Friends
The man said no word, he just stared at her in pure aversion, open wounds dripping blood on the girl. From this star, it was no challenge to figure out how tough the next few years will be. Not like she hadn't expect this, no other treatment was even shown to her, she only known this treatment. Treatment full of cruelty, brutality, high expectations and failure.
She didn't mind, as she grew older she actually imagine that it would be harder for her to get used to normal household, care, she didn't mind because she found no other way to raise her. And Levi Ackermann? He was pure perfection.
Yes, he screamed at Erwin as he heard he'll be the one to take care of her. Yes, for the first month or so he ignored her, leaving her for the loneliness to consume her wholely. Yes, he flinched as he saw her still alive, thinking that with that little of everything, she'll eventually off herself. But what else could she have? What else could she possibly want as Erwin made sure she is well fed and have a place to sleep? There were no other necessities to have, she didn't play with toys like other kids, she didn't have to be occupied by something 24/7, she could stay silent, no movements for years.
Isolation learnt her patience, or that is what she told herself. Truly, isolation brought the first feeling of being much worse than any of them, like she deserves nothing, not even a warm meal.
After that month, Levi's guilt vanished, from angry at the world, explosive and hateful man, he learnt patience as well, he learnt quietness, coldness, he no longer cared about who Annie took from he, he was tired of hate. Nobody ever informed Annie what has happened in that period of time, she never even question the sudden change, as the happiness took over her.
Happiness she didn't show, that came from someone remembering her existence, it made her feel like she deserves a right to breathe again. She was a newborn child crying to take their first breath, she got drunk by it. No matter how horribly she was treated, she gave in, craving attention for someone to register her breathe.
>---
The Scouts were foundated by the Ackermann clan. After years of almost not going to the outside, not exploring the unknown lands, they decided to make a change. It was difficult to find someone brave, or stupid enough, to take the risk, until they find the perfect man, Erwin Smith. He had those ambitions, of unity between the nation, of giving the world to humanity as it was before, it was his secondary dream, but it still counted.
He offered to search for the rest of his squad, explaining that he does not want to cause much trouble for such a historical, important family. Those words worked well on them, complimenting their wealth and print on their society will never get old. Except Ackermanns wouldn't last this long if they were stupid, their eyes were not fully blinded by the commander's sweet words, they sent Levi to make rapports of what is happening in their new military group.
The clan was there since the beginning of the underground era, something around 300 P.A. they gathered and decided upon their existence, their family was always the outstanding one. With the creation of them, came the opposition. By 320 P.A. the Dreyse Clan came, starting rivalry that lasted centuries, and still does.
Ackermanns were always about strength, or at least that is what they told everyone to keep their picture clear. Dreyse were something uncatchable. Luxury, greed... That were all they were for the Ackermanns. Their rivals were just about sweet, pleasing but so empty promises, that is what worked on people. That is why, and how, the two choice system was born.
Every six years happened presidential election, a fight between two families, no other candidates. For most of the history, Dreyse were the one winning, as they told the same story over and over again, judging Ackermanns for a little of not hardwork out into their wealth and showing off how they came from normal, poor family, but ended up like this. Selling tales of becoming whoever you want under stubbornness and ambitious, backing themselves up with statistics of people's richness growing under their influence not Ackermann's.
Cold war, no weapons dragged but tension between two sides of Centre, Paradis's capitol, was heavy for centuries.
People liked the soaking feeling of luxury that came with Dreyse, they hated the military way if living of the Ackermanns. Who would you even fight, why are you acting like Marleyans? They often asked, but no answer came.
The Scouts were their latest, the most successful and had the most support of the masses, it was good for scientific purposes and fed the curiousity of a human beings well. Not to mention how pissed their rivals where at the thought of them taking over the spotlight.
Ackermanns dragged around brutality, force and loyalty like the most expensive purse, in their eyes, the Dreyses had nothing more than those purses.
>---
Levi was not ready to face her, the look at her empty eyes, see the hands of the murdered of his friends. Unfortunately, he had no choice, Erwin's orders were right, if he won't do them, he will be fired from Scouts, have a physical punishment for not doing what clan told him to and, the cherry on top, he will get banished from his own family.
Not like he wanted to be a part of them, his mother, his poor, dead mother, didn't want either. She escaped from them as she met a man from lower classes she fell in love with, they had Levi, sometimes visions of warm household came in his puresr dreams, hunting his miserable life. If only that building was created betterly, if it wouldn't fall, killing his parents, the Ackermanns would come for him.
Kenny wouldn't raise him, wouldn't force him to survive through his training, leaving him at the end and sending him away to the higher ups, giving them the final decision of what to do with the boy. Levi never saw him again, he despised the fact that he left him, mo matter how tough it was with him, they still bonded with each other.
Their cold evenings shared together as Kenny told him fairytales of what is happening over their heads, washing his wounds and cooking easy, but tasty dinner. He missed them, their little talks and hard relationships, because the hard one is better than none.
The higher ups of their family decided, he will be choose as a protector of the Scouts, basically, he will spy on them to make sure they are not doing anything against their foundatiors. That is how he met them, Erwin, Hange, Petra... Isabel...
Their first mission outside was a total disaster, Isabel died as she laughed at the sun, burning her skin for the first time. Levi still remembers trying to save her, blood getting under his fingernails. He moved on, partly, the ghost of her still hunting him but not enough to make it impossible to live...
Then Petra happened, and the only ones he had left were Erwin and Hange, he almost got used to grief by their side. It was easier. They suffered the same path. Hange was more comfortable to be around, she was more honest about everything, acting stupid about everything and being way too interested in the predators of the outside world.
With Erwin he always had mixed feelings. Yes, he trusted him with his life, he allowed him to use it however he likes, preferring to stay loyal to him than to his clan. He loved to hear about his plans than felt unreal, almost stupid. He hated when he crossed boundaries and he didn't know, should he escape? Stay? Tell the higher ups to deal with the problem?
Annie Leonhardt was one of that situation he did not know what to think. He couldn't even look at the girl without wanting to run away, to beg Erwin to give him a new job. Looking at the girl, a killer, monter, as he enjoyed to call her was unstandable for him.
Except, for what was worse for him was when he looked past his anger, and noticed a lost kid, staring at him like their last hope. And he knew he stared at someone like that too, and that it didn't end up well.
>---
He was not a teacher , especially not a good one. When his negativeness became a shadow, he decided to take up the job Erwin gave him, he called the child to the training spots of the Ackermann Mansion. It hurted to be around her, but she looked like she could handle a lot, her young eyes seemed older than they actually were.
Levi had to grow up too fast too...
It didn't matter now, he needs to stop. They stood in front of each other, keeping a safe distant, sand of the little "field" that were called the training spot biting their exposed feet. Levi scanned her, up and down, and he nodded as she gained some weight, making her body look healthy again and she no longer starved herself, as she has no father to set up unreal, beauty standards for her. He appreciated the fact that she can take care of herself.
"Have. You. Ever. Fought?" Levi asked, moving his hands up in fists and setting himself to the right position to start a fight.
"Ys." She stuttered. As she wandered aroun the mansion, she learnt some Paradisian, hearing the conversation were great lessons for her, and they made her feel less lonely. Sometimes she got wrong idea of what some words meant and for the next few years, she'll have a lot of miss competition as she thought one word meant this and not that. "Es."
Her pronunciation was bad, she didn't use her mouth for such a long time it didn't help either. It was the first time she tried gluing some answer in Paradisian.
"Po-si-tion." Levi spelt, gesturing at his own, creating ways to communicate with her. She was a smart kid, she picked up one, that her father taught her and Levi nodded as it was a great start of their training. Yes, there were some imperfections in her guard but at least they didn't have to start from nothing. "Good. Attack. Me."
Her eyebrows furrowed, hardly understanding. The man began to make gestures, fake punches in the air, sometimes pointing at himself. He seemed irritated, and he felt stupid as he had to use some sort of signature language to ask for someone to hit him. She realised, her head quickly moving left and right. No, she can't do this.
"For God's sake you kiddo! I won't die from you boney arms!" He groaned, rolling his eyes. "What will we do now? That you won't attack me for unknown reasons?"
He began to walk around the court, Annie's eyes squinting as she is waiting for something, still standing in her "ready-to-fight" position. After a minute or so, Levi's attention got brought on her again by her movements. She hit air again, pointing at herself just as Levi did before. She also raised her forearms in front of her face as in shield.
"I. Attack. You. You. Defend?" He decided to say easier sentences, not as well built as he always tried to speak. The girl nodded at him happyly that he understood, he doubted if she even got a meaning of his words but she seemed like she in in heaven. "Well, if you want it your way."
No one would notice how fastly Levi shot forwards her and pushed his leg at the height of her head. Annie looked in shock, she wanted tor him to attack first as it felt too awkward to attack you mentor. Also, after so much time of not training, she felt more confident in defence.
How wrong she was.
Her reflex was still her, arms crossed together quickly wandered at the side of her head his leg is about to hit but they didn't make it in time. Maybe if she did it few seconds faster, she wouldn't kiss the ground. The sand got in her nose, mouth and eyes. God, it burned so much, she felt like in that hole, covered in mud in unfamiliar area.
She rolled over to her back, not wanting to appeal weak any longer, she at least had to give an impression of being tough, stubborn, not giving up easily. As she is made out of stone. She spat out dirt and blinked out it from her eyes. But no matter how hard she would want to, she couldn't get up as she saw black in front of her eyes and her ears were ringing.
Well, she has to admit, that was an awesome hit. Without despair, when emotions doesn't took over him, Levi is even a better fighter. Last time he hurt her was uncontrolled, wild, this time it was calculated, he no longer saw any threat in her.
"Didn't know what I expected." Levi sighed, Annie's half opened mouth showing her half broken, yellowish teeth and some empty space between them.
He will take care of that, nothing disgust him more as bad hygiene.
"More?" He asked with a smirk, as he saw a wild beast that wish to get hurt even more, amazed about the power of it. She is sick, Levi knew that, but who weren't in such a hellpit?
He was no teacher, he took up her ways and attacked her, Annie falling after seconds every time. He raported to Erwin that, in fact, he is doing everything in his strength to raise her as a good soldier for the Scouts. He didn't have to know how sometimes pathetic their "lessons" looked like.
Levi was never as surprised in his life as he was when Annie finally catches his leg and stood defend herself from him for more than a minute. He never expected progress, but here it was.
>---
Annie was late. They agreed to meet every day at 8 A.M. train for something around 5 hours and act like they don't know each other for the rest of the day. It was already 9, where is she?
Levi searched for her room, number 101. They lived at two different sides of the mansion. He searched through maze of corridors for this one specific number. Maybe, she is already at the training court, waiting for him? Maybe, he should come back? No, if he is already here he should check on her room, he also knew she'll wait, even for days, she'll wait for him there.
There it was. Silver 101 hanging at top of the doors. He knocked, no answer came, so he quickly grabbed the doorknob to open the entrance.
The room was small, having only one desk with chair and average bed, still way too big for a kid, so Annie looked comically small on it, a little wardrobe by another doors, probably leading to the bathroom. Levi walked towards the bed, the child not waking up by his footsteps.
Thank God, she is here. He wanted no problems about her escaping somewhere or wandering around the mansion in the search of him.
Levi's hand reached for her shoulder to wake her up, but he noticed something. He noticed as she was flinching, from time to time and her eyebrows grew furious,.or maybe scared. He stared at her trembling body like he saw human having nightmare for the first time. For that moment she froze, unconscious Annie moved her leg fastly, kicking him.
He smirked, not expecting for the hit to be so strong, she must train by herself. With him, they only trained defence. He decided to end this and finally wake her up. It didn't work again, something catches his eyes the last second.
Drawings on the desk. Her drawings. Paper of the underground was made out of stone, they had a lot of them. But she valued every piece of it, cherish it and didn't waste my space, filling up every single one of it with random doodles, that made the paper a perfect mess. Levi recognized some sketches of people she probably imagined herself to sleep, different body parts not joined with anything, just a hand laying done next to leg.
Eyes, lips, chest, hands, legs... Every single drawing was childish, of course, but as he looked through papers, he saw a progress, again. From basically stickman, she decided to learn anatomy, her drawings being more and more detailed, shadows more exposed and depth of it getting way bigger. Right next to it laid a book, he told her to not go to the library of Ackermanns alone, preferably not go there at all, but she did anyway.
She choose the only book she could have some sort of fun from, with drawings, and the only books with drawings, accessible for average person, where the ones with human anatomy. This one was old, librarians probably didn't notice the lack of it, or thanked God, that it is finally gone, nobody wanted to read such a destroyed book. Expect for her.
Pages she lastly read were to ones with ears, as he thought, she took reference from the book, most of her freshest piece full of ears and close by territory. He glanced at her again, maybe, in another life she could be an artist, or a doctor maybe with her adoration of human body.
He noticed another thing, notes by her sketches, written in Marleyan and sometimes, to his suprise, she sneaked in one Paradisian word. Did she try to learn it by herself?
"Arm-Nareim." There was written, is she making some sort of dictionary for herself? "Enemies-Nemiesas."
A silent squeak turned his attention back on her, she sat in a bad, looking scared, eyes watery, she probably realised that she was asleep for too long. She could only wish her punishment won't be as bad as the last one, she didn't want to come back to the outside, no, never. Everywhere, but not there.
She was embarrassed as she saw Levi holding her horrible sketches. This was also another thing to be afraid of, she stealed the book. She squint her eyes, waiting for him to scream, expecting angry, young man again.
Annie didn't know he was gone. That the only thing left was empty, quiet shell of what he was before.
"Don't, worry, kid." Levi calmed her down as be sat on the chair. After some time of their training, he could pace the words faster, she understood more and more every day. "Those, are, good."
"K-kanks." She turned, unsure about her pronunciation and if it really means what she think it does.
"Thanks?" The man asked her. She nodded, yes, this is how it sounded! "Try, beginning, it, with, more, of, an, "f", sound. F." He repeated slowly, moving around his fingers like he is a teacher at some primary school. "Thanks."
"Dfanks?" She knew it was horrible, but she appreciated the change to practise with someone the communication skill. Levi's expression told her enough. She tried once again, she was getting closer she got this... "Fhainkz?"
God, she had no idea she could make that of a distorted sound. She smiled lightly, awkwardly at her, showing of her, a bit more took care of, teeth, as Levi made sure for her to wash them properly.
"Try, again." He gestured his hand to get her going. Giving her feedback about the pronunciation, by slightly nodding when she was getting closer.
Erwin promised to take care of her Paradisian lessons, but he had troubles finding a teacher, a method, everything. He was a busy man, lately his investigation to the outside became more frequent, his importance to the clan growing. Levi missed him, no matter how annoyed he was when Annie, in fact, got no professional help to help her learn.
Guess he has to pick up her education himself. If she will become their amazing soldiers, perfect puppet they will mold, she should at least understand their orders.
>---
He chose library, their meetings became longer, more frequent as he decided to learn her Paradisian. From 8 to 13, they were training physically. Two hours of break and at 15, they met in the library to learn language. He found a quiet corner, where almost nobody could see them, covered in dust desk, two chairs and old books that pages were already turning yellow.
He looked over her shoulder as she wrote a sentence. Today, he taught her how to introduce herself, properly, officially not just by whispering her name.
"Annie mi niemi." In Marleyan. Sometimes he was not sure if he got a right idea of what her sentences mean, but hey! Doesn't she have the exact same problems? In the worst scenario, she will taking that "fuck you", means "I love you" for the rest of her life.
She passed him the pencil slowly. "My name is Annie." He translated and seconds later he repeat it slowly, turning her attention on how his tongue moves and where she should place the accent.
He decided to do this not only for her, as he told himself, the victory of the foreing language should be in the biggest library of Paradis.
Communication between Paradis and Marley was weird, nobody understood how that happened but it seemed like a lot of Marleyan's gets taught how to speak Paradisian, but nobody in Paradis decided to learn Marleyan. They called it dialect here, nothing interesting, just a spin-off of their better, original language. For the Paradisians, it was obvious for them to learn their language, instead of them learning Marleyan.
They were less important than them, worse, without true place in their system, wandering around from enemy to ally like a homeless man in the search of a place to rest.
Levi never had an ambitions to change how world is, how people act and perceive othe countries, but maybe he got this sickness from Erwin. Maybe he wanted to make a change, and maybe starting with learning a random kid cursed with jinx was a first step.
What he didn't know was that every time when he turned around, Annie smiled brightly, staring at his back with adoration.
Like he is her new father.
But she doesn't know how to use those big words yet.
>---
No matter how much time they bonded, Levi acted distant around her, cold. Yes, there were moments when he let out a bit of his warmness, those moments she cherished the most, creating an image of loving man, man that chose to raise her without force. Annie's mind always trying to forget how rough he goes with her at the training court, how much her muscles ache every day, and how beaten yo she came back as she made a mistake, and Levi decided to train her defence.
After a year of teaching her, he understood that he should take things slowly, not throwing her into the deep sea their first time but sometimes his anger came back and he took it out on her. On those bad days for them, he purposely chose an exercise that she didn't handle well, so at the end he could throw some hands. Or it is to much to be said, for her to become a punch bag under the description of punishment.
Fir him, it was hard, he didn't understand what they are, how he feels about her. Moments when he saw a kid, something remotely close to daughter scared him. Moments when he saw a murderer made him aggressive, after them he always felt guilty, despiting the fact how easily Annie accepts abuse, and sometimes even smile as she is hopeless against him.
None of them was ready to create family, so they never became one, they never became friends, not even teacher and student situation fit them. They were the secret other option, uncaught by them, no matter how dictionaries they made together.
YEAR 1976 P.A.
"Who, is, she?" Annie whispered, she already could create sentences well built enough to communicate on daily basis.
She looked at the girl she never saw before. She had long, black hair, stormy eyes and bored expression. She had secrets, Annie already noticed that. The stranger was about her age, she was also strangely similar to Levi. She looked at Annie like a predator, as she was sure she could kill her with her bare hands without even trying. Her silver ring had the Ackermann symbol on it, it was in colour if an emerald. It was beautiful.
"Mikasa." Levi called the girl's name for her to face them, the stranger didn't listen to him, she stayed in her aristocratic arrogance, looking at her fingernails. "Why did your parents sent you so early?"
Every Ackermann kid has to train and be in military for at least 10 years. They begin to train at 10, end at 15 and stop serving in the army around 25. Mikasa was just 9, the same age as Annie, why is she here?
"They shortened the draft age to 12 and they want me to start as fast as possible..." Mikasa explained. You should know about this, she thought, but instead you are focused more on that blonde girl, who even is she? She is so short, she looks weak, way to skinny to have any strength hidden beneath her body. Maybe, that is why Levi's attention on her so much? Because he sees himself in that short ass? How is he even considered the strongest soldier? "Y'know, I will be the youngest to become general in the family, and steal that title from you."
Levi did, in fact, became a general of the Scouts at 17, he was 20 at the moment. How would that girl even accomplish being a general at 16 or less? With the average age to be considered one is 27? His eyebrows furrowed at her, this is odd, also, two girls at once? True Ackermann training should be just one child, no distractions!
Maybe the higher ups counted Annie as nobody, as no Ackermann, not worthy enough to be considered one child. Maybe, that is why Mikasa looked at Annie with arrogance, the feeling of being way better and stronger than her.
"I consider that nonsense, I fight good enough to be drafted." Mikasa rolled her eyes. "I don't need to be trained, basically, you are free from me, just act like you are doing something."
She sat on the sand egotistically, God, it annoyed him so much. Who does she think she is? He despite those rich bastards who spoil their kids like crazy and then expect then to be responsible, empathetic, amazing at everything.
While he looked at Mikasa like that, Annie had other thoughts in mind. For her, she was the weirdest person she had seen since she is here, yes, the Scouts were weird but she was different. She was wealthy kid, wealthy kid she probably hated in Marley, ignorant, arogant with their parents at her every wish, raised in the different household than Annie. But Mikasa was special, she wasn't fat, her body actually looked amazing for a 9 year old, skinny, curves already showing, hair not greasy, no eye bags, Annie looked at herself then, in disgust.
The Ackermanns always made her felt like she is worse.
The Ackermanns were always perfection she craved to be.
Mikasa was almost as perfect as Levi, the only thing she lacked was a good personality of a true soldier, but she could work on it and soon, be as good as Levi with that physic. Maybe, Annie will be close to almost praying to look like her, jealousy taking over her wholely, she will draw Mikasa's body instead of ones in the anatomy book, she would put the sketches over her bed and every night dream of becoming Mikasa Ackerman.
Or maybe she is overreacting, and the Mikasa phase will pass the same way Levi phase did. She will begin to see Mikasa's cracks, imperfections and see human being, and she will be no longer charming once she sees past her imagine. Annie was disgusted by people's soul, what made her judge the person the most was the first impression, she never cared about the second meeting. She never care if a person would become open with her, gentle, no, she did not want that. She craved cold perfection of a monster, monster that will everything for some ideology, person, anything. She craved to become one of those monsters to give up themselves greater good.
But Annie never could give up herself, she never saw herself and who she was, she didn't know what she lacked as she never seen what she owned, how she was, herself was a term she never understood, she never had anything to be hers. After some time, she began to question is there bene greater good in this hell of a world.
"You think so?" Levi asked Mikasa after some time, waking up Annie from her monologue. "You think you could defeat me?"
"No, not you, you are the strongest after all and I am not the stupidest." She groaned. "But her on the other side? Easily. No matter how much you trained her, she is no difficulty for me."
"Let's check." Levi challenged her, his anger towards typicality of his family growing, why are all of them so egoistic? "Annie, get ready."
She did as he pleased her to, not understanding what game is she playing but craving to be a part of the Ackermanns, their perfection. She wanted to have anything in common with them, even when it was only harm. She craved fir Levi to be proud of her.
Her arms covering her face as she always blocks Levi's kicks with. Legs standing steady and strongly pushing against the ground, body loose to dodge faster. Mikasa seemed to feel like she is over it, like she doesn't need starting position.
"One, two, three." He clapped his hands and Mikasa ran towards her.
She was fast, Annie had to acknowledge, but the hit she landed on her wrist was easy to block. She grabbed Mikasa's fist with her hand and pull it, Mikasa lost her balance, seconds before she was about to fall on Annie, Annie moved, making her fall on her face hardly. She didn't expect that for someone so inconspicuous.
"Fuck." She cursed, spitting out the sand that git in her mouth, her furious grew as she was not only defeated, but the person that one just stood there still, waiting for Levi to say something, no word spoken, expression not changed, no pride, nothing.
"Behave yourself, you can't use words like this under my command." He informed, nodding at Annie, he couldn't help it but be proud, this was the first time Annie has won the fight as this is the first one she ever fought with an equal opponent. "Again."
Mikasa decided to be even faster this time, she won't let this girl even think about what to do... She grabbed her ankle and tried to pull it to make Annie fall, it didn't work, Annie stood heavily against the ground, moving ever so slightly it was almost invisible. Her other leg was free, she placed it over Mikasa's arms placed around her ankle and push onto them, making them hurt. Mikasa hissed.
"Stop." Levi ordered and Annie did so immediately. "Stand up, get ready and then start."
She didn't listen, Mikasa got up and ran away from the field. What a humiliation, she thought.
Annie stood there confused, she barely did anything hurting! She glanced at the man, he nodded at her and it said more than a millions of words. He was proud of her, she sensed it in her bone and it gave her strength to keep going, it was addictive, like a drug. She craved admiration almost as much as she wanted her imperfections to vanish.
"It is over for today, go to your room." Levi decided to talk with Mikasa, give her a lecture. Annie wanted to oppose, she wanted to train so badly! But she couldn't, the man already left the field.
Mikasa despite her, there are no way she will like her, no matter how many lectures Levi will give her, she won't change.
>---
"How do you feel about her, Annie?"
"We, won't, be, friends."
"You don't have to."
"She, hates, me."
"That is a strong word."
"She, is, strong."
"No, she is arrogant, she doesn't know what power truly is."
"No, she, is. She, just, does, not, know, how, to, use, it." Annie stated as he still didn't understand. Did she use some words wrong? "She, was, born, strong. As, every, Ackermann."
>---
"Ugh!" Mikasa groaned loudly as she fell on the ground again.
Some months have passed, their rivalry growing day by day. Annie's first impression of Mikasa already vanished, now, she saw her flaws more clearly, she stopped being perfection, she was spoiled, rich princess. Annie hated this, hated how people disappoint her. Good first impression? After a while people who fall under this category begin to fall apart, their perfect armour breaking, revealing what they are ashamed of. Bad first impression? After a while Annie only sees bad things in those people, not giving them a second chance.
She was disappointed by every human she has known, even her father, as she realised slowly. She was so amazed by him, he seemed so strong, caring, but who he was now? Tyrant who let his daughter die in horror. Every negative though about her father came from time to time, unexpectedly, scaring her as she should still be loyal to him. But they still came, flown her mind, making his image more and more insufferable.
"Mikasa, you need to gain control over yourself. Don't show your emotions, next moves, intentions..." Levi adviced her.
Mikasa always waited for the end of their training, it was always the same. For few hours they trained their endurance, ran, jumped, do a lot of exercises to make their bodies stronger. Then Levi taught them some easy moves, showed how to place feet while landing every different type of hit, girls picked up quickly. Then they battles each other. Mikasa was exited about their final fight, she craved to the always-winning Annie to finally loose, loose because of Mikasa.
She never did that, Annie never loose a fight between them, she almost seemed bored by them, always looking at Levi like he was the one who supposed to duel her.
Today will be different.
Mikasa promised herself, from the morning repeating the sentence over and over again, she will win this afternoon.
She already kissed the ground three times, but after every time she wanted to try again. Sometimes, she felt like the only thing getting trained was her stuborness, but she also could notice some progress. She was even faster now, Annie had problems dodging her hits, sometimes even taking one. Her huts were stronger too, more precise. One time, Annie gained black eye from their sparring.
"Again." Mikasa ignored Levi's comment, she doesn't need to control herself! She is perfectly calm! She can do this! "Ready?"
Another thing she despite about Annie, her quietness, she never answered her questions, anything. She just tilts her head as in question, nods as acceptance, and doesn't even oppose! Mikasa was sure that if Levi would ask her to kill herself, Annie would do it, not even glancing one angry look at him. Why doesn't she just respond like a normal Paradisian?
Now, she didn't even nodded, just got in the position and waited, Mikasa always need to attack first. She shot straightly into her, stopping centimeters before her and crouch quickly. You couldn't except that, could you? Mikasa grabbed her thigh and turned back on her, she has Annie's leg on her shoulder now. She stood up drastically, Annie looked at her shocked as she was the one who fell on the ground. Her leg in the air, gel by Mikasa and Mikasa glancing back proud smirk at her.
For the first time, Mikasa has won!
Oh, nevermind, it wasn't that easy. Annie had still her other leg free, she pulled her hips upwards and placed her free feet on Mikasa's stomach. She tried to tangle her leg around Mikasa's waist and she succeeded. Bringing Mikasa closer to her, Annie had no idea her own body was that flexible. Her legs joined over Mikasa's chest as Mikasa's body was slowly giving up on fighting her. She rolled her body.
Annie was on top this time, Mikasa on her stomach pinned against the ground.
"Enough?" Annie whispered, every time when Mikasa heard her she felt Shrivers down her spine, she was so emotionless, almost bored.
"Get. Off. Me." She said through her teeth, the girl over her just pushed herself onto her more. Forfe me, she challenged her, show how strong you really are. Annie hated how Mikasa wasted her potential, how easy it was to defeat her, how she hardly made any progress and how she seemed to not acknowledge her talent. Was Annie the only one to notice it? Her potential?
Or maybe it was just the first impression, that vanished again after Mikasa started loosing, Annie being disappointed at her as she portrayed her as someone who will grow out to be a worthy rival.
"Mikasa, you don't have a chance getting out of this, give up." Levi ordered her, she didn't listen.
She can do this, she is Mikasa Ackermann and she won't let a random girl defeat her over and over again for the rest of her life. She began to plan how to escape from strong grip. Wait, she is very flexible, right?
She raised her hips, stabilized her feet and pushed out of the ground. He legs went up quickly and as Annie was sitting on the higher part of Mikasa's back, Mikasa's leg reached her shoulder. She tangled her ankles around her neck and pulled her to the ground.
Annie landed heavily and Mikasa, not wasting any second rolled out from beneath her. She sat on her hips, grabbed her by her collar and threatened her with a fist. Levi looked in shock at her wild, almost impossible move. He wondered from where does a kid have some much power and realised that maybe this is the strength that Annie saw in her.
"Go on." Annie smiled at her, her words were quiet, too quiet for them to reach Levi but loud enough for Mikasa to hear her clearly. Challenge accepted, Mikasa thought and first hit landed on Annie's cheek.
And one more, one more, more, more, more... Left fist, right fist, she dropped out her shirt and let her lay down on the ground, she didn't oppose. She still had free hands, what was she doing!? But Mikasa didn't stop, she was furious, she let it all go ok the girl beneath her till she felt a tight grip at her wrist.
She couldn't move, she looked behind her and it was Levi, not letting her move by an inch. Her hands were slightly covered in blood, must be Annie's.
"Leave, now." He commander and this time she did as he pleased. Quickly.
But as she was finally behind the doors, she decided to stop, took few steps back and looked through a little gap of doors on what is happening on the area. She expected for Levi to care for the girl, instead, he held his feet against her neck, almost choking her.
"You could get out, y'know this." He stated and Annie nodded. God, her face was truly messed up from what Mikasa has done to her. "This is not what I taught you, first rule, don't give up, so why did you?"
"Why did Mikasa had to give up?" She said, every word coming out hardly from her throat, both from the grip at her neck and barely knowing how to speak Paradisian. "Why can't you believe in her?"
"I know she is strong, but she is arrogant, hateful..." He let out his feet and crouched next to her laying body. "She is pain in the ass and also, shitty way of higher ups to spy on us, the Scouts and our project."
From this moment, Mikasa hadn't understood anything.
"So that is why you..." She started but didn't ended, not remembering words to embrace her feelings into them.
"I don't train her the same way as I do you because she won't be useful to us. She won't be loyal to the Scouts, she will be loyal to her parents, Ackermanns." He spat out.
"I'm...loyal to my dad too."
"But you don't have a choice, get it? Erwin has plans towards you and you need to stay focused at getting stronger. She doesn't have such duty upon her head, she is just an interruption sent by Ackermanns elite so they now what are we doing with you."
"What... Plans?"
Levi was mad, he left with the second doors furiously while also leaving many questions unanswered. Mikasa never experienced something like this what does that mean? Annie was still laying there, probably at the verge if passing out, because if Mikasa.
Guilt reached out for Mikasa's neck as she decided to run towards the girl and help her. She grabbed a towel near by and some bucket of water. When Annie seen her coming, she flinched.
"I won't hurt you, not again." She promised and wet the towel. She reached out towards Annie bruised face, not knowing a lot about medicine but craving to do something, anything helpful to the hurt girl. Annie escoaed from her hands again, she was scared. "Let me help you."
"Why?" She whispered and tried getting up, putting up strong mask again, hating for Mikasa to see her that weakened. Her head began to spin around, she saw black instead of the world.
"Why is he treating you like that?" Mikasa asked, worried?
Annie's frustrations about him flew at the back of her tongue but she couldn't speak wrong upon him, he was still the one raising her zgiving her Paradisian lessons, training her... Yes, he sometimes got agressive but it was quick episodes that ended quickly... He was still young, what was he? 19? What could be his other reaction to having to take care of this girl who was also responsible for his friends death? He still has a lot to learn, he is lost, angry, craving to be peaceful, calm and having wisdom of a true teacher. He didn't ask for this, none of this. He also stopped trusting himself after he began to like this girl, enjoy her presence...
Moments he stops seeing her as a monster, weapon.
She shouldn't be portrayed any other way, she is nothing more than this, she isn't a child, she is an experiment, project, future. But what future? Levi still didn't know, the same way Annie didn't.
"Annie." Mikasa clicked her fingers in front of her forehead. "Focus and let me help you. Please."
"Okay." She whispered, but her body still reacted as wet towel touched her face. They sat like this for minutes, Mikasa cleaning Annie up. After all of the blood was gone, it didn't look too bad, actually, just cut, bleeding lip, eyebrow, forming black eye and broken noose.
"I'm sorry." Mikasa apologized. "I was so horrible for you, like he was now... I'm sorry, I'm really am. I had no idea you put so much believe in me and... And that you wanted for me to be properly educated and... Everything... And that you have something going on and... Sorry..."
Annie panicked, her flow of words didn't make sense to her, it was chaotic, those weren't grammatically correct ones Levi taught her. She thanked God she could recognise probably the most impactful word, that was "sorry".
Mikasa teared up and Annie lost her mind. What do you do in a situation like this? Does she really let out her guard so easily? Because what, she beat up some girl? God, she was so emotional, Annie knew Ackermanns had some sort of anger issues when it came to someone they care for but crying issues? Is this even a thing?
"It fine." She hissed stressed, forgetting to add a little 's at the end of one word, it usually happens to her when she is stressed.
"You sure?" Mikasa dried her eyes that turned red. "Because now I feel stupid, I shouldn't judge you so much and... My daddy always told me to know someone first, then judge and I don't know... I guess I forgot about all of his lessons the second I had a bit freedom from him... You get it, right? You said you have a dad too?"
"Yes. Yes, I do." She nodded. "I forget about his... Lessons always." She clenched het teeth, this isn't what this sound like, she messed up the order... "Since I am here."
Guilt overtook Annie again as she remembered her father. She promised and told everyone she is so loyal to him, his she loves him and how good of a man he is, but as she lived in an isolations from him, first doubts came. Was he truly right? Should she follow his commands and advices? Was he in his right mind as he choose her destiny? What were his true intentions?
Annie hated to doubt him, she supposed to be lolay, not batting an eye on him as he is always right. She swore that he is the only man she will listen but what does she do now? Crave attention of random, older man who hates to be around her? That wouldn't pick up her if it weren't his commands? What was this perfections she always looked up to?
To say the thruth, Annie was just growing up and there was nobody to tell her how to do this. She didn't know if this is normal for her to question her authorities, parents, elderly. To quiesirom who she truly wish to become and not who they want for her to become. But every time she began this topic with herself, she quit after few minutes, she couldn't bear it, she didn't even think if she could live as she realise that what she wasted her whole life doing is wrong.
She was just 9 and she already lost herself. She was everybody's dreams as hers were unclear, perfection was unclear, being a "true soldier" was unclear, everything grew to be dirty. She felt dirty as he believed it was her fault to not understand what is happening around her and why.
So lost, so young, she already gave up on finding a way up, not seeing a world where she is free from their ambitions.
"We should be going, older girls are about to start their training." Mikasa stated, stood up and as she did so, she reached her hand towards Annie for her to grab. Annie shyly accepted, they cleaned what they left out and went separately to their own rooms
>---
"I'm busy." Erwin said as he heard the door open, he was turned back on them, he didn't see who came in.
"Even for an old friend?" It was Levi, his voice full of poison and anger he always found in himself. Anger at the world, Erwin's unclear plans and himself.
"Sit down." Erwin commanded and quick to follow, they choose sits in front of each other. "What brings you there?"
"Annie." He stated and put his legs on the table. "What. Are. Your. Final. Statement."
After Annie asked him about his plans, he was not the same. Yes, he did wondered about them, craving to know them but he never collected himself enough to go to Erwin. Levi didn't want to come to him madly, asking him about things he doss not want to unpack and showing off his untrust towards his orders. This is not what he should do, he wanted to oppose the tyranny of Ackermann's politycy with Erwin, this is the future he promised him, he should be fully gave in into whatever Erwin told him to. There was not enough place for doubts about his leadership.
But he couldn't stop himself, waiting another year or two with unanswered questions.
"I trust you, Levi, that is why I will tell you the honest, horrible thruth." His blue eyes drilled through Levi. "I don't know."
"What?!" Levi screamed. "You ask me to waste my time around her just for you to have no idea how this will be useful?!"
"Levi, I swear, year ago it looked more prosperous but now..." Erwin started and covered his face with his hands. "... It doesn't seem so easy anymore. She is just a kid, the best she can do for our diplomacy with Marley is just translate... But this would make any sense as Marleyans know our language and... Correspondence? Yes, we got some letters and you know about what they were."
Yes, he knew, on one of his lessons with Annie he asked her to translate one of them. The only thing they figured out is that Amanda won't be invited to David's wedding anymore.
"I know Marley has some plans but there are no signs..." Erwin whined. "There is something out there, I can sense it, their whole separation thing just doesn't sit right with me but... They don't let ant cracks happen, no controversies, nothing. Hostage? Bullshit, if they wanted her outside they won't like for her to be back, wouldn't they? And what exactly an 8 year old could know about their secrets? We would just have problems about keeping her there if Dreyse would find out. Could you imagine? Illegal immigrant from Marley right after they signed treaty to send anyone who leaves Marley back..."
"... My last hope is..." Erwin started again. "Ackermann winning an election, if we are the one with power we are the one closer to Marley than anyone in this country. This is the only way I could bring unity, by somehow getting involved with the new, Ackermann president... But the girl? She is actually useless if you think about it..."
"So, what?" Levi chuckled sadly. "We kicking her out the same Marleyans did?"
"It is not moral, she is staying but the only income from her are the unprofessional dictionaries no one will learn from." Erwin looked like he is about to cry. This isn't what he dreamt of, this is not what his plans looked like a year ago, this girl was supposed to make his ambitions come true, and for them to stay frozen. "She will just be under our full control, a puppet as we are raising her as one. But who needs a puppet without any power in our world? She is the lowest in the hierarchy, useless, wasted potential that was never there in the first place."
>---
They were equal now, Mikasa and Annie. Except Levi didn't just put as much effort in training Mikasa as he did before to Annie, now, he was just doing the basics, girls basically learning on their own. He lost his sparkle, to make Annie way more stronger than she should be, fullfil her potential as now, there was no point. He is raising a pig for slaughter, Erwin would probably try to off her as soon as he has a chance, as soon as her usefulness connected with making dictionaries expires, leaving just a useless, orphaned kid of foreign nation.
Levi changed, fully, he no longer had those anger attacks, his frustration didn't leave him as easily as before. He grew to be a nihilist, not getting the meaning and just giving up his life for Erwin's ideas as he couldn't see them himself. That is what made him calmer, quieter, colder.
Annie looked confused at him, she was getting so much better at Paradisian. One time, she even glanced at him and risked a small smile as happiness from visible progress took over. Nothing, not even a nod of response, emptiness.
That when Annie doubted if it is worth to speak, if there is no one to listen, approve...
She couldn't look at him like that, empty shell of strong, furious soldier with growing doubts about the world, but not ever doubting his leader's orders he used to be. Yes, he was still loyal to Erwin but it was no longer the same, Erwin's dreams didn't fill him like before, orders did, there was nothing else, no passion, nothing.
He looked at the girl and saw the victim of their whole society, girl that didn't understand what is happening and looked like she is about to explode when Mikasa decided to be friends with her.
Girl that is dirty with blood of your comrades, Levi corrected himself, this is what Erwin told him, he must listen to him so Levi himself won't be the one to dest himself, Erwin will, shatter him to pieces. Maybe, this is what Levi always wanted, empty mind not filled with questions, he stopped seeking answer. He felt it as he stopped being the part of human race as he denied his curiosity and search for answers, his grief and despair, his love and his hatred. Nothing, black and white, no gray, this is what he wanted, and easy world where someone else dictates him what is good and what is bad, Levi no longer wanted to trust himself and let his own emotions took control.
Maybe he was the one Annie got this from, as he later though, maybe if he would be more hopeful, happier... Maybe, she would turned out differently, maybe tragedy if being enslaved by someone else's ideas but never believing in them wouldn't soak her through, maybe she still had time to change her way of thinking.
But this is reality Levi shown her, reality where soldiers like them, can't make up their own mind.
>---
"Excuse me?" Annie flinched as she heard doors opened and Mikasa's shy voice. "Can I come in?"
"Sure." She nodded, deciding to whenever threw away the origami she was making or to act like it isn't even there. She was very embarrassed about hobbies she picked up.
Origami was actually all over her room, on little shelves, windowsill, desk... She used paper from her old doodles that she hated, hated their imperfections and ridiculous shadowing. She kept drawing, of course, but the company of just a piece of paper and her own brew boring, so she found a book about origami and how to fold to create so many different shapes. She stole it, she had stolen two books in her life at this point, one about anatomy and the other one about origami. She sometimes also used a little knife (also "borrowed") to carve sometimes into big balls she created from old pieces. It wasn't as good as origami though.
Mikasa looked over the room, they were 11, her hair grew, it was at the length of her lower back and God, Annie adored the way it fit her. Lastly, she focused way to much on how Mikasa looks like. The girl sat on her made bed as Annie stayed on the chair by her desk, still holding folded paper in her hands.
"What is wrong?" Annie asked her, after such a long time of learning, she was almost fluent now, since Mikasa was there it came easier. Now, she had someone to talk to about ordinary things, Levi first words he taught her unconsciously were "hit", "attack" and "punch", not really good words to star a conversation with.
Annie adored to listen to Mikasa. Mikasa changed to, like Levi instead she did for the better, she grew calmer, less arrogant, nicer. She grew gentler towards Annie, truly caring about her.
"Levi is sick, we don't train tomorrow, and for the next few days." Mikasa announced and her eyes wandered towards sketches on the desk. Yes, she was more gentle, but still not gentle enough to know about Annie fear about someone watching her artworks, her childish excitement taking over as she saw them. She grabbed them quickly and watched them with admiration. "Those are yours?!"
"Nothing special, those are just for practise." Annie murmed, blushing.
"You call this practise? What are your special works then?" Mikasa was staring at very detailed drawing if hands as she spoke. "How do you even achieve that? For how long have you been drawing? And..."
"Chill, okay?" She asked her shyly, this was the first time someone reacted this exited about her works. "Since I was 8 I have been drawing. I got the references mainly from this book." She passed it to Mikasa. "And from myself, y'know, most of those hands are the left one because I draw with my right while sketching the left one."
"Let me be your model, draw me, please!" Mikasa giggled jokingly, or not, maybe she wanted to do this. "Don't even get me started on those... Things."
"Origami." Annie explained. "Those are called origami, you fold the paper without any cuts or glue and they just... Turn out to look like this."
Mikasa analysed a box looking origami that was painted with very childish eyes and noses. "Amazing." She whispered to herself. "You are talented, what a waste that you are going to the military. You could become a great artist."
"This is just overreaction."
"No, it isn't! Is there ant thing you are not good at?"
Why is Mikasa asking this her, her out of all the people, Mikasa is the one who is stronger, faster, borned with talent to fights defend. She had sparkle in her eyes she lighted herself, she didn't need Erwin to tell her plans like Annie did, she had them formed by herself ,plans on what she wanted to do, who she wants to become. Yes, Mikasa came from rich, strict family but she was free, she was herself. Annie envied that in her, no matter, how hard she tried not to.
"People." Annie responded, knowing how weird it will sound if she says that she is horrible at finding purpose, hope, will to live.
"Y'know what they say, artists are always a misunderstood outcast nobody believes in." Mikasa giggled, she was still searching through Annie's freshest works as she stumbled across one that caught both of their attention.
Full page covered with female torso, from collarbones to the belly button. Annie dropped of the forming origami and grabbed the piece from Mikasa.
"Practise." She murmed as explanation.
"I... Get it." She responded, blushing, this wasn't what she expected and now, Annie turned back on her. "That is okay, and nothing bad, just body, right?"
"Just embarrassing." Annie threw the piece at the desk again, them both watching it fall slowly, revealing delicate sketches again. "I don't even know why I drawn those, those are stupid."
"Practise." Mikasa repeated. "Don't worry, it is nothing horrible, really. I understand that you have to practise every body part to make your final works look good, it was just... Unexpected, that's it, nothing more."
No, there is something more, Annie cursed herself. Mikasa can't find out about her latest fantasies about girls, what would she think? Annie doesn't even know from where do they come from, they just happened, she heard some older girls on the corridors talk about dates with their boyfriends and since then... Since then Annie's mind unwillingly drove back to that "dating" topic, she was so embarrassed about it, why would she worry about such a dumb, secondary thing?
Why does she gets disgust when she think of a boy kissing her? Or doing anything to her, to be exact, then she thought about Mikasa and wondered what boys she would like. Annie didn't know why she cursed every image of a boy she had in mind, she cursed them as she didn't fit them, she wished she was then so a girl like Mikasa could like her. Was it normal? She almost never heard about two girls in Marley and now, she barely talked with anyone expect for Levi and Mikasa.
But they will think that this is stupid, that this is nothing to worry about and just let it pass, that is what she thought, not knowing Levi's growing feelings for Erwin Smith. They won't understand, she repeated it over and over again to her sleep as dreams of some girl liking her came. She hated that those were the only dreams that were hers, they were so unmeaningfull, nonsense, dreaming about girls is nothing useful, hopeful, nothing.
She let those frustrations go away at those pieces, she preferred to draw female bodies. Those held more emotions of hers, let her relax for a bit from those thoughts for an hour or two. But they always came back.
"There is this thing I want to tell you." Mikasa woke her up from her inner monologue. "Promise to not tell anyone, not even Levi."
"Promise."
"I've been sneaking out." She spat out quickly, Annie almost not catching those words to translate them properly. "And on the streets there are those two cute guys I really like. Armin and Eren, you should meet them, they are the best!"
A drop of jealousy filled Annie's stomach, but she ignored it harshly, Mikasa is not hers, she doesn't own her. She can have other friends, right? It is good thing she has lots of them while Annie clings desperately to one, one girl and her drawing and when he has a better day, Levi.
"What are they like?" Annie asked, craving knowledge of who Mikasa might prefer over her.
"So Armin is like, really smart and very, very emotional but as much as he is this, he is also kind. Me and Eren protect him from all of the mean guys we pass by, he needs us." Mikasa sighed and Annie couldn't help but notice how shy and soft her voice got as she began to describe the other boy. "Eren on the other hand, he is determined, strong and very loud. He will do anything to defend our trio from the outsiders, he is so ambitious! He plans to join the Scouts, y'know! That means that there is a high chance of us working together in the future. That'll be so cool!"
"Maybe."
"Maybe? Your maybe will change to-yes, of course,- as soon as you meet them. I've actually told them about you and they can't wait to see you! Isn't that great?"
"We will see."