Chapter 1
Harry nudged Draco with his foot.
"what ya doing?"
"We are NOT doing that again right now, Potter. My arse hurts."
"Okay, okay, but really, what are you doing that's so much better than THAT."
"Not everything is about your dick, Potter. I'm scrolling through Instagram."
"I just love that your arse IS about this dick, Draco," and when Draco finally looked up at him, Harry wiggled his eyebrows in a way that he hoped conveyed both fun and sexy 'I want to fuck this guy again' energy.
Draco let out a breath. "Unfortunately, my arse is absolutely about your dick which is why I'm stuck in your company every time I want to get off."
"Works for me," Harry said, wrapping himself around Draco. He turned his screen towards himself a bit so they could scroll together.
Draco scowled but sank into Harry's arms and allowed it.
"I don't know why you follow that guy; what a red flag."
"I hate this stupid dance trend; I want to punch everyone that does it."
“Keanu Reeves is such a green flag, like as a human. You should be more like Keanu and just be less, you know, like you..”
Do you really think those overnight facemasks work that well? Should we buy one?"
“I knew you’d like that page that posted dad jokes; I’m so glad I followed it for you last time we did this.”
"wait, stop. Look at that one again."
Harry scrolled back a few posts on Draco's Instagram.
Draco read it out loud to Harry, and Harry was only half paying attention. What he noticed was how obvious it was that the wheels in Draco's head were turning, so whatever thoughts Draco was about to share would either be significant, profound, and life-changing or just plain ridiculous. Harry should use his dick to shut the man up once more.
"When people talk about traveling to the past, they worry about radically changing the present by doing something small, but barely anyone in the present thinks that they can radically change the future by doing something small."
He waited with bated breath to see which it would be.
"I've figured it out!"
"what? How to cure cancer?"
"Potter, you imbecile, wizards cured cancer in the wizarding world generations ago. pay attention"
Draco straightens up and turns towards Harry, so Harry is going to do his part to listen. Perhaps this will be one of those times Draco changes the way he sees the world.
"So you know how the Department of Mysteries has been messing around with trying to go back in time in alternate dimensions to stop the war?"
"I do know. I hate how we found out, but I do know."
"Well, the idea was a good one."
"of course, half a generation of wizards were wiped out during the first war with Voldemort and almost as many the second time around as well. The idea isn't bad, but it's impossible to execute. So anyways, back to changing the future with something small."
"No, no. What if it hasn't worked well because they're all thinking too big or too profound? What if, in order to fix things properly, we need to think small?"
"Like making some folks change outfits? Or eat something different the day before the war and get diarrhea?"
Harry's entire face lit up.
"You're a genius, Draco! We'll give a bunch of death eaters diarrhea!"
"Okay, now I know you're stupid. You know there's a spell to stop food poisoning, right? I literally had to use it on you yesterday when you tried to eat leftover sushi."
Draco shook his head. "I mean, it's something that seems small but isn't small. Leave the planning to me, Harry. Trust me, I got this."
--- 5 hours later, while they're dead asleep ---
"Merlin!" Draco shoots straight up in bed
Harry accios his wand and prepares himself for war
"I've figured it out! We just have to go back in time and have your godfather Sirius seduce a bunch of men into not starting a war. Including Voldie!"
"Draco, what the fuck?!"
"Trust me, they all wanted Sirius in one way or another. Marriage or in their bed at the least. This could work."
"you're telling me you think going back in time and telling my godfather to have sex with a bunch of death eaters will save the world?"
"Remember when I said you should trust me?! Trust me, Potter. This idea is foolproof."
"I knew I should've stuck my dick in you instead of scrolling through Instagram."