Remus Lupin and wanting revenge
Remus
“Lupin and Black.”
Fuck.
Remus glanced at Sirius, who had gone three shades paler. Maybe he should’ve made it clearer that he didn’t want anything to do with that traitor.
It’s not like Remus wanted to hurt Sirius. Well, yes, he wanted to hurt Sirius.
But he didn’t want to hurt the Sirius he’d known. His Sirius. The same boy who’d spent nearly two years becoming an animagus so that Remus wouldn’t have to spend full moons alone; the boy that had loved his friends like a dog and would go to hell and back for them.
But the boy sitting only two seats down was a stranger. Remus couldn’t recognize this version of Sirius. Initially, Remus had thought he’d be bombarded with apologies and excuses. But after a week of complete radio silence, he grew increasingly frustrated.
Why hadn’t Sirius said anything? Remus didn’t know if he had wanted him to, but it was still confusing.
Remus almost believed that Sirius had a doppelgänger.
Lately, Remus couldn’t think of anything but revenge.
He wanted Sirius to feel betrayed like he had. He wanted Sirius to feel the sting, to lose sleep, to hurt.
Part of Remus thought that by causing Sirius pain, his would disappear.
Part of Remus also knew that he didn’t have the strength to hurt someone so dear to him- no matter how alienated Sirius had become, their memories would forever remain locked inside.
Pushing Sirius away wasn’t easy, either. Not with the way he’d been acting. Remus wished Sirius would fight or argue or do something to influence his anger.
He would rarely speak, no matter what Remus said. It was so dreadfully unlike Sirius to shut down like this. All three of the other boys had expected a bombardment of excuses and apologies, nobody had expected Sirius Orion Black, king of dramatics and excuses, to stay so quiet.
Remus was also not pleased when James and Peter decided to start talking with Sirius again. He knew deep down that it was inevitable- James looked like he was in physical pain after not speaking to his best friend for a week, but it still stung.
Remus thought his friends might hold out a bit longer before running to kiss Sirius’ ass again.
He was confused when they had run into Regulus. Remus had always thought of Sirius’ younger brother to be cold and ruthless towards any and everything. He had interacted with the boy scarcely- never knowing how to act around him because of the way he had made Sirius feel.
But seeing him smile had turned Remus inside out. What had Sirius done to earn reconciliation? Why were good things happening to him? Thinking about it had only made Remus feel sick.
He had held off on projecting his hurt and anger for a little while, but the past week had been rough. Watching Sirius act so detached as if he were the victim filled Remus with indescribable rage.
The worst part was that couldn’t do anything about it. Because Remus Lupin was weak. Anytime he’d come close to blowing up, Sirius would give him those bloody eyes. Like he were some kicked puppy. It was infuriating and Remus hated himself so much for it.
He desperately wanted to get Sirius back. To hurt the way he had- he’d take anything.
So here Remus was. A perfect opportunity to see into Sirius Black’s mind.
Part of him was ecstatic- there was sure to be something he could use. The other part of him was afraid. Afraid of what he might see, afraid of seeing something he might regret. A microscopic part of him was afraid of hurting Sirius.
Being the Gryffindor he was, Remus ignored his fears and made his way towards Sirius.
Mary had her arm around his shoulder protectively, making Remus scoff. The two of them had dated most of fourth year but had broken it off before summer. Sirius had refused to elaborate on the details of their breakup- not that Remus had minded. He was just glad about not having to enviously watch them anymore.
Not because he was jealous of Sirius. It was quite the opposite.
He’d realized that he was queer over the summer when his neighbor was out for a walk wearing shorts that were a few sizes too small, hugging in all the right places. At first, Remus was disgusted with himself as he was the only person in the world who had ever had urges solely for the opposite sex.
He was wrong. Being gay wasn’t a choice nor was it a sinful thing, he’d learned via E. M. Foster, and he’d found a certain peace with it by the start of term.
It brought him solace to know that he wasn’t backward for never having liked a girl. He was happy with himself and his friends, truly at peace with life.
Of course, that peace was suddenly and rudely interrupted the moment he’d seen Sirius Black for the first time since last term. He’d grown into his features, supporting a sharp jawline and striking downturned eyes. His childish button nose had straightened into a much more mature shape. The hair on his face had gone so long without being trimmed that it framed his face almost too perfectly.
The fact that Remus could remember these details as though it were yesterday was concerning.
Sirius, for lack of better words, was pretty. Not feminine pretty, or masculine pretty. Just pretty.
Remus was whipped. Internal chaos broke out the moment Sirius hugged him, flashing his iconic grin, and Remus had to excuse himself to the bathroom.
A lovely preview for the upcoming year.
His feelings grew more intense every day. It wasn’t just Sirius’ looks that Remus had fallen for if that were the case he might as well have been grouped with 90% of the female population. It wasn’t just his charm, though Remus enjoyed watching Sirius practically swoop poor souls off their feet with one ghastly smile.
It was his soul. Underneath the devilish good looks and big personality, there was the gentle spirit of someone who cared deeply and loved fiercely. That was who Remus had fallen for. That was his Padfoot.
Looking at Sirius used to be as easy as breathing. It came naturally, as though his body craved it.
Looking at Sirius now was as easy as breathing with a bleeding lung. It hurt to inhale. It hurt to exhale. It hurt to hold in. He couldn’t let it out.
Not yet. Maybe not ever.
But all humans need to breathe.
So he subconsciously allowed himself to watch Sirius.
Remus saw the way he’d bite his lip when he wanted to say something but was waiting for the other person to finish speaking. He watched Sirius smile like a madman when James or Peter would so much as look at him, desperate for attention, desperate for love.
His throat would close up with a familiar sting.
Watching didn’t mean forgiving. Watching was simply a guilty pleasure, a coping mechanism. That was all.
“You aren’t going inside my head.”
Sirius all but glared, eyes more afraid than angry.
“You certainly aren’t going in mine, Black.” Remus snapped. Mary looked between them as if she were at a loss for words.
“You aren’t going inside my head, Lupin,” Sirius repeated with a bit more bite.
Lupin. He hated it when Sirius called him that; it was so unnatural. He’d grown too used to ‘Moony’ or simply Remus.
Even in his anger, he longed for the playful love of Sirius Black. It was pathetic.
“Oh, like I’d let you inside mine? We both know that’s not happening.”
Mary shot up and closed in on Remus. Her eyes were dark and fierce- Remus was about to piss himself.
Once she was close enough that Remus could see the dark freckles lining her nose, she spoke.
“Remus John Lupin, you will stay out of his head if you know what’s good for you. Don’t. Fuck. With. Me.”
Shitttt.
Mary Macdonald was undoubtedly terrifying. Behind that cute face and sweet voice was a wicked she-devil.
Remus almost faltered. Almost.
“I don’t want to fight with you, Mary. Please stay out of it.” His voice, still tight, softened. He didn’t think being cross with Mary was fair.
She tried to say something, but Sirius stopped her by leaning in and whispering.
Remus felt his heart clench.
Can hearts clench? I mean technically not but- wait. What the hell? Stay on task.
Mary stared at Sirius sadly and nodded. They both stood up and hugged, Sirius wrapped his arms around her neck.
Remus warded off any jealousy.
Letting his emotions get in the way was simply not an option.
Mary hesitated before she went to meet Lily across the room. Sirius fake smiled and gave her an encouraging nod. Any hint of caring vanished when his eyes met Remus’.
Both of them knew subconsciously what would happen.
Remus exhaled and slowly reached for his wand. Once he held it with confidence, he looked back to Sirius, who was mirroring Remus’ movements.
It was kind of cute, watching Sirius mime him. Woah- Remember the circumstances, Remus. Not the time to be fawning.
McGonagall’s voice redirected their attention as she explained how to cast the spell.
“Focus is the key component, you will not successfully pervade your partner's mind while thinking off-topic.”
Shouldn’t be a problem, I don’t think.
“The incantation is Legilimens,”
McGonagall had the class repeat it several times before continuing,
“Before Professor Flitwick may begin teaching the occulemeny charm, it is crucial that you master this.”
Once they had the okay to begin, Remus raised his wand.
He had a plan. One that would ensure his success.
“Lupin- Remus, please. I know what I did was awful and there’s absolutely nothing I could ever do to make it up to you, but you’re better than me,” Sirius croaked, his voice breaking.
“You- er, I- just please.”
Remus stared, not moving or speaking. Whatever manipulation Sirius was planning wouldn’t affect him.
Watching Sirius squirm was satisfactory, Remus wouldn’t lie.
“Cool, well anyways, I thought you should know that I’ve absolutely been in love with you all year in a queer way.”
Sirius dropped his wand and gawked, blue eyes widened with shock. Remus took the opportunity in stride, immediately waving his wand.
“Legilimens!”
Sirius yelped as soon as he’d realized. Their eyes met and for a split second, Remus reconsidered everything.
Alas, it was a bit too late for reconciliation. The spell had been cast. Remus was blacking out.
You aren’t fainting, idiot! It’s just the feeling of getting inside someone’s head. If anything, you’re Blacking out.
Remus had begun to think he’d grown delirious. But then, it hit. His mind was spinning for just a few precious seconds before all went dark.
When he opened his eyes, he saw a small child, a short woman, and a baby.
ˏˋ°•*⁀➷
The child couldn’t have been older than three. He was an unusual-looking toddler, missing the typical childish tummy and fat cheeks. Remus thought he’d looked hollow.
The short woman certainly resembled the child. Pale skin, thick raven hair, stormy grey eyes. She was undoubtedly his mother.
The baby had been swaddled in black cloth, matching the aesthetic of the nursery the three stood in.
Depressing much?
“Mummy, can I play with Reggie now?” The tiny voice of the child rang. The woman’s eyes turned cold.
“Sirius Orion Black, have I not warned you about using such a childish vocabulary?” She clamped down on his tiny arm, squeezing it red. Remus felt his heart drop. This frigid bitch was undoubtedly Sirius’ mother, Waburga Black.
“Sorry, mummy!” Sirius cried out, trying to pry his mother’s fingers off his arm. Walburga squeezed harder, causing Sirius to wail.
“My name is not ‘Mummy’.”
She kept squeezing as her child cried.
“I'm sorry, mother!”
Walburga, satisfied, let go of his wrist with a hum. Sirius examined where she had caused pain. His forearm was an unhealthy shade of red and the middle had gone purple.
Remus felt so sick.
How could anyone treat a small child like that? It was absolutely unorthodox, especially over a title.
Remus hadn’t been prepared to watch something like that; all he could do was hope that it got better.
“You will not refer to me as ‘mummy’ again. Nor will you continue to refer to your little brother as ‘Reggie’.” The way Walburga spoke to her toddler was nasty, lacking any maternal warmth traditionally expected of a mother.
Sirius nodded, wiped the tears from his cheeks, then smiled. The same smile that had bothered Remus when he was eleven, enthralled him at thirteen and had him utterly captivated at sixteen.
Walburga stood up and left her two children in the nursery. Sirius’ smile didn’t fade as he waddled over to the bassinet his brother resided in.
Regulus Black looked like Regulus black, taken fourteen years. He looked to be about one, maybe younger.
His hair wasn’t as thick as Sirius and his cheeks were plumper, but they mirrored each other as well then as now.
Oh, and Regulus had his iconic sour look placated on his face.
“Hi, Reggie!” Sirius whispered, smiling as brightly as before.
Regulus’ face lit up, he giggled and outstretched his arms towards his older brother. Sirius was too short to peak into the bassinet without being on his toes and couldn’t reach back.
This made Regulus very unhappy. A few hiccups plus an angry coo later, Regulus was crying.
Remus felt himself tense.
Why am I able to feel shit if I can’t see my own body? And why is Regulus Black such a funky-looking baby? This is so fucking weird-
Remus cut his internal monologue off. This was not the time to comment on Regulus Black’s strange appearance. It’s not like he looked funny anymore, not at all! Probably not as pretty as Sirius but-
Focus!
Toddler-Sirius quickly pulled up the chair his mother had been sitting in and climbed into bed with his brother.
Regulus’ crying immediately blossomed into a fit of giggles.
What a bipolar child.
Sirius winced after Regulus basically threw himself on top of him. His arm was still very red and the bruising had gotten slightly worse.
It hurt Remus.
He had never pondered the idea that Sirius’ parents could’ve been physically abusive. He was aware that it wasn’t great and that the Blacks had a history with blood purity nonsense that Sirius couldn’t care less about- but violence seemed completely outlandish.
“I love you, Reggie!” Sirius giggled as his brother clung to him.
“Love you.” Regulus babbled.
It was so utterly precious. Remus could feel himself smiling.
How am I smiling? Where is my body?
It didn’t matter.
Remus watched them talk- well Sirius did most of the talking, as usual- for another few seconds before he felt lightheaded again.
His focus went in and out until Remus saw black and then white and then Blacks.
Five Blacks, to be precise. Three girls recognized two to be Bellatrix and Narcissa, and two boys; Sirius and Regulus.
They stood alone in a hallway as dreary as the nursery had been.
They were all young. The oldest girl looking fifteen. Remus didn’t recognize her. She had black hair and grey eyes just like the rest of them, minus Narcissa and her blonde self.
Regulus and Sirius could’ve been seven and eight.
Regulus was still a sour-looking thing, glaring at seemingly everyone aside from his older brother.
Sirius was vibrant, despite the colorless setting and his overly traditional robes he was as delightful as could be.
And he wasn’t alone. The oldest girl mirrored his face. They looked so similar. Almost as similar as Sirius and Regulus, Remus thought.
“Peanut, I’ve missed you!” She exclaimed while pulling Sirius into a tight hug. She cupped his cheeks before smooching both sides. Sirius beamed.
“Cissy and Bella have too, they’re just assholes.” She teased, overly annunciating the swear. Sirius was the only one that laughed. The others sort of just stood there and glowered at each other.
What a bummer of a family.
“I missed you too, Andie!” Sirius breathed through giggles. His hair had a fresh trim and Remus realized he’d never seen Sirius without hair past the bottom of his head.
Regulus put his hand on Sirius, pulling him away from ‘Andie’.
Sirius frowned at the loss of contact, now focusing on his brother. Regulus looked like he wanted to say something, but was cut off by Andie- who had picked him up and begun spinning around.
“How’s my munchkin doing? Didn’t think hiding behind big bro was gonna save you from my wrath, did ya?”
Regulus didn’t smile or laugh or even react, retreating behind Sirius as soon as Andie let him down.
“Don’t speak in such improper jargon, Andromeda! Mother and Father could very well overhear.” Narcissa hissed, swatting her sister’s arm.
Andromeda? Andromeda was familiar. Remus had spent probable hours listening to Sirius talk about his ‘favorite cousin Andromeda’. Andie was Andromeda. He felt stupid for not figuring it out sooner.
“Oh pish-posh, Cissa. When has father ever gone further than a tough scolding?” Andromeda looked between Bellatrix and Narcissa, who didn’t argue.
The five of them continued to chat, Sirius and Andromeda taking the reins and the rest chiming in every so often. Remus understood why Sirius spoke so highly of his cousin.
They were quite literally the same person. Not only did they look like twins, but the pair had such similar flare and personality. Remus can’t fathom what trouble the two of them might cook up.
“You’re all in Slytherin, together! That must be so much fun- I can’t wait for Reggie and I to be in the same house!” Sirius rambled, his eyes lighting up as he spoke of the school.
Sirius thought he’d be Slytherin?
Remus couldn’t see it at all. He’d sooner be sorted into Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw.
“I hardly see Bellatrix or Andromeda outside the common room. We are too preoccupied with personal matters to focus too hardly on one another.” Narcissa explained while running her fingers through her hair. She was the youngest of the sisters and had just started Hogwarts if Remus remembered correctly. Her sixth and seventh years coincided with his and Sirius’ first and second.
Bellatrix had been around only during their first year as she was a year older than Narcissa.
“Little Regulus should stop being such a clingy thing,” Bellatrix spoke up in a taunting tone “What’ll you do when Sirius is off at Hogwarts and you’re stuck here alone for two terms?”
Regulus tucked himself under Sirius’ arm, hiding his face in his robes.
Bellatrix cackled at his reaction- a bone-chilling noise only someone as utterly fucked up as Bellatrix Black could muster. Sirius glared at her and then comfortingly squeezed his brother.
“Don’t worry, Reg. Bella’s just crabby. And we still have three years till I’m of age!” Sirius ruffled Regulus’ hair. Andromeda smiled proudly at her cousin, and Remus felt his chest swell.
Bellatrix rolled her eyes at the insult, reviving a chuckle from Narcissa. They really did have a strange dynamic.
“Sirius, I think we should find Mother. She’ll be angry if we don’t greet the rest of the family.” Regulus spoke softly and shyly. Remus was impressed at his vocabulary; he knew he certainly hadn’t spoken so poshly at seven.
Andromeda agreed, warning Sirius to behave himself with a grin. Sirius, of course, took this moment to crack a joke.
“But Andieeee, what if darling uncle Cygnus transforms into a dragon- he certainly has the breath for it- and I have no choice but to insult him until he feels so badly about himself he crumples to the ground and I have no choice but to slay him right there?”
If Remus had been there he would’ve laughed.
Wait- take that back. No, you wouldn’t, Remus. Reminder, you hate Sirius Black.
There were four very different reactions to his dumbassery.
Narcissa rolled her eyes and commented, “Something is severely wrong with you.”
Bellatrix tried to jump on top of her cousin. Andromeda caught her before she could.
Regulus stayed quiet, but a nervous look crept up his once solemn face.
Andromeda laughed out loud and promised that if her father turned into a bad-breathed dragon she’d slay it before he had the chance.
The five of them started moving down the hallway, but Sirius was stopped by a tug on his sleeve.
“What’s wrong, Reggie?”
“Please don’t do anything stupid.”
Sirius’ smiled at his brother, whose cheeks were red and eyes were desperate.
“I don’t know if that’s possible, given my record,” he laughed to himself, glancing at Regulus, who did not laugh.
Regulus Black looked to be on the verge of tears.
“But since you asked so nicely, I’ll keep my stupidness at bay.”
Regulus’ face changed and a slight smile formed.
Sirius took that as a win and followed his cousins into a room full of scary-looking adults.
Remus recognized Walburga and Orion from seeing them at the Hogwarts Express every year, but everyone else was new.
Sirius and Regulus stuck together. Like, literally. Regulus hugged his brother’s arm as they walked across the room and greeted who Remus assumed were relatives.
“Sirius, Regulus, come here.” Walburga’s icy voice captured the boys’ attention. They scurried over to her with practiced smiles and perfect posture. It was strange, thinking that Sirius had grown up so posh- he certainly never acted like it.
“Yes, Mother?” Sirius’ voice sounded very, very forced. Remus didn’t like it.
Walburga had been speaking to a tall, blonde young man. Remus thought he looked like a lightbulb.
“This is Lucious Malfoy. He’s in his sixth year at Hogwarts, Slytherin, of course.”
Sirius introduced himself and Regulus, who looked queasy. Lucius examined both children with a judgmental expression.
“Whats the matter with the little one? Is he a mute?” Malfoy asked in an incredibly rude tone. Remus shivered as Sirius began to glare.
His anxiety worsened when Sirius opened his mouth to speak.
“He gets nervous around bleached knobs, I’m afraid. Unless your all natural-“ Sirius cut off by a hand to his mouth. Remus was horrified- how could Sirius be such an idiot? Lucius Malfoy’s face had gone red with anger; his fist clenched as though he would strike Sirius.
“Sirius Orion Black, you will apologize to Lord Malfoy immediately.” Walburga hissed before removing her hand from her son’s mouth.
“It was not my intention to ruffle your dress, Lord Malfoy.”
Regulus’ face was a good example of how Remus felt. Sirius didn’t know when to stop, did he?
Walburga’s eye twitched as she apologized profusely,
“I apologize, my lord! Sirius is a troubled child, we have been working on his behavior, I can assure you.”
“I should hope so!”
“Sirius, meet me in my study. Now.”
Oh no. Nonono.
Sirius nodded and made his way across the room. Regulus was still hugging his arm as they walked- his eyes now wide and glossy.
“Sirius, you said you’d behave,” Regulus spoke in a whisper, voice breaking.
“And let him insult my favorite brother? Nah, never.” Sirius smiled reassuringly. Regulus frowned harder.
Remus was in between emotions. Did he want to scold Sirius for being so rebellious and putting himself in tough
situations? Yes. Did he also want to high-five the hell out of the little bastard? Absolutely.
It was so wonderfully Sirius of him to insult a prick like Malfoy.
The brothers made their way into Walburga’s study, Remus could feel his stomach tightening as they waited for their mother.
“Reggie I need you to go find Andie and stick with her, okay?” Sirius took his arm back from his brother. Regulus struggled, whining at the loss of contact.
“No! I-ill stop Mother, I will!” Regulus was on the verge of tears.
“Reggie, please! We both know you won’t- and I don’t need you to, one terrible son is enough to keep Mother occupied.” Sirius was desperate as he shook Regulus. The two stared at each other desperately.
Regulus eventually nodded and left the room- not without a prologued look of fear exchanged with his older brother.
When the door finally shut and Regulus had officially gone, Sirius’ face turned solemn.
Remus was surprised. He’d expected Sirius to keep up the jester act. Remus supposed he was foolish for thinking an eight-year-old could keep up such an act against his own family.
The door creaked open and Walburga crept in. As soon as she saw Sirius across the room, she nearly ran to him.
Sirius’ face immediately morphed back into his cheeky smirk.
“Mother, I’m delighted to meet with you-“
Slap.
Walburga struck her son across the face. The worst part was that Sirius didn’t even look surprised.
“What is wrong with you, Sirius? That Malfoy is a potential suitor for Andromeda, we were meant to leave a good impression on him!”
“Oh please, Andie wouldn’t touch him with a forty-foot pole!”
“Do not speak in such an improper way! You are the Black heir, act like it!”
“I’d act like it if that ugly peacock wouldn’t have insulted my brother!”
“You insulted our family!”
“Good! I hate you and I hate this stupid family-“
“Diffindo!”
A force hit Sirius, knocking him to the ground. Blood immediately pooled out of his chest.
Remus could scream. Whatever he’d just witnessed was certainly a sin.
Walburga cast a silencing charm as soon as her eldest started to cry. She kicked him on his back and used the spell twice more.
After her final Diffindo was cast, Walburga healed the wound as best she could. Sirius’ clothes had been severely torn, revealing his mangled back. Walburga’s healing could only do so much, two faint purple gashes along his back and one along his chest remained.
Remus was horrified. How could anyone be so cruel to their own child? And why did Sirius provoke her so much? Was this why Sirius never talked about his family?
His train of thought was interrupted when Walburga grabbed Sirius’ arm. He looked ready to faint, eyes puffy and dopey.
“Portez-vous avec élégance, Sirius.”
“Je fais de mon mieux, mère. Diffendo ne se sent pas bien.”
Remus recognized French. He knew Sirius had been fluent, it was a bit obvious from the accent that slipped out on certain words. When asked about it Sirius grew uncomfortable, so Remus never did.
The mother and son walked back into the living room full of relatives. Remus wondered why all of them were there. What was the timeline?
Sirius spotted Regulus and abandoned his mother. Andromeda met him halfway.
“Peanut, what happened? Regulus said you were insulting that Malfoy git in front of Auntie.”
Sirius nodded and dismissed her, running to Regulus. Regulus threw himself on Sirius the moment he saw him. Sirius winced in pain but didn’t let that stop him from holding his brother.
“Did she..?”
“Nah, I talked her out of it.”
“Good.”
Sirius was lying. Lying protected his brother.
They hugged for precious seconds before Andromeda ripped Sirius off his brother. Sirius winced again, this time not going unnoticed.
“Excuse me, you are not allowed to ignore me like that! Now tell me what happened, Peanut.”
“I- He- Lucious, he insulted Reggie so I, erm, told him he looked like a bleached knob..” Sirius muttered, cheeks turning red with shame. Andromeda muttered under her breath and rubbed her temples.
“You’re an idiot, y’know that! And I’m very, very mad at you,” She took a breath and patted his back gently so she didn’t hurt the sore spots. Sirius’ face went glum at the scolding.
“But-“
“But?”
“But! I’m proud of you for standing up for your brother.”
Sirius’ face lit back up. He smiled brighter than any child Remus had ever seen. He let go of his brother to hug his cousin.
Andromeda smiled back and gently messed with his hair as he buried his face into her robes.
Regulus glared sourly, his jealousy clear. Remus found it funny how clingy the younger Black was. Current Regulus would’ve died rather than go near his brother- well, not anymore. They had reconnected, Remus remembered.
The night seemed to fast forward, people moved in two times the speed normal humans would until they were saying their goodbyes. Remus guessed that this gathering was Christmas dinner from the snippet of the family sitting at a large table with- questionable food choices.
Once the house was nearly empty, Sirius pulled Regulus up the stairs and into a large room with a large bed. There were no personalizations, no toys, no colors other than black and green. It was a very strange aesthetic, far too bleak for Remus’ liking.
“Wasn’t tonight dreadful, Reggie?” Sirius complained with a moan. Regulus stayed quiet, and Remus wondered why.
“I mean- seeing Andie and Cissa was nice, of course. Not really Bella, did you hear her tell me I was her least favorite? Ghastly girl, that one!”
Sirius’ rambling attempts to get his brother to talk made Remus want to laugh but also cry. He couldn’t explain why if you’d asked.
Sirius stared at Regulus, whose lip had begun quivering.
“Sirius, I saw you flinch. I know Mother hurt you again.”
Sirius went pale.
“Reggie, it’s okay! It didn’t hurt that bad, anyways.”
“Stop lying! Please, Sirius, I was- I was really scared.”
“Regulus..”
“I don’t want you to rebel against Mother anymore. I can’t take it, Sirius!”
Remus was again impressed by the maturity of such a young child.
Regulus had begun to cry, for a sit second Sirius looked panicked. Remus expected Sirius to freak out or start crying or yell at Regulus.
He had not expected Sirius to pull his brother under the large bed, turn on a torch that had been hidden under it, and hold out a small box.
Regulus, still sobbing, opened it and found a collection of trinkets. Looking confused, Regulus picked one up. A raggedy crochet black cat.
“I’ve been keeping treasures in here for a while; stuff Mother wouldn’t ever let me keep.”
Regulus’ tears stopped, and he looked at his brother eagerly.
“You like the cat? Keep it- just don’t let Mother see or she’ll toss it.”
“Why?”
Sirius grinned, the light of the torch outlined his face. Remus had to admit he was an adorable little kid.
“Because they made me brave,”
Sirius took his brother’s hands, the cat falling into Regulus’ lap.
“That probably sounds weird, but really- knowing I had this little box all to myself made me feel better about breaking rules! I know you aren’t gonna, but I want you to remember that even when I’m in trouble, I am brave. And so are you, Reggie.”
Regulus smiled big and pulled his brother into a hug. An unexpected tear fell from Sirius’ cheek, but he wiped it before Regulus could notice.
Remus felt his heart explode. Watching them like this made him feel like an intruder.
Then it hit.
He was an intruder. He wasn’t meant to see this.
And for the first time since the memories began, Remus felt regret.