Wrong Boy Who Lived Harry Potter is in Azkaban until He Marries Pansy Parkinson

Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Gen
G
Wrong Boy Who Lived Harry Potter is in Azkaban until He Marries Pansy Parkinson
Summary
Humourous one-shot. WRONG BOY-WHO-LIVED combined with MARRIAGE-LAW FIC combined with HARRY IN AZKABAN.
Note
This arose out of a discussion with Guest reviewer Bane in Chapter 17 of “Harry Potter and the Three Ghosts” on AO3.Here’s what I said to Bane in one of my replies—I hate reading Angst in fanfics, to the point that when a fanfic turns angsty, I bail. The first thing to know about writing fanfics, at least for me, is that I write the stories I would be eager to read if someone else wrote them. Corollary: I don’t write stories that I’d refuse to read if someone else wrote them, unless they’re parody. So this is why I’ll never write marriage-law fics and “Harry in Azkaban” fics and “Wrong Boy-Who-Lived” fics.Unless I combined them?

In the Ministry Atrium, the supposed Boy Who Lived, Barry Potter, spit on Fudge’s photo. When the Aurors gave chase, Barry escaped through the Floo. The Aurors went to Potter Manor and arrested Barry’s twin brother Harry (the true Toddler Defeater of Voldemort), despite Harry’s protestations of innocence.

At Harry’s trial, not only did Ron Weasley and a strangely-monotone-speaking Hermione Granger testify against Harry, but Dumbledore talked for five minutes about all the ways that “Harry is going Dark.”

Three years later, Dumbledore showed up at Harry’s cell in the maximum-security wing of Azkaban. Dumbledore tried to hand Harry a written pardon. Instead of taking the pardon, suspicious Harry demanded to know, “What’s the catch?”

It turned out that if Harry accepted the pardon and left Azkaban, he then had to do one of two things immediately: marry Pansy Parkinson (because of a new marriage law that had been passed a year ago), or else track down “the eighth horcrux,” which was somewhere within an active volcano in Hawaii.

Harry’s reply to Dumbledore was to reach through the bars and to grab the robes of the nearest Auror, to pull him close, and to punch the Auror in the face. This new crime of “Assaulting an Auror” was not covered by the pardon.

The End