Return from Christmas Break
1992-First Year
The train ride was as loud as it could be. Olivia was talking about her winter break. It seemed full of light and fun. Her parents had bought her a trumpet like she had begged them too.
Erin’s break was a bit more solemn. She was at the church for the majority of her break. Her parents took great pride in helping with the winter drives and giving back. It was a noble cause, but Erin didn’t seem at all enthused by it.
Luna, herself, wasn’t in the same compartment as them. She had a couple of friends in Gryffindor that she decided to sit with.
Elizabeth’s break wasn’t as vivacious as Olivia’s, but not as quiet as Erin’s. Somewhere in the middle she thought. Her uncle’s friends, Layla and Sam, were very pleasant. They had gotten a beautiful cottage near the beach. It was winter and hence, they couldn’t exactly enjoy it, but the sea air was still refreshing. They didn’t really know what to do with her, but her uncle made sure to keep her busy. He had brought with him for her multiple puzzles, books, sketchbooks, and pencils.
She spent most her time on their porch sketching the horizon or drinking hot chocolate while reading her new books. She had read a rather interesting one, Howl’s Moving Castle by Dianne Wynne Jones. She sometimes wished that she could go on adventures like that. Experience magic like that, but the way she was learning about magic felt more like math and formulas. It wasn’t a bad thing, but it’s not the same. Not the same kind of wonder.
Liz’s parents did call on the day after Christmas. They sent a cheque to Todd to buy her something. Elizabeth didn’t understand the extent of what that meant. Her uncle explained that they couldn’t send anything bigger than an envelope. So, they put him in charge of getting something for her with the cheque. He seemed upset and a little mad when he explained it to her. He even went on the phone after her to talk to them and it honestly didn’t seem at all nice. He had sent her away from the room, but she still stayed hidden behind the door. Her ear pressed against it.
“Can’t you at least send a nice note with it or even a book? Did you even look at the list of options I sent you?”
“(unintelligible jargon)”
You’re her parents and you’ve already missed two Christmases and last summer. It’s been a year and a half.”
“(more defensive blah blah)”
“Why have a kid if that’s how you’re going to treat them?!”
“(….)”
“I don’t care that that’s not fair. It’s not fair for-”
Elizabeth left them to argue. When they get like this, it’s better to not be there. She knew that her situation was unique, but she never fully got why he would get mad when he called them. They have amazing jobs that wouldn’t keep her in one spot. They were busy. They wish they could be there. They really do.
She grabbed her jacket from the hook and her boots. She sat outside on the porch. There was a numbness forming in the depth of her heart and stomach. Every once in a while, the feeling would take over. The tears would well up and breathing became more and more of a hardship.
Today was different though. The tears wouldn’t come. She wouldn’t let them. There was no reason for them to come. It was Christmas and they wish they were here with her.
She barely heard Todd come outside and sit next to her. He put an arm around her and she immediately folded into him. He held her there for what felt like forever. When she began to pull away, he interrupted the silence:
“What do you say to some cinnamon rolls?”
She nodded and they walked to the kitchen and pulled the dough they had made the night before. The delight was made in a bit more than an hour later and the sorrows of the morning were gone, but not forgotten. It stayed in the back of her mind. Something to deal with later.
Her break was quiet and nothing spectacular. This was what she told her friends.
“I read for most of it. My uncle hung out with his friends. It wasn’t that interesting.”
“Well, I think it’s still better than being bombarded by your family. I swear they don’t know about privacy.”
“It’s better than being stuck in a church with a bunch of old people.”
She smiled at that and the rest of the ride was quiet. She had a feeling that next year she was going to stay at Hogwarts for Christmas. Less disappointment that way.
…
The castle looked almost unrecognizable with all the snow. It was clear that many blizzards had blown through the area. Icicles hung from the roofs and archways. Frost covered the windows barely letting you see through them. Despite the cold wind from outside, the castle was warm. A charm was clearly keeping the cold out with the help of each and every fireplace being lit. The halls were still decorated with ornaments and tinsel.
Classes were to start the next day and everyone was settling back in. In their dorm, Cho and Padma were gossiping on Padma’s bed. Luna was still nowhere to be seen even though her trunk was sitting at the bottom of her bed. Erin and Elizabeth themselves were talking about Blackadder. Specifically, they were talking about the Christmas Special that Erin had gotten access to somehow. There wasn’t any world where her mother would have let her watch it.
The night took over the day and Elizabeth was all nerves as she realized that she would likely get news about her potions’ examination the next day.
…
“Ms. Blanchet, thank you for staying after class.”
Professor Snape had asked her to stay behind. Presumably, he was going to talk to her about that test thing she did before the break. He gave back their marks for the in-class exam which she already knew she had aced.
“I need to speak to you about the test I gave you. I’ve spoken to Dumbledore and he believes that you should be placed in a higher class. It was my recommendation that you stay in this one, but he believes your efforts are wasted here.”
“Do I have a choice?”
“Yes. You can stay in this class or change to the 2nd years’ class.”
“Can I see what the class is like before I switch?”
“At 4th period, you can join. Sit in the back and see.”
“Thank you.”
He pulled a face and turned away. He honestly did not seem happy about the new development.
However, even if she was slightly irritated that he didn’t think she would be good enough to move classes, she tended to agree with him.
It meant leaving Erin, Olivia, Luna and Isaac behind. And would she be judged for it? Would she be able to keep up? She had a couple of hours before she would find out.
She got to lunch and explained to her friends her predicament.
“That’s amazing!” Olivia exclaimed.
“Snape would hate you though,” Erin countered.
“I wouldn’t be in class with you guys anymore either,” Elizabeth said.
“I think this calls for an pros and cons list,” Isaac said, pulling a piece of parchment from his bag. He has really come out of his shell since being part of the group. Before he could barely mutter two words and here, he was fully participating. Olivia honestly seemed very proud of that fact.
“Pro: You can say suck it to Snape,” Olivia said.
“Con: He would likely make your life more difficult and you would be alone,” Erin said.
“You would likely be more known around school. I don’t know if that’s a pro or a con though,” Luna piped in.
“Con.” Elizabeth said pointedly. “You know, I’ll go to the class and decide then.”
She got up and excused herself. There was only a few more minutes before the next class and she needed some time.
It was stressing her. This kind of decision was a big one. How could she know?
“Attends. Respire. Va au cours. Tu peux décider après.” (Wait. Breathe. Go to the class. You can decide after.)
She breathed in and out. There was an ache again in the depth of her heart. It kept beating harder and harder.
“Respire.” (Breathe.) “It’ll be okay.”
She said the majority of this under her breath as she neared the greenhouse. Now, she often did speak to herself without being aware of her actually doing it. However, usually people just brushed it off or weren’t paying attention.
“Do you always talk to yourself like a crazy person?” A familiar voice called out.
Startled at the voice, she looked at Malfoy surrounded by his two cronies.
“What do you want?” Elizabeth questioned as she put her bag down at her spot.
“Well, I’m asking if you’re crazy, but considering the Muggle blood running through your veins, it wouldn’t be much of a surprise.”
“I’m not crazy.”
“Sure. Sure. You keep telling yourself that. Soon, they’ll send you to loony bin with Lovegood.”
“Has anyone told you that you are very annoying?”
“No, they usually say I’m actually quite amazing.”
“Then, they’re lying to you.”
He couldn’t come up with a reply. Sucker. Elizabeth was proud that she shut him up. A sly smile graced her face.
“On dirais que tu es sur le point de vomir. Do you need a bucket?” (You look as if you’re about to throw up.)
She looked at him with her eyebrows knit together in confusion. What does that even mean? And great, he speak French!
He smirked and turned to boast about it to his cronies. He was very happy with himself.
Erin and Luna joined her moments later blissfully unaware of Liz’s little back-and-forth with Malfoy. Nevertheless, she wasn’t thinking about him, but about the next class that she wasn’t going to be attending for the first time. It was just the question if it would be the last time till next year.