Chapter 1
Remus has always been, and always will be, a loner. This choice is one he has made completely of his own volition and for good reason.
He has memories. Bad ones of a life before the one he lives now. Because of these memories and the people in them, Remus has decided to keep to himself on the off chance he met someone from his last life.
His parents wanted to send him to a prestigious private school when he was young, but Remus protested against it strongly; he was too afraid he would meet the people of his past if they ended up being just as rich, and therefore prestigious, as before. His protests worked and he was sent to a public school where, thankfully, he never saw a familiar face.
He never made any friends; at least not ones that lasted. He simply couldn’t find it in him to be connected or attached to any person.
Remus was scared.
He was scared he would lose everything, everyone the way he did before and he didn’t want to risk it. So, he kept his head down, his voice low, and went through school unnoticed.
Even now, at the age of 23, Remus works as a barista and lives a quiet life with no friends. Sure, it gets lonely, but Remus has filled that loneliness with books and really, they’re a great comfort.
Remus’ plan to not make friends, really any personal relationships for that matter, was keeping him safe. Until today.
The cafe he works at has just opened twenty or so minutes ago and their first customer has just walked in. Which wouldn’t be a bad thing if it wasn’t one person Remus had hoped to never meet again.
Regulus Black.
Remus tries, he truly does, to not stare in shock as the curly haired man walks into the small cafe and looks around at the art hanging on the walls. But then he is joined by his brother.
Remus feels sick. He truly can’t do this.
He has to, unfortunately. Remus composes himself to the best of his abilities and welcomes them how he would any other customer.
“Good morning, what can I get for you two?” Remus asks in his trained voice, trying to control his heart beat. When there’s no answer, he forces himself to look up and meet the gaze of the brothers who have no memory of Remus.
Sirius is looking at Remus with a slight furrow between his eyebrows, but Regulus… There’s a knowing light in his eyes as they stare back at Remus.
No. There’s just no way.
“Is something.. wrong?” Remus asks unsure, but still careful to keep his voice steady.
“I’m sorry, but you look strangely familiar,” Sirius starts. “Have we met before?”
“No. I don’t believe we have.” Remus answers, looking down at the screen in front of him.
Regulus stays quiet. Staring.
“Ah, well sorry. Anyway, I’ll just have a…” Sirius’ eyes scan the menu posted on the wall behind Remus, “I’ll just have a blueberry scone, please.”
“Alright,” Remus logs in his order, “And you?” he asks, once again daring to meet Regulus’ gaze.
He stares at him for a minute before finally answering, “I’ll take a small black coffee.”
Remus rings the brothers up and tells them it’ll be out in a minute. The brothers walk to stand by the counter where orders are placed when they’re ready, talking quietly between themselves. Remus prepares their order while taking slow, deep breaths to calm himself.
It’s times like these, when he’s full of anxiety, that Remus wishes he at least found James in this life.
He finishes the order and places it down on the counter while offering a mild smile to the brothers. They take their order, walk out the door, and Remus goes back to the register.
A part of himself hates him for not saying anything of importance to Sirius or Regulus, but he ultimately knows it’s for the best.
Remus has finally calmed enough to think clearly. Then Regulus comes walking back in a few seconds later. Remus resists the urge to hang his head and groan.
“I know you know who I am,” Regulus states bluntly as he places his hands on the counter in front of Remus. New life, new body, but same attitude and demeanor. Remus takes an odd comfort in the fact that Regulus hasn’t changed in this new life.
“…I really have no clue who you are,” Remus replies, though his voice shakes slightly. He won’t admit to it and there’s nothing Regulus could say to get him to crack.
“Don’t play stupid because I know you are far from it,” Regulus sounds so sure that he knows Remus as well and it almost gives Remus hope that he truly does. Almost.
“I genuinely have no idea who you are,” Remus repeats, trying not to get annoyed and keep his voice steady, “You came in, ordered, and left. Besides that interaction I have never seen you a day in my life.”
“Maybe not in this one.”
Remus won’t admit it. He won’t. No matter how obvious it is that Regulus clearly remembers everything as well.
Remus refuses.
“As I have said before, twice now, I have no idea who you are,” Remus repeats yet again, his temper slowly rising, “You came in with your brother-“
“And how would you know that man was my brother?” Regulus asks, tilting his head slightly with an innocent look.
Remus snaps his mouth shut as he realizes his mistake. Fuck. There’s no way he can cover that slip up.
“Gosh, Regulus,” Remus mutters as he hangs his head and lets out a deep breath, closing his eyes. He hears Regulus let out a soft laugh and looks up.
“Stubborn then, stubborn now,” he notes as he stares at Remus in amusement. “I saw the look on your face when I walked in, idiot. I also saw the relief as you realized I’m well over eighteen.”
Eighteen. The age at which Regulus had drowned in the past. Remus was truly relieved to see his old friend had lived past the young age.
“So, I’m not the only one who remembers everything then?” Remus asks with a soft laugh of pure amazement.
“No, you are not,” the look of amusement on Regulus’ face fades and he frowns as he continues on, “Sirius… He doesn’t really remember anything from then.”
Remus suspected as much, but the confirmation still stings.
“Not even…” Remus trails off, knowing damn well he couldn’t finish that sentence if his life depended on it.
Regulus seems to understand what Remus is alluding to in any case and shakes his head with sympathy in his eyes.
“I’m sorry, Remus.”
“It’s okay. It’s fine, you should leave anyway,” Remus utters, trying desperately to stay calm, “Sirius will get worried as to why you’re taking so long to get back.”
“I want your number before I leave,” Regulus states. By his tone, Remus can tell he won’t leave without the number and yet…
“No.”
“Give me one good reason why?”
“Just leave it Reg,” Remus practically begs him.
“I want to stay in touch with you Remus. You and I both know I won’t leave without your number, so there’s truly no point in fighting me on this.”
“I don’t plan to ever see you again Reg, so you won’t be getting my number,” Remus stated firmly.
“I’ll tell Sirius everything.”
Damn you, Regulus Black.
“Fine,” Remus bites out through clenched teeth
He and Regulus exchange numbers and Regulus, finally, leaves. Remus feels like he can breathe easier, though whether that’s because someone from his past remembers everything as well or because said person has left, he doesn’t know.
~0~
The rest of the day goes smoothly after the encounter with Sirius and Regulus. Except Remus can’t stop thinking of either of them. He has so many questions and only one of the brothers can answer but Remus won’t allow himself to ask.
Is their home life the same as it was? Have they met any others from the past? Has Sirius found James in this life?
Remus’ thoughts swirl with unanswered questions all day.
After his shift ends, he goes through his normal routine: look around at the bookstore by his flat; pick up any necessities for home; and finally, sit around at home, wallowing in his loneliness until he feels ready for sleep.
Because Sirius and Regulus have been at the front of his mind all day, Remus takes two sleeping pills so the sweet oblivion of unconsciousness washes over him; leaving him thoughtless. But not dreamless.
He sees flashes of bright, colored lights. Spells flying around a room.
Sirius.
Sirius being struck by a flash of green while a wicked cackle echoes through the room.
Sirius falling through the veil as his eyes dim and lose all signs of life.
Remus wakes up in a cold sweat, tears strangling him, making it hard to breathe. It takes, what feels like, an eternity to regain a sense of calm and to even out his breathing. He checks the clock on his phone and the numbers flash at him, reading 3:00 A.M. on the dot. Knowing he won’t receive any more sleep for the night, Remus makes coffee in his tiny kitchen.
He has to resist the growing urge to text Regulus just to know if Sirius is okay. Of course Sirius is okay, logically thinking, but Remus can’t shake the fear the nightmare induced.
Ultimately, Remus decides to turn off his phone and spends the long hours of the night sipping coffee and reading. His head is contaminated with anxiety so as his eyes flow along the pages of a book, not a single word is comprehended. The night crawls at a turtle-slow pace until it is finally time for Remus to get ready for work.
He goes through his morning routine like a programmed machine, not even realizing that he’s ready until he’s walking out the door of his flat and locking the door.
Remus gets to work and takes up his place at the register, mumbling ‘good morning’s to his coworkers and waits for customers.
A chime sounds at the front of the cafe, signaling the entrance of a customer. Remus looks up and resists the pathetic, but strong, urge to groan. Or cry.
Walking up to the counter is one Regulus Black. Again.
“This won’t become a routine,” Remus firmly states once Regulus makes it to the counter to order.
“What a nice way to greet customers,” Regulus replies dryly, “You look terrible.”
“Talk about nice greetings,” Remus retorts, “Sirius not with you today?” he asks, trying not to sound too hopeful about Sirius not being here to accompany his brother.
“He is, not too kill your mood,” Regulus answers, visibly amused, “James had called him before we walked in.”
The mention of James makes Remus’ heart clench.
It must show on his face because Regulus quietly regards him for a moment, likely making the connections of Remus’ exhausted appearance to a bad night full of bad dreams.
“What was the dream?” Regulus murmurs softly, any amusement melting into concern.
Remus forces himself to speak around the lump lodged in his throat, “Sirius’ death.”
If Regulus had any response to that, he doesn’t get the chance to speak, because Sirius comes walking in at that moment. Full of life. Remus releases a muted sigh of relief.
“Making friends, are we, Reggie?” Sirius teases, coming to stand next to his brother and ruffling his hair.
“Piss off,” Regulus grits out, swatting at Sirius’ hand in his hair.
“What can I get for you two today?” Remus asks in his trained, all too cheery voice. They place their orders and Remus gives them a questioning look when they don’t immediately go to the other end of the counter to wait. Rather, Regulus doesn’t go immediately and Sirius stays alongside his brother, just as confused as Remus.
“…Is there anything else I can help you with?” Remus slowly asks.
“You should join us for drinks tonight,” Regulus states, “If you’re not busy, that is.”
“I can’t. I have plans already,” Remus lies, all too eager to decline. He knows Regulus can tell he’s lying right through his teeth, but he just can’t.
“Come on, it’ll be fun,” Sirius chimes in with that smile Remus knows so well, “You and Reg clearly got on well before I came in and you can meet a friend of mine.” Remus knows instantly that said friend is James and he just can’t. But he also can’t deny that seeing and talking to Sirius feels good. Regulus seems to notice Remus’ resolve crumbling; his lips are turned up in a slight smirk.
Remus sighs and says, “I might be able to clear my schedule. When and where?”
“I can text you the details,” Regulus replies with an undertone of satisfaction at breaking Remus. When Sirius turns to walk to the other end of the counter, Remus glares at Regulus who offers a mild smile in return.
~0~
Remus’ life plan of no friends is going up in smoke and he blames Regulus. Meeting Regulus and Sirius was bad enough, but of course one of them had to remember everything. The universe apparently isn’t satisfied having ruined Remus’ life once. Nonetheless, Remus goes out with the brothers and James despite his growing anxiety.
He’s always felt a loss of identity, in a sense, having memories of a life before this one and being around those from said past life lessens that feeling. Remus might go insane just from a few hours around these people, but at least he’ll be going insane around people he once knew.
It’s almost seven, the specified time Regulus had texted Remus, so he leaves his flat and starts making his way to the pub he’s meeting Regulus, Sirius and James at.
Or just Regulus; he’s the only one standing outside the pub when Remus arrives.
“I thought Sirius and James would be here,” Remus says as he comes to join Regulus in standing close to the pub’s entrance.
“They’re on their way,” Regulus replies with a look that says ‘you really thought you were going to get out of seeing them?”.
“Sirius is excited, hell, nervous even, that you’re joining us for the night,” Regulus feels the need to add. Remus doesn’t know how to respond; he doesn’t believe that could be true.
“You’re lying,” Remus dismisses Regulus and shakes his head slightly.
“Why would I make up a lie to embarrass my brother when I can easily use the truth?” Regulus quirks an eyebrow at Remus like he’s stupid. Regulus makes a good point, but Remus doesn’t want to admit that so he just rolls his eyes and looks away.
Close to fifteen minutes pass with Regulus and Remus chatting casually and this is the most normal and relaxed Remus has ever felt. This feels easy, natural because it is; they’ve talked and joked like this before for years. Remus falls into the comfort of an old friendship easily and with gratitude.
“Since when do you get so close with a new person so fast?” Sirius teases Regulus as he arrives, coming to stand with him and Remus.
“Shut up Sirius,” Regulus mutters, rolling his eyes, “Where’s James? Not following after you like a shadow?”
Sirius laughs softly, “He’s nearly here. Now, You,” Sirius says, turning his attention directly to Remus. Remus goes still.
“Uh.. What about me?”
“How come you’ll talk with little Reggie here, but not with me?” Sirius’ tone sounds teasing, but his eyes look like this development genuinely stings.
“I guess we just have common tastes,” Remus replies and it’s not even a lie.
“How do you know you and I won’t have common tastes?” Sirius quirks an eyebrow, “Who’s your favorite singer?”
Because it’s true and because they’ve been here before, Remus answers, “Bowie.”
“Ahh, see! We’ll have plenty in common,” Sirius chirps with a wink, clearly satisfied with the new information.
Remus glances at Regulus, who is staring at him with a mixture of pity and amusement. Remus elbows him slightly and Regulus elbows him right back. Sirius stares at them with confusing plastering his face.
James joins the small group within five minutes following Sirius’ arrival.
“Hey! Who’s the new one?” James greets cheerily as he looks at Remus. James’ eyebrows are furrowed slightly, the same way Sirius’ were when he and Remus “first” met, as he regards Remus, “You look so familiar.”
Remus hates this. And in the same breath, he finds so much comfort in being around these people.
“I said the same thing when Reg and I first met him,” Sirius adds in.
“I don’t believe we’ve met. Name’s Remus,” he introduces himself and, to go along with his lie, adds, “And you are?”
“The name sounds familiar too. I’m James,” James introduces himself in return, offering his hand to Remus who takes and shakes it with a small smile.
Following the formalities of introductions, the four of them walk into the pub and take up a booth in one of the corners. They order food and drinks while talking happily among themselves.
All of the anxiety Remus had felt about this night melts away as he’s surrounded with the people from his past. Whether they remember Remus in return or not doesn’t matter right now; Remus is content and relaxed just by their presence.