Bring The Pain
Regulus wakes up and notices James is not in bed. He’s cooking breakfast in his pajamas, dancing alone to some music in his headphones.
He can’t help but stare, watching intently as he flips pancakes on his tiny little pan.
It’s a while before James realizes he’s awake, moving the headphones to the counter and bringing Regulus a plate.
“You’re up early.”
“I wanted to make breakfast before you left.” He says, giving him a fork and napkin as well. “How are you?”
Enjoying the last few times he’ll ever be with James.
“I’m fine, James.” He says, leaning over to kiss him, “Thank you.”
His manners only come out when he’s next to Potter, evidently.
James loves seeing Regulus in the morning, his hair gets all crazy, he’s definitely not so tense about his life.
It’s a very domestic morning, all in all.
And with every mile farther from James’ place, Regulus becomes just a little more serious.
Until they are at the hospital and the only thing he says is, “Bye, James,” before he gets out of the car and shuts the door.
〚*〛
Evan is listening to Macdonald as she explains during rounds that, “You’re going to go home today, Orion. I’ll be back later to check on you.”
“I have surgery in an hour.” He huffs.
Evan shakes his head, “Mr. Black, you aren’t scheduled for any surgeries today.”
Macdonald looks at him for speaking out of turn, but he knows what he is doing. Evan’s been working the case and it seems that the more he plays into Dr. Black’s illusions, the better of they all are.
"Well, you better get me back on the schedule then." He crosses his arms, "And get him out of here, he's a child."
Regulus leaves the room, doesn't need to be asked twice.
Meanwhile, Dorcas and Mulciber are working on the G.S.W. in the pit, who are bringing them up to the O.R. immediately.
The man is a police officer, his entire patrol team is in the waiting room, waiting to see if he’s going to be okay.
The elevator clanks shut, going pitch black for a moment of seconds before emergency lights click on.
Dorcas is freaking out, “We’re not moving.”
Mulciber is staring back at her, “You think?”
The patient closes his eyes, “This is bad, isn’t it?”
Mulciber begins to try to pry it open while Dorcas begins to read the tiny words above the buttons, “If the elevator stops do not become alarmed. Press the button marked ‘alarm’ to summon assistance.”
She presses it about five times before Mulciber turns and snaps at her, “Meadowes, it didn’t work the past hundred times you tried that so maybe get it in your head that we have lost power and we are stuck here!”
To make matters worse, their patient’s pressure is falling.
“There’s a lot more of his blood in the pleurovac.” She whispers, Mulciber moving to start pressing the button now.
“Why are you whispering? What’s going on?” The officer asks, groaning.
“Someone is going to get us out of here, don’t you worry.” Dorcas says, watching as the doors are pulled open. “See?”
Above them, Macdonald is yelling, “What did you two do?”
“Nothing!”
Their patient is delirious, his pulse thready.
Mckinnon is lying on the ground, half of her face visible between the doors.
Mulciber is freaking out, “He’s going to die. He’s going to die.”
“Intubate him, I’ll be back.” Mckinnon says, rushing off.
“Where are you going?” Mary asks.
“They’re going to have to open him up.”
“What?” Dorcas shouts, intermittently squeezing the bag to let him breathe.
Nobody answers her.
But there is no way they are doing this, right?
They are.
After a few minutes, Marlene comes back, handing Mulciber all the materials. They gown up, putting gloves on.
Everything is ready.
“We are really going to do this?” Mulciber says.
Marlene holds the scalpel through the door, “Take this.”
Mulciber doesn’t nudge. She waits.
But his stillness is irking her and so Dorcas shoves the ventilator to the other intern, the scalpel in her hands. “What do I do, Mckinnon?”
Macdonald seems surprised that Mulciber didn’t reach for the scalpel first, seeming as he is always eager to perform surgery.
Marlene is shouting instructions to Dorcas, “Make a large anterolateral midaxillary incision in the fifth intercostal space.”
She counties and places her fingers on the space, holding the scalpel steady to his skin.
“How big?”
“Big. Don’t cut through the lungs or the heart, but it needs to be long enough to reach your hands in and deep enough, too.”
Dorcas takes a deep breath, eyes on her patient as she slices him open, the light coming from the flashlight Mulciber is holding.
She begins.
And for a long while, it feels like Dorcas and Marlene are the only two people in the entire world. She coaches her through the surgery until Macdonald pulls them out of their trance.
“The fire department is here, they can get the doors open for you.”
“No,” Marlene shakes her head, “nobody moves.” Macdonald’s eyebrows turn. “Look,” she says, “I have an open chest and a very nervous intern there. Keep them back until I give the word.”
Macdonald nods, understanding that.
“Dorcas?”
“I didn’t cut the heart or the lungs, Dr. Mckinnon. I didn’t cut them.” She is so relieved, even though she knows this is far from over.
“Good, good girl.” Marlene says, “Now, you need to check for injuries and do a pericardiotomy.”
Dorcas licks her lips, “I know how to do that.”
“Yes, you do.”
Minutes feel like hours in this elevator, Dorcas looks up at Mulciber only once, who looks like he might be sick right now.
“I removed a small clot from the pericardium. No obvious cardiac injuries.” Dorcas tells her. “B.P. is still very low.”
“Alright,” Marlene quickly sterilizes another tool, “you’re going to need to cross clamp the aorta.”
Dorcas does not know how to do that part until Marlene walks her all the way through it.
After she does that, Dorcas says, “I think I can localize the bleeding.”
“Can you find the lesion?”
“Yeah.” She nods, “I can feel it right now.”
“Describe it.”
Dorcas shakes her head, looking over at the blonde, “It’s too far in to repair it. It’s tiny.”
Mulciber wipes his forehead with his arm, sweat dripping.
“Plug the hole with your finger.” Marlene tells her.
“My finger?”
“Do it.”
“Okay,” she says, wrist deep in a patient. “What do I do now?”
Marlene is sitting up, “Nothing. We’re getting you out. Stay still.”
Dorcas feels like her heart is beating a million miles a minute.
As the firemen are gathering their equipment, Evan leans down to see his friend, “Way to go, Dorcas!”
“I have my finger in a heart.” She smiles, still nervous.
“Very cool.”
〚*〛
Regulus is sitting in the basement trying to decide on what to say in the voicemail when his mother truly picks up the phone.
She speaks immediately, not leaving a second to waste, “Regulus, do you need something, I am in between patients right now.”
“Maman, I was hoping to maybe talk to you about moving back to Boston? You were right, I don’t think Seattle is the best place for me.”
She laughs, a callous, cold laugh, one Regulus hasn’t heard in years. He isn’t quite sure how to react, if he should continue to speak or just shut the fuck up.
“Regulus, I have been waiting for you to come to your senses, I will call you tonight and we can figure out the transfer.”
“Okay,” he nods.
She hangs up the phone call.
That’s when Sirius comes storming downstairs, Mulciber behind him like he’s waiting for a show.
Sirius looks back at him and crosses his arms over the dark blue scrubs, “Scram, Mulciber.”
He follows orders, at least.
Regulus rolls his eyes, “What do you want?”
“Dumbledore just asked me if I’ve signed Orion’s discharge papers yet? You couldn’t have warned me Papa was in the hospital?”
He sighs, “Sirius, I’ll sign them but I really can’t deal with this right now.”
“Did you know?” He yells, “Did you know he had Alzheimer’s?”
He stands up, the boys eye to eye when Regulus clears his throat, “Who do you think has been taking care of him?”
Sirius is so unlike his normal self, he’s shaking and his hands go in his hair.
He’s breathing so fast, like he can’t stop himself.
“Why didn’t you tell me, Regulus, why?”
“Like you had any interest in talking to me in the first place!” God, he’s such a hypocrite. Regulus doesn’t understand how Sirius is mad at him for not communicating while he spent the past ten years actively ignoring him and their entire family. “What was I supposed to do? Track you down to the ends of the earth? You choose not to be here, that was all you, Sirius.”
He’s shaking his head, “I didn’t know. I didn’t know.”
Regulus has no idea what is happening to him right now, so decides that he wants to make this end. “Well now it’s your turn to take care of him, Sirius, because I’mdone.”
Regulus goes to walk away when Sirius grabs his arm, pulling him back, “What do you mean?”
“I’ve been watching him since Maman left and I am not going to do it anymore. It’s time for me to put my career first. I’m leaving.”
“Leaving what?”
Regulus hates how he has to spell everything out, “I’m going to Boston.”
Sirius lets go, “With Walburga?”
“Would it kill you to call her Maman?”
“Would it kill you to be your own person, instead of following in her fucking shadow?” He counters, disgusted. “What about James, huh, does he know you’re leaving?”
Regulus breathes out, looking to the side.
“Are you going to tell him?”
Regulus points a finger at him, “That’s none of your business.”
“It is if you’re planning on breaking my best friend’s heart.” Sirius mentions, “I mean, seriously, Regulus, are you that cruel?”
“I guess I am.” He stomps up the stairs.
〚*〛
Everyone has been paged to the pit because a train has wrecked. Sirius is hiding from his brother while Macdonald sets them free.
The pit is a circus, patients everywhere.
Evan gets someone with bad injuries and a severed leg. Barty and Regulus get pulled onto the best case of the night.
An older man and a younger woman have been impaled by a metal pole, facing one another. They’re both awake and talking, still in shock from the accident.
Regulus is mainly focusing on the girl, Bonnie, while Barty takes over for the man.
Mckinnon instructs them to get as many X-rays and labs because they won’t be able to fit into the C.T. scan.
“We’re flying blind here.” She explains.
Bonnie speaks up, “When are you getting this out?”
The man coughs, “It’s a tad uncomfortable.”
Marlene tells them not to move, “I understand and we are going to do everything we can to get it out as quickly and safely as possible. But before we do that we need to get a better look at what’s happening on the inside of your body.”
Barty and Evan get them up to radiology, moving slowly so as not to trigger the pole to inch even at all.
They pass Dorcas in the hall, she ditches her post to talk to them. “That case looks awesome,” she mumbles, quiet enough the patients don’t hear.
“What are you on?” Barty says.
“Lupin has me debrieding all kinds of burns and stuff.” She rolls her eyes, “Like he’s insanely good at his job, which I get. But I'm not and I’m better at doing surgery. Saving people in elevators, not picking flaky skin off a mangled arm.”
Regulus keeps going, “Well you have fun with that, Dorcas.”
“Yep.”
When the scans finally go up, Regulus is the first to point out that, “It’s going through her spine.”
“T8 is completely crushed.” Barty stares, he’s never seen anything like this at all.
None of them have, not even the attendings.
“He’s not that much better,” Mckinnon looks at the scan, “the pole is hitting his superior vena cava.”
“Is there any way to operate without separating them?” Barty asks.
Macdonald, Mckinnon, and Regulus shake their heads. It’s their resident who says, “Page Potter, he’ll need to look at the spine.”
Barty does it, looking at Regulus to make sure he’s alright, which, in his defense, is fair. Barty doesn’t know that he was with Potter all night long last night.
He doesn’t even acknowledge it.
“If we remove the pole, they’ll both bleed out.”
Mckinnon sits up as if there is a light-bulb floating over her head, “What if we don’t move the pole?”
“What do you mean?”
“What if we move one of the patients off the pole to get the saw in there?” She says, gesturing, “Then we could hold the pole steady in the other one. Move it very slowly and repair the damage as we go.”
“Who?” Barty asks, “Which would you move?”
It’s like asking who gets to live.
Mckinnon leans back in the chair again, “With her aortic injuries, chances of survival are extremely slim no matter what we do.”
James suddenly appears, “Well, I could argue since her injuries are more extensive, we should move him. Give her the best shot we can.”
Regulus doesn’t like this one bit. “So whoever you move is going to die?”
The way nobody answers for him tells him exactly what he needs to know.
“We need to decide soon,” Mary says, “if we’re going to save either of them.”
Mckinnon and Potter have been going back and forth, now walking to see the patient’s for a physical examination.
She is paralyzed on her lower half. Can’t feel a thing. Barty comes in with the labs.
James asks, “Could you wiggle your toes for me, Tom?” He does, clearly having some feeling in them.
“Wonderful,” James smiles.
“What about me?” Bonnie asks, “Are mine moving?”
They are not. Barty sees it. Regulus sees it. So does Mcdonald and Mckinnon. James doesn’t have the heart to hurt her feelings right now, “They are.”
“Oh, good.” She laughs.
“Dr. Potter?” His voice scratches, “Are Bonnie and I going to live through this?”
“We are going to do everything we can, I promise you that.”
〚*〛
Mulciber is in the pit, sewing up wounds since he failed to step up in the elevator. Evan is running around, trying to figure out what the hell he is doing.
It’s not until one of the nurses asks him that Mulciber overhears.
“I am missing a right leg!”
He storms outside to the ambulance bay to check and see if somebody mishandled it and accidentally left it there, “No, no, no, no, no!”
“What’s going on?” A paramedic asks him.
“Please tell me you have seen a cleanly severed right leg?”
Her eyes are wide, “I have not.”
“At all?”
“No.” She shakes her head, “Sorry.”
Evan returns to the phone and calls until he finds a match. Apparently it was stuck until a pile of debris near the crash. As soon as Evan gets it, he works quickly so he can bring it, rushing back into Dumbledore’s surgical room, he is already being talked to.
“Took you long enough, Rosier, I thought you weren't going to come back.”
“I’m so sorry sir,” he apologies, “it was not easy to find.” Dumbledore does not care, having the nurse bring him the leg. “I took the liberty of checking and cleaning the wound for you.”
The scrub nurse pauses, looking down on the leg. “Uh, Dr. Dumbledore?”
“What?” He says, taking one look at the leg before starting to yell at Evan. “Dr. Rosier, look at my patient, does he look like someone who paints his toenails and shaves his legs?”
Oh, shit.
“No.” He gulps, “I’ll go find the right—well, yeah—right leg.”
〚*〛
James looks at Mckinnon, “You were right. Her pulse is weak, spine severed. I was hoping that it didn’t hit, but from that angle, she won’t make it off the table anyways.”
“And Tom, you think he will?” Macdonald asks.
“He’s got better odds.”
“Alright, I’ll let the O.R. know we are coming.” Barty stands up and walks out of the room.
“And Crouch?” Mckinnon says, just before he leaves the room, “Close off the gallery. We don’t need an audience for this.”
They all leave and James looks at Regulus, who is studying the scans, a sad expression on his face.
“Are you alright?”
“She is out there cracking jokes.” He shakes his head, “How are we supposed to tell someone who is cracking jokes in the worst hour of her life that she's going to die?” He says, not willing to believe this.
That good people can have shitty endings.
“It’s not fair.” James says, “But you have to focus on the ones that can be saved.”
〚*〛
Evan covers his other ear with his finger, trying to drown out the sound of the pit. “Look, I realize you are dealing with a lot of carnage but I am asking if you could sift from some of that-”
They flat out hang up on him.
Barty notices, coming up to him carefully, “You look. . . not good.”
“If I don’t find this leg, the Chief is going to cut me from this program. And I cannot go back home, Barty, it is too religious for me there.”
He isn't quite sure how to answer that, “Oh-kay?”
“I need to find this leg!” Evan slams the phone back into the receiver.
“Alright, Ev,” Barty nods, patting him on the back, “I’m going to go!”
“Walk away now,” Evan scoffs, “when I’m cut you might rethink this!”
Evan has his hands in his hair, freaking out to Dorcas. Lately, the two of them have become a lot closer—rightfully so because Barty and Regulus seem to be two peas in a pod. “I’ve looked in the morgue, I’ve looked in the ambulances, I’ve looked in the E.R., how is one bloody, hairy leg going to destroy my career?”
Dorcas puts her hands on Evan’s shoulder, “Hey, you are freaking out right now and you need to take a breath.”
“What I need is to find the stupid thing.” He walks away and heads back to the pit, planning on waiting to figure out if someone magically brings a severed leg into him.
〚*〛
James is standing off to the side of both Bonnie and Tom, explaining the situation. “Your bodies are in a certain amount of shock from feeling the extent of your injuries.”
“What is it, Dr. Potter, just tell me the truth, please.”
He sucks in a breath, “In order to operate on Tom, we have to separate you two.” He looks between them, “And in order to do that, we have to move you backwards off of the pole.”
“You can’t just pull it out of both of us?” Tom suggests.
Mckinnon answers this one, “You would both start bleeding very quickly. Too quickly. Right now the pole is plugging the wounds and once removed, your organs will shift. There’s a great deal of damage.”
“If you move me. . . you’re saying that I am going to die?” Bonnie’s lip quivers, not yet letting out a cry.
Regulus has to tilt his head to the ground, not strong enough to watch her fall apart.
“We are going to everything we can but-”
“But it won’t matter?”
Tom begins speaking after seeing the look on Bonnie’s face. “If anybody has to go, doctors, it can be me.”
“Tom,” Marlene puts his hand on his back, “your injuries are far less extensive.” Regulus notices that James has begun to hold Bonnie’s hand, “If we pull the pole from you as we operate around it, that’s giving us a better chance at repairing the damage.”
“It’s not right,” he says, unable to move anything other than his mouth without making his injuries worse, “it’s not right and it’s not fair.”
“It’s not fair either way.” Bonnie tells him, her eyes squeezed shut as the tears slip out.
James doesn’t speak as he steps into surgery, only talks to Bonnie, “We’re going to put you to sleep when you’re ready.”
“So, it’s not going to hurt?”
He shakes his head, “Not at all.”
“Dr. Potter?”
“Yes?”
“You’re going to be the one who talks to my Danny, right?”
“Yes, Bonnie.”
James is trying to keep himself together when he walks back into the scrub room, eyes watery. Barty is standing in between them, minding his own business for once. Regulus nudges him, Barty rolls his eyes, whispering, “I’m going.”
It’s only the two of them here now.
“Hey,” Regulus says, concerned. “Are you-”
“Potter, she’s crashing!” Barty yells from the inside, Mckinnon stabalizing her body so nothing is shifted.
Regulus finishes scrubbing as quickly as he can, getting into the room.
Mckinnon is shouting orders, “We need to remove her now if we’re going to have any chance.”
“How do we do this?” Crouch asks.
“Team one, continue to stabilize his body, team two let's get the saw in here.” Mckinnon says, “This has got to be fast and smooth people. Black, hold the pole in place. Whatever you do, don’t pull on it.”
“On the count of three,” Marlene tells them, “One. . . two. . . three.”
It takes seven hours to repair Tom’s body, it takes four minutes for Bonnie to die.
〚*〛
James has been awake for the past thirty-six hours so he has to have Sirius repeat himself when he apologizes to his best friend, and he quotes, “I’m sorry that Regulus is leaving.”
James looks up at him, staring across the attendings lounge when he finishes blowing his nose, “Excuse me?”
“I know that Bonnie died, and I’m sorry about that but I am also sorry that Regulus is leaving and I’m sorry that I have to be the one to tell you this.”
They’re the only two in there, which gives James a little leeway to panic.
His face drops and he wonders how all the worst things fall on the same day, “What do you mean—leaving? Where’s he going?”
“He’s moving to Boston.” Sirius raises his eyebrows, “Wants to study under Walburga and I think it’s partly my fault so I’m sorry.”
James can’t believe it, scratching his head. “I need to go talk to him, are you. . . Sirius, are you alright? If you’re not, I’ll stay right here but-”
“I’m fine, I'm just. . .” he licks his lips, clearly his throat, “I just got him back and he still hates me and I don’t know how to talk to him, James, I need you to make him stay. I don’t want to lose him again.” He begs his friend, “Reggie will listen to you, okay?”
James hugs him tight. He needs this right now, Sirius probably does too, although he wouldn’t tell him. He hasn’t ever seen Sirius so desperate right now.
“I can fix this,” James promises him, “I’m going to fix this. For all of us.”
He is a fixer. Always has been. When he was a kid to now. James makes people laugh, makes them happy, he heals them.
It’s what he does.
This cannot be any different right now.
He refuses to let it.
Regulus is scrubbing out of something Macdonald had pulled him in, the last one out of the O.R. now.
He throws the towel in the bin when James steps up to him.
“You were going to go to Boston and not tell me?” He blurts out, one hand leaning on the sink.
Regulus sighs, “I assume you and Sirius had a conversation.”
“What are you doing? Why would you want to go to Boston?” He holds his hands up, "This doesn't make any sense."
Regulus shakes his head, “I cannot stay here anymore. Not with Papa and certainly not with Sirius.”
“What about me? Would you stay here for me?” His hand is resting on his heart, as if he is stabilizing himself, grounding himself, comforting himself.
Everyone is comforted by James; nobody ever thinks to comfort him though.
“James, c’mon, don’t make this harder than it has to be, okay?” Regulus shrugs, tearing off the plain black scrub cap and folding it in his hands.
James pinches the bridge of his nose, “Reg, I’m in this relationship. No matter if you are in my bed or halfway across the country to Boston. I’m so in that it’s humiliating for me so you can't-"
“James-”
“Wait,” he holds a finger up, “just hear me out.” And he begins again, “Here it is. You have a simple choice. Your mother in Boston or me in Seattle. And I know she is a talented surgeon and you would get the best learning of your life. But Regulus, I love you. In a really, really big, pretend to like your mean best friend, let you tease me everyday, hold a radio over my head outside your window, an unfortunate way that makes me hate how desperately I love you. So pick me. Choose me. Love me. I don’t want you to go and if you decide that you are going to stay, I want you to be my boyfriend. I don’t want you to move at all. And the thing with Sirius, I know it’s really complicated and everything but I want you guys to sort it out and I will do anything to make that happen. With you're father, I know he’s really sick but you don’t have to take everything on by yourself anymore. You have a brother, and not only that, you have me. I’m right here, Regulus, stop pushing me away. Let me in, I'm right here. I'm right here.”