Blood On My Hands

Marlene is blinking, focusing on the lights above her. Flashing red. Someone pulls her onto a stretcher. 

Dorcas runs into the E.R., finding the Chief instead of Black, who has just rolled a patient into the first trauma room. 

She’s excited now, “Chief, can I help? How bad is it?” 

The Chief looks at her strangely, “Dr. Meadowes, why don’t you run trauma two right now?” 

“I get to run trauma two all by myself.” She tries to play it cool.

He nods, “Yes, but find me if you need help and get consulted.” 

She’s eagerly heading the opposite direction, “On it. Thank you!” 

〚*〛

“Evan!” Barty yells, watching Deni flat-line. 

Evan’s frozen in place. He’s staring at the scissors in his hand, the tube cut in half. 

Barty shoves him out of the way, “Evan, her heart is barely beating.” He’s trying to find a pulse, “Call a code, right now.” 

Evan doesn’t. 

Barty moves to press the button when Evan shoves him out of the way, suddenly springing into action, “No, I have a plan.” 

“She’s crashing, we need to call a code!” 

Evan somehow pulls him back, “If we call a code they are going to rush her to surgery to replace her LVAD and she will stabilize. She needs to get worse so she can get this heart.” He explains, hooking the broken tubing up to a pump. 

“Evan, this is crazy.” Barty lifts his hands over his head, “Think about what you are doing.” 

Evan can only think about one thing, “She has to get this heart. She’ll die waiting for another chance. You know she will.” 

Barty ignores him, “I’m calling a code.” 

Evan stomps pumping to shove Barty up against the wall, “If you call a code I swear I will hurt you. Not a lot because we are friends, but enough that things will break and you will lie on the floor so you’re out of my way.” Barty yanks him off, his hands holding Evan’s wrists now. “You have a decision to make, Barty, you can stay here and help me with this, or you can go.” 

Barty hesitates. 

〚*〛

Sirius is being questioned by Albus as he and Mary work on Marlene. “How bad is it?” 

Mary’s clearly shaken up, while Sirius remains stone-faced, “G.S.W. to the right shoulder, she’s lost a lot of blood.” 

“Shut the blinds in here.” The chief instructs, “Meadowes is on the floor. She doesn’t need to know yet.” 

They are checking her out when Marlene sits up, she’s delirious, obviously. “I’m fine. I’m f-fine.” 

“You need to lay down, Marls, you’ve lost a lot of blood,” Sirius says, working quickly. 

“I need to go check on a patient,” her words slur, hand hanging lifelessly by her side. 

Mary begins ordering her around, “You are the patient, Marlene, lay down.” 

Intimidated, yet laughing, Marlene asks, “Dr. Macdonald, when did you get here?” 

Sirius looks up at Emmeline, “Page Potter.” 

〚*〛

James gets the page and comes running. When the door flies open, Dorcas catches a glimpse of the patient. 

A familiar body, lying lifeless on the table. 

“Take over compressions,” she mumbles, stepping into the hall. 

Deep down, she knows. 

She wouldn’t have to brace herself before walking in if she didn’t know. 

The words come spilling out of her mouth before she can stop them, “You’re shot?” 

Sirius, James, Mary, and Albus are all there, working on Marlene. 

“Dorcas?” Marlene tilts her head up, “Where’s Dorcas?” 

Her hand covers her mouth, “She’s shot?” 

Mary Macdonald is trying to de-escalate things, “Meadowes, get back to your patient. We got this.” 

It’s Dorcas’ patient. 

He was the shooter. 

She was trying to save the life of the man who shot her girlfriend. 

“That guy shot you,” she says, being ushered out of the room by them. 

Dorcas shoves back into the trauma room, immediately taking over compressions. One of the nurses watches her, “He’s circling the drain, doctor.” 

“It’s a lost cause,” the other adds. 

“He doesn’t get to die this easily,” she says, exerting herself to keep him alive. “Push high dose Epi.” 

“Dr. Meadowes?” 

“What?” She snaps. “I want to be able to tell his family that I did everything I could to save his pathetic, miserable life. Three of Epi, now.” 

〚*〛

Mulciber senses them getting impatient, “We should be hearing from Dr. Mckinnon any minute now.” 

Malfoy points out that, “You said that a half-hour ago.” 

“Yes.” 

“Once that hour mark is hit, I’m getting my heart, Mulciber.” She warns him. 

〚*〛

They turn Marlene, Mary being the one to vocalize, “There’s no exit wound.” 

“Entry to the upper right shoulder,” James says, “it could be lodged in her spine.” 

The roll Marlene back onto her back, she’s groaning in pain, miserable. 

James speaks loudly, enunciating each syllable, “Dr. Mckinnon?” He says, catching her attention, “The bullet’s in dangerous property here, okay? We need to check your hand function. Try and squeeze Mary’s hand for me, alright?” 

Nothing. 

No movement.

Dorcas steps back in the room, suddenly. “They moved my guy upstairs, how is she?” Her eyes stay peeled on Marlene, not turning to look at any of the other doctors speaking to her. 

Macdonald points her finger at the door, “I need you to wait outside.” 

“I’m not going to wait outside.” 

She leans forward, staring at Marlene from where her drowsy eyes stay half-lidded. The blonde asks, “Can we have a second?” 

They look at Sirius who directs the question to the Chief. Albus answers, “Only a moment. I don’t want to waste any time.” 

They file out, leaving Dorcas and Marlene alone. 

“Dorcas. . . .” 

Dorcas strokes her hair back, “You don’t have to say anything. I know you’re sorry that you didn’t mean to kick me off the transplant. I’m not mad.” She hesitates, “Okay, I was a little mad but I’m not anymore. You know I’m better than Mulciber.” She’s getting off-track here, “Don’t worry about it, don’t even think about it.” Dorcas attempts to be the best supportive girlfriend she can be, which as it turns out, is much easier when they’re aren’t attendings and Chiefs watching your every move. “The only thing that matters, Marls, is that you get better. And you get through this. I’m here for you, whatever you need. Anything.” 

“I need. . .” she coughs, “to go. . .” Dorcas waits, “to check on Deni Duquette.” 

Well, that’s a request. 

She just ruined that whole spiel with medicine. 

“Okay.” Dorcas nods, “I’ll do that.” 

Marlene nods, closing her eyes again. 

〚*〛

Evan pumps. Barty watches the E.E.G., making sure Deni won’t crash out. 

Then finally, Regulus walks through the door. “You paged?” 

“You paged Regulus?” Evan says, shushed since the door is still cracked. Barty reaches behind him and shuts it all the way, ushering Regulus in. 

“You said this was an emergency.” Regulus stares. 

“We need help!” Barty shrieks. 

Regulus doesn’t understand, “What’s going on?”

Dorcas steps in, face completely flushed, “What the hell is going on in here?” 

Barty gestures to Evan, “He cut her LVAD wires.” 

Regulus realizes, “Tell me you didn’t, Evan.” 

Dorcas scoffs, “Are you trying to kill her?” 

“I’m trying to save her,” Evan says, slowly inching towards another freak-out. “All I have to do is confirm that her condition is worse and Mckinnon can call U.N.O.S..” He watches Dorcas cover her face with her hands, “She’ll move up on the list and Deni will get the heart.” 

“About Marlene-” 

Barty looks at Regulus, “He’s gone insane, right? It’s not just me who thinks this.” 

Dorcas repeats herself, “About Marlene-” 

Evan is yelling at the other two boys in the room, “Everything will be fine!” 

“Evan,” Regulus shakes his head. 

“No,” he stops him, “when Marlene gets here, everything will be fine.” He hyperventilates, continuing the pump, “She’ll know what to do.” 

“About Marlene-” 

“What?” Barty finally asks, having heard her start the sentence thrice now. 

Dorcas can’t feel anything, “She’s been shot.” 

Evan stops the pumping, his entire body in shock. Barty takes over, keeping Deni alive. Evan starts to pace the room, his hands in his hair, “Mckinnon’s not coming?” He asks, maybe for the hundredth time. 

Regulus catches Dorcas’ face, “Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine, I’m fine.” Dorcas shrugs. 

“Mckinnon’s not coming.” Evan says, over and over like a maniac. Like if he says it enough, maybe it will make it through to his brain and he’ll come to the conclusion that she really isn’t coming. 

Barty tilts his head to the ceiling, his hands moving back and forth, “Why didn’t I take the internship in San Diego?” He asks, talking to nobody, “None of this would be happening if I was in San Diego.” 

“Mckinnon’s not coming.” 

Dorcas can’t take it anymore, “No, Evan!” She shouts at him, angry and threatening, “Mckinnon is not coming. I know you’re have problems here with your possible murder charges and your unbelievably stupid idea of stealing a heart, but Marlene is kinda busy right now.” 

Evan bends down, his hands on his knees as he looks up, watching Dorcas scream at him. Through his tears, the only thing he can get out is, “Deni’s going to die.” He stands up, stepping towards the bed, “Deni’s gonna die and I killed her.” 

“Then, you shouldn’t have done it!” Regulus snaps, finally getting in on the action. 

“Regulus,” Barty sighs. 

“We have to tell someone. What about Sirius, he’ll help us.” Regulus offers. 

Dorcas shoots the idea down, “Everyone we can trust is with Marlene.” 

“Then we should tell anyone.” Regulus scoffs. 

“We can’t.” Barty says, looking to check on Evan, who has sat in a patient chair, his head in his hands. 

“Why not?” Dorcas asks. 

“Deni won’t get the heart and more importantly,” he mentions, “Evan’ll get kicked out of the program.” 

Suddenly, Dorcas says, “I’m leaving.” 

“What?” Regulus says. 

“Dorcas.” Barty tries to call out. “You can’t leave.” 

“No,” she turns, “Marlene could die, too. Complications arise all the time because of gunshot wounds. You think about that.” She snipes, directing it to Evan. 

“Oh my God.” Evan seeps lower into himself. 

Dorcas abandons leaving so she can further torture Evan, pointing her finger at him, “None of this would have happened if you were thinking with your head.” 

What she really means, too, is that none of this would have happened if Marlene had done what is right and switched Evan off of cardio. 

“I did what I thought was best!” Evan cries. 

“I mean, for one second, Evan, did you think about the rules?” She asks. 

Regulus hates the screaming. He covers his ears for a moment, trying to breathe. 

“The rules don’t always matter.” Evan tells her. 

“Think about anyone other than yourself?” Dorcas judges him, “Now we’re all accomplices-”

“Heaven forbid anyone get a cardio case over the great Dorcas Meadowes.” 

“That’s not what-” 

“Well, you were the one who-”

“Shut up!” Regulus yells, louder than the rest of them. “Everyone please just shut the fuck up!” 

He’s got their attention now, “Nobody is leaving.” He looks at Dorcas, head scanning the room, “And nobody is dying.” 

“Thank you.” Deni rasps. “It was kinda getting on my nerves, all this dying talk.” 

“Deni?” Evan walks over. 

“It’s okay.” She assures him, “I think we should all, uh, maybe listen to Regulus. He’s got a better plan than anyone else.” 

Evan is desperately staring at him now, “You have a plan?”

“Just give me a minute.” Regulus orders them. 

〚*〛

Barty rolls his eyes, “That’s a stupid plan.” 

“Well,” Regulus makes a face, “if Mckinnon isn’t coming, then we have to confirm Deni’s condition ourselves. We get the blood work, we do the echo, and no one even has to know what Evan did.” 

Evan knows this won’t work, “Nobody’s done an echo on their own.” 

“Dorcas has,” Regulus points, “Mckinnon taught her.” 

Dorcas folds her arms over her chest, “I’m not getting involved.” 

Evan moves to her, face-to-face now, “What if this were Mckinnon? What if you were me?” 

“This is bad.” Dorcas points at Deni. “This is bad and serious and against a lot of rules. It’s not fun for me. I don’t want to play.” 

“What if you were me?” Evan sticks with the tactic. 

“Well,” Dorcas nods, “I wouldn’t have fallen in love with a patient.” 

Evan thinks that is a little bit hypocritical, “You fell in love with an attending.” 

“Well, so did Regulus!” Dorcas adds, “What’s the point?” 

Barty jumps in, “The point is that we can’t help who we fall in love with.” And although he is speaking to Dorcas, his eyes are locked on the blonde. 

Regulus hates this conversation. 

〚*〛

James feels her skin, looking at Albus to say, “Her hand is cold.” 

Albus checks, worry shooting up in him. 

Marlene senses this, “My hands are always cold.” She offers. 

“Your hand is cold, Marlene.” Albus notes. 

“Well, I have cold hands.” She whispers. 

Emmeline hands James the scan, who hangs it up to look. Albus speaks first, loud enough for James to hear over the sound of Marlene’s coughs, “The bullet could be lodged in the brachial plexus.” 

“That’s very dangerous.” James sighs. 

Back behind them, Marlene continues mumbling, “My hands are always cold.” 

She closes her eyes and the machine begins beeping rapidly. James rushes over, “The trachea deviated to the left.” 

She’s breathing rapidly, Albus communicating, “Absent breath sounds on the right side.” 

“Give me betadine.” James orders. “Fourteen gage angio.” 

“Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go.” Albus rushes him. 

“Dr. Mckinnon!” James shouts, “Dr. Mckinnon, you’ve gotta stay with me now.” 

She coughs again. 

“There you go,” James nods, “that’s it.” 

Her eyes dart back and forth between the doctors and the nurses, the needles and the medicine. 

“Right here,” James catches her attention. “Your lung collapsed. You’re okay.”

〚*〛

Mulciber gets a phone call, Narcissa watches as he mumbles, “Mckinnon’s been shot?” 

“What?” 

Mulciber lowers his voice, “Regulus, I only have a couple more minutes before this chick starts cutting. She won’t wait a second longer.” 

“Stall her then.” He suggests. 

Mulciber says the same thing Dorcas didn’t not too long ago, “I’m not getting involved with this.” 

Regulus isn’t fucking around, “Do it, Mulciber. See what happens if you don’t. You wanted to be a trauma surgeon, right? See what my brother thinks about you if you don’t.” 

"You don't scare me." 

"Then see what happens-" Regulus says, about to hang up. 

"Wait, wait, okay, I will." Mulciber relents. 

〚*〛

Dorcas and Barty handle the tests. The two of them are the very best at cardio. 

Evan asks, “How’s her heart looking?” 

“Her left ventricles shot,” Dorcas says, sourly. 

“She’s barely pushing blood out,” Barty mentions. 

Regulus is guarding the door, watching Evan hesitate before speaking again, “I’m sorry about Marlene.” 

“You know, whatever, it’s fine.” Dorcas cuts him off. 

Evan stares at her, even though she won’t even spare a glance, “Can’t you just try to understand? I love her.” 

Regulus watches Barty’s face contort as they eavesdrop.

“You don’t even know her.” Dorcas says. 

“I do know her.” Evan counters. 

Dorcas scoffs, appalled by the fact Evan truly believes he is right. “You’ve never even seen her outside the four walls of this hospital. You don’t know her.” 

“I know her.” Evan repeats, slightly annoyed. “Maybe I don’t live with her or work with her like you do with Marlene but I do know her. And there's a possibility here. And-and given the choice of running or staying-” 

“You should run.” Dorcas shakes her head, “A sane person, someone who values his career and everything he’s worked for, a person who values his own heart, for God's sake, that person would run.” 

“I-” 

“Think about what you left behind at home.” Dorcas asks him, “Are you willing to return to that version of you?” 

“I am.” 

“You’re insane then.” 

Deni speaks up, “If you’re so insane, marry me.” 

Everybody stares at her. 

“What?” Comes flying out of Evan’s mouth. “What did you say?” 

Deni closes her eyes once more, blinking in and out of consciousness. 

Evan looks at Barty, Dorcas not willing to fall into another conversation with him. “Did you hear that? Did she just say marry me? She said that, right?” 

“She did.” Barty nods, reluctantly. 

“Deni,” he says, hovering, “Deni, wake up!” 

The monitor starts beeping erratically. 

Regulus comes to them, “What’s happening?” 

Evan pumps harder, at a loss for words. 

“There’s movement in his heart,” Barty moves the stethoscope, “we need to shock him.” 

Dorcas begins to ventilate while Evan charges the defibrillator. 

“Charge to two-hundred.” 

“Clear.” 

〚*〛

Narcissa is asking Mulciber, “Is Mckinnon alive?” 

“Yes.” 

“Shame,” she laughs, “would’ve made a good donor. Oh, well. Let’s retrieve this heart.” 

“That heart isn’t yours yet.” Mulciber tells her, “Hogwarts is still waiting on test results.” 

“Don’t care.” she steps to the patient, “Ten blade.” 

He says, “You can’t do that.” 

Then he watches Narcissa ignore him and do it anyways. 

〚*〛

In her patient room, Marlene curls her fingers, not being able to make a fist. She hates this, not being in control. 

James is by her side, watching, “How are you doing?” 

Marlene is not good, “I’m developing numbness in my. . .” a gasp, “fourth and fifth fingers.” 

He nods, “You also have a pseudo-aneurysm in the subclavian artery.” 

“James-” 

“We’ll wait a few days. Maybe the aneurysm won’t grow.” 

Even now, she knows her shit, “If we wait the damage could be just as bad.” 

“Then, I can go in and relieve the compression on the nerves.” 

Marlene asks, “What if it causes more damage to the nerves?” 

“It is a possibility.” 

Marlene would rather die than not be able to cut. What is life without surgery? It’s nothing. 

If she cannot perform surgery, nothing will ever be the same. 

She will lose a vital piece of herself. 

“I could lose function of my entire arm.” Marlene looks at the downsides. 

“Yes.” 

“Are you good enough, James?” She wants him to be honest, “Are you good enough to do this?” 

He cannot mess this up. Messing up would mean being the complete ruination of a person’s life. A person who James would say is a very dear friend to him. 

“It’s never one-hundred percent, Marlene, you know that.” 

She takes a deep breath, “Then what do I do?” 

James smiles to himself, “It’s not like you to ask these kinds of questions.” 

“Yeah, well, it’s not like you not to have the answers.” 

Fair enough. 

She focuses her attention back to her hand, watching it struggle. 

James steps out of the room, locking himself in an conference room. He closes the door, his palms against it, trying to regulate his breathing. 

Albus almost scares the shit out of him. 

“You know, there’s never a good place to hide in this hospital.” He sighs. 

James sits down next to him, “I’m trying to get perspective,” he explains, “everything feels enormous, like it’s all. . . just—I can’t get perspective.” 

Albus hesitates, “Are you speaking of Mckinnon?” 

“I respect her, y’know?” He leans back, “She doesn't like me all that much. But she’s decent, she’s honorable, even if she’s arrogant and hogs the O.R. like she’s a surgical goddess. But she’s decent and she’s honorable and I respect her.” James says, putting his hands together, “She’s one of the foremost cardio-thoracic surgeons in the country and I’ve just gotta. . . it’s her hand. I cannot get perspective. I can’t do this. I cannot be the one to do this.” 

Albus levels with him, “Marlene is an honorable and decent woman but James, so are you.” 

“I don’t know about that.” 

“You are honorable and decent. I wouldn’t bring you here if I thought otherwise. You are too honorable and decent to run.” He looks at the coffee mug in his hand, “You don’t know how much I wish this was bourbon."

〚*〛

Mary Macdonald peeks into Marlene’s room, noticing how empty it is.

She grabs onto Marlene’s good hand, giving it a squeeze, “Is there anything I can get for you, Marls?” 

Mary has become quite close to her since she’s known her. This past year, their simple shared place of employment has evolved into a sincere friendship. 

It’s safe to say Mary is protective over this friendship. 

“No,” Marlene exhales, “I’m fine.” 

“No?” Mary tilts her head, “There-there must be something.” 

“Oh,” she relents, “it would be nice to. . . have some ice chips and uh, a touch of morphine if I’m allowed. And uh. . . Dorcas.” She groans. “Dorcas would be great.” 

Mary looks at her, letting go, “Coming right up.” She says, much less cheerful and positive than she should be. 

She’s at the door when the realization hits her, confusion tinting her voice, “Where is Dorcas?” A pause, racking her brain, “Where are all my suck-ups?” 

“Excuse me?” Marlene asks, unsure. 

“My interns.” She clears it up, “My ass-kissing, surgery hungry, competitive suck-ups. Where are they? Why aren’t they here fetching you ice chips and morphine? Why aren’t they here sucking up?”

Marlene turns her head. 

“You know something.” Mary steps back into the room. 

She shakes her head, barely, “I’m a patient.” 

“Marlene Mckinnon.” Mary points a finger at her, “What have you done with my suck-ups?” 

〚*〛

“What do we do?” Evan asks, shaking, “What do we do?” 

The monitor beeps over and over, like a ticking time bomb. 

Regulus moves the pump, “I’m starting a dopamine and dobutamine drip.” 

Evan picks up the pump, trying to be helpful.

“What about Milrone?” 

“I don’t know.” Dorcas sighs. 

Every person is talking over the other, the room a cacophony of sounds and mechanical beeps. 

Deni mumbles through the oxygen mask, “It feels like my chest is running away.” 

“What about Nesiritide?” Barty asks, “That might help.” 

“Heart rate is two-seventeen.” Regulus warns. 

“She’s in S.V.T.” 

“Evan, stop pumping.” Barty orders him, “Stop.” 

He does, trusting him. 

“No, there’s no change.” Dorcas notes. 

“We need that medicine.” Evan shouts at Regulus, who is currently digging through the drawers. 

Regulus shouts back, rushing, “I’m working on it.” 

“It’s the one that stops the heart.” Dorcas tells them. 

Deni panics even more, “I thought the whole point was to keep it beating.” 

Evan gets in her face, “No, no, no, it only stops your heart for six seconds

“Regulus,” Barty bends down, trying to help, “it’s Adenosine.” 

“His heart is speeding up.” Dorcas watches the monitor.

Evan continues to yell, “You guys, we have to do something! She cannot take this for much longer.” 

“Let’s shock her, what if we shock her?” 

Dorcas hesitates, “I don’t-” 

Regulus pops up, “Found it.” 

Dorcas waves, “Barty come over here.” 

“Okay,” he moves around the bed. 

“Lift his arm.” Barty mentions, “The nurses always lift the arm when they push Adenosine. It gets the heart faster.” 

Dorcas does, her hand holding Deni’s arm in the air. 

Evan’s trying to calm her down, “Okay, Deni, you’re going to feel um-” 

“Evan!” She agonizes. “I’m gonna die.” 

“You’re not going to die.” Evan shakes his head. "You’re not going to die, I promise. It’s just the meds.” 

“We’re heading back to flat-line.” Regulus murmurs. 

“Are you sure this was the right drug?” Dorcas whispers. 

“The book said it was the right one.” Barty shrugs, hoping. 

“I used the one I know.” Regulus explains. 

Evan looks at the three of them, “She’s not going to die, right?” 

Nobody can give him an answer. 

“Right?” He squints, looking back down at Deni, “Right?” 

The monitor emits a continuous flat-lined tone. The room goes deadly silent, except for that absolutely horrifying noise. 

It’s like time stands still. 

And for a few seconds, all they do is wait. 

But then it beeps again, steady this time. 

Evan lets out a gasp of relief, finding it in himself to breathe again. 

Deni’s breathing too, much more sickly though. 

Mary is standing wide-eyed at the door, Evan catching sight of her first. 

“You fools better have a good explanation for this.” Mary stares. 

〚*〛

Emmeline watches from behind Dr. Macdonald, whose voice isn’t projecting a scream, but rather a much more intimidating sound. 

Regulus kind of wish she’d just scream, for this is scarier than that. 

“Step away from the patient.” She orders the interns. 

Everyone does. 

Almost everyone. 

Dorcas, Barty, and Regulus followed the command. 

Evan, however, stayed planted by the bedside, pumping Deni’s heart. 

Mary repeats herself, “Step away from the patient, Dr. Rosier.” 

“I can’t.” Evan shakes his head, “I have to pump her heart.” 

Mary seems to realize what has happened when her eyes catch on the broken LVAD wire. She gestures the nurse forwards, “Emmeline,” she speaks, “take over for Dr. Rosier. Evan, you’re done here.” 

Barty feels his insides curling up on themselves. 

Evan’s going to get thrown out. 

“I need you to leave the room, Dr. Rosier.” 

Deni’s watching him, her eyes watery. 

Emmeline tries to take it from her, her voice careful as she asks and reaches, “Evan.” 

He snaps, “No, do not touch me!” 

Barty and Regulus watch him, the two of them locking eyes with one another. Wondering how they could’ve stopped this from happening.

Not even Mary knows how to react to this. 

“Emmeline, stay. . . with Dr. Rosier. Help him if he will let you.” She instructs, “You three, outside. Now!” 

Evan watches his friends leave. 

Mary keeps the door open, facing the scene while the other three turn to her. She whisper-yells, “Where was rational thought?” She’s not fishing for an answer, a rhetorical question indeed. “Where was cognitive thinking? Where was do no harm? The morals, the ethics, where was sanity when you three decided to help that boy?” 

“We didn’t-” Regulus starts, immediately cut off by Mary. 

“No,” she scoffs, waving a finger at him, “No. No speaking. Nobody speaks. I do not want to have to testify against any of you in a court of law.” 

Regulus’ stomach drops. 

What is going to happen if Evan gets thrown in jail? If they are all accomplices? If his family finds out how stupid he’s been since arriving in Seattle? 

“Not one word.” Mary covers her mouth, still in shock, “He cut his LVAD wire.” 

Barty shifts, scoffing. 

“I said no speaking?” 

He yanks his head back, “I didn’t say anything.” 

“I said no moving.” Mary changes her words. 

Barty falls back into stiffness, giving in. 

Mary points behind her, “Dorcas, Marlene is asking for you. Go.” Dorcas doesn’t waste a second in staying back, already on the move. 

Mary looks at Regulus and Barty, “I’m assuming you ran labs?” Nobody answers, she puts her hands on her hips, “I’m asking a question. Answer me!” 

Barty is feeling a little confused, “You said no speaking?”

“I know what I said.” Mary huffs. 

“Yes.” Regulus answers for them. 

“Crouch, get me the lab results. Do not pass go. Do not talk to another living soul. Get the labs and get back here immediately.” Barty nods, leaving. 

Mary turns her attention to the remaining intern, sighing, “Black. . . come with me.” 

〚*〛

Dorcas is standing at the door, watching Marlene’s half-covered body struggle to breathe correctly. 

“How are you?” She asks, stepping forwards and reaching for her chart, “You look good.” Dorcas cannot bear to look her girlfriend in the eye, afraid she might be embarrassingly emotional about the entire situation, she looks at the wall, “Are these your films?” 

Marlene stares up at the ceiling, waiting for her inevitable reaction. 

“Oh. . .” she says, “Marlene.” 

“James, uh, doesn't know if he can fix my hand.” She explains, “Maybe I’ll wait it out. See if the numbness subsides.” 

“Yeah.” Dorcas agrees.

“Or I could let Potter operate.” 

She repeats herself, “Yeah, yeah.” 

Dorcas stairs at the bandages, listening to Marlene, “I could lose all hand function. What if I could never operate again?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Dorcas?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Stop saying yeah.” 

Dorcas licks her lips, “Okay.” 

This is the first time she’s made eye contact with Marlene since stepping inside. 

“I need. . .” a pause, “I need. . . you said you were here for me.” 

“Yeah,” she says, realizing it, “uh, sorry.” 

“Dorcas?” 

“Hmm?” 

“I need you to tell me. . . what you think I should do.” Marlene asks her. 

Dorcas opens her mouth to speak, “I. . .” she stares at the films, “I told Dr. Macdonald that I would be back, okay? I told her I wouldn’t be long.” 

“Dorcas-” 

She interrupts her, “I’m-I’m going to think about it.” She assures her, “I. . . I’m going to think about it, okay?”

Then she rushes out of the room, straight into an on-call room. 

This doesn’t happen to her. 

She’s never emotional. 

Dorcas has always been good at keeping her emotions in check. 

But when the door is closed, the room is dark, the sounds of rainfall and thunder outside. It covers up the fact she can cry right now and nobody would ever know. 

〚*〛

Dr. Macdonald is in Deni’s room, “How are you feeling, Deni.” 

In an attempt to protect Evan, she says, “Really, really good. Like an athlete or a superhero or some other kind of very healthy person.” 

“You’re funny.” Evan says, Macdonald giving him a death glare. 

Regulus steps in, trying to ease the tension, “Don’t speak, Evan.” 

He keeps on pumping. 

Deni watches Macdonald with a smile on her face, even through the unimaginable pain, “I cut my own LVAD wires, you know? I went rogue. All by myself.” 

Evan shakes his head, Macdonald shushing Deni, “Stop it. You’re weak enough as is, please don’t waste energy on lying.” 

Dorcas steps back into the room, shutting the door behind her.

“Dr. Macdonald.” Evan says. 

She won’t even look at him, “I did say no speaking.” 

“I don’t care.” Evan says. He’s already lost his job. Pissing off Mary won’t change anything, he needs to know. “Deni’s going to get the heart right? You’re going to sign the charts and talk to the transplant coordinator?” 

Just in time, Barty walks in, handing the labs to Mary and stepping back next to Regulus. 

“See,” Evan points with his head, his hands busy at the moment, “Her B.U.N. and creatinine are increasing. She clearly has pulmonary edema.” 

“And whose fault is that?” Macdonald asks, the paper crinkled in her hands. 

Evan ignores that, “She deserves to move up to 1A status on the transplant list. U.N.O.S. will give her the heart, you just have to call-” 

Evan Rosier, I take my medical advice from doctors.” She looks up, staring daggers at him, “You are a visitor.” 

“What?” He says. 

Barty leans his head against the wall. Even Regulus’ mouth opens a little bit. 

“As of now, you are a visitor in this hospital.” Mary tells him, “You will not be a doctor in this hospital again until I decide you are. Emmeline, take over the heart pump.” 

Evan looks down at Deni, watches as Emmeline takes it from him, “She gets the heart, right?” 

〚*〛

Mary approaches Albus from where he is stationary at a nurses station, “Sir, I need to ask you a hypothetical question.” 

He brushes her off, “Can’t we do this another time?” 

Mary dismisses this  anyways, “If someone on the staff deliberated unhooked a transplant candidate from her LVAD in an attempt to worsen her condition and move her up on the donor list, hypothetically, Sir. . .” 

Albus stops in his tracks, “Dr. Macdonald, I think you need to tell me exactly what’s going on here.” 

Mary stays strong, “Believe me, Sir, you want this to stay a hypothetical, because I’m thinking if something like that did happen, well, you’d be duty-bound to report it, and the hospital would be in danger of losing its accreditation as a transplant site.” 

“So, hypothetically-” 

“Hypothetically, if the patient got worse, would it be unethical for her to receive the heart, even though medically her worsened condition puts her at the top of the donor list. Hypothetically.” 

Albus stares, “How bad is she?” 

Mary looks at the papers, “In the few hours it would take a new LVAD to be delivered, she’ll be dead.” 

Albus sanctions his hands on his hips, “Our responsibility is to the patient. If, medically, she is at the top of the list, then she should get the heart. Hypothetically. But practically, whoever removed the patient from the LVAD wire, I expect to be given names. And there will be severe, severe consequences.” 

“Yes, Sir.” Mary nods, stepping away. 

〚*〛

Mulciber follows Dr. Malfoy, trying to get her to slow down and stop. 

“Can’t stop now, I only have a few hours to get this heart into my guy.” She waves him off. 

Dr. Malfoy.” Mulciber says, watching her turn slowly. 

“U.N.O.S. gave the heart to Hogwarts.” She realizes. 

“The transplant coordinator already called your guy and stopped him from being prepped.” He explains. 

“Oh, come on.” Malfoy groans, “He has kids. They are four and five. Do you know how long he has been waiting for this?” She asks, “He’s a good person, he deserved a heart.” 

This is the first time Mulciber has seen this woman wear any emotion other than her seriousness. 

She hands the heart over. 

Mulciber takes it, “We have a chopper waiting on the roof?” 

“And?” 

〚*〛

James is staring at Marlene, “You know, you could take up fishing?” 

“I don’t fish.” She looks at him. 

“Fishing is a lot more fun than surgery,” James notes, trying to convince her. 

Marlene doesn’t like to dance around subjects, “I have eighty percent hand function now.” 

“Mhm.” James sighs, “But eighty percent is not enough. Not for you.” 

Marlene sinks father into her pillow, “Fishing, huh?” 

“You don’t fish.” James says.

〚*〛

Evan watches as Deni is rolled past the red line, Mary taking over the pump as he’s stuck behind. 

Only moments later, they roll Marlene into a different O.R., about to put her under. 

“Potter?” She speaks.

James shakes his head, “You don’t have to thank me. I’m sure you’ll return the favor one day.” 

She blinks, “I was going to say please try not to kill me.” 

This elicits a laugh out of the surgical team, except for James, of course. He smiles, “I’ll do my best.” 

“Good.” Marlene gently closes her eyes. 

〚*〛

It’s Mulciber, Mckinnon, and Malfoy completing the transplant. Upon taking out the old heart, Malfoy holds it in the air. 

“Look at that,” she studies it for a moment. 

Mulciber watches, “The left ventricle’s excessively dilated.” 

Mary speaks through the mask, “She wouldn’t have lasted another hour with this heart.” 

Malfoy agrees, “No, he wouldn’t have.” 

〚*〛

Dumbledore and Potter are working on Mckinnon, he retracts while the neurosurgeon being to excavate the aneurysm from the nerve cluster.” 

A nurse shouts out, “N.A.P.s are dropping.” 

Another says, “Arterial pressure’s down fifty percent.” 

Albus immediately begins questioning James, “Did you cut the nerve root?” 

“I don’t see any discontinuity of the nerves.” He leans closer, trying for an even better view. He thinks, “All right, let’s do a, uh, reflex test on her left hand. Chief?” 

Nothing. No movement. 

“Okay,” James begins to worry, “try it again.” 

“No.” The Chief watches. 

James’ heart speeds up, “This doesn't make sense. I’d know if I severed a nerve.” 

“James.” Albus begins, “Is the arm paralyzed?” 

It can’t be. 

James cannot answer that question with what he has now, “I have to do a wake-up test.” 

“James.” 

“There’s only one person that can tell me whether or not I’ve damaged the relay and that one person is Marlene Mckinnon,” he steps back, moving spots. 

The Chief isn’t so sold on the idea, “She’s been through a lot of trauma today."

“I’m trying to prevent the trauma she will feel if I tell her she’s paralyzed.” James points out, getting prepared. 

〚*〛

Macdonald’s put her interns in timeout, sitting in a line against the wall. 

Barty’s angry, “She’s treating us like we are children. We’re not children. We shouldn't have to sit out here like we are-” 

“We are on timeout, Barty, get over it.” Regulus looks over at him from the other end. 

Dorcas stares across the room, voice hushed, “You realize we could get kicked out of the program for this?” 

“Not we. I did this. I did this. And you’re probably right,” he looks at them, “I should run. But I’d rather be running towards somebody than running away.” He targets Dorcas’ situation. 

Then suddenly, the Chief steps forward, “Meadowes, Potter is asking for you.” 

“Uh, for Mckinnon’s surgery?” She panics. 

“Yes.” The Chief ushers her to move, “Hurry up.” 

“Uh. . .” She stays seated, “I can’t. I’m in timeout.” 

The Chief scoffs, “Well, timeouts over. Right now. We need you, Meadowes.” 

“Yes, Sir.” 

Barty takes her spot, him and Regulus on either side of Evan—who begins talking once more. “She said marry me, right? That really happened?” 

“It really happened.” Barty says through gritted teeth.

“It really did.” Regulus deadpans. 

Evan stands up, “Screw this, I’m checking on Deni.” 

Neither Regulus or Barty have the energy to stand up and follow him, not willing to do any more damage to their own careers today. 

〚*〛

“Okay, how are we doing?” James checks up. 

“She’s just at the edge of consciousness. Very light, she should be up soon.” 

“Meadowes, you’re up.” James says. 

She seemed lost in thought, “Oh. What? Sorry.” Dorcas straightens herself out, “What do you need me to do?”

James huffs, “When she comes to, she’s gonna be disoriented and she’s probably going to fight the intubation. We can’t numb the arm because we need her to move her fingers, so she is going to be in a lot of pain. We need you to keep her focused.” 

“Okay,” Dorcas nods. 

“Let’s wake her up.” James makes the call. 

Dorcas leans down, “Marlene.” 

〚*〛

“You wanna know something?” Barty asks, going ahead anyways, “I knew. I knew you didn’t feel that way about me. . . even during, when we were in bed. I knew and I still let it happen because I figured that one night with you was better than never.” 

Regulus turns to look at him, “I’m not mad at you. Even if you are pathetic.”

Barty laughs, “I am sorry. I’ve made your life pretty difficult.”

Regulus can’t argue with that. 

“I can talk to James, if you want, tell him I was wrong and I took advantage when I should’ve just left you alone-”

“You may have started this whole thing,” Regulus admits, “but I allowed it and honestly Barty, James and I clearly have issues if we can’t get past this. Besides, I mean, I think he’ll sink back into the closet after the whole thing with his parents so I don’t know.”

Barty nods, “I’m still sorry.”

“I know,” Regulus nods, “can we stop talking about it now?”

“Yeah,” Barty acknowledges, “we can.”

〚*〛

“Marlene, it’s Dorcas. I-” She feels self-conscious, around all these doctors, “I-” squeezing her eyes shut, Dorcas racks her brain to think of something, anything positive she could say. “Wake up. Wake up, Marlene.” 

Marlene blinks, the whole world feeling fuzzy until all she feels is pain. The openness of her body. Laying bare on a table while the entire fate of her life rests in the hands of the surgeons who are operating on her. 

And here is Dorcas, her face so close, “Baby, wake up.” She begs her, “Do it for me, open your eyes, hi. Hi.” 

She panics. Her body erupts in movement as Marlene begins to choke on the intubation, trying to flail her limbs and escape. 

Dorcas flinches back, terrified. 

“Get ready, get ready.” James tells them, “Hold her down.” 

The sound is almost as bad as the sight. 

“Calm her down, calm her down.” 

“Meadowes?” The Chief says, waiting for her to do something. To fix this. 

She can’t move. 

Dorcas can only stare and blink. 

“Calm her down, get in front of her.” Someone says, “Meadowes, now.” 

She’s still. 

James isn’t asking anymore, “Dorcas, get in there! Talk to her. Meadowes!” 

“Hold her down, hold her down.” 

The Chief cannot believe one of the most talented interns is now freezing up. “Meadowes, you have to calm her down.” 

Dorcas turns, not able to fathom any more of the sight. 

〚*〛

“Beautiful work, Dr. Malfoy.” Mulciber flaunts. 

She brushes this off, “The hard part is still to come.” She looks at her side, “Let’s start taking her off of bypass. Let’s see if this heart will beat on its own.” 

Macdonald watches the monitor closely, “Nothing.” 

“All right,” Malfoy sighs, “come on, Deni. Beat for me.” 

They are massaging the heart, shocking him once, then twice. 

Nobody notices Evan stalking from the gallery. 

〚*〛

“Dorcas!” 

James has to step in, “Hold her arm, Chief.” He says, just before taking Dorcas’ spot, “Marlene. Look at me, look at me. Right here. Listen. Listen, calm down. Calm down, listen. There was a complication. We can fix it.” He says, a nurse having to hold her face still so she will stop jerking around. “We need you to move your fingers on the right side. Can you do that? You can do this.” He assures her, Marlene looking him in the eyes, “On your right hand, okay? It’s just you and me. I know we can do this. Okay, focus.” James tells her, glancing at the hand, “You’ve gotta move your fingers on your right hand. Can you do that? Come on, Marlene, you can do it. Move your fingers. Move your fingers, come on.” She’s groaning. This might be the worst pain she’s ever been in. 

Dorcas has moved to the corner of the room, far away enough so she doesn’t have to see Marlene’s face. 

In her mind, she wonders if she could still love Marlene if Marlene wasn’t a surgeon.