The Great War

James Potter was a miracle to his parents. They thought they would never have kids. Then they had James.

They loved him with everything they had. All of their hearts, bodies, and souls. Everything. He was their whole world.

So now James Potter loves with everything he has. He will give everything to show his love. He is the sun. He gives and gives, making people happy.

It’s all he knows how to do.

When Sirius Black was sorted into Gryffindor, the first Black to do so, James loved him with everything. James gave him the love he would never get back home.

He didn’t know Sirius had a brother.

Sirius always said James was his brother- he assumed Sirius was an only child who dreamed of having a sibling. James liked being an only child. He got all the love from his parents, he was the only one.

“Is that your cousin or something?” James asks curiously on the first day of school their second year. They watched Regulus Black get sorted into Slytherin. Sirius looked almost mad, but more disappointed.

“He’s my brother.” Sirius says, almost coldly. The word “brother” had a bite to it.

James felt bad for Regulus.

He made it his mission to make Regulus Black his friend. To give Regulus the love he didn’t get at home.

It became more than just friends.

James was always in the middle of the Black Brothers. The constant arguing, fighting, crying. All of it.

He was there for Regulus when he sobbed in James’ arms up in the Astronomy Tower, saying how much he wanted his brother back. When he cried about his parents and their treatment. Their stupid rules and beliefs, forced upon them.

He was there for Sirius when he complained about how stupid Regulus was, when he begged the god he didn’t believe in to let his brother be free from the wrath of their parents, to stop following their every order.

He was there for both of them after their fights, Sirius complaining and wishing for a different life, while Regulus just laid in James’ arms silently. Sometimes he cried. Either way, few words were shared.

Nights in the Astronomy Tower were James’ favorite. Whether they were simply staring at the stars in silence, or Regulus was pointing things out to James, or they were sharing secrets, or they were crying, or Regulus was laying in James’ arms as they quietly talked about whatever, James loved it. Every single part of it.

He loves Regulus Black.

He loves his light smile, the one that never shows teeth. He loves his soft curls, how they cascade over his face. He loves his watercolor gray eyes, with the hint of blue. The way they can tell stories, tell the way Regulus is feeling. How James can tell how Regulus is feeling when others are around and he can’t say it directly, all through his eyes.

It’s something James learned how to do years ago, so he could tell when Regulus was uncomfortable or anxious when he couldn’t say it directly.

James loves with everything he has. He is the sun, he loves like the sun.

He will teach Regulus how to accept it. How to give it. How to live in a life with love and kindness, not hate and abuse. A life with gentle touches, not harsh ones.

He will help Regulus, because that’s what James does, isn’t it?

He helps.

James can see it in Regulus’ eyes. He feels uncomfortable.

James gets it, though. It’s an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people and all that. He would never judge Regulus for feeling uncomfortable and anxious.

Regulus spends most of his time in the basement. He even sleeps down there sometimes. James is there with him as much as possible. But he still gives Regulus space. He knows how much Regulus likes some peace and quiet- to be alone.

James hates being alone.

Everyone was surprised when they got together. They are complete opposites.

James is loud, Regulus is quiet. James likes movies, Regulus likes books. James likes action, Regulus likes literature and poetry. James is a golden retriever, Regulus is a black cat. James expresses his thoughts and feelings, Regulus bottles them up. James is bright like the sun, Regulus is dark like the night sky.

To James, he is a star in all that darkness of the night. A small glimmer of light in all the dark.

James gets to see that little light. The light inside of Regulus. The good parts. The emotional parts.

Regulus is having his alone time in the basement. So James is left alone with his thoughts.

Now, James is a happy person. He is always smiling, he shines bright, he is the definition of happy. He is the sun. He burns bright. He doesn’t have a reason to be sad.

So why does he feel sad sometimes?

He doesn’t even have a reason. He has loving parents, lots of friends, a boyfriend. He doesn’t need to be sad. He shouldn’t be sad.

But sometimes he is.

What did he do to deserve all of this? What did he do to get all of this? All of his friends are sad and traumatized, all of them have problems, have reasons to be sad. Why doesn’t he have that? Why did he get all the good things, and they get everything bad in life?

His thoughts, thankfully, are interrupted by Regulus quietly coming up the stairs. “Hey love, you need something?” He asks with a small smile from the couch, despite his thoughts. That didn’t matter. All that mattered was making Regulus feel safe and secure.

Regulus doesn’t say anything, just sits on the couch and crawls into James’ arms. James happily wraps his arms around Regulus, kissing his soft curls gently.

James is always gentle with Regulus.

They have moments like these a lot nowadays. Where they just sit in silence, Regulus just needing James’ presence. James likes that. Being needed. He most likely wouldn’t survive if he wasn’t needed by anyone.

Regulus doesn’t talk. He doesn’t need to. James can tell what he is feeling.

Regulus was supposed to be having his alone time. And now he is just laying in James’ arms, not saying anything. James can guess that his thoughts were getting to him, and he wanted to make them go away.

That was something they had in common.

When Regulus needed to get away from the thoughts, he would cling to James, either in silence, or would tell James to ramble about something. Regulus says his voice is calming.

When James needs to get away from the thoughts, he takes care of someone else. Most of the time that is Regulus. Just holding him and either rambling or just gently playing with his hair, it helps James. He likes to help.

He needs to help.

They lay there for a long time, drowning all the bad thoughts out in each other.

Maybe it wasn’t the best coping mechanism, but who cares? They have vulnerable moments late at night, when the rest of the world is asleep. They cry and hold each other while revealing the bad parts. The broken parts.

They will crawl up on the roof with a pack of cigarettes and a lighter, and talk. Quietly exchange words through the smoke. These times, neither cry. They talk about the rough things, the things that make them want to scream. To break things. The things that make them angry.

They will look at the stars and quietly confess things the rest of the world will never hear.

And that was enough.

James is laying on the basement couch, playing with Regulus’ hair mindlessly. Regulus is laying on James, head on his chest as he reads a book.

James likes these moments. The quiet, relaxing moments between them. The moments where they just sit with each other, enjoying the love they have.

Regulus finishes the chapter he was on, closes the book, and looks up at James. “I want to take you somewhere.” He says softly, watercolor eyes looking into James' dark ones.

Funny how someone so messed up has such light eyes, and someone who has everything he could ask for and more, has such dark ones. But that makes sense, doesn’t it? Regulus has always been a star to James, a light in the mix of all the darkness.

James has darkness, but it’s a shadow that barely anyone sees. He has those dark moments, thoughts, in his mind. Rarely do people see it, or even know about it.

“Where do you want to take me, love?” James asks, smiling softly.

“It’s a surprise.” Regulus has that light smile on his face. Just barely there, but it’s beautiful.

James thinks Regulus is so beautiful.

Regulus gets up, taking James’ hand and leading him out of the basement. Regulus grabs James’ keys from the table, and they go outside, getting in the old pickup.

James loves his old, beat up pickup. Sure, the air conditioner doesn’t work, and sometimes it won’t start, and it’s a little rusty, but it’s still beautiful.

James finds a lot of things beautiful.

Regulus drives. He normally does. He likes to be in control. James doesn’t mind.

Regulus has said on multiple occasions that James driving makes him anxious. Sure, he maybe is a little too relaxed and confident in his driving, but he still felt a little insulted. Even so, he lets Regulus drive most days.

Anything to make him safe and happy.

They drive up a narrow, dirt path. It’s windy and a little steep. Regulus would never let James drive them through here.

Regulus parks the pickup up on a hill. It’s beautiful. There aren’t many trees, giving a clear view of the sky. The grass looks soft, welcoming in a way.

Regulus pulls out a blanket from the pickup, taking James’ hand and leading him to the grass. He lays out the blanket, and brings James down to lay on it. They lay on their backs, looking up at the sky.

“No cigarettes today?” James asks quietly, curiosity in his tone.

”No. I don’t want it to cloud up our view. Tonight is the peak of the Perseids.” Regulus has always loved astronomy, and talking about it. James had absolutely no idea what he was talking about, but he still smiled. Regulus talking always made James smile. The way he can rant about the stars, or the night sky in general.

Regulus made James smile.

Regulus goes on about the Perseids. All James retained from it was they were going to be watching shooting stars.

Regulus’ eyes always twinkle like stars when he talks about the night sky. Right here, under the stars, Regulus fits in perfectly. He is a star.

James’ star.

“Look! Jamie, look!” Regulus gets all excited. He points to the sky, at a shooting star. He is smiling. That soft, barely there smile is a little more there now.

James’ heart flutters at the nickname. “Are we supposed to make a wish?” He asks quietly.

“I’ve never understood that. The star is dying, why would it want to hear your wants and wishes?” Regulus can be so negative about those kinds of things. Wishes and hope.

”Maybe that’s the star’s dying wish. To make other people happy.” James says softly, playing with Regulus’ hair.

Regulus rolls his eyes, just slightly, and James holds back a laugh.

Despite what Regulus said, James makes a wish. He wishes for Regulus to get better. For Regulus to be able to accept love, to not be so careful around everyone. For Regulus to heal. He knows they could never just fix all the broken pieces, but James wants to try to glue as much as possible. The cracks will still be there, but it will be back in one mass.

James wants to fix Regulus. To be the glue that puts the shards of broken pieces back together, then kiss the cracks that are still visible and tell him that it’s proof he survived.

Because that’s all Regulus is doing. He is surviving.

They spend all night there, up on that hill. They talk quietly as they watch the stars, watch the ones that fall and the ones that twinkle.

Well really, Regulus watches the stars while either talking quietly about his mind and thoughts, or a bit less quietly about the stars. James watches Regulus as he talks, lost in how his soft curls fall over his face, lost in his watercolor eyes.

Regulus is the only star that James wants to watch.

Regulus is curled up against James, quiet now. Being up all night is probably fueling his mind to say bad things.

“Talk to me, love. What’s going on in that head of yours?” He keeps his voice gentle, playing with Regulus’ hair, like always.

“How can you love me…?” His voice is practically a whisper. A broken confession.

James’ heart breaks. He knows Regulus isn’t okay. He is broken in so many pieces. It hurts James to see him like this. How fast his demeanor and thoughts can change.

“Reg, why wouldn’t I?” He says softly, moving the hand that was wrapped around Regulus, playing with his hair, to his shoulder, bringing him closer to James.

“I’m fucked up. My mind is constantly swirling with all of this shit, and I don’t know what to do. You are best friends with my brother, who hates me, who won’t talk to me. I don’t even know what I think most days until it’s overwhelming me and I break. I’m broken beyond repair.”

It breaks James’ heart when he says these things. He wants to interrupt, to stop him from thinking this. But Regulus needs to talk. He needs to let his thoughts go out in the open. James lets him talk, letting all the bad thoughts and words spill out.

Regulus takes a shaky breath after a long rant, topics jumping around and not being sequential at all.

“Reg, my love, listen to me. I don’t care about any of that. I don’t care that you are broken. I don’t care that you need help. I will help you. I will take every shard, every little broken piece, and glue it together. I don’t care. I will help. I love you. I love you so much. And you aren’t getting rid of me. Ever. I don’t care if you yell, scream, break things, I don’t care. I’m yours.”

A tear falls from Regulus’ eye. He doesn’t look at James. His eyes never leave the stars above them.

After long moments of silence, Regulus finally speaks. It’s a quiet, raspy whisper. “I’m sorry.”

”Don’t be sorry, love. You have nothing to be sorry for. Your parents messed you up. Your life has been messed up. You don’t have to apologize for being traumatized.” James’ voice doesn’t waver, despite how hurt his heart is.

Regulus finally turns his head away from the stars, hiding his face in James' shoulder. James can see his shoulders heaving ever so slightly. He can also feel the tears staining his shirt.

James wraps his other arm around Regulus, holding him close. “It’s okay love, I’ve got you.” His voice is quiet and gentle.

James was always so gentle.

After a while, Regulus stops silently sobbing. He doesn’t have his face hidden anymore. He is just staring at the sky.

“I’m yours. Always.” James says. And he means it. He will never leave. He will help Regulus. Because that’s what he does. He helps.

“Promise…?” Regulus' voice is quiet, just barely audible. It’s raspy from crying. It breaks James’ heart.

Regulus does that a lot. Break James’ heart. But James doesn’t care. He would gladly be broken by Regulus over and over again, if it meant he helps.

“I promise. I will always be yours. I will always be here. I love you.”

More tears fall down Regulus’ face, but he doesn’t hide this time.

So they lay there, on the ground, watching the stars. They are still there as the sun rises. Regulus and his tear stained face, James and his love for Regulus. They are still there, tangled together, as they watch the sun rise. And James feels good again.

The sun heals his heart. He feels good when the sun is out. It’s easier to be happy. Regulus can break him over and over again, and he will heal as he watches the sun come up to warm the earth.

At some random time on a Tuesday, James Potter gets a call from the love of his life, asking for help.

At some random time on a Friday, James Potter is taken to a hill to watch the stars with the love of his life.

James Potter doesn’t need to know the times at which these things happen. All he needs to know is that he loves the love of his life.

James Potter knows that he wants to fix the love of his life, that he will give up everything to help him.

The love of his life is Regulus Black.