Yours Interestingly
July 2002
Granger,
It has been a long time since I have written a letter properly. Excuse my handwriting, I’m leaning on the floor and it’s not as flat as one would ideally prefer.
I have a few things to tell you. Firstly, that you’ve somehow obtained the Narcissa Malfoy seal of approval, so my hearty congratulations on that. She does not gush about just anyone, you know, and her last letter to me was mostly about how great you are. You’ll forgive me if I, too, withhold judgement until I see it with my own eyes. I can quite clearly picture you as a child, but not as you are now. I don’t believe those two people to be the same. Feel free to correct me if I am wrong. I imagine you will anyway.
Secondly, I owe you an apology. You tell me that you don’t dwell in the past, but I still do. I wish I had the strength to move on, to just leave everything behind and not give a damn about the consequences, but I don’t. Perhaps that is because I have nothing to do but sit in this cell and mull over everything I did to end up here. I’m sorry, Granger. For all of it - the slurs, my role in the war, the blatant and constant disrespect, everything. It feels selfish to expect you to care for my son, knowing that his family hurt you and stood by whilst you were hurt, but I really don’t have any other options. It means the world to me that you’re taking such good care of him. It also means the world to me to hear about him and how he’s doing. Like I say, I have very little else to do in this cell, so anything is a welcome distraction.
Theo is right when he tells you that my marriage was not one of love or respect. It was one of duty and familial expectation. I wouldn’t give up my son for anything, but I wish that Astoria hadn’t played such a significant role for as long as she did. It’s generally frowned upon to speak ill of the dead, but what more could happen to me? How could this not be rock bottom? If you’re looking for a laugh, Theo has Astoria’s last letter that she wrote to me. You’re welcome to read it, if you’d like. Apparently, there are some rather flowery metaphors to do with doves that I think you’d enjoy. Let me know your thoughts. To confirm your suspicions, yes, this is my attempt at extending a proverbial olive branch.
Prison is really boring, Granger. Tell me something interesting.
Yours sincerely,
DLM
***
July 2002
Malfoy,
You must know how desperately I wish to make a sarcastic comment about finally receiving a decent reply from you, but I fear that if I make a scene, you’ll simply ignore me again, so I’ll keep it to myself. I will say, however, that Theo is terribly jealous that you wrote back to me and not him. One would think he’s a jilted ex-lover with the way he carries on.
I appreciate your apology, even if it’s unnecessary because I forgave you a long time ago. When I told you in my first letter that I do not believe the mistakes of the father to be those of the son, I meant it in the cases of both Scorpius and yourself. All of us were children forced into fighting a war on behalf of adults that should have known better. I cannot reasonably blame you for believing the word of those you trusted most. If the roles had been reversed, I don’t honestly know what I would have done in your situation, but you felt you had to protect your mother, and that loyalty is, at the very least, admirable. We both have scars that won’t ever fade, but we are also both of the opinion that Scorpius, or any other child, should never have to see any of the things we did. As such, I forgive you, Draco. Pansy referred to me as a friend this morning. I think you slytherins are going soft on me.
Astoria had a real way with words. It’s really quite sad that it was all so one-sided, I wish that both of you had been able to choose somebody to marry, out of actual affection and not duty to your families. Having said that, I did still find her letter incredibly entertaining. Personal favourites include: “Without love, we are birds with broken wings.” and “Our love is magic in its purest form.”. My immediate thought was that love, objectively, has very little to do with magic, but I was perhaps more curious about the rest of her letter. Was she particularly fond of birds? They feature quite heavily. It really takes dedication to mix metaphors like that, so I commend the witch on her persistence.
I will attempt to deliver on your request for something interesting by telling the story of how I met Theo. Honestly, it’s a little embarrassing for us both, so you’re welcome for the free ammunition. I’d been single for a little while, and, to be candid, I was lonely. I still worked in the Ministry as an analyst in the DMLE at the time, and was sharing an office with Millicent Bulstrode. Pansy assures me that you will understand what I mean when I say that I dreaded going to work everyday because I knew I’d see Bulstrode. Is there a reason you’ve got a bit of a track record of women becoming entirely obsessed with you? A family trait, or just a Draco Malfoy thing? I could speculate, but I don’t think you’d appreciate it. Anyway, I saw an advert for a blind dating service in Knockturn, and I signed up without really thinking about it too much. They matched me pretty quickly, and apparently the man was intelligent, a fan of reading, and keen to meet me (you can, of course, see where this is going). I turned up at the restaurant, asked for a ‘Theo’, and there sat a very confused looking Theodore Nott Jr, who was expecting a wizard named Herman. I realise Hermione is perhaps a little difficult to spell, but Herman. Seriously? We decided to stay and eat, and quickly arrived at the fact that, whilst there was absolutely zero romantic chemistry, we’d both found a new friend. He walked me home, and we saw that Flourish and Blotts was up for sale. I made a joke about us buying it, he laughed, and we went our separate ways. The very next day, the man waltzed into the DMLE, totally ignored a bemused Harry Potter who I was in the middle of a briefing with, and informed me that we had a viewing of the shop during my lunch break. To this day, I couldn’t tell you why I decided to go, but it was pretty much the stuff of dreams as we were looking around the place, and you know how persuasive Theo can be when he turns the charm on. That night I drafted my resignation, and the next morning I handed in my notice. We went 70/30 on buying the place, but Theo very generously split ownership 50/50 anyway. I have tried to inform him that not everyone is the sole heir to a vast ancestral fortune, but he makes the fair point that, aside from me, every single one of his friends is exactly that, so from his perspective, I am an anomaly. Do any of you live in the real world? Are you aware that peacocks aren’t typical childhood pets?
Just so you know, Scorpius has already been added to a little list that Theo and I are keeping, which we’re generously calling the exemptions list, but is really just favouritism. Or perhaps nepotism? Either way, Scorpius gets free books for life, and there is no changing my mind, I don’t care how wealthy you or that child might be. Harry’s sons James and Albus (no cracks about the name please, I tried my best to dissuade him) are also on the list so he’s in good company. It’s not the best business model, admittedly, but what sort of godmother/temporary legal guardian would I be if I didn’t spoil the children in my care at every given opportunity?
Scorpius is doing well, and is incredibly fond of feeding the ducks at a muggle park I take him to sometimes. Perhaps he inherently assumes them to be his pets, as he would probably have been bequeathed several peacocks by now if circumstances were different.
Was this interesting enough? I hope it was. I have a tendency to ramble, but I figured you’ve got nothing better to be doing. Would it be crass to describe you as a captive audience?
Yours interestingly,
Hermione J Granger
***
August 2002
Mr Herman Granger,
Since when were you so funny? Is that a recent development, or have I just lived my life in ignorance? Or more ignorance than the other, more obvious ignorance, I suppose. Either way, I really don’t think you’re supposed to laugh in Azkaban like that. You’ve completely ruined the ambiance they try to maintain here.
All of Astoria’s flimsy metaphors largely centred around birds. Alas, I cannot tell you why. She took her quirks and secrets to the grave. You, too, speak of birds in great detail. Is the fascination with peacocks borne of jealousy? I can have my solicitor buy you one if you want, but I’m not sure a flat is the best place to keep them. You probably already thought us pretentious, but I will share that the ones at the Manor were named Bacchus, Hermes, Apollo, and Agamemnon (I wish I was joking).
I always wanted to work in the DMLE. I’ve never told anybody that before. The expectation was, and perhaps still is, for me to just accept my status as Lord of the Manor and while away my days sitting about, drinking old expensive whiskey in a smoking jacket whilst my wife spends all of my money just to feel something. I never wanted that. I thought that being an auror looked like fun, and as the war progressed, the more I recognised how important their job is. I am not so deluded as to think that I could ever do something like that now, but it would have been nice to contribute somehow.
Millie Bulstrode was a mistake on my part. I was a complete arse to her, and she deserved better. She thought we were serious and exclusive, I thought we were a meaningless tumble in a supplies cupboard. Pansy’s always said that I must have veela genes in me somewhere, but I don’t think the Malfoy’s would have permitted an impurity like that to continue down the line. I don’t see how anybody can view something like that as anything other than fascinating. Who wouldn’t want to have wings? Oh look, we’re back to birds already.
I have so many things to say about Potter naming his child Albus, but I will be so gracious as to keep them to myself. How old are his children? Do you think he might be amenable to Scorpius getting to know them? I know that might be a lot to ask, but I don’t want Scorp to grow up with no other children around him. I had a very isolated childhood surrounded by only adults, and it was miserable. Just a thought.
Forgive me if I’m overstepping, but there is a distinct lack of any Weasleys in your letters. Might you tell me what happened? I had assumed the Golden Trio would remain as such until you were all old and grey. You can simply ignore that if you want to. I’m in no position to push, not when I am relying upon you so completely.
Thank you for being so thoroughly interesting. I was contemplating going for a second count of the stones that make up the wall, but your letter made for a much better alternative. To know that self-proclaimed Casanova Theodore Nott Jr went to a dating agency is maybe the best secret anyone’s ever told me. That’ll keep me going for months.
Yours gratefully,
DLM