Enter Snape
~~~~~
Batman
“Potter”
“Potter”
“POTTER”
“WHAT?”
“Did I wake you up?”
“YES”
“good”
“I need someone to get me out of here.”
"No."
"What do you mean 'No'?"
"You still have a neck brace!!! That is what I mean by 'No'."
"So? I want out."
"You idiot, you still need to heal more."
“soooo...”
“what?”
“Technically they say I need to be in a bed and have someone around to help in an emergency.”
“okay”
“Potter?”
“I'm AWAKE. WHAT IS IT?”
“You do have a guest room, don’t you?”
“yes...”
“With a nice, comfy bed?”
“...yes.”
“wait. WAIT.”
“Come on, Potter. I almost died for you.”
“THAT'S NOT A FAIR ARGUMENT!”
“All the years I spent in danger and agony and not a word of thanks... such a cruel world indeed...”
“SIGH. I’m on my way. Hold on.”
“excellent”
"Do you even know where I am?"
". . . no."
"Sigh. I could have sworn I beat logic into that hard head of yours."
"No, that was Hermione. That was what you were trying to do?"
"Obviously. . . Anyhow here is my location:"
"Really. Just, Really?! Did you have to use that word?"
"Yes, yes I did. Now hurry up Potter."
“Oh, and Potter?”
“What is it now?”
“I need fresh clothing. I’m in a hospital gown and my robes are blood-soaked.”
“noted”
*Batman is typing …
“Oh for heaven's sake!”
“When you’re on your way, would you stop by a store and get me some bagels? Food here is abysmal.”
“REALLY?!”
“Potter, I’m hurt and lonely and cold and hungry. But if providing me with some decent food after the months I spent unable to keep down anything due to immense stress is too much to ask...”
“OK, OK, I GET IT! Jeez you’re good at this.”
“I know.”
“Bagels with cream and salmon okay?”
“Sufficient.”
“SIGH. I’ll see you in a moment.”
“Lovely.”
*1 Hour Later*
"What's taking you so long?"
"Umm. . ."
"You splinched yourself didn't you?"
". . . no."
"You did, didn't you."
"Maybe"
"SIGH. Why am I not surprised?"
“I needed a little detour to stop by Hermione’s for some Essence of Dittany. It’s harder to Apparate to a place I’ve never been before. I’ll be over in a few minutes.”
“Are the bagels okay?”
“YOU 8(=(=-*+€!!!!”
"You lost the bagels when you splinched, didn't you?"
". . ."
"You incompetent moron."
"Sorry. We'll pick some more up on the way back."
"We better."
~~~~~
*Later at Grimmauld Place*
Snape is set up in Regulus’s old room at the insistence of Kreacher surprisingly. Kreacher had insisted that it was the cleanest room, other than Harry’s, therefore the room best suited for an injured wizard and since it was right next to Sirius’s old room, Harry could get to Snape quickly in the middle of the night. Harry was ordered to, ‘Help poor Master Snape up the stairs to Master Regulus’s old room. Kreacher will clean up and move the papers of Master Regulus to a storage room. Kreacher will also get more pillows.’
So Kreacher apparently likes Snape. When that happened, Harry had no clue. Maybe it’s just because Snape’s a Slytherin? He's going to go with that theory for now or else he’s likely to get a headache thinking about it.
But that will make things easier for Harry if Kreacher isn’t against his house guest and can check in on Snape a couple times at night to make sure the man isn’t getting worse. He’d be hard pressed to get Kreacher to do anything like this for Ron or Hermione, even though their relationship with Kreacher had improved when they were on the run.
Harry had lied about getting bagels on the way back though. Because he had remembered Kreacher had ordered him to, ‘Let Kreacher worry about getting and making any food for Master Harry and any guests!’ the last time he had grabbed food for himself.
He was very glad that he had splinched and lied about getting replacements because when they had Snape set up in the bed and Harry asked Kreacher to get some bagels and a drink for Snape Kreacher said, “Good, Young Master is learning, that’s Kreacher’s job. Now if only Master Harry would learn to let Kreacher do the cleaning,” before dissaperating to get the requested food and drink.
“More like lucky you splinched,” Snape commented.
“Shut up,” Harry replied, sitting down in one of the leather armchairs facing the bed.
They sat in silence for a moment before Kreacher reappeared with the requested items on a bed tray.
“Master Snape must eat and then rest,” Kreacher ordered before turning to Harry, “Master Harry must not keep him up too long,” before dissaperating again.
Snape starts eating, while Harry splutters, he was the one that got woken up at 3 in the morning, thank you very much!
When he calmed down from the accusation, he started staring at the man in front of him. ‘How is this even my life right now?’
“What?” Asked Snape after finishing a bite.
“This is so not happening right now. This is completely insane. I don’t know if I should laugh, cry or strangle you with my bare hands,” Harry replied, throwing his hands up in exasperation.
Snape gives Harry a pitying look, “I’d offer a bagel, but I’m pretty sure Kreacher would kill us both if I didn’t eat them. First you for accepting and then me for offering.”
Harry snorts at the joke before bursting into tears.
"I guess you chose option 2."
"It's not funny you prick," Harry sniffles while calming down again.
"I know, I was being completely Sirius,” Snape replies with a straight face before they both burst out laughing.
"I never thought I'd see the day I made a Sirius pun. God, I'm too old for this. I'm retiring, I don't want to deal with you lazy brats for the rest of my miserable life," Snape said as they calmed down.
"Too bad, you're stuck with us. Well, at least Hermione and I."
"What did I do to deserve this terrible fate?" Snape bemoans.
"You gave me your memories and then led me to believe you were dead before texting me that you were alive, is what you did,” Harry replied causing them both to chuckle briefly, “Mind you, I don’t even know how you got my number, let alone a phone."
“Draco, got to me right after you left, quickly asking a house elf to get me to a hospital after he stabilized me with the antivenom that I had given him just in case. He kept in touch and told me about the goings on, especially your defense of both our cases along with his mother’s, while giving me a phone.”
“That pale arsed moon child looking git! He told you that it’s better to message me in the middle of the night, didn't he?!” Harry realized.
“Maybe, I also thought it would be funny, so I went along with his poor attempt at deception. How he even made Slytherin I will never know,” Snape said while rolling his eyes at his godson’s antics.
“I know right? He’s about the least cunning Slytherin ever! Everyone could see his lies and I’m pretty sure you just let him get away with them because he was a Slytherin.”
“That and the fact that he’s my Godson,” Snape replied while finishing off the last of his food.
“Oof, well I better get going before Kreacher comes and has my head for bothering you longer than it takes for you to eat,” Harry says while heading for the door.
Right on time as it would seem because less than a second later Kreacher pops in to take the tray narrowing his eyes at Harry in suspicion before popping back out.
“I see what you mean,” Snape observes before getting into a more comfortable sleeping position.
“Well, goodnight Snape,” Harry said, flicking off the light before going to close the door.
He barely heard the soft, “Goodnight Potter,” before the door shut.