Chapter 07
From:[email protected]
Subject: Overblown with bliss
Dear R,
I got it right!!!!! I must say I’m happy to have guessed that you’re a botanist. But now I’m even more curious to know what kind of project you’re working on. If I give you a hint about my job, will you give me a hint about your project?
And okay, yes, bossy is the word.
I’m so glad you loved the pictures, I took them just for you.
You said you like everything about me, what you know and what you’re yet to discover, and I wanted so badly to say something equally meaningful, but all I can do is smile while reading your words. You have no idea what they mean to me, R. I hold them so close to my heart. So, I’ll settle for saying that I like everything about you too, and I can’t wait to learn more.
And I understand what you said about meaning. Maybe things already have meaning on their own, but we only realize it when someone shines a light on them in a different way. And you do that all the time, R.
About the flowers... I wish I could see your smile when you saw them. I think about that, you know? Your smile, I mean. And if you smiled like an idiot when you saw the pictures, I smiled like an idiot thinking of you like that, happy, so let me borrow your words and ask you to allow myself to be selfish for a moment because I kept thinking that you smiled because of me and I like the feeling. A lot.
And yes, all of this has a bit of a teenage story vibe, doesn’t it? It feels like something I could have read on a rainy afternoon after school, immersed in words inside the library near my school. I think that’s the best part of all this, not in the sense of being naive or fleeting, but in carrying that wonderful intensity of something new, unexpected. You say I bring back a part of you that you didn’t even know you had lost, and it makes me wonder if we’re not doing the same for each other. Because I feel different too, ever since we started exchanging these emails.
About your friend reading cards... something tells me that if she read them again, she’d find something saying that I want to make you smile even more times.
But I’m glad you shared this with your friends too. I think from the beginning we both knew this was already something bigger than it seemed.
Admirable. Wow. I don’t think I’ve ever seen myself as an admirable person. I mean, I think I’m a pretty cool person, to be honest, but admirable... I never thought of myself that way. But coming from you, surprisingly, the thought doesn’t seem so strange.
And if you say the sweetest words are the truest, it’s because they come from you. You don’t just have the sweetest words, you have a kind soul, R. I can feel it in every word you write to me.
I read all your words carefully, with the same care I know you put into each one of them. Sometimes, I feel like they’re a hug, a gentle comfort. Thank you for being so wonderful to me, R. I still can’t believe my luck, the luck of you having found that book.
You’re right, words can’t erase pain, not completely. However, they can serve as a balm for the soul. I know I’m not a burden, not really, even though my mind still tries to trick me now and then, but thank you for affirming it.
We can’t change what comes from others, it’s not up to us, even though we try. And I tried, more than I should have, if I should have tried at all. I will never be able to erase what happened, but what I can do is give that little girl, little A, a future where her feelings matter.
Today, I find comfort in the idea that there are people who choose to stay. You are one of those people. Thank you for seeing me, R.
Also, thank you for being happy about the recognition I received at work. Here’s my hint for you: I work with books, yes, but not only books. Actually, I’d say texts is the more correct word. I work with other people’s words. Any guesses?
And, R? No matter who I talk to, I’ll always be eager to write to you.
R!!! I can’t stop imagining you dressed as a dinosaur. That’s the cutest thing in the world. I hope your niece has a wonderful birthday and an amazing party. I’m glad you managed to fix your costume and that your sister doesn’t have to kill you.
And now, speaking of siblings, tell me about yours. What was it like being the youngest? Did they tease you a lot, or were you, like, their little protected one?
Please tell me how the party went. Are any of your siblings dressing as dinosaurs too, or is this mission exclusively yours? I’ll be waiting eagerly to know.
And I must say your costume is amazing, but be careful, they might mistake you for a real dinosaur.
As for my weekend, I think I’ll walk around the city, maybe go to a museum. There’s so much beauty here. I’ll share it with you.
I have a new song for you, if I may. When you have time, listen to "There Must Be an Angel" by Eurythmics.
Enjoy your day, R. I’ll be here, carrying you with me.
A.
P.S. Unfortunately, I don’t feel like I’m missing out by not wanting to know a tarantula, R, I’m really sorry. And about Señor Scratchy, I loved it!!! Now, who gets the name? Whoever adopts a pet first? I’m ready to fight for it.
P.P.S. I’m sure it must go perfectly with your first name. Althea is a beautiful name, and I’m sure your first name is too. Cinnamon-colored eyes... I don’t know how to explain it, but I found it a beautiful way to describe someone’s eyes. I bet your eyes are beautiful, R, just like the rest of you. As for mine, they’re blue.
P.P.P.S. I really love Christmas and I usually spend it with my friends. But I must say, I’ve never worn a Christmas sweater. When I was younger, I never had one, and then I grew up, and it didn’t seem that important anymore. But now that you mentioned it, I think I’d like to wear one... maybe next Christmas, who knows. And I understand why Infinity didn’t go out with you on Halloween, she would scare all the kids. But if, in some alternate universe, we met on Halloween, your fake tarantula wouldn’t scare me, I’d just laugh at you and we’d go get candy together.
*
From:[email protected]
Subject: Must be writing to an angel
Dear A,
You really do seem happy about guessing my profession. As for the type of project I’m involved in... here’s my hint: it’s something where nature and the past meet.
A, you make me feel very special with your words. And I feel even more special knowing that I make you smile too. Thank you for holding my words close to your heart, there’s no other place I’d want them to land.
And I must say, A, lately, I feel like my most genuine smiles are all meant for you.
If you want an idea of what my smile looks like, I have a small tooth gap. I used to hate it when I was younger, but now I like it.
Okay, what you said about this feeling like a story you might have found in a book when you were younger got me thinking. Suppose you had found such a book, what kind of ending do you think it would have?
I feel like these emails are leading us somewhere new, where every word brings something to the surface that was once hidden.
And with that, I have to say, you made me blush, and that hasn’t happened in a long time. You said you want to make me smile more often, but I have the impression that you don’t need to put in much effort for that. Just seeing a new email from you is enough to make me smile. Then I read your words, and I smile even more, if that’s even possible. Every question asked and answered, every exchange, every word from you makes me smile. And, if I can be honest, I think I keep waiting for more of this, not in a rush, just enjoying the good feeling of knowing that you’re here.
Any guesses on how many times I used the word smile in this email?
And yes, admirable, A. You are, without a doubt. I'm glad it doesn’t seem strange, because it’s not, it’s just the truth.
But now it’s my turn to be surprised by something because I don’t think anyone has ever told me that I have a kind soul. Actually, I don’t think that’s the kind of thing people often say to each other, which makes it even more special. I liked knowing that you see me that way, and I liked even more that it was you who called me that for the first time.
Feel hugged by me, A. That’s what our words are, after all, a gentle touch for someone we can’t reach yet.
A, I keep wondering. We live in the same city, which makes me think... have we ever crossed paths on the street without realizing it? Have we ever been on the same side of the sidewalk? Or did we cross to opposite sides? Or maybe we stood in line at the same café on a busy morning? I think about this sometimes, and while it’s nice to imagine that we might have been in the same place at the same time, unaware of each other, I also get nervous thinking that if I hadn’t picked up that book that day, I might have never found you.
You would have gone back to New York, maybe writing to someone else, and then we could have walked side by side on the street, or I could have bumped into you and just muttered a "sorry" before moving on while you did the same. And just like that, I would have never known you.
Is that strange? I mean, is it strange to think this way when I’m here, writing to you, knowing for certain that you’ll reply? Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. But either way, I know I can breathe easier because there’s no longer a version of R that doesn’t know A.
What you said is true, we can’t change what comes from others, after all, we can’t control what comes from the outside. But I think we can write new chapters where nothing that was done before has the power to touch us. And that’s what we’re doing here, A. Thank you for allowing me to be part of your new chapters.
I do see you, and I want to keep seeing you.
And now, about your hint regarding your job, my guesses are: editor, translator, or academic researcher? Something like that? I’m excited to find out.
I'm glad to know that you’re always eager to talk to me because I’m always eager to talk to you too. Always.
A, one day I’ll show you a picture of me in this costume. It’s a little itchy, to be honest, but that’s okay, I’m doing it for my niece.
And about my siblings, I have two older brothers who are twins and a sister who is only 16 months older than me. But you know how it is, I was still the youngest, so I was both my sister’s little doll to protect and the target of every prank my brothers could think of.
When I say my parents are eccentric, what I mean is that they’re kind of hippies, you know? You’ll understand when you hear our names... But when we were kids, my parents had this bright orange van that was our "house on wheels" every summer, and we would go camping in a different place each time.
One time, one of my brothers had the idea of creating a treasure hunt. We were camping near a lake, it was all very green around us and very peaceful, just perfect. I was about eight years old, and I remember how excited we all were to play. My parents told us not to go too far, so we started the game.
One of the twins explained the rules, and we all listened carefully. He was going to hide something, give us clues, and whoever found it would be crowned the ruler of the forest. And wow, I really wanted to win. We each drew a weird little map, and of course, I covered mine with flowers instead of arrows. The mission was simple: follow the map, decipher the clues, and find the treasure, which was usually something silly like a handful of shiny stones or an old toy one of us had brought along. But to me, it was as serious as an archaeological expedition.
I remember finding one of the clues stuck to the root of a huge tree, and I was so happy. But then, I heard a noise coming from somewhere in the forest. I tried to convince myself it was just a squirrel or something like that, but my child’s imagination immediately decided it was a terrible monster in the woods.
I ran without looking back, trying to follow the map at the same time. I ended up running in circles and stopping in the same place, then ran in the opposite direction, shouting my siblings’ names. It only took a few minutes before my parents found me with a scraped knee, hiding under a pile of leaves, trying to protect myself from the monster.
When my siblings showed up, I told them what had happened, and the three of them exchanged a look, as if silently communicating. Then suddenly, they went back into the forest, and the few minutes they were gone felt like hours. I told my mom she had to do something, or the monster would get them.
They came back as quickly as they had left, though to me, it felt like forever. They said they had driven the monster away, and that’s what it deserved for scaring their little sister.
My sister made a flower crown with my dad, and I was crowned the queen of the forest for the rest of the trip.
Years later, my mom told me that the monster had actually been a deer, which we saw a few more times while we were there.
But that day, I got a scraped knee and was crowned queen of the forest. I felt invincible, but not because of that, because it was the first time I truly understood what it meant to love my siblings. I mean, of course I loved them before, but at that age, family love is just something automatic. You know you love them because that’s just how things are. But that day, I felt it differently. And when I found out the truth, I loved them even more.
I guess that answers your question.
And no, I will be the only dinosaur tonight because I’m the favorite aunt. But don’t worry, I’ll be careful not to be mistaken for a real dinosaur.
I’ll tell you everything, A. You tell me too if you see any beautiful artwork.
I listened to the song, A. Sometimes, that’s how I feel when I read you. However, it’s as if the angel is writing back to me.
R.
P.S. I can’t believe we’ll have to fight over the rights to a pet name that doesn’t even exist yet. But honestly, since the idea of having a rabbit came from me, I think I have the advantage...
P.P.S. Did you know that blue is my second favorite color? What a coincidence.
P.P.P.S. I can’t believe you’ve never worn a Christmas sweater, A. And there’s no age limit for it, it is important. Promise me one thing: this year, you will definitely wear a Christmas sweater. Buy the ugliest, most ridiculous one you can find, they’re the most special.