Broken Families and Returning Memories (Karma by AJR)
Sirius is sitting on the railing of the astronomy tower looking at the stars with a bottle of fire whiskey in one hand and his wand in the other. “You know, it doesn’t change anything” a voice spoke from behind him.
“What?” He said as he turned his head around, “It doesn’t change anything, plus the ground is spelled to catch you.” Said Severus Snape, the last person he ever expected to see. “I would know” he continued and those three words led him to hear the one thing he thought he would never hear from any of the Marauders, “I'm sorry”. “Why because you’re in my place?” asked Severus, “No,” replied Sirius “but because I finally see how needlessly cruel we, I, was to you simply for existing.
Severus sat there dumbfounded and confused beyond comprehension, but finally answered “I don’t forgive you, but..” he paused thinking about how to put his thoughts into words “…it is a step in the right direction.”
Sirius finally climbed off the railing after them just being there in a surprise to both of them, calming silence for a couple of minutes. Severus let out a sigh of relief, he wasn’t even aware he was holding. Severus did another thing he never could have imagined himself doing before tonight, “Where have you been sleeping? Because…we both know you’re not staying in Gryffindor Tower.” He said with a slight hesitation and a stutter he had not heard since he first befriended Lily before their first year.
Sirius stood there leaning on the railing, gazing and basking in the silence before replied “Sometimes I stay in the common room but then I have to get up really early, so I’ve been mainly staying in hidden corridors that Filch doesn’t frequent or know about.” Severus stared at the back of Sirius’ head in confusion and contemplated if he should tell Sirius about the empty bed in his and Bruce’s room.
Standing in the eerie silence was giving Sirius goosebumps, so he thought he might as well ask the question he’d been thinking about since Snape got there, “So what's your reason for being up here?” Severus hesitated to answer but then he asked, “Do you know those dreams that feel more like distant memories, from like when you’re a kid and shit?” Severus gave a hopeful look of understanding to Sirius, and let out a small sigh of relief when Sirius answered with a nod and an amused whisper of, “Yeah, those can be bloody fucking terrifying.” “Yeah well, those things have been haunting me the past couple of months, and in all honesty, it’s why I asked you where Lupin was,” Severus answered back with a solemn tone.
They sit there in silence, Sirius hesitates to ask but finally thought ‘fuck it might as well’. “So what were they about? Werewolves or Remus himself?” Severus found himself twiddling with his fingers, something he hadn’t found himself doing since Tobias hit him and yelled and yelled and yelled. “Uhmmm….both?” Severus said with an uncertain gaze. “Are you telling me or asking?” Sirius asked. His voice was filled with a strange mix of amusement and…fondness.
Surprisingly Severus relaxed with the hint of banter and replied with a quick “Oh fuck off, it was a bit of both one minute I would be holding what appears to be a dying Lupin but so much younger, and the next thing I know Greyback is cradling him so kindly and it’s so out of place for all the blood covering us and the huge bite in Lupin’s side and there just blood everywhere.” At this point, Severus can't stop hyperventilating but the amused yet broken sound of his voice makes Sirius take action and just walk over to Severus and hug him, and get them both on the ground never once letting go of Severus throughout his breakdown. “ Hey hey listen to my breathing…. Breathe with me...there you go slowly in and out.” Sirius tried to get Severus to calm down with a panicked expression on his face, slowly getting Severus’ breathing back to normal.
“Hey there, back with me?” “Yeah ...I'm breathing better” Severus replied to Sirius in an exasperated tone yet he was thankful because Bruce would, without a doubt, kill him for handling it on his own. “Thanks. You know you didn’t have to do that” “We both know I did or else you would’ve passed out.” Sirius replies with light amusement in his voice.” Severus sits back up after Sirius stops hugging him and hesitates before he finally tells Sirius, “Uhm…there’s an extra bed in Bruce and I’s room if you want to sleep on a bed?”
Sirius sat there in stunned silence before he replied “Why not?” with a shrug and a half smile. Without hesitation and with a little struggle he gets up, he lends a hand to Severus before he remembers he has to get his things. “Uhm.. we kinda have to make a bit of a detour to get my things it's on the way though so we should be fine” Severus didn’t hesitate before replying “Yeah I expected that it’s fine, but how are we gonna avoid Filch?” “The same way the Marauders and I got away with everything...secret passageways.”
Sirius makes his way out of the tower and keeps look-out while Severus gets out, and once he is down he turns to him and says “You ready? We have to be quick with this” Severus fixes himself and whispers “Yup all ready.” “Okay let’s go this way “ Sirius grabs his hand without any thought and starts scurrying away dragging Severus behind him. They thankfully make it to the cupboard where Sirius' clothes and things are, he drops Severus' hand without much thought and grabs the rest of his things. Severus is caught by surprise by the feeling of disappointment and dread from Sirius letting go of his hand but he ignores it as he does with many of his emotions.
“You ready to go Black?” “Please you’re giving me a place to sleep, something NONE of my friends have done..so call me Sirius plus, Mr. Black makes me sound like my dad or Uncle Cynugus.” “Fine…I guess you can call me Severus then but none of those stupid little nicknames” he says with an amused chuckle. Sirius turns around with an offended but amused look on his face holding his hand to his chest and says in a hushed voice “Stupid!..my nicknames are fabulous” “STUDENTS OUT OF BED” “Fuck…Filch” Severus grabs Sirius’ hand to pull him up, turns, and starts running. “Wait-wait this way…this way” “Sirius that’s a fucking dead end” Sirius momentarily turns to Severus and beggingly says “I haven’t screwed you over this long..just…trust me..please” Severus mulls then he hears Filch getting closer when he scoffs and says “Fuck it, let's go.”
They make it to a small corridor when Sirius drags Severus toward a torch and pulls on the handle, as a passage slowly opens Severus just stares at him with a dumbfounded expression. “STUDENTS OUT OF BED” They both turn to each other and run inside,
They turn around and watch as the wall closes right in front of them while hearing Filch’s voice come closer but become muffled. “Come this way it should leave us right in front of the Slytherin entrance” After a couple of turns and even walking down a couple of flights of stairs they made a left turn and Sirius said, “Here, this is where we need to exit.” After doing a small combination of taps with his wand on the bricks, similar to the procedure when entering Diagon Alley from the Leaky Cauldron. When they walk out they end up exiting the wall right next to the Entrance.
“What the fuck…so that’s how you idiots always got away with all your stupid shit” Severus let out a couple of exasperated chuckles and punched Sirius on the arm. “Hah..that was a workout...Now let's go, we got to get into bed and plan how tomorrow is going to go.” Sirius turns to Severus watching him walk to the Entrance and says “Plan? Tomorrow?” Severus looked back at Sirius as he opened the door and said “One. Are you stupid? Never mind don’t answer that. Two. I know you weren't paying attention, so just so you know the password is Salazar Slytherin.” Severus said with an exasperated tone as they made their way through the common room and up the stairs when they got in front of Severus’s dorm room he turned back to Sirius to finish his tirade. “And three. Yes a fucking plan, we both know shit is weird right now and neither of us wants a target on our backs cause that’s what’s going to happen if we get seen together.” Sirius looks Severus dead in the eyes and they are filled with that glint of terror that accompanies a prank or a terrorization of Severus. “Orrrrr we could go with a Reign of Chaos”
“I hate that I’m curious about the direction of that plan, but let’s wait till Bruce wakes up so we have some voice of reason” Severus answers Sirius’ stupidity with a chuckle. Severus leads Sirius into the dorm and says “We used to have a third but he left and well we both know you don’t have a problem with fags so I’m just going give you a heads up Bruce and I share a bed. Sooooo” “Yeah no I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I’ve had MY realization that I’m into men, more specifically Moony.” Sirius said with a look that was a mixture of guilt and adoration. “If you liked him so much why did you tell me where he was?... Shit that came out wro-” “No it’s fine I get what you mean, I honestly don’t know it was like I wasn’t in control of my own body and afterward it felt like I had done the right thing by telling you. Like something good was going come out of it even though we both know that was just a load bullshit.”
Neither of them noticed that Bruce Mulciber had woken up and had heard half of their conversation, and were startled when all of a sudden they heard a deep, tired, and irritated “Since when are we all buddy-buddy with Black??” Severus and Sirius turn to Bruce with a bit of hesitation and Severus stutters out a “s-ss-sor-r-r-y” Bruce looks at Severus, his face full of apologies, and says “Shit I’m so sorry Sev I-i wasn’t thinking” Sirius feels so out of place as he watches Mulciber pull Severus into a tight embrace that he slowly starts to back up and only stopped due to the hard stare Mulciber was giving him that conveyed the words “Don’t you dare take another fucking step’. So when instead starts to twiddle with his fingers while they wait for Severus to calm down, when he notices that Sev still isn’t calming down he takes slight hesitation before he speaks.
When he finally speaks he does so with hesitation causing him to stutter “S-ssev can yo-ou tt-take a deep breath and try to match your brea-eathing with Mulc-ss-ciber” he waited to get a small nod of acknowledgment from Severus before he turns to Bruce and asks him to take deep, steady, and even breaths.
Once Severus has calmed down the two stay in their tight embrace as they make their way to their bed to sit. Sirius stays standing in the middle of the room trying his absolute hardest to not shuffle his feet. Severus looks up and once again follows the feeling in his chest that he felt when he met Bruce, using all his remaining energy he raises his hand to beckon Sirius over when he sees Sirius walk over to only stand next to the bed glancing eirry glances at both Bruce and the empty spot next to him. Severus proceeds to give Bruce an annoyed look and lets out a sigh while reaching out for Sirius’ hand just to grab him and tug on his arm until he finally drops all his things on the ground next to him and sits down.
With an irritated sigh, Severus says “Can we just go to sleep and or argue about this in the morning?” Bruce tries to counter and is quickly cut off with Severus saying “We both know better than anyone that his ‘friends’ want nothing to do with him.” Mulciber doesn’t even get to think of countering Severus a second time before he continues his second tirade of the night, “Plus you both practical furnaces, and I'm freezing” Both boys on either side of Severus let out amused chuckles one with a sign of irritation and the other with a bit of worry due to the last comment. Sirius looks over to his side over Sevy’s head and locks eyes with Bruce, he decides to ask if Severus is always so cold. Instead of answering with an actual answer, he deflects and answers with “What is your angle here Black?” with a sneer Sirius can confidently say is worse than his mother’s.
Sirius turns his head back to stare at the upper of the four poster-bed before he answers with a shrug and a nonchalant “Honestly I was just trying to jump off the astronomy tower before he stopped me,” they sat there in silence before Sirius started talking again “I can move to a different bed if you want, I understand that you don’t trust me and I don’t want to cause you guys any more unneeded stress” The only issue is that when he went to stand up Severus rushes grabs his arm with death like strength and doesn’t let go even when Sirius sits back down, thankfully Severus does start to slowly relax, but never let go of, his hold on Sirius’ arm.
Sirius lets out an amused Chucle before he says “Well Inevermind then…I guess this is goodnight?” he sits there in silence ready to give up on a response before Bruce Answers with a quiet “Goodnight Black.”