Blood On My Hands

James is pacing around Sirius’ house, asking repeatedly what he thinks of the situation. Sirius, who is oddly in the middle, tries to be as equal as possible. 

But then he says, “Do you really think that tonight is the night to tell them? And with Regulus there, of all people?” 

James shrugs, “Look, they’re great parents, and they know about you, how different could I be? And Regulus is your brother, it’s not like I’m going to introduce him as my boyfriend.” 

“Why not?” 

“Because he isn’t.” James puts it simple. 

“And when will he be?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“Why not?” 

“Because.” 

“I swear to God, James, I feel like the only two people who don’t know that you and Regulus are in love with one another, are you and Regulus.” He stares in the mirror, fixing his hair for the tenth time that day, “It actually makes me sick.” 

James tries on a different shirt, still not able to find the right one. For the past week or so, he’d been staying at Sirius’ place. It makes him feel better, living with other people. He loves the trailer, but it gets lonely out there. 

He shakes his head, “I know I love him.” 

“And you think he doesn’t?” 

“I think he can’t.” 

Sirius makes a face, “Our parents really did fuck him up, James. Tell me you get that.” 

James doesn’t want to seem insensitive, “You turned out okay.” 

“I’m a hot ass trauma surgeon who is still struggling to find somebody because my memory comes off as creepy and I’m always busy. I’m not okay. At least not all the time.” 

James hates the sound of that. He wishes everyone was happy every minute of the day. “Sirius, you know you can talk to me-” 

“I know, I know, James.” He stops him, not wanting to hear another version of the same thing James has been spewing to him his whole life.

“Good,” James nods, settling for a nice black collared shirt. “And by the way, if you want to find somebody, maybe get your eyes off of Lupin first.” 

“What?” He asks, eyes wide. 

James is going to pretend this isn’t as much of a shock as Sirius thinks it is, “Just because you didn't tell me doesn’t mean that I don’t know. What’s up with you two?” 

“Remus and I?” Sirius laughs, awkwardly, “There’s nothing up with us. We’re friends. We’re co-workers.” 

James scoffs, standing beside him to look at his own hair. 

“I’m serious.” 

“I know you’re Sirius.” James smiles. 

“Fuck off,” He pushes in front of him, blocking his view to the mirror. 

James nudges him with his hip, laughing. 

Sirius’ phone buzzes, he checks it and notes, “Regulus is here.” 

James stays in front of the mirror, self-consciously looking at every piece of himself. He’s never like this, so second-guessing. Not anywhere. Not in surgery, certainly not around people he loves. 

But he’s afraid. There has never been a time in his life that James’ parents haven’t been supportive. Through everything, they’ve been right there. He calls them almost everyday and having to hide one of the biggest parts of himself has been pure torture. 

They love Sirius, they call him their second son. So surely they would offer the same kind of support to their biological son. 

He’s going to tell them. 

They’ll go to dinner and he will tell them. 

He stuffs his wallet in his pocket, heading downstairs to see Regulus leaning against the kitchen counter. He looks. . . very nice. 

Black pants and a dark green sweater. His boots that he loves. Hair is freshly washed. James has known him long enough to tell. It’s extra wavy, which means it has just dried. It’s probably so soft right now. 

He has to keep reminding himself to be mad. 

It’s hard when Regulus looks like this, right now. 

“Where’s Sirius?” 

Regulus gestures to the window, “Went to take Padfoot outside.” 

He is staring at him, James cautiously asks, “What?” 

Regulus reaches up and plucks his glasses off of his head, “You can barely see your eyes through these.” He cleans them with the bottom of his shirt, holding them up to decide if they are good enough, sliding them back onto James’ face. 

He wishes he could’ve seen that, everything was a bit too blurry. 

“Thanks.” It comes out quiet, almost whispered. “I have to tell you something about tonight.” 

Regulus tilts his head up, “What is it?” 

“I haven’t told my parents I’m bisexual and they don’t know. . . they don’t know about us. I am going to tell them later, once I get a chance. I just thought I’d tell you before so-” 

“So I don’t try to undress you at the table?” 

James’ eyes go wide, not expecting that comment, “Well, I—what?” 

“I’m kidding.” He breathes out, “I won’t say anything.” 

“Thank you.” 

“Do they know about Sirius?” 

James nods, “Yeah, they do. And so when they came to town, I thought it’d be nice to tell them, finally. And they’ve missed Sirius. They wanted to meet you as soon as they heard you were here too.” 

Regulus thinks he’s joking. 

James is not.

〚*〛

Sirius is driving. Regulus sitting in the front seat, watching James from the mirror of the car. 

He’s humming the song Sirius’ phone blares, the Bluetooth connected. 

Regulus heard a lot about Effie and Monty. James used to talk about them all the time. Regulus remembers how jealous he would get, hearing all the stories about how peaceful his family was. 

So, he doesn’t really know how to act when he gets there. 

Especially not when Euphemia walks to him and engulfs the boy in a hug, halfway squeezing the life out of him before Monty can step in, offering to shake his hand instead. 

They’re eating at one of the nicer restaurants in town, in a private room overlooking the water. 

It’s gorgeous. 

They clearly seem thrilled that the three of them are lucky enough to work at the same hospital. 

“Do you all work on cases together?” Monty asks. He doesn’t know much about surgery. 

Sirius answers, “Reggie works with us. We are in charge of him.”

He remembers that he probably should curse his brother out in the middle of the first dinner with James’ parents. 

“I’m a surgical intern and my brother and James are attendings. . . so technically, yes, they are in charge of me.”  

Monty is focusing on the younger boy, “Do you know what you want to specialize in yet?” 

James looks at his father, overprotective even now. “He is still in his first year, he doesn’t need to pick a specialty yet. There’s so much time.” 

Regulus is surprised he felt the need to say something. He hates that question. Everyone expects him to be like his mother, focusing on general surgery. Maybe like his brother, if not her, and do trauma. 

He can’t recall the number of times he freaked out to James about what specialty to pick. James stays true, at least, he told him then and he tells everyone now that he has time. That rushing a decision is unnecessary. 

He takes a breath. He knows they are just trying to be nice, get to know him. But Regulus doesn’t love attention, especially from a place that isn’t an operating room. 

He clears his throat, saying the same line he always does upon being asked, “I want to get a well-rounded education from every specialty before narrowing down to a singular one, Mr. Potter.” 

He huffs, waving his hand, “Monty, son, you make me feel old.” 

“You are old,” James teases him, laughing. 

Monty nudges him playfully, shaking his head. “He moves away from us and thinks he’s such a hotshot, doesn’t he?” 

Sirius buts in even though it has clearly targeted to Effie. “James has always thought he was a hotshot, actually.” 

“Hey.” 

“It’s true.” Sirius tilts his head. 

Effie sips on her wine, “Speaking of New York, James, I heard a rumor that Lily is working at Hogwarts Hospital now too.” 

James looks at his plate, “The Chief is recruiting surgeons, that’s why Sirius was brought in.” 

Monty raises his eyebrows, “So, what’s going on there? Are you two getting back together?” 

“Uh, no.” James shakes his head, “Lils and I are just friends.” 

Regulus doesn’t realize how tight he’d been gripping his fork until he sees the imprint of the metal on his skin. 

Sirius is side-eyeing him, unsurprisingly. 

“C’mon, can you really be that good of friends with your ex-wife?” Monty shrugs. 

“I didn’t say we were best friends.” James sighs. 

“Don’t get all upset, we just want to know what’s going on with you.” His father adds, “So, I mean, are you going to try and win her back?” 

“No, Dad.” James says, “Can we please stop talking about this?” 

“What?” Monty asks, “Is there someone else?” 

James scoffs, “I just want to have dinner. Can we please not talk about my failed marriage, maybe?” 

“Alright, that’s enough.” Effie calms them down. “Sirius, how are you?” 

Sirius can de-escalate a situation because he can talk until someone shuts him up. “Oh, you know, I’m great. I like it in Seattle, although it’s not as sunny as I wished it was. And I love my job. How are you guys?”

Effie nods, “We’re quite well, sweetheart.” She squeezes his forearm from her spot on the circular table. “Thank you for asking.” 

Regulus is glad he isn’t next to her, instead sitting in the middle of James and Sirius, wondering how much longer this is going to take. 

He goes to the restroom to get a breath of fresh air. 

〚*〛

Evan is spending his day off at the hospital, complaining to Deni about Dorcas. They haven’t spoken in the past days since the blow-up fight and now, he isn't sure if they ever will again. 

“She’s not even Dorcas anymore.” Evan huffs, squeezing the shit out of a stress ball that Barty got for him from a patient. “I was her best friend before she went around and fell in love with Mckinnon-” 

“Dorcas and Mckinnon are a thing?” Deni asks, intrigued by the drama.

“Yeah.” Evan rolls his eyes, “And then she starts acting all different all of the sudden. Like she totally changed.” 

“I had no idea.” Deni thinks back, trying to remember any sort of clues. Dorcas has always been good at hiding her feelings. 

Evan rubs his eyes with his hands, “I don’t know what to do.” 

Obviously, Deni doesn’t know about the horrible things Dorcas said about her and at this point, Evan refuses to tell her. 

They spend all day together. 

Evan wins three games of scrabble straight, standing up to leave her room around ten, when visitor hours are about to end. 

He leaves her his sweater. 

〚*〛

Since Mckinnon is working on a VIP patient, she handed the case off to Macdonald for the day, trusting her to keep it under control. 

And for some reason, Mary decides to send Evan to plastics and bring Barty in. Let’s just say it was a horrible way to start his morning. 

Macdonald and Crouch come in to check on her. 

“How are you doing, Deni?” She asks. 

Deni sits up, “Better if you could get me off of this,” she nods to the machine next to her. 

“Deni, you know I would,” Mary smiles, “but then your heart would stop beating and Dr. Mckinnon would yell at me. Then we’d both have bad days, hm?” 

Barty speaks up, “Is she a candidate for a portable LVAD?” 

Her face lights up at the word portable.

Evan scares everybody, lingering at the door and interrupting, “She isn’t ready for that yet.” 

Macdonald turns around, face cold, “Dr. Rosier, didn’t I assign you to plastics this morning?” 

“Yeah,” he hesitates, “I was on—you know, on my way there.” But then instead of leaving, Evan steps forward, “Did you tell her about the complications?” 

Barty does, trying to get this awkwardness over as soon as possible, “You’d be risking air embolism, V-fib, and the tubing could kink in your body-” 

“And you would be rushed to emergency surgery.” Evan finishes. 

Macdonald is getting very angry now, “Dr. Rosier, unless Ms. Duquette’s heart is suddenly in need of plastic surgery, you are not doing your job right now.” 

“Okay,” Evan relents, “I’m going. Just don’t do anything stupid today, Deni.” 

She blushes, Barty watches it happen, “You’re not the boss of me today, Mister.” 

Evan really does leave now. Mary and Barty are the only doctors in the room. Barty starts again, ignoring the bitter taste in his mouth after watching them flirt, “E.K.G. echo and nuclear are all in normal limits.” 

Mary smiles when she gives her the good news, “I see no reason why you can’t be up and walking.” 

“Music to my ears, Dr. Macdonald.” 

“Do you have any questions?” She prompts, “There is no harm in waiting a few weeks if you have questions, if you’re worried.” 

Deni shakes her head, “I’ve got twenty tubes coming out of my body, Dr. Macdonald, it’s just. . .” she doesn’t know if she should say it, “Evan gave me some advice and you are giving me some advice and it just so happens that yours is the advice I want to hear.” 

Barty can feel this blow-up coming, even without having to look at Mary’s face to see her expression, “Dr. Macdonald outranks Dr. Rosier. It’s safe to say that her advice is the one you should follow.” 

“Are you worried about hurting Dr. Rosier’s ego and his feelings hurt?” Mary says. 

Barty, standing behind her, shakes his head at Deni, trying to save one of his best friends. “No, definitely not.” 

“Because it would concern me if you were making medical decisions based on how our Dr. Rosier would feel about it.” Mary snaps, not directly at Deni, more so Evan. 

In the hallway, Mary turns to Barty and shuts the door behind them, “What’s going on between Rosier and Deni?” She questions him, “Is it a crush, an innocent flirtation, or is Evan actually crossing the line?”

“I know he likes her but Evan wouldn’t do that, you know.” Barty says, halfing his way to the finish line. 

“I didn’t think that Black or Meadowes would be stupid enough to fall for attendings, either, but apparently I was wrong about that too.” 

Barty’s eyes go wide. 

“You thought I didn’t know?” She rolls her eyes, “Crouch, I always know.” 

〚*〛

James watches Regulus excuse himself from the table and step out to go to the restroom. And if he wasn’t in front of his parents, he would follow him to make sure he’s okay. 

It would raise a lot of questions, so he doesn’t. Besides, what could he say? 

I miss you, I’m sorry I’ve ignored you. 

I’m sorry you felt like I couldn’t be enough for you. 

I’m sorry that you had to go to Barty and not me. 

He doesn’t follow him. 

He just tries to power through dinner so he can tell them later. 

It’s Effie and Monty. They’re fantastic parents, wonderful people, there isn’t a world where they couldn’t love their son because he chose to love someone like Regulus. 

They’re asking Sirius about the Army when James pretends to get a phone call. He stands up, looking at his parents, “Sorry, it’s the hospital.” 

He walks to the hallway, stuffs the phone in his pocket, then slips inside the bathroom. 

Regulus is leaning over the sink, head down, breathing in and out. 

“Reg, what’s wrong?” For one moment, James forgets they are on a break, forgets everything with Barty, he sees Regulus and that’s the only thing his brain can focus on. 

The younger boy stands up straight, “Oh, hi.” 

James is right in front of him, looking him up and down, “Talk to me.” 

“I’m fine.” Regulus tries to put on a brave face. “You should go back out there. I just needed a second.” 

“Do you want me to drive you home?” 

Regulus begins washing his hands, the cold water spilling over his hands. He takes a paper towel to dry them. “You don’t need to drive me home, James, I just needed a second. I’m okay, you should go.” 

James doesn’t move an inch, carefully watching Regulus. 

“I’m not leaving you in here.” James puts his hand on the counter, leaning against it. 

Regulus scoffs, not wanting to tell him to go again. He likes being with James, and doesn't want him to go. 

Regulus stares at him, “Come on, let’s get back out there.” 

〚*〛

Barty traps Evan in the stairwell, cornering him after seeing him getting labs for his own patient. 

“What the hell, Barty?” Evan asks, “You could’ve asked me to talk, you didn’t have to drag me into the stairwell.”

Barty checks around them, not wanting to let anyone overhear. 

“Dude, you’ve got to chill it on Deni.” He tells him, ripping off the bandaid. “Macdonald is on a warpath and it’s not looking good for you, Ev.”

Evan teeters on his feet, “I’m not doing anything Mary is going to get mad at me for.” 

“So, you didn’t tell Deni not to get the portable LVAD when you knew it would help her improve?” 

Evan shakes his head, “It’s so risky. It’s not worth it.” 

“That’s not for you to decide, Evan!” 

He scoffs, “Did Dorcas say something to you?” 

“What?” 

“Dorcas. Did she get to you too?” Evan asks, staring at him. “Oh my God, Barty, are you trying to tell me to end it with Deni?” 

Barty puts his hands on Evan’s shoulders, trying to ground him. “Evan, stop it. Don’t be an idiot. I’m telling you right now that if you don’t start being careful, if you don’t start acting like a doctor, then I swear to God, Macdonald is going to have you thrown out of the program. And I can’t have that happening because you are one of my best friends, Ev, and you cannot get kicked out. I’m telling you to be so fucking careful, okay?” 

Evan seems to understand, “Okay.” 

Barty looks at his hand on Evan’s shoulder, slowly peeling it off, “I’ll take care of her today, you’ll be back on Mckinnon’s service tomorrow. Just get through the day, alright?” 

Evan nods, “I can do that.” 

“Good.” Barty steps past, his hands leaving him. 

〚*〛

At the table, James is staring at Regulus when his father asks why, “What’s going on?” 

“There’s a fly over here,” James spins a lie. “I just got distracted, what were you saying?” 

“We are spending another night here since our flight got delayed.” Effie smiles at her son, “We were wondering if you wanted to have a nice meal tomorrow, I could cook something in your apartment.” 

Sirius side-eyes James, he doesn’t have an apartment. He has a trailer. 

“Oh, well,” James wipes his mouth with his napkin, “I actually haven’t found an apartment I liked enough yet.” 

“Are you and Sirius living together?” Monty asks, “You aren’t in college anymore, boys.” 

James' mouth tilts up, “Dad, I know. And I am not living with Sirius, I just have a little trailer on a piece of land.” 

“You’re living in a trailer?” He seems surprised. 

“Yes,” he nods, “I like it. So what?” 

Effie lowers her voice, “Sweetheart, if you need money-” 

“I don’t need any money, Ma.” James cocks his head, “I’m a neurosurgeon, money is the last thing I need.” 

“Okay, well, we’d love to see it. Meanwhile, we can have dinner somewhere else.” 

Sirius volunteers, “I have a house. We can eat there.” He looks at his friend, “Invite the other attendings. Reggie can invite his friends.” 

James’ jaw tightens, Regulus not missing the way it flexes. He looks so hot right now, Regulus wants to trap him in the bathroom. Instead of making awkward small talk, he should’ve shoved him against the door and left a mark on his neck. Pulled the belt off and got down on his knees, taking his time before-

“Regulus?” James asks, catching his attention. 

Regulus feels every pair of eyes on him, “Pardon?” 

“I just asked if you would be okay with that, having friends over at Sirius’ tomorrow?” 

“Sure.” He nods, checking his watch. 

“We’ll figure it all out tomorrow.” Sirius smiles. He’s always wanted a family like the Potter’s. Good people who actually wanted to hang around him. They never judged, they never gave him anything other than support. Even when Sirius didn’t deserve it. Even when he didn’t want it. 

They never wavered. 

He would do anything to be their son. 

That is why it truly pains him when he is paged to the hospital on one of the very few nights he gets to spend with them. 

Hugging them goodbye, he leaves, waving to his brother and best friend. Then it’s just James, Regulus, Effie, and Monty. 

This puts even more heat on Regulus. He’s so glad when the time comes that he can leave. As nice as they were, Regulus has never been a fan of parents. They just make him uncomfortable. 

He says goodbye, going to sit in the car and wait. 

It’s Barty he calls first. 

Barty answers, he’s at the hospital today, covering Regulus’ shift. “Sup.” 

“Hey, Barty.” 

“How was dinner? Were they bubbly and have sunshine shooting out of their asses?” 

Regulus rolls his eyes, “They were everything I’ve heard about them. Very nice.” 

“Did you get back together yet?” He wonders. 

Regulus whines, “No. He’s still fucking mad. Which I get, I mean, of all people, I slept with you.” 

Barty makes a face, even though Regulus cannot see him, “I’ll have you know that many people would consider themselves lucky to sleep with me.” 

“Not Evan.” 

“Fuck off, Regulus,” Barty snaps, “I’m hanging up on you right now but only call me if you’re trying to get drunk tonight.” 

“Bye.” 

〚*〛

James doesn’t get up to say goodbye to his parents because he wants to tell them now. 

“What’s wrong, James?” His mother asks, always worried about his well-being, “You look a little pale, honey.” 

Nobody has described him as pale before. 

“I was hoping to tell you guys something, actually.” James begins, watching them carefully.  

They lean in a little closer, “You can tell us anything, James.” 

〚*〛

Macdonald is watching Barty strap Deni up, looking at the numbers to make sure she is ready. 

And she is okay, she’s walking around, she’s feeling good. 

It’s not until Barty begins helping her back into bed that she says, “Thank you, and thanks to Dr. Macdonald.” She reminds him to say, “I mean, I couldn’t have imagined I’d get to walk around after being stuck in this horrible bed for so long.” 

Barty gives her his doctor smile. It’s not a real smile, just a polite one for the patients to see (and marvel at, if they’re into him). 

Barty sits on the very edge of her bed, “I know I don’t know you very well.” 

She knows where this is going before he can say it, “You want to talk to me about Evan, right?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Because you disapprove.” She guesses, “Evan talks about you all the time. He told me you were the closest thing he had to a best friend.”

Barty tries not to zero his attention on that, “I’m not saying this to hurt you, or hurt him, I’m not on a high horse. I know this thing with you and Evan is. . . I mean, there are very strict rules about doctors dating their patients.” 

“You know Evan well,” she points out, “you think if I went up to him and said Hey, you know, this is going to be really bad for your career, and you probably shouldn't come around to see me anymore, do you honestly believe that would have any effect on him at all?” 

Barty knows Evan would ignore that, if Deni told him that, he wouldn't listen. 

“The thing is,” Deni continues, “I was healthy my whole life, until I wasn’t. And for the last year, I’ve had a lot of time to lay around in bed and think about my life. And the things I remember the best. . . those are the things I wasn’t supposed to do, and I did them anyway. So, the thing is Barty, life is too damn short to not live the happiest you can. And Evan, he makes me really, really happy.” 

Barty understands, hesitating, “For what it’s worth, Deni, you make him happy too.” 

〚*〛

James’ hands are sweating, palms clammy. “So, you know how when Lily and I broke up, I tried to find someone else?” 

They nod, hopes going up. 

Monty blurts, “Do you have a new girlfriend?” 

“Actually, that’s kind of what I wanted to talk to you about.” He says, “I don’t want this to change anything between us and I didn’t want to keep any secrets because you guys have always been there for me so-” 

“James,” Effie puts her hand on his shoulder, “Take a breath, dear.” 

“I’m bisexual.” 

〚*〛

Evan has never seen Deni up and walking before, he falls a little bit more for her when he does. 

“Look at you,” Evan says, realizing she was taller than he pegged her for. She looks the same height as Sirius, who is a solid few inches shorter than Evan, who is the tallest person in the hospital, only after Remus. “You’re okay?” 

Deni’s face is so bright, “Are you kidding me? I’m great.” She spins, slowly, “I’m half-robot right now and loving it.” 

She steps closer to Evan, who is still in his scrubs. 

Deni hugs him, he drops his head to lean on her shoulder, breathing in, “You’re tall.” 

“I know.” 

In the hallway, Macdonald has her arms folded over her chest, watching her intern falling for a patient. 

Her favorite intern, falling for a patient. 

〚*〛

“James, what are you talking about?” Monty laughs, “You like men?” 

“I mean–I–yeah.” He backs himself, “I like both.” 

Effie tilts her head, about to speak when Monty beats her to it, “James, come on, this is just a phase. You’ll get over this.” 

James shakes his head, “Dad, this isn’t a phase. I fell in love with a man.” 

“Who?” Effie asks, “I want to meet him.” 

Monty isn’t sold on that, “James, are you being serious right now?” 

“I am.” 

Monty leans back in his chair, “Look, son, you fell in love, got married, it didn’t work out. So you moved across the country. You took a new job away from your home and your family and we have been nothing but supportive. But now you tell us out of the blue that you’re switching sides because of one bad breakup.” 

“It’s not because of Lily, Dad, I love him.” James tries to level. 

“No, you don’t.” 

James stands up, “You won’t even acknowledge this?”

“Acknowledge what?” Monty questions, “That will end too, and you know what? You’ll get over it. Maybe we’ll be lucky and you’ll switch back to girls.” 

“Monty, stop it.” Effie snaps. 

James stands up, his mother following him towards the exit, “I’m going home.” He takes the stairs. “In the trailer you disapprove of, living the life you disapprove of.” 

He loses his mom somewhere on his way outside, trying to escape this fucking nightmare of a dinner. 

Regulus is sitting in the driver’s seat when he sees James step into the fresh air, hands over his head, trying to catch his breath. 

When he notices Regulus is waiting for him with the car at the entrance, he opens the passenger door and climbs straight in. “Can you just drive me home, please?” 

Regulus doesn’t move, “What’s wrong, James? Did you tell them?” 

“Just drive, please.” 

Regulus does, only because James is scaring him. He’s never so quiet. He stares out the window, trying to hide the fact he is crying. 

When Regulus pulls in James’ place, he watches James get out and slam the door, quietly thanking him for the ride. 

Regulus gets out, following him. James doesn’t go inside his trailer, he just walks into the middle of it, far enough to see the entire view of Seattle. It’s one of his favorite views. 

Right now, it doesn’t make him feel better. 

He sits on the ground, Regulus coming to his side. James stares straight ahead, “They didn’t take it well.” 

Regulus loops his arm around James’, holding him tight. “I’m sorry.” 

He opens his mouth, using his free hand to wipe the tears from his face, “I thought they’d get it. That they wouldn’t mind.” 

“I know,” Regulus nods, his hands holding on tight, “I’m sorry.” 

James tucks his head into his knees, mumbling, “What do I do, Regulus? I don’t know what to do?” 

Regulus moves in front of him, capturing James’ face in his hands, “This isn’t your fault.” He assures him, making sure James can look him in the eyes, even at night, “You are a wonderful person and if they cannot see that right now, then you know, screw them. I know they’re your parents and you love them but we love you. Sirius and Remus and all your friends. . . and me.” 

James makes a noise of surprise. 

“You?” 

“Yeah,” his knees sink into the grass, “of course. I have loved you since you woke up on the floor of my living room, James. I just didn’t know how to tell you. I love you and I am so sorry.” 

James grabs him by the front of his shirt, Regulus’ mouth latching onto his. James pulls his waist forwards, their bodies crashing into one another. 

“Tell me again,” James asks him. 

Regulus can give this to him now. He used to believe that this whole thing would mean he would lose something. A part of himself would be taken if he told James he was in love with him. 

But right here? Right now? When James kisses him, Regulus doesn’t feel like he’s losing anything. 

For the first time in his life, Regulus Black feels totally, completely whole. 

“I love you, James.” He repeats, “I love you, I do.” 

James nods, sniffling, his kisses growing sloppy and careless. Regulus pulls back, wiping a tear away with the pad of his thumb. 

“You’re okay,” he whispers, kissing his cheek, “you’re going to be okay, baby.” 

James squeezes his eyes shut, Regulus standing up, off of him. 

“Where are you going?” He asks, desperate. 

Regulus offers him a hand, “Come on, let’s go inside.” 

James throws an arm around Regulus, the two of them walking to the trailer together. The stars in the night sky shine brighter out here, but James is only focused on the star right next to him.