Chapter 34 Dudley
Chapter 34 Dudley
Dudley struggled the next morning when Draco arrived with a broad smile on his face. Draco reached his hand over to place it on Dudley’s shoulder like he had a thousand times before and Dudley cringed away from it. He hadn’t meant to but it was clear from the look on Draco’s face that he was hurt by it.
‘Sorry Draco, I just… do you mind if you don't touch me today?’
‘No! Of course…’ Draco looked sheepish. ‘Will you let me know when I can touch you again?’
Dudley felt awful, he should be stronger than this. What was the point in protecting Draco if he was just going to hurt him in other ways.
‘Yeah, of course. I just… I don’t know what’s wrong with me today. I think it’s just a rough day, you know? I haven’t left the dungeon in a while, maybe I’m getting a bit of cabin fever.’
Draco nodded.
‘Not that I’m blaming you for that!’ Dudley hastily added.
‘No. No. I know.’ Draco tried to smile and almost succeeded.
There was an awkwardness between them for the first time in a while, Dudley hated that he had been the one to put it there.
Just as Dudley was about to say something else to try to rip down the barrier he’d just erected there was a sound from the corner of the room.
‘The egg’ Dudley said and they both rushed over to the wooden box. Dudley went to take lid off with trepidation, Draco had his wand out ready.
‘Keep your eyes firmly shut.’ Draco instructed, the seriousness in his voice raised Dudley’s head rate.
Dudley nodded and screwed his eyes tightly shut, he eased the lid off the box slowly.
‘Caecus oculus.’
There was a tense pause before Draco spoke.
‘Oh... You can open your eyes Dudley.’
Dudley squinted through one opened eye, he still didn't look down into the box, instead focusing on Draco’s face, his brows were drawn and his mouth slightly open. He looked beautiful.
‘What happened?’ Dudley asked opening both his eyes.
‘Well look.’ Draco gestured to the open box. Dudley peered into the box to see the innards of the toad plastered against the wood. The toad had exploded?
‘Gross!’ Dudley exclaimed.
‘Merlin’s beard, that poor toad.’ Draco added.
‘I don’t remember reading about exploding toads do you?’
‘No. I don’t know if it’s supposed to do that.’
‘Well fuck.’ Dudley looked at Draco.
‘Fuck.’ Draco agreed
‘Maybe the toad is supposed to explode, maybe we should just keep it in here and hope that it’s okay.’
‘Yeah I guess so, if we’re lucky maybe it will still hatch.’ Draco said.
‘Wait Draco look!’ The egg was moving, the rough scales were rising and falling like the egg was breathing.
‘It must still be alive then?’
‘It must be.’
Dudley and Draco spent the morning cleaning toad organs off the inside of the wooden box. The egg continued to breathe steadily, it was now about the size of a large watermelon and took up most of the box. Dudley had no idea how long they had been hatching this basilisk.
‘Do you know how long it has left to hatch?’ He asked Draco.
‘I was going to ask you the same thing, I don’t know the date we put it in here, we really should have made a note of it.’
‘We’ve had a lot going on.’ Dudley laughed. Trying to ease some of the tension he had created earlier, Draco snorted adorably and Dudley wanted to reach out and touch him but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. Draco interrupted his staring.
‘It must be ready soon though, it feels about twenty ish days right?’
‘We’ll find out soon.’ Dudley raised his shoulders.
Draco was exceptionally careful the next few days, he wouldn’t come closer than a foot away from Dudley. Every time Draco stepped forwards and then hesitated Dudley felt a crushing wave of guilt. He hadn’t explained himself, he just couldn’t. Draco must be feeling confused and rejected, but telling him why was impossible. Dudley just needed a little bit of distance for a while and then he could make it up to Draco when he was normal again.
They existed in a respectful dance, avoiding getting too close to each other. Draco still spent as much time as he could with Dudley and Dudley was glad of his presence. When Draco wasn’t there he and Garrick would speak through the wall, Garrick still had no idea that they were breeding a basilisk and Dudley had no intention of telling him. In getting to know Garrick it became clear that he was not much for rule breaking.
It took a week but eventually Dudley just couldn’t stand to see the sadness in Draco’s face when he stopped himself from patting his shoulder or touching his waist. It was evening and Draco hadn’t been around much in the day, his father had required him to attend a long meeting with Voldemort and various other death eaters, he’d probably had to sit there silently listening to them planning their atrocities, it couldn’t have been easy. Draco opened the cell door and hesitated for a moment in front of Dudley, he cast muffliato before flopping down exhausted against his wall. Draco let out a long sigh and dragged his hand through his hair.
‘Bad day?’ Dudley asked, Dudley was crouched over the wooden box watching raptly at the egg breathing slowly in and out when Draco arrived. Dudley gently rested his hand on top of it feeling the rise and fall, a few times he had felt the basilisk move inside, it was definitely still alive in there.
‘The worst. Things are changing out there Dudley. I’m worried, it feels like he’s going to win. The things they’re planning, the people they’ve killed it’s… it’s just really scary. I’m scared Dudley.’
Dudley couldn’t stay away when Draco needed him, he couldn’t watch Draco struggle and not comfort him. He let the wooden box snap shut and strode over to where Draco was sat.
‘Room for me?’ He asked.
Draco’s eyes snapped up to meet his, filled with hope.
‘Really? You don’t have to you know.’
‘I know. I want to. I’m ready now. I’ve … I’ve missed you.’ Dudely still had nightmares most nights but the prickly feeling that crawled over his skin when he thought of Lucius was dulling slowly.
Draco shuffled forwards and Dudley manoeuvred himself behind him to rest in their favourite position, Dudley behind and Draco nestled between his legs. Draco let his head fall back onto Dudley’s shoulder and Dudley softly stroked his hair. Draco let out a contented noise. Dudley was anxious it might be too much but It was okay, it was wonderful actually. It felt good.
‘Sorry I’ve been distant.’ Dudley said gently.
‘That’s okay. I know you need to sometimes, I miss you but I understand.’
Dudley couldn’t help but think ‘no you don’t’ but instead he just said ‘thank you’
‘It’s alright for me to touch you again?’
Dudley giggled, still raking his fingers soothingly through Draco’s hair. Draco had closed his eyes and was now leaning into Dudley’s touch like a cat.
‘Yes, in fact, I might even encourage it.’
‘Oh is that right?’ Draco said sitting up and turning around so they were now face to face. Draco was now sat cross legged inside Dudley’s spread legs.
‘So I can do this…’
Draco leaned forwards and kissed Dudley on the forehead.
‘Yes.’
‘And this…’ he kissed Dudley on the cheek.
‘Yes.’
‘And what about this…’
He kissed Dudley’s mouth.
‘Definitely.’
Dudley breathed Draco in, he had missed his smell so much, earthy but clean. It washed away the taste of Lucius. He needed more. Dudley took Draco’s head in his hands and kissed him harder eliciting a moan of pleasure from Draco’s throat.
It was like Dudley had been slowly suffocating but with Draco’s mouth on his he could suddenly breathe again. Draco had his hand on Dudley’s shirt, pulling hims closer, they crashed together, Dudley let out a small gasp and Draco swallowed it down. When they finally broke apart Draco slumped on his chest.
‘Wow. I really missed that.’ Dudley said into Draco’s hair.
‘Me too.’ Draco confirmed.
They huddled into each other, Dudley softly stroking all the parts of Draco he could reach, along the nape of his neck, his back, along his forearm. He loved the smile he could see twitching at the corners of Dracos mouth, the contented sighs he would let out every few minutes.
They stayed like that for hours, Dudley’s mind began to wander, he thought back to what Ollivander had said, that Draco had tried to kill his teacher and his classmates, he just couldn’t square the boy he was holding with someone who would do that. He didn’t want to sour the moment but he wanted Draco to know that he didn’t care, he needed Draco to know how much he meant to him, the strength he had given him, that he alone had given him a reason to live now that he had no family, that Dudley was alive right now because of him.
‘Do you know how much you mean to me?’ He asked quietly into the half darkness.
‘What?’ Draco mumbled.
‘You mean so much to me Draco I don’t think you know, I don’t think you understand. Nothing you’ve done or could do could ever make me hate you. You’ve given me a reason to keep going.’
‘What’s brought this on?’
‘I was just thinking about something Ollivander said.’
Draco stiffened ‘what did he say?’
‘He said you tried to kill your teacher and your classmates, I don’t know if I believed him but it didn’t actually matter, I don’t care, I still want you. I don’t think there’s anything you could do that could stop me from wanting you.’
Draco deflated in Dudley’s arms and Dudley regretted bringing it up immediately.
Draco stared at the floor for a few moments.
‘It’s true. I did try and kill Dumbledore. My classmates were accidents, I hurt them while trying to get to him.’
Dudley had expected it to be true, Ollivander was not the sort of person to lie. He was also glad that Draco had been honest.
‘Why did you do it?’
‘It was after I got the mark.’
‘The mark?’
‘This.’ Draco lifted his shirt sleeve and Dudley saw a large black tattoo, a skull with a snake slithering out of its mouth. ‘It’s called the dark mark, Voldemort gives it to his closest followers, he gave me mine just before fifth year, my task to prove my loyalty was to kill Dumbledore, I had easy access because I was at Hogwarts. He told me he would kill me if I failed, it was kill Dumbledore or die.’ A tear slipped down his cheek from his wet eyes.
‘Oh Draco.’ Dudley rested his forehead on Draco’s.
‘I didn’t do it though, someone else killed him in the end. I wasn’t strong enough to do it.’
‘No. You had the strength to stop yourself, even though your life was at risk. That’s brave Draco.’ Draco drew his head back to look at Dudley properly.
‘There’s more though… when… after that night that Dumbledore died, Voldemort found out it wasn’t me who killed him. My loyalty was in question, my father was so angry. I hadn’t done what he asked… Voldemort …. H-he he brought a muggle to the house, a stranger from off the street. He stood him in front of me. He was young, only in his twenties. He had blue eyes like yours… they made me kill him Dudley…’ Draco’s voice was lost in his sobs, he couldn’t speak anymore. Dudley’s heart broke for him. The terrible things they had made him do. The awful things they had done to him. It was amazing he was still here, still trying to help, still trying to be a good person and do the right thing.
‘How… how can you still want me now? I’m a murderer Dudley…I should have let them kill me. I wish I had.’ Draco stuttered the words in between shallow breaths and collapsed forwards into Dudley’s chest.
Dudley hugged him close, wrapping his arms around Draco like he could hold him together, stop him from breaking into pieces.
‘I forgive you.’ Dudley whispered, and Draco fell apart into heaving sobs. Dudley held him close.
Draco left the next morning, they hadn’t meant to spend the night in the dungeon together, they had decided together that that was too dangerous, but Draco couldn’t leave, he was too fragile. By morning he was more like himself again, and they kissed as he left the cell and Draco had even smiled as he walked away up the corridor. The revelation that Draco had killed someone was surprisingly easy for Dudley to swallow. If he was honest with himself he had known it for a while, he’d guessed it weeks ago. It didn’t bother Dudley in the slightest, maybe that was a flaw in his own moral compass but he didn’t care. Dudley remembered the children he had bullied at school, the unkindness he had shown Harry. Dudley knew what it was to regret, and he would never hold it against Draco. They were both different now, they had changed each other.
It was early afternoon and Dudley was reading contentedly in his corner, he’d spent the morning chatting with Ollivander, but he was now having his afternoon nap. Draco hadn’t returned which meant Voldemort must need him for something, Dudley prayed it was something innocuous, he prayed that Lucius was busy too. Dudley was lost in his book when there was a soft squelching sound from the wooden box.
‘Fuck’ Dudley said out loud and put his book down. It wasn’t supposed to hatch when Dudley was alone. His excitement for the basilisk was replaced with fear in a split second. Dudley stared at the closed box. ‘Fuck, fuck, fuck!’ He would leave it in the box until Draco, returned, he definitely needed backup for this one. Dudley balanced his growing book collection on top of the box to make sure it couldn’t get out, the box was locked from the outside anyway, but just to be safe. Dudley returned to his book, there was no further noises from the box and Dudley’s heart rate returned to normal, he must have imagined it. He went back to his book, and quickly nodded off into a light doze.
Twenty minutes later Dudley rubbed his tired eyes. There was a strange weight on his chest, he looked down through blurry eyes to see two yellow eyes staring directly at him. Dudley’s stomach dropped. This was it. He was dead. Wasn’t he? He was so stupid, he thought of Draco walking into the cell and finding him dead, he pictured the grief on Draco’s face and cursed his own idiocy, who falls asleep when they suspect a basilisk might be hatching in the same room? The basilisk was investigating Dudley’s face. Moving slowly forwards, Dudley could hear it sniffing at him from its two long nostrils. It moved gently, slowly over Dudley’s chest right up to his face. It was terrifying, it was about a foot long and covered in sharp scales, they were black with a dark red iridescent shine. It opened its mouth and nibbled at Dudley’s collar with its empty gums (at least it didn’t have teeth yet) before looking back up and into Dudley’s face with its yellow eyes, they were so vivid, they almost looked like they would glow in the dark. The pupil was a thin black slit that ran right from the top all the way to the bottom of its bulbous eyeball. Why wasn’t Dudley dead yet? Surely any moment now he would die, it was coming the anticipation was crippling, Dudley could hardly breathe waiting for the inevitable darkness that would descend on him at any moment, but it kept not happening. The basilisk slithered gracefully from Dudley’s chest and forced its head into Dudley’s armpit, the rest of its body in a straight line next to Dudley’s torso. It’s breathing was slow and even, after a few minutes Dudley came to the conclusion that it was asleep, but he was still alive. How? Dudley was rooted to the spot, afraid to move, he had no idea what to do. He tried to slow his racing mind enough to decide what to do next. Rational. Be rational he told himself. What did he know? The basilisk had definitely looked at him and he was definitely still alive, he listened for his heartbeat to just make sure. No. He was definitely still alive, so the basilisk was either the first basilisk to not kill with its stare or perhaps Draco’s blinding spell had worked inside the egg. That seemed the most logical explanation. Secondly, it wasn’t trying to kill him, granted it had no teeth yet but it certainly could have caused Dudley’s some damage with the spikes at the end of its tail if it had wanted to. Dudley looked down at the creature who was now lightly snoring and still snuggled into Dudley’s side like a contented cat. Okay so maybe it wasn’t evil? Tentatively and slowly Dudley reached out and touched it, he drew his index finger gently along its back. The scales were rough, they felt like jagged rocks under his finger, so sharp they could have cut his hand if he had stroked it at the wrong angle, but they were beautiful too, they seemed to change colour depending on the angle you were at, sometimes dark red sometimes black. The basilisk’s skin rippled under his finger all the way down and it made a rumbling noise in its throat… was it purring? Dudley couldn’t help it, a huge smile broke out on his face and he stroked the basilisk again this time with his whole hand, the rumbling deepened. She liked it. The fear melted away almost instantly. Dudley knew it, he was going to rub this in Draco’s face, she was good.
Dudley let the basilisk sleep for a while, he continued to stroke down her back with his other hand and she continued to purr, a deep grumble from her throat.
When Dudley’s arm was dead, he decided he needed to move, he lifted his arm and she lifted her head, as if annoyed at the disturbance. ‘Sorry’ Dudley whispered. Her head snapped to Dudley’s face, looking at where the sound had come from. Definitely blind Dudley thought.
‘Are you hungry?’ Dudley left her on his makeshift bed and went to grab the mealworms he had been feeding the toad before she’d exploded. ‘Here’ he said as he turned around to walk back to the bed but instead he found that she had followed him there, she was directly behind him, not where he had left her. He put a few worms down in front of her. She snapped them up in her jaws immediately and Dudley got his first look at her razor sharp tongue, deep purple and serrated down the sides. Definitely still dangerous, he made a mental note not to let her lick his face.
Draco didn’t return that night, Dudley missed him but he was glad in a way, he wanted to get as comfortable as possible with the basilisk so that when Draco did meet her he didn’t freak out too much. Dudley fed her, offered her water from his bucket. He stroked her, she purred, he even picked her up, she didn’t seem to mind at all, nuzzling her head into the crook of Dudley’s elbow. Dudley hadn’t even been allowed a pet hamster at home but he now had a basilisk to look after, he laughed out loud to himself. That evening Dudley tucked the basilisk up in her box, stroking her chin before placing the lid on and retreating to bed himself.
***
Dudley was screaming and crying and thrashing, hands were grabbing at him from all directions, slimy bony fingers were in his mouth and poking into his ears, he couldn’t breathe properly, and then he was awake and Draco’s excited face was staring down at him.
‘Dudley wake up! They’re all gone! You can finally come out properly and have that shower!’ Draco dragged Dudley out of his nightmare and pulled him unceremoniously through the manor. Draco was almost skipping as they passed through the rooms of the house and up the double staircase into his bedroom. Draco’s joy was evident and Dudley couldn’t help but grin as he was tugged towards Draco’s bedroom, he was just glad that Draco was happy, he wanted to be happy with him and he buried the memory of his bad dream.
Draco slammed open his bedroom door to find Vinny making his bed.
‘Hello sirs’ Vinny bowed
‘Hey Vinny!’ Dudley smiled.
‘Do you mind finishing later Vinny? We don’t know how long we have until they get back and Dudley wanted a shower.’
‘Of course sirs.’ Vinny disapparated with a bow.
Draco slammed the door behind them and pulled Dudley over to the bed, he then pushed Dudley onto the unmade sheets and climbed on top of him straddling him with a hand on the button of Dudley’s fly.
‘Oh.’
‘Is this okay?’ Draco asked
Dudley’s heart was hammering, they had kissed lots of times now but this felt different. Draco had a look of determination on his face. Dudley wanted to want to but he just couldn’t. This timing was all wrong, not yet, he needed more time to forget what had happened with Lucius. It was too soon, too much. He tried desperately to slow his heartbeat, he was begining to panic, he was cross with himself, he wanted this, he wanted Draco on top of him, he wanted every part of him. Why couldn’t he say yes? He paused for too long, Draco slumped and slowly climbed off him.
‘Sorry, I’m doing this all wrong. I’ve never been with a man before. I just… you’re so lovely Dudley. I want to do everything with you, but I understand if you don’t feel the same way.’
Fuck. Dudley was ruining a perfect moment.
‘No! Draco no. Please don’t think that, I want you too. More than anything, you have to know that.’
‘Then why do you look so disgusted? Sometimes when I kiss you I feel you jerk back, you always stop before I do. Is it my hand?’
‘No’ Dudley’s heart was breaking.
How to explain. How to tell Draco that it’s not him. He’s perfect. Lucius ruined this for him, for that he would never forgive him. He wanted to tell Draco, he just couldn’t it was too dangerous. But he had to give Draco something, and he didn’t want to lie.
‘I don’t know how to say it. I don’t know how to explain.’
‘Just say it. Please. I need to know Dudley, it hurts.’
‘It’s someone else.’
‘You’re with someone else?’
‘No! No, god no! I’m making such a mess of this, no nothing like that.’
‘What is it then?’
‘You know you said you’ve never been with a man before?’
‘Yes.’
‘Well I have… kind of’
‘Oh. Okay. Am I doing something wrong?’
‘No! Fuck Draco no! Come here.’
He grabbed Draco’s hand and his stump and sat him down on by the bed next to him.
‘What I’m trying to say is that I have been with another man. But I didn’t want to.’
‘You don’t like men?’
‘No. I definitely like men. Well… one man in particular.’ He met Draco’s eyes.
‘I didn’t know I liked men before I met you, but I have been with another man, he… I suppose he forced me to be with him. He made me.’
‘Oh.’ Draco stilled under Dudley’s hands.
‘So I guess…’ Dudley sighed ‘it just makes me a little skittish.’
‘Dudley I’m so sorry.’
‘No Draco please don’t be sorry, I want you. I want you so much, but sometimes when I’m with you, he creeps into my head and… I don’t know, it’s just hard.’
‘Do you want to tell me about it?’
The idea revolted Dudley, he could think of nothing he would wanted to do less.
‘No. Definitely not. Thank you.’
‘Okay. What might help you? What can I do?’
Dudley loved him. He wasn’t disgusted by him, he still wanted him, he wanted to know how to help. The thought sent a shiver of pleasure down his spine and he thought about it carefully.
‘Maybe if you, if you let me lead? Like if I could be on top, in control? And maybe we could have a signal, like two taps means I’ve had enough.’
‘Done.’ Draco said
‘Thank you’ Dudley traced patterns over Dracos stump.
‘I’m sorry that happened to you. I know what it feels like to be violated’ he was looking down at his missing hand. ‘But I can’t imagine how horrible that must have been for you.’
‘Devastating.’ Dudley confirmed.
‘Probably less painful than this though’ Dudley kissed his stump.
‘I don’t think pain should be a competition. Let’s agree that both suck.’ Draco held Dudley’s hand.
‘Agreed.’ Dudley nodded.
They sat on the bed for a little while, in a comfortable silence, letting the recent revelation digest.
‘Okay, what would you like to do? You’re in control, I’m along for the ride.’
Dudley gave it some serious thought. He wanted Draco, in every way it was possible to want someone. He also wanted a shower. He wanted to see Draco wet and naked.
‘I have an idea. Do you want a shower too?’