Eight
13th October 1976
How's one to know?
I'd meet you where the spirit meets the bones
In a faith forgotten land
Pandora
Dearest Pandora,
I am so glad school is going well for you so far this year. How is your brother? He has hardly written and your father and I worry about him, it was a long summer and I know things have not exactly been easy for him. Your letters bring me so much joy, I never thought that something as small as a piece of paper would make such a difference in my mood, but here yours are making my week infinitely better.
Your cousins are doing well, it sounds like Narcissa is trying to get pregnant, if all goes well we will be welcoming a new member of the family before the end of the next year. Your aunt Druella has been doing well too, though Cygnus has been giving her some trouble it seems. Your father and I are well, we just miss you and your brother so terribly. The house was too quiet all summer with you both out and about, we know your brother is doing his best for wizardkind, but he was hardly home all summer.
I am sending your Halloween costumes next week, it took longer than expected to get down into the family vault for everything. Hopefully your friend doesn’t mind waiting to try hers on, though they are spelled to fit the wearer so as long as she likes it she can wear it. Your generous heart has never ceased to amaze me, some days I am not even sure that you are mine. Knowing that your friend has parents like Evan’s Barty does just makes me so sad, some people are just not fit to be parents. Give my love to them both.
Love,
Mum
“Anything good?” Evan asked around a mouthful of breakfast potatoes when he saw that Pandora had finished reading.
“She sends her love to you and Barty, our costumes will be here next week. Oh, Regulus, Narcissa is trying for a baby,” she listed off before turning back to her own food and taking a bite.
“Good for her, poor baby though,” Regulus visibly shivered at the thought, she knew how Regulus felt about Lucius and wasn’t the least bit surprised at his response.
“Maybe the Dark Lord will have Lucius killed and spare the poor thing,” Barty offered, though Pandora didn’t think it was very helpful.
“Say that any louder and he’ll have you killed, Barty,” Regulus sounded bored but Pandora knew he wouldn’t have said anything if he weren’t genuinely concerned for their friend.
“I think my father might beat him to it,” the mood shifted dramatically after that, but you would never be able to tell if you didn’t know the group of Slytherins well. Evan shifted ever so slightly closer to Barty on the bench, their sides now touching. Regulus pressed his lips into a thin line and stared into his teacup, his eyes clouded with thoughts.
“And then we’d get to kill him, might even get praised by mister tall, dark and brooding.” Dorcas said with a mischievous lilt to her voice.
“You did not just call the Dark Lord ‘mister tall, dark and brooding’,” Barty barked out a laugh.
“He’d have you killed for that one,” Evan was trying to hold back his own laughter.
“He’d probably have me killed anyways, I’d never go along with his weird little cult,” Dorcas shuddered visibly at the thought.
“Unfortunately, I don’t have much of a choice.” Regulus’s tone was bitter, but none of them took it personally. They all knew the truth, knew that Regulus would never join the Death Eaters if it weren’t for his parents being among their biggest supporters and hosting meetings in their home. Pandora knew it was only a matter of time before her best friend and her twin were taken from her by the extremist group, just like she knew Barty would follow Evan to protect him and Dorcas would very possibly end up on the opposite side. Pandora would be all that was left of their little group in the end, a fact that tore her apart inside.
“Let’s not talk about that now, we’ve still got plenty of time before we have to worry about any of that.” Pandora said as she went to stand. “Come on, we have to get to class, Kettleburn will have us if we’re late.”
“Always keeping us where we need to be, what would we do without you Panda dear?” Barty smiled up at her, standing himself before placing a delicate kiss to her cheek.
“You’d all have a lot more detentions that’s for sure,” she smiled in response as everyone went to stand. “I’m going to go talk with Lily really quickly before I lose her.” She walked quickly across the Great Hall and to the Gryffindor table, needing to ensure she updated Lily before she forgot.
“Hey Panda,” Lily beamed as she approached sending her stomach into the familiar flips it did whenever Lily was around.
“Hey Lil, got a minute?” She asked as she shifted anxiously from one foot to the other, talking to Lily was easy, but for some reason it was always harder when she could feel every one of Lily’s friends' eyes on her.
“For you? Always,” she answered and stood from the table. “I’ll meet you guys in transfiguration,” she said to her friends before linking her pinky with Pandora’s and walking from the hall with her.
“Your costume will be here next week, my flower,” Pandora told her with a smile and a light kiss to the tip of her nose once they were safely in an alcove away from prying eyes.
“Really? I’m so excited, our first Halloween together,” Lily was practically vibrating with excitement, Pandora found it endearing.
“I know how much you love Halloween, and I promise you’ll be the most beautiful witch there,” she grabbed both of Lily’s hands in her own.
“Not if you’re there darling, you outshine us all,” Lily replied as she delicately bumped their noses together.
“You’re the prettiest flower there ever was my beautiful Lily, you grow and thrive in so many different environments, your delicate nature doesn’t stop you from being tough. Everyone that’s ever known you is made better because of your beauty,” she placed delicate kisses along the freckles that dotted across her cheeks and the bridge of her nose as if to prove her point.
“‘If our love is a sin, then heaven must be full of such tender and selfless sinning as ours.’ I’m better for knowing you Pandora Rosier, you’ve brought hope back to me.” Lily’s cheeks turned the most beautiful shade of pink as she spoke the quote from her favourite book, Pandora kissed the brightest spots with reverence, loving the way Lily reacted to her.
“We need to get to class my darling, but I’ll see you soon,” Pandora grabbed Lily’s face between her hands and kissed her three times, once on her forehead, once on the tip of her nose and once, very quickly, on her lips. The two stepped out of their alcove and shared one last longing glance with one another before heading off in opposite directions to their respective classes.
Her classes passed by in a blur, she paid enough attention to absentmindedly take notes and write down any incredibly important information though she knew she’d probably remember it all anyways. None of it was interesting enough to hold her attention though, that was the real root of her problems. Pandora had always been somewhat of a sponge when it came to knowledge, inexplicably she could recall information she’d only ever read one time and therefore had a vast knowledge of many different subjects. She knew why they needed to add asphodel after the wormwood infusion was complete, what to do to repair a bowtruckle’s damaged limb, and how to read someone’s future from a set of tea leaves.
There were a million and one little things that Pandora knew, and she prided herself on knowing as much as she possibly could, but there were things that still evaded her grasp no matter how many times she’d tried to read every book she could find on the subject. Lily was her flower, she knew how she would respond if Pandora kissed her just so or held her beautiful face in between her hands as she counted every freckle that dotted her lovely cheeks. But there was something, and Pandora couldn’t say what exactly, that had been bothering her lately. Had Emmaline’s tea leaf reading in divination upset her? Was she regretting their relationship because of Pandora’s brother and friends?
They didn’t believe in what Voldemort stood for, but no one would exactly believe her if she tried telling them that, least of all Lily. No, everyone would think Pandora was more mad than they already did if she tried convincing anyone of that. It ate at her, the knowledge that she and Dorcas might be the only people that knew the real Regulus, Barty and Evan, the only ones who would be there to keep the memory of the real them alive if they didn’t make it out of this pointless war brewing on the horizon.
She remained so lost in her own thoughts throughout the day that by the time lunch rolled around she felt as though she’d barely even been to any of her classes. Throughout lunch she barely talked with anyone at the table though they all assumed she was lost in her thoughts about the spell she’d been working on so none of them questioned it too much. ‘There goes Pandora Rosier,’ she thought almost bitterly, ‘oh no, her head’s always in the clouds, don’t mind her.’ She knew that while none of those closest to her had ever said it, plenty of others had.
The second half of her day passed in relatively the same manner, nothing of consequence happened, which Pandora preferred. Nothing caught her attention and there wasn’t a class that managed to pique her interest, her gift for knowledge was a curse today and she’d much rather need to focus on the work than being stuck inside her own thoughts.
“Galleon for your thoughts Panda, dear?” Dorcas asked as they packed up their bags after their last class of the day.
“Do you ever worry about Marlene, Lily and Mary?” She started, not entirely sure how to get around to the questions that were really plaguing her thoughts.
“All the time,” Dorcas answered immediately.
“Really?” Pandora hadn’t entirely expected that response if she were honest.
“Of course I do, they’re Gryffindors for one thing, that house wouldn’t know staying out of other people’s business if it were a class you had to take for graduation.” Pandora smiled at her joke, she always did appreciate Dorcas’s humour.
“Yeah, that’s true,” she’d experienced their Gryffindor tendencies on more than one occasion and was used to it by now. “I just mean, with everything that’s been going on, do you worry about them?”
“Oh, that. Well, Marlene is a pureblood so she’s safe. Mary and Lily are some of the strongest witches I’ve ever met, I know they can take care of themselves.”
“Dorcas, if a war happens not even Marlene will be safe, you know she’ll be one of the first ones to sign up to fight Voldemort.” She’d never been one to shy away from using someone’s name just because they put on a good show of acting terrifying, if she wasn’t afraid of him why should she fear his made up name?
“I know,” she sighed heavily, “honestly, if it comes down to it, I might just sign up right with her.”
“What if you have to fight Barty? Or Evan? Or Regulus?” She pressed, not willing to let this go. She knew if it came down to it, she herself would lay down her wand and let them kill her if it might save them.
“If I had no other choice, if it was Marlene or them,” Dorcas paused, Pandora could hear the tears in her voice. “If they’re coming after Marlene and the only way to stop them is to fight them, then I will.”
“Doesn’t that scare you at all? The idea?”
“Of course it does, it absolutely terrifies me. But so does living in a world where Marlene dies and I didn’t do everything in my power to stop it.”
“I’m scared that no matter what it won’t be enough and I’ll end up losing all of you, sometimes it feels so horribly inevitable that I’m going to end up being the last one left and I think I’d rather die than have that happen.” Pandora had never voiced that particular thought.
“Oh, Panda, it won’t come to that. Lily is far too big a personality to not end up being an old lady who hands out those little hard candies like the ones we saw in France. Mary is such a badass I’m almost certain mister dark and brooding would lay down his wand and run the other way if she came at him. Marlene has me even if she couldn’t take care of herself, which we both know she can. And the boys are all too damn stubborn to die, I’m certain Salazar himself would have trouble killing those three idiots.”
“Maybe,” she replied, too eager to finish the conversation to voice her real thoughts. They made their way down for dinner, everyone was already in the Great Hall by the time they made it to their seats and the overlapping voices created a cacophony of noise that had taken Pandora the better part of her first year to get used to.
The Rosier house had been only marginally louder than the Black house, her parents only slightly less strict than Regulus’s. They didn’t mind if her and Evan were loud on occasion so long as they remembered their manners when company was there, they allowed the two free roam of the grounds barring a few restricted areas, and laughter was not an uncommon sound to bounce off the walls and echo throughout the manor, but nothing quite compared to the decibel that Hogwarts castle reached in the Great Hall during mealtimes. She thought that maybe the teachers had tried to control it once upon a time, but she knew that was something they would’ve given up on rather quickly when it proved entirely useless. Pandora honestly suspected the teachers used a mufflatio charm around the head table so they could eat and talk amongst themselves in relative quiet.
“Reg, come with me for a moment,” she said towards the end of dinner in such a quiet voice she was sure he’d been the only one to hear. He simply nodded before standing and waiting for her to walk with him from the Great Hall. Once they were outside, he turned towards her and pulled her to a stop.
“Everything okay, Panda?” The concern etched into his features made her heart clench, of course Regulus would’ve noticed there had been something off with her.
“Yeah, just a lot on my mind. I just wanted to see if you’d help me with something,” she knew she didn’t even need to ask, Regulus would do anything for her.
“Anything Panda, you know that,” he gently knocked his shoe against hers and gave her a soft smile, one he reserved only for those he loved and trusted most.
“I’ll need your help breaking a few curses on the pieces mum is sending for Halloween,” she said slowly, feeling the words she wasn’t saying constrict her throat.
“They’re from the family vault?” Regulus asked carefully, she nodded. “Ah, of course I can. I assume it’s a pretty standard blood detection charm linked to a curse to harm the wearer if they’re anything other than pureblood.”
“Yes, thank you,” the idea alone of Lily putting on anything from her family vault without her and Regulus checking over every inch of it made her skin crawl. She pulled Regulus into a hug, something that was neither common nor uncommon for them. They didn’t do it often, but Pandora was one of the only people on the planet who Regulus allowed to hug him, and he was one of the only people on the planet that had the power to comfort her with one.
“It’s going to be okay,” she didn’t have to tell him why she was upset, and he didn’t need to say how he knew. They were two sides of the same coin, her and Regulus, so incredibly similar and both needing one another just to exist. He was a piece of her soul living outside of her body and sometimes she knew him better than she knew herself.
“You’re going to be okay too, you know. You’ll figure it all out soon enough,” she didn’t have to tell him what she’d meant either, he just knew.
“You always know just what to say and when to say it,” he replied with a half-hearted laugh. She hadn’t told Regulus this, but she’d snuck out to the quidditch pitch since she told him about seeing him there with Potter, just to observe their interactions. She’d sat underneath the stands and watched the two fly around, playing their game of one-on-one. She’d seen the way Regulus had smiled, heard his laugh echo throughout the grounds when the morning was all but silent, and she knew her best friend well enough to know that he was developing feelings for James, whether he was aware of it yet or not.
“Haven’t you heard, I’m a seer,” she teased with a laugh of her own. They’d all heard the rumours about her, the whispers in the halls that Pandora Rosier was secretly a seer and had glimpsed into their futures. Oh, how she wished it were true. She’d do anything, give anything, to see into their futures and find out if the coming war would go in their favour. Would her friends and brother make it out alive? Would the girl she loved more than herself?
No, Pandora Rosier was no seer, as much as she wished to be. She could only guess what the future would hold, only hope to be wrong when she lay awake at night only seeing the worst possible outcomes play before her eyes. Regulus, lost like a sailor lost at sea, Dorcas killed for standing up for what’s right, Evan killed in a battle he had no business being a part of and fighting for a side he didn’t believe in, and Barty either joining him shortly after or ending up in Azkaban for what he would do in response. Lily, oh how she hoped to be wrong in thinking that her darling flower wouldn’t make it through the war, how she wished she could be wrong about her own parents marrying her off to some pureblood man the second she graduated Hogwarts.
Above all else, Pandora Rosier believed in love and therefore she also believed in hope. Hope for a better future than the one written for them, hope they could write their own path, hope that those she loved would make it out alive. If there was one thing Pandora Rosier had an abundance of, it was hope, and no matter how it would be tested, she would always find a way to make more.