Marlene and Mary squealed over something on Marlene’s phone.
“Have you seen this? Actual drag queens are performing near Diagon Alley next Friday! We never get stuff like this in all the dingy muggle bars near here.”
“Shame it’s not the weekend, we could have apparated there from Hogsmeade.” Remus said disappointedly.
“Drag? Like blokes dressing up as chicks?” Sirius frowned, trying to see the appeal.
“Yeah. I thought you of all people would love to see a show like that. It’s all about glamor and fierceness, comedy and skill, activism and sticking it to the man!” Mary listed off.
“I’m sure we’ll all get around to seeing a show together one day. Lily’s always making me watch Rupaul’s Drag Race, it’s super cool actually.” James said.
Sirius blinked, but didn’t say anything. He just nodded and let the group keep talking about their favorite queens on the last season. He caught Remus giving him a funny look, but ignored him. He supposed watching a performance like that could be fun, but why not just go to the gigs they usually went to?
Later that night he laid next to Remus while the others snored.
“What was up with you earlier? You never pass up an opportunity to go to muggle clubs.” Remus asked him.
"I never said I didn't want to go. Could be fun." Sirius shrugged. Remus studied him like he knew there was definitely more to it. Sirius thought back to their earlier conversation.
“I don’t know. I guess it was the whole drag thing. Not that there’s anything wrong with people that do drag, it’s just… I don’t know. Just the flashy and rainbows of it all." Remus just furrowed his brows at him, so he went on, "Sometimes I feel like if I put myself in those kinds of spaces, that it will make me… I don’t know, gayer, somehow.”
“Padfoot, how could anything be gayer than having a cock in your arse?” Remus asked him critically.
Sirius punched his shoulder. “You know what I mean. I guess it’s just left over from how my mother always made me think. I’ve been trying not to think that way. But when I see people being so out and forward with it all, the stereotypical emasculating stuff, all of that internal bullshit comes to the surface again. I don’t want to think lesser of myself or anyone else because of it, they’re brave as hell to express themselves, and a lot of them look really fucking cool, but…” he trailed off.
Remus watched him in the dark for a moment, thinking. “I think I know something that would help a lot with that. Help you accept yourself more while proving that it doesn’t make anyone straighter or gayer to put on an outfit and act as a character.”
Sirius eyed him, suspecting what he was about to propose.
“We could put on a drag show right here at Hogwarts. If we got the whole group involved and had an open invitation for anyone in the queer community here to watch, it could be even more fun than some random club. It’d put out a good message for the younger students here too.”
“Absolutely not. I know I’ve had some wild karaoke nights when I've gotten too pissed, but in what world do you think I’d crossdress on a stage in front of the entire school?”
“A world where I’m right up on stage next to you.”
Sirius’ mouth dropped. “You?” He looked Remus up and down. He couldn’t imagine Remus looking or acting like that. He was always so… manly. Maybe not the roughest toughest of guys, but he was no Bowie.
“Why not? The girls can compete to see who can do our makeup the best and we can compete to see who can lip sync the best. It’d be fun.”
“I- I don’t know, Moony.”
“Are you too scared?” Remus challenged.
Sirius knew that he was goading him, but couldn’t help it, stupid Gryffindor pride. “I’m not scared!”
“I am. It’s okay to be. I’ve never set foot on a stage before. I know you put on this confident, carefree act in front of everyone, but I don’t think you really believe it. I think this would help you to be more confident in yourself.”
Sirius was quiet for a long time while he thought it over. Damn, Remus always saw right through him.
“If you want to see this ass in a skirt, you’ll say yes.” Remus smirked and raised an eyebrow. Sirius’ brain short circuited when he pictured it.
“Ok.” He answered, not fully computing what he had just agreed to.
That Saturday afternoon, Sirius sat in front of a vanity mirror, panicking.
Everyone else in their friend group had immediately agreed when Remus told them his idea, and they had spent the week planning it all out. They had changed the room of requirement into a large dressing room for them all to get ready. The middle of the room was divided with a thin wall so that one team could get Remus ready on the other side without the other team peeking. They were going to surprise each other before they went on stage.
They had offered the others to join them in the competition, but James had insisted on being the head judge with Lily and Dorcas Meadowes, who could be trusted not to be biased towards her girlfriend’s team, and Peter was content to help the girls sketch out designs for their outfits. Lily had still put a little bit of makeup on James anyway. In fact, everyone was being a little wild with their makeup and outfits. A lot of the students who had heard about the show were treating it like they were getting ready for a ball, and wanted to go all out. Sirius shivered a bit thinking about how none of them would even come close to the look that Mary had planned for him.
James hopped out from behind the colorful clothing rack in his complete red and gold suit with a half skirt around the back and squeezed Sirius’ shoulder.
“Don’t look so nervous, I’m sure you’re going to do great! I’m gonna go help set up the stage and the food tables. See you out there, Star.” He winked and jogged out of the dressing room.
Sirius cringed. ‘Lady Stardust‘ . That was the name they’d quickly come up for him, after the Bowie song of course. He pulled nervously at the threads of his rocker t-shirt, trying not to pick at the black nail polish they had given him last night, until he saw Remus peak his head around the divider from the mirror reflection.
He was wearing a loose white t-shirt that showed his scarred arms. He only ever wore things like that when he was around his close friends. Sirius gave him a nervous grin as he walked up behind him. He linked his arms around his shoulders and kissed his earlobe. “I know you’re scared. It’s okay. I’ll be there with you the whole way.”
Sirius leaned into his comforting warmth. He could act nonchalant around the rest of the group, but Remus knew how insecure he really felt about this.
“I feel like I’m just going to make a fool of myself. It was fun when we were just practicing the dances, or shaving our legs, but now it feels a little too real. What if the homophobes in this school just use this as a way to make us a laughing stock? What if I’m too awkward and everyone else hates me too?”
“That’s not going to happen. Peter knows everything about everyone, and with him as a bouncer we’ll only have decent people watching. And you were born to perform. You always look like you’re in your element when you’re doing drunk karaoke with James or playing quidditch. If anything I’ll probably be the one to get stage fright and freeze up. There’s no doubt in my mind that you’re going to slay .”
Sirius laughed. “I’ve never heard you say that.”
“Well, get used to it. I’m getting into character for this, so you’ve got to bring your A game if you want to beat me.” Remus said smugly, standing up and running his fingers through Sirius’ hair. Mary walked in and dropped her hefty makeup bag on the vanity.
“Shoo, shoo! We’ve got work to do. You’re not allowed to see until she’s done.” She waved him off.
Remus kissed him goodbye and gave him a reassuring smile as he went back to his dressing room.
Mary handed him a hair band for him to put his hair up and started taking out various creams and brushes. He eyed all of it warily.
“Don’t be all fidgety or I swear I’ll make you ugly.” She threatened, waving one of the brushes like it was a wand.
“You couldn’t make me ugly if you tried.” He stuck his tongue out at her.
Mary always put him at ease. He was glad he had her by his side in all this.
He made a face at the weird feeling of a glue stick being spread along his eyebrows, and flinched at first when she blended foundation across his face, but soon he got used to the feeling of it all and stayed still for her. She jammed out to music as she worked on him and they joked back and forth about various things. She soon found it easier to do his eyeshadow if his chair was turned towards her rather than the mirror, so he was going to have to wait to see the finished product. Sometimes she would stand back to look at him and just squeal in delight at how he looked. He always rolled his eyes. Sometimes they could hear laughter carrying over from Remus’ room.
After what felt like hours, she made some finishing touches and he opened his eyes to find that heavy lashes were taking up some of his peripheral vision.
“Oh my god you’re so prettyyy!” She covered her mouth with her hands. “Are you ready to see?”
He nodded and she turned his chair around to face the mirror. His eyes widened comically and he let out a bark of a laugh, then raised his hand to his lips, careful not to touch the lipstick. He stood up and got closer to his reflection, studying how it looked. Mary had used a shade of foundation paler than his skin to get an almost porcelain look, and had given him sultry black eyebrows a couple centimeters higher than his real one. His eye makeup was red and sparkly with sharp black eyeliner, and the eyelashes didn’t actually look as huge as they felt on his lids. The bottom lashes were glued closer to his undereyes to make his grey eyes look even bigger. He wore a dramatic ombré red lip and his bone structure was contoured to the sharpness of a knife. He already had a naturally quite feminine face, taking after his mother in looks, but with this makeup he looked indistinguishable from a woman, minus the adam’s apple.
Mary had gone with a less crazy and emphasized style of drag, instead focusing more on the glamor. He still recognized himself under it all, but it still was almost startling to hear his deep voice come out of the woman in his reflection’s mouth when he said “Mary! How did you…? Wow.”
She bowed and admired her work. “Ok, onto part 2. You’ve really got the thickest hair, so it’d be a waste to throw a wig over it. I think it’d look better if we just teased and moused it up. That alright?”
“Yeah, sure. I trust you to do anything you want.” He agreed.
“Another thing, we need to work on that voice. It’s unnerving to hear when you look like this.” She took his hair down and began brushing through it. “Have you practiced anything for when you're on stage?”
“No, I was too mortified. Can’t I just talk like this? I don’t want to sound like I’m mocking anyone.” But even as he said it he agreed that his voice sounded awkward coming from someone who looked so powerful.
“I don't think you would offend anybody. Do you remember that video clip you watched to learn the death drop? She said something once about pretending you had just gotten acrylic nails done and they were still wet, and once you do that enough the sassy voice and the confidence just come with it.”
“That doesn’t make any sense.”
“Just try it.” She said as she parted his hair and began spraying between layers of it to give it volume. He sighed and held out his hands.
“Girl, yo-“ he burst out laughing, unable to continue after just a word. He couldn’t take his reflection seriously.
“Come on, you can do better than that. Just remember that you’re not Sirius, you’re Lady Stardust. Repeat after me.”
He was still incredibly embarrassed, but having Mary next to him helped.
“I’m Lady Star-Motherfucking-Dust!”
“I am Lady Star-Motherfucking-Dust!” He waved his fingers at the mirror and pulled his bitchiest face. Oh this was fun. “And what about it?” He added.
Mary cheered. “Yaaas! Just keep having fun with it, it’ll help you loosen up.”
She had given him a large teased up side part and curled his hair just past his shoulders, and was now using gel to give stiff waves to his face framing locks, giving him a very old Hollywood look. She added a silver glitter paint to the edges of some of his curls and it really paid off together with his eyeshadow.
He made faces in the mirror, watching how his normal expressions translated over to this new face. When Mary was done she sprayed an ungodly amount of hairspray and then finally let him touch it.
Star had a very vintage look to her, and Sirius found himself moving his fingers and head in a very delicate and feminine manner so as to not break the spell. “Remus is going to hand over the crown when he sees this.” He kept up the higher voice too, adding some seductive tone into it the more he used it. It was morphing to match the old Hollywood transatlantic accent that this look seemed to be demanding. “This is making me question how attractive I find women.”
“We’re not done yet. I’m afraid you don’t want my help with this next part, but we need it for your outfit. I found a diagram online.” She gave him her phone and tucking tape. He scrunched his nose but took both and went behind a privacy screen. It was hard to take his shirt off over his big hair and not mess it up.
“This is actual torture I’ll tell you that much. I’d almost rather just have my balls hanging out of my dress.” He complained in his normal voice as he tucked himself according to the diagram. Mary chuckled. He stood up straight when he was finished and shifted his hips back and forth, getting used to the feeling. It was pretty uncomfortable but not painful like he was expecting. He wondered how his body was going to react to seeing Remus in heels if he was all taped up like this.
“Alright?”
“Yeah. Smooth as a Barbie doll.” He said as Mary handed him some pantyhose. They didn’t cover much but it was enough for him to come out and have Mary help him with the padding. They had gathered a bunch of socks and were transfiguring them into pads to place along his hips, thighs, and butt. They giggled as Mary shrank or engorged them to become the perfect size for the hourglass figure she had in mind. Without clothes on he looked quite silly. She helped him to fasten on a strapless push up bra that had just enough padding in it to push his pecs up into passable A cups. She swatted him when he squeezed at them curiously.
He held onto Mary’s shoulders as she helped him step into the dress they had chosen. It was an off the shoulder sparkly red dress with a slit exposing his entire thigh and giving him freedom to dance. The bottom ended at his ankles so he wouldn’t have to worry about stepping on the train in heels, for he had only walked in them briefly earlier in the week.
It had been hilarious, trading the pair of stilettos between all of the guys in their friend group and watching each of their attempts at a runway walk. James looked like a deer on a frozen lake. Once Sirius got the hang of it, he made them all laugh with his impression of Filch’s knee high running.
They decided he didn’t need a necklace, leaving the tattoos across his collarbones to be the centerpiece, but she did give him some silver clip on earrings and a bracelet that matched.
Mary took a step back and shook her head. “It’s a good thing you’re a dude because if you looked like this all the time I’d probably hate you out of jealousy.” She said as she waved her wand to make the dress fit skin tight to his figure.
He did a double tongue click and winked at the compliment.
“Hold this.” She pressed the front of a lacey black waist corset to his stomach. He held it there and stood up straight as she moved behind him and began lacing it up. Not only did it take a long time to tie up, but once it got to the cinching phase he had to hold onto the wall for support. “Merlin’s balls,” he winced. “Tell me again how I’m supposed to breathe when this thing is closing down on my rib cage?”
“I’m not going to go any tighter than that, we don’t want you fainting or anything. If it starts to be too much let me know and I’ll loosen it.” She tied off the bottom and went to grab the finishing touch from the other side of the room. While she was away he moved his hands along his curvy hip and waistline.
“Actually you should probably come over here and sit down.” She called to him. His walk back to the vanity had him feeling like his body was already moving differently in these clothes. He jumped as he caught his reflection.
“Mary!!” The reflection of Star yelled as she spun her body around to look at all her curves. “Holy shit!”
“I know! You look like the devil herself in a red dress.” Mary had to drag her to sit down.
Star found it hard to look away and focus on buckling the black peep toe heels. When she stood she pointed her foot and admired the silhouette.
“I should wear heels more often, look at how they make my calves flex.”
Mary returned with a highlighter brush, added a little more to her collarbones, and then misted some of her perfume around her. She set everything back onto the counter and clasped her hands together tight. “You’re done. Go on, give us a runway walk then.”
She ran in short, quick steps to the back of the room all while laughing. She took a deep breath and composed herself before stepping off into a catwalk. She only managed 3 serious steps before she had to stop and cover her smile again. “Oh my god, wait.” She stepped off again in a fluid sideways walk that had Mary screaming her praises.
“We need to take some photos!” Mary took out her phone and squatted to be at a cooler angle.
“If my mother could see me now…” She emphasized Star’s voice as she posed.
“Are you nearly finished?” Marlene knocked on the doorframe before peeking her head in. The second she spotted Star, her jaw dropped to the floor. “FUCKING HELL SIRIUS.”
“Take a picture honey, it’ll last longer.” He winked, but lost all of his composure when a gold velvet glove reached around the wall.
A figure who must be at least 6’5” in those heels stepped out and beamed at him. She wore a long raspberry colored wig with 1920’s waves all the way down to the ends. Her lipstick and eyeshadow matched the color, and a darker burgundy eyeliner cut all the way up to her brow bone. The warm tones popped with her suntanned skin. She wore a deep v-cut dress that showed off rather large fake tits and had shiny golden shoulder pads. The front of the gold skirt stopped halfway down her thighs but the back trailed back to the ground and had ruffles along the edge of it. She wore knee high stiletto boots that matched her hair. She walked even better than Sirius in them as she made her way over to them. A slight twitch of the lips was the only indication of Remus’ reaction to Sirius’ appearance, but he quickly steeled himself back into character.
“Rosetta Jinx Lupine… but your dad just calls me Rose .” Rose moaned. “A pleasure to meet you.”
Sirius had surely never heard Remus use that voice before. It wasn’t exactly higher than normal, but it was extremely sultry.
“Believe me, the pleasure is all mine.” Sirius was surprised he was able to stay in character through the shock he was in. He didn’t feel feminine and powerful anymore, he just felt utterly whipped.
His boyfriend was gorgeous. Through all of the layers of confidence that Rose was emanating, (where Remus had pulled that from, Sirius had no clue) he could still see Remus with a very knowing glint in his eye and a reassuring smile.
“Oh this is going to be so amazing!” Mary said as she crushed Marlene in a hug. “I’m going to run and get the Polaroid!”
“I’ll go and tell Lily they’re ready!”
And then there were two.
“So… your thoughts?” Rose asked, stepping one of her boots up on a hat box. Sirius felt a jolt in his stomach.
“Do that again and I’ll cum.”
Remus let out a surprised laugh, finally breaking character.
“I’m not joking. Merlin, look at you.” Sirius hoped he wasn’t drooling.
“Look at me?! Look at you! You look like a gothic supermodel.” He reached out and ran his gloved fingers along his cinched waist.
Sirius locked their fingers together and dragged them over to look in the mirror again. Lady Stardust sat at the vanity and pulled Rosetta’s arms to rest around her shoulders, in a much similar position to how they had been hours earlier. Rose arched her back and jutted her hip out. “I’d kiss you but I wouldn’t want to ruin all of Mary’s hard work.” She squeezed her hand. “Are you still nervous?”
“Not as much. I feel like a superhero, like I can do anything in this getup and get away with it. I’m ready to go out there and give all the straight boys an identity crisis.” Sirius smiled.
Mary soon returned with the Polaroid and they took several pictures together and with the girls before heading down to the great hall, laughing most of the way. There were still a couple straggling students at that time of night who weren’t aware of the show being put on, so they got a handful of double takes. They were hard to miss, with their big hair and echoing shoes on the flagstones.
Star smiled when she caught a glimpse of familiar black hair. “Oi, Reggie! Wish a sister good luck, eh?”
Regulus turned around, confused, but then froze in bewilderment. He didn’t say a word, just gaped at her. She went up and ruffled his hair before strutting off. He barely flinched, just kept staring after her in a mix of horror and amusement.
The queens had to be led quickly behind a curtain so as to not be seen by the crowd and judges before the big reveal. Looking through the crack, Sirius could see James and Lily laughing with Dorcas, Marlene, and Mary. Other students were mingling and helping themselves to the snack table. Dumbledore and McGonagall were overseeing the event to make sure it stayed school appropriate. (The cost of using the great hall rather than somewhere secret) God, he was about to do this in front of the head teachers. No. Star was about to do this, and she wasn’t afraid of anything. He thought he might be starting to understand the appeal of having a persona.
“Hope you’ve got a plan, Cariad, because I’ve got a couple tricks up my sleeves.” Rose intimidated.
“I did my research.” Sirius answered cryptically. Really, he’d just gotten Lily to show him some video highlights and practiced a death drop over and over so he wouldn’t hurt himself.
“Can’t wait to see it.” She blew a kiss and went to where she would enter from. The runway was split off into two pieces that converged together in a short Y shape. Sirius rolled out his ankles and shook out his hands as James started to MC the contest.
“I’m Lady Motherfucking Stardust, this is going to be a cake walk, and I’m going to make Remus wear my crown on his knees when this is all over.” He mumbled, hyping himself up. Getting into character, she took a deep breath, and placed her hands on her hips.
“-and without further ado, it is my greatest pleasure to introduce, for her debut on the stage: Lady Stardust!”
She pushed through the curtain and did her best fluid model walk to the music. She did her best to keep her face a mask of unbothered cuntiness, but it was extremely difficult when he caught sight of his best friend shaking his girlfriend’s shoulders and losing his mind over how he looked.
When the music and screaming students died down she stopped in the middle of the platform, letting one arm hang loosely down and sneaking her knee out of her dress’ slit.
“This star lives up to her shining name. Tell us, who is your makeup artist and dress designer tonight?” Dorcas asked.
“Why, no other than Mary MacDonald, darling.” She beamed.
Mary stood up in her own spotlight and took her bow.
“Our other queen, also making her debut tonight, I’m told she’s sharp as a thorn, give it up for Rosetta Jinx Lupine!” Lily announced.
Star watched in faux boredom as Rose sashayed down her portion of the stage. Her boots could crack the earth from the force she brought them down with.
“Marvelous, and your designer?”
“All the credit goes to Marlene McKinnon.” She said, her voice like a song.
Marlene waved to Rose and then to the crowd with a huge toothy smile.
With the runway part over, they moved on to the main part of the competition: the lip sync.
Lady Stardust was a natural performer, and had the audience's attention for much of the first half of the song. She made eye contact with Rose many times and they occasionally worked off of each other's dance moves to put on a more exciting show. They weren’t flawless dancers, and were still a bit cautious in their heels, but the fire of competing against one another helped them sell it.
Suddenly, Rose did a spin, ripping off her skirt in the process, and throwing it to Marlene. Without it, she was left with an 80’s workout leotard look that accentuated her full hips and somehow still worked with her elbow high gloves. The music began to build up to the finale, and Star knew she had to bring all she had. As she danced and sang along to the track, Rose pulled off one of her velvet gloves, and rose petals flew out, fluttering across the stage. Oh hell no. ‘Tricks up my sleeves’, Remus had said backstage. He should have known.
She smirked at Star as she bit the other glove with her teeth and released more petals. The crowd was going nuts, and Star had to do a slow motion slide into the splits to grab their attention back. Sirius had been stretching all week in preparation, but obviously he still couldn’t go all the way down, so he did a sit roll out of it at the last second and stood back up with a dramatic hair flip.
As the song reached its final climax and the singer belted out a long, high note, Rose lifted her wig from her head comedically and even more rose petals poured out of it. Everyone went nuts, and Sirius knew it was over.
Rose placed the wig back on her head and picked up a single black rose that had fallen out. Star shook her head, smiling, as she walked over to take her extended hand. She placed the flower stem between her teeth and let Rose spin and then dip her. When she was pulled back up she spun back to the other side of the stage, and with the final beat of the song, did the huge death drop he had been so excited for. James shot out of his seat at the sight of it and the whole crowd erupted at their spectacular finish.
Remus helped him off the ground and into a big hug.
The after party was even crazier. Without any professors around, and the younger years having gone to bed, alcohol was brought into the picture. Rose and Star only had a couple of drinks, knowing that if they had any hope of not falling asleep in this getup they had better stop at tipsy. They took pictures with just about every person there, and were praised for their performances. James danced his ass off with Star, clutching his stomach with laughter every time she made a joke with her sassy voice. Lily tried on Rose’s wig and took a video vogueing with Marlene.
After a while, the night got away from them all, and whoever hadn’t gone back to their dorm for the night had passed out in the common room. The two queens ended up walking themselves back to the dressing room in search of makeup wipes and flatter shoes.
Sirius collapsed onto the vanity seat. “Could you grab my clothes from the corner?” He asked, fluttering his heavy eyelashes. He watched as his boyfriend walked over to the pile, his high heels loud in the silence of the room. When he bent down he felt like he was purposely showing off his round ass. Sirius bit his lip as he walked back over, stunning as ever in that cherry pink makeup. When he handed him the clothes he closed the distance between them and finally let them kiss. It felt different, kissing him with lipstick on, but it wasn’t bad.
“You know, before I went on, I told myself that if I won I’d have you on your knees wearing my crown, but seeing as you’re the winner, maybe I should do the honors.” He used Star’s voice.
Remus licked his now slightly smudged lips. “Maybe you should.” He placed his tiara on Sirius’ head. “But maybe let’s get out of all this first, yeah?”
Sirius shook his head with a smile and tossed him the bag of makeup remover.