Saturday 17th June 1978.
Regulus’ POV- June 17 Saturday 1978st
Eyes darting quickly across the field, Regulus waits for the slightest glimmer of gold to dart across his line of sight. Gryffindor is already 50-20 up and it’s only ten minutes into the game, he won’t admit it out loud, hates that he even thinks it, but Gryffindor is by far the best team this year. It’s obvious without even looking at the scores from the last games they’ve played, but they are the best. It’s the last game of the year, and Slytherin is fighting for second place, no hope of first in sight beyond some extraordinary gift of a miracle…
So he is desperately searching for the snitch as he hovers on his broom above the ongoing game below, and he’s not cocky.
No that’s a Gryffindor trait ,clearly, it can be seen by anyone simply by watching how Potter runs his hands through his hair whilst whipping through the sky faster than all the other chasers on both teams, he looks like he barely has to try when holding the Quaffle under his arm as he soars across that field with his usual big stupid grin on. This whole game, much to Regulus’ annoyance, is making him look stupidly more attractive than he already does on a daily basis, and Regulus can’t stand him. Not only is he arrogant and loud but he has some big egotistical ‘look at me’ quality that makes him unable to look away from.
His ego.. that’s definitely it, that’s why he can’t look away, no attraction no nothing, he’s just an egotistical, annoying, irritating, hot…hot… so hot…..
Figures it’s his luck, his brother got put in Gryffindor with all the hot people like James (and objectively Remus) whilst he was left in Slytherin with Barty and Evan whose idea of “hot” is biting each other as they stumble into the nearest surface and Regulus makes the quickest escape he can before things get to an intensity he is sure he doesn’t want to know about.
But no, he’s not cocky, he never has been.
After all, it’s kind of hard to be when you’ve spent your entire life with your parents screaming at you pointing out all the smallest faults they can see in you, anything from your appearance to your thoughts, because goodness forbid Regulus has anything to himself when his parents are both skilled legilimens.
He does however know he is the best seeker in all of Hogwarts, so here he is desperately searching for the snitch, knowing his team’s only hope to even come second, is for him to find it before Gryffindor racks up too many points with their stupidly good chasers.
He focuses back on the game, trying to get out of his own head, speeding around the pitch to settle closer to the Slytherin stands to try a different perspective, it won’t do much, the snitch is too quick, but the opposing teams beater, Marlene, was getting a bit too close to him for his liking, and she’s a viscous beater so he would much rather be out of her line of sight thank you very much.
His eyes dart back down to the pitch briefly to find out which team has the Quaffle as he sees it back under Potters arm ( like it never bloody left- he wants to role his eyes) and he watches momentarily distracted as Potter flies towards the middle hoop, about to directly collide with an incoming Bludger before a familiar mop of black curls swoops in on a broom next to him at the last minute and sends the Bludger flying in the opposite direction to Regulus. He watches as the head of curls turns to flash a bright grin at Potter and Regulus’ breath stutters for a moment as he sees his brother face.
Inwardly cursing himself a bittersweet smile creeps across his face. He had been trying to avoid his brother all game, knowing how distracting it is to see him, to see him and just not be able to reach out and… but he knows he can’t, can’t talk, can’t anything. He has been ignoring his brother since they returned from Easter break, and it has been killing him.
He and his brother made a pact before school started, things had gotten especially bad at home for Sirius as he made no effort to dial back his protests towards the Blacks way of living. And he can’t shake the memory from his head of just how bad it did get…
*******
He remembers the night, arguably one of the worst ones of his life. It was one week into the easter holidays and he had just returned home from a dinner with the his cousins Bellatrix and Cissy that he had been sent to after Sirius had pulled a particularly bad prank and his parents wanted him out of the house to “talk” to Sirius, he didn’t want to leave but both of them had always handled anything their parents could dish out, so he hoped, he thought, it wouldn’t be any different.
But he had returned to find his brother left alone, in a heap, abandoned in the library, his brother was shaking so violently without being in any form of consciousness that Regulus felt he was about to throw up just from the sight of it, he left, he left and this happened, he needed to get Sirius out.
He had immediately taken Sirius back to his room, needing to get him away from where their parents could so easily spot him again before even starting to work on stirring his brother awake.
When Sirius had opened his eyes, they were glassy and out of focus as he slowly came back to himself. When his eyes finally fell on Reg it was as if he was finally seeing safety in front of him, and with that Sirius had quickly broken into tears before dissolving further into loud hysterical sobs that would easily incur more wrath from their parents had Reg not placed a silencing spell on the room the second he had gotten Sirius past the threshold before even trying to stir his brother awake. It was almost muscle memory at this point after all.
Once his brother had come to, and calmed his breathing slightly Reg gently disentangled himself from his brother before quickly crawling under his bed to grab a suitcase to begin throwing clothes in it,
“Wait, wait” Sirius gasped a breath in, scrambling up from the bed quickly to try and reach for his brother, his eyes wide, “what are you doing?”
Regulus quickly sidestepped his brothers touch reaching for the few schoolbooks his brother had actually bothered to keep in his room and threw them into the suitcase, he wasn’t packing tidily like he usually would, but now wasn’t the time.
When Regulus didn’t respond Sirius stepped closer again, directly in front of the suitcase so when Regulus turned around he was right in his face grabbing his wrist. “Reggie please, what are you doing?”
He sounded desperate, so Regulus finally looked up briefly locking eyes with his brother trying to hold a deadpan expression on his face, refusing to get emotional about this.
“Packing your bag,” a pause, “obviously.”
“Well this doesn’t much look like you packing does it?” Sirius asked laughing, though his eyes looked strained “not very neat is it?”
When regulus doesn’t reply Sirius tries again.
“Why are you packing my back Reggie?”
“You’re leaving.”
“Ok- ok.” Sirius nods frantically, immediately moving towards the door, “Ok I’ll go pack your bag then too.” He grasps for the handle at the door heading towards Regulus' room.
“No.”
“No?” Sirius turns around slowly cocking an eyebrow as if waiting for a joke, but his face started to look strained again as he lets go of the handle on the door. “What do you mean no, I love you Reggie but you’re not wearing my clothes, besides I don’t think they’re your style.” He lets out a nervous laugh.
“ I mean no, I don’t need you to pack a bag for me because I’m not leaving.”
At this Regulus turns around to delve back into Sirius’ closest, he’d packed his brother enough clothes by now, but he can't look his brother in the eye, not for this, not if he wants to keep his composure and convince his brother to leave without him, because despite the strain on their relationship they have gained since their first year at Hogwarts, he knows it’s against everything in his brothers nature to leave him behind, but he needs him to.”
“Ok I know you are a lot of things but I never pegged you for stupid, why the fuck do you think I would leave you here, alone, no- Reggie- no fuck I’m not doing that. Either I’m going to pack your bag right now, or you are going to un pack mine, because I am not leaving you her with them.”
He said the last word with a bitter snarl as if even without saying their parents’ names, it’s too much to even acknowledge their existence.
At this Regulus feels like snapping, but he’s desperate and anger never gets him anywhere with Sirius, but fear, fear will do it because as much as he despises being pitied he knows it’s the only way to get his brother to leave. So he focuses in, lets the reality of the situation rush over him in waves, the fact that his brother needs to leave him, the fact that he will be alone in this house, the fact that he’s about to do something incredibly stupid and might die before he can tell his brother, and he allows a singular tear to spill down his cheek before turning to face his brother again,
“Sirius-“ he says with a slight intake of breath, just enough to sell it, just enough to turn the tables. He hates crying but Sirius has seen this before, it’s nothing new, and it is imperative to get his brother out of this house.
The second Sirius sees the tear he pauses his ranting and his face falls.
“Reg-“
His voice breaks off, but Regulus cuts in before he can get out another word.
“I need you to leave, please please I need you to, you know you need to leave they nearly killed you,”
He pauses taking stock of Sirius, eyes running over his brothers tall frame as he slowly begins to tremble again, unsure whether it’s the residing force of the curse their mother had likely hit him with, or because of this situation.
“The dark lord, he is coming to power,” he sees his brother open his mouth to retort, likely with some meaningless quote about hope that’s so meaningless and Gryffindor, and he holds up a hand to pause him.
“I know you hate it but he is, and that’s just the problem, I know you hate it and so does everyone else, you’ve made your allegiances clear, so you can’t stay in this house, they will kill you when you don’t show your support for him, and they’ll kill you if you do, because no one will believe you. You need to go.”
“I know.”
Regulus doesn’t say anything waiting, knowing he will continue… he and his brother share a stubborn streak, and while he usually appreciates their similarities, their ever lingering connection, right now he hates it.
“I know I need to go.”
Regulus holds his eye, paused.
“ You know I need you to go with me.”
“No.”
“No, Siri “His nickname, he’s using anything he can anything to get through to Sirius and he sees his brother expression flicker.
“I’m safe here.” At that Sirius scoffs and Regulus can’t help but shudder at the thought of the house he’s in and how he’s calling it safe. “I’m safer here. I’ve never protested their- our ways, they will believe me when I follow him and I will live, they will believe you when you leave and you’ll live, this war is about surviving, I’m trying to make sure you survive.”
******
Now, seeing his brother flying below him on the pitch, he knows his brother is simply doing what he asked of him, but it still hurts, seeing him find comfort in another- another brother, a replacement, Sirius would deny it to the ends of the earth but it was clear even before he ran, he was James’ brother now and Regulus just had to accept it.
The rest of the game goes by in a blur, he’s distracted by his brother flying all over the pitch sending bludgers in every other direction (but never seeming to land near Regulus) and he catches the snitch 20minutes into the game gracefully landing on the pitch ( he is a Black after all) and stares down at his palm watching intently as the snitches wings flutter in his hands.
Before he can look up to search for his brother, and potentially James, he is surprised with a mess of blond hair darting in front of his face before arms clasp tightly around him, fighting to steal his breath. He tenses, he has never been great with touch, has only ever really found comfort from it when it came from his brother, yet he always finds himself putting up with it for her…
“Hey panda”
“Reg, you did brilliantly!” she exclaims her eyes alight with happiness ( not an uncommon visual when it comes to Pandora) and she beams at him as she slowly disentangles herself from him with the slightest nod in recognition, appreciation, for him putting up with her affection. He would never admit it, but he doesn’t mind it from Pandora, not really, she’s different than his other friends, he sometimes wonders if the way he looks at her resembles how his brother looks at Potter. He frowns slightly at the thought and moves his attention to his other friends as Evan starts speaking.
“How would you know, you came in halfway through the game?” he says blinking rapidly in Pandoras direction.
“Oh please, he’s a seeker, I only really needed to be here at the end to watch him win the game, besides I just know.”
At this Regulus raises one eyebrow taking in the dirt on Pandoras cheek, a regular occurrence with her really, but this time it appears to be soot.
“Oh yeah what were you doing?”
Pandoras eyes catch his, twinkling mischievously, “Oh you know, just working on some stuff.”.
No one would believe him, but Pandora has a mean and crazy streak, actually people would probably believe the crazy… but her wicked thinking landed her in Ravenclaw which Regulus thinks is lucky, simply because it allowed her to better hide her more prominently placed Slytherin traits from the rest of the school. Honestly Regulus wouldn’t be surprised if she tricked the hat at the sorting. The way she carries herself allows people to underestimate her, he can’t tell if he is envious of her ability to deem herself unassuming, but he respects it nonetheless. She’s not just odd, she’s crazy and that crazy could rival Barty’s if given the right circumstance, and that is saying something.
He smiles a soft smile at her, one he reserves for Pandora and Pandora alone and begins to walk back inside, his friends flanking him, the thought of his brother only slightly quieted in his mind as they head back to their common room to meet with Dorcas.
Sirius’ POV – June 17th Saturday 1978.
Sirius watches as his brother lands gracefully on the ground, snitch in hand, staring intently down at it, and feels a smile creep up on his face.
His brother never was one for dramatics, he wasn’t one to hold his arm up to wait for the inevitable applause from the stands, instead he would always softly and quietly stand there staring at the snitch as if in awe as the stands erupt in cheers anyway, watching the golden wings probably fluttering against his wrist.
He appreciates the view for a moment, his brother happy, it’s a dreadfully rare sight in his opinion, before he hears a rush of wind behind him and he’s being crashed into and shooting down falling to the ground.
“James!”
Sirius yelled before promptly laughing and grappling to grab onto his best friends back as they continued tumbling together.
They weren’t too far from the ground but they were all tangled legs and brooms and arms as they crash landed, laughter ringing into the air of their win.
“Careful pads you’re gonna break my broom,” James exclaimed rolling his eyes with a grin etched on his face once they were on the ground one big heap.
Before Sirius could argue about the fact that really he was doing nothing and wrong and he would most certainly never attack James in such a way…. An obvious lie, Peter came bounding up to them a matching grin etched across his face as Remus slowly took up the rear, a slight limp to his step he was obviously trying to ignore, but Sirius never could.
He watched as Remus walked up to him a soft smile on his lips, eyes never straying too far from Sirius’ own and grabbed his hand softly breaking the eye contact to pull him into a brief hug before leaning back to grab onto his face and kiss him.
It’s brief, much briefer than Sirius really would like, but it’s the 70’s, and although they’re open about their relationship they still don’t want to push too hard the limits of fate. Sirius would happily scream his love for Remus from the tower-tops, infatuated and in love since he left that house, but he wouldn’t risk Remus like that, not ever, so small brief kisses will do.
Until their alone in their dorm at least, the only risk of discovery being James or Peter, both of whom seemed well aware of their relationship before Sirius ever was.
*******
Later that night the Gryffindor party was almost a rave.
Lights were flashing, where James found a disco ball and strobes Sirius has no idea. The music was blaring, courtesy of Remus – if you can call it a courtesy, no one was allowed within 5 feet of the record player, and the drinks smuggled in were the strongest you could find in Hogsmeade village, courtesy of Peter, the most unassuming yet dangerous marauder in Sirius’ opinion which made him a force to be reckoned with, and when that force was applied to sourcing alcohol, Sirius was always immensely grateful.
Regardless to say, it didn’t take long before Sirius was sloshed.
The Gryffindor’s parties were legendary, especially after not only winning a Quidditch match, but the Quidditch cup and Sirius wasn’t going to let the loss of his brother get him down.
Not too much anyway, after all, no amount of alcohol would ever be able to remove the constant residual ache at the lack of his brother in his life. He would know, alcohol has never been able to numb the lingering effects of a Cruciatus, and the loss of his brother hurts so much more.
Its only been one month since he ran away from home, and it was the hardest night of his life.
Despite the fact that Reggie had almost forced him out the door, he couldn’t help feeling that he left too quickly, he didn’t fight back enough, didn’t think hard enough for another option.
Even now, in his alcohol induced state, he is overly aware of the fact that his brother was right, as usual, Sirius wouldn’t have been safe staying. That was a simple fact.
It doesn’t stop the guilt.
Although Reggie wasn’t exactly safe either, there was no guarantee he couldn’t lie his way through to safety.
After all he had always been smart, he played the game, he learnt the rules of that house and he mastered them. The only reason he still got hurt was because it was inevitable.
Like any game, the opponent will always strike. It can’t be stopped, it’s how games work, even if you’re tactical, but, if you play the game right, if you remain vigilant, you might just save your king.
And Reggie always knew how to prioritise, that was a stark difference between the brothers, a quality Sirius both envied and pitied.
Reg looked at all the moves anyone could make and was always twelve rounds ahead. He kept himself safe, he kept quiet, he saw cracks in the foundations, learnt weakness. And most importantly, he could control his emotions, he could prioritise, he could survive.
Sirius however was a loose cannon, he was fire, he burned himself and anyone who got too close, he was never something that could be controlled, and he certainly could never hide his reactions to something. It was a quality he always used to admire in himself, it was his suit of armour, it kept him safe from the people that were meant to keep him safe. But over time, when he arrived at Hogwarts he had to try learn to reign it in so he didn’t burn all his friends, he almost did once, he hates himself for it, but he is glad his friends could move past it.
But, Reggie is ice, his expressions and actions frozen in neutrality, quiet and unassuming, carefully registering everything until he sees the perfect opportunity and the façade cracks, and the floodgates come.
It’s a rare sight.
But a flood of water can easily knock out one person of fire.
Reggie had always been his biggest weakness.
It’s a small comfort now, knowing his brother has the tools to survive in that house, but it continues to hurt Sirius that he could never protect his brother from needing such defenses, from building up walls that make it so hard for his brother to just live his life.
But their personalities were always compatible, they each took control of what the other couldn’t, skilled in each other’s weaknesses. Human shields of armour for the others Achilles heel.
They had to be they were alone in that house, together.
But now Reggie was alone, in that house without him. And alone in the school too, they had to be, they were distancing from each other intentionally, to make it more believable to their retrospective sides of the war that they are trustworthy, to try come across as lacking a conflict of interest.
It was the first time the brothers had to depend on themselves.
It sucked, but it was survival.
…
For now at least, after all Sirius left that house, not because he would die, but because if he died he would never get Reggie out, that was always his plan. And he will pull it off no matter what side of the war he’s on.
Until then, he will get drunk and kiss the love of his life, and live at the Potters with the only other person in the world who knows exactly what’s going on in his head, and exactly what his plan has the potential to become.
His other brother, James.
The James who is currently dancing on the table, downing another shot and screaming along to ABBA, and all Sirius knows right now, is that he would be a fool not to join in this mess of drunken fun, it is what he’s known for, right?
He can be normal, he can bide his time, he’s never been patient, but he will get his brother out.
“DANCING QUEEN YOUNG AND SWEET ONLY SEVENTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!!!!!!!”
Sirius winced briefly before hoping up on the table next to James to scream the next past of the chorus, loud enough to drown out all the thoughts that were becoming a bit too much.
Once the song was through Sirius clambered down off of the table, albeit a little wobbly with his movements and he landed crashing slightly to the ground in a mess of limbs tangled with the body of a sandy haired boy, he felt a bit of déjà vu.
“Peterrrrrrrrrrrrrrr”
Sirius yanked Peter forward into a hug until he was essentially lying on top of the poor boy their legs still tangled together on the floor.
“Sirius, you’re drunk” Peter rolled his eyes, but a smile was creeping onto his face and his eyes were alight with that familiar mischief Sirius loved.
“And you’re not?” Sirius questioned, looking Peter over, his eyes raking across the other boys body as if looking for a phsycial sign to tell him if he was drunk yet or not.
“I’ve been a bit busy keeping the drinks supply up, I was just about to suggest you come join me in a game of shots before you tackled me to the ground.” Peter laughed.
“AH,” Sirius clambered to his feet quickly at that, swaying slightly “ you my friend are a genius, shots SHOTS we need more shots, where’s my moony, where’s my moonbeam, I’m sure he’s not nearly drunk enough either.”
Sirius’ eyes started darting around the crowd looking for his boyfriend, never one to handle his distance well, before Peter grabbed onto his arm again ushering him across the room.
“Your moonbeam, has had plenty, and is currently getting into a fight with Mary for control of the record player, you and me are doing shots.”
Sirius snapped his attention back to Peter, he would find Remus later, for now shots.
“Yes, what’s the game?”
“Well,” Peter murmured eyes twinkling with the same mischief from before “not a game so much as a race.”
With that Peter downed one of the pre-poured shots on the table before stabbing a knife into a bear can and chugging it from its side, an eyebrowed cocked at Sirius in challenge as he kept going seemingly not in need of oxygen.
Sirius, not one to be upstaged immediately grabbed his own shot and began to quickly follow in pursuit.
Once he had finished his own beer, the liquid still dribbling down his chin, he looked to Peter who was flashing a cocky smile already finished, with a grin Sirius grabbed another can off of the table before proceeding to quickly pierce the second one, downing that one too. Pete quickly scrambled to find another own beer can and they started to race again.
Eventually, as they were reaching for their third, two hands shot out of nowhere, grabbing both of their beer cans from them.
Sirius turned to start complaining loudly towards whoever the beer thief was before his eyes fell on James.
James lifted his own knife off of the table before piercing one of the two cans and downing it. Then looking at them both carefully he handed Peter his can back.
“Peter you seem far too sober, Sirius,” he turned his eyes back on his brother,” you need to slow the fuck down.”
“What- what do you mean, I’m sooooo sober” Sirius giggled as he heard his words slurring together, impossible to deny at this point.
“Yeah, no your not, It’s my fault honestly, I shouldn’t have left the two of you together.”
“Oi.”
“Not oi, you are both menaces who manage to somehow get into nearly as much shit as when all of us marauders are together. i don’t know how you do it- ”
He wasn’t wrong. Sirius knew as such, he had always been reckless and Peter somehow managed to match his intensity in it, making them a combined nightmare for James and Remus to deal with. There had been many times in their nearly 7 years of Hogwarts where him and Peter had somehow managed to cause even more trouble than Sirius did with James. It was funny to Sirius, he reckons Peter could’ve gotten into Slytherin, he was certainly cunning after all, it was a trait all of the marauders share, but Peter most of all, and it tended to come in handy.
“-and don’t think I forgot the time you visited for the summer, and I had to find and drag you both out of a muggle tattoo parlour within 10 minutes of letting you out of my sight.” James’ voice breaks back through the cloud of Sirius’ thoughts an he looks back up at his friend.
For the first time that night, despite the alcohol, Sirius registers his friends tired eyes and worried gaze darting around the room every so often, notices how he seems sober enough but now seems to be desperately trying to rectify that fact, taking 3 of the shots off the table next to him.
He exchanges a glance with Pete, who looks to him catching his worried expression and beginning to match it, it wasn’t normal for James to be upset, come to think of it, was it normal that he wasn’t ever upset?
Sober Sirius needed to address that later.
Just as he goes to open his mouth to ask James what’s wrong James glances to the side again and his expression falls slack.
Sirius’ gaze falls past a cluster of people dressed in Yellow, standing in a cloud of smoke by the food table to settle on the entrance to the common room.
Green top, black jeans, bored expression, blonde hair, manic smile, the Slytherins standing in the entrance to the common room.
The Slytherins.
His brother.
Regulus.
Reggie.
Reg.
His brother.
He hadn’t seen his brother in ages, well, he saw him this morning, but he hadn’t talked to him, talked to him, he needed to talk to him, his brother, his brother, always his little brother.
And oh, he is far too drunk, because he’s walking towards him, and they’re meant to be avoiding each other but his legs won’t stop moving, and his brother is right there.
He just needs to check, just needs to know, to know his brother is ok, and he keeps moving forward,
Forward,
Forward,
And then there’s a hand on his arm and he’s stopping, and he’s turning around and he’s facing James.
And, oh.
Oh.
His face is wet, he’s crying.
James is staring at him and he’s crying.
His brothers here, and he’s crying, and his brothers hugging him, but his brother’ at the door.
And James is telling him to come with him to his dorm room, his voice muffled into his hair from the hug, but Reggies at the door and he can’t see him anymore.
And Sirius can’t breathe.
And his lungs are collapsing,
And his knees are collapsing,
And he’s falling,
Falling,
And he’s dying,
Dying.
And Reggies dying.
And he needs to get to his brother. He needs to get his brother out of that house, out of this school, he needs to take his brother and leave. He needs to protect him.
He needs to be the big brother, the big brother of 9 months, the 9 months that made him responsible, the 9months that is crushing him. The just over half a year of his life without Reggie that determined him to forever be his brothers guard.
He needs to-
He needs to-
“You need to breathe Sirius-“
Ah yes breathe, breathe, he needs to breathe, and Remus is here, when did Remus get here?
“Sirius, look at me, breathe.”
And he’s struggling, but he’ll breathe, for Remus he’ll breathe, he’ll breathe.
He’ll breathe. He’ll get his brother out and they’ll breathe.
James Pov – June 17th Saturday 1978.
He doesn’t know what’s going on.
Well that’s a lie, he does know what’s going on. Sirius told him exactly why he left that house, he told him why Reggie stayed and he told him he’d do anything, anything to get him out.
Not that James could forget, the way Sirius was that night when he told him was incredibly troubling.
******
Sirius’ eyes were manic, darting around anywhere and everywhere, taking in the room, as if looking for an escape, an escape back to that house he had just escaped from? James didn’t know what was going on.
Well he had a slight idea, an idea that had sent him spiralling since Sirius had tumbled through his fireplace and into the living room, bloodied and bruised, no brother in sight.
Where was Reg, the lack of the other boy made James’ heart lurch, he wasn’t close to Regulus, not really, so he didn’t know why he was terrified of what Sirius would tell him when he zoned back into the conversation, but something in him was breaking at the idea that Reg could be…
“I’m going to get him out.”
And oh, oh thank fuck.
Sirius’ voice was shrill, manic, matching his eyes and demeanour.
“Who?”
James’ voice broke, he thought, he hoped, that Sirius meant Reggie. Because if Sirius was getting Reggie out then Reggie was still alive, if he left the other boy behind then Regulus may not be matching his brothers body, he might not be covered in bruises, almost drenched in blood, still in that house, where James is sure he wouldn’t last.
“Reggie- fucking Reggie I’m gonna get him out,” Sirius started pacing then, his hands running through his blood matted hair, a slight limp every other step, James thought he might have strained his ankle and reached out to grab onto his brothers shoulder.
“Hey, hey look at me, we will get him out, tell me what happened.”
“I will get him out James.”
“I know you will.”
“No you don’t understand,” Sirius took a step forward grabbing onto James shoulder, eyes firmly locked together, he wasn’t looking around now, he was staring straight at James unblinking, looking the most serious James had ever seen him, it would be unsettling coming from anyone other than Sirius.
He looked crazed.
He looked like a Black.
“I will get him out James, I don’t care what I have to do.”
At that James understood, he took in a sharp intake of breathe before immediately responding.
“Do whatever you have to do, I’ll help. We’re gonna get him out.”
His mind was reeling with so many possibilities. But he knew Sirius would burn the world down for his brother, either of them.
And James, well James was never one to stand in his way.
******
So yeah, James didn’t doubt Sirius would do anything.
And so he wasn’t even surprised that Sirius freaked out at the sight of his brother, after all they hadn’t spoken in over a month and he knew Sirius had spent that whole time stressing over what to do.
No, what James didn’t understand was why he was feeling the exact same way Sirius was acting, why he was about to spiral out of control at the sight of Regulus too.
He was scared for the boy yes, but Regulus was in Hogwarts right now, no threat nearby, so what was this extra feeling in his chest, why was it skipping so many beats, why was he feeling the same way he did last year every time he saw Lil-
Oh.
Oh shit.
Oh no.
James was about to spiral, to join Sirius in his freakout, when someone next to him grabbed his arm.
Peter, he smiled sideways at the boy, eyes finally leaving the group of Slytherins by the door, before noticing a lack of a body clutching his arm,
“Wait where’s Sirius?”
James’ eyes turned frantic, his breath quickening again for a whole other reason.
“Hey, hey he’s with Remus he took him up to our dorm to calm down.”
“Ok-“ that’s good, ” ok I should, I should go-.”
“No, it’s fine, Remus said he’s gonna stay up with him, they’re just going to go to sleep once Sirius has calmed down.”
“Oh,” he paused, not quite sure what to do anymore, “alright then,”
James began to walk off quickly to a nearby table, grabbing a shot and downing it quickly, fuck he was getting in his own head again.
He looked back over at regulus, who had now come slightly further into the room, following behind Pandora towards the group of Hufflepuffs in the corner, presumably with their weed stash.
The Hufflepuffs were known for their ‘supplies’ , supplies of what most students font know, but it’s kind of become a habit with most Hogwarts students, if a Hufflepuff offers you something, you take it, no questions asked kinda thing. Regulus seemed quite happy to follow that rule, as he joined the group slotting into the circle taking whatever had been handed to him.
Dorcas was missing, most likely off somewhere to find Marlene, and Barty and Evan where off in a corner making out, rather… aggressively.
But James didn’t spare any of them a second glance before his attention was back on Regulus. He vaguely heard Peter next to him say something about going off to get more alcohol. But he still wasn’t paying attention.
His focus was entirely zoned in on the boy opposite him. He looked so like Sirius, yet so, different.
His hair was Pitch Black but he could see the outline of slight curls and waves falling over his neck, just shy of brushing his shoulders. The outline of his jaw was no sharp James was sure it could cut glass. Yet his face had a slight roundness to it, that reminded James of youth, reminded James of the fact that he was only 18.
Immediately his gut clenched more at the reminder that someone so young, someone who had once been so innocent, was locked in a house, left to suffer to someone so evil. He wanted to break something.
And just then James’ resolve hardened. He would do anything to get Regulus out of that house, friend or not. And he feared his depiction of ‘anything’ may go just as far as Sirius’.
One thing was for sure, Regulus was getting out. James would do anything for those he lo-
No.
James reached to his side, blindly grasping the table, reaching over for a shot, all the while his gaze remained locked on the boy across the room. And he downed it.
Before he registered what he was doing, he was walking across the room towards the group of Hufflepuffs and asking for a hit of whatever joint they where passing around.
“Potter,” Regulus said with a bored expression, his voice lacking any indication of feeling towards James.
And that, well that hurt.
Regulus had never exactly been nice to him, but he was never quite so indifferent either, James remembers not long ago, just before easter how he would occasionally manage to win a smile off the other boy whenever he came to the Gryffindor table in search of his brother. Granted, that smile usually turned into a scowl, as if the boy was appalled he could have such a reaction to James, but still, he used to be able to make him smile.
Regulus used to be ok with James, James was his brothers best friend, and he seemed to accept that. But now, ever since Sirius left that house, he had fallen back into a cold neutrality.
James didn’t know if it was part of the cover he and Sirius had agreed to, or because Regulus now resented him for having access to the brother he had lost.
His idea or not, James knew that the distance between the brothers must hurt.
James and regulus used to be friendly, they had some classes together and Regulus was always so smart, it was impressive, James could never get over the way his mind worked, it seemed to piece together what was going on before anyone else. Of course Sirius was always in the classes with them, so he never really got a chance to properly talk to the other boy. Nonetheless, he was in awe of his brain.
But that vast intelligence also made him nervous, the night Sirius left didn’t make much sense. He knew Sirius had to leave, he had always known Sirius had to leave, but did Reg really have to stay? Did Regulus really think he was safer in that house? James couldn’t get the itching feeling out of his brain that the other boy knew something, had pieced something together like he always did, and he was worried of how that would end up.
Seeing Regulus now, standing next to him passing him the joint he had just taken a hit of, James couldn’t help the feeling of dread rising in his stomach.
As James reached out to grab the joint off of him a internal shiver ran through him. And oh.
No.
He turned to his side handing off the joint to Heather after taking a hit and tried zoning into the conversation.
“That’s why Nargles are going to kill us all, after all they have a greatly vaster population than us and we can’t see them as they rot our brains, so really, it’s inevitable,”
And…. What?
Pandora continued rambling on about Nargles? Whatever they were, and James was sure the joint must be getting to her head because this conversation sounded utterly absurd.
Maybe they should start asking the Hufflepuffs what’s in the joints.
He looked around to everyone and saw them all smiling and nodding along, some looking slightly freaked out but trying to hide it, and really he shouldn’t be that surprised, everyone loves Pandora, she never seems to know what’s going on and her heads always off somewhere in the clouds, but it makes everyone incredibly protective of her.
Especially the Slytherins, but now, looking at reg, James started feeling confused, again.
Instead of indulging Pandora, like everyone else, he had a slight smirk on his face as he watched her continue to ramble wide-eyed to everyone listening in the group.
That didn’t make sense, he never fully understood why the Slytherins had almost adopted the Ravenclaw into their group, they had nothing in common, yet the Slytherins were on the verge of killing anyone who said the slightest wrong word towards her.
In fact, someone had said something last week and they had ended up in the hospital wing with nasty burn marks and covered head to toe in soot this morning once they were found after the quidditch match.
But now, watching Regulus watching Pandora, he seemed amused by her conversation, as if this was funny to him somehow, like a joke James wasn’t in on, not at all protective, and James wonders if he’ll ever understand what’s going on in that boys head, any of their heads really….
The Slytherins are a complete mystery to him.
And he doesn’t care, but he doesn’t want Reg to be a mystery and he’s drunk and Reg is right there…
“Hey Reg.”
“Regulus, my name is regulus Potter.”
“Right,” James reaches up to scratch the back of his neck, suddenly feeling awkward, he is not nearly drunk enough for this, yet he cant manage to stop the words coming out of his mouth. “well my name is James.”
Regulus furrows his eyebrows for a second, as if in confusion, before saying “yes, I know that, merlin how drunk are you Potter?”
“Ha… not nearly drunk enough.”
“What?” regulus is scowling now, and James has most definitely gone about this the wrong way.
“I just mean.. you keep calling me Potter, that’s not my name,” Regulus’ scowl deepens at that, so James rushes to add, “not that I think you don’t know my name its just, that you can, call me my name I mean.
Regulus’ scowl lessens as his face morphs into a confused frown.
“I mean, you did once- call me James, you can again.”
“I don’t see a need for that Potter, we aren’t friends.”
“Then why are you here.”
Regulus’ face shifts into incredulity, and merlin James does not know how to talk to this boy.
“I am here, Potter,” Regulus spits his name, almost hissing it out, like venom, “ because MY friends are here, because one of them is dating one of your insufferable lot, and the rest of them wanted access to the Hufflepuffs Weed supply. Don’t think my attendance to these Cocky Gryffindor parties has or had ever had any link to you.”
And well that hurt. Regulus hurt him again, he seems to be getting particularly skilled at it tonight.
“Look,” James starts, “I’m not entirely sure why you all of a sudden seem to hate me, though I have my guesses, but you just- you don’t have to, ok?”
And shit, he said the wrong thing, because now Regulus is furious, he’s pushing one hand to the front of James’ shirt and walking him backwards across the room until he slams against a wall.
“I don’t know what you think, Potter,” he hisses, rage spilling out of his every word,” but I can pretty confidently guess that my brother has filled you in on everything, so either you’re in the dark or you are a much bigger idiot than I thought you were. So let me fill you in,” Regulus took a deep breath at that seemingly steadying himself and started to rant, “ I am still in that house, my parents house, and I know you know what they’re like. And I know you know there is a war going on, one in which you and me, and me and Sirius are clearly on different sides of. Now I made a deal with my brother to avoid each other, so I don’t give people such as my parents or, I don’t know, Voldemort ammunition against me, and so that your side doesn’t continue to think he’s a bloody traitor. So tell me, why on earth do you think it’s a good idea to interact with me and act all friendly?” then when James doesn’t respond immediately he rolls his eyes, lessening his grip slightly on James shirt, all the while still blazing with anger, “hmm?”
But James cant respond because he is frozen in fear. Because fuck, he is way too drunk, all these shots got into his head and he started trying to talk to Regulus, because the drinks apparently dumbed him down enough to ignore the fact that Regulus cant associate with him even if he wants to. And because it hurt that Regulus seemed to hate him, he had accidentally ignored Regulus’ safety. And throughout that entire rant, throughout all of Regulus’ bravado, James had detected a flicker of fear sweep across his features briefly before settling into his eyes. And that breaks James out of his trance.
“Put your wand to my neck.”
“What?” Regulus rears back, seemingly confused, which, fair enough, James is well aware he just made a show of how they should be friends, friendish, he doesn’t know what he was suggesting. And now he’s asking regulus to threaten him.
But Regulus only pauses for a second before complying and leaning back slightly towards James’ face.
“You’re right,” James starts, because if he knows anyway to get Regulus to listen its admitting defeat, “ I was a complete idiot and I’m drunk, Sirius did tell me what was going on, and I pestered you anyway, so keep your wand to my throat, make it clear you hate me and let me talk.”
Regulus frowns at that “I don’t-“
James however swiftly cuts him off, “ Firstly I wasn’t acting friendly,” Regulus scoffs, “I was acting like an idiot, but I wasn’t acting when I was being friendly, this whole situation sucks, and I hate that you hate me, and I hate that I have to avoid you, and I hate that you’re still in that house. Because we seemed to be getting somewhere, some common ground before Easter and we lost that and it sucks and I hate it. But I risked you tonight by trying to act all familiar and I’m sorry.”
At that regulus’ frown flickers and his face falls into some kind of sadness? Seemingly subconsciously.
“I don’t want to be the reason you get hurt,” James continues, “I know you’re still in that house and I know I need to be more careful, and I’m sorry, but we’ll get you out, we will.”
As Regulus goes to open his mouth, a frown back on his features, his mouth downturned, James cuts him off before he can even start.
“I’m going to go to bed now, I need to sleep this off, I’m sorry for everything.”
And with that James makes a show of pushing Regulus aside, a scowl on his own face now, and heading to the stairs up to his dorm, before promptly falling into bed and crashing almost immediately. The alcohol managing to lull him into sleep despite the guilt gnawing at his gut.
*****
Around 6am, James’ eyes flicker open slowly, his eyelids heavy trying to pull him back under into sleep, despite having just been woken up.
It’s some part of James’ internal body clock waking him up for quidditch practice, seemingly unaware of the fact that quidditch is down done for the year and he is immensely hungover.
But before he can go back to sleep James sits up briefly, looking around the room to clock all his friends all in their beds as per usual, when his gaze falls across one bed completely empty,
Sirius.
He quickly gets the map out of his bedside table, scanning it for padfoot name, until he sees him down by the kitchens, a normal occurrence early in the morning when Sirius is especially hungover, he goes and snacks before promptly collapsing back in bed and hibernating till the next day.
But before he goes to put the map back down, his curiosity gets the better of him, and he looks to the names in the Slytherin dorms before finding one name missing.
Regulus.
“what the-“
James immediately starts scanning the map, some unidentifiable worry back and gnawing at his gut again like it never left, before seeing Regulus and Pandora walking down the 2nd floor corridor coming to a stop outside, moaning myrtles toilet?
James allows himself to ponder this for a second, curiosity churning through his mind, before a yawn over takes him, and he decides to ignore it and go back to sleep, after all Regulus is with Pandora, what possible trouble could she let him fall into.