for you, i would
Remus grabbed Sirius by his hand, pulling him into the teacher quarters. He hastily locked the door behind him. There were numerous plates set on his coffee table.The house elves had prepared a number of dishes just like they did after every moon. Remus lightly limped to the sofa, his hand still gripping Sirius's wrist as he pulled him along to sit down. Wordlessly, he started fixing a small plate. Sirius suddenly grasped his left hand.
“You kept the ring,” He stated, gently caressing the ring. Remus looked at him, a frown on his face. “Padfoot you absolute dunce, Of course I fucking kept the ring, I married you, you idiot,” Sirius looked back at him, his sunken, grey eyes bore into remus’ honey brown ones. “I just assumed,” he said quietly, placing Remus’s hand on his lap “That you would find someone else,”
Remus stared at his husband. “The dementors messed up your head, fucking hell padfoot,” he laughed incredulously, scanning sirius’ face in disbelief, “I still love you, I never stopped loving you,” he muttered, Sirius looked back at him with a strange emotion in his eyes which remus couldn’t identify. It terrified him, the thought of losing Sirius when he was finally with him.
He pulled Sirius closer, the mesmerising face he had only seen in photographs for the last 12 years was in front of him. Remus looked at the dark, sunken eyes of his lover which stood out against his light skin. Sirius leaned forward, ever so slightly, with a glimmer of hope and sadness in his eyes. Their breaths mingled. It took Remus a minute to realise that Poppy had probably fixed Sirius up to a major because his matted beard was gone,now reduced to a shorter trim, his rotten teeth now properly human and his breath smelling of the freshing charm that Remus was far too aware of.
Sirius looked at him, with the same huge eyes of his that always reminded Remus of a dog, without a word he buried his head into his lover's arms. “Oh love,” Remus breathed out. “Listen, I am going to fix you a small plate of fruits, nothing too heavy, can you manage to eat that?” Sirius nodded against his chest. It took Remus back to the summer when he ran away. He barely ate anything other than fruits and only listened and talked to James. That was the worst year for them, at least before the war.
“I think I want to take a proper bath first.” Sirius said softly, placing the plate Remus had handed him back on the table. Remus sucked in a breath. “Alright, do you want me to help you out? I’ll go make you a bath first and get some of my clothes for you to wear,” He said, standing up, as Sirius grabbed his hand, shaking his head. “No, I can mange on my own, you need to sleep, you've had your transformation last night and I don’t think they’re getting any better with time,”
The truth was that Remus was awfully tired, normally he wouldn't even be able to walk, especially after a transformation without wolfsbane, but he had snuck in some energy potion and may or may have not taken several of them in the past hour along with some pain potions. But instead of revealing any of this, Remus softly smiled at Sirius “I’m alright love, We can take a nap together after this,” He said, pulling Sirius up from the sofa.
Sirius looked hesitant but decided he didn't want to be alone so he let himself be hoisted up by his husband. “You go find something to wear, I’ll start the bath?” Remus meant to say it as an instruction but it came out more as a question. Sirius once again shook his head. “No, You go take out the clothes, and I’ll go make the bath,” Remus complied without a complaint, gesturing towards the bathroom door before he went to his wardrobe. He took out a faded t-shirt and one of his lesser worn out jumpers along with a pair of joggers and boxers.
He grabbed one of the extra towels and headed towards the bathroom, he didn't hear any sound of water running. “Darling? Are you alright?” He called out, walking towards the door.
Sirius sat on the floor, head tucked in his knees, his hands gripping his hair. “I-I can’t do it moons, I can’t even fucking open a bloody faucet.” He cried out, eyes glistening with unshed tears. Remus instantly crouched down next to him, ignoring the pain that shot through his hip as he pulled Sirius into his arms. “It’s alright love, Tell me what happened?” he asked gently “My hands,” Sirius whispered out, holding them out to Remus “They don't stop shaking.” his voice wavered, Remus pulled him closer before the first sob escaped the other man’s throat. They needed to take everything slowly. Sirius needed time.
A few minutes passed, Sirius sobs had quietened down. Remus lovingly ran a hand above his husband's hair. “C’mon, let’s give you a haircut and a clean shave, you need it,” he whispered, hoisting Sirius up with him. Remus flicked his wand to start the bath while he sorted out Sirius’ hair.
Sirius let himself indulge, letting Remus first shave off his already short beard, the muggle way, and then cut his hair. Remus stood behind Sirius,who sat in front of a mirror, with his wand in hand. “How much length do you want Sirius?” he asked. Sirius looked at Remus through the mirror, his dejected eyes meeting Remus. “Chop it all away,” he said . Remus looked back at him defiantly. “No,”
“Remus, look at them, there is no saving them, they are tangled and matted with dirt stuck between them, just shave it all off,” Sirius protested weakly. It was obvious he didn’t want them gone but he really thought there was no saving it.
“You liked them shoulder length right? I'll do that,” Remus ignored his protests. He waved his wand, slicing Sirius’ hair to the length. Still, they were still matted pretty badly after 12 years of neglect.
“C’mon love, I’ll give you a bath first, we need to clean the dirt, then we can get to un-matting the hair,” Remus said, gently guiding Sirius out of the chair and vanishing the hair on the ground before Sirius could see them. “Take off your clothes sweetheart, The water will go cold.” Remus said softly, Sirius looked back at him with a tearful gaze. “Do you want me to help you love? Are you having trouble with the clothes?” Remus asked again, careful not to suggest anything that would send Sirius into a frenzy.
It physically hurted him to see the love of his life like this, Sirius was always the star who would shine the brightest, he demanded attention, and rightfully so, for someone who was this beautiful, he deserved it all. He was the loudest of them all during their times at Hogwarts, closely followed by James, and seeing him go quiet, it made Remus uneasy. He remembered when he could go hours listening to Sirus's voice, telling him meaningless things as he talked about anything and everything to distract Remus from the pain the wolf inflicted every month.
Remus knew he didn’t owe Sirius anything, Sirius had made that clear back then. But now, he knew that it was his time to look after Sirius, his time to help him, to love him, to cherish him and to do so unconditionally. It wasn’t that he didn’t love Sirius when he was younger, he did, but it was childish, naive and impulsive. They were no longer 16 year olds in love. It didn’t mean that Remus loved Sirius less than he had when he first loved him, in fact it was quite the opposite, Remus loved Sirius more than ever, perhaps that was what he did wrong, he loved him so much it numbed him. He didn’t believe Sirius was the spy, he couldn’t, his heart couldn’t, but the shock, the clear evidence,the fact that Sirius didn’t have a trial, that kept him quiet, because if Sirius admitted that he did kill the Potters, he would also admit that he never truly loved Remus and Remus couldn’t live in a world where he didn’t have Sirius Black at his side. Sirius loved him and he was never shy to make it known. Sirius loved the parts of Remus that Remus himself didn’t love, and he taught him how to love them. And that’s the love he would give Sirius now. This might be Sirius’ toughest battle and Remus did not plan to leave his side. He had fucked up once, but this time he was determined to love Sirius, and he was determined to show it.
He guided Sirius through the bath, dumping bottles of magic bath products into the water and using enough cleaning and hygiene charms that he was sure that Sirius would be smelling like roses and whatnot for the next month. His hair was also very un-matted and clean now. Thanks to Minerva managing to send about 20 bottles of different hair products Remus didn’t even know existed. It was her way of showing love, Remus made a point to thank her when he saw her later.
Sirius quietly sat in the bath, staring off into the distance, unmoving and distanced from his reality. Stuck in the place he had spent his last 12 years in. Remus made a quick decision. Pulling off his clothes, he climbed into the tub. Sirius only noticed what Remus was trying to do when he had already climbed into the bath, sitting behind him.
“Wha- Remus what the fuck do you think you’re doing,” he protested at once, turning entirely to face Remus.
Remus shrugged in response. “Same as you, what do you think people do in a big tub of heated water?”
Sirius practically growled in frustration. “I haven’t showered in 12 fucking years. Have you lost your bloody mind?! Look at the water, it’s all filthy and grimy and disgus- ,”
Remus curled his arms around Sirius' waist, pulling his back flush against his chest and resting his head atop his lover’s shoulder. “It’s fine cariad,” he whispered, “I already have washed you off 2 times, you’re cleaner than me. So is the water. I, on the other hand, was lying on the forest floor mere hours ago. Covered in my own blood. Also my muscles hurt and the warm water helps,” he said.
Sirius relaxed against him, leaning his head back on Remus as his eyes fluttered shut. They sat in amiable silence for a while, soaking in each other’s presence. “Moony,” Sirius whispered at last, unmoving in his position, “I feel better now.” Remus tightened his arms around him in lieu of a response. Sirius continued, “I- thank you. So much, for loving me, that is,” he ended softly, turning his head slightly to press a sweet kiss on the corner of Remus’s mouth.
“It’s the least I can do, after everything, Siri- I am sorry. And you don’t have to thank me for loving you. Because it’s not something I have to do, It is in my nature to love you,” he confessed quietly. Sirius slid his hands over Remus’. Squeezing them.
“If this is where all my pain of the last decade has brought me,” Remus thought airily, “Then it has been worth it,”