LUMINESCENCE

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

  Sirius wasn’t sure he liked this. It was dark, and the soft wind made him hug himself to protect his bare arms from the cold. The moon was full, at least.

  It was exactly 10:30 when they all got around the bonfire. The teachers’ cabin was just a couple feet away from them, and it’d be scarily easy for them to get caught. Fuck, James is so stupid.

  Freighthen ran through Sirius’ body. His head turning around to make sure no one was watching them.

  Shacklebolt and James stood next to each other, Lily in front of them as she quietly whispered, “I’ll count to five, alright? Don’t make any loud noises. Even if you win.”

  “Yeah, I’m not sure I wanna get detention right before graduating,” Mary raged, arms folded as Marlene leaned against her to get some human warmth.

  For a nearly summer season, this night was ice-cold.

  “Just get on with it,” Fabian pleads.

  “Okay,” Lily hisses, and counts down to five. Shacklebolt and James speed into the woods, and then, they’re all alone, waiting.

  Lupin is sitting by the bonfire, hands interlocked and elbows resting on his knees. He’s wearing the same wool cardigan he did back on Monday.

  “They’re gonna take a while,” Lily whispers, walking to Remus’ side, making a place next to him.

  “This is uncomfortable,” Fabian admits, “We’re gonna get caught.”

  “Don’t be pessimistic,” Peter grunts, “Let’s just get over with this petty challenge.”

  “I’m gonna actually murder James for this,” Sirius says, holding himself tighter.

  “You were the one encouraging him, prat.”

  “Oh, c’mon, Marls. I didn’t know he would want to do it at night.”

  “I hate men, have I said that before?” Emmeline crooks her head, “Like, honestly. You guys have the worst ideas ever!”

  “Please.”

  They sit in silence. One minute goes by, and there’s no sign of Shacklebolt or James on the opposite side they had started off. Two minutes. Three minutes, and everyone is panicking.

  “D’you reckon they died?!” Peter whines, pacing back and forth in a line.

  “The camp is huge, they’ll show up eventually,” Lily reassures.

  “What if they got lost?” Gideon puts the question on the table, and everyone blinks at him.

  They hadn’t visited the woods much. All they knew was that it surrounded the camp, and that they couldn’t go much further into it for safety purposes.

  Fuck. What if they lost track of their path?

  “No,” Amelia states, “they’re fine. Lily’s right, it’s a big camp. They’ll show up.”

  Two more minutes and things are yet the same.

  “I can’t do this anymore,” Sirius steps forward, “I’m going to look for them.”

  “Have you lost the plot?!” Peter manages to keep his voice low, “It’s dark. You could get lost too.”

  “What if I don’t? What if James fell and lost his glasses, Pete?!”

  The boy opens and closes his mouth, grunting against his hands.

  “This was an awful idea,” Mary breaks the silence, “I’m calling Hagrid.”

  “No!” Marlene holds her arm, and she stills, gazing at the shorter girl, “Please, Mary. I can’t get into trouble for this.”

  Mary sucks her cheeks in, “So what do we do?”

  “We’ll separate in duos,” Fabian orders, “I’ll stay with Lily, Petey can go with Gid. Mary and Marls, you stick together. Remus, do you mind staying with Sirius?”

  Lupin finally lifts his head, nodding thoughtfully, “Of course not,” he speaks for the first time since they got there.

  “Okay, Amy, Emme. Stay here in case any of them show up, or maybe a teacher or something. Just… keep an eye. If any of us disappears, call Pomfrey.”

  “Noted,” Emmeline nods.

  Sirius doesn’t wait any longer before walking into fast steps into the forest. He hears Lupin following him, attempting to keep up with the pace. His hands are comfortably warming his arms, but his skin is still sharp in goosebumps. His heart races inside of him as soon as he finds himself surrounded by trees.

  It’s pure silence. The river and the wind are the only things to be caught in the air, apart from their feet crashing sticks and dry leaves.

  “Do you want my cardigan?” Lupin asks, and Sirius turns his head, dazed.

  “Mm,” he takes a look at it. It’s oversized on Lupin, so Sirius can’t imagine how it’d look on him. It’s old, and he reckons it smells like a mix of dust and perfume. He shakes his shoulders, “I’m fine.”

  An unhumourous laugh echoes through the woods, “Of course, because Sirius Black only wears clothes that cost a manor.”

  It’s a mutter, probably not even meant for Sirius to hear, yet, he does. He stills on his path, and snaps his head back, jaw dropping carefully.

  “Are you fucking with me?!”

  “What?!”

  “Our friends are missing and you’re actually more concerned about the price of my clothes?”

  Lupin sighs in frustration, rolling his eyes back, “You’re clearly freezing and I’m offering you something to keep you warm, wanker.”

  “It’s cold for you too.”

  “I don’t mind.”

  “I’m fine, Lupin,” he mumbles, and turns around once again. There’s no more chatting for a couple minutes. The paths they cross are far too similar, and Sirius tries his best to keep surrounding the camp instead of walking even farther into the forest, “It was not because of the price, y’know?” 

  “Mm?”

  “Your cardigan,” he clarifies, “It’s just because it’ll be way too big on me, your hands are basically hidden by the sleeve.”

  “Won’t that be good, though? To keep you warm?”

  Sirius shrugs, “It’s ugly, too,” Lupin laughs, and Sirius looks to the floor to hide his smile, “I’m worried about them,” he then confesses, “I shouldn’t have made James agree to this. It’s dark, and it was obvious that he’d end up tripping and injuring himself.”

  “He’s okay,” Lupin reassures, voice shaken nonetheless, “They probably just got tired of running and are catching their breaths.”

  Sirius hums, and then, silence takes over another time.

  After a while of walking and putting all of their attention on their surroundings, in case either James or Shacklebolt show up, Sirius starts feeling tired. His walking decreases its pace, and he focuses his eyes on something that looks like a cabin — or at least just a wall made of wood.

  “I think we’re still close to the camp,” he mumbles, and Lupin’s only reply is a shaky hum. He looks over his shoulder to find Lupin’s eyes in complete frighten. His hands are hidden in his pockets, and his chest is frantic as he looks around to the bushes, “You alright?”

  Lupin lifts his head in a quick motion, eyes wide as he nods, “Totally.”

  Sirius presses his eyebrows together, far from believing his word. Still, he doesn’t press it, and looks forward as he paces towards the cabin in hopes to find his way back to camp.

  Then, in a sudden movement, he’s hearing a loud ‘bang’, and Remus cursing something inaudible. Sirius jumps back, and stares at the boy. He’s on the floor, one leg spread down and the other up. His upper body is being supported by his left hand and right elbow as he pants, eyes locked on a bush in front of him. Sirius doesn’t waste time before running towards him.

  “Shit, are you okay?” he asks, holding his jaw to make Lupin look at him. His pupils are consuming almost all of his eyes, and Sirius starts quickly glancing over his body in search of any scratches.

  “Yes, yes. I’m sorry. I just heard something– I– I thought…” he doesn’t finish, and when Sirius returns to his eyes, Lupin is gulping and looking away.

  “It was probably just a rat or something. It’s okay, Remus.”

  Lupin’s eyes turn to Sirius in a fast motion as he blinks dazzlingly. That’s when Sirius realises he had called him Remus and not Lupin.

  “I’m sorry,” he just says, and Sirius nods.

  “Are you hurt?” he asks, squeezing his shoulders.

  “No,” he shakes his head, sitting up, “No, I’m good. Just a scare.”

  Lupin then stands up by himself, shaking the dirt off his clothes and resuming his path. Sirius follows him with his eyes, and pushes the concerns away before getting back on his feet, too.

  This place was creepy, Sirius couldn’t blame Lupin for his reaction.

  He’s now behind Lupin, whose steps are extremely quick and loud. His legs are sore from the effort, but Sirius doesn’t dare stop, “Should we call for them?” he asks, but Lupin doesn’t answer, “James!” he tries, “Kingsley!” nothing. It was useless. All he would get was the teachers’ attention.

  Sirius focuses on the floor, kicking some sticks as his body temperature starts increasing, both for the proper scare Lupin gave him back there, and for the concern he had inside his chest. 

  “Fuck!” Lupin hisses again, “Fuck. Shit– shit.”

  He lifts his head, watching how the boy tries to maintain his balance, hand groping the air behind him as he takes large steps back. Sirius rushes towards him, holding his arms.

  “Oi! What’s wrong with you?!” it sounds harsh, angry even, but Sirius holds Lupin’s shoulders still, trying to get him to look at him. Lupin, though, just gasps for air as he looks at the empty forest.

  “Did you– did you hear that?” he stutters.

  “What?! No! There’s nothing there. Lupin, c’mon, look at me. What’s gotten into you?”

  “I heard– there’s–” he looks down, pointing forward as he shares looks between Sirius and the bushes and trees, “I swear I heard– there’s something here. I swear.”

  “Remus,” he cups his jaw, forcing eye contact, “Remus, you’re okay. There’s nothing here. We’re alone.”

  He shakes his head slowly, “No–”

  “Remus,” he exhales, “What’s wrong?”

  “Just–” he swallows down his saliva, and looks away, “I want to get out of here. I don’t like this place.”

  Sirius nods, “Yes. Yes, we’re working on it. Let’s get out of here, yeah?”

  Remus licks his lips, and allows Sirius to interlock their arms as they walk away. He catches the taller boy looking back, never stilling his look nor his breath.

    He doesn’t understand. But on the other hand, they are in the middle of the woods, during the night, just after two of their friends disappeared in a stupid race. So yeah, that’s a good enough reason to be scared shitless.

  Yet, there is more to it. The way Remus’ eyes are pure frighten, and how his body shakes horrifically. His breath can be heard, and Sirius knows that if he lets go of his arm, Remus will stay in his place, looking around for potential harm instead of avoiding it.

  When they reach the cabin, he isn’t shaking so hard anymore. Sirius doesn’t dare speak, anyway.

  “Can we… Can we stop?” his voice is dragged by a thread, and Sirius nods.

  “Of course.”

  Remus reaches his hand, resting it against the cabin’s wall before he’s letting his forehead hit it. Sirius blinks, and approaches him with his quiet questions.

  “Do you feel better?” Remus nods, “Do you need anything?” he shakes his head, “Okay…”

  He leans against the wall next to Remus, preventing himself from looking to the side every now and then; but when Remus is turning around, eyes closed as he lets his body slide down, Sirius is frowning at him.

  He looks tired as he pulls his knees up, resting his head between his arms stretched on top of it. Sirius follows him, sitting carefully.

  “I–” he begins, and Sirius doesn’t interrupt, “These sorts of places are a sensitive topic to me.”

  He’s not sure if he is allowed to ask the reason, but he still does, “Why?”

  “I was…” a sigh, and Remus is throwing his head back. Eyes still closed, “When I was a child, I was–” Sirius doesn’t press him, instead, he waits. Remus blinks softly, locking his eyes with Sirius, “I was attacked. By a wolf. It was dark, just like it is tonight. And– well, I separated myself from my father because I saw a little bird and decided to follow it,” there’s a laugh, but Sirius knows it’s not because it’s funny, “I guess I didn’t know there were wild animals in that forest. It wasn’t near my home. I was on a trip. My father took me with him because my mother was visiting my nan, and I was too little to stay by myself back at home,” he takes a deep breath, and Sirius feels his heart shrink in his throat, “Um— so yeah. I don’t remember a lot, I guess my brain blocked a good part of it, or maybe I passed out or something.” He points to his own head, and then he’s detaching his eyes from Sirius. Silence settles for a moment, and when Sirius thinks he’s finished, Remus resumes his story, “I didn’t see the wolf jumping from the bushes. I was lucky it wasn’t a pack of them, though. Anyway, I didn’t have time to call for my father because he heard my screams immediately. I was sent to the hospital and, genuinely, it was a miracle I even survived. I was very wounded. Very. I stayed there for a week, and then went home, completely bandaged. I thought my face would never go back to normal — but here I am, ain’t I? Looking like a fucking scarred freak, but alive.”

  Sirius reaches for Remus’ wrist before he could even think about it. The melancholic laugh sending blood up to Sirius’ brain, “You’re not a ‘scarred freak’, Remus.”

  Remus glances at him, glossy eyes, “I’m not exactly normal, am I? I have permanent scars all over my body.”

  “Okay,” Sirius shrugs, “They’re beautiful.”

  Remus cackles, “Sure, Sirius.”

  “Remus.”

  “It’s okay,” he says, “I’ve heard people talk about how good looking I am, even with the scars. Or how I’d be gorgeous if my scars weren’t so visible, so deep…”

  “Fuck that,” he shakes his wrist, heart shaking in a desperate attempt of making Remus see that he was beautiful, because he was, “I think your scars are bloody amazing, and they make you look like a badass!”

  “A badass.” Remus rests his head against the wall, laughing. Sirius allows himself to smile too, shifting closer to him.

  “Yes. Honestly, you’d lose all your essence without them. Can’t even imagine a Remus Lupin without his gorgeous scars.”

  “You’re an arsehole,” Remus rolls his eyes, smiling.

  “I’m serious,” he chuckles, but then, his face is falling again, heart sinking, “I’m sorry, Remus. About what people say, and about what happened to you.”

  The boy shrugs, “After more than a decade dealing with it, you start to accept life for what it is.”

  “I just want you to know you’re handsome,” he admits, “and that your scars are a part of it. You’re beautiful with the scars, and you’d be pretty without them, too. You’re beautiful because you’re you. And your scars are you.”

  “Part of my story or some shit like that,” he mumbles, kicking a little rock resting against the edge of his foot.

  “Exactly.”

  Even if Remus was not looking at him anymore, Sirius didn’t drift his eyes away, nor his hand. He observed him quietly as the boy took some time for himself, before speaking, “I’m sorry for making a scene.”

  Sirius frowns, “Shut up. I’m the one who should be apologising for taking you into a forest.”

  He sees Remus’ lips curving up, “You didn’t know,” he drags his voice.

  “It was still a prick move.” He finally lets his body sink away from Remus, missing the feeling of his wrist around his hand once it’s gone, “Do you feel okay?”

  “Yeah,” he confirms, and looks at Sirius. His eyes didn’t look frightened anymore, nor were they at the verge of dropping tears. They were soft, although sharp in something Sirius couldn’t read, “Let’s get the shit out of here.”

  He giggles, and stretches his hand to Remus once the boy is standing. He pulls him up, and then, Sirius has to lift his head in order to keep the eye contact — he wasn’t short. Remus was just taller; but he was okay with that.

  “Can I borrow your cardigan now?”

  There’s a moment of confusion in Remus’ face, before he’s taking off the cardigan in a warm smile.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

  “This place is creeping the shit out of me,” Marlene hisses as she walks side by side with Mary.

  The taller girl looks around, “If we don’t find King and James, I can start saying goodbye to med school and get used to the sight of myself in an orange suit.”

  Marlene blinks at the other, incredulous. A smile grows slowly on her lips before she’s chuckling. Mary’s head turns around, blinking in confusion.

  “I’m– I’m sorry. You just said that as if it is going to happen.”

  Then, Mary is laughing too, “It is,” she presses, “We will all get arrested for second degree murder!”

  “Mary!” Marlene opens her arm, resting it against Mary’s chest to stop her from walking, and stands in front of her, “They’re not dead,” her hands hold her shoulders, “I’m sure they either found their way back to camp or someone found them by now.”

  “I wouldn’t be so sure,” the girl shrugs, “Someone would be looking for us.”

  “Why’s that? Do you think we’re lost?”

  They’re not lost. Actually, they’re pretty much close to camp, considering the space between the trees on their left, and the path they’ve been taking. Marlene’s memory wouldn’t betray her if they turned around and tried to find their way back to the bonfire. 

  “Fabian said that if any of us disappeared, they’d call Pomfrey. We’ve been walking for quite a while, haven’t we?”

  “Mmm, maybe 15 minutes.”

  Mary grunts, “Lord, I swear I’m never letting King get his pride up.”

  They’re resuming their lazy walk, barely even looking for anyone.

  “Men are stupid,” Mary nods in agreement, “But, spending time with me isn’t that bad, is it?”

  It’s a genuine question, because Marlene doesn’t know. For the little she knows about Mary MacDonald nowadays, she knows that a trait she shares with Gideon Prewett is how easily annoyed they are. And now, Mary’s sighs told Marlene she was annoyed.

  “What?! No,” her voice cracks, and then, she’s meeting Marlene’s gaze, and her tone softens, “no. I’m just mad that King flips his crush for James around into teasing him, and then drags us around because he doesn’t have the bollocks to be alone with Potter.”

  Marlene’s body stops for short seconds before she’s blinking. Mary was rambling so fast, she probably didn’t even notice what she had said. It wasn’t a surprise, truly. Marlene had always thought Kingsley and James’ hatred for each other was sort of homoerotic tension.

  She giggles, and Mary stops in realisation, hands flying to her mouth, “Shit. Forget I said that. Oh my God. I did not say that. Don’t tell anyone or Kingsley will drown me in the lake and bury my body in this exact spot we’re stepping in.”

  Marlene throws her head back, and chuckles loudly, “Relax, Mary. It’s okay. I won’t say anything.”

  “It just… left my mouth,” she’s smiling too, then.

  “I promise no one will ever dream that I am aware of this information.”

  “Promise?”

  “Pinky promise,” she raises her finger, and Mary interlocks it with hers.

  “Thanks.”

  There is silence as they walk, and walk. Marlene looks over her shoulder. They should start going back. Time is going by, and the more time they spend wandering around the woods, the more their friends would freak out; and Marlene wanted to avoid any of the professors knowing about this, especially if no one is really dead.

  She opens her mouth, but then, when she looks at Mary under the moonlight, courage runs out of her body. She’s quiet, distracted by the stars hanging over their heads — her skin glowing and her hair framing her face just perfectly.

  Marlene sucks her cheek, biting onto it. It was stupid. These thoughts were stupid, because her and Mary weren’t the friends they were back in 8th grade. They’re different people, part of different friend groups. Mary wasn’t the girl Marlene had fallen for anymore — and that’s not a bad thing, it just means they’ve grown as people.

  However, these days sharing a cabin, and spending more time together puzzled things together, because Mary was still the same Mary in some ways. And even when she wasn’t Mary, Marlene liked her the same.

  “What?” the girl laughs shyly, and Marlene realises she has been staring.

  “Nothing,” she shakes her head, looking at her feet.

  “You can talk to me, y’know? About what’s going through your little mind of yours,” her voice high, yet calming and sweet.

  Marlene looks up carefully, and takes a deep breath before confessing, “Just think you’re really pretty tonight.”

  Mary’s eyebrows spasm, and a smile paints itself on her lips. Her cheeks grow warm as she giggles, unsure of what to say.

  “You look quite fascinating yourself,” Marlene feels herself blushing at the choice of words, and rolls her eyes.

  “Shove off,” she laughs, and starts walking.

   Mary is quick to hold her arm, laughing, “I mean it! You look fascinating,” their eyes meet, and the laughter ceases to give space to comfortable, quiet smiles, “You always do. I’ve always thought that ever since we were kids.”

  Something in the air changes, and Marlene finds herself blinking slowly, her eyes hazy as the landscaping unfocus itself, giving space only for Mary and the way she was looking at her.

  They shift closer without thinking much, “Have you?” she asks quietly, like a whisper fading into the night wind.

  Mary only nods, before softly towering down to capture Marlene’s lips. She wasn’t much taller, but it’d be uncomfortable for their lips to lock if Mary didn’t bend just a little bit. Marlene’s arms are thrown around Mary’s neck, unsure of what this even meant.

  It wasn’t like they hadn’t kissed before — but this was different. It wasn’t a peck shared by two curious little girls. It was a caring press of lips, slowly turning into a desperate, yet caring kiss. They lean forward at the same time, moving their bodies accordingly, and then, Marlene feels her body being pressed against a tree.

  She opens her lips, sucking a bit of air in before resuming the kiss.

  She doesn’t feel time go by. It’s just Mary. Mary and her lips. Mary and her hands. Mary and her warmth. Mary. Mary. Mary. Mary.

  Eventually, she hears, “We should return to our friends.”

  Marlene nods, eyes closed and dizzy. A smile spreads across her face, “Yeah,” one more kiss as she opens her eyes, “Let’s go.”

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

  When Sirius and Remus reach the bonfire, everyone is there. Or, well. Almost everyone. Marlene and Mary are nowhere to be found, but at least James and Kingsley were there sitting on different tree trunks and no injuries visible.

  Lily has her arms crossed, and Peter is pulling his hair nervously. When Fabian notices their presence, he’s running into their direction, “Are you okay?!”

  “Yes, yes. Don’t worry. We got tired there for a bit, but nothing happened,” Sirius reassures, looking over the boy’s shoulder to watch how James stared at the floor, “Are they okay?”

  Fabian looks over to the boys embarrassingly sitting a few feet away from them. Lily staring at both like she’d rip their tongues off if they dared speak.

  “Uh– yeah,” his eyes are on him and Remus again, “They said they got into a fight, and ended up getting lost a little, but it’s okay. They didn’t get themselves hurt or anything. Me and Lils bumped into them walking around, and brought them back to the bonfire. Gid and Pete were already here. They gave up on searching. Gideon was too nervous and she was stressing Pete out, so…”

  Sirius blinks, trying to process the information. James and Kingsley did get lost, but not because they tripped, or accidentally got themselves hurt — no, they got lost because they decided fighting was more important than taking the challenge smoothly and returning to the bonfire as initially planned.

  Sirius doesn’t say anything before crossing his arms, the wool of Remus’ cardigan feeling comfortable against his hands. He walks in harsh steps towards James, standing next to Lily, just as angry.

  “This is exactly why you can’t be left alone with each other,” Sirius says, and both Kingsley and James are looking at him. 

  “Pads—”

  “No. James,” he raises his hand, stopping any further interruptions, “You gave us a heart attack! What on earth was going on inside your small little bean brains?” he shakes his pointer between the boys.

  “He was pushing me,” Kingsley states, and James rolls his eyes.

  “Because you were trying to make me fall.”

  “That wouldn’t have happened if you–”

  “Code red!” Emmeline hisses, trying to keep her voice low, “Code red, code red! Run.”

  Sirius hasn’t time to process anything correctly before he’s grabbing James by his hand, heart beating against his rib cage as he starts running towards his cabin. James manages to keep up with his pace, and although Sirius feels like making sure Remus is behind him, he doesn’t. 

  “What about Marls and Mary?” James asks.

  “I don’t fucking know!” They run up the small stairs, and Sirius holds the door open as James gets in, then Gideon and Peter. Remus is right behind, jogging softly as if he couldn’t get a detention for being caught outside, “Go, go!” he orders, and Remus speeds up inside the cabin.

  Sirius closes the door with his back, and sighs, exhausted.

  “Do you think we were caught?” Gideon asks, out of breath.

  “Not us, at least.”

  “What’d you mean by that?” James turns his head at Peter while Sirius turns the lights on.

  “I mean that Emmeline’s cabin is close to the teachers’ cabin, so if she decided to go there, she was most definitely caught.”

  Sirius presses his eyes shut, “Fuck. Fuck, why did we even do this?!”

  “It was your idea,” James accuses.

  “Mine?! I just told you to race with Shacklebolt not to do it during the night, in the middle of the woods!”

  “Oi!” Remus shuts them down. Sirius’ eyes shift to him, recognising the same annoyed look that he had on when he fought with Gideon over the sleeping bag, “What’s done it’s done. I’m sure no one was caught. Now, let’s go to sleep or neither of us will be waking up by 7.”

  Sirius blinks away, and takes Remus’ cardigan off, gently handing it to him. His expression softens, and he grabs it for himself.

  “I’ll kick your ass tomorrow,” Sirius whispers to James.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

  Needless to say Sirius couldn’t keep his eyes shut long enough to fall asleep. His body felt dirty from the wind, and the contact he had with the forest; the sweat that collected on his forehead once he was running… and, his head couldn’t stop going back to Remus and his words.

  In the quiet of the night, he imagines him as a small, innocent boy that just wanted to have fun, just wanted to make a new friend, and instead, almost got his life stolen from him. His heart aches at the picture of a small child covered in bandages, believing he’ll never look normal. And then, he’s thinking about how Remus still doesn’t feel normal.

  He turns around. The bed making the movement heard. He blinks, and carefully looks at Remus in the middle of the beds. His body is facing Sirius. Right hand under the pillow, and left hand resting against his lips. He watches how his golden skin shines in the moonlight, and realises that’s the best light for him — the Moon. Sure, Remus looked gorgeous when the Sun was making his hazel eyes border the green; but under the moonlight, that’s when he looked peaceful, as if he was born to live during the nights of full moon.

  Sirius gulps at the thought, and turns around once more, facing the wall. No.

  He next makes himself remember how Remus took away a title that he fought harshly for — but then again, school is ending. Does that even matter now?

  He stole Lily from him, and now he’s getting the rest of his friends, too — but then he’s back at the lake, and he doesn’t feel like Lily or anyone pushed him away in any form.

  Remus doesn’t like him — but he shared his past with him.

  Sirius doesn’t like him — but he desperately wants to change bodies with Remus so he can see how beautiful he actually is.

  Sirius is sick of everyone talking about how brilliant Remus is — but he now sees why they say that, though.

  Thoughts come and go, war setting in his mind as Sirius rips the pillow under his head, and presses it against his face, internally yelling at him to fall asleep. His stomach flipping around and muscles tensing at the urge to scream.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆