Avengers Oneshots Ongoing

Monday

The TV screen flickered on and off as Tony annoyedly pressed the reboot button several times. It wouldn't reboot. Something was wrong with his TV, and he didn't even know what it was?! Wow, he needed to up his game here: he was a mechanic. This was just sad!

Around him, the room lights started to flicker as well. 'What on earth?' Tony wondered out loud, then let out a gasp of air as a body slammed into his, pinning him to the ground.

His attacker had a black ski-mask on his face and a mouth in between his teeth. He currently had Tony's legs pinned underneath him, and was holding his arm to the sides.

Tony let out a huff as he tried to draw in a breath: 'So, do you always parade around, cosplaying as pirates?' he quipped, having to pause several times in the sentence to draw in a shaky breath, since his attacker's right knee was pressed painfully against his torso right around where his lungs were located.

Tony gasped for air as the attacker scowled down at him. Into his vision came another black ski-mask wearer with a cloth in his hand, which he brought down over Tony's face, whom immediately smelled it was chloroform.

Tony quickly drew in a breath, determined not to breathe as long as he could hold out. The clothe was pressed to his face, covering his mouth and nose. Tony was now officially panicking, he was a ticking time bomb: soon he would have to breathe again, which would result in him being knocked out.

His eyes darted quickly between the two men. He felt the knee press deeper into his chest, as if trying to force the air out of him. Finally, he could take it no more, his body took over and in defeat he gasped in a lungful of chloroform.

He could dimly hear a shout and running footsteps. His vision blurred, and black spots threatened the edge of it. Just when he was about to breathe in another dose of chloroform, the clothe was removed from his face.

'Tony!' a voice cried. A hand was waving in front of his face. Voices were crying out all around. Then Tony felt himself be picked up and carried bridal style somewhere. He tried to protest: why on earth was he being carried away?! but found he had no control over his body at all.

He felt himself being placed on a bed and a light was shone in his face. He grumbled, trying to move his arms so he could get the annoying light out of his face. Finally, the light was gone, and it's place were voices. Too distorted for him to make out, but they were talking earnestly.

Tony smiled to himself – oh hey, he could smile! - being very glad that whichever drama those people were involved in, he wasn't. A blanket was tucked over him, and he soon felt the lull of sleep calling him. He gave in and darkness engulfed him.

Tuesday

Tony woke up groggily, his hand reaching to his face as he tried to remember which events had transcribed to him being in... the medbay?! Had he blown something up again?

'Look who finally decided to grace us with his presence.' A teasing voice spoke from the side of his bed. Lazily he turned his head to find Natasha Romanoff sitting there, very much looking like she was at ease, a hard-cover version of the Lord Of the Rings in her left hand. She smiled down at him: well, either she had been really worried about him, or she was about to murder him, her smiles could go either way.

Tony soon learned it was the former of the two – much to his relief – as he sat up in bed and she immediately pushed him down again. 'Hey, no sitting up until the doctor says you can!' she commanded him sternly, making Tony roll his eyes:

'Since when do you listen to doctors?' he parried in return, trying to sit up again but being pushed down even harder this time. She smiled down at him, and he managed to put it in the category of don't-do-as-I-say-and-I-will-murder-you.

'Since there's a bounty on your head.' she told him sternly, putting beside her copy of the Lord of the Rings.

Tony raised his eyebrows, wanting to play it off as cool, but if he could get away anything from Natasha's amused expression, it was that his face probably looked really panicked. Tony quickly swallowed the panic away and put on a stoic smile:

'Well, you know what they say: if nobody hates you, you're doing something boring.' Tony offered with a smile, getting an exasperated look in return:

'You said that, 3 years ago at one of your dumb Stark-Expo's.' Natasha stated, as if that took of any of the edge to his argument. Was quoting oneself no longer allowed?

Tony was about to bite back something hurtful – he really was: he just hadn't thought of what exactly yet – when Bruce sauntered in, looked up and smiled at Tony: 'I see you're awake and trying to already escape the clutches of the evil doctors.' he quipped happily, starting to check Tony's vitals.

Tony let him do his thing as he idly turned to Natasha, finally having thought of a comback: 'At least I'm not a poser.' he told her, making her quirk an eyebrow as she looked down at her watch:

'It took you exactly 35 seconds to come up with that retort: you're losing your edge.' She informed him, saying it in such a manner that is sounded like she had just told him all of his family members had died.

***later that day, Avenger's meeting room***

Tony sighed as he plopped down on a chair in the meeting room. He found Bruce, Nat, Clint, Bucky, Sam, Steve, Wanda, Pietro, Thor and Scott already present. They were all eyeing him in one way or another, their expressions ranging from pity (Bruce), ridicule (Steve – like how was it Tony's fault he had a bounty on his head? Lighten up gramps!), downright enjoyment (All of the superspies including Sam and the Maximoff Twins), confusion (Thor) and last, but not least the its-your-fault-I-have-to-be-here look (Scott).

In came Nick Fury with Agent Hill, seating themselves down at the head of the table. Well, Fury stayed standing, but that was not unusual:

'Morning,' he greeted them, not waiting for an answer but quickly continueing, 'I would not have called you all here if something very dangerous is happening at the moment – sorry for ruining your vacation Scott, you can blame Tony though.' he interjected himself, turning to Lang, who inclined his head in acceptance of the apology, then glared at Tony.

Tony scoffed: 'Dude, I never said this was a big deal! I suggested letting it blow over as well. I didn't force anyone to get you here!' he defended, half in humour and half in seriousness.

Nick rolled his neck, then sighed: 'As I was saying: we have a dire situation. A bounty has been put on Stark's head, of a whopping 56 million US dollars.' Tony scoffed and muttered under his breath that he was worth more, but Fury elected to ignore that comment, 'It is not so much the bounty that has us scared so much, it's the who.' Fury stated, making Natasha look up:

'Who?' she asked in a mock interested tone, obviously thinking it was a waste of time.

'He's a supervillain of whom we do not know anything. We know Spider-Man fought him a few years ago and put him in prison, but we don't know who he is, whether he is a mutant or even what he looks like.'

'Well,' Clint stated, putting his feet up on the table, and putting his hands behind his back in a relaxed manner, 'Seems we have a lot to go on then: Scott, you might just make it back in time to go on vacation after all!' he cried out happily, getting a glare from the latter:

'We have literally nothing to go on.' Fury stated in an annoyed tone.

'That's, where you're wrong.' Clint told him dramatically, 'I present to you...' he paused dramatically, 'This!' he cried out, fishing an object out his pocket triumphantly.

'Its a phone.' Wanda stated, her expression unamused.

'A phone with Spidey's contact on it.' Clint told her with a smug smile.

'You have Spider-Man's phone number?!' Nat cried out in surprise, 'Can you give it to me as well??'

'Nah, you'll have to befriend him yourself like I did. You want me to call him over to the tower to give him a debrief on what has occurred and ask for his help?' Clint asked, addressing the whole room, which was still sitting in stunned silence. Scott quickly spoke up:

'Yes please, and tell him to hurry: I need to go on vacation in 2 days and I refuse to miss that.' he told Clint, who just smiled, tapped on the phone screen, called and put it on speaker as he let it ring into the silent room.

'Hello? This is I.' a voice stated from the other side, seemingly wanting to avoid names and titles until he knew who the other was.

'Hey, This is Clint, this is work-related.' Clint answered, making sure not to use Spider-Man's name or title.

'Hold on a sec.' the voice said from the other end. A few seconds of silence elapsed, and then his voice came back: 'Sup, birdbrain, whatcha need help with?' he asked, making Tony stifle a laugh at the nickname: not like it was new or anything, but it was fun that Spider-Man too liked to call Clint that.

Clint elected to ignore Tony, and instead spoke to Spidey: 'Okay Spidey, you know Tony Stark?'

'Billionaire idiot, I am familiar.' the voice responded as Clint smiled and Tony rolled his eyes: he was a genius.

'Right, so this billionaire idiot, decided to piss someone off, and now he has a bounty on his head.' Clint explained.

'Oh yeah,' Spidey cut him off, and chuckled: 'I guess he really lives by what he said at that Stark-Expo 3 years ago: If nobody hates you you're doing something boring. Sad, I hoped he was smarter than that.' Spidey noted, making Tony red in embarrassment and annoyance.

Clint guffawed and continued explaining: 'So we have this director of an organisation named SHIELD, who decided to make Tony's problems, everyone's problems.'

'Naturally.' Spidey intoned, as the sound of chewing reached their ears.

'Are you eating?' Nat asked, leaning towards the phone so Spidey could hear her:

'Yep, faster metabolism and what not. One of these Imma end up homeless because of it. Also, no need to lean into the phone, I can hear you as well if you just sit back. Super hearing.' he quickly added to clarrify, making Nat nod and mutter a cool under her breathe. 'Thanks.' Spidey responded, to which she choked out a laugh: she hadn't expected it to be that good.

'Anyway, Clint continued: Scott now has a problem: he is supposed to go on vacation with his family in 2 days, and he is going to miss it because of Tony here.'

'For real, Tony has to get his act together.' Spidey stated as Tony huffed and coloured even more in annoyance, 'Though I guess its per his name: Tony spelled backwards is y not, which basically describes his whole character.'

The whole room burst out in laughter as Tony turned even redder in emberassment. Even Nick Fury and Agent Hill joined into the laughter. When it was finally quieted down again Clint continued:

'Okay, so Fury had some intel you might have fought this guy in the past or something, so we were wondering if you could come over and give us some incites.'

'Depends, I have fought a lot of guys, and some of them are just not worth the hassle and you guys can just ignore the bounty. What's the guy's name?'

'He goes by the name Vulture.' Nick Fury supplied helpfully, from all away across the room where he was standing.

Silence on the other end. Nick Fury smiled, thinking he had found the limit of Spidey's hearing capabilities, then, the latter spoke up: 'Okay, I am coming over. Let no one near Tony okay?'

'Okay,' Clint answered, then glanced up at the ceiling briefly. 'Soooo... did you get that all?' he asked into the phone as Spidey giggled:

'Yeah, hacked into it no problem in like a minute. I have so much footage of angry Tony Stark.' he informed Clint, then he raised his voice, 'Sorry Mr Stark for being so annoying, Clint had made me a bet I couldn't get you to turn red in rage and be able to record it simultaneously.'

Tony just rolled his eyes at this: of course Spider-Man was just as big as a prankster as Clint if those two had become friends.

5 minutes later, Spider-Man swung in through a window, which opened on its own accord for him, making everyone give him a quizzical look.

Spider-Man just shrugged: 'Well, I could have rammed into it and broken it, but I assumed you'd like to keep your windows intact, so I just hacked FRIDAY.' he told Tony nonchalantly, 'Oh, and no hard feelings about the prank right?' he asked with a smile.

Tony grumped: 'Yeah, yeah, no hard feelings.'

'Okay,' Spidey stated, 'So what information do you guys have?'

'Nilch.' Nat stated.

'Zip.' Scott added.

'Nada.' Clint provided.

Fury rolled his eyes: 'A bounty has been sent on Stark's head for 56 million US dollars by a guy named the vulture. Yesterday people chloroformed him and tried to kidnap him, but cap and Clint here arrived in time to save his butt.'

Spidey nodded: 'So what do you guys know about the vulture?' he asked, pulling up a chair to the table and sitting down.

'Not much,' Fury admitted, 'We just knew he fought you.'

'Mhhh. Okay, let me think. He's supposed to be in prison right now. His name is Adrian Toomes. His wife is dead. He has a daughter named Elizabeth Allan, who moved to Oregon after her father's arrest, choosing to avoid the papparazi and the trial. She is probably in her last year of, or has just finished highschool. I don't know what the new highschool she is going to is, but I do know she is not really important, since she didn't support her father in his endeavours to steal Stark Tech.'

'Hold up, he did what?' Tony asked, sitting up.

Spidey rolled his eyes: 'I was coming to that.' he scolded the other man as if Spidey was some sort of teacher, making several Avengers stifle laughter, 'Around the time of homecoming last year, Adrian Toomes decided he wanted to steal Stark weapons that were being transported to a new location. He made himself a suit that could fly, and attacked the ship with its retroreflective panels. He almost made it in, but I stopped him, though your plane did crash near Coney Island. Don't worry, none of the arc-reactors in it were taken. We had a brief fight, a building fell on top of me. I decided to survive. Then his wings went and sparked, and I realised they were going to explode. I saved his life. He was slightly confused. I tied him up. Left a note for the police, and then went to mind my own business.' Spidey finished fast, not wanting anyone to catch onto the building falling on top of him part.

Steve, however, did: 'A building fell on top of you?'

'Yeah, but I handled it.' Spidey answered with a shrug. Deflecting from that subject he turned to Fury: 'You said 56 million US dollars right?' Fury nodded, 'Toomes doesn't have that kind of money, he's lying to the bounty hunters. Not that I know how that could help us though.' he mused, then grabbed the nearest IPad he could find and starting tapping on it furiously, after a while he looked up: 'Yeah, Toomes is no longer in his cell in the prison and is to be found nowhere else on the security cameras, its best to assume he escaped unnoticed. Or noticed. Who knows.' he added with a shrug.

'Did you just hack a prison?' Steve asked, a hint of reprimand in his voice.

Spidey laughed: 'Yeah, what of it? No biggie, it's quite easy actually, you'd assume they would have more than 5 firewalls set in place. Better ones at that.'

Tony smiled into the air: 'You need a job? I could use someone like you?' he offered, to which Spidey just smiled, then turned serious again:

'What I suggest we do, is kidnap Tony.' he said, making Clint laugh manically and Nat snicker. Tony huffed. 'No, really: we kidnap you, get in touch with Toomes, he comes to get you, and wham-bam-slickity-bang we have him in our clutches.'

'That's almost as bad as when Tony said the plan was to attack.' Steve grumbled, making Tony snort:

'That was a good plan.'

'How did that work out for everyone then?'

'...I still liked the plan.'

'Idiots always do.'

'Can we just kidnap him already?' Scott asked, turning to Spidey, whom just nodded. Scott smiled, walked over to Tony, who was still argueing with Steve, and clobbered him over the head.

Spidey stared at him: 'My respect for you grows with the second.' he told Scott with a laugh, whom just grinned:

'Hey, I just want to go on vacation man.'

'Fair enough. Okay, let's get this show on the road!'

---- 3 hours later ---

A man stepped from the shadows and eyed the bounty hunter warily:

'Are you the Black Knight?' he questioned the man in the black spandex suit. Whom nodded and smiled, pointing down at the billionaire at his feat:

'Are you the one wanting this guy?' he stated more than asked, but Toomes still nodded. 'Okay, show me the money.' The Black Knight commanded.

Toomes cocked his head to the side: 'Yeah, that might be a problem: it's crypto.'

'Real money or I dump this guy in the nearest lake I can find.' The black Knight retorted, crossing his arms.

Toomes sighed: 'I really am sorry about this.' he stated simply, obviously not sorry. Then he pulled a large weapon from behind his back, 'Your service has been appreciated.' he told the Black Knight with a smile, then he shot.

The Black Knight dodged under the blue orb that shot his way, merely avoiding it by millimeters. Toomes raised his eyebrows: 'Someone has skills.' he muttered under his breath. Suddenly, he was pushed to the ground from behind as feet landed on his back. He cried out in pain as his body made contact with the floor.

Within a second he was up again, aiming his weapon at his attacker, only to find Black Widow smiling at him: 'You messed with the wrong family buddy.' she told him cooly.

'You ain't family!' Toomes retorted quickly, sidestepping as the Black Widow punched him.

'I was talking about Ant-Man: he's gonna miss out on his family's vacation!' Black Widow called back jovially, sweeping her legs against those of Tooms, making him fall to the ground.

In a second, Hawkeye was on top of him, having him pinned to the ground, and quickly putting cuffs on his hands. He raised an eyebrow: 'What happened to those nice wings we were told you had?' he questioned the man, not really caring that much about the answer.

'They exploded when I fought that Higschooler.'

Nat's brows furrowed dangerously: 'You. Fought. A. Highschooler?!' she hissed angrily.

'Technically, he was a mutant, so maybe he just looked like one, and went to one, but was actually thirty.'

'Dude, that is not a thing.' The Black Knight said, pressing on the symbol on his chest, which changed his suit to that of Spider-Man.

Toomes gaped: 'Seriously? You?'

Spider-Man smiled and nodded: 'What did you expect, had to make sure you went back to prison didn't I.'

'Ugh, highschoolers!' Toomes cried out in annoyance, making the rest of the Avengers, who had also entered the building after taking out Toomes' henchmen, look at him.

'What do you mean?' Scott asked, his tone confused.

'He's only 16, you know that right? He went on a date with my daughter.' Toomes added in a spiteful tone.

'In my defence: I did not know she was his daughter.' Spidey offered with a smile, making Nat mutter something about always doing background checks.

Steve however just stared at him: 'You're 16?!'

'And you're like 108, what's the big deal?!' Spidey retorted, making Nat and Clint snort our laughter. As Wanda bit her lip, trying to not join in. 

Steve just rolled his eyes: 'Please never accept Tony's invitation to come work for him.'

Spider-Man smiled: 'Ha,watch me.' he told Steve triumphantly. He then waved to the group and promplty flipped out of a broken window.

'He does know we are on the 98th story of a skyscraper right?' Scott questioned.

Toomes rolled his eyes: 'He'll be fine. I once dropped a warehouse on him and he was fine. Nothing can destroy that guy. Sadly.' This earned him a glare from Nat as she escorted him away. Steve went to check the window, just to make sure. And sure enough: there was Spider-Man, swinging along the scyscrapers, jovially giving him a salute as he swung off into the sunset.