Three
15th September 1976
And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad
I have a lot of regrets about that
Regulus
James Potter made no sense, of that Regulus was entirely certain. Ever since his first year Regulus would climb to the top of the astronomy tower early in the morning to talk to Sirius, of course in reality Regulus was talking to the star and not his actual brother, but it had made him feel better about the distance between them.
This year was no different, Regulus missed his big brother so he went to the astronomy tower long before the sun had risen to talk to him about whatever was on his mind that morning. Just like every morning since Regulus’s first year, James Potter would eventually make his way to the quidditch pitch to practise. Regulus was never sure if it was the knowledge that Potter was there or if he could actually see little glimpses of the other boy every now and then. Every day Regulus had ignored the idea of James Potter as if thinking about him might infect him with something life threatening.
So Regulus wasn’t sure what it was about Potter that made him make his way down to the quidditch pitch a week prior. Regulus definitely wasn’t sure why James Potter had helped him with a manoeuvre he’d been working on that entire week. All week he secretly watched Potter as they practised at opposite ends of the field, trying to figure out what it was about him that had taken his brother from him.
He tried to figure it out, but as much as he watched him from across the pitch, he just couldn’t. The first few days he’d made it a point to show Potter that he wasn’t going to be pulled into his orbit like Sirius had, Potter couldn’t get everything he wanted. It didn’t seem like it was working, but he also wasn’t going out of his way to talk to Regulus either. Then, he had the audacity to actually help him. He’d tried so hard to fight it but after that, somehow it felt wrong to meet the other boy’s sunny smile with a scowl no matter how hard he tried.
“I don’t understand it Sirius, I really don’t,” Regulus was once again at the top of the astronomy tower, it was nearing five and he would have to head down soon to meet Potter. No. Not meeting Potter. Practising quidditch where Potter also happened to be practising quidditch.
“Why is he like that? Is it an illness? I’ve never been nice to him and here he goes doing something like that, is it a trick?” Regulus stayed for a while longer ranting to his brother about the confusing mess that was James Potter. When he felt like he couldn’t rant anymore, or really when he realised that Potter would be down on the pitch by now, he wrapped up his conversation and headed down to practice. When Regulus got down there Potter smiled and waved and Regulus responded with one of his own as if it were a reflex.
Once again today he watched the other boy across the field, trying to understand him. He was an excellent flyer, if he’d tried out for seeker he might’ve actually gotten the position and then Regulus would be in trouble. He spent so much of his morning watching Potter that he spent minutes at a time just hovering in the air watching him. When their morning session was over, the two passed one another on their way to the showers and this time exchanged minor words of encouragement, the kind you give when being polite to an acquaintance. ‘Is that what we are now?’ Regulus thought to himself as he showered, ‘acquaintances with James Potter,’ the idea had been laughable at the start of term but now Regulus wasn’t so sure.
Breakfast in the Great Hall was nothing out of the ordinary. Barty and Evan were animatedly discussing the book that Barty had read on the train, apparently it was on one of Evan’s newest interests and Barty thought Evan might like it. Pandora was scribbling in the margins of her book again, she’d likely ask Regulus to look over it again soon so they could talk it over together. Dorcas huffed and rolled her eyes dramatically when Regulus sat down.
“Feel like I was sorted into bloody Ravenclaw, might as well head up the Slytherin book club.” She teased loudly as she passed Regulus the serving tongs for the food.
“You read all the time, Cas,” without looking up from her book Pandora waved her hand and magically slid the cream down the table to Regulus as she spoke.
“Panda, did you sleep a wink last night? I swear I heard a quill scratching late into the night.”
“I woke up in the middle of the night with an idea, what were you doing awake then? Matter of fact, I do believe that I heard you returning to the dorm at that time and that’s what woke me up. Care to explain?” This time Pandora looked up from her book to shoot a sly smirk towards Dorcas.
“If you must know, I was working on my astronomy homework.”
“What time was this Panda?” Regulus asked, feigning a disinterested tone as he absentmindedly buttered his toast.
“Oh, close to four-thirty I’d say, it was pretty early.”
“Couldn’t have been in the astronomy tower, that’s where I was at four this morning,” Regulus smirked at Dorcas as Pandora perked up.
“So, where were you?” Pandora was leaning in as closely as she could with all of the plates still on the table, Regulus was certain she would’ve climbed the table entirely if it wasn’t covered.
“I was meeting someone, okay?” For the first time that Regulus could ever recall, Dorcas actually blushed.
“You’re telling me everything later,” Pandora pointed a stern finger at Dorcas before dropping the subject entirely and turning to Regulus. “Have you actually talked to him yet?”
“There’s nothing to say to him, Panda,” was the only response Regulus could manage right then. Pandora knew Regulus was lying, but she dropped the subject knowing that Regulus would tell her what he could when he felt he was ready. As breakfast was coming to a close Regulus found his eyes drifting over to the Gryffindor table where his brother, Potter, Lupin, and Pettigrew were laughing loudly over something one of them had said and he found himself not feeling jealous of Potter for getting Sirius’s attention for the first time in his Hogwarts career.
Regulus found himself sitting in the common room that Saturday, going over his ancient runes assignment as Barty and Evan sat across from him talking animatedly and working on an assignment of their own. Pandora and Dorcas were off somewhere with Lily and Marlene no doubt, if he really tried Regulus could’ve probably found them but he was content where he was at. The fire crackled in the fireplace and students walked through the large common room talking in hushed tones, creating the ambiance Regulus had missed more than he’d ever admit to.
“Reg, will you look over this for me?” Evan asked after they’d been working in relative silence for a while.
“What is it?” He asked without looking up from his own assignment, he’d finally gotten into the groove of his assignment and was absolutely not about to be distracted and use it.
“Panda’s herbology assignment,” Barty answered. “We think we’ve got it all but we really can’t be sure. Herbology isn’t one of my strong suits.”
“Put it there,” he sighed and pointed to the table between them. “I’ll look over it after I’ve finished my runes assignment.”
“Thanks Reggie, you’re the best,” Evan got up and sat the parchment on the table before placing a wet kiss to Regulus’s cheek which was answered with a harsh scowl.
“What was that for?”
“I just don’t show my endless appreciation for you as much as I should,” he replied with a fake swoon.
“What else do you want?” He sighed heavily, knowing that Evan, as loving of a person as he was, wouldn’t behave like this unless there was something he wanted.
“The girls want to throw a back to school party tonight,” Barty answered, “Ev doesn’t want you to be upset.”
“Why would I be upset?” Regulus actually quite liked parties, there had been at least one party at the end of last term that he hardly remembered due to the sheer amount of firewhiskey he’d consumed.
“Pretty sure they’ve invited more than just the Slytherin house,” Evan answered, looking at his shoes and shifting anxiously.
“Well, it’s not like my darling brother will make an appearance, he’d rather shave his head bald than set foot in the Slytherin common room.” He could almost laugh at the idea, almost.
“Well, no. But Evans and Macdonald might come, they’re close with Dorcas and Pandora,” Barty said in such a way that it let Regulus know even he was aware that that was an unlikely outcome.
“I doubt they’ll want to come anywhere near here, especially after everything that happened last term. We’ll be fine.” For once, Regulus believed himself when he said that.
The party was in full swing by the time Regulus joined them, his white poet’s shirt billowed and the pants he was fairly certain he’d stolen from Sirius a long time ago hung low on his hips. He meandered through the crowd of students from different houses, listening to all the different conversations as he passed. One group of Ravenclaws, Slytherins and Hufflepuffs were debating different uses for different potions and if the ingredients could be modified to make certain potions more potent. A different group of Gryffindors, Ravenclaws and Slytherins were discussing muggle literature and its applications in the magical world. And a third group of Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws were talking about different merits within astrology and whether it was a valid field of study. Regulus found that he could’ve joined in on any of the conversations and kept up well, something he appreciated.
He grabbed a glass of firewhiskey off of one of the floating trays and continued on through the common room until he found Barty and Evan seated in their usual seats and took his own across from them, despite the large crowd stuffed into the relatively small space their usual area had been left for them. Students milled around the area, some listening to the story Barty was animatedly telling (an exaggerated version of what happened the first summer he, Regulus and Evan had been allowed to travel into London on their own) while others talked in pairs nearby.
“Regulus! Finally, someone interesting to talk to,” Barty was slurring his words, not that Regulus was surprised in the slightest. The drinks served at Slytherin parties, especially ones Pandora had a hand in, were some of the strongest and most expensive ones money could buy.
“How many have you had?” He asked, eyeing the half drunk glass he was swinging around as he spoke.
“Mmm this is number three I do believe,” he answered, eyeing the glass as though it would give him some kind of hint as to whether he was right or not.
“Slow down then yeah? I don’t really feel like being up all night while you spew all over the bathroom,” Regulus tossed back the amber liquid in his own glass, let it fall from his fingers where it disappeared right before hitting the floor, and grabbed a second drink off a nearby floating tray.
“Evan,” Barty whined, “Reggie doesn’t want me to drink but he’s already on his second.”
“I know Barty, I know. Unfortunately he’s right, you’re awful when you’re sloshed, last time you managed to get your sick absolutely everywhere.”
“Well I need something to occupy me if I’m to slow down,” Barty huffed in frustration, though it only seemed to upset him for mere moments before he perked up and Regulus could practically see the idea formed in his mind. “I know! Let’s play truth or drink.”
“How is that meant to keep you from drinking?” Regulus scoffed incredulously.
“Because, I can only drink when it's my turn and if I don’t want to tell the truth, and I always tell the truth. Really, I might not drink for the rest of the night.” Regulus was about to attempt to argue but he didn’t get the chance as every student nearby that had heard began crowding around and settling in. Pandora and Dorcas luckily managed to push through the crowd and take their usual seats. The sudden influx of people and attention made Regulus’s throat start to constrict ever so slightly, enough that he reached out and grabbed hold of Pandora’s hand to ground himself.
“Since it was my idea, I’ll start things off,” Barty exclaimed before furrowing his brow deep in thought. “Hmm, oh, Panda dearest. What is this lovely little spell you’ve been working on lately? I’ve just been dying to know but you’ll only share any of it with Reg.”
“I’ll tell you when it’s finished,” Pandora answered with a sly smile before taking a measured sip from her glass of elderflower wine. “Guess it’s my turn then. Emmeline, did you really read marriage coming soon in Lily’s tea leaves in divination class?”
“Yes! I’m telling you, Lily will get married pretty soon after Hogwarts. Maybe she’ll finally come to her senses and say yes to James.” Emmeline shrugged and flipped her long hair over her shoulder. Regulus felt Pandora tense almost imperceptibly, he was certain no one else had noticed and he offered her a light, reassuring squeeze. “My turn then. Lockhart, did you really cast a corporeal patronus last term?”
“Of course I did Emmeline,” Lockhart lifted his chin ever so slightly in a way Regulus did when he wanted to show someone he felt he was above them. “Crouch, is it true your dad plans to bid for minister next voting term?”
“I’m certain he does Lockhart but he hardly divulges his plans to me,” he answered with a heavy sigh. “McKinnon, whose parties are more fun? Ours or Gryffindor’s?”
“Gryffindor I’m sorry to say. Our party games are much more fun,” she had a sly look on her face that told Regulus that she was, in fact, not sorry to be saying so.
“Well, what do you play there instead?” Barty looked only slightly offended, it was likely he had expected more juicy questions to come out of the game and definitely not questions about his father’s political career.
“It’s a version of spin the bottle that we came up with. You spin and whoever it lands on you can either kiss like you traditionally would or you can do a truth or dare. If the person the bottle lands on refuses all of the options they have to drink, if they do it the person who spun has to drink.”
“Sounds like Gryffindors like to get drunk. Think they’d let me join next time?” Barty asked as Evan set an empty bottle of Ogden’s in the centre of the table.
“You wouldn’t want to join us anyways Junior, too many people with ‘dirty blood’ for you,” she didn’t try to hide the bitterness in her tone and though Regulus couldn’t blame her, he was shocked by her bravery. Then again, what else should he expect from a Gryffindor?
“You have fire McKinnon, I like that.” Barty winked flirtatiously which was answered with an overly dramatic eye roll. “Since we ended on your turn, you can start us off.” She nodded with a sly grin and leaned forward to spin the bottle. As they watched it spin, Regulus downed the liquid in his glass, dropped it, and grabbed himself a new one; he was entirely too sober to play a game of this calibre. As the liquid warmed his stomach, the bottle came to a stop pointed directly at him.
“Well, I’m not going to kiss you, that's for sure. So, truth or dare?”
“Dare,” Regulus normally hated dares, he found most of them to be absurd and embarrassing, but he was even more afraid of what kind of question Marlene McKinnon would ask.
“I dare you to kiss Barty,” she had a sly look on her face like she thought she’d done something with that. All Regulus did in response was shrug, stand, and casually saunter across the room and lean over Barty where he sat in his chair. It had been a long accepted and enforced rule of Slytherin house parties that no one was allowed to let the events of the night get out to any of their parents, it was the only house rule that was unanimously agreed upon, and so Regulus felt safe to do whatever he wanted.
“Alright?” He asked, looking into Barty’s eyes. They’d kissed before but never in front of so many people and he didn’t want to upset one of his oldest friends. Barty gulped hard and nodded, giving Regulus all the permission he needed to complete his dare. He reached one hand delicately to cradle Barty’s cheek, his long slim fingers were able to hook around the back of Barty’s neck as he leaned closer and their lips touched.
He couldn’t be sure if it was the alcohol, the eyes on them, or just the simple fact that he hadn’t been kissed in ages, but before he knew it Regulus was on Barty’s lap and the other boy’s tongue was exploring the inside of his mouth. A whine ripped itself out of the back of Regulus’s throat, a noise he hadn’t heard himself make in what felt like a lifetime but could’ve only been a year and he twisted the fingers of one hand into Barty’s hair and pulled, it was the other boy’s turn to release a desperate whine of his own. All at once, a cough from his right pulled Regulus back to the present and he jerked away.
Barty’s face was flushed and his eyes were glazed over, a look of delirium plastered on his face that Regulus had been fortunate enough to see a handful of times. He really was lovely, especially like this, and a part of Regulus wished he loved him as more than a friend, they’d really worked well together during their frenzied makeout sessions the year prior. But he knew he didn’t, couldn’t, love Barty in that way and Barty was the same when it came to Regulus. They loved one another like a piece of their own soul, but never in a way that they could make last as anything other than the closest of friends.
“Well, I’ll gladly drink for that one. Who knew you had it in you Black,” McKinnon finally said after a moment, the tone of her voice conveying the truth to her words. Everyone else looked like they were too stunned to form a coherent thought, which Regulus was grateful for.
“Guess it’s my turn then,” Regulus said nonchalantly after he climbed off Barty’s lap. He reached out for the bottle in the centre of the table and gave it a hefty spin. The bottle eventually came to a stop on Evan.
“Come on then Reg, don’t leave me out of the fun,” the other boy had a cheeky grin on his face and a mischievous glint in his eyes. He hopped out of his seat, where he had been right next to Barty, and crossed the short distance to where Regulus was still standing. This time, Evan grabbed Regulus’s face in both of his hands and pulled him in for a kiss, much softer and slower than the one he’d just had with Barty. Evan cradled his face in his hands as if he were something precious and breakable, he tilted Regulus’s head just the way he wanted and delicately prodded his lips open with his tongue, which Regulus was more than happy to oblige in his intoxicated state. Evan was the first to pull away with a triumphant look on his face, he winked at Regulus before turning and spinning the bottle himself.
The party went on until one in the morning, by the time it finished Regulus had drunk at least three more firewhiskeys and he’d lost track of how many Barty had ended up drinking. The boys stumbled into their dorm after the common room had cleared of all non-Slytherins, Barty definitely the most drunk of the three of them. Evan conjured glasses of water and pepper-up potions for the three of them to take in the morning, always the responsible one even when they were entirely too drunk for their own good. As soon as Barty’s head hit his pillow he was snoring, always one to sleep easier when he was sloshed.
“Hey Reg?” Evan whispered when they’d both climbed into their own beds.
“Yeah Ev?”
“Do you think he meant it?” Regulus wasn’t sure how, but he knew immediately what Evan was asking.
“Probably as much as you did.”
“Oh, okay. Goodnight then, Regulus.”
“Goodnight Evan,” he returned. Before he allowed himself to sleep, for some inexplicable reason unknown to even himself, Regulus made sure to set an alarm so he would still be up in time to practise quidditch in the morning with Potter.