Chapter 19 Draco
Chapter 19 Draco
Draco could barely contain the incandescent joy that was bursting out of him. Seeing Dudley out in the world, reading to him, watching him sprint through the orchard. His lumbering form surprisingly agile and far quicker than Draco. For the first time in months he didn’t even wish that he was at Hogwarts, there was no where else he would have chosen to be than on his back in the orchard with Dudley at his side. The only thing that was niggling somewhere in the back of his brain was that this joy had an expiration, it could not last forever, Draco wanted to soak up every single minute of it, he didn’t know if an opportunity like this would ever happen again.
Watching Dudley’s face light up at the simple charm he performed had filled draco with so much happiness, he wanted that feeling again, he wanted it all of the time, he wanted to show Dudley that magic could be pure, simple and beautiful. Draco wanted to prove that magic wasn’t all unforgivable curses and dark incantations.
As they watched the last butterfly haphazardly fly off into the trees above them Draco turned back to Dudley.
‘We could fly for real if you wanted, I have a broom’
‘What? Like fly on a broom?’
‘If you wanted. We don’t have to.’
Dudley was silent for a long time, Draco started to panic that he’d pushed Dudley too far. He was about to tell Dudley to forget about the whole thing when he quickly stood up.
‘Okay, let’s do it.’ Dudley held his hand out to help Draco up from the floor.
Draco internally rejoiced, Dudley had willingly initiated physical contact between them.
Draco took his hand and began to lead them back through the orchard to the gate. Dudley didn’t let go, he allowed Draco to continue to hold his hand. It took a long time to get back to the gate, they weren’t running this time, they were walking slowly. Dudley’s large hand was solid and comforting, Dudley’s finger played with his pinkie ring, his hand seemed to fit just right underneath Draco’s, their hands slotting together like they were made for each other.
Draco had held hands before, he and Pansy Parkinson had been ‘together’ in fourth year but it consisted mostly of wet and wobbly kisses in stairwells and Draco’s stomach hadn’t done funny little flips when he had held Pansy’s hand, in fact he had mostly just waited for the moment he could make an excuse to get away from her.
This was something, acquaintances didn’t hold hands, friends didn’t usually hold hands, what did it mean? Though it slightly panicked him, Draco liked it. He liked spending time with Dudley, he liked how Dudley looked, his broad shoulders, large hands, wonky nose and close set eyes, he could get lost in those blue pools for hours.
But what did that mean? Was he gay? He’d never really considered it before, pureblood heirs to ancient families weren't gay, and if they were they were excommunicated or disposed of. Thinking on it Draco had to admit his eyes often lingered on attractive men in public, certainly more that they did on women. Draco recalled the first time he had seen Oliver Wood on a broom, how his mouth had gone dry and his eyes followed him desperately round the quidditch pitch. Draco had never imagined himself with a wife and a family, even though that was clearly expected of him.
It was all too much to think about now, he decided to file it in a folder titled ‘things to deal with later’ and instead just enjoy the moment without analysing anything too hard, he didn’t need to add a sexuality crisis to his growing list of things to be worried about.
Dudley looked happy and relaxed as they approached the gate, Draco led them across the manicured gardens to the quidditch field on the right hand side of the manor, he stopped off at the broom shed, he wanted to pick up his new firebolt but the old nimbus had double footrests so it would have to do.
‘That? Really? That thing is going to carry the weight of both of us?’ Dudley looked unconvinced.
‘Magic remember.’ Draco replied
‘If you say so.’ Dudley smiled and shrugged but continued to follow Draco to the pitch.
‘I’ll drive’ Draco said flinging his leg over the broom and placing his feet in the stirrups, the broom hovered off the ground, it was the most normal thing in the world for Draco, at Hogwarts he would ride his broom every day. Dudley however looked like he might be sick, he was white, his mouth hanging open.
‘T-That’s mental!’ He stuttered staring at the broom as it hovered impatiently above the grass.
‘Get on!’ Draco insisted, suddenly incredibly excited to show Dudley something new and novel.
‘I don’t know, it looks like it might snap with my weight on there.’
‘I promise it won’t! The nimbus can carry up to 4,000 kilograms, you’re nothing but a feather to a nimbus’ Draco was itching with anticipation, he wanted to feel Dudley behind him, he thought perhaps Dudley was struggling with the idea of touching him.
‘If you don’t want to touch, we don’t have to.’ He didn’t want to persuade Dudley if he really didn’t want to fly, he tried hard to keep the disappointment out of his voice.
‘No, no. It’s not that!’ Dudley replied.
Dudley worried at his bottom lip for a second, which Draco found incredibly distracting, before continuing.
‘You promise it won’t break?’
‘I promise’
‘Pinkie?’ Dudley held his finger up.
Draco huffed and hooked his pinkie round Dudley’s.
‘Okay then’ Dudley announced.
He gently placed a hand on Draco’s shoulder to steady himself and clambered onto the broom, he brought his other arm around Draco’s middle and held on tightly before bringing the other arm down from Draco’s shoulder so he was hugging Draco from behind. Draco’s heart rate instantly quickened, he prayed that Dudley couldn’t feel it pounding. Dudley was holding him tightly, his chest pressed right up against Draco’s back. They were so close, almost all of their bodies were touching. Draco felt tiny fireworks going off inside him.
Calm down he chastised himself.
‘Are you ready?’ Draco asked.
Dudley held even tighter and tucked his head right in so that it was nestled on top of Draco’s shoulder.
‘I think so’ he whispered.
Draco kicked off the ground and shot them into the air. Though the nimbus was an older model it was remarkably fast even with two weighing it down. Draco wanted to show off, he resisted the urge to fly in a loop immediately and instead flew a few quick laps around the field. Dudley was holding on with all his strength, Draco half thought he might split in two with the pressure around his waist. He stopped ten feet off the ground after their second lap.
‘Okay back there?’ He shouted behind him
‘I think so’ came Dudley’s voice, he still hadn’t lifted his head off Draco’s shoulder.
‘Are your eyes even open?’ Dudley asked with a laugh.
‘They are right now but to be honest they were closed for most of that.’
‘Shall we go again? A bit faster and a bit higher this time?’
‘Okay. I trust you.’ Dudley whispered directly into Draco’s ear which sent ripples of pleasure running down his neck. He took a second to fully regain his composure.
They flew higher and Draco took them for another lap, slightly faster. Dudley took his head off Draco’s shoulder at some point, a sign he was getting more comfortable, though Draco missed the weight of Dudley’s head on his shoulder. Draco shuffled in his seat, repositioning, moving himself further backwards in between Dudley’s legs. Dudley responded by tightening his thighs around Draco.
Draco could hardly believe it, Dudley so tightly wrapped around him. It just felt so… right, they belonged like this. Wrapped up in one another.
Draco stopped again and hovered in the air.
‘Still okay back there?’
Draco called over his shoulder.
‘It’s incredible’ Dudley whispered, he brought his hand higher, touching Draco’s chest with an open palm, right over his heart, there was no denying the way his heart began to race.
‘Nervous?’ Dudley giggled.
‘Stop it!’ Draco moved his hand back down to his waist.
‘Do you really want to be distracting your pilot while you’re so high up?’
‘Point taken’ Dudley conceded.
‘Shall we try a loop?’ Draco teased expecting Dudley to say no.
‘Let’s do it.’ He replied instead.
‘Really?’
‘Yeah, I feel invincible right now’
‘Okay.’
Draco sped them down into a swooping dive, Dudley leaned into him, holding on to his middle firmly as he began to pull them up and up and up until they were both upside down clinging to one another. They exited the loop and Draco slowed their pace and then guided them gently back to the ground.
‘Fucking hell Dudley said as he clambered off the broom.
‘That was incredible! That was so much fun, Draco! Fuck!’
Dudley was bouncing on his feet.
‘It’s good right?’
‘So good! Thankyou, that was… wow’
‘Pleasure’ Draco replied.
They stood in front of one another both grinning stupidly for a few moments before Dudley spoke again.
‘Draco?’
‘Yes’
‘Can I… do you think… w-would it be alright if maybe. Would you mind if I had a proper shower?’
Draco didn’t say anything but his stomach dropped like he had fallen right off the broom, of course! Draco was so stupid. Dudley had been living in a dungeon for weeks, washing with a flannel and bucket, he should have asked him first, instead he just apparated him directly to the orangery because he wanted to read with him there, because Draco wanted to spend time with Dudley in his favourite place. Selfish, so selfish.
‘Oh my god Dudley, I’m so sorry, I didn’t think, I just wasn’t thinking, well go now… come on.’
Draco trudged back up to the house, cursing himself with every step. Dudley eagerly followed behind.
Draco took him to his own bedroom, he had an en suite, Dudley could shower there.
‘Here you go’ he handed Dudley a fresh towel and left him in the bathroom.
Draco retreated back to his bed feeling truly awful, why could he just never get anything right?
He held his head in his hands as he sat on the edge of his bed.
A few minutes passed and Draco hadn’t heard the shower start.
He knocked quietly on the door.
‘Dudley? Are you okay in there?’
Silence.
He knocked harder.
‘Dudley?’
Nothing.
‘Dudley? Dudley? If you don’t answer me I’m going to come in.’
Still nothing.
‘Dudley? I’m not joking if you don’t answer me I’m going to come in.’
Silence.
‘Okay I’m coming in!’
Draco slowly pushed the door open, half expecting Dudley to slam it shut.
Instead he found Dudley fully dressed and sat with his legs straight out in front of him on the floor. He was crying silently, his eyes wide and glassy and his mouth open. Dudley’s breathing was erratic, he was taking huge gulps of air but they were shallow breaths, his face was red and expressionless. He was staring straight forward as though he couldn’t even see Draco right there in front of him.
‘Dudley! Fuck, what happened? Are you okay?’
Dudley did nothing but look directly ahead, as if Draco hadn’t spoken at all.
Draco crouched down directly in front of Dudley’s face, being careful not to touch him.
‘Dudley?’
Dudley’s eyes suddenly focussed and met Draco’s.
‘Hello!’ Draco smiled
‘There you are!’
Dudley did nothing but look at him, he was shaking, his breathing still uneven.
‘Dudley you’re going to pass out soon if you don’t start breathing properly.’
Draco started to take some deep breaths that Dudley could match. In through his nose and out through his mouth.
Dudley tried, but he was still breathing too fast, it wasn’t working, Dudley looked at him desperately, it was like he was drowning on dry land.
‘Can I?’ Draco gestured to Dudley’s hands that were limp at his sides.
Dudley nodded immediately.
Draco took both of Dudley’s hands in his own.
‘Shut your eyes’ he instructed and Dudley did.
Draco placed Dudley’s hands on his own chest so he could feel the rise and fall.
It took a long time but eventually Dudley’s breaths began to slow down. His eyes were still closed and tears were still escaping from the corners but he was beginning to breathe properly again.
‘Dudley? Are you there?’
‘I’m here’ he replied in a small and shaky voice, still not opening his eyes.
‘What happened?’ Draco asked.
‘I don’t know, I was going to have a shower and all of a sudden I couldn’t breathe and it felt like I was going to die, it felt like I wasn’t really inside myself anymore.’
As Dudley finished the sentence he burst into a fresh bout of tears and fell forwards into Draco’s chest. Draco gathered him up in his arms holding him close and rubbing small circles into his back.
‘Shhhhh it’s okay, I’m right here.’ Draco didn’t want to ever let him go.