Chapter 2
three years later
The piercing icy cold and the deathly grips on the limbs become the least of one’s concerns when you’re suffocating. He had thought he was ready, to die an unknown hero for a greater cause, he really did, until the most primal of fear took over with the tightening of his lungs.
Help.
Please
Help.
Someone help me.
But who would help him? He already sent away the only other backup he came with.
Help
Help me
I still want to live
Help me! Sirius!
Sirius? Right, Sirius. His big brother. He wants his big brother. Sirius would protect him. Sirius would hold him through the night, right?
Right?
He is suddenly strangely calm for a moment. The pain in his lungs felt distant and fuzzy.
It’s so… quiet, so peaceful.
Perhaps it would not be so bad to die after all.
He thought to himself, as his surroundings began to fade into dark.
Then he feels a hand grabbing his collar and dragging him up.
He felt himself pulled through the water, finally breaking free of its surface.
The pain in his lungs returns tenfold as he coughs and chokes and pukes them empty. Yet he still gasps, over and over, for the breath of sweet air finally returning.
Flashing lights spin around him. In the distance, he hears muffled syllables that vaguely resemble his name, but he is much too tired to register it. His head and limbs felt like lead, and the world drifted away into the dark again.
…………..
Brightness was the first thing he registered when his eyelids opened again. So bright he had to squint his eyes back into a slit. It's warm, too. The fabric is soft against his skin, and warmed by the sunlight casting directly into his bed. There are sounds of people talking, clicking of glass against metal, and soft thumping of footsteps. In the distance, someone is yelling angrily, though he could not make out the words.
The next thing he registers when his eyes are adjusted a little better to the light is three sets of eyes staring straight at him. Lupin, Potter, at his bedside, and Madam Pomfrey, standing behind.
“You're awake!”
Regulus’s attention turns back to James Potter, the boy already bounced off his chair and off to the door.
“He’s awake! Pads! Pads! He’s awake!”
Madam Pomfrey shakes her head with a smile as the three of them watch him leave, then returns her attention to him, stepping forward to occupy the space James had left vacant.
“Here you go, Dear, should make you feel better.”
She passes Regulus a glass beaker, the clear liquid within still spinning. He takes a careful sip and scrunches his face up at the taste.
“Oh please, don’t be so dramatic. I trust that he’s in good hands?” she nods to Remus, who nods back. She casts one last glance back at Regulus, before stepping out as well, closing the door James left open.
Silence befalls the two of them, and the noises outside grow more chaotic. Regulus glances up to Remus, who returns him with a friendly, but sad smile. He hesitates. Of course, he knows of Remus Lupin, the Griffindor perfect, top of his year, the most inseparable from his brother save for James Potter. Yet of all the years they shared in Hogwarts they had never crossed paths or exchanged a single word.
“Where am I?” He breaks the silence anyway.
“Ah. Godric's Hollow. One of the safe houses Dumbledore sat up.” Remus replies, “I’m Remus, by the way.”
Regulus nods. “I know.”
That earns him a chuckle.
“The marauders' reputation precedes itself eh?” Remus says with mirth, resting his elbows on the edge of the bed.
“It is true,” Regulus admits. “But you are quite famous on your own too. I have also read your papers on systematic inequality and mistreatments against non-human magical creatures of wizarding society, can’t say I wasn’t impressed.”
Remus blinks in surprise. “You’ve read my essays?”
“You published it, did you not? I found it in the library. It was eye-opening, to say the least.” He takes another sip from the beaker and decides he is done with it for now. He sets it aside on the bed stand, promising himself to finish it later.
Remus seemed like he wanted to say something more, but the door swung open at that moment, slamming itself into the wall, startling the both of them. Sirius, in all his glory, was propping both his arms against the doorway, wide-eyed, somehow looking as bad as he did when Regulus had last seen him three years ago, if not worse. He opens his mouth eagerly, then freezes, stumbling on his own lack of words.
Remus stood up immediately. He moves toward Sirius, gently taking his hand, and guides him to the side of the room, whispering soft words Regulus couldn’t quite make out.
Huh, a lot of things suddenly made a lot more sense.
Regulus didn't get the time to dwell on it, because Dumbledore shows up at the doorway with James behind him. The old man regards him with a nod, which he returns.
“Good meetings, young Mr. Black. I am glad to see you alive and well after all.”
“Yes, I believe it does defeat the purpose of a suicide mission?” Regulus raises an eyebrow.
“Ah!” Dumbledore waves a hand “Don't start with me too, now. I’ve already got an ear full of it from the elder Mr. Black here.”
He takes the chair Remus had abandoned and sits down.
Across the room, Sirius glares.
Ah, so that was what the noise was about.
“Still, I must thank you for your work, young Mr. Black, for both your service from the past year and the sacrifice you made for the task I had given you. The jewel your elf has brought to us has provided a much-needed step towards the end of the war.”
Regulus stills. In the midst of things, he had forgotten about the house elf.
“Kreacher.” He says, a little eagerly “ How is he?”
“Safe,” Dumbledore replies. “I have sent him to your cousin. Miss Andromeda Black volunteered to take him, he will be safe there, treated with dignity and respect, I assure you.”
Regulus nods, visible with relief. “Please relay to him that I wish him to stay there, tell him it’s an order from me if you must.” Kreacher cannot return to the Black household, he knows too much which makes him a risk, as well as puts himself at risk. He shudders to think what his parents would have done to the house elf after this betrayal.
“Now, dear young Mr. Black, I would actually be much more worried for yourself should I be in your shoes,” Dumbledore adds, straightening his robe. “You must know that your mission had not gone as secretly as either of us had hoped, especially with the involvement of the three other gentlemen here.” He gestures around him, and Remus has to physically stop Sirius from lunging at him.
“The Dark Lord knows of your betrayal, so do his minions, and they are angry. Luckily for you, all of the world save for people in this room believes you are currently a corpse under the lake back in that cave. I would suggest we keep it that way, Mr. Black. You should be safe, here, in this house, but I very much doubt this will be the case should you step out.”
Regulus’ jaw hardens. “What would you have me do?”
The wrinkles on the corner of Dumbledore’s eye curves into a smile.
“Stay, for the time being.” He replies “ Focus on your recovery. Your Brother and his companions have already agreed to stay with you and assist with any necessities.” He raises a finger to Regulus’s immediate objections. “Both Mr. Potter and Mr. Black the elder have targets on their back as well, a period of laying low is much needed for all of you. I will have to contact Mr. Pettigrew as well. ”
“Right.” Regulus sighs in defeat. “ Wait, Pettigrew? Peter Pettigrew? Is he a spy you planted as well? I’ve been meaning to ask. He was present at the last meeting.”
It felt as if the room suddenly was still. All four other men in the room glance at each other, their faces twisted into such a grim expression that already gives him the answer he needed.
Dumbuldore’s eyebrows knitted together. “No, Peter Pettigrew was never placed into the Dark Lord's forces by me. If your information is true, Mr Black, then I must go. This proves you all are at a bigger danger than we have anticipated before. I will inform you should any updates come up.”
………………………………
Regulus sits on his bed while the others set up layers and layers of wards over the house. He had insisted he had been well enough to do his part as well, but the other three were just a bit more stubborn than him on that he should remain in bed and recover.
He is already forbidden to go out, too much of a risk to show his face on the streets. And now he is confined in his bed, consumed by boredom and completely useless. Trapped inside this little house when there is a war going on.
It’s humiliating, really, to be coddled like this.
A knock from the door pulls him back from his thoughts. Remus Lupin’s head popped up from behind the wooden door.
“Still sulking I see.” there’s an easy smile on his face.
Regulus huffs. “Not like there’s anything else to do.”
It earns him a chuckle, as Remus moves to sit beside him. “How are you doing?”
“Been better.”
Remus hums at that. His hands held together, his arms casually resting on the top of his washed-out jeans. His gaze held up expectantly. It’s strange how quickly and easily this man could make you feel comforted, but at the same time makes you feel like a child being gently reprimanded.
Regulus looks down at his lap. “I cannot stay here.”
“Why not?”
“Why- there’s a war going on! People are struggling, people I know are in danger, and I-“
“And so are you.”
He startles at the cut in. “ What?”
Remus simply shrugs. “You talk as if you’re not a victim of the war as well. You talk about the violence that is taking place hurting other people when yourself almost died twelve hours ago and are still recovering from the damage. You want to be out there, saving lives but then it stops mattering when it comes to your own. Is that right?”
“I-” Regulus reddens in embarrassment. Should it be anyone else he would have rebutted mercilessly with insults sharp as a knife. He would demand how dare they presume him like this. But at this moment? he respects Remus too much for that.
“Trust me, you’re not the only idiot I know that is like this.” He chuckles sadly, whether towards himself or towards Regulus, he doesn’t know. “But the truth is, we would all much prefer if you’re alive than dead.”
Regulus… doesn’t know how to respond to that. The surge of warmth blooms in his chest and his eyes start stinging as his hand clenched tighter at the linen sheets.
“Thank you.” He eventually settled on.
“So,” Regulus starts again. “You and Sirius?”
It becomes Remus’ turn to turn red. “I was- uhhh… I was hoping you wouldn’t catch on to that.” The raised eyebrow from Regulus only made him turn more scarlet. “If that is going to be a problem I-”
“There’s no problem.” Regulus quickly cuts in. “Though I think you are much too good for him, each to their own, I suppose.”
Remus stares at him, mouth agape. In seconds his own perfectly poised face cracks, and they both burst into laughter.
Perhaps he managed to make something good out of this situation after all.
As the laughter dies down he hesitates.
“May I, ask you something?”
“Yes?”
“I know Sirius has wronged you before. I do not know the details, I know those are not my place to know. But, I suppose I witnessed the aftermath of it, years ago. Whatever it was, it was not taken lightly. How do you- hmm… How did you two- How were you able to move on from it? To forgive him after everything? After he hurt you?” And is it possible for me to move on too? He didn’t say.
He suppose Remus heard him anyway, because the next thing Remus does is sigh, as if bracing himself for something, then stood up from his chair to sit next to Regulus on his bed.
“It was not easy.” He says. “I’m going to be honest, it was not easy. I was, I was so angry then, and so heart broken, I could not even look at him. And your brother, well, And I love him. Every time I saw him after that day it was like the guilt was eating him alive from the inside out, and that hurt me too. I spent so long feeling angry, then hating myself for still loving him, in the end I was just tired. As for Sirius, he tries. He tried so hard to make it up for me, not just because he felt bad for what he did, but also because I was hurting.” his lips tuggs lightly, his tone bittersweet. “Even with all that, it took me a long time to let him back in, and even longer for me to move on. And then one day I woke up and realised I was no longer angry, and all that was left was love. And I told him I forgave him.”
He scoots closer. “I won’t claim to know the details either, but I know about the tower, and the fight you guys had. Whatever you decide moving forward, that is within your rights. But know this, he really does love you as well, more than he lets on, and probably more than either of you realize.”