Give up your nights, Dig your graves.

The nerves were racing through his body.

Which was ridiculous really, nothing had even happened yet and he was already stressed. But he couldn’t help it, the word danger repeating over and over in his mind at increasingly loud volumes.

They were going after the first horcrux, a piece of the worst person on earths soul. They were trying to find it, destroy it, and get through all these defences, with no back-up.

It was, deeply concerning to say the least.

Regulus had decided (per usual because he seems to have decided he’s in charge of this entire stupid stunt), that they were all going to meet at Pandoras place, deeming it safe and a secure location where they won’t be seen together.

After all, he doesn’t want them all to be linked together constantly if something goes wrong with one of his disastrously dangerous plans.

He also knows his brother doesn’t want to go to Pandoras place at all, concerned that she will get hurt by association, and that the only reason he is going in the first place is to ensure the girl in question stays in hiding, as she is only doing so for as long as he upholds his end of the deal to bring her along when they are actively searching certain places for horcruxes.

Which he would understand, if he at all trusted Pandora.

Which he doesn’t.

And hasn’t for a while now.

She was with his brother when he got petrified by a bloody Basilisk. She is the one who told James not to tell him said brother had been petrified by a bloody Basilisk. She was the one who implied he would put Regulus at risk, when she herself is the only one in their little plan in hiding.

She is also the one who basically prompted them to join the death eaters, so if James dies, he is putting that on her too.

And now, they are off to risk his brother’s life once more, and she is coming along.

Honestly? At this point he wants his brother to leave Pandora behind, at least that way he wouldn’t be checking over his shoulder every single second today, and hey, maybe she’ll even stop being such a bloody coward and fight.

Needless to say, Sirius is stressed, and he is funnelling that stress into anger, the way Walburga intended.

A+ parenting, really. He would scoff at the thought if he wasn’t stood at the door waiting for James.

The boy is concerned about him enough, he doesn’t need to add worry about succumbing to Black insanity to the other boys list.

“You ready?” James calls out, hopping his way into the room as he yanks a sock on, stumbling towards his converse.

“Yeah, you’d think the death eaters would have a dress code, those converse are not it.” He muttered back, eyeing up the red monstrosities on the other boys feet.

“Oi,” he immediately protested, holding his hands up to his heart instead of doing up his laces, and therefore wasting time, so Sirius quickly dropped to his knees to do them up for him, allowing James to continue his dramatic statement about how Sirius needs to be more supportive of his fashion statement.

“You said you liked my converse. Besides, excuse me for holding a subtle protest to the ways we have been swayed to. Something muggle in all the blood purity nonsense we are surrounded by.”

“Subtle?” he scoffed back, finishing the loops on the first shoe before moving to the other, James not leaning down to help like some stuck up prince and Sirius is merely his servant, “Prongs, those shoes are an eye sore, I’m surprised Voldy hasn’t been blinded by them yet.”

“As if I’d wear them to meetings.” The other boy protests, standing up once both laces are done up, and then quickly looking down before he made a step, “you didn’t tie them together did you?” he asked, an eyebrow raised in suspicion.

“Trust me, I was tempted,” he grins right back at the other boy. “but unlike you, I was raised to be on time, so no. Now can we go?” he asked, gesturing impatiently towards the door, relieved when James gives an approving nod.

He hates to admit it, because although he hasn’t been out of his house for long, he has spent his minimal time in true freedom trying to shake off all the pureblood ways and lessons his parents tried to teach him. Tried to take freedom in the form of rejecting everything he ever learnt, including being punctual.

But now? Thrown back into that world with his best friend at his side? His brother still at risk? A war on the line? He finds himself falling back into old habits he tried so hard to shake himself of, and it’s not just practicality.

He can feel the old anxiety that being late used to cause him. Granted he would push anyway, rebel anyway, but the anxiety was always there.

And now it’s back full force, home or not, this world, what he left? Brings out the worst in him, he can already feel its suffocating grip around his neck, the concept of occlumency becoming easier and easier as his mental defence becomes more and more realistic by the day.

“Since when do you care about being on time?”  he watched as James joked back, but there was a hint of concern flitting across his features.

“Since fashionably late went out of style last year.” He smirked back, tapping his foot at the other boy in an overdramatic gesture.

Either way the other boy got the hint, and they made their way swiftly out the house, Sirius choosing to ignore the fact that it was probably because James could sense the anxiety oozing off of him.

“Hello, we’re here.” He all but yelled into the house, flinging the door open, resulting in a harsh yell of reprimand from his brother when it slammed into the wall.

They made their way quickly into the kitchen where Pandora was laying out a few cups of coffee and tea across the table, swatting his brothers hand away when he reached for the caffeine.

“Tea.” She scolded him, a stare down ensuing.

“Pand-“

“Tea.”

A raise of eyebrows.

“I’m not budging on this.”

He watched as his brother scowled at the other girl. “Hot chocolate.”

The blonde rolled her eyes before getting up to grab a new tub from across the kitchen, shoving it at Reg when she sat back down. “Happy?”

“Ecstatic.” He deadpanned, and they all sat and watched as the girl burst into a fit of laughter before pouring herself a cup of coffee, Regulus leaning over to pour a spoon of his hot chocolate into it, muttering something that sounded distinctly like hypocrite under his breath.

They all sat in silence for another minute before James spoke up, “So, when are we going?” he asks, trepidation written all over his features. And this boy is such an open book, Sirius finds himself once again wondering how he sat through the death eater meeting without breaking a sweat.

“Soon,” his brother responded calmly, a tone way too gentle for the Regulus he knew in a serious situation, “But I wanted to go over a plan, and Pandora decided that could only be done over coffee.”

A good choice, Sirius thought, forcing the reply to stay in his mouth, not wanting to give the girl the satisfaction of his agreement when he still had so little trust in her.

“Again?” he settled for, choosing to moan over his brothers drill sergeant planning techniques.

“Well, if you want to die, then we can go right now-“

“Oh piss of Reggie-“

“No, I’m just doing what you-“

“No, you’re being as ass-“

“Really, when you’re the one who-“

“ENOUGH.” James cuts in over their childish bickering whilst Pandora just sits back, an amused smile on her face as she drinks her mocha blend, “I don’t think any of us want to die, and going over it one more time will help so-“

“Oh so you’re on his side?” Sirius snaps back, not really offended, but, well it’s his brother, of course he’s snapping back.

“No, I’m on the side of not dying.”

“Do you have so little faith in us?”

“I’m pretty sure you guys nearly died in multiple of your pranks.” His brother speaks up from his side, butting into the conversation that may have been about him, but he certainly wasn’t welcome to.

“Please, they were harmless.”

“You watched our pranks?” James utters at the exact same time, and the table turns to him, questioning looks on their faces on his hang up over this simple revelation.

Regulus spared the other boy a slight glance, “Irrelevant,” before turning his head again and continuing to talk to the rest of the group, “So, I will be taking the potion.”

“I still don’t like this.”

“You don’t like anything.” His brother snapped back, avoiding his eyes, “besides we’ve been over this, I saw the potion in effect, I know what to expect, and if there is a last minute summons from him, you guys are more likely to be required.”

“Well what about Pandora.” He suggests, still not willing to let it go, but at his words Regulus turns to him, a look of pure anger on his face, a glare Sirius has seen many a time, but never reserved for him, this is his I want to kill you glare. His, I might actually kill you glare. “Reg-“ he starts, trying to diffuse the tension, but Regulus cuts in, voice ice cold, stare unwavering, so much so that Sirius feels himself cower back a bit.

“Don’t you fucking dare.”

“Reg-“

“Sirius, I fucking swear, if you even suggest-“

“Reg, I’m fine I can sort myself.” Pandora cuts in, trying to deter his brother from the attempt he seems to be trying on Sirius’ life with his eyes alone.

“Don’t you fucking dare.” His brother continues, not looking away, ignoring all protests from his friend as he watches Sirius, unblinking.

“Reg-“ he tries again.

“Do not.”

At that the table falls silent, Regulus seemingly unwilling to move on unless someone does it for him.

Pandora looks to him, a calculating look in her eyes, but she doesn’t seem mad. She just watches him, an unwavering gaze eerily similar to his brothers.

A flicker of appreciation slipping over her features.

Is she happy?

Happy he is requesting for her to be put at risk? She isn’t protesting Regulus’ plan, in fact she seems content to follow along with it however he wants to go about this as long as she is involved.

As long as she is there.

But she doesn’t seem mad either.

A memory flickers back to the forefront of his mind, Pandora telling him that he wouldn’t do anything for his brother. That she didn’t trust him around Reggie. Telling him things that crumpled his own beliefs towards himself.

She is happy he is willing to risk someone for his brother.

Happy to watch him get rid of that Gryffindorish self-righteousness. That unwavering morality.

Happy to watch him erase all parts of himself that could potentially put Regulus at risk.

She doesn’t seem to understand those parts of him, those morals, where always weaker.

Doesn’t understand that the sorting hat nearly put him in Slytherin.

And not because of his parents, but because of Regulus.

Because the sorting hat could see into his head.

See what he was willing to loose, and it was never once his brother.

But Pandora doesn’t know that, so she seems content, at this realisation, this priority she can see in Sirius.

But she doesn’t seem happy. No, before Sirius’ mind could even go there, he watches as her eyes flick to James.

A millisecond, but long enough for him to catch it.

Would you risk him?

Because he offered to take the potion, he offered Pandora up too. At no point ,since this entire plan started, did he even consider risking James.

No. They both had to be safe. James and Regulus. Regulus and James. His two brothers.

And he would sacrifice a lot for them both. Himself, his morals, others.

He would not sacrifice them for each other.

And Pandora could see that. Sense it.

She gave him one last calculating look before turning away.

And once again Sirius was left with the thought he was doing everything wrong.  

When they finally go to apparate, Regulus has to call Kreacher to bring them there, he can see the guilt pooling off of his brother in waves. Even if Kreacher taking them to the cave is necessary, even if it is the only way to get there, his brother can’t help it, he is a bleeding heart despite the façade he puts up. and forcing his elf to go back to the place he was tortured. That is too cold, too cold admittedly, even for Sirius who despises the elf.

Regardless, Regulus summons the elf out of hiding to bring them to the cave.

That’s another thing about his brother, the elf was meant to die in that cave, he got him out, and now, for his own protection, along with all their protections from Voldemort, Regulus had to order (another thing he hates doing with the elf) Kreacher to stay away, from everyone, their father, him, their mother his ‘beloved mistress’.

He didn’t want to at first. His brother apparently only gave a simple order, one that was intricate enough to stop Kreacher from having to respond to the calls of their parents and therefore out them all. But not complex enough apparently to stop Kreacher showing up at the house the day Regulus arrived home from school. Wanting to keep an eye on the boy.

It was that day that Regulus realised, for the elf’s own safety, he had to be ordered to stay away from anyone who wasn’t in on their plan. Else the elf could be questioned, or summoned, even against the prior orders of Regulus.

And it killed his brother to do it, but Sirius simply reminded him, day in, day out, that it was necessary.

“Master Regulus.” The old elf bows down as soon as the pop of apparition announced his arrival to them all.

He watches as his brother kneels down before the elf, putting them at eye level, equals, betraying his ‘dignified Black blood’ for the sake of his friend.

His friend. Their mother would be so disappointed. Sirius is so proud. Even if it is for Kreacher, the worst house elf among them all.

“Kreacher, I would like you to take us to the cave.”

He watches as the elf goes pale, his already dirty skin allowing the contrast from the blood rushing out of his face to become that much clearer, the elves knees beginning to shake as if he is about to fall down.

“Would you like to sit down Kreacher?” Pandoras voice cuts in kindly, but she doesn’t move forward, giving the other two their space, and Kreacher turns to look at Regulus with questioning eyes, his brother nodding in agreement as the elf sinks to the floor.

“Master,” the elf starts again, voice shaky after he has taken a moment to calm down, “Kreacher thinks tis is a bad idea.”

“Kreacher,” his brother lets out a sigh, dropping his head slightly, “We need to go.”

“You is going to get hurt.” 

“Kreacher, we will be careful, but I need to get that locket, he needs to be killed.”

“But why is Master Regulus the one that must do it?” the elf cries, tears rolling freely down his face as the rest of them look on.

“Kreacher, please.” Regulus asks, avoiding the question, avoiding the command.

And Sirius watches on as the elf stands on shaky legs, reaching a hand out to both Pandora and Regulus, allowing them to grab the hands of Sirius and James.

Once everyone is linked up, he feels the squeeze of the apparition grab him as they are teleported to the place they seek.

The wind whips his face, his hair brushing his shoulders, swatting him in the eyes, getting tangled together until James extends his arm to him so Sirius can wrangle the hairband off of it, removing his hair from his eyes and making it easier to see.

“So where-“ he starts, only to be cut off by his brother pointing across the sea to a little cave opening hidden into a rocky wall.

“There.”

The entrance is so small to the naked eye, it’s practically hidden. You have to know where to look, have to know where to go.

The sea is so stormy, the waves battering into the rock in rapid fire as if trying to reach the people seeking shelter upon it, and there is nothing for miles. The land the cave belongs to looks so isolated in the storm of the clouds, Sirius can’t help but wonder how Voldemort found this place to begin with.

He doesn’t strike Sirius as one for adventures and risk. He is meticulous, and so careful, he had to create horcruxes to ensure his own survival.

Why he would find himself in some random cave in the middle of nowhere, well it’s rather confusing.

“Now what?” James’ voice breaks into Sirius’ thoughts, jolting them all into action as his brother responds, gaze still firmly ahead.

“We swim.”

The icy cold of the water is chilling his bones. Feels as though it is burning its way through his flesh, thousands of knives penetrating, trying to cause him as much pain as possible.

And still they all swim. Almost as if in a suspended limbo, the cave does not seem to be getting closer, nor the rock they were just on further away. Yet he knows, if he were to turn around now, it would be a whole other battle to climb up it once more.

Kreacher is no longer here, Regulus having sent him straight home once they had arrived, once the elf had resumed his shaking, his face paling once more as he took in the waters before him.

They have no one to apparate them back up, nowhere to run to but forward.

So they keep swimming, rapid strokes, arms slicing through the water in repetition, trying to get this over with as fast as possible. trying to warm their bodies with heat from rapid movements. But the ice has clung its way into their chest, burrowing in, making a home there.

And Sirius can’t help but wonder if this would all be better as padfoot, all be easier, the dog side of him enjoying a swim. Chasing James as he would in the forest. The temptation to change now, to make it more bearable, rushes through him, but he sees his brother in front of him, his brother who doesn’t know.

He sees James beside him, with a form who wouldn’t help them.

And he sees Pandora behind him, whom he still doesn’t trust.

And he pushes through, welcoming the bite that is taking over his body as long as it keeps his secret a little longer.

A wildcard he doesn’t want to use in this war, but might have to all the same.

After what feels like forever, reaching the cave entrance, they haul themselves up onto the landing, one by one, everyone forcing Regulus to get out of the water first.

Sirius following closely after so he can help James up, who seems to be waiting for Regulus to guide Pandora onto the rocky ledge before he allows himself to be pulled up to.

Once they all make it up, safe and sound, wet and frozen, Sirius pulls out his wand, ready to dry them all off, before Regulus reaches out a hand, a single palm on his arm, stopping him from any further movement.

“Let Pandora.” And, as if seeing the protest already waiting to fall off of Sirius’ tongue, he continues, “We don’t know the full protections on this cave, if he has a way to do a magical trace, it’s best the one performing the magic is the one who lives off grid in an unplottable location.”

So, admitting defeat, Sirius lets his wand arm drop back to his side, Pandora raising her wand and drying them all off in one fail swoop of her arm.

“Right,” his brother starts again, looking at him out of the side of his eye, nerves coating his features, so hidden to some, but unbearably loud to the brother who raised him, and just as he is about to ask what is wrong, what Regulus knows, his brother turns back to the girl, “can you open the wall?”

The blonde simply steps forward, raising her arm and sending a cutting spell to her palm, the blood dripping from it, oozing down her arm as she smears her hand across the wall, watching as the rocks light slightly, the illusion of a bright light barely concealed by the stone, ripping through the gaps in the way and shining around them until the wall simply falls away, vanishes into thin air.

And Pandora simply drops her hand, the blood still pouring from it, moving forward to look through the wall, seemingly unbothered by the injury she just gave herself, and his little brother hands over some potion, dripping it over the cut on her palm, healing it in seconds as Pandora continues to stare on, unbothered. As if this healer, patient dynamic of theirs is a normal routine.

“Right, no going near the water, only I drink the potion, no tipping the boat, no magic, replace the locket, keep the locket safe, prioritise the locket.” His brother reminds them once more.

“Let’s go then.” And he steps forward to lead the way in, when his brothers palm lands on him, once more cutting off his movement.

“Only two of us should go in.” he watches his brothers eyes fall on Pandoras, clearly suggesting who he wants to do this with, and before Sirius can stop himself- not that he would stop himself- protests are falling off his tongue.

“No, I’m going with you.”

“Sirius-“ his brother tries, already looking exhausted, like they had had this argument a thousand times already, and to Regulus, they probably had, he had probably run through every single possible situation of how today would go, and pictured this argument a thousand times before it actually came to be.

But Sirius hasn’t, Sirius doesn’t care about logic. Sirius is going to fight.

“No, I am your brother.”

“That doesn’t make you more skilled for the job.”

“It means I’ll look out for you.” he snaps back immediately, and he feels James’ concerned gaze and Pandoras calculated gaze on him once more.

He doesn’t need that right now. He doesn’t need to doubt himself, he will protect his brother, he knows he will, no matter what Rosier bloody well thinks.

“That is precisely the problem, I don’t believe you will do what is required. You are too much of a Gryffindor, your emotions will get in the way. I don’t need you to save me, I need you to be smart.”

“I don’t trust her.” He spits back, uncaring that the her in question is standing right beside them, uncaring to even look in her direction.

“That is your problem.”

“I’m not letting you go with her.”

“But you’ll let James?”

“What?” he falters a moment, unsure where this is going, and at the mention of the other boy he feels Pandoras gaze on him grow more careful.

“2 in, 2 out,” his brother responds simply, “if you go with me, you are leaving James out here with her.”

And Sirius freezes a moment, lost in a battle of priorities, lost in a choice, lost in confliction.

He can feel Pandoras judgment, stronger with every moment.

“Unless-“

“Unless?” he asks, eager for an out, even if he can hear the plotting in his brothers voice.

“Unless, you stay out here with Pandora and I go in with James.”

And Sirius pauses, eager to take the offer, it’s not that he think Pandora is a murderer, a traitor, anything. He simply doesn’t trust her, and if she is a threat, he would rather her be one to him.

His own life one he is less worried for than James’ or Regulus’.

But why would Regulus suggest going with James, why would he want that?

“Oh don’t look so stricken brother,” Regulus mocks, boredom slipping into his tone, as if he is simply waiting desperately to go down a potentially fatal potion, “I’m not marrying him, but this is a good compromise, no?”

“How-“ James cuts in, but Regulus barely lets him speak.

“Sirius only trusts us, he wants an eye on Pandora, and I don’t want Sirius in there with me. And you two don’t care where you are, no?” he asks, turning his gaze to the bespeckled boy, arching an eyebrow in question.

“You trust me?” James asks, seemingly the only thing he got out of that whole speech.

“I don’t trust anyone. But I need someone to go with me, and you are a golden retriever, I don’t believe you could hurt me if you tried, especially when I am actively doing something to help the side of the war you are on.”

“So you trust me?” James asks again, a sort of innocent hope in his eyes barely masked by a gloating grin, that has Sirius rolling his eyes alongside Regulus in a second.

“You are very intent on ensuring you understand every single thing I say aren’t you?”

“Of course.” James smiles.

“I trust no one.” His brother merely responds, turning away to walk towards the cave entrance.

“But you trust me more than others.”

“That’s a very low bar you seem to be proud of Potter.” His brother murmurs, still not turning around.

“But one I have passed anyway?” he says with such conviction despite the questioning lilt to his statement.

“I suppose.”  

Sirius watches on, confusion crossing his features as he watches the weird exchange the two seem so comfortable to fall into, as if they are used to. Talking as if this is normal for them, as if James has questioned him before, they have a desire to understand each other.

Not just from James’ end, he can tell. Regulus isn’t pushing the other boy away, and to him, that means a lot.

“We need to go in, we’re wasting time.” Regulus’ voice cuts into his thoughts once more, and he looks to where the boy has turned around.

“Please be careful.” He steps forward towards his brother, wrapping him in a hug that Regulus stiffens in in the presence of company, before awkwardly patting his back, giving a light squeeze to one of his shoulders.

“It’s going to be fine.”

“That isn’t agreement.”

“Sirius-“ he begins protesting immediately, pulling away from his brothers touch.

“No, be careful.”

“I told you it’s going to be fine.”

“Because you believe it to be, not because you are going to put in effort to ensure it as such.”

“Sirius, all will be fine. I will try.”

And well, he will take what he can get, he turns to James, pulling him into a hug of their own, one the other boy responds to whole heartedly, a death tight grip, “Are you sure you’re ok to go in there?” he questions, whispering it into the other boys ear, unsure what he will do if he says no, unsure how to go about this in a way that will feel safe if the two he trusts the most are not left together.

But James, being the James he is, simply nods against his shoulder, “I’ve got him Sirius.” He mutters, quietly, so quiet the other two can’t hear, so quiet, Regulus can’t throw a fit over the idea of his needing protection.

“Yourself too?” he questions.

“We’ll be fine Sirius.” He assures, a steadiness to his voice ending the line of questioning, not that he wants to continue it, he is happy to bask in the assurance of James, the comforting words he has always had to offer.

Live in the naivety that James Potter can bring, even to the most unfortunate souls.

So much so, he chooses to ignore, whether consciously or unconsciously, just how similar his two brothers are, never quite guaranteeing their own safety, rather ensuring a positive end result.

As if any end result without the two of them could be positive. As if Sirius would accept any end result that does not include the two of them in front of him again.

They finally pull apart, turning towards the other two, who are holding off of any form of embrace, and instead are simply sharing a look, some language between the two of them Sirius is unable to decode.

“Ready to go?” James questions to his left, turning to look at Regulus who nods.

“Ready.”