Der Mond
Alphard Black felt the last of his hair go gray. Sirius stood before him in his office, hair pulled back messily, the life half-gone from his skin from lack of sleep. It was ten in the morning, and Sirius hadn’t slept since the day before.
“It was just to Marseille and back. We made it okay.” Sirius insisted, blinking slowly.
“I recognize that it’s not far, but you still should have told me. You were in the city. Even if it’s not me, you have to tell somebody. I don’t pretend to know what you get up to, but I know that those scenes aren’t the safest places in the world.” Alphard argued back.
Sirius huffed. He hated this, hated being told he did something wrong, but he found himself here more often than he’d like to admit. He wanted to dig a hole for himself to hide in, but he didn’t think his legs would be able to get him to the garden right now.
“And, please, ask before you take the car. I would have said yes.”
“I know.” Sirius put a hand over his face.
Alphard hummed. He hated this, too, telling Sirius off. He didn’t imagine he’d ever get to be a father figure, and he didn’t think he was very good at it, now that he was. Nobody in his family ever seemed especially capable of good parenting.
Sirius was sorry. Alphard could tell, his exhausted eyes flicking to the floor and back to Alphard. He was sorry but too stubborn to say it. Alphard felt it, and maybe it wasn’t the right thing to do, but he didn’t push Sirius to say it out loud. He pulled him into a brief hug instead.
“Go to bed, Sirius. It’s okay. Next time, right?” Alphard smiled at him as they pulled away, dusting off nothing on Sirius’s shoulders, straightening him out like he would when Sirius was in primary school. Sirius gave him a half-hearted smile and left, leaving Alphard standing in his office alone.
After only a minute, Regulus poked his head in.
“Uncle.” He greeted Alphard.
“Regulus.” Alphard said back, finding his chair behind him and taking a seat.
“Do you mind..?” Regulus started, looking in the direction of where Sirius had gone for a moment.
“It’s alright, come in, please.”
Regulus walked into the office, leaning against the side of the desk Alphard was sitting at. Regulus was quiet in order to collect his words, and it hung in the air, what they all felt, what Regulus didn’t know how to voice.
“I know, son,” Alphard said. Regulus looked up at him like a deer in the headlights. “Sirius is… well, he’s Sirius. He always comes back.”
Regulus looked out the window to break eye contact with his uncle. He was a well of feelings. He felt a deepness that went right to the pit of him. There was so much he wanted to say and express, so much he was afraid of, but when he sent a bucket down it came up dry. He had nothing to give. He didn’t know how to do any of this.
“He doesn’t know what it does to us.” Regulus said, finally. It still wasn’t quite what he meant, but Alphard got it. He always seemed to get it.
“I don’t think he knows how to ask for love. I think worrying us might be his version of asking, in his own broken way. Maybe he just needs to hear it out loud for once.” Alphard said back softly.
Regulus wouldn’t let a tear fall. His eyes were locked onto a bird hopping around outside, but he had an empty look in his eyes, the way they always got when he thought too hard about his family.
“Maybe I don’t know how to do that.” Regulus said.
“I think we can learn.” Alphard took in his own words. He leaned forward until his elbows rested on the table, hands swiping down his face. He peered around to catch Regulus’s eyes.
Regulus’s eyes darted to Alphard's, and softened when he saw that a few tears had fallen down his face. Regulus went to him at once, hugging behind his uncle in his desk chair. His head rested over his arm atop Alphard’s shoulder. Alphard placed a hand on top of Regulus's in reciprocation.
“You’ve always been the soft one, out of the two of you. Much as you hide it. I see you, Regulus Black.” Alphard chuckled, patting Regulus’s hand. He pulled away and flicked his shoulder playfully.
“Your eyesight is going, then, old man.” He said. The tips of his ears had reddened.
Regulus stopped in the doorway and looked back at Alphard with a solemn look.
“It’s going to be okay.” Regulus said, and left his uncle’s office. Alphard felt parts of him that had been torn by his parents and siblings get mended, stitch by bloody stitch, each day he spent with his boys.
***
Sirius woke up just before dinner that day. He had a pounding headache. If it was due to the nap or the drinking was anybody’s guess. It more than likely was a healthy heaping of both. Marseille had been dreadful.
Well, apart from Mystery Man. The nickname ‘Mystery Man’ didn’t cut it as a nickname for the picture of wit, beauty, and sex he’d met at the party. He could see him clearer than he could see his room, now, through the sleep still in his eyes. No, Mystery Man was befitting a placeholder name much better. He had a voice like a dream and the most intoxicating way of moving his hips. He’d been the only good thing about that whole night. The whole trip. The whole month. He was the only reason Sirius didn’t regret Marseille.
Marlene instigated the whole excursion. He tried to ask James to go, hoping for somebody to talk him out of going in the first place, if he’s honest. He was nowhere to be found when Sirius looked. He heard later from Evan that James had been with Pandora, of all people. Naughty dog.
Sirius recalled his Mystery Man.
“Light?” A voice came from behind Sirius. Sirius found his lighter in his pocket, pulled it out and looked up. His heart went: Thump-thump. Thump-thump, then stopped altogether as his eyes met the stranger’s. He had to look up a bit.
Mystery Man had hair that was meant for hands to card through, thick and soft-looking, tousled with gentle care like it was Zepherus’s highest honor to brush a warm summer night’s breeze through his earthy brown hair.
He was also tall . Sirius wasn’t short, he was perfectly average. He’d never considered himself short at all living with two smaller-than average fellows; Regulus had always been a bit of a runt and still had a few centimeters on Uncle Alphard. Mystery Man made him feel short, though.
Sirius was dumbly holding the lighter as he stared for a bit too long. The man didn’t seem put-off. He just stared back. Eventually, Sirius remembered to breathe, in and out, and held up the lighter for him to take.
“Merci.” He said, a slight twinge of an English accent. He handed back Sirius’s lighter as he took a drag of his cigarette.
The color of his eyes were hard to make out in the shadow of night, but when he looked up to the sky they reflected the moonlight so beautifully, as if the moon was really the sun and his eyes were two moons made by God to reflect light and energy, to move oceans, to be gazed at and wished upon.
“You’re welcome,” He sucked in. “Your eyes look nice right now. Well, probably always, but I just met you, and I just noticed now. Wow.” Sirius wanted to bang his head against the stone wall beside him.
“Oh,” The stranger smiled. “Thank you. I was about to say that I like your tattoo.” He pointed at Sirius’s chest tattoo.
Sirius looked down, his shirt buttoned all the way open and showing the tattoo there. It had been a long night already.
“It’s the alchemical symbol for the gray wolf.” He blurted, and Mystery Man considered that fact.
“That’s my favorite animal.” He said.
“Mine’s a dog.” He replied.
The Mystery Man smiled, putting his cigarette to his mouth. They smoked in silence for a beat.
“I hate this place,” Mystery Man said suddenly. “You look like you do too.”
“Hah! Understatement. If I wanted to watch a bunch of wankers with no rhythm suck face to bad music, I'd have attended more school dances as a kid.”
He barked a small laugh at that, glancing over to Sirius then back to his cigarette, leaning back against the wall.
“Do you have friends you’re waiting on?” Sirius asked boldly, staring shamelessly at the way his jeans hugged him.
“Nope,” He popped his ‘p’. “You?”
“None that haven’t abandoned me first.”
They stared at each other for a moment. He was looking right back at Sirius, drinking up his appearance as his eyes flicked from his open shirt to his arms, bared from his shirt with ripped off sleeves, a tinge of a tan, toned with understated muscle, and tattoos that littered across each one. Sirius was proud of his tattoos. He was glad Mystery Man seemed to like them just as much.
“Let’s get out of here.” Sirius said, cringing how it came out more desperate than he’d meant it to.
“Hm. Well, I guess I wouldn’t stop you if I went this way,” He pointed in a direction that followed down into the street. “...to a different, much more thrilling club, and you happened to follow me.” The man said, pushing himself off the wall and snuffing out his cigarette.
He started down the street, then paused to look back at Sirius. Sirius stood there with a grin across his face for a second, and Mystery Man waited until Sirius caught up to continue.
The rest of that night had improved wildly from the first part. Marlene was in the wind. She ditched him for the friends that invited her in the first place, having gone to their apartment. Sirius didn’t like them much, and because of that, by some miracle he’d met the most gorgeous man he’d ever seen. Maybe God was real.
They’d come upon a nightclub unlike most in France, one that blasted disco music and turned the other cheek when two men kissed or danced closer than friends would. Sirius found himself in love with it all. There were gay clubs in Berlin, of course there were, but Sirius had never quite worked up the courage to go. He felt something click into place, standing there in that bar, the-most-gorgeous-man-he-had-ever-met’s hand in his.
He breathed the smell of cigarettes and cherries as his arms flung around Mystery Man’s neck and danced like the world would end tomorrow. He felt hands settle on his hips, and once Sirius was one-too-many drinks in, he got impatient and grabbed his stranger’s hands to put them down, farther, until one was holding the small of his back and the other rested boldly on his arse. His Mystery Man had no complaints.
When they got tired, they found a booth and talked. About everything, about nothing. Then Sirius would pull them to their feet and they’d dance all over again. By the end of the night, they were both properly hammered.
Sirius’s forehead rested on his shoulder as they danced more tenderly to a particularly heartfelt song.
‘Make me sing, make me sound
Andante, Andante
Tread lightly on my ground
Andante, Andante
Oh please don’t let me down.’
The music sang from a million miles away. They were somewhere else, now, alone together in a room brimming with people.
“Come back with me.” The man asked, slurring his words a bit as they swayed.
Sirius considered it for only a moment before taking his head off of his shoulder and looking in his eyes, grinning.
“No.”
“No?”
“No.” Sirius reiterated.
They looked at each other, Mystery Man with a puzzled expression. Sirius elaborated.
“Would it be mental for me to say no, only so you’ll agree to see me again?” Sirius said. His eyes were wobbly, but still couldn’t break from his new moon as he looked at the man.
“I would agree to see you again regardless.” Mystery Man pouted. He was pretty like that. He was pretty every way.
“Still,” Sirius stumbled and Mystery Man caught him. “It’s more special if we wait. I never wait. I’ve never cared to.”
The man was quiet for a moment, and just for a second, Sirius felt a blaze of rejection gathering in his chest, burning bright white.
“Okay.” He agreed, blowing out the fire. He brought Sirius over with him back to their booth.
It was late at this point. Sirius remembered vaguely how the club had emptied out only slightly, but noticeably. He had a storm coming, but he’d been too drunk to see it then.
You see: homosexuality was legal in France. It shouldn’t have been a problem.
The Police Nationale hadn’t gotten the memo, the Bastards.
They had run out the back with a handful of others including the drag performer that had been on stage seconds before. Sirius ran, pulled along by his Mystery Man, down the streets of Marseille for what felt like an hour. It was just a couple minutes, really. Running that far might have been overkill even, but Sirius had no idea. He’d never done this before.
When he had caught his breath he felt a whole lot more sober. So did everybody else, dispersing quickly and quietly, their heads down, until it was just the two of them in the alleyway. The only light was a streetlight around the corner funneling into the alley dimly.
“I’m sorry.” Mystery Man said.
“Don’t be. You saved my night.”
Mystery Man regarded him. A small smile broke out across his face.
“Even this part?”
“You got us out.” Sirius punched his arm playfully.
He grabbed Sirius’s arm and pulled him into his side. They were pressed together in a sort of half-hug where they melted into each other seamlessly. It was a chilly summer night, but Mystery Man was hot like a furnace warming him up.
Turns out, he was staying in Nice for the summer. This was fantastic news that Sirius hadn’t contained himself at, laughing and grinning like an idiot when he’d told him. He’d only been visiting a friend in Marseille. Nice was less than an hour by motorbike from the chateau.
They parted ways painfully, both utterly enamored. It took them multiple tries and the promise of seeing each other within the week. Sirius left him there, turning back like he couldn’t help it, watching him get smaller and smaller in the distance. All the way until he couldn’t see him.
It was only then that he even realized his grave error. He knew his birthday: March 10th. He knew that his favorite animal was a gray wolf. He was English with a French stepfather, so he came to live with them at their summer house in Nice every year. Don’t even talk about Morrissey around him, let alone play him; he couldn’t stand his voice. Sirius knew all this and so, so much more, yet by some gigantic oversight he’d forgotten to ask his name.
He’d actually pounded his head against the wall for that.
No, Sirius could make a better placeholder nickname than Mystery Man, for god's sake. It had to be one that fit him, the only thing that seemed to matter, his infatuation; his moon. His Moony.
Moony. That would do.
He shrugged off his shirt from the day before and grabbed the first one he saw on top of his dresser. He stepped over a pile of metal parts on the floor, hopping on jeans, then sped down the stairs out to meet everybody at the table.
Regulus was at the table, scribbling away musical notes Sirius was never able to understand, as much as his brother had tried teaching him. He loved music, but had no natural disposition for the actual making of it. Alphard watched Regulus work, trying to mentally conjure the melody in his head to hear what his nephew was writing.
Dinner was one of Kreacher’s specialties, a ratatouille niçoise that was as colorful as it was flavorful. Alphard insisted on only having it once a month, because it was more special this way. This way they never took the perfectly sliced and expertly seasoned meal for granted.
“Will James be joining us tomorrow?” Alphard asked them both, but looked to Regulus after nobody replied. Regulus looked up, and looked around like maybe he’d been speaking to someone else.
“Je ne sais pas.” Regulus shrugged. He didn’t know how he became James’s keeper since they’d barely been around each other. Just a handful of times, really.
“What a movie star!” Sirius laughed as he sat down.
He had, in fact, achieved some sort of celebrity status around the chateau. All of their friends were always asking when he’d be around. He'd disappear and reappear and random, like his presence was some sort of exclusive gold star. Regulus didn’t care for it a single bit.
Regulus rolled his eyes and gathered up his papers and pens to set aside as Kreacher brought in dishes and sides, followed by glasses of a light pink bubbly drink.
“Crémant!” Alphard happily took a glass. He’d been a fiend for sparkling wine ever since Regulus had known him.
Dinner was content and relatively peaceful, the only arguing being average levels of brotherly bickering. Alphard smiled at his boys as they fell into their version of normalcy. They always came back.