Not Broken
The room was tense, almost midnight and Remus and Sirius were sitting opposite eachother in the dining room.
"I don't need to go to therapy, I'm not broken Remus!"
Remus sighs into his hands, why can't Sirius understand that he's just trying to help.
"Your nightmares and panic attacks are coming back, you flinched when I touched you last night!"
Sirius stays quiet, tears forming but not dropping yet.
"I know you've had bad experiences with therapy, but it helps so much more than keeping it bottled up. James and I can only help so much."
Sirius nods slowly and feels Remus' hand wrap around his. "I'm sorry."
"You have nothing to be sorry for love."
Sirius sniffs and walks around the table and pulls Remus into a long hug.
——
So Sirius was trying therapy. Which he loathed.
Remus promised to wait in the waiting room for him for the hour session. So someone could be there in case he stormed out (which has happened before).
But he stayed the whole hour, which must mean it went well.
Once the hour was up Sirius walked out of the room, neither frowning or smiling.
"Next session is friday."
"Which your going to?" Remus asks because you never know whith Sirius.
"Which I'm going to." He says as they walk to the car.
Remus smiles. "That's good! You don't have to but what did you talk about."
Sirius laughs. "Well I was honest and said I didn't want to be there, then I talked a bit about y'know my childhood and family, a short introduction."
Remus nods and he drives the car towards their home. "And then I talked a bit about my life now, you a lot, but of James and Pete."
"All good things I hope?" Remus adds making them both smile.
——
It was a month since Sirius had started therapy. And it was going alright! Until it wasn't.
Remus had left for work a few hours prior and Sirius wasn't doing well. He was crying and felt like he couldn't breathe.
All of his mothers words were getting to him and he couldn't think of anything but how much alof a disgrace he was.
He dials his emergency number, Remus. Who picks up almost straight away.
"Hey love you alright?"
Over the phone Remus can only hear heaving breathing and then. "No, no, please help Remus."
He leaves his work room straight away and heads for his car. "Sirius breathe okay I need you to listen to me."
This has happened a few times before, Sirius used to not call him. Only lock himself in a room untik the panic attack passed. Sometimes ending in hurting himself.
But now he knows to call.
"Love and you there?"
Sirius mumbles a yes through his breathing.
"If you're holding something that can hurt you Sirius please put it down, I'm two minutes away love."
All Remus can hear on the side is something dropping to the floor. He presses the gas.
He continues talking to Sirius until he was in the house, he ends the call when he comes to the bathroom.
He tries the handle but it was locked. "Sirius please open the door, it's Remus."
He hears something he can't place then hears the door click.
He scans the bathroom and sees a small knife on the floor, but no blood which makes him sigh out of relief.
He sits on the floor next to Sirius. His panic attack had mostly passed but he was still extremely shaken up.
"Thank you for calling me."
Sirius nods and leans into Remus' side. "I'm sorry." He mumbles and then repeats himself.
"No love never be sorry, please promise me that."
"I promise, thank you for coming." He whispers softly.
Remus turns around slightly and cups his face gently. "I'll always be here for you love."
They stay in the bathroom a few more minutes before Remus moves them to lie down in the bed. He kisses Sirius' cheek and sees his love passed out.
"I'll always love you." He whispers before taking a nap himself.