Give up your nights, Dig your graves.

Regulus is going in the cave.

Regulus is going in the cave with James.

He always knew this was going to happen, well, not with James perhaps, but the cave.

The potion.

The pain.

The risk.

He always knew that, was going to happen.

But that didn’t mean he was going to feel it.

Didn’t mean he was going to suddenly acquire some desperate desire to survive.

Didn’t mean he was going to fear it.

If anything, he has come to terms with it.

He has done his research, he has seen the lingering after effects of what he will encounter in person. He has waited far too long.

And if anything, it has made him more numb.

More agreeable to his fate.

If anything, he is only worried for the people he has bought here with him, but seeing as there was no way to get rid of them, he shoves that fear from his mind, attempting to banish it and its lack of use.

So yes, he has come to terms with everything he is about to experience, and he is numb.

Numb to the fear, to the idea of pain.

Numb to all the mental sensations that tend to drag others down, that some argue are there to ‘keep people alive’.

All those sensations?

Gone to him.

But his senses.

His ability to absorb information? To take in the world around him?

Well, they are ever present, they, are something he can depend upon.

So, yes, he can still feel the cold. The bite of the sea, the piercing of the knives the water shoved into his skin on the swim across to the cave.

And, yes, he can still see the water, the tranquillity of where it now lays still, after pouring in from the sea outside, how it has bled into the shelter of the cave. The eerie calm of it all not fooling him for a second, for he knows the creatures beneath.

Knows them like the back of his hand, he has researched after all. And Regulus is certainly thorough.

He may not have the looming dread hanging above his head, a sword on the precipice of dropping.

But he has people of value. People of such value here with him now, and he has educated himself for all of their sakes.

So yes, he can still see the water, feel it on his skin still. And yes, he knows what lurks below.

He has his senses, forever has his knowledge.

But the sensations?

The threat of death? The looming presence and everlasting worry of mortality? No, he can’t feel that. It’s not, there.

He can’t recall a time it has ever truly been there to be honest.

For other people? Sure. Looking out for danger on their behalf is easy.

For only on their behalf can he then can he can see the risk, calculate it from a mile away.

But for himself? The threat of death isn’t really there.

It’s a concept he has grown acquainted with, close to, over the years.

But it’s all.

Numb.

Walking into the cave now, beside James, beside someone, he can now assess the risks.

Having a person beside him removes the fear of the unknown, the fear of something jumping out at him. A feeling of protection in the form of a companion.

But the fear of death? The one usually so far from his own mind?

Well it is amplified.

By three.

By three persons surrounding him.

And he can see the death lingering in the water, the fatality brewing in the air. The rotting burrowed into the ground.

And he feels a rush of anxiety wash over him.

See, this is why he couldn’t have his brother here.

His mind has conditioned his brother to fall into the category of threat.

Not from him exactly. He knows the boy wouldn’t hurt him.

But hurt seems to follow whenever they are together.

And having his brother in this cave?

Well the fear of safety for his own life may join the fear for his brother. He may crumble into his brothers arms. He doesn’t know what this potion would do. He likes to think he could make himself take it.

But he fears, if he can’t? Sirius could never be the one to force it down his throat.

Not that James is much better.

But James hasn’t spent 18 years of his life being conditioned to keep Regulus alive.

“Well this is cheery.”

James’ voice cuts in from his side, and he turns towards the noise, only to see the boy standing there with a big grin on his face.

“See, I thought you were being sarcastic, but then I see that big smile on your face…” he trails off, eyeing the other boy up and down until his eyes fall to his face again where a blush has apparently risen.

Oh.

“I don’t know what you mean, I’m never sarcastic.” he pouts, a hand falling over his heart, “ besides, it’s a perfect setting for swimming.”

“What is this? A romance novel?”

“If you want.” The older boy offers back cheekily and Regulus turns his head away, rolling his eyes and moving forward once more, leaning into the darkness of the cave to disguise the matching blush that has grown up his face.

It’s not that he doesn’t want James here. Actually, far from him to admit it, but James can make even the darkest moments seem somewhat light, and why would he hate a moment alone with the other boy, how could he hate a second of having light embodied all to himself.

But James is a distraction, and he is only here as he knows it is the only way to keep Sirius away. His brother doesn’t trust Pandora- for whatever blasted reason he has come up with within the confines of his mind- and so, he took James instead.

“Do you delight in torturing me?” he asks instead of delving into the depths of questions revolving around how his brothers mind works.

“Well,” the other boy starts, stepping around him so he can peer down on his face- yes down, the other boy is taller than him, that doesn’t run through Regulus’ head on a constant loop at all, “If this is you being tortured,” he points towards his cheeks, which he knows are an embarrassing shade of red, very unbefitting to this situation, “then yes, I delight in it very much.”

And he doesn’t know why James is acting this way. It all seems very… flirty? If you were to ask Regulus that is. But he looks around the cave once more, the darkness of it all, the dread and the dreary that line every crack in the rock, and he sees it.

This is James’ light, his reprieve, his moment to breathe.

Making Regulus breathe, making Regulus blush. To James’ stupidly innocent mind, is good.

It is the light in the darkness, it is James’ nature. So Regulus pushes on, walking the edge of the water, left arm raised outwards, reaching for the feeling of a rope.

When he feels it, he tugs upward, pulling the rope from the water and then pulling further to bring the boat to shore.

Once it has fully settled in front of them, he turns to face the other boy  who had seemingly followed him as he walked and had since paused to look out to the island in the middle of the water,

“Are you ready?”

With a blink James turns back around, forcing a smile onto his face that Regulus can see through but does not comment on, he inclines his head towards the boat with a slight nod and James walks towards it wobbling slightly, so Regulus grabs his arm to stabilise him as he tries to climb into the boat again. More successfully this time that he has something to lean on.

Regulus follows him into the boat with much more grace than James could muster, James rolling his eyes at the obvious display of skill before they both settle in next to each other.

“This is cozy.” James comments, a grin covering his face as Regulus takes it as his turn to roll his eyes.

“Yes, sailing above a lake filled with Inferi certainly is cozy.” He mocks, letting the final word fall of his tongue in condescension.

“I mean, as long as we don’t touch the water…”

“Like this?” he asks, reaching out his slender fingers over the side of the boat and dipping them down, unable to hide the laugh bubbling up when he meets James’ terrified gaze.

The laugh quickly dissolves once more however when the other boy seems to deem it fit to launch himself at Regulus, pulling his arm from the water and thus rocking the boat with his abrupt movements.

“James!” he finds himself unable to stop the scream ripping free from his throat as the boat jostles beneath them, gripping James’ arm right back so they are both holding onto each other tight enough to bruise.

“Are you ok?” he feels rather than hears the other boy ask as his face is pressed so close to his neck, and he barely manages to supress the urge to shove him right back in fear of the boat actually capsizing, despite being sure there must be at least enough protections on this boat to get the sailors to the island, ready to sacrifice themselves to his forms of torture.  

“I would be,” he hisses, “if you weren’t trying to get us killed.”

“Me?” the other boy squawks indignantly, pulling himself abruptly upright, causing the boat to jerk once more and the fear to find it’s way back to the other boys face, leaving Regulus once more trying to stifle a laugh so he can suitably reprimand the other boy for his idiocy, “I wasn’t the one dumb enough to risk touching the waters.”

“Please, I was messing with you. I am not dumb enough to get us killed.”

“You could’ve slipped.” The other boy defends stubbornly, and Regulus fleeting wonders if that’s a trait he has always had, or if it’s one he learnt from Sirius.

“What? Like I did when you launched yourself at me?” he questions, one eyebrow raised as silent mortification laces James’ face.

“I am so sorry.” He begins with earnest, moving himself forward.

“Don’t be, just stop trying to capsize the boat, I’m not sure it will be as nice to us on the way back.”

“What do you mean?” the other boy questions, looking so nervous all of a sudden Regulus can’t help the weird need that settles in his chest to hide the problems playing on his mind from the other boy, but at the same time he knows, once Regulus has taken the potion, he will most likely be indisposed, James needs to know.

“The point of this place, is to kill off any risks, any enemies. He would want us to get close to the island, would want us to suffer by his hand, his own creation, so the boat isn’t a threat right now. However, If an anomaly occurred, in the form of us successfully taking the potion and getting back into the boat, as I’m planning for it to do so today, I don’t know how nice the boat will be on the return journey.”

“Then why the fuck haven’t we planned for this?” James bites out, stress lacing its way through his tone, the other boy eyeing the boat with a glare.

“Because it should be fine, he himself needed a way back after he visited with Kreacher,” he felt his own eyes flash in contempt at the memory of his house elf’s shaken form, “it needs to work to get back. I just assume it wont be as steady on the return journey, that way anyone who has taken the potion may be so caught up in pain and hallucinations their movement will just capsize them anyway. I, however, have you, and you can just stun me.”

He expects to have to fight, to hear some sort of argument from the other boy, about not stunning him, morality, or something stupid that would make Regulus once more wish Pandora was here with him.

Instead, when he looks into those annoyingly soft eyes, he sees hesitation, “How bad is it?” he asks, “The pain.” He elaborates when Regulus merely looks on in question.

He pauses for a second, caught off guard by the abrupt questioning, before trying to think of a way to answer that wont be a lie and wont cause the other boys morality to take over his rationality and leave Regulus having to deal with another person objecting to his taking of the potion.

“It isn’t good, I wont lie to you.” he offers slowly, weighing his words, “But I’ve had worse, and I know what it looks like, so I’m more than prepared.”

Usually he wouldn’t be so comfortable at the open admission of his, experience, with pain.

But James being James, and his relation to Sirius, he can’t help but figure anything he experienced growing up is likely already known to the other boy, and has been for a while.

And so, Regulus doesn’t feel half as awkward as he should admitting to his experience in regards to pain.

“Reg-“

“That wasn’t an invitation for discussion,” he cuts in quickly, “I merely need you to not worry about me when the potion starts its effects.”

“Of course I’ll-“

“Look,” he starts again, not wanting to fall into a ‘talking about it’ type discussion with James, “feel however you want to feel, just ensure I take the potion.”

He watches as the other boys mouth opened and closed in repetitive motions until he (smartly) seemed to decide that a simple nod of the head sufficed.

“Good.”

When they arrived at the island, they stepped out of the boat one after the other, after their mishaps they were decidedly more careful in their movements, Regulus even temporarily getting over his awkwardness to grab James’ arm and help him up, given the fact the other boy seems to have as much balance as a tree in the wind.

“Thank you.”

Regulus waited until they were both firmly out of the boat before moving forward towards the glowing fountain like structure in the middle of the island.

The green of the potion filling the basin was lighting outwards from the distance, casting a greenish tint he allowed to caress his palm as he ghosted his hand above the liquid, testing the feeling of the magic.  

“It’s so… interesting.”

He heard the awe in his own voice, but he couldn’t help it.

“Are you admiring Voldys work?” came James’ voice of disbelief to his side.

“It’s impeccable. I can hardly tell…. What is in it.”

“It’s a torture potion?” James’ voice increased with shock.

“It is so beautifully crafted,” he wafted his hand above it again, the green tint growing stronger, “So intricate.”

“Are you falling in love with a potion right now?” James’ voice sounded again, a smile so strong Regulus could hear it on his voice, laughter on the verge of breaking through too.  

“Has a better chance of loving me back than ever Lily did you.”

“Oh that’s cold.” He turns to look to the other boy, worried he may have crossed some kind of line and only sees a hand pressed against his chest and a look of mock hurt in his eyes that he can’t hold for more than a second before splitting into a grin and laughing.

After he catches his breath, Regulus watches the other boy walk closer to the potion, actually taking the opportunity to look at it for the first time, his face morphing into one of displeasure, “That looks deadly.”

“Kreacher is very much alive, thank you.” he immediately defends, trying to dispel the alarm of threat, threat, threat, looping around in his head. Trying to reassure himself of Kreacher’s safety. But of course, James cant let it go.

“Barely, according to you. And, in case you forgot, you have a very different anatomy to a house elf. How do you know it won’t affect you more?” James argued back, quickly and firmly, his frustration clearly rising.

“Please, the potion isn’t meant to kill.” He chose to keep his voice calm in the face of James’ annoyance, continuing to watch as the potion seemingly continued to move beyond its own volition. Its not like James’ worries are knew to him, Regulus researched, Regulus prepared, of course he though of the effects a difference in anatomy could have on the potion.

But James didn’t need to know that.

“What? Of course-“

“That’s what the Inferi are for.” He watches as the other boys face turns green at the reminder of the bodies hidden below the waters. Fear and frustration creeping in at the edges of his features.

“Oh great. The Inferi. I feel loads better.” The other boy responds, sarcasm dripping from his tone, every line of his body screaming dramatic.

“You’re reminding me of my brother.”

“What?” the other boy blurts out, seemingly baffled by the sudden topic change.

“I do not want you in the same category in my mind. Stop it.”

He’s aware he sounds petty, he doesn’t care, he cares even less when the other boy blurts out “OK.”

“What?” it’s his turn to be confused as he whips his head around at how quickly the other boy agreed.

“I said ok.” The other boy almost questions, as if lost to why Regulus himself is so confused.

“Why would you-“ he cuts himself off, unsure where to go with his question,

“Because you asked?”

“James-“ he turns his body fully to face the other boy this time, “You shouldn’t just change who you are because someone told you to.”

The other boy just blinks at him.

“You are aware of that… Right?” he presses when he receives no answer still.

This is not how he imagined his cave experience to go.

Torture? Sure.

Threats? 100%.

Teaching James Potter self esteem and to value himself?

No, never.

Regulus isn’t dumb, he didn’t think James was perfect, no one is.

He had to have troubles, even if he didn’t deserve them, he had to.

And he couldn’t be 100% shocked that the boy was a people pleaser.

But here? Now?

This willing to just give himself up at a simple request?

Regulus wasn’t expecting that.

He watches at the other boy nods his head, but he is such an open book his eyes betray him.

The potion can wait a little bit longer, it’s not like he wants to take it anyway.

“James-“ he tries again, only to be shut down. Cut off by the older boy who has seemingly found his voice.

“Just take the potion.”

And oh, oh, he wants to play it like that does he?

“Wow, so eager to avoid an uncomfortable conversation that you are happy for me to speed up the process of getting hurt.”

“Of course not, but I’m not going to talk you out of this am I?”

“No.”

“There you go then.”

“Still avoiding the question.” He pokes again watching the other boys face carefully, reading it.

“Still avoiding the potion.” The other boy taunts back, matching him every step of the argument.

“Fine,” he steps back slightly as if going to move towards the potion, “Continue being a self-sacrificing idiot for all I care.”

“At least I’m not a self-harming martyr.” The other boy spits back and its so unlike him it only draws Regulus’ attention more.

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that if I were you.” he takes a step forward, letting his presence loom over the other boy even if his height cannot.

“Oh yeah,” the other boy bites back, seemingly undeterred, his bubbly personality gone as he takes a step forward himself leaving them almost nose to nose, “why do you need to take the potion anyway?”

“I told you.”

“Bullshit,” he’s immediately cut off, “You are higher up in voldys eyes, you haven’t been on a mission, he is most likely to call you during the raid, so why ‘must’ you take it?”

“James-“

“No. Are you that desperate to hurt yourself?”

“Are you that desperate to avoid a conversation?” he spits back holding the other boys eye.

They both watch each other for a moment, it feels long, but Regulus knows it must only be seconds.

Some sort of temporary agreement to feign ignorance passes between them. One Regulus is well aware wont last beyond the cave, he lets the eye contact hold a moment longer before breaking away from it just enough to turn around, feet still planted firmly to the spot James’ gaze pins him in, and grabs a dose of potion.

Without breaking eye contact, he brings it to his lips and downs it as if a shot, James’ eyes his only focus all the way.

Pain.

All encompassing, all excruciating.

It was the only thing going on in his brain, the only feeling.

The Cruciatus curse embodied in a potion, he would say he had never felt such a pain before, but he had. And this was so much the same and so much worse.

He could look around for the caster, look around for the source of his pain, but nothing came through.

No sense, no logic.

The Cruciatus dulls the senses, setting them on fire with the pain of it all that they cant pick up on anything else, this, this destroys them.

Blurs of memories rushing through his minds eye, his vision going black, all sense of time and space vanished in one fell swoop, one gulp.

There’s nothing to feel except hot coals being thrown against his bodies, needles pricking skin again and again.

Glaring into the sun.

Nails being pulled off.

Bones being cracked.

A nail penetrating the skull.

A million different sensations that provide nothing but pain.

He feels a hand on his arm, his mind trying to zone in on it, focus, will his mind to register the sensation, understand where the feeling is coming from.

And then it hits him, Inferi, everywhere, hiding beneath the waves, clawing their way out now, reaching towards him, the long skeletal fingers gripping his arm, bruises forming in seconds, blistering. Their grip so strong for bodies whose muscles are practically dripping off of them.

One grabs his face, and he is forced to look into its eyes, the soul there, so destroyed, hardly existing, but there.

A life, a chocolatey brown swirl so beautiful, surrounded by death.

Life and love, and all that was left of it, a rotting corpse that can do nothing but bring death unto others.

Whether dragging them to the bottom of the waters, or forcing them to see how easily life can be snubbed out, how easily one can be destroyed by a death.

Eyes.

A life.

A life lost.

A thousand lives lost by merely being left to watch.

And here Regulus was now, watching, waiting.

Waiting to die, waiting to give up.

Waiting to-

“AH!”

A scream rips free from his throat as his lungs are doused with fire.

Those fire eaters he saw as a kid, the one- the one- the one someone was so obsessed with, he can feel it, the fire burning a path through his throat, filling his lungs with a smoke, making it hard to breath.

And he’s drowning.

And it’s the Cruciatus curse all over again.

And he can see his mother.

And he can see the water.

Inferi.

Inferi.

Inferi.

The hand is back on him again. Two this time.

One gripping his jaw, hold unyielding, the other rubbing his arm, the nails dragging along it with every stroke, the blood begins to prick and run down his arm, falling in waves that begin to drip down and spill towards the water, falling into it.

The water.

The Inferi.

Inferi.

Inferi,

He scrambles up, his lungs burning with the movement, gasping for air.

Water already falling from his lungs with each heave he tries to breathe.

He needs to move, move, he is being pushed towards the water, the water.

The Inferi.

Inferi.

Inferi.

He scrambles again, pushing through the pain that has taken up space in his chest. Forcing his legs to move.

Move towards the pain.

The potion.

He starts to clamber towards the stand in the middle of the cave.

One thing managing to penetrate the ache his mind has become, and it’s to get away from the water, to move.

The Inferi.

He pushed against the skeletal hand gripping his arm, trying to pull him towards the water.

To death.

“No, no, no, no.” he keeps mumbling under his breath as he tries to move, ignoring the fact that his voice is fading, the fire in his lungs burning away as his vocal chords turn  into ash.

The hand on his arm grips tighter.

He tries to fight it again, and again, and again.

But the hand is stronger, he looks to the muscles, barely wrapped around the bones, dripping off, falling apart and rotting with decay, and he wonders, for the brief second his mind lets him, how that hand is stronger.

He pushes against it anyway, but he’s being pulled down, falling to the ground.

And he can feel himself rolling to the ground, rolling down the hill that is the island, the destination, the water below.

And he pushes and pushes.

“Ahh-h—h” he screams again, his voice beginning to cut off with every noise he makes.

More fire is being poured into his throat, swallowing him whole, burning through, inside out.

Melting skin of the bone until his body resembles the skeletal figure next to him, on him, the one holding him down.

He was Inferi.

Was one with the Inferi.

Except his counterpart wasn’t screaming, it seemed numb to the pain.

Maybe when the skin burnt away, the nerves went too.

Maybe he just has to wait a little bit longer.

Maybe it’ll be ok.

He stills for long enough that the hand grips him again, pushing into his jaw, a death tight grip, and more burning sears his throat.

He thought it was bad before.

The fire.

But now it is pure lava.

Hot and molten, and he’s drowning in it.

Fossil.

Falling.

The water.

The water.

He lets out another scream, only for nothing to come out.

He has no away to scream, no way to call out for help.

It shouldn’t hurt that bad, there is nothing to call out for, no help that can be given.

No one came with him, or if they did, they left.

There is no one here, just him and the Inferi, one and the same.

And everything’s burning.

He looks to the water once more, wondering if it could freeze the pain, or if it would be as cold as knives.

A brief memory flashes of biting water, searing his skin.

It hurt, but it wasn’t this.

He moves to stumble forward, working towards it.

But his vision flickers, and the water morphs again, shifting around them. The island spinning in one quick movement, making him fall back to the floor he is sure he never got up from.

The centrepiece of the island flickers, shifts into sight of the water, eerily calm, he spins his head around, too quickly it sends his mind into a blur, but the water turns into the centrepiece.

Which way is which, he freezes. A dehydrated camel unsure which source to trust, which to move to.

He spins his head around, looking for the Inferi, for guidance, surely it knows which way to go.

He turns his head to the skeletal figure in question, and it reaches out a hand, gripping into his arm.

His burnt skin.

He squeezes his eyes shut in pain, unable to let out more than a broken whimper, his voice still lost to him.

The burn is still there, no matter how quickly the hand retracts.

But the hand, it felt, whole?

Filled out.

There was flesh.

He looks up again, forcing his eyes open, and takes in the sight of a boy before him.

Looking so pained, so distraught, glistening tear tracks lining his face, to the point Regulus wonders if he is hallucinating.

Making the Inferi look human, making it feel less scary to go with him.

But he was happy to go.

Willing.

He was looking to the Inferi for guidance.

He looks at the figure beside him.

The human he comes to accept, hesitantly at least.

And as his eyes pull into focus, he sees James.

Sweet, sweet James.

Crying.

He goes to lift a hand, to brush away the tears.

An instinctual response he finds himself incapable of as his hand barely lifts a millimetres off the ground.

He looks down, a frown working its way over his features as he sees the skin on his hand.

The pale skin, a few scratches on it, but otherwise, perfectly…

Human?

Oh.

He wants to speak out loud, but his lungs are still pained, his vocal chords fired.

But he understands now, it was all a hallucination, he is still here.

And-

Oh James.

He looks up, a barely perceptible whine falling from his lips as he meets James’ eyes, they shatter quickly at the sound, and Regulus looks to his face once again, taking it in.

The lingering remnants of fear, the tear tracks so fresh, yet dried into his skin.

But the relief in his face.

“You’re back.” He mutters softly under his breath, and Regulus manages a slight nod before allowing himself to fall forward onto the other boy.

Arms immediately come up and wrap around him.

He finds the touch doesn’t burn anymore.