The Great War

The first time Regulus Black ever touched James Potter started out like every other night in the Astronomy Tower. Once school had started, James’ sixth year, the two always met up late at night to have the talks they always had over the phone.

One specific night, James was particularly quiet. Gryffindor had lost their football match that day, and he felt responsible.

It was his fault, wasn't it? It had to be. He is the captain. He should have strategized better. Maybe then they wouldn’t have lost.

It doesn't help that James has been stressed lately. Being back in school adds a ton of weight to him. He has to be the perfect person; the sun. He has to be the sun.

He didn't have to be that way with Regulus. It was comforting. He didn't have to be perfect. He didn't have to be happy. He could just be him.

When Regulus enters the tower, James is facing the sky, away from the entrance. His fingers are tapping the railing ever so slightly; something he tends to do when he has things on his mind.

Of course, Regulus notices immediately. “What are you thinking about?” He asks quietly, standing next to James at the railing.

“The game.” He replies back, just as quiet as the other boy.

James can feel Regulus’ eyes looking at him. Trying to read him. He was always so good at reading James.

“It’s not your fault you lost. It’s a team sport. Multiple people made mistakes, it’s just what happens.” He says softly, eyes still not leaving James.

“But I’m the captain. I should have had a better plan, or trained them better, or-“ Regulus cuts him off.

“James. Take a deep breath for me.” Regulus says softly, but still in a commanding way.

James steadies himself, leaning his head forward a bit. “I just feel like it was my fault.” He breathes out, a slight waver in his voice.

This was his fault. He could have done better. They should have won. Maybe if he would have changed something or made a better plan or-

“James. James, look at me.” Regulus’ voice interrupted his thoughts.

James lifts his head, meeting Regulus’ eyes. They looked so beautiful in the moonlight. No, not moonlight. Starlight. They twinkled in his eyes, his gorgeous watercolor gray eyes. They almost looked slightly blue in this light. Everything about Regulus was beautiful. He was beautiful.

James really needed to get a grip.

“You did everything you could, yeah? You still played amazing. It was a tough, but good game. You all played amazing.” James wasn’t used to Regulus being the one to comfort. James always did. That was his job. But here, in the quiet, dark of the night, under the stars, maybe it was okay. Maybe he didn’t have to be the sun right now. It has to set at some point, doesn’t it?

“I’m being overly dramatic again, I’m sorry-“ James feels like crying. Why does he? There isn’t really a point, is there? What will it do?

“No. Don’t be. It’s okay to feel like that sometimes. Some days, we just need a break. And that’s okay. Sometimes, the smallest thing can set someone off. It won’t always even be the reason why, it just is what pushes them over the edge.” Regulus was being so supportive, so patient. James really didn’t deserve this.

A singular tear falls from his eye. He doesn’t even notice right away. “I just… I don’t know why I’m so upset. It was just a game.”

Regulus looks at him with soft eyes. “That’s okay. You don’t have to know.” He slowly brings a hand to James’ cheek, brushing the tear away with his thumb.

James looks into his eyes again. Those beautiful, captivating eyes. He could stare into them forever.

And Regulus was touching him. He was actually touching him. James knew not to touch Regulus. It was an unspoken agreement. But Regulus was touching James, which was a huge improvement all on its own.

James can’t help the tear that falls. He just feels so guilty about the game, he feels sad in general. Why? Why does he feel like this? Why is his mind like this?

Regulus slowly wraps his arms around James. Regulus Black is hugging James. James feels like he might actually explode.

James wants to sob. His mind is swirling with everything, all at once. He feels guilty, he is in love, he feels like crying, Regulus is hugging him, everything is moving so fast-

But Regulus is hugging him.

Regulus is there, hugging him. He is running his fingers through James’ hair, comforting him. Regulus, the boy he loves, the boy who hates touch, is touching him. And James feels like sobbing.

He knows not to hug back. He knows Regulus hates being touched. He keeps his hands to himself. He wants Regulus to never let go.

James is shaking, he doesn’t want to cry. He doesn’t need to. He doesn’t have a reason to.

“Hey, you’re okay James. I’ve got you. It’s okay.” Regulus’ voice is so soft, so comforting, so calm. James can’t ignore the slight tension in Regulus’ body, but he doesn’t comment. He selfishly wants Regulus to keep holding him.

James can’t take it. He sobs. He never has done this in front of someone. He always does it when he’s alone. No one should have to see this. It’s ugly. It’s stupid. He doesn’t even know why he is crying. But here, under the stars, with Regulus holding him, he thinks that maybe it’s okay. Maybe he can let someone in.

Regulus holds him closer. He holds him and whispers in his ear. James doesn’t cling back, no matter how much he wants to. He knows he can’t. He still loves this. He loves him.

James Potter is hopelessly in love with Regulus Black. It was well known to James. He knew he loved Regulus.

James thinks he fell harder that day.

James Potter was desperately, horribly, impeccably, absolutely in love with Regulus Black.

That summer changed everything. James fell in love, and he only fell harder.

What’s the worst that could happen? He had to tell Regulus. He couldn’t keep it a secret. It has been months. The feeling wasn’t fading. This wasn’t some crush. This wasn’t him just finding Regulus as a really good friend. He truly, actually, was in love with Regulus.

It started out like any other night. Regulus and James were sitting up in the Astronomy Tower, under the stars. It was a beautiful night for it being November.

Regulus must have had a good day, because he was actually talking. They were having a full conversation. That rarely happens these days.

James couldn’t stop staring at his lips. His voice was so soft and light. He bets his lips are soft as well. Regulus never looked his way, only at the sky.

James didn’t want it to happen like it did. Tonight he was just supposed to ask him to hang out somewhere, and that’s where he would confess his feelings. But here, in the starlight, with Regulus’ features illuminated perfectly, it just slipped out.

“I love you.” James whispers, interrupting whatever Regulus was saying.

Regulus' head slowly turns towards James, face shocked and a little confused. “What?”

”I love you.” He repeats. “I’m in love with you. I have been since the summer.” Everything comes spilling out, he can’t stop it.

Regulus is quiet for a while. He just stares at James.

“I’ve known it since you fell asleep on facetime. I knew I was in love with you. Everything made sense right then and there. I knew I loved you. I love your hair and your eyes and the way you talk and how you always know what to say and do and how-”

“I love you too.” Regulus blurts out. His eyes go wide as he says it, like he didn’t expect to.

James is silent. He looks at Regulus, Regulus looks at him.

“That day in the Astronomy Tower. I knew it then. I knew I was in love with you.” Regulus’ voice is a little shaky. He was fidgeting with his rings again. James knew that meant something was up.

“Talk to me Reg. What’s on your mind?” That was the first time James used a nickname. He just thought it felt right.

“We can’t be together.” Regulus whispers.

“What? Why not? Regulus, why couldn’t we?” James felt his heart rate spike. What was wrong? Did he do something? Was he not good enough?

“My parents… James they would never allow it- I can’t date a boy- James I can’t-” Regulus was panicking.

“Reg, hey, look at me. You’re okay. It’s okay. They won’t find out. We don’t have to tell them. I promise we won’t tell them.” James’ voice is calm and reassuring.

Regulus takes a breath, calming himself. He looks into James’ eyes, getting lost in their beauty.

“And obviously if you aren’t ready for that it’s fine I totally understand I’m really just springing this on you so just tell me no it’s okay I won’t judge you I just really like you and I think you are so pretty I can just stare at your eyes and they are such a pretty color and the way your hair always looks nice no matter what and how it falls perfectly on your face I think I’m in love with you no actually I know I’m in love with you-” James keeps rambling on and on, barely taking any breaths.

Regulus shuts him up.

He leans in, kissing him softly. It’s a quick kiss, but leaves James stunned nonetheless.

“I- what- sorry- I love you- um-” James can’t seem to form a single sentence. Regulus kissed him. Regulus loves him. Regulus and his gorgeous eyes, soft hair, perfect everything. Regulus loves him. Regulus kissed him and touched him. Regulus. Regulus. Regulus.

Regulus was in front of him. Regulus was there. Regulus was real.

This was real.

After that night in the Astronomy Tower, Regulus went to his dorm and almost screamed. Keyword almost. Regulus Black doesn’t scream like a little girl.

He was going to, but instead walked in on Barty and Evan making out again, which ruined the mood.

“You two need to find a better place to do that than right in front of me. It’s disgusting.” Regulus says sourly. He was getting annoyed by finding the two idiots kissing everywhere.

“Well maybe if you would come back at a normal time you wouldn’t have to see it.” Barty says back, pulling away from Evan’s lips. A soft groan can be heard from Evan as he dramatically lays flat on the bed, acting like he is devastated he can’t continue kissing Barty.

Regulus lays on his own bed, staring at the ceiling, the events still playing in his head from what happened. He kissed James Potter. He actually kissed him.

“What happened to you?” Barty asked, a little bit of suspicion creeping into his tone.

“I kissed James.” He blurts out, not even meaning to.

“You WHAT?!” Evan sits straight up from where he was laying.

“I kissed him.” Regulus repeats. It doesn’t feel real. Nothing about this feels real.

“Holy shit.” Barty mumbles. “You? Kissed him? You touched him?” He honestly seems shocked.

Regulus nods. He wouldn’t believe it either, if he didn’t witness it. If he didn’t do it. It’s not like him to do this.

What was wrong with him?

“You love him, don’t you?” Barty says quietly.

Regulus nods again. He was in love with James, wasn’t he? Regulus doesn’t touch. He hardly speaks to people. He certainly doesn’t kiss. And yet he did that with James. He did all of those things with James. He told James he loved him.

And that was the scariest part.

Regulus was extremely on edge over Christmas Break. He didn’t want his parents to know he was involved with James. James Potter.

Oh how he loved James Potter.

Of course they went back to facetiming during break. Regulus was extra careful, though. He refused to call unless he was positive his parents were asleep, and he was extremely quiet. He didn’t want to get caught.

He couldn’t get caught.

Regulus didn’t even want to fathom what would happen. He remembers Sirius. He remembers the long night, hiding upstairs. He remembers seeing Sirius look half dead on the floor. He remembers it all too well.

James probably knew Regulus was on edge. Anyone with half a brain could know that. He was messing with his rings a lot more recently. James always seemed to be staring at his hands.

On Christmas, when Regulus woke up, there was a small package on his window. He gets up, and cautiously takes it in his hands.

It’s fairly small, and in red wrapping.

James’ favorite color.

He carries it to his bed, carefully unwrapping it. There is a note, and a small, maroon box.

Regulus,

I noticed you have been fidgeting with your rings a lot more recently. I may not know what’s going on, or what has you so stressed, but I think this will help. You can always tell me about it on our next call, if you want. Or don’t. Whatever keeps you comfortable. Merry Christmas Reg.

All my love,

James

James Potter was going to be the death of Regulus at this rate.

He rolls the box in his hand a couple times. It’s a soft, red velvet. Maroon. James always loved red, almost everything he owned was some sort of red.

Regulus slowly opens the box. Inside is a ring.

It’s silver, just like all of the other ones Regulus wears. There are suns and stars engraved all around, except for one spot. Right in the middle, there is J + R carved into it.

Regulus is in shock, to say the least. It was gorgeous. He almost didn’t want to touch it.

He carefully picks it up, sliding it on one of the few free fingers he has left. It fits perfectly, and matches the others, while still standing out. It’s perfect. Absolutely perfect.

That night, he called James right away. He didn’t even think about his parents.

Right when James picks up, Regulus starts talking. That has probably never happened before.

“Thank you so much, I love the ring. I don’t even know where to begin, it is absolutely perfect I can’t believe you risked coming here just for that I love you-” Regulus starts talking faster, almost like rambling.

“Hey, slow down love.” James laughs. “You’re welcome, it really wasn’t much.”

Regulus said that he loves James. Again. He really needed to get a grip.

“I love you too, by the way.” James says softly, smiling.

Even over a grainy facetime, James looked perfect. His messy but somehow acceptable hair, his dark eyes, his crooked glasses, everything. He was perfect.

James Potter was perfect.

“Wasn’t much? James, it’s perfect.” Regulus is shocked. How can James not know it was the absolute perfect gift he could have ever received?

“The stars, the sun, our initials! You put our initials! It’s the perfect gift. It matches my other ones, but still stands out. I love it so much.”

James just smiles at him through the camera.

Regulus looks back. “You said that so I would ramble, didn’t you?”

“Maybe.” James says, still smiling. “I know you don’t get to talk much at home. Figured you could use some time to just talk. Uninterrupted.”

Regulus is quiet for a bit. “Thank you.” He says quietly. “For everything. The ring, letting me talk, putting up with me, all of it. Thank you.”

“Anytime my love.” James was always so kind. And gentle. How was he always so gentle?

James was Regulus’ sun. He provided the warmth he couldn’t get on his own. He was the light, the only thing that could keep Regulus here.

His warm, dark brown eyes were the light Regulus followed. James was the light. His James.

His sun.

James was real. He was there, real. He cared.

Love was real.

And until now, Regulus didn’t think it was. But it is. And he loves. Regulus loves James. He loves.

And he is loved.

Regulus is broken out of his thoughts by hearing a dorm slam.

He forgot to wait until his parents were asleep.

“Reg? Reg what’s wrong?” James is immediately concerned.

“I forgot to wait.” He says quickly. “I have to let you go, I’m sorry I promise I will call right back when they are asleep-” Regulus is talking as fast as possible before he ends the call, hiding his phone right as his mother comes in.

“Want to tell me why I can hear you from our bedroom?” His mother asks sternly, standing in the doorway.

“My friends were just wishing me a Merry Christmas mother. I’m sorry, I should have kept it down. I won’t do it again.” Any emotion that he had previously was gone. He doesn’t look directly at her, just in that direction. He was scared of what he would find in her eyes.

“Come here. Now.” She was pissed. Regulus could tell by her voice. He didn’t need to see her to know it was going to be a while before he got to call James back.

One hour, twenty-one minutes, and 47 seconds later, Regulus finally calls James. He counted that exact time.

He does this when he needs to distract himself. He counts. He needs everything to be exact. Perfect. He needs it to be perfect.

When he calls James, he is on the bathroom floor. It’s a bit easier to talk in there, it’s farther from his parents.

He has a cut on his cheek, some glass in his hair, and looks out of it.

“Reg? My love? What happened?”

“Coffee table.” He says quietly. Out of all things, Regulus just wants to be held right now. Regulus Black, the boy who hates touch, wants James to hold him.

He was so fucked.

“I swear to god- I’m going to kill your mother.” James sighs. “Is there anything I can do?” He asks quietly.

Regulus is quiet. They both know nothing can really be done, they aren’t together. Regulus is in his cold house, on the hard bathroom tile, and James is in his warm home, the one filled with love.

The difference between a house and a home.

James’ eyes suddenly get that sparkle. That sparkle they get when he thinks of something that will most likely end horribly.

“What if I snuck over, pulled you out the window, and took care of you?” He says softly, a smile forming.

“Are you insane?” Regulus says, finally looking at the camera.

“I’m not kidding. Tonight. I will come. I swear. I will leave right now. I want you.” James was actually being serious. He was getting up, grabbing his phone and changing clothes.

“James this isn’t safe- please don’t-” He was already out the door.

12 minutes and 42 seconds later, James is looking at Regulus’ window. Regulus hasn’t got off the floor.

The window was open. Regulus never locked it from that morning.

James comes in, knocking quietly on the bathroom door. “Reg? You still in there?” He asks quietly.

“Yeah.” It’s quiet, a whisper, but it’s all Regulus wants to say. He doesn’t want to talk. He wants James.

James enters, slowly opening the door, being careful. Regulus is still curled against the wall, staring off into space.

“Love.” James says quietly. Regulus looks so small, so close, yet so distant.

“I want you.” He says quietly. “Please.” His voice breaks. Regulus has never wanted to be touched. But he did now. He wanted James.

James moves to him, sitting next to him, and pulling him into his arms.

Regulus immediately curls up in his arms, thankful to have someone there. Someone who actually cares.

“I’ve got you love, you’re okay.” James says softly, fingers in Regulus’ hair.

After a while, Regulus slowly comes out of his mind.

“I love you.” He says quietly. James was so warm.

“I love you too, Reg. I always will.” James kisses the top of his head softly.

That was the best Christmas Regulus had ever had, despite what happened with his mother. James brought him hope. He hasn’t had that since him and Sirius were little. That hope, that small comfort after a beating.

James was his hope, his everything, his reason. James was what Regulus needed. He was that comfort. That small thing Regulus hasn’t had in so long. James was everything and more to Regulus.

And maybe, maybe that was okay. Maybe they would be okay.

The Sun is a star. A ball of light.

Some might say comparing Regulus to a star and James to the Sun is unfair. How can two very different people be one in the same?

They both burn. They both will eventually crash. They both will die out. They are both stars.

But one has more heat and light to give. One has more reason to help.

James is the Sun because he gives so much. He keeps giving and giving. It’s what he does.

Regulus is a star because he is a small, tiny dot of light. There is barely any left. But for the people who care, the people who truly want to see, there is light.

James Potter and Regulus Black have more in common than what meets the eye.