Chapter 29 Dudley
Chapter 29 dudley
It was early morning when Dudley woke from his nightmare fuelled sleep to a shuffling sound in the corridor. Panic struck him like a bolt of lightning, sparking through his whole body. Draco, Lucius and Vinny were his only visitors and they always apparated directly into his cell, if Voldemort wanted to see him Dudley was summoned to the manor, this was someone new.
Dudley crawled as silently as he could to the edge of his cell where the steel bars looked out into the corridor. It was still dark all he could see was the silhouette of a body he did not know, it looked male, thin and hunched over to his right hand side. A walking stick in his right hand that he was leaning on heavily.
‘Dudley?’ Said the man, his voice trembling.
It was… Draco?
It sounded so much like him but the body just didn’t match.
‘Draco?’ Dudley answered, the question in his voice clear. He stood up, no longer worried.
‘I’m so sorry.’ Draco replied still shrouded in darkness.
The sorrow in his voice snuffed out any of the lingering anger Dudley had been holding on to, Draco sounded broken.
‘Come here.’ Dudley urged slipping his arm through the bars as if to grab him, desperate to touch him and tell him it was okay, to understand what had happened.
Draco sighed from the darkness of the hallway before walking slowly closer. When Draco lumbered into view Dudley had to stifle a gasp, it was worse than he could have prepared himself for.
Draco was bone thin, his robes swamping his frail body. His face was drawn and grey. He could barely walk, relying heavily on the stick in his right hand. Dudley felt like he had been ripped in half. What had they done to him? How could they? How dare they? How had they take someone so filled with life and turned him inside out like this? Dudley wanted to murder them all. No. He wanted to torture them all and then murder them, painfully.
When draco was finally within touching distance Dudley grabbed his lapel and pulled him up as close as he could to the bars of the cell. He examined Draco’s face up close, tracing over every inch of it, cataloguing each scratch and every bruise.
He didn’t realise he was already crying until he tried to speak.
‘W-w-what w-what happened? What happened draco?’
He cupped Draco’s bony cheek with his hand and felt Draco lean into the touch.
‘Tell me!’ Dudley pleaded through his tears.
Draco opened his mouth to speak but he couldn’t form any words, a whispered sound of anguish was all the answer he gave. Draco’s eyes were glassy and his lip quivering. His hand grasping the walking stick so tightly his knuckles were whitening.
Draco collapsed to the floor, his legs dramatically giving out from underneath him. Dudley couldn’t tell if it was his physical weakness or the emotion of their reunion that had caused it. Dudley fell to the floor after him, grasping to hold onto Draco through the bars. He managed to keep Draco’s torso upright.
‘I’m sorry, you don’t have to tell me. You’re okay now. I’m here, I’m here Draco, look at me.’ Dudley urged Draco’s chin upwards with a hand.
‘Look at me Draco. I’m here, you’re alive. We’re okay. Draco?’
Draco finally met his gaze.
‘Hello.’ Dudley said with the most comforting smile he could manage.
Draco leaned forwards and rested his forehead against the steel bars.
‘I’ve missed you so much’ Draco managed.
‘I’ve missed you too’ Dudley replied planting a gentle kiss to Draco’s forehead.
Draco let out a small whine in reply.
Dudley stroked the back of Draco’s head, down his shoulders and arms trying to ground Draco, but as he felt along the length of Dracos arms he felt Draco tense.
Where Draco’s right arm ended in a hand his left just stopped.
Dudley felt his heart skip. He felt like he’d just stepped off a cliff. Draco removed his head from the bars and met Dudley’s gaze again.
‘I’m sorry.’ Was all he said.
Dudley looked down and softly moved Draco’s sleeve to confirm his fears, it was gone. Draco’s hand was gone. A neat stump in its place.
‘Oh Draco.’ Dudley’s heart was tearing itself up. Sorrow and anger pulsing through him. He was sweating and could feel goosebumps shivering down his back.
It must have hurt so much, and Draco had been left to endure it alone.
‘Draco.’ Was all he could say.
‘It’s so ugly, I understand if you don’t… I understand if you don’t want to…’ Draco’s words fell off.
Dudley could barely believe it, Draco was worried that he wouldn’t want him anymore?
Dudley picked up Draco’s left wrist. He brought it up to his face, he looked at it closely, noticing the straight red scar at the tip, the way his wrist moved now, the slightly saggy skin at the end. He worshipped every part of Draco, including this part now. Dudley looked back to Draco who looked equal parts ashamed and repulsed. His head hung low and eyes staring at the floor. It wounded Dudley to see him like this, to see the way he hated himself.
Dudley brought the stump to his mouth and gave it the most gentle whisper of a kiss, barely grazing his lips over it, incase it was still sore. Draco’s eyes snapped up, a spark of something in him now, shock perhaps. Dudley smiled at him and did it again, kissing just on top of his wrist this time but with more pressure, it didn’t look sore there. Draco looked blankly at him, like he’d just been slapped, his mouth slightly parted in bafflement.
Dudley couldn’t help himself he, kissed Draco’s stump once more before aiming for his open mouth. It was tricky to get to him adequately through the bars but he managed to plant a firm kiss on Draco’s lips. His heart soaring as he did so, almost exploding when he felt Draco kiss him back. They sat on the floor quietly, three hands together in Draco’s lap.
It was Draco who broke the silence in the end.
‘Does it disgust you?’ He looked at his stump.
‘Nothing about you could ever disgust me, you’re beautiful with two and hands and you’re still beautiful with one.’
Draco just nodded.
‘Thankyou.’ He said, his voice thick.
‘I want you closer Draco.’ This was a lie, he actually needed Draco closer or he felt like he might die. He wanted to wrap him up in his arms properly.
‘Me too. But I’m too weak to apparate, I tried but I couldn’t do it.’
‘Can’t you unlock the door?’
‘I don’t have the keys, and my father hasn’t given me my wand back yet, he can’t trust me apparently.’
‘So you can’t get in here?’
Draco shook his head.
‘Why has he got your wand?’ Dudley asked aware that he was treading dangerous ground.
Draco let out a long sigh and his brow furrowed.
‘I have a lot to tell you.’
Draco told Dudley everything, while they huddled together on the stone floor, steel bars keeping them from one another. He told Dudley how he had been taken, he described through sobs how he had helped Dolohov obliviate the muggles, the way Voldemort had killed Melissa, how he’d taken Draco’s hand. He explained that he had been locked away for a week, that most of his injuries were actually self inflicted. He described horcruxes, what they were and how he had visited the Greengrasses again and he now knew how to destroy one.
It took hours to tell Dudley everything and longer still for Draco to answer all of Dudley’s questions.
‘Holy shit’ was all Dudley could think to say at the end.
‘I’m so sorry Dudley.’
‘Why are you sorry?’ Dudley wiped a stray tear from Dracos cheek.
‘I failed, I couldn’t stop him, I actually helped him, I helped him do this, it’s my partly my fault.’
‘This is NOT your fault Draco. You did what you had to do to survive. Never apologise for surviving. Others would have died, others would have let that cauldron burn without trying to put it out. You did your best, and you came back to me. Never be sorry for that. You’re strong Draco, I’m proud of you, you’re brave.’
‘I’m not brave like you are’
‘I think you might be braver’ Dudley kissed his nose.
‘How can you forgive me?’ Draco looked wide eyed at him.
‘There’s nothing to forgive Draco.’
‘But what I did to those people, obliviating them… I - I don’t know if I can live with that. I try so hard to be good but I seem to always end up doing terrible things.’
Draco’s eyes overflowed again, moisture dancing over his hollow cheeks.
‘You are good Draco. You are good, I promise.’
Draco nodded and Dudley hoped that he had taken his words in, that he believed him.
‘I went a bit funny in that room.’ Draco said quietly.
‘What do you mean?’
‘Walls were moving when they weren’t, and I could hear things sometimes, things that I knew weren’t actually there.’ There was a look of pure terror written on Dracos face.
‘Okay. That’s okay… is it still happening?’
‘Not really, not as much since leaving but I still don’t feel right.’
‘Will you tell me if it starts to happen again, or if it gets worse?’
Draco only nodded.
‘I thought of you. Every day. I think you’re the only reason I kept going.’
‘I thought of you every day too. Mostly cursing you for not making our date.’ Dudley smiled, and Draco smiled back.
‘It will be okay. You’re here, you’re alive Draco, and you came back to me.’
‘I’ll always come back for you’ Draco said the words slowly and Dudley knew that he meant them.
‘What if it’s not okay though’ Draco continued ‘how are we going to destroy that horcrux? The order don’t even know, they don’t know that they have no chance. It’s our responsibility now. We have to make sure that when they shoot their shot, when they try to kill Voldemort, it’s up to us to make sure he’s mortal. What if we fail? I have no idea where to find basilisk venom!’
‘I don’t even know what a basilisk is.’ Dudley laughed, trying to take the sting out of Dracos catastrophising.
He took Dracos hand, and his stump.
‘Look. I’m not saying it will be easy, I’m not even saying we’ll manage it. But we will try our best.’
‘But… but what if one of us doesn’t make it. What if they get to you and I can’t stop them.’
‘Then I’ll be dead, and I won’t blame you for it.’
‘I’ll kill myself if you die.’
Dudley giggled ‘same. I’ll kill myself if you die. I suppose we should try our hardest to stay alive then, until we’re dead we’ll fight with everything we have.’
Draco agreed ‘everything we have.’ He repeated it back to Dudley like it was a prayer.
Draco stayed in the dungeon for almost the whole day. They spoke of other things, Dudley was glad to see some weight leave Dracos shoulders as he told him of Vinny’s attempt to make a croquembouche after Dudley had told him about one he’d had at a wedding years ago. Draco even laughed as Dudley explained how Vinny had apparated into the dungeon, his hands cemented together with sugar.
They sat close together through the bars tracing patters on each others hands. Several times Dudley almost mentioned what had happened with Lucius, what he was doing to Dudley when Draco wasn’t here. Dudley just couldn’t find the words, he didn’t know how to say it, it was too difficult to articulate, besides Dudley reasoned, if he told Draco he would probably do something stupid and heroic and attempt to kill his father, which would be a death sentence for them both. It was safer to keep it to himself, he could manage it, if he just gave Lucius what he wanted he would be satisfied and leave quickly. Dudley could do that for Draco. He would endure Lucius and so much worse for Draco.