Hotel check ins.
Lily’s Pov.
After all the chaos on the plane, all the chaos Lily apparently missed because she was asleep, she couldn’t help but be immediately grateful once they hit the tarmac and the enclosed space- entrapping them all with tension, was gone.
Well she was grateful, until they got off the bus they hired and arrived at the hotel, the second they had their keys and were checked in Remus had ran off to his room, key clutched in his hand.
Well, Remus didn’t run, he would never give Sirius the satisfaction, never give anyone the satisfaction, but he did walk rather briskly, rather tense, off and up the stairs, rather than being further confined in the elevator with the rest of them.
She can’t blame him, not really.
But if he thinks he’ll get out of a conversation with her that easily, he’s got something else coming.
She quickly gets everyone checked into the 9 rooms she has booked, despite knowing they will only need 7 as James and Sirius and Evan and Peter will share, she has done this because she knows that all the inevitable tension bubbling under the surface, is sure to blow up at least once this trip, and therefore ensuring everyone has their own rooms to retreat to, felt like a necessity to reduce any future unnecessary tension.
Nowadays simply booking hotel rooms has her longing for the days the group wasn’t severed down the middle.
And now she is ever dragged in two different directions, never sure how to handle it.
She can handle the animosity between bands, she’s a professional, but the animosity between the friends, that curdles and twists in her stomach making her itch to climb out of her skin, unsure how they will ever get back to normal.
They will, she has to believe that, despite the festering negative feelings, the love lingers strong, pushed down and hidden behind boxes and boxes of repressed emotions and traumas that at least half the group has been subjected to.
They just need to find it again.
So, being one of the people not involved in the feud, and one of only 2 people who hasn’t let the feud affect them, she finds herself outside Remus’ door, knocking before barging in.
“Wha- Lily?!” Remus exclaims, shock and residual anger covering his features from the last few hours of travel.
She simply raises an eyebrow for him, she can pity people for years, care and support her friends, but she will not accept the anger from her friend, when both of them know she didn’t do anything to earn it.
“Sorry.” He repents sheepishly, “In my defence, you still barged into my room.”
“I knocked,” she has her own cheeky, sheepish smile on now, “and besides, it’s just what we do.” She smirks.
Unable to protest Remus nods his head towards the door and then settles down onto the bed, she shuts the door before sitting down next to him, and turning her body, so their knees brush and she can look him in the eye.
“So,” she starts, before immediately stopping and just watching him.
“So, what?” Remus asks, clearly not willing to start the conversation he knows she has come here for.
“So….”
“You know I like spending time with you.” he starts.
“Remus you flatter me.” She responds, batting her eyelashes at him in an overdramatic sense.
“However,” he continues, raising his voice just enough to show he is continuing, “you clearly have something you want to say.” He admits.
“Well, I was simply giving you an out, to delay the conversation, but since you don’t want it.” She complains, heaving an overdramatic sigh.
“No I do.” He interrupts hastily.
“Since you don’t,” she continues, raising her own voice for emphasis this time, “I guess we can get straight to the point.” Her face falls into a much more serious one this time, as she now intends to dive into the conversation.
“Lily.” Remus all but whines, he would never actually whine- he isn’t the childish duo of Sirius and James, but when he complains he can get damn close.
“Remus.” She responds sternly, and he falls back onto the bed with and oomph as his head hits the pillow without his hands coming out to stop him, “Oh don’t be so dramatic.”
“I’m not being dramatic.” He responds, dramatically.
“Oh you are, I’m starting to wonder if Sirius syphoned off all your drama and now that he’s gone you took it all back.”
Remus tenses at Sirius’ name, but Lily keeps going, “And honestly, it’s the most important reason you should get back together, because dramatic Remus is a very odd specimen.”
“Not because I have been in a shit mood?” Remus asks, eyebrow quirked.
“Well that too, but I figured if I said it you’d deny it.”
“True.”
“Except now that you’ve said it.”
“Ah no, I said I’m surprised you didn’t say it.”
“No I think you admitted it.”
“Lily.”
“Remus.”
“Lily.” Remus says again, a slight sense of exasperation this time.
“No Remus.” she says firmly this time, unwilling to let it go, yet again, “You have been miserable, you just need to admit it.”
“Ok, firstly I’m not.” Lily lets out a scoff, “Secondly, even if it was I don’t see the relevance.”
“You don’t see the relevance?” Lily scoffs as she continues, “Your happiness should be the most relevant thing to you.” when Remus rolls his eyes, she whacks him on the arm.
“Remus John Lupin!” she exclaims towards him, “I am absolutely sick of you neglecting yourself, you are hurt, and whilst I absolutely do not think your happiness should be dependent on another, clearly in this case it is, and you need to suck it up and either talk to him, or” and her vice gets softer at this bit, “talk to me,” she searches his eyes imploringly, “or someone, Regulus, even Pandora or Barty, just please talk.”
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Remus please.” She says, a scolding hint to his voice, despite the softness she knows is still there, lingering.
He stares at her for a while before sighing and sitting up.
“You know I haven’t even told Regulus.” He says, looking into his eyes imploringly as if she could accept this as a reason for him not to talk.
“Well it is about his brother, so I don’t think you’re betraying your best friend title by talking to me about it first.”
He glares at her slightly, but with no real animosity behind it.
“Or if you only talk to me about it.” She adds with a laugh.
She won’t push him that far, but they also both know that she won’t just allow him to shut down again after only having spoken to her, and a step to prove he isn’t shutting down is by talking to Regulus.
When there is silence for a moment too long to imply that Remus isn’t simply thinking of his response, Lily speaks up to prompt him again.
“So…” she prompts.
“You know you seem to love that word Lils.” He laughs, but it sounds strained.
“Remus, please.” She whispers, her voice the softest it has been this whole conversation.
“Fine.” He sighs, before collapsing back down onto the bed to start talking.
She settles down next to him, and, as they both stare at the ceiling he starts to speak.
“If I’m completely honest, I’m still not entirely sure why we broke up.”
“Remus.”
“No,” Remus cuts in swiftly and firmly, “I’m being serious Lily, I am not entirely sure. I can’t even say everything once went really well, because it never did really. It was almost always flawed, something wrong.”
“What do you mean?” Lily asked, frowning now.
She thought the boys were perfect for each other, a great match, she watched them pine for years, oblivious for their own feelings and then oblivious to the others, until eventually they managed to sort their shit out.
And now Remus is saying it was never good? She can’t bring herself to believe it, but she can’t imagine Remus lying to her about such a thing either, so she goes quiet, lets him keep talking.
“I don’t really know, we danced around each other for a while, as you probably saw,” Lily definitely saw- everyone saw, “and then when we finally, kissed, it was great.”
Lily smiles nodding, encouraging, letting him know it’s ok to continue.
“And I thought- this is it, either he is going to run and I fucked everything up, or I get everything I want.”
“But he didn’t run.” Lily states, it’s not a question, she knows, their relationship was public after all, and very quickly, Sirius seemed to take it on himself to publicise their relationship, almost immediately, as if it was a big fuck you to Walburga and Orion Black.
She thought it was hasty, but she couldn’t blame him, all this frustration and need to be himself, he always liked to be the centre of attention, it made sense he wanted all attention on the part of him he had been taught to repress.
“No,” Remus supplies, “he didn’t run. If I’m completely honest I think that’s part of the problem.”
When Lily frowns he continues again.
“After we got together, everything publicly was this big dramatic act, a fuck you to anyone who might object to us, our sexualities, but that’s just it, it was an act. It was completely different in private.”
“Oh.”
“I know it probably seemed fine for you, but that’s the thing, the act got so big, immediately, that it was to our friends too. It felt like I couldn’t talk to anyone, because why would anything be wrong?”
Lily stays silent, letting him take his time, when he is quiet for too long, she places a soothing hand on his arm and he continues, “I-“
“You don’t have to.” she quickly interrupts, she knows she pushed him into this conversation, and she won’t take back the fact that she thinks he needs to talk, but she doesn’t want to push it too far, “The hand on the arm was comfort, not a prodding.”
“I know,” and he laughs a little, “believe it or not I know you Lily, I know you’re not pushing, but I’m continuing anyway. “
“Okay.”
“I don’t think he actually meant to hurt me.” He supplies, a soft look in his eyes, “After all he’s still Pads.”
“People can surprise you.” she adds, even though she doesn’t want to argue with him either, she can’t imagine Sirius hurting anyone intentionally- at least not those he loves.
And despite everything, she knows Remus is one of those people.
“I know, but its Pads, he- he wouldn’t.” he pauses to take a shuddering breath, and Lily resumes the small circles she was unconsciously rubbing into his arm, “I don’t even know if he knew he was doing it- not at first. And when I started pointing out how distanced he was, he started clinging.”
Lily doesn’t say anything, even though this sounds like the most un Sirius thing ever- being distant with those he loves, he is essentially a puppy.
“And, it wasn’t even like the clinging was wanted, it was more that he was trying to stop me leaving, at the time I thought it was ridiculous, you know?” he laughs but its bitter, and hurt and his eyes are glazed,
“Why would I ever leave this man that I had waited so long for, but the clinging, it was clear he almost didn’t want to- I couldn’t tell if he was clinging because he wanted me.” His voice breaks on the last word, as if reliving how desperate he was for that to be true, and he is now suffering the crushing weight of it not being true.
Still he continues, “I wasn’t sure if he wanted me, or if he was clinging so I wouldn’t leave, and his reputation of saying fuck you to his parents would fall apart around him.”
Remus starts fully crying now, and it is so unusual that Lily freezes for only a split second- but a split second too long in her mind, before she is embracing him in a tight hug, she grabs his head with one hand and pushes him into her embrace gently, so that she can cover as much of him as she can, as if she can protect him, if only she can curl in on him and shield him from the storm.
“I- I just,” Remus tries sputtering out, but his words aren’t forming and everything is a mess.
“It’s ok, it’s ok, give yourself a minute, you deserve a minute, everyone deserves a minute.”
And he just gives up trying to speak and keep sobbing, and the noise, the feel of him shaking as he heaves in incomplete breaths in her arms breaks her heart clean in two.
“Oh love. Oh I’m so sorry.”
He keeps crying, and she takes to rubbing his back with the hand that isn’t cradling his head, trying to cover as much of him as she can.
She feels almost like a mother cradling their now too big child, yet unwilling to ever admit defeat in the face of their love.
“I’m here love, I’m here, not going anywhere.”
And she just keeps muttering words over and over, because yes her friend loves silence and it can be good. But he hasn’t let this out to anyone, and she has an abundance of words and support she needs to give him, and she will do that forever.
“You are doing amazingly, I love you so so much, I fucking love you Remus and I am right bloody here, I am never letting go okay? I love you so so much. I love you forever.”
And she keeps mumbling nonsense that somehow means everything into his hair as he continues to cry unrelenting sobs into her chest, creating a huge ocean of tears that are stopping the two halves of her chest gluing back together as she consoles her friend.
Oh it is so much worse than she thought.
***
After Remus has drifted off to sleep and she has messaged Regulus, letting him into the other boys room, shutting the door softly behind her, she goes off to find her next target, Sirius.
And once upon a time she would have yelled, but that is because once upon a time she didn’t know this beautiful boy.
The one that cried over letters from his brother, that had a back riddled with scars, that defended her with a fierce tongue and harsh pranks, that picked her up after her own crying sessions due to letters from her sister.
But she knows him now, and even not fully knowing what happened between him and the other boy, she knows for a fact that he has been breaking long before that first kiss, he was just being so, well Sirius- that no one picked up on it.
He wasn’t like Peter who would cry his emotions out, or Lily who spoke to someone the second something went wrong so things wouldn’t snowball, he wasn’t like James- who hardly ever broke his mask of happiness that you had to keep a sharp eye out for any cracks in his foundation, he wasn’t like Regulus who you knew always had something going on that no one was privy to, no matter how hard you pushed he wouldn’t let out.
No Sirius Black was beautifully unique, and he wore his heart on his sleeve, never asking for help, but being open enough that people knew went to offer it.
He was so open, and happy, never asking for help, but not denying it too hard either, that the idea he had an underlying problem no one had seen would not be in anyone’s minds.
But it is now, and Lily is not going to leave him to cave in on himself for any longer than he already has.
She is going to talk to him, going to offer a shoulder, get him to talk to James, get him a little support network for this new problem.
She knows she could get more people to support Sirius, they all would at the drop of a hat, but this problem has clearly been budding for years, and he just needs a stable start right now, and for Sirius, that will forever come in the form of one James Potter.
And Lily, well she is the one who is aware there is something to help other than the obvious breakup, some underlying problem.
And well, she also can’t resist offering help, it feels like some innate impulse, a need to feel needed.
It’s one of the reasons she thinks she felts drawn to James all those years ago, it’s also the reason they didn’t work.
She wanders around the hotel until she comes up to the pool finding Sirius sat on a chair with Barty lying next to him, both in some seemingly deep discussion, whilst Pandora and James mess around in the water next to them.
Her eyes linger on the second pair for a moment, the water weighing down Pandoras long locks, the sun glinting off the water drops that must be clinging to her eyelashes, and Lily finds herself taking an unconscious step further forward, as if wanting to look up close.
But she catches James’ attention from the corner of her eye, and so she tears her gaze from the other girl to look at him, and he is simply smirking at her.
She scowls in response, before a slight smile curls her lips, her emotions- for the first time in a long time, an unregulated mess as she looks back to Pandora.
She quickly tears her eyes away again- uh what is wrong with her- before marching over to Sirius.
She then realises how ridiculous her walk is, she is trying to be comforting not managerial, and softens her gait, before coming up in front of Barty and Sirius, subsequently blocking their view from the sun.
“Crouch, I need to talk to Sirius.”
“How come he’s Sirius and I’m Crouch?” he asks, a slight scowl to his mouth, but it is dulled by the amusement in his eyes… wow this group scowls a lot.
“Because you’re a fucking nuisance.” She bites back, despite the smile covering her face at their exchange.
Her and Barty have always had an arguably flirty banter between the two of them, in fact there was a few instances after her and James broke up where people suggested they give it a try, they never did of course, but it was always a rather funny implication.
“Awe you love me.” Barty responds batting his eyelashes, way more than a tad dramatically.
“Regrettably.” She rolls her eyes as Barty smirks at her, before jumping up and giving her sloppy kiss to the cheek.
She, understandably, pushes him in the pool, not a laugh escaping her lips as she smirks down at him, clearly her poker face has much improved after spending too much time with the dramatic, yet well performing Black brothers.
Barty splutters as he breaks back up through the surface, clutching James’ shoulder for support, clearly trying to drag him down with him.
“Betrayal.” He sputters out through the water almost clogging his words, “And I thought you loved me.”
“Love passes.” She responds with a smirk, before flipping him off, not needed to be manager professional for another day, not that her job would ever stop Barty flirting with her.
“Not for me, you wound me.” He sighs falling back into James’ arms, that he quickly lifts up to catch the idiot, before seemingly deciding better of it once instinct has passed, and throwing the boy to the other end of the pool instead.
“Betrayal twice!” Barty yells, “though it doesn’t hurt as much as the betrayal from my wife.”
“Please,” Sirius scoffs from behind her, “If she marries anyone is should be Evan.”
“Seriously?” Lily asks, and Sirius lets out a big grin resulting in everyone except Lily groaning and moaning out, “Don’t.” in almost perfectly practiced unison.
Lily, usually the first to reprimand him, finds herself smiling at the fact he is happy, and Sirius, apparently picking up on this oddity, frowns and simply says, “Let’s talk.”.
And so she sits down on the chair next to him and they do.
The conversation ends up going quite similar to the way it went with Remus, Sirius- after a bit of coaxing- admitting his simultaneous distance and clinging, but when she tries to reach the actual root of the problem, she can practically see the curtains shut behind his eyes as he closes himself off, so she does what she thinks is best.
And she calls James up from the pool and send the two of them off to James’ room, which they will most likely share the whole trip, with Sirius’ promises to talk.
She sighs as she watches their retreating forms, feeling discontented with her friends unhappiness, before turning back to the pool and seeing only Pandora left.
“Where did Barty go?” she asks, a slight furrow to her brow.
“Off to get dry, you did push him in fully clothed.” She points out, but there is a smile to her features.
“Shit. He was being a pit of a prick.”
“Yeah,” Pandora agrees softly, “It’s who he is though isn’t it?” she asks a smile to her face.
“Yeah I suppose.” Lily admits reluctantly, though she has a similar smile etched across her features.
“You going to come in?” Pandora asks, drifting slowly closer to the edge, and looking at her now, wet hair framing her face, her skin continuing to glisten under the sunlight, her smile soft and gentle gracing her lips, her eyes somehow managing to twinkle whenever Lily catches sigh of them, Lily struggles to comprehend that this beautiful girl isn’t really a siren, lulling her to the depths.
“Kinda not dressed for it.” Lily allows instead.
“You didn’t seem to care about that half an hour ago.” Pandora points out blushing, and Lily feels her cheeks eat, though for what reason she doesn’t know.
“Come on,” Pandora hold her hand out and up towards her, and Lily takes in her spindly fingers, long and slender, falling off of her wrist which is so dainty, and in the least controlled way Lily can think, grabbable.
She watches as the water trails down the other girls arm, all the way until it collect and slides down to her collarbone before melding with the water that reaches Pandoras chest.
And Lily is so tempted to grab her hand and walk into the pool, embrace the chaos she was clearly happy to put toward Barty.
But she doesn’t, “Tomorrow maybe?”
“OK.” Pandora replies easily, rolling her eyes with a smile, “But I expect plenty of swimming dates in compensation.”
Lilys brains stutters on that last word, as she watches the other girl let her feet lift gently off the pool floor below her until she is lying on her back, laying and looking perfectly serene across the surface of the water, her eyes fluttering closed.
“Date?” she whispers under her breath, they can’t date- she knows that- but it doesn’t stop the shock that rolls down her spine.
Evans Pov-
That night, the first night in their destination they decide to have a big Party.
And yes, he only just finished shepparding around his drunk friends like 12 hours ago, but that means he didn’t get to take part, so he spoke to Lily, who agreed they all needed… a break, in the smallest terms.
A break this soon into the trip should be concerning, but after everything that has happened it isn’t much.
Regardless, they are all gonna have a friendly ‘drink sesh’ in Sirius’ hotel room, that way they can all get absolutely smashed without having to guide others home, and Sirius stays in James’ room anyway, so his room is now just going to be a designated drink spot to get out the nerves the night before the first show.
So, as it turns 9 o’clock, they all rendezvous in Sirius’ room, a bring your own liquor to share policy, and they all proceed to get smashed.
They start off with a round of shots, courtesy of Lily, that everyone indulges in, shooting the burning liquor back in seconds, before working their way onto other, more permanent drinks. Everyone drinking, except Regulus and James, the latter of which seeming to be eyeing up the former from the other side of the room.
And Evan can’t help but watch the pair of them, his curiosity peaking.
They haven’t spoken since the break-up, and despite knowing both of them are fiercely loyal friends, he can’t imagine a scenario that would require them to cut each other off.
Regulus doesn’t do friends, well he does- but he doesn’t admit it, in his own words he ‘tolerates’ other people, and back before everything went to shit he seemed to unconsciously ‘tolerate’ James a lot more than everyone else.
And now they haven’t spoken in months, and James is eyeing the other boy up, his eyes dark, and even as he laughs at the people around him, he never lets his eyes stray from the younger boy for too long.
“Wow, into Potter now?” comes a voice from behind his shoulder, making him jump.
“What?” he replies, a confused lilt to his voice.
“Potter, you’ve been staring at him for ages, you leaving Pettigrew, or eyeing him up to be a part of your throuple?” Barty asks, a slight laugh to his voice indicating that he is merely joking, but Evan can see genuine curiosity burning through his eyes, and he is curious as to why.
“I wouldn’t cheat on Peter.” He replies instead.
“I know you wouldn’t.” Barty replies, seemingly amused at the idea.
“I’m not leaving him either.” He retorts, probably a bit harsher than necessary, but oh well, he can blame the liquor.
“I’m glad.” Barty responds genuinely, but he keeps staring at Evan as if waiting for him to continue.
“What?” Evan asks when his staring has gone on for too long, and he feels an uncomfortable twist in his stomach.
“Well, you just haven’t answered my third question.” Barty winks, before taking a sip of his drink.
“What third question?” Evan responds.
“You scouting him out for a throuple?”
“I-“ Evan goes to start, but is quickly cut off.
“Or anyone really?” he asks smirking, but Evan knows Barty, and he sees the strain between his eyes, and it clenches at Evans heart, he doesn’t know why.
“I was watching Potter watch Regulus.”
“Oh?” Barty asks, and if possible, his smirk grows, “a foursome then?”
“No, for fucks sake Barty,” Evan replies, flustered, though he isn’t quite sure why, “Potter keeps looking at Reg, I want to know why.”
“Oh.” Barty responds, before looking over towards the two people in question, but before he turns around Evan sees a flicker of something cross his eyes, and before he can find a reasoning, or even explain his choices, he is feeling the need to stutter out an explanation.
“I don’t have anything against throuples.”
“No?” Barty asks, gaze fixed away from him, and its killing him that he doesn’t know whether its intentional or not.
“I have nothing against throuples, I just I need to give a shit about the person you know?”
“What?” Barty asks, and he’s staring at him, and he can’t tell whether it makes him feel better or worse about the situation, his stomach seems to be loosening and tightening knots all at once, which really just results in him feeling sick.
“I don’t,” its Evans turn to look away from him this time, “I don’t like fucking just to fuck, I need to care about the person I’m with.”
“You don’t care about Potter?” he asks, and there it is again, that overly curious glint in his eye that makes Evan feel weird under his gaze.
“Not in that way.” Is all Evan provides in response.
“But you and Peter?”
“He gets it,” Evan nods his head, as if convincing himself- Peter does get it, he really does, it’s one of the reason throuples is off of the table for the two of them, he doesn’t know how the other boy would react if he started talking about being into other people, he might think he wants to leave him, which Evan would never ever do, but it’s hard to convince him of. “He doesn’t want to do anything I don’t.”
And just when Evan thinks that’s the end of the conversation, Barty adds one more question, “And if you found someone you were interested in?” he asks, and just like that, Barty’s gaze has left him again.
“I wouldn’t leave Peter.”
“I know.”
“That’s all that’s important really, isn’t it?”
“Yeah I guess.” Barty responds, before downing the rest of his drink and walking off.
Evan just stands still.
A while later, he is sat on the couch in the corner, just watching the room and taking in the sight of all his friends having fun, and he wants to smile, he tries to smile, but the tension between some of them could be cut with a knife, and after that conversation with Barty, his own tension feels as though it has been added to the mess.
Eventually, seemingly sensing his boyfriends quiet demeanour, he finds Peter plopping down next to him and laying his legs across the other boys lap.
“Hey.” Peter whispers, laying his head on his shoulder, so that Evan can lean his own head on top, the other boy slowly lifts his hand, placing it on Evans arms and starts rubbing small circles into it, “What’s up?”
And maybe it’s the alcohol, maybe he is just tired, maybe he is falling in on himself and his doubts about, well everything, but he just wants to spill his problems out onto this boy.
And that isn’t problematic he supposes, much to the contrary actually.
Its healthy. But still he reigns it in slightly as he feels himself collapsing, and starts of small.
“What if I liked someone else?” he asks, his words coming out slurred, and he feels Peter tense under him for a second, before relaxing and resuming his rubbing on the other boys arm.
“Well,” he starts softly, but Evan hears the slight tremor in his voice before he schools it well under control, “that’s ok, you can’t control things like that, I just wish you would tell me if it happened.”
A pause, and Peter continues, “Are you telling me that it happened?” he asks softly, “You know you can tell me anything.”
“Yeah.” He lets out, a mere whisper coming from his throat.
“Ok.” Peter whispers out, matching his volume, continuing the small circles into his arm.
He goes silent for a second before repeating “Ok.” Again.
They stay like that for a few minutes, “Were you worried how I’d take it?” Peter asks him in a small voice, the smallest Evan has heard in a while.
“Yeah, I know what we said-“ he goes to start, probably rambling, but Peter, the sweetheart he is, cuts him off, and Evan finds himself wondering how he is so controlled when drunk, he supposes it’s just another one of the amazing qualities this man possesses.
“No, Ev, I told you, what you said doesn’t matter, your choices they can change.” His voice cracks on the last word, and Evan looks up, finally seeing his boyfriends face, and the tears now streaking it, and even in his drink stupor, he feels an intrinsic need to make it better, he lifts his hands to wipe under his boyfriends eyes, his thumbs as gentle as he can manage against his skin.
“Pete?” he asks, his own voice cracking now, “It’s ok, it doesn’t matter, I don’t need anything else, you are enough, you are so enough, I love you.”
That seems to break Peter out of his trance as he reaches up and grabs his hands pulling them away from his face, not yet letting go of his wrists.
“No I’m fine.” Peter insists, and when Evan finds it within his drunken mind to raise an eyebrow in question, clearly unwilling to let it go, he continues, “Ok, I’m not fine,” Peter confesses, “but I will be, and you can’t stay with me just to protect me, you need to look out for yourself.” Peter points out with a strained smile.
And it takes Evan a minute, but when he does he smiles, oh this silly, beautiful boy.
“Right,” Evan starts, determined to make his words make sense this time, “that is not what I meant. I would never leave you, never.”
“Ev-“ Peter starts to interrupt but Evan cuts him off.
“No, I am not saying this for some spare your feelings shit, I love you Peter, I have loved you for so long. And that is never changing, and I am not leaving you unless you chase me away with a pitchfork.”
“I don’t understand.” Peter replies uncertainly, but he doesn’t pull away when Evan grabs his face again- not to brush away tears this time, but just to hold it.
“I love you, that is the main thing I need you to understand.” And he brushes a chaste smile of a kiss to the other boys lips. “And I am not leaving you, I told you about my sexuality, my- lack of strong feelings for people, how rare they are, how confusing it’s always been for me.”
“Yes.” Peter whispers, clearly confused, but here to support, as he always has been and Evan hopes he always will be.
“And you said to tell you if anything changes, and something has.”
Peters eyes fall again and Evan hastily continues, “Not with you, never with you, but i-“ he hesitates and Peter gives a nod with a small smile gracing his lips, ever his supporter, ever his rock, he can’t imagine how Peter could ever think he would leave him, that’s simply not in the cards for them. “I- well there’s someone else I, feel for I guess- and I would never do anything about it.” he hastily adds.
“But there’s never been anyone else.” Peter states, but it comes out like a question.
“I know. You were the first, the only person I loved, the only person I even felt any semblance of attraction to, but now it’s happened again, and it doesn’t lesson anything for you, but I, I-“
“You wanted to let me know?”
“Yes.” Evan all but whispers back.
“This is a big thing for you.”
“I know, that’s why I came to you.” Evan replies, and he says it with such genuinity and truth, that Peter smiles for the first time since the beginning of the conversation. “I know I’ve dated before, but never like this, never with you, never with feelings. I didn’t know what to do.”
“That’s ok.” Peter responds, reaching his own hands up to cup Evans face, bringing them both closer together, holding each other’s faces, as Peter brushes away tears Evan didn’t know were falling. “We’ll figure it out.”
“Together?” Evan asks, because he can’t help the doubt.
Peter hesitates and Evan adds, “Please?”
“Anything with you.” Peter responds, seemingly relaxed again, as they fall forward, foreheads together, just breathing for a minute, finding their seclusion in this reckless room.
Regulus’ Pov-.
It was nearing the end of the party, and everyone had slowly been filtering off and back to their own rooms.
Well, everyone except him, James and his brother.
Sirius had passed out on the couch, and this being his room, and it well into the night, everyone retreated to their own rooms, some bringing the remaining liquor with them, others looking like they were about to crash any second.
Well, except him and James.
They had been staring at each other all night, and minus the first shot that Lily insisted on everyone taking, neither of them had been drinking.
Regulus tried to convince himself that it was to keep his head clear for tomorrow, the gig, he wanted to go about the day completely fine and relaxed.
But, he knew that wasn’t the truth, he wanted to keep his inhibitions about him, because he knew without them, he would be falling into bed with James sooner or later, and with the looks James had been giving him all night, he thinks that may have been the right decision.
He also thought, that if he stayed sober whilst everyone around him got wasted, he could also avoid the inevitable fuck, because if James was drunk, no matter the lust he has been feeling for years, the insatiable feeling that has only grown stronger in the months since they fell apart, he wouldn’t have sex with him.
Staying sober was his plan to stay out of the other boys bed, because he knew if his inhibitions were cleared out, he would have no reason to hold back, he knew if the other boy was drunk when he was sober- he would back off.
However, that plan seems to have fallen to shit. Because he is stood in this room completely sober, and James is across from him sober too.
Because he has his inhibitions, but they are not removing the overwhelming lust, they are not blocking out James’ gaze and how dark it is on him.
They are not removing the memory of yesterday morning, when Lily had announced the tour, when they had been the closest they had been in months, when he had had a similar gaze etched upon his features.
Really, it was inevitable, at least that’s what he tells himself as he and James brisk walk across the room, clashing in the middle.
And everything is immediately hot.
Their slips smashed together with such force that if the biting doesn’t bruise them the collide will.
He feels as James' tongue, almost immediately upon connection, darts out of his mouth pressing against Regulus’ lips, not asking for entry, but rather expecting it.
Because he knows Regulus, and oh, oh he knows Regulus. And his mouth is immediately splitting open like his lips are the lock and James’ tongue is the key, and it’s all such a cliche, but he just can’t bring himself to care, because James James James.
And James is on him, and it has been so long, and he can feel himself falling apart from just a kiss, and soon his sigh is turning into a moan, loud and desperate, and he would be embarrassed if he didn’t hear the moan slip out of James’ mouth in an immediate response, as if hearing Regulus fall apart, is enough to take James apart in tow.
Their tongues twist and turn, licking into each other’s mouths, no reservations, as if no time has passed, and it is so good, but James’ hands are on his face and cupping his cheeks, gentlee yet firm, and it’s such a stark contrast to the heat in their mouths, the desperation, as if this means so much more to James than just two bodies coming together.
It's an admission, of loss, of want, of lust.
And Regulus falls prey to it easily. He slides his own hands up James back, feeling the planes of his muscles between his shoulders as they move underneath his grip, until his hands end up in his hair, twisting through his locks, eliciting moans and grunts from the other boy that only encourage him to pull harder, because yes, he wanted the softness of the hair, the reminder of this other boy as he cards his hands through his hair, but the heat, and the moans are like a song to Regulus’ and he will pull and pluck until he hears all the right notes.
It's James who breaks for air first, and as soon as Regulus is reaching forward with his mouth again to re join their lips, uncaring about either of their needs of oxygen, they could pass out together, entwined in each other, and when the wake up they can do it all again.
But James has other ideas, as if the release of Regulus’ mouth pains him as much as it pains Regulus, he takes no time before he is sucking down Regulus’ neck, leaving open mouth kisses instead of bites as if it’s the only way he can keep his lips on Regulus’ body whilst keeping in the air.
And its this that causes Regulus’ eyes to flutter open, and see his brother lay on the couch.
Shit.
“Shit.” And just like that, James immediately lets go, and Regulus immediately mourns the loss of the mouth, of the heat, of the stolen control which he had only ever given to one person. So he immediately dives back in, reattaching his lips to James' body, mouthing down and along his jaw, the smell of him incredibly overpowering, but he twists James body until he is facing where Regulus was looking, keeping his mouth on him the whole time.
“Shit.” He hears come out of James’ mouth this time, and it’s choked and raspy and it’s driving Regulus mad.
“Mhmm.” Regulus murmurs back, letting the other boy know he knows the problem at hand, and he continues to work his mouth down James’ neck, waiting for him to figure it out, unwilling to let go in the meantime.
“We need to go.” James somehow manages to force out and Regulus takes that to mean he is not nearly unravelling this boy enough, and he takes to licking a long hot trail up the column of James’ throat, breathing out the whole time to let the heat of his breath ghost over the other boys skin, making his tongue seem hotter on James’ neck.
He reaches the top of his throat, and looks up through his lashes for a second, giving him that look, and James’ eyes darken before he is leaning down to grab under Regulus’ thighs halling him up in one go, and Regulus doesn’t break away from his jaw the entire time, well-practiced despite the time off and away from this boy.
“Knew you could be smart.” He whispers under his breath, smirking up at the other boy as he starts making his way to the door, carrying Regulus back to his room.
When they get to the door James groans, throwing Regulus against the wood, and dropping his head onto Regulus’ shoulder in annoyance, but Regulus simply whines in frustration at the sudden lack of access to the other boy, and James moves his head to the side, giving him access to his neck again.
“Key love.” James mutters out gasping, and oh, Regulus missed the sound of that.
Regulus immediately starts marking his way down James neck again, biting harsher this time, harsh enough to cause marks, before licking over them and kissing him softly.
When he is satisfied with all the shivers this elicits from James body, he pulls his own head back, James groaning at the loss this time, is immediately- pulled forward like a magnet, working to rectify this problem, attaching his own lips to Regulus’ neck, he shivers at the contact, trying to push down the involuntary movement and clear his brain of its fog for just a moment, to reach the key in his pocket.
When he finally find it, his fingers grazing the edge of the card, he whips it out and slams it against the card reader towards the side of his door, before finally letting out a sigh of relief.
“So good love.” James mutters, and Regulus finds himself shivering involuntarily yet again just from the way James is talking to him, referring to him, this man is driving him crazy.
“Door Jamie.” He gasps out, eager to take this inside, and Regulus’ hand holds down the handle as James pushes it open, and the second it slams closed behind them and they’re on the other side of the room, James pushes him straight back against the other side of the door.
“Mmm, like that, say it again, love?”
“Say what?” Regulus asks, trying his best to be teasing, just as James hits a sensitive spot on his neck, his whole body jolting forward as a shiver runs through him.
“Don’t.” James replies, voice low in response to his teasing game, but Regulus can see the slight smile on his lips, and he plays on it, still gasping breathlessly through his words.
“Don’t what?” he teases, and James palms him against the bulge in his trousers that Regulus had ignored growing.
And shit, that felt good so Regulus unconsciously finds himself pushing up and into it, seeking friction, as he sputters out, “Don’t know,” a heave of breathe, “what you’re on about.”
And just like that, James removes his hand and leans back to look at him, Regulus’ back only propped up by the door at this point, there is a glint in James’ eyes, as Regulus moans again at the loss of contact.
“Come on love.” He says smiling, a charming handsome smile that Regulus has watched him play on many people and it spurs him on.
“Don’t know Jam-“ he starts before pausing to think about it and finishing, “es. The loss of contact is messing with my head.” He whispers against his ear, making sure his breath lingers, hot over his neck, before biting down on the shell of his ear.
James palms the bulge in his trouser again, but when Regulus leans forward for friction, James pushes him further into the door, so that he can remove one hand and use it to hold Regulus’ hips back, stopping him from gaining the friction he so desperately seeks.
“Jamie.” Regulus whines, completely unintentionally as he curses himself at the slip up.
But his annoyance at the slip doesn’t last long as James starts stroking him through his trousers, and only moans fall from his mouth instead of scathing remarks, his own head falling onto James’ shoulder this time as he leans into and appreciates the start of pleasure.
But when he goes to raise his hips again, searching for extra friction, James bites then laps at his neck, “Not yet love.” And then he is gripping him with both hands again before turning them around abruptly and completely throwing Regulus onto the bed behind them.
James stands there for a second, a soft smile on his lips before he sees Regulus staring back at him and it quickly turns into a smirk.
He just stands there waiting, and Regulus knows what he is waiting for but he refuses to give it.
“You not going to do it love?” He asks, the smirk never leaving his face. He wants him to whine, to beg, he wants control. And Regulus is adamant he won't have it.
“Not this time.” He shoves out stubbornly, and James simply raises one eyebrow in response,
“That’s what you say everytime.” He whispers, as he leans down over Regulus, his hands either side of Regulus’ head so he can whisper in his ear, his weight making a dip in the bed that Regulus’ body moves with, but not a single part of James’ body touches Regulus’, except the ghost of a breath against his neck.
And then, when Regulus makes no move to respond, James starts to remove himself from the bed, careful to not touch even an inch of Regulus, and Regulus finds himself letting out, yet another whine.
And James practically lights up, having won yet again, Regulus likes to think it’s because it’s been so long that he broke so easily, but really it’s just James. And every time he gets like this, in a mood to just absorb Regulus, to watch him, until Regulus lets out the most mortifying noise of need, that being the only thing that allows James to spur himself back into action, well every time he gets like this, he wins.
And Regulus always hates if for about, 10 seconds, before James is back on him and he can’t bring any resentment back towards himself until after the fact, so distracted by the pleasure the other boy can give him.
And the time is no different.
James is back on him in a flash, his lips colliding with Regulus’, and this time when they attack each other, Regulus can feel the already bruised flesh, hot and pliant between his teeth, in his mouth, over his neck.
And then there are hands on his waist, moving up and down in time with his tongue, before slowly, slowly, excruciatingly slowly, dragging across him to palm him again through his trousers, and he rubs up and down as James’ tongue does against his neck.
And then they stop, and Regulus lets out another whine that James swallows into his mouth, followed by his own moan, which causes Regulus’ hips to buck up in response, just hearing the other boys satisfaction at hearing him- feeling him, nearly sends Regulus into orbit.
But there is a hand on his waist again, pushing it back down into the duvet and the mattress below, and Regulus squirms below him, his hips rocking back and forth, looking to deepen friction that is no longer even there.
And it’s a game again, Regulus knows how much James loves these, Regulus isn’t too free in his affection with words in general, so James seeks it in bed- the one time he knows Regulus will give it happily, the onetime Regulus willingly relinquishes control, and although he always used to try and makes James feel special, he feels more free with it when he is a shaking body driven by pleasure, all inhibitions stripped away by this other beautiful boy above him.
So when James continues to lick into his mouth, slower, sweeter, this time, all the while holding Regulus’ hips down as he wriggles, Regulus knows the only way to get what he wants, is to simply still his hips into compliance, compliance he only ever hands over to James, and he can’t help the part of him that is glad he is getting to do it again.
“Good love, so good, so so good for me, I lo-“ and he cuts himself off, Regulus knows what he was going to say, hates himself for wanting to hear it. But after a brief pause, and a sorry starting to fall off of James’ lips, Regulus reaches up, his hand cupping his face kissing him softly, before muttering,
“Don’t ruin it.”
And Regulus swears he sees the light stutter out of James’ eyes, and it doesn’t come back for the rest of the night, and it doesn’t come back as he pulls Regulus apart, and there is no more teasing, no more withholding of pleasure until Regulus lets a lovely sound fall of his lips, it is just sex.
Just sex, and falling asleep next to each other.
And just Regulus sneaking out at 3am the next morning, having not fallen asleep at all.
Just James lying there awake- unbeknownst to Regulus- watching the other boys retreating form, not an ounce of protest on his lips.
Just two boys ruining each other’s hearts,
And their own.