Avengers Oneshots Ongoing

***HULK POV (I tried okay, though this probably rather bad but in my defence he has the mind of an angry five year old and that is kinda hard to write)***

'HULK!' the voice shouted from behind him. Someone used his name. His name. They always called him Bruce, not Hulk. His name was used.

He swivelled around and found Spider-Man. Spidey. Friend.

He huffed. Moved forward. 

'Hey Hulk, how ya doing today?' Spidey asked, grabbing Hulk's hand softly, 'You okay?'

Hulk huffed as he let Spidey lead him away. Spidey. Friend. Nice. His name. 

Long time. They sat down in an alley, Spidey next to him.

Spidey Nice. Spider friend. 'You calmer now Hulk buddy?'

Hulk huffed: Spider nice. 

Rain. Thunder. around him. Doesn't like Thunder. Thunder mean. Rain mean. Hulk huffed. Spidey looked up:

'You don't like thunderstorms, do you? How about Banner, does he like them?'

Hulk huffed. Puny Banner.

'Okay, no talk about him. Got it.' Spidey spoke, 'Why do you hate the thunderstorms?'

'Mean. Loud. Screaming.'

'I see: not mean, though. You're not mean, are you?'

Hulk huffed: no. He was not mean.

'So why do you say the thunderstorm is mean?'

Hulk huffed: 'Loud.'

'Mhh. I like them.'

'Why?'

'You need to scream sometimes, right?'

Hulk huffed: yes.

'So does nature. Thunderstorms shout. Nature isn't happy all of the time either Hulk. It just shows you it's okay to shout sometimes.'

'Thunder. Shout. Nice?'

'Yeah, that's right. I need to shout sometimes as well, so does nature, so do you. You calm now? It's wet.'

Hulk huffed: calm.

'Wanna let Banner come again?'

Hulk huffed: no.

'Come on, we'll talk another time. I have a dumb chemistry joke to tell him.'

Hulk huffed: maybe.

'Promise Hulk. I'll tell the others to give me a ring next time you come along.'

Hulk huffed: fine.

------------------------------------------Bruce Banner POV (1st person)---------------------------------------------

I woke up to find a blanket covering me. I was in a dingy flat. I didn't really remember what had happened: only that there had been a very loud thunderstorm and then.... oh no, I must have hulked out.

I heard someone moving around in which I assumed was supposed to be the kitchen. No offence to whoever lived here, but living on the streets might be better than taking up residence in here, though in all fairness: it had been made to look quite homely.

The fold out table that served as a bed as well had a pot of flowers on it. Daffodils. Those were pretty, my favourite. There was a table cloth spread over it, and neatly folded at its end were the bedsheets, which was the reason that I suspected the table also served as the bed of whomever owned this place.

How had I come here? I wondered faintly, shifting and sitting up, wrapping the blanket around me fiercely. The movement in the "kitchen" stopped and someone walked out: Spider-Man.

'Look who returns from the land of the dead!' he exclaimed happily, throwing a pair of trousers and a shirt to, 'Bathroom's over there, you can change into them there. Sorry for the pun on the shirt: I have literally none without puns.' he added with a rueful laugh.

'Thanks.' I told him shortly, quickly going to change. When I emerged a few minutes later, there was coffee set up on the table for me, and two plates of food.

'Dig in.' Spider-Man encouraged me, gesturing towards the food, 'It's dinner time almost anyway.'

'Thanks.' I said again, 'And uhh... can I ask what happened?'

'Eh,' he said with a dismissive wave, 'Nothing much, had a chat with my new buddy Hulk about thunderstorms and how they weren't really that bad.'

'Ha!' I replied sardonically, 'Not that bad?! They're awful! Loud obnoxious things.'

Spidey dug into his food, swallowed it quickly and answered: 'As I explained to hulk, it's just nature shouting. We all do it at some point, and I think you shouldn't hate nature for doing it: slightly offensive to her honestly.'

I laughed as he talked about nature as a person, while also pondering what he said: it was nice to think about it like that. Outside the thunder clapped, and I realised after a a second I had not jumped as high as I was normally wont to do.

Spidey chuckled: 'Still catches you by surprise sometimes doesn't it. I prefer happy nature, or sad nature: when it just rains. It's nice to sit on rooftops when it rains, and umbrella in my hand.' he sneezed: 'I should have really thought of bringing an umbrella though this time.' he admitted ruefully.

I smiled at him sympathetically, wondering who was hiding behind the mask: 'Hope your cold isn't too bad.'

'Meh: I saved myself from Hypothermia just in time.' he answered casually, making me start. he just shrugged: 'Well normally it wouldn't happen but I had to carry you back and was out in the freezing cold for way too long.'

'You almost got hypothermia over me?!' I exclaimed in distress.

Instead of calming me down, like people usually did with fearful eyes, he just shrugged: 'Oh, don't feel special. Spiders can't thermoregulate is all. Honestly, I've already contracted it like 5 times already, one of those times being over a puppy.' he added with a laugh.

'Still, you should do something about that.'

'Sure, will do when I find the right parts for a heater in the trash.' he admonished, then quickly covered his mask - where I supposed his mouth was- in annoyance.

'You made your suit from trash?' I chuckled lightly, wanting to make him feel at ease again: a tense spider was not nice.

'Yeah, I made my laptop and phone from it as well.' he admitted with a chuckle, 'I don't really have much, y'know, so I just have to make due with what I find so I can spend the money I do have on food and rent.'

I nodded slowly, making a mental note to force Tony to get this guy some money. He decided to explain: 'I can only work half-time because of superheroing, you know. I also attend online classes at MIT, which I need to find time for. Which leaves only a few hours for work, and then I also work overtime because my job is fun, so I shove patrol to the nights or late evenings?'

'Wait, how much sleep do you get?'

'Enough.'

'That's the dismissive answer I get from Tony as well, and he only sleeps about 2 hours a night.'

'Yeah: and he's doing great!'

'Are you saying you only get two hours of sleep as well?'

'Of course not, I get at least 3 and a half!' Spidey exclaimed proudly, as if this was actually an accomplishment.

I groaned:  'I can see why Tony thinks you're the best superhero out there.' I told him with a chuckle, 'You're in team sleep-deprived.'

Spidey shrugged and grinned cheekily, his mask was pulled up to his nose so he could eat, which resulted in me being able to see him smile: 'It's a fun team, you should join!'

'How about you join team we-actually-care-about-our-health? Right now it's me, Doctor Strange, Ant-Man, Hawkeye, Pepper Potts, Wanda and Pietro Maximoff, Captain America, The Falcon, The Winter Soldier as well as the Black Panther. I am still convincing the Black Widow to join.'

Spidey laughed: 'Where Nat goes, I go.' he said, eliciting a shocked face from me as Spidey grinned: 'You remember I can hack into SHIELD right? Your secret identities are listen there. Also I met several of y'all already in your civvies when in the area of SI.'

'Oh' I answered dumbly, making him chuckle even louder:

'How's Мама Паук's pregnancy coming along anyway?' he inquired.

'Good, still sick a lot, but now that she is no longer faking being okay, I have convinced her to take medication for it, which has quite improved the nausea. She told us how you found out by the way. We watched that movie afterwards: quite depressing. Lois died!'

'Oh and don't forget about Flash! He's my favourite DCAU character!'

'Oh my yes, I love how is so funny but also smart. They just had to kill him off in that movie I guess because with his intellect he would have immediately solved the problem.'

'Most likely yes. You ever heard about the multiverse theory?'

'Well yeah, what part?'

'The one about that the stories we think up, are actually things that have happened in different multiverses and have actually happened!'

'Never heard of that theory. Have you heard of the nightmare one though?' Spidey shook his head: 'Basically it is that all your dreams are things that have happened to alternate versions of you.'

'Wow, multiverse me is depressing and dumb.' Spidey chuckled, then he gasped, 'Oh my goodness, another me lost his girlfriend because he couldn't catch her?! That's so sad!'

'Well, it's just a theory.'

'Let's hope it's a false one, because that is depressing.' Spidey stated with a laugh, taking the plates away to the kitchen. 'I called your friends by the way, they're going to be here any minute to bring you back to SI.'

'Thanks.'

Sure enough, in a few minutes, there was a knock at the door, and Tony walked in together with Wanda and Pietro. Who gawked around in awe:

'Hey, this looks like that one alley in the street where we used to live in, in Sokovia!' Pietro cried out happily, making Spider-Man stop washing the dishes for just a second as he stiffened.

'Uh Pietro?' Wanda scolded, 'No offending people: Spider-Man lives here.'

'I wasn't offending, this is dope!' Pietro exclaimed, to naive to realise what he had said was offensive. Tony just looked around, then saw Spidey washing dishes and his mouth dropped, thankfully he didn't emberass himself by fanboying.

'Hi Spider-Man.' he simply said, waving awkwardly waving, 'I'm Tony stark. Ironman. You probably knew that.' he ended, unsure of himself, causing Wanda, Pietro and I to observe him in amusement.

Spider-Man laughed and turned, having finished the dishes: 'Hi, I'm Spider-Man, though you probably knew that as well.' he quipped, making Tony flush.

I stood up and immediately Pietro was next to me: 'Hiya grumpy-gus, what's up with the shirt?!'

'What's wrong with it.'

'I don't know what it means. It just says a lot of chemical names with random instructions:
Iodine,
Tungsten, Iodine, Lanthanum double first,
Sodium, Einsteinium, Carbon, Rhenium full, Titanium first, Lawrencium first, Yttrium
J + Uranium, Darsmstadium first, Germamium full
Yttrium, Oxygen, Uranium'

Tony had a pondering look as he listened to the Rebus, at the end his face cleared up, turning to Spider-Man: 'Dude, where can I get those shirts?!'

Spider-Man laughed: 'No clue, the police department gifted them to me for my birthday.' he noted casually, making us all look up: the police department knew when his birthday was. Was it really true what was said: that everyone knew his secret identity, even crooks, but no one in Queens would out him or admit that he knew.

Tony was probably thinking the same thing, then he turned to Spider-Man: 'So under who is this appartment rented?'

'To a fake person with a fake picture, if that's what you wanted to know,' he replied with a smile, 'Like it or not: you want figure out who I am, until I want you to.' he added with a grin. Then he dabed, making Wanda and Pietro burst out in laughter. This day could not get any weirder