everything comes crumbling down
His newfound discovery was the only thing he could think about. His mind absolutely buzzed, repeating like a mantra: I’m in love with Regulus.
Even though he sort of saw it coming, it still left him completely stunned. The whole day, he could barely concentrate on anything else. He was glad the full moon was tonight – maybe a run in the forest would help clear his mind a bit.
While he and Peter waited outside the whomping willow, Sirius arrived in a rush. “I’m not late, am I?!”
“Nah, I think he still has a few more minutes left,” Peter told him.
“You came after all,” James commented absent-mindedly. Maybe he should’ve been paying more attention to what he said.
Sirius instantly looked crestfallen. “Of course I did.”
The atmosphere got a little tense after that as they waited for the first howls to come from the shack. Once they did, they all transformed and hurried to join their friend. That night, James vaguely noticed the wolf and dog pair were unusually closer than most full moons – constantly nuzzling into each other and running right next to each other. But James barely paid it any mind, still too preoccupied with his damn thoughts. He tried to let loose though, allowing his stag to take over and run free with the wind. As the hours went by, he thankfully forgot about the rest of the world (at least, temporarily).
By the time dawn arrived, James felt much more refreshed. “I really needed that!” he said as the three of them made their way back to the castle. Pomfrey would be arriving at the shack soon.
“Yeah, it was fun, wasn’t it?” Peter said.
Sirius remained silent until he finally said, “Do you think he’s alright?”
“Moony? Of course he is – I didn’t see his wolf trying to hurt himself tonight.”
“It was actually a bit strange. The wolf seemed happier than usual,” Peter mused.
Sirius let out a quiet breath of relief. “Good,” he said so quietly that James almost didn’t hear him.
And they were right – Remus quickly joined them for breakfast, not a single new scar on his skin, feeling better than he usually did after the full moon. He sat next to James, across from the other two. Sirius immediately stiffened but Remus stayed there, preoccupied with his food. James hid his shock. Well then… that was progress, right? Remus was finally willing to be near Sirius again, and Sirius even seemed relieved by it. Hopefully they’d even be on speaking terms again soon.
James glanced up from his food and his eyes locked onto dazzling gray ones. The alpha held his breath as Regulus discreetly threw him a very small, barely there smile. James felt his heart quicken and he couldn’t do anything else but smile back, though his was much more obvious.
“What are you smiling at?” Sirius asked him.
The smile immediately wiped off his face. “N-Nothing,” he stuttered, looking back at his breakfast.
Sirius looked suspiciously at him before glancing around, trying to find the culprit. “No sign of Evans nearby…”
James suppressed the urge to roll his eyes, but his mood didn’t sour. Nothing could dampen his mood after seeing the subtle smile on Regulus’ face, directed at him.
Fuck. He was really whipped for the omega, wasn’t he?! James was once again reminded of his little “discovery” and he, once again, began thinking about it nonstop.
Today, they had potions early in the morning. James was still lost in thought as Slughorn droned on about something, James didn’t really care. But then something else caught his attention. At the center of their professor’s desk was a cauldron full of a gleaming, pinkish pearl potion.
As if on cue, Slughorn suddenly gestured to the cauldron and asked the class, “Now, does anybody here know what this potion is? Ms. Evans?”
James glanced at the redhead and was surprised to see how distracted she looked. “Huh?” she said. “Sorry professor… I don’t know what it is.” James found that strange – Lily was very good at potions, surely she would’ve been able to figure it out.
“Ah, very well then. Anybody else?”
Only a few hands shot up, including Remus’. If the Slytherins shared this class with them, Slughorn probably would’ve picked one of them. But instead, he looked around and said, “Mr. Lupin! You’re a smart boy, surely you know what it is?”
“Yes professor. This potion is called Amortentia – or, better known as the world’s strongest love potion.”
A love potion? James has heard of it before. Some of the omegas in their class quickly perked up, looking at the potion in interest.
“Correct!” Slughorn said. “And Mr. Lupin, do you know what exactly it does?”
“Yes sir. Since it’s a love potion, the person who uses it can get anyone to become obsessed with them. But this is a very dangerous potion; it cannot create real love, merely an infatuation, and that infatuation can become dangerous,” Remus then paused before adding, “Amortentia is also unique in that it smells differently to everyone, depending on what attracts them most.”
“Correct, Mr. Lupin! Five points to Gryffindor. Now, why don’t you come up here and share with the class what you smell?”
Remus immediately squeaked. “M-Me?”
“Why not? I’ll ask a few other students to also volunteer, but you first, seeing as you were the only one to answer correctly,” Slughorn said.
Remus slowly walked up to the front table, his face slightly red. He hesitantly inhaled the potion’s fumes and said, “Well, the first thing I smell is chocolate. I can also smell leather-bound books, the scent of a forest, and…” he tilted his head, “…wet dog fur,” he said slowly, and it seemed like he didn’t even realize what he said until it was too late. He instantly flushed a bright red and didn’t look anyone in the eyes.
“Interesting Mr. Lupin, you can go back to your seat. Now, who’s next?”
Remus shuffled back to his seat but he continued not meeting anyone’s eyes. He looked incredibly small and his scent tinged with anxiety. James knew why he was like this. After talking about it with Regulus, James was able to see clearly just how much Remus and Sirius liked each other, even if they themselves didn’t know it. It was quite infuriating, and as James glanced at Sirius, he wanted to bang his head against a wall. Sirius was looking curiously at Remus, obviously confused by his description, but also completely oblivious. James thought the “wet dog fur” was obvious, but clearly not to Sirius.
“Alright, last student. Uh– Mr. Potter! I’ve noticed you haven’t been participating much in class recently. Why don’t you come up here and share what the potion smells like,” Slughorn suddenly said. James felt like a deer in headlights, and it took him a moment to finally get up and approach the cauldron.
He warily leaned in and inhaled. Immediately, multiple scents assaulted his nose, all of them very delightful. Some were stronger than the others, and some reached his nose first. “Uh,” James tried to make sense of it all and slowly described the smells. “There’s the smell of treacle tarts… the smell of a brand new broomstick, as well as a forest… roses… and…” James felt his heart stutter, and his lips moved before his mind even caught up, “…blackberries.”
“Very good Mr. Potter, you can go back now,” Slughorn then began showing them a few other cauldrons he had next to the Amortentia, but James didn’t hear any of it. He felt like he was in a daze as he slowly walked back to his seat.
Blackberries– and roses.
He really was in love with Regulus Black.
***
“Roses? Since when do you like roses? I thought for sure you’d say something like ‘lilies,’” Sirius rambled the moment class was over. “And blackberries too? Mate, I’ve literally never seen you eat blackberries – you barely like fruits! The treacle tarts made sense but not the blackberries.”
James tried calming down. He didn’t want to lash out at Sirius, especially since the other alpha was in a much better mood than he has been in a while. So he gritted his teeth and simply shrugged.
Sirius looked around and his expression turned dejected. “So… looks like Remus is back to avoiding us.” Avoiding Sirius, but James didn’t bother correcting him.
The second class ended, Remus flew out of his seat and left the other three marauders behind. James of course knew the reason why – Remus must be feeling mortified after sharing what the potion smelled like. Too bad Sirius was so dense.
“And you? What does the potion smell like to you?” James asked as they passed by the cauldron on their way out.
Sirius inhaled the fumes and had a contemplative look on his face. “Huh. The first thing I can make out is leather… there’s also smoke, the scent of a forest – notice how we all share that scent? – and… chocolate.”
James couldn’t hold back the snort that escaped him. His friends were insufferable idiots.
As they began walking down a long corridor, someone suddenly came up to them.
“Potter,” Lily said. James froze, stunned. Lily had never willingly approached him like this before. “Can I have a word with you alone?”
Sirius immediately started wolf-whistling and Peter had a shit-eating grin on his face. But James could only feel dread start forming in the pit of his stomach.
“Go on then, mate. What’re you waiting for?” Sirius pushed him towards the omega and James could only warily follow after her. They arrived at an abandoned classroom, and the second after Lily closed the door, she crumpled into herself. Quiet sniffles escaped her, causing James’ eyes to widen.
“S-Sorry…” she began, hurriedly wiping away her tears. “It’s just– you see, David and I broke up.”
Oh. David – a muggleborn Hufflepuff in the year above them – was Lily’s boyfriend. Well, ex-boyfriend now apparently. The same alpha who just a few months ago, James had been wanting to challenge.
“Um, I’m really sorry about that,” James said awkwardly.
Lily wiped away a few more stray tears but gave James an odd look. “That’s not what I wanted to talk about though. It’s just a bit of context… What I wanted to ask you is, could you accompany me to Professor Slughorn’s upcoming party?”
James nearly choked on air. His eyes bulged out and his entire body froze. What?! Did Lily Evans really just ask him that?!
At James’ shocked silence, Lily hastily added, “As friends of course – don’t get any silly ideas! It’s just that David has already moved on so quickly, and that really stings. I try not to feel jealous or vengeful but… it’s hard. I-I just want to show him, at least this once, that I’m also doing fine without him. But I couldn’t really think of anyone else who could do the favor for me, aside from you.” She gave a pointed look at James. “So will you do it?”
James still felt frozen. He didn’t know what to say. Oh the irony – if Lily had come to him just a few months ago, he obviously would’ve said yes. For years, this had been the moment he’d been waiting for. This was his chance to win Lily’s heart over. But… things were different now. He was no longer trying to win Lily’s heart over.
As he looked into Lily’s eyes, they were large and pleading, still welled up with tears. Her scent was full of hurt and despair. She was clearly desperate – she was literally asking James, of all people, for help!
James chewed on his lip. His compassionate side felt a bit bad for the omega. She was clearly going through a lot right now. She wouldn’t have asked James to do this if she didn’t truly feel like she needed it. Another side of James though, felt repulsed by the idea. Lily was a beautiful omega, nobody could deny that. But… she wasn’t the omega he wanted anymore.
“I-I… can you give me some time to think about it?” James asked helplessly. Maybe with some more time, James would know what to actually say to her.
Lily looked slightly crestfallen but nodded anyway. “Of course. I know it’s very sudden; take the time you need. But please do give me your answer before the party.”
James agreed and quickly hurried out of there. He couldn’t believe that just happened.
***
For the rest of the day, his thoughts were plagued by Lily’s unexpected request. He did his best to avoid everyone, especially Sirius and Peter who clearly wanted to know what they talked about. Anytime class ended, James was always the first one out the door. He kept the map in his bag so that his friends wouldn’t be able to find him anywhere.
For dinner, he hid away in the kitchens. As he stared around at all of the flowers, a single white rose stood out at the center of the bouquet at his table. James’ heart squeezed painfully. Without another thought, he made his way to the astronomy tower. It was still too early but James didn’t care. He’d wait, no matter how long it took.
After a few more hours, the door finally opened. James had been in the middle of staring up at the sky, glumly realizing that Regulus wasn’t up there tonight, but once he heard the door open, he instantly turned around.
James felt the world stop for a moment. It didn’t matter that the actual star wasn’t in the sky tonight – Regulus shined brighter than anything else in the night.
“Oh,” Regulus blinked up at him, his eyes resembling beautiful diamonds. “You’re here before I am.”
James smiled, still looking at the omega in complete awe. Regulus’ face flushed slightly and he shyly looked down. “Don’t just stare…” that was something the omega often repeated. It only ever made James smile and stare more.
But the alpha knew he had to say something. And as Regulus came to stand beside him, James was painfully reminded of several things: of his feelings for the omega, and of what Lily had just asked him to do. There was a raging battle going on within James.
He was terrified. He was so utterly terrified of confessing to Regulus and getting rejected. James couldn’t stand the thought of not having the omega in his life. He didn’t want to ruin their friendship, but James’ feelings could possibly do just that. So what was he supposed to do?
James hesitated for a long while until eventually deciding to test the waters. “Regulus,” he began hesitantly. “…you know Slughorn’s party is soon, right?” Regulus nodded, looking at James curiously. “I couldn’t help but wonder… are you going with anyone?”
Regulus looked completely surprised by the question. It took him a few seconds to answer. “Well, me and Barty had already agreed to go together…”
“Oh,” James’ face immediately fell. “I-I didn’t realize you two were…” he trailed off, his throat closing up, not daring to finish that sentence. His heart was already beginning to tear.
Regulus’ eyes widened. “No!” he exclaimed, a bit too quickly. “It’s not like that at all! Don’t get the wrong idea, Barty’s literally one of my best friends! Ew, I’d never see him like that.”
James let out a breath of relief. His heart was still intact (for now).
“We just agreed to go with each other because…” he hesitated. “Promise me you won’t say anything to anyone?”
“Promise.”
“Good, because otherwise Barty would probably kill us both in our sleep,” Regulus said casually. James gulped. “Anyways, Barty had been dating this omega for a while now. It was a miracle! We were all very surprised, seeing as he’s always been such a fuckboy.”
James tried not to chuckle at the words Regulus was using.
“But then, unfortunately, the omega broke up with him. Salazar, you should’ve seen him right after the break up. He’s usually crazy, but those days he was batshit crazy.”
“Is there a difference?” James grimaced.
“Oh yes! Batshit crazy Barty is very dangerous, don’t ever get in his way when he’s like that,” Regulus said seriously. “And then, Slughorn gave out the invitations, which only reminded Barty of his singleness, and he proceeded to spiral again. He kept saying there was no way he could go alone, that he’d seem pathetic, so he quickly tried finding an omega to go with. But most of the omegas he asked were his exes – don’t know why he did that! – and they all turned him down. He got so hopeless that he ended up begging me to go with him. Obviously we’ll just go together as friends, but at least he won’t be alone.”
“Huh…” James needed some time to process all of that. His heart squeezed painfully, even though he knew he shouldn’t feel so hurt. Regulus just explained everything – he was literally just going with a friend.
“Why did you want to know?” Regulus asked. He seemed a bit apprehensive.
James hesitated. Should he tell him the truth? He was too much of a coward to do that. So he bit his lip and instead blurted out, “It’s just that– Lily actually asked me to go with her!”
Immediately, Regulus stiffened, his eyes growing distant.
“And well… I really didn’t know what to say to her. Because… I-I was j-just thinking… if, maybe, you hadn’t found someone to go with yet… we could go together? A-As friends of course! B-But I guess you already have someone else…”
There was a completely unreadable look on Regulus’ face. He was silent for a while, which made James nervous. Finally, he said very quietly and in a strange tone, “You should go with her.”
James, who was holding his breath, felt his heart drop. “…You think so?”
Regulus chuckled, but there was no humor in his voice. “You’re James Potter. Everyone knows you’re in love with Evans, so why wouldn’t you go with her?”
James’ heart kept sinking.
“Be happy James. You finally have an opportunity with her,” Regulus was now looking away, his head bowed and his hair falling over his eyes, making it impossible to see his expression.
James finally felt his heart sink completely and shatter into pieces. He felt anything but happy at that moment.
***
James was a coward. He was such a fucking coward that he didn’t know how he was even a Gryffindor.
He should’ve told Regulus the actual truth – he should’ve confessed his feelings for him. Maybe then, depending on the omega’s answer, he could’ve bailed on Crouch and they could’ve gone together to the party instead.
But that’s just it – James was deathly afraid of Regulus’ answer. The best possible outcome would obviously be for the omega to reciprocate his feelings. But what if he didn’t? That’s what James was fucking terrified of, and he was a coward, so he’d rather not know at all. He’d rather keep his feelings bottled up inside than hear what Regulus’ answer was.
So with grave disappointment and his inner alpha protesting, James agreed to accompany Lily to the party. He could’ve said no, but he honestly did feel pretty bad for Lily. She was clearly going through a lot at the moment, and it would surely mean something to her if he went with her to that stupid party. Besides, they were just going as friends.
James didn’t bother telling anyone about it, since he already knew Sirius and Peter would be cheering for him. But James didn’t feel cheerful at all, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to disguise his misery in front of his friends, so it was best to just keep his mouth shut.
Soon enough, the day of the party arrived. And James was dreading it.
From the early morning, James felt like there was a dark cloud hanging over his head. Over the years, Slughorn’s parties went from being a very exclusive thing to quite a big event. It was still pretty exclusive but more people were able to attend now, so the air was buzzing with excitement as friends and dates prepared for the big night.
It seemed like James wasn’t the only miserable one though, as Sirius was sulking the entire time for breakfast. He wouldn’t shut up about Remus.
“Who do you think he’s going with?” Sirius asked with a scowl. “I don’t think he’s going alone – he wants to rub it in my face. But who could possibly be his date?!”
“Padfoot, haven’t you noticed? One of the Prewett brothers seems to have taken an interest in Remus lately,” Peter said.
“WHAT?!” Sirius shouted, gaining the attention of other nearby students. He glared at all of them, making them shiver and quickly look away. “Since when?! Why haven’t you told me sooner?! How do you even know this? You never notice anything!”
“I do sometimes!” Peter argued indignantly.
“This is bloody insane! A fucking Prewett?! Remus sure is bold!” Sirius spat out.
“Hey at least it’s not a Slytherin. I heard rumors that Avery might be interested in a Gryffindor omega of our year – it could’ve been Remus,” Peter said.
“EXCUSE ME?!” Sirius bellowed, face red with fury. “FUCKING AVERY?!”
“Shit– maybe I shouldn’t have said that,” Peter mumbled, cowering.
James just sighed, running both hands through his hair, and looking at his still full plate. He was not at all hungry. The pit of dread in his stomach was increasing.
“Fuck. I better not hear that Reggie’s also going with some shitty alpha, or then I don’t know what I’ll fucking do,” Sirius growled. James instantly went rigid, and the pit in his stomach became unbearable.
“Peter!” Sirius barked out, making the beta flinch, “Have you heard anything about that? Since you apparently know all of Hogwarts’ gossip.”
“U-Uh no…” Peter hesitated, “Well… I-I think I did hear something a-about Mulciber?”
Sirius’ face and scent turned deadly. Peter squeaked.
“These omegas are gonna fucking put me in an early grave,” he growled lowly as he stalked out of the great hall, surely in search of his brother… or maybe Remus?
James pushed aside his plate and also got up to leave, not being able to stand all of his raging emotions. Even though he already knew Mulciber wasn’t going with Regulus, Crouch wasn’t much better either. Regulus told him they were just going as friends, he knows that, but he really couldn’t fight the bitter jealousy forming in his heart. Along with it, a deep self-loathing made itself known. He hated himself for not having the guts to confess.
***
“You look nice,” James commented as Lily finally joined him. James internally cringed at what he just said – it sounded awkward even to his own ears.
“Thanks. You don’t look too bad yourself,” Lily said as they made their way to the party. James was a ball of nerves, afraid of what would happen once they arrived. And when they finally did, he was right to be nervous; Slughorn immediately noticed them and made a big show.
“Lily! So good to see you’ve finally arrived! And– oh! Is that Mr. Potter with you?! My, my, this is quite unexpected,” Slughorn said very loudly. All eyes were on them in an instant. James could tell most people were shocked as they whispered and stared. He hated the attention.
After a few more minutes of Slughorn chatting with Lily, he finally let them go. Immediately, one of Lily’s friends came up to them. “Slughorn was right – this is very unexpected,” she said, looking James over critically. But then she grinned and turned to Lily, “You got a good catch with Potter – he’s very handsome! You two make such a pretty sight! Don’t drink too much of the ‘punch’ – otherwise, things might escalate between you two by the end of the night.” She winked, giggled, and walked away.
James grimaced but quickly hid it as Lily glanced at him. “I’m going to get a snack,” she said curtly.
“Alright. I’ll just sit at one of these tables then.” James sighed as he sat down, already feeling like the night was going to drag on forever. Some other Gryffindors who’d gotten invited approached him a few times, and they all expressed their surprise but congratulated him nonetheless. Marlene McKinnon even said, “Finally! About bloody time! You and Lily will finally have the perfect love story you were always meant to have. Mary owes me five galleons now – I knew you two would get together this year.”
James hated it all. He hated how everyone was so happy for them. This is all fake! he wanted to shout. I’m literally just helping Lily out as a friend! I don’t want her! – I want Regulus!
His heart longed for the other omega. Speaking of him, James hasn’t caught a single glimpse of Regulus so far. To be fair, there were a lot of people here. James was surprised by just how many there were – he thought barely anyone went to these parties. But he still thought he would’ve seen Regulus by now. He was disappointed by that.
While he wallowed in his thoughts, a very romantic song started playing. Oh great. He rolled his eyes.
“Potter,” Lily suddenly appeared beside him. She was looking at him expectantly. “Aren’t you going to ask me to dance?”
James sighed quietly. “Would you like to dance with me?” he asked, sticking his hand out. Lily took it and they made their way to the dance floor. James tried ignoring some of the stares they got.
“Now put your hands on my waist,” she hissed out.
“Huh?”
She huffed before doing it herself, and then wrapping her own hands around James’ shoulders. James blinked dumbly for a moment before trying to follow along with the dance. But he was pretty bad – at least he wasn’t as bad as he was years ago; back then it was like he had two left feet. He’s gotten better over the years so he managed to lead Lily along decently.
James tried not to look directly into Lily’s eyes, instead looking at her hair or at her forehead. But never into her eyes. If he did, he knew it would be more painful. He didn’t want to be looking into green eyes – he wanted to look into gray ones.
It was already painful enough. His inner alpha bristled at having to dance with another omega. And since they were so close, her scent was all James could smell. She had a pleasant scent, a bit too sweet, but it was nothing compared to Regulus’. This further upset his inner alpha and so James tried not breathing in too much.
“Thanks again for doing this,” Lily said quietly. She was looking over James’ shoulder. “I see David from here and I think he doesn’t look too happy.” She looked back at James and grinned. James did his best to smile back but he felt like it must’ve looked more like a grimace. Lily’s eyes flickered back over James’ shoulder, distracted. James did the same, but what he saw made his heart sink.
Regulus was staring at them. And his eyes were stormy, filled with so many emotions that it had James reeling. The most prevalent emotion, though, was what seemed to be sadness.
James froze but Regulus quickly looked away just as Crouch approached him. The alpha had an amused grin on his face as he held his hand out for Regulus to take. Regulus glanced at James again, so briefly that James wasn’t sure he actually did, and took Crouch’s hand.
It was like an arrow had pierced into James’ heart. He knew he should stop looking, but it was like a trainwreck, something he couldn’t keep his eyes off of. He watched, more arrows piercing into his heart, as Crouch placed his sleazy hands on Regulus’ small waist while the omega placed his hands on Crouch’s shoulders. They were horridly close.
Regulus looked absolutely gorgeous, but James could only focus on just how close he was to the other alpha.
More couples came onto the dance floor and soon enough, James lost them in the sea of people. Part of him was glad, since he no longer had to watch such an unpleasant scene. But the other part of him was anxious. It felt like, since he couldn’t see anything anymore, so many terrible possibilities could happen – like Crouch leaning down to kiss his omega.
If James was more lucid he might’ve realized he’d just called Regulus his, but instead, James was fighting back his inner alpha who was threatening to come out.
“Potter? Are you okay?” Lily asked, glancing up at him.
James closed his eyes and breathed in, but Lily’s scent was the only thing he could smell. He gritted his teeth. “I’m fine.”
Thankfully, the next song that came up was much more upbeat and James excused himself to go to the bathroom. Lily easily joined some of her friends.
The moment he was off the dance floor, James could breathe a bit more easily. He no longer felt like he was suffocating. He tugged at his shirt collar as he made his way outside. He wasn’t gonna leave yet – he’d have to let Lily know first – but he just needed some fresh air.
Unfortunately, he wasn’t alone for long as Remus suddenly joined him.
“Oh. I forgot you were also here,” James said, studying the omega. Remus looked pretty but he had his arms around himself and clearly lacked some confidence. He also seemed a bit nervous. “Is something wrong?”
Remus glanced around them before relaxing slightly. “It’s just– my date.”
“What’s wrong with your date?” James paused, “Wait– who even is your date? You never told us.”
Remus suddenly looked very sheepish. “Uh… well, I-I’m not trying to sound arrogant but I wasn’t lying when I said there were several alphas who could’ve gone with me. Fabian Prewett was one of them but… I rejected him.”
“Why did you reject him?”
Remus looked even more sheepish now. “Well, the thing is, I… kind of wanted to go with an alpha that would piss off Sirius the most. I figured Prewett wouldn’t irritate him that much, since he’s a Gryffindor and sort of our acquaintance so…”
James frowned. “Oh no, where are you going with this?”
“…Lockhart is my date.”
“What?!” James’ jaw dropped. “Lockhart’s an annoying, pompous little git!”
“I know! But that’s why I thought he’d be perfect for this, it would completely piss off Sirius.”
“You did all this for Sirius?!” James asked incredulously. He was reminded, once again, that his best friends were the biggest idiots. “Remus, what were you thinking?”
“I know, I know, it was stupid of me to do this! I really regret it now, especially after he tried kissing me after staring at himself in the mirror for ten minutes.”
“He really did that? Merlin, he’s insufferable!” James shook his head, before looking at Remus worriedly. “Are you alright though? Did he try to do anything else to you?” Remus was one of his closest friends, so of course James would feel protective if some snobbish alpha tried taking advantage of him.
“No, that’s all he tried to do. He’s too preoccupied staring into the mirror most of the time, so it surprised me when he tried doing that. I’m avoiding him now, in case he gets any other funny ideas,” Remus said, looking around anxiously.
The doors leading to the outside corridor suddenly opened. “Shit, it might be him–” Remus began but the scent quickly hit them, causing Remus to freeze. It wasn’t Lockhart – it was Sirius. And just by his scent alone, it was clear that he was furious.
“Are you fucking joking?” he yelled the second he saw them. He was glaring at Remus, who quickly started glaring back.
“I should be the one saying that to you!” Remus shouted. “What happened to ‘you’d never go to these ridiculous parties’?!”
James merely stared at Sirius in shock. He didn’t even know the other alpha had come to this party – he hadn’t seen him among all the other people. Who had he even come with?!
“Well I had to come to keep an eye on you! And clearly I had good reason to – fucking Lockhart?! Really? Of all bloody alphas you went with that arsehole?!”
“Why do you care so much?! I can go with whoever the hell I want!”
“I care because Lockhart’s a foul git who doesn’t deserve you!”
“In your eyes, nobody ‘deserves’ me! What’s your fucking problem Sirius?! Do you hate me so much that you won’t let me be happy with anyone else?”
“I DON’T HATE YOU!” Sirius bellowed out in utter frustration.
“THEN WHAT IS IT?!” Remus shrieked. “You clearly don’t care about me! Otherwise, you would’ve said yes when I asked you to go with me! But you didn’t! You’re just a shitty alpha who drools over any pretty omega who makes eyes at you. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to come to the party, it was that you didn’t want to come with me.”
And with that, Remus ran away, eyes full of tears and scent completely distraught.
Sirius pulled at his hair in frustration. “But you are pretty!” he whispered out brokenly before storming after the omega.
James felt like he had intruded on a very private matter. He grimaced as he watched Sirius turn the corner before disappearing completely. The night, however, seemed to be full of surprises and just wouldn’t give James a moment of peace, as Lily appeared shortly after.
“What’s that smell?!” she asked, wincing. The air was still saturated with distressed pheromones. James could only let out a shaky breath.
“Did you have fun with your friends?” he asked instead.
Lily pursed her lips. “Yes but…” She wrung her hands and looked down. “I-It’s just– I can’t stop thinking about David,” her voice came out brokenly and she then was racked with sobs.
James felt bad for her – he could understand her, after all he couldn’t stop thinking about Regulus. He tried to let out soothing pheromones.
“Why would he break up with me? Am I not pretty enough? Did I annoy him or something? Why?!” she continued to cry.
It was part of every alpha’s instincts to soothe a distressed omega. Wanting to help her, James wrapped a comforting arm around Lily’s shaking form. “Lily, it’s not that. You’re very pretty and so is your personality. That alpha was just stupid if he couldn’t see that.”
Lily kept crying for a long while and James just let her. She clearly needed to let it all out. Hopefully she’d feel better afterwards.
Eventually, only quiet little sniffles came out of her every now and then. James was about to let go when she suddenly clutched onto his arms. “Lily?”
She stared up at the alpha and James was surprised to see so many emotions swimming in her eyes.
“Lily–”
A warm set of lips suddenly crashed into his. James let out a shocked noise, his entire body freezing up.
No! This isn’t our omega! his inner alpha howled. He immediately pushed her away. His eyes were wide with shock but then he noticed something from afar. His eyes snapped towards the figure and his heart dropped, his face paling.
Regulus stood a few feet away, his face ghostly pale and full of utter hurt. His lips trembled, his eyes glossed over, and he immediately bolted away.
“No–”
“P-Potter– I’m sorry,” Lily said in a rush, face bright red and looking down at her hands. “I shouldn’t have done that–”
“Whatever,” he blurted out, already stepping away. His eyes were glued to where Regulus had run off to. He needed to reach him. Without another word, he rushed after the omega, his heart at his throat.
Regulus had left behind his scent in the air – and it broke James’ heart. The scent was full of so much anguish that it choked James. It was also very potent, so James had no trouble finding the omega.
“REGULUS!” he called out desperately when he spotted him down the hall.
The omega kept running but James was able to reach him. He grabbed Regulus’ arm. “Reg–”
“Let me go!” he whispered out. His voice was so small and shaky, dripping in sorrow.
“Regulus please– It’s not like that!”
“I know what I saw!” Regulus cried out, a sob ripping out of his throat. Tears streamed down his face and his body trembled with the sobs. James felt his heart rip apart.
“No, you don’t understand–”
“I understand James!” he yelled. “I understand that you love her and she loves you back! I understand that this whole time, I was being stupid! I was just deluding myself and it’s no one’s fault but mine! So please– don’t make me feel worse about myself, and just let me go!”
He forcefully ripped his arm away from James’ grasp, already turning to rush away again.
“I don’t love her! I love you!”
The air went frigid. Regulus became dangerously still.
James stared at him desperately. “I’ve been too much of a coward to say it but I love you Regulus! Only you.”
Regulus turned to face him and the look on his face made James freeze. It was a cold, furious look.
“Don’t humiliate me!” he spat out. “Don’t mock me, and don’t fucking pity me! This is all a fucking joke to you, isn’t it?! All those weeks ago, you were asking me what I meant when I said that you had no problems leaving? You were right – I was talking about you leaving during my heat. Do you have any idea how scared I was? Do you have any idea how much my inner omega longed for you the whole time? Do you have any idea how long I’ve loved you for?!”
James’ eyes were impossibly wide and it was like his heart stopped beating for a moment.
“I’ve loved you for years James. Years! But you’ve never known that, have you? Because you were always busy, being in love with Lily Evans. Because to you, I was only ever Sirius’ younger, lesser brother. A cowardly Slytherin who didn’t run away. A worthless omega who could never compete with the perfect omega Lily Evans. So that day, when you found me in my heat, and as ridiculous and pathetic as it sounds, I thought I finally had my chance. Even if it were just because of my heat, I was desperate enough to have you then. But not even in heat you wanted me! You left me! You’ve never wanted me, and you’ll never want me! This ‘friendship’ that we’ve somehow formed was always going to end. You were going to leave, get together with Evans, and forget all about me! I was merely stalling for time, which was foolish of me to do. So don’t pity me! – I already know just how pitiful I am.”
And then Regulus left. And James did nothing to stop him.