a beautiful star shining in the night
For the next few days, James tried getting Sirius off his back. He did his best to seem like the old James – all cocky and confident, ready for any pranks, and infatuated with Lily. As much as James’ inner alpha protested, he tried keeping his eyes away from the Slytherin table. He didn’t want Sirius to notice and instantly see through his facade.
Thankfully and somehow, after a while, Sirius hesitantly seemed to believe that James really didn’t care about Regulus. Regulus was simply Sirius’ little brother, James was too preoccupied chasing after Lily Evans and playing Quidditch to even think about his little brother. So Sirius finally let his guard down and they were back to being the best of friends.
James kind of felt bad for lying to Sirius like this, but he had to. He was still very confused by his own feelings. He didn’t understand why he was suddenly so fascinated by Regulus. Part of the reason James was acting like his old self was to try and stop feeling like his “new” self. Maybe if he went back to focusing on the things he loved before, James could finally forget about Regulus and everything could go back to normal.
But James wasn’t just lying to Sirius. He was lying to himself.
And he quickly realized this when one day, after a few minutes of pestering Lily, she whipped around and glared at him. Her green eyes were the same as always – vibrant, like two gleaming emeralds, and full of the same annoyance she always directed at James.
This would’ve been the part when James would just stare into those eyes, completely entranced and not even bothered by the fury in Lily’s eyes. But this time, as James looked into those green eyes, he couldn’t stop thinking about a very different pair of gray eyes.
James panicked and immediately rushed away, not even noticing the confusion clearly written on Lily’s face. James had never done this before, he was always very persistent with Lily.
His friends had been watching from afar, as they usually did, trying to root for James. But they all frowned and followed after him when they saw him running away.
“Prongs, what the hell was that?!” Sirius called after him.
James gritted his teeth and forced himself to come to a stop. He really didn’t want to face anyone right now – his head was buzzing with thousands of thoughts. But then his friends would just get more alarmed by his strange behavior.
“What was what?” he asked, trying to play dumb.
“Prongs, you’re never the first to leave! Lily’s always the first to leave, to stomp away because she’s so annoyed at you. And then you just stare after her for like a minute straight until finally coming back to your senses and sulking away,” Peter said like it was the most obvious thing ever. Honestly, it was – everyone knew this already. It’s been this way for years now.
“This can’t simply be because of that ‘plan’ of yours,” Sirius said. “Speaking of which, when will it ever be ready? I doubt it’s a difficult plan to scheme.”
James wanted to shout in frustration. Sirius and Peter wouldn’t stop asking him when his “plan” would be ready. But it was his own fault after all, for telling that lie and making them believe he really was working on that plan.
“I’m working on it,” he gritted out, already turning away to keep walking.
“We could help y’know! It’s been a while since we schemed on something like this,” Sirius said, instantly walking right next to him.
“Pads, I think we should just leave Prongs alone for the moment,” Remus said.
“I have an idea!” Peter suddenly blurted out. “The slug club’s next party is pretty soon isn’t it? Prongs, why don’t you hatch out your plan right before the party, so that Lily will break up with her boyfriend and invite you to the party instead!”
“That’s brilliant, Pete!” Sirius agreed. James wanted to sigh loudly. “But for that, Prongs needs to hurry up on ‘working on it.’”
“I will!” James exclaimed. He couldn’t hide the exasperation from his voice. The atmosphere grew awkward after his outburst.
Remus cleared his throat. “So… um, I forgot to tell you guys, but Slughorn actually gave me an invitation for this party.”
The previous conversation was instantly forgotten as the other three marauders looked at Remus with wide eyes.
“What!?”
Remus chuckled nervously. “Uh, yeah. At first I thought he’d mistaken me for someone else, but the letter clearly had my name on it. So…”
“You’re not going are you?” Sirius asked.
“Well…”
“Moony, seriously? Weren’t we all mocking those stupid parties just a few weeks ago? I thought we all agreed that if we ever got invited – which would never happen since Slughorn is Slughorn – we’d never go to those ridiculous things.”
“But if Lily were to ever invite James as her date, James would go,” Peter reminded.
“But that’s different! James is desperate so obviously he’d do anything to get Evans–”
“Hey!”
“–but Remus shouldn’t stoop so low. None of us should. So you’re not going, right?” Sirius looked expectantly at Remus.
The omega hesitated before saying, “Actually, I was thinking that maybe those parties aren’t too bad after all. I mean, Lily’s part of the slug club and she has standards doesn’t she? So it can’t be too bad… and it’s just one party. It’s not like I’m suddenly becoming a full-fledged member of the slug club.”
Sirius looked at Remus in disbelief. Remus seemed to shrink under Sirius’ sharp gaze. The omega looked up at the alpha through his lashes and shyly asked, “So… say, if I asked you to join me, you wouldn’t go…?”
“Of course not!” Sirius said in an instant. Remus immediately stiffened. “Do you even know how many times an omega from the slug club has asked me to go with them? Well why do you think I’ve never accompanied them – it’s because I truly think those slug club parties are ridiculous! I don’t know why Evans is a part of it – and I don’t know why my dear, dumb little brother is too.”
James slightly perked up at that, but then he reprimanded himself for getting excited just at the mere mention of Regulus.
Sirius didn’t notice though, still overwhelmed with disbelief and anger at Remus. “You shouldn’t go!”
Remus, whose face was already full of hurt, instantly glared at the alpha. “You can’t tell me what to do! So I’m sorry if you think those parties are stupid, but I’m going! And I can already think of many alphas who’d be delighted to join me!”
Sirius spluttered. “Like who?! First you’re going to that dumb party and now this?! What, you’re going to tell me you’re going with fucking Mulciber? Malfoy? Snivellus?! It’s already bad enough that you’re going; don’t stoop so low to go with practically anyone, they’ll only use you. Don’t be such a desperate omega, Remus – it’s not a pretty look.”
All of the color drained from Remus’ face. Shock and hurt slammed into him, and his eyes instantly welled up with tears. “I can’t believe you, Sirius Black!” his voice was shaky, also full of utter hurt, and he stormed away. The scent of a distressed omega drenched the air, even after he was long gone.
James was stunned, looking between Sirius and where Remus had just stormed away. Peter quivered from behind James, looking just as shocked as he was.
Although Sirius’ face was scarily blank, his fists shook and his scent was growing thicker, to a point where it nearly became unbearable. His overpowering alpha scent combined with the distressed omega scent lingering in the air made the atmosphere feel absolutely suffocating. Peter, though he was a beta, quickly covered his nose and ran off. James took a few steps back, wincing slightly. “Sirius–” he tried to say.
But Sirius also stormed away, in the opposite direction of where Remus had left.
***
Even though the marauders have had many arguments before, this one felt a bit worse. James believed Sirius really did fuck up this time.
Remus avoided them at all costs. He wasn’t really angry at James or Peter, but since they were always around Sirius, he decided to stay away. But Peter sometimes joined him, leaving James alone with a brooding Sirius.
Sirius was definitely not a joy to be around these days. He was always moping around or glaring at literally anything – it often scared the first years. He was unusually aggressive, with most things irking him off, and would even have trouble suppressing his growls.
James tried being there for him but basically nothing could calm Sirius down. If Sirius wasn’t angrily venting, he’d be scarily silent, like a predator stalking its prey.
Whenever it became a bit too much for James, he’d go off to Remus instead, leaving Sirius to sulk from afar. But honestly, Remus was no better than Sirius. He was always glaring at the alpha and did petty things, like leave the room the second Sirius stepped foot inside. Despite his anger, Remus’ eyes would also often be red and puffy, and the omega sometimes excused himself to surely cry somewhere else alone.
He also often vented to James, and James found himself stuck between his two best friends, sort of going back and forth between them. It was honestly exhausting. James wished they’d just make up already.
Throughout it all, James couldn’t help but stare at one particular omega, whether it be at the great hall or passing through corridors. While Sirius or Remus would be ranting, James would be lost in thought, looking at the pretty omega – Regulus.
At least now, Regulus no longer vanished into thin air. James was able to catch more glimpses of him, but Regulus was still clearly avoiding the alpha. James has been so caught up in his friends’ troubles that he almost forgot he and Regulus still needed to talk.
“Look at him – so busy with his fucking books. How is he so sure there’s so many alphas that could accompany him to that stupid party when he’s never even dated any before! He’s such a goody-two-shoes, always so enthralled with those books, and never having time for any romance. I always thought he hated romance!” Sirius rambled while glaring at Remus, who was sitting across the common room (very far away from them), face buried in a book.
James sighed, looking up and willing himself to find patience. “I thought you used to be endeared by him being a bookworm,” he muttered half-heartedly.
“Yeah, but then I found out he’s been trying to find an alpha! This whole time, he tricked me! Tricked us all. He made me believe it was just him and his books, but no, he’s desperate to find an alpha!”
“He’s not desperate, he just needs someone to go with him to the party,” James then locked eyes with Sirius and said pointedly, “You could’ve been the one to go with him – he mentioned it, didn’t he? – but you sort of fucked it up, mate.”
Sirius flushed and spluttered out, “W-Why would I want to go with him?! Me? And him?! At Slughorn’s ridiculous little party?!”
“Fine, keep denying it,” James said under his breath, already getting up to leave. Sirius was giving him a headache – yet again.
“Stupid Remus with his stupid books and his stupid scent,” Sirius continued grumbling, not even noticing that James was gone now.
James let out a long sigh when he finally escaped, walking with nowhere in mind. He regretted not getting the map or his cloak before leaving, since it was getting late and curfew would start soon.
His feet carried him all the way up to the astronomy tower. He usually never came here outside of class. He wondered why he came here tonight.
As he opened the door, he immediately froze, an enchanting smell slamming into his nostrils. His eyes snapped onto the lone figure standing by the railings, his black hair fluffy like always, and his back small.
Omega!
James was startled by his inner alpha’s loud thought, but his eyes remained firmly on Regulus, who quickly realized the alpha’s presence.
“Potter,” he said quietly, still not facing James.
James slowly approached him, feeling like the omega would disappear once more. When he finally stood next to him, James’ breath caught in his throat as he gawked at the omega.
Regulus looked absolutely stunning. His eyes were silver, sparkling under the moonlight. The stars illuminated his face beautifully, making him look like an angel. His head was tilted back to look at the sky, exposing his pale, delicious neck, the neck that James just wanted to bury his face in and take a bite–
“Stop staring, Potter,” Regulus said, snapping James out of his thoughts.
James flushed slightly and quickly averted his eyes from that neck to instead look at Regulus’ beautiful face. It was only then that he realized the omega’s cheeks were dusted pink. It was almost like he was–
“Are you blushing?” James gasped out. This made the omega’s face flush darker.
“It’s the breeze,” Regulus snapped. There was no breeze anywhere.
A bright, lopsided smile formed on James’ face. “Are you cold then?” he asked, wanting to tease him. “I can give you my jacket.”
“Don’t even think about it!” Regulus hissed out.
“Okay, okay, no need to take your claws out, kitten.”
Regulus’ eyes widened and he finally looked at James – well, more like glared at him. “I thought I told you not to call me that!”
“But it suits you,” James pouted. But he relented and instead looked up at the sky. “Are you up there tonight?”
Regulus paused for a moment, surprised that James didn’t continue teasing him, before answering, “…Yes actually.” He then pointed at the brightest star currently in the sky. “It’s that one.”
James’ eyes widened. “It’s beautiful!” he breathed out – the star was gleaming vibrantly. He then glanced at the omega, eyes growing wider and breath hitching once more. “So beautiful.”
Regulus hummed, his own eyes glued to the sky. After a few more seconds, he suddenly started talking. He started talking about the star he was named after, of which constellation it belonged to, how far away it was – and then he talked about all the other stars visible in the night sky they were looking at, and about any random space fact he could think of.
The entire time, James stared at Regulus in complete awe. This is the most he’s ever talked in front of James – and he looked gorgeous, so enthralled in what he was discussing.
“You know a lot about the stars and the galaxies,” James says with a smile.
“Of course. It would be strange if I didn’t – my entire family is literally named after the stars. And… it’s just really fascinating. There’s so much to learn about space, so much we still don’t know. It sometimes makes you feel small, in such a vast universe. If you really think about it, our existence is so minuscule, so useless. If a meteor crashed into Earth and killed us all, the rest of the universe would live on, not even aware of our demise.”
“Oh… that’s quite dark,” James chuckled, still fond of the omega’s rambling.
“Not really, just realistic. Anyways, Sirius isn’t up there tonight,” Regulus mused before huffing, “Which is good – I don’t need any reminders of him at the moment.”
“Me neither honestly,” James mumbled.
Regulus raised an eyebrow and glanced at him. “Oh? Why not?”
“Ugh, it’s a long story…” James sighed, running a hand through his hair.
Regulus pursed his lips before saying quietly, “I can listen… if you want.”
James looked down at the omega, slightly surprised. Regulus looked back at him, eyes genuine, and James felt his heart skip a beat. He wanted to reach out and brush a lock of hair behind his ear to better look at those mesmerizing eyes but… he didn’t want to scare away the omega, not when James has gotten the chance to finally enjoy Regulus’ presence, talking about anything at all, and feeling like he belonged here, right next to the omega.
So James held himself back and instead started venting. And damn did it feel good – to finally, after all these days, let out all his frustrations.
By the end of his rant, Regulus looked slightly annoyed at his brother’s antics. “They should just kiss already,” he said very bluntly.
James choked on air. “W-Wha– kiss?!”
“Oh Potter, honestly, don’t tell me you’re surprised! Those two have been pining after each other for so long, and it’s so obvious that even I noticed it!”
James coughed weakly, feeling slightly embarrassed because it actually took him a long time to even notice anything. When he finally did start noticing some of their odd behavior, he still wasn’t completely sure. But it made sense now, and James felt stupid for not realizing sooner.
“I honestly feel bad for Lupin. My brother is the biggest idiot. I don’t understand how Lupin fell for him,” Regulus huffed.
“What I don’t get is why Sirius is always with so many other omegas if he likes Remus so much…”
“Like I said, Sirius is an idiot.”
James laughed at that. He laughed so hard that he was clutching his stomach and kneeling over. Merlin, he hadn’t had a good laugh in a while.
When he looked back at Regulus, he was stunned but delighted to see that a small smile had slipped past his features.
Later that night, James slept better than he ever had before.
***
James was afraid that his interaction with Regulus had been just a one-time thing, but he was thrilled to find out it wasn’t. The next night, after looking at the map, James went back to the astronomy tower, this time hidden under his cloak. He stared at Regulus for a bit, debating if he really should reveal himself and approach him again.
Regulus smelled him though, looking around curiously. That was when James took off his cloak, and they proceeded to have a long chat about the invisibility cloak. Regulus was fascinated the whole time, and James proudly showed off the cloak. He loved seeing the wonder in Regulus’ eyes as he touched the fabric.
They sort of began to have a routine after that, meeting up at the astronomy tower every night, looking at all the stars, and talking about many things.
James quickly adored Regulus’ personality. He loved how witty and sarcastic he could be, loved his endless knowledge on many things, loved his hidden compassionate side, and especially loved some of the cute things he did. Yes, Regulus Black did many cute things, without even realizing it. He truly was like a little kitten.
James loved to tease him, loved to see the incredulous looks or the blush on his face. They bickered sometimes, but it was obviously good-natured. Soon enough, it somehow felt like James had known the omega his whole life.
Every day, James looked forward to escaping the Gryffindor tower and hanging out with Regulus during the night. Now, Sirius’ and Remus’ fight no longer affected James; he couldn’t care less. Not when he had Regulus’ far more pleasant company to spend time with. Regulus truly was like a bright, shining star, even in the darkest of nights.
“We only ever hang out here, after everyone’s gone to bed,” James noted.
Regulus glanced at him, frowning slightly. “Is that a problem?” he asked.
“No, not at all! It’s just… I’d like to hang out with you more often,” James said with a smile. Regulus immediately bowed his head down, which James had come to know that meant he was probably shy or embarrassed and was trying to hide a blush. James’ smile grew.
“I doubt Sirius will like that…”
Oh right. Sirius – nor anyone else – had no idea that James and Regulus were meeting up most nights. It was a secret, one they silently agreed to keep for many reasons. Regulus still feared his parents after all, and they both feared Sirius’ wrath. Besides, they didn’t need to tell everyone what they were doing – they weren’t doing anything bad, they just talked and hung out like friends.
Part of James was very happy to be able to consider Regulus his friend now – the omega was a delight to be around, and James wished he’d gotten to know him sooner. But another much deeper part of him felt like something was missing. Like that word – ‘friend’ – wasn’t enough.
“Well we don’t have to hang out in front of everyone,” James said, a mischievous glint already forming in his eyes. “I know many hidden places, and I also have my ways of knowing when somewhere is empty or not.”
Regulus looked at him skeptically. James told him, “Meet me tomorrow near the kitchens, right before lunch.”
“Fine. But if anyone catches us, you’re dead.”
And so the next day, James gladly ditched Sirius who was of course silently sulking, and instead put on his cloak and made his way to their agreed destination. James saw Regulus standing warily down the hall, slightly hidden by an alcove. He quickly sniffed out James’ scent and asked under his breath, “Potter?”
“I’m here,” he whispered back. “We’re going to the kitchens now.”
“The kitchens? Why there? No students are able to enter.”
“Just follow my scent and I’ll lead you to a secret passageway.”
Regulus still looked skeptical but complied. They finally stopped right in front of the painting with a bowl of fruits on it.
“Okay, now tickle the pear.”
“What?!” Regulus asked incredulously.
“Tickle the pear.”
“I’m not going to tickle the fucking pear! Are you mad?!”
“Just tickle it!”
Regulus continued grumbling under his breath but begrudgingly tickled the pear, which then turned into a doorknob. Regulus blinked at it in shock.
“Told you,” James chuckled. Regulus simply rolled his eyes before pulling the portrait open. He waited a few seconds for James to enter first and then followed along.
James took off his cloak. When he looked at Regulus again, he immediately grinned at the awestruck look on Regulus’ face. “It’s wicked, isn’t it? Here, we can eat whatever we want! The elves will make it for us.”
And as if on cue, an elf popped up beside them. “Mr. Potter! Mr. Black! Welcome sirs! What is it that yous would like to eat?” he said eagerly.
“Uh… just give me some steak with potatoes – medium rare,” James said.
Regulus scrunched up his nose. “Typical of an alpha,” he muttered.
“Of course, Mr. Potter! And Mr. Black, what would you like?”
“I’ll also have the same, but please cook mine well. Thank you, sir.”
The elf squeaked in shock before smiling widely. “Mr. Black is so very kind! This elf is delighted to serve yous! The food wills be ready shortly!” And then he disappeared.
James led them to a table, sighing in relief. “I’m so glad I don’t have to spend lunch with Sirius! Or Remus – they’re both not the best to be around lately.”
Regulus chuckled. “You’re like some sort of peace mediator.”
“I am, even though I never asked to be!” James cried out. “It’s far more pleasant to be around you.”
Regulus’ face flushed slightly before he quickly looked away. He noticed all of the flowers surrounding them, on the walls and even at the center of the table. “The flowers here are beautiful.”
James hummed before asking him, “What are your favorite flowers?”
“It may be a bit basic, but I really like roses. Especially white ones,” Regulus replied.
“That’s not basic at all. Roses are lovely,” James said, and then his mind conjured up an image of Regulus, surrounded by roses, looking ethereal. Sometimes James really hated his mind for making him think of things like that. He cleared his throat and asked another question. “What’s your favorite fruit?”
“Why are you suddenly asking me random questions?”
“I just want to know more about you,” James shrugged.
Regulus humored him anyway. “My favorite are blackberries, but I also like cherries, strawberries, and pears.”
“Why am I not surprised that Regulus Black likes blackberries?”
“Very funny,” Regulus rolled his eyes. “What about you?”
“Eh,” James winced. “I’m not the biggest fan of fruits but if I had to choose, I’d go for red apples.”
“Why am I not surprised that James Potter likes red apples?” Regulus echoed his words.
James barked out a laugh. “And I’m sure you prefer green apples?”
“Obviously.”
“In that case–” James suddenly called over an elf, telling her to bring a big bowl full of Regulus’ favorite fruits. When the elf disappeared, Regulus said, “You didn’t have to do that.”
“Consider it an appetizer while we wait for the main course.”
Regulus bit his lip, clearly trying to hold back a smile. The elf quickly came back, placed the bowl at the center, and disappeared once more. The first thing Regulus picked out was a blackberry, and he made a satisfied noise the moment he tasted it.
James smiled, eyes full of adoration, as he watched the omega eagerly eat more of those blackberries. Regulus was so busy enjoying the berries that it took him a while to realize the alpha was staring at him. When he did, he instantly flushed a pretty pink.
“Don’t just stare. Eat something as well.”
James decided to be a little shit. “Feed me a cherry?”
“Of course not!” Regulus exclaimed, flushing once more. They then proceeded to bicker lightly and James was once again reminded why he loved being around Regulus. Their lunch quickly arrived soon after, and they enjoyed it while talking about other things. James didn’t even notice the time slipping by, and he pouted when he realized they needed to leave.
“Why don’t we skip the rest of our classes for today? I have potions next,” James scrunched up his nose.
“Potions is the best subject!” Regulus scolded. “And no, we can’t just skip classes. Be a patient alpha won’t you? We can just meet up at the astronomy tower later tonight.”
“Fine,” James sighed, already looking forward to it. “You can go first, to make sure nobody sees you leaving here.”
Just as Regulus was about to leave, he turned to the alpha, face slightly red, and said, “Thank you for the lunch, James. I really enjoyed it.” He then quickly went out the painting, leaving James to stare dumbly after him.
Regulus just called him by his first name.
***
James sighed dreamily, chin on his palm, leaning against a bookshelf, staring off into the distance. He was thinking of Regulus, as he usually did these days.
“Prongs? Prongs? James!”
The alpha suddenly felt a thick book smack his head. “Ouch– Remus! What was that for?!”
“You were daydreaming again,” Remus said, raising an eyebrow, before handing him a stack of books. “Now help me out, will you? We need to put all of these books back.”
“Damn Moony, you read all of these?!”
“I still have a few more at the dorms…”
James snorted but helped him out anyway. By the time they finished, Remus collapsed into a chair tiredly. James glanced around them before whispering, “Is the full moon affecting you already?”
Remus nodded stiffly. “So… it’s just going to be you and Peter joining this time right?”
James frowned. “Sirius will also be there. Why wouldn’t he be?”
Remus gave a pointed look at the alpha. “We’re not exactly on the best of terms…”
“Moony, don’t be unreasonable. Even though we have our fights, at the end of the day, we’re marauders. We stick together, and we help each other whenever we really need it. We’ll always be there for you during… those days, even if we might be mad at you. So Padfoot will obviously be there.”
Remus sighed, looking down. “You might say that but… I’m not even sure if he’ll show up in the first place.” There was obvious fear in his voice, fear that Sirius would still be so mad at him to not even show up for the full moon. That would be like the biggest betrayal for Remus.
“Don’t worry, he’ll show up. I know he will,” James said sincerely. He knew that even if Sirius was angry, he'd always show up for the full moon. He always has, and he always will.
Remus let out a shaky breath before shaking his head, not wanting to think more about that topic. “Have you noticed Lily’s been fighting a lot with her boyfriend?”
James paused. “Really? Trouble in paradise?”
Remus stared at James, smiling slightly. “Is that your only reaction?”
James furrowed his brows. How else did Remus expect him to react? But then he quickly remembered he was supposed to be keeping up a facade. Shit, how could I forget?! “Oh! I mean – uh, that’s great! Hopefully they break up, and then I’ll finally have my chance!”
Remus suddenly laughed and looked at James as if he were dumb. “You don’t have to pretend in front of me. I’m not as gullible as the others.”
James’ shoulders instantly sagged. “I figured,” he said.
“If you don’t mind me asking… how did this happen? You went years without giving up, always being so relentless – I thought you’d never get over her!”
James sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I actually don’t know how or when this happened, but suddenly I started realizing that my heart no longer sped up whenever I saw her, and that I was no longer constantly thinking about her.” Though he was already aware of this, saying it out loud made it feel so different. Made it feel so real.
He was no longer in love with Lily Evans.
He used to think that would be impossible. The mere thought horrified him. That was literally part of his personality – being infatuated with the red-haired omega. He used to think he’d rather die than not be in love with her.
But now… now he’s not in love with her.
Now he–
“You’re… thinking about someone else now, aren’t you?” Remus asked tentatively.
James felt his heart freeze and he gulped with difficulty. Yes. He couldn’t deny it anymore, he couldn’t act like it was just nothing.
Every night, right before closing his eyes, his mind no longer thought about green eyes and red hair – he thought about gray eyes and black hair.
…He was in love with Regulus.