Show one Paris.
Sirius’ Pov.
It had finally come.
The first day of their tour.
Well, not really, according to Lily the first day was the day they all got on the flight to head to their first destination, Paris.
In Lily’s words, every day of this tour is important, every day is a chance to make a good impression, an opportunity to slip up and they must treat it as such.
As much as Sirius scoffed at such ideas, he couldn’t deny he knew just how true that was, the press was brutal, even in England where there were more restrictions than places such as L.A, restrictions could never stop even the least dedicated journalists from looking for a scoop to sell. From grappling onto the slightest story and spinning it into a flurry of lies and half-truths until a person’s life is wrecked.
Sirius should know, his band blew up because of a song he wrote about his childhood, about his brother, his abusive parents.
A song he spilt his soul into, and they ate it up.
It’s the reason the bands got the attention they did, because there was an immediate story behind them, an immediate thing for fans, newspapers, anything to grip onto.
It was human curiosity, human nosiness, that garnered them all the attraction they have.
And Sirius hates it.
But he is still buzzing.
Because it IS the first day of tour.
They are performing for the first time ever tonight.
On a stage, to thousands of people.
And he cannot wait.
It’s been his dream, to perform. He always gravitated towards creativity in school, not just in pranks, but the art subjects, the sports, music, drama.
He has always wanted to put on a show, has always wanted the world to be his stage.
And it finally is.
People are looking to him, listening to him, and he is revelling in it.
And not only are all is dreams coming true, but he is going on a joint tour with moony, his moony, and so he can start to work on getting him back.
Properly this time, truthfully, honestly, from the very beginning.
Because he handled that relationship wrong.
He knows that now, he was scared.
Sirius struggled, he always has, to talk, to show weakness, vulnerability.
He always had to be the strong one in his house, the protector, and it put him in a headspace where even the thought of opening up was like ice dripping down his spine.
So he did what he always did, he performed.
The world was his stage, and he acted on it in turn.
But his love was not a stage, not something to perform and flaunt for others, his love was his, it was meant to be quiet promises in the night.
But like everything, he turned it into a spectacle.
He got scared and turned everything into a show, with blaring music and flashing lights to distract from his hesitation, his flinching, his lack of commitment.
He allowed his life to be a show in all aspects of his life, until his entire life was an act.
And he couldn’t talk to anyone about it.
Well anyone except James.
“You ready?” comes a voice from over his shoulder- James.
“Yeah, I’m buzzing, this is going to be great.” He responds, a grin etched onto his face so wide he is sure it is going to start hurting, but he cant control it, he is here with his friends, and they are finally making their last big step- big break into this life of fame that they have been reaching for for so long.
How can he not smile at that?
“It’s gonna be great.” James responds, any hesitation leaving his face the second he senses Sirius’ enthusiasm, and that is so nice- that he can just do that for James, that he can do more than just break people.
He is lucky to have James and he hopes he knows it.
So, with the adrenaline pulsing through him, he grips James and yanks him into the strongest hug, whirling him around before dropping him down and planting a sloppy kiss on his lips.
“Let’s go fuck shit up.” Sirius responds, reaching his hand out to slap James on the shoulder quickly before James does the same in turn and they walk over to the stage manager who is waiting by Evan and Peter, waiting to count them on.
From where he is stood in the wings, he can see his brother scowling at him from over shoulder on the other side of the wings from across the stage, but before he can catch his eye, the expression quickly falls of his face, his eyes becoming a blank mask.
And as frustrating as it is, Sirius hardly has time to dwell on it, before his eyes are swiftly moving and locking onto Remus’ who appears to also be staring intently at him from the other side of the stage where he is stood next to his brother.
“Sirius?”
“Huh?” he responds, turning around to see Evan looking at him expectantly, as he feels James nudge him in the shoulder.
With that his head comes back to him, and he looks around and notices the previously dark stage has now turned into a flurry of blinding lights in a variety of colours, zooming around the stage, as if searching for something- searching for them, and the music that had since been booming had now lulled, fallen into the low part of a tune signalling their entry. Signalling the start of the show, of the lead up to the song.
The song.
Sirius’ song.
The one that had triggered everything, Lily had explained to them how the show would work. It would start with Sirius’ song- the trigger for the bands exposure- and the song that shows a type of one sided discussion between the brothers, making it a perfect opening act for the idea of the show- Communications.
Once that song was done, The Marauders would perform 9 of their other songs, then the Skittles would come on and do their set of 10. Then the Marauders come back on stage, allowing them to do their nightly debut song, tonight it will be courtesy of James, before the Skittles come back to the stage to do theirs- courtesy of Remus.
It’s uncomfortable having their shows orchestrated in such a way that their label is clearly trying to give their fans an unrestricted look into their psyche.
Writing a new song between each show means that the songs are very much fresh, and with all the relationships in the band, the brothers, the lovers, the friends, it is clear the label think the audience will eat it up.
And honestly Sirius understands.
He hates it, but he understands.
Before he can fully come back to himself, he is being pushed onto the stage, the roar of the crowd piercing his ears, until he realises his earplugs were placed in his hand by someone, and – grateful to the anonymous giver- he quickly shoves them into his ears before diving into his first song.
Growing up with you my palm is cut on a knife
Listening to you wail it adds to my strife
When I’m making a mistake I’ll apologise again
Just to save my brother, my life, my friend
He feels James behind him on guitar, matching him on the same strum of Fmaj7, C, Em, G6, G, D.
He lets the music flood into his ears, the melody of his own voice control all his sense, as he chooses to focus in on his brother in all but blood, using just the sound of his familiar presence on the guitar to ground him to the present as he attempts to stop his eyes from flitting off stage to find his other brother before the bridge comes in.
Cuz you were in my life, lesson learned
I was once your son, lesson learned
Cleaning blood off clothes, lesson learned
Brother screaming in the hall, lesson learned
As he starts on the bridge, he can feel the memories flooding back to him, his brother breaking down, shrieking in the halls, him pounding on his own bedroom door- trying to get to him. Despite the fact that his parents had quickly learned that he used himself as a divergence for Regulus and had therefore started locking him away whenever they wanted to punish Regulus, so they could do it more efficiently, he had never stopped screaming for his brother whenever the punishments were happening
They said it was a ‘lesson’ for both of them, and after only a few instances of it happening, he very much felt that he had his lesson learned.
He had become a shell of himself, so scared to hurt Regulus if he was to speak out, that the only thing left that could bring him out of his shell other than seeing Regulus safe in front of his own eyes, was James.
That ability used to lie with Moony too, used to make him want to stay out of his shell longer, but Sirius stopped being entitled to the privilege of Moony a few months ago.
Now just knowing he was in a world that housed his love had to be enough for him to come out of his shell, and funnily enough, he found it was.
Cux blood, cuts, screams, threats
This is how I was made, it’s just life my friend
And cuts, lies, fear, regret
Hold your head high, you’ll get out in the end
When the chorus came, it was a steady bass pattern from Evan and the smash of the drums from Barty that Sirius used to keep centring himself.
He tried to loose himself to the music, use the one part of the song that was so upbeat to let loose. Because yes the lyrics hurt, but the bass was strong, the msic was blaring, and he could jump around on the stage back to back with James, letting out his fears and problems for as long as he could until his eyes finally fell on Regulus from across the stage.
And he found is didn’t always have to hurt.
Seeing his brother, a smile hidden on his lips, it let him breathe, let him feel safe.
Even if his brother wasn’t talking to him, he was there, and he was safe, and that had to be enough- it was enough, it always had been.
Its grounding, and it will let him enjoy this moment, his made it moment as he finally takes in the lights of the crowd.
It’s not a solemn, iPhone flashlight song, and the lights from the stage are so bright anyway that they are blinding, but the audience are doing it anyway.
Because they know how much this song means to Sirius, they can feel the lyrics, hear them, Sirius’ soul laid on a musical platter, left for the audiences hearing pleasure, to decide if he is good enough.
If he went through enough.
If he deserves to be where he is now.
They seem to think he does, and it chokes him up, a tear running down his cheek that James quickly brushes away before going back to his guitar, barely missing a beat.
The stage is his home.
If this is my life take it from me now
I’m only living for my brother or I wouldn’t know how
Cux you broke me down again and again
I’m shattered on the carpet, I’m running to my friend
And the next verse takes him back again, he was genuinely only living for his brother in that house, until he couldn’t anymore. Until he was a shaking mess writhing on the carpet.
Until the moment he realised he had only ever lived for his brother, but in that one moment he had to decide whether he wanted to live for himself.
Because he could either leave that house, leave his brother and survive.
Or prove he could only ever live for his brother and die in that house, die in his brothers arms.
Cuz you were in my life, lesson learned
I was once your son, lesson learned
Cleaning blood off clothes, lesson learned
Brother screaming in the hall, lesson learned
Cux blood, cuts, screams, threats
This is how I was made, it’s just life my friend
And cuts, lies, fear, regret
Hold your head high, you’ll get out in the end
The repeat of the Bridge and the chorus, and he is finally out of his head. He can appreciate the audience of thousands, merely a blur to him at this point except for the people at the front.
These people, all here for him, he made it. He made it, he made it, he made it, just a mantra rushing over him, over and over again. This is it.
His life, and he couldn’t be more grateful.
Please forgive me, I’m holding on
For my brother, I’ll be strong
But I’m hurting, falling to my knees
Is this what a mother is, tell me please.
So I’m running, making my escape
Let me go, you know it’s better this way
He remembers the first time he met Effie, met Monty. James had invited him over, and he had lied to James’ parents saying his parents would be fine with it, he had only gotten to stay there for half an hour before his mother came tearing through the door, but he can still remember the feeling the first time he saw a proper family interact, a happy one.
It had crushed him, that’s the best way to explain it. Learning his family wasn’t normal, learning cuts and silence weren’t normal punishments.
Learning reprimands don’t include screaming matches until your voice catches on unshed emotions and you are called weak for not even being able to argue properly.
And embarrassment.
The moment he learned what a mother was, happened within minutes of meeting Effie, being wrapped in her warm embrace.
But even that couldn’t stop his mind spinning, he knew what a mother was, and Regulus still didn’t.
He thinks that may have been one of the main moments he started viewing Regulus as more of his child than a brother.
Cuz you were in my life, lesson learned
I was once your son, lesson learned
Cleaning blood off clothes, lesson learned
Brother screaming in the hall, lesson learned
Cux blood, cuts, screams, threats
This is how I was made, it’s just life my friend
And cuts, lies, fear, regret
Hold your head high, you’ll get out in the end
As the last line of the song comes through, all Sirius feels is grateful, for this moment, this opportunity.
That his life didn’t end at 16.
That his brother learnt what a mother was.
That he met Lily.
He met his moony.
He met his band, his wonderful group of friends- Barty and Pandora.
He lived for Regulus, he is now living for himself.
He lived for someone else, until he learnt to live for himself.
Until life gave him an ultimatum, and he grabbed it with both hands, making the best life for himself that he possibly could.
And he is so grateful.
And being on this stage, being teleported back to a time, a moment when life felt so futile, so pointless, when life’s only point seemed to be survival.
Sirius gets a new motivation to talk to Remus, and he uses that motivation- carries it through the next 9 songs of their set, before the other band comes on.
James’ Pov-
The majority of the show is done.
And it has all been an absolute rush of adrenaline and pure excitement.
Running and jumping around the stage with his best mates, screaming and singing into the mics in equal turn.
And people singing back? People knowing there songs, being there just for them, it’s all so much, so emotional, he almost can’t handle it.
He saw Sirius’ face during their set, read the pure elation, the feeling of ‘we made it’ as plain as day, and it’s not just James’ ability to read Sirius, it’s knowing that his face is just showing the exact same story.
It’s his muscles aching from how wide he has been grinning, how long he has been grinning, only managing to stop temporarily when he needed to actually get out lines of the song.
Luckily he and Sirius as the singer Songer writers of the band split their singing time, meaning James had plenty of time to grin endlessly, give his face a proper workout.
He cant help it, he loves being happy, loves the energy of the audience, the constant rush, the distraction, so focused on the people watching, cheering, his friends getting their dream, him getting his.
No thoughts get in. No chronic need to help and fix, because everyone is happy, everything is perfect.
He can just be.
And watching Skittles on stage, owning it, with the same raw energy the Marauders had, but instead of just the excitement and the rush being shared with the audience, the Skittles give off a sense of power instead.
Marauders share the stage with their audience, the Skittles command it.
They are running their show right now, and everyone here is just happy to watch.
Especially James. It is a time he can just shamelessly watch Regulus, enjoy the sight of the other boy in his element.
Regulus had never confessed or gushed over his dreams and wants, so it was the biggest shock when he turned up one day having been roped into a band with Barty and Pandora, dragging Remus along with him.
But James can see it now, clearly. It’s his element.
Regulus and Remus are masters of words, and Regulus just has this presence, not like Sirius, he is not here to entertain, he is here to teach. To show the world what he has to say.
Sirius wants his life, his stage to be a performance, to entertain to bring joy, to be this loud person of bubbling energy, almost a big fuck you to his parents, the knowledge that the true Sirius is to be seen and heard, never shunned.
Regulus got his freedom, and decided to make it a fuck you in a different way. To show the power, the influence. James can see it, the greed in his eyes, to prove he doesn’t care, that he never did. That he is here now, and he has complete control.
It comes though in his songs, even the one James knows are about him, it’s almost as if he is using his platform to send a message to those in his life as well, so he doesn’t have to actually speak to them.
Reflecting now, James isn’t sure why he never predicted such a path for Regulus.
He suits it in all aspects, the words, the presence, the looks, especially looks. His locks so perfectly falling across his face as he brushes them out of the way, he could easily be the heartthrob of the two bands.
In truth, all of their fans seem to be fawning over all of them. But Regulus, Regulus is the quiet type. The one where people who make edits to find drama between celebrities could never do so with clips of him. He only ever shows his emotions on stage, in the songs, because that is the only way to effectively tell a story apparently.
Otherwise he is shut off, closed away, automatically making him the most frustrating and desired member of the group to the press. He is never seen crying, laughing, or showing anything of substance unless it is being used to bring life to a song.
So, if you can get him to open up, you have won.
But no one has won.
Well, James has won many a time, but he lost that privilege months ago and is fighting to get it back.
This morning, the morning after, waiting by the pool, writing his new song for the night, for the first show, the lyrics had simply spilled out of him, like his feelings for Regulus always do the words where just there, waiting to be shared. He is James’ muse, his passion, his curiosity, his everything.
And after last night, he let it all out, let it fall loose onto the paper, all his feelings raw and unhidden, he could’ve written a whole new album, he nearly did, he would’ve, had he not been so quickly pulled away by Lily to get to rehearsal and sound check.
As it is, he has his song with him right now, and he cant wait to sing it, to dedicate it.
Not to Regulus per say, no one knows they were together so he cant so willingly give the press fresh flesh to destroy and feed into.
He cant announce it to Sirius this way.
But he can still make a gesture.
And after last night, he needs to.
Don’t ruin it.
It has been running through his head on a loop since it was first said.
Through his finish, the teasing, through him faking falling asleep, to him watching Regulus’ retreating form, he hasn’t forgotten it.
Don’t ruin it.
He ruined everything last time, was he doing it again?
Was he messing everything up? He was meant to be the fixer, the person people go to when they need help, not the screwup.
He was meant to hide his flaws, not shove them in someone’s face whilst pushing them away.
But he did, and he did it again. He was caught up in the moment and he misspoke.
It wasn’t a lie, it was a truth, a truth not meant to leave his lips.
But it did, and now he’s stuck.
He doesn’t know how to fix the mistakes he’s made, how to get Regulus to listen to him.
But that’s the advantage of being an artist, he has to listen, has to stand to the side of the stage and watch James sing his heart, his soul, his mind to him.
And James would feel guilty that Regulus has to listen, but he’s desperate.
So when he hears the voice on stage announcing him on, he finds himself pushing down all the nerves as he allows all the adrenaline, the excitement, the rush, to take over him again.
“Hello.” Comes a voice from the middle of the stage, to which a rush of cheers and applause follows immediately from the audience, the two bands have mostly been singing at this point, interacting and talking to the audience limited to a minimum, so at Regulus finally speaking up, the audience is apparently losing their minds.
“As you should have been able to tell by now,” he starts, acting as if he wasn’t being deafened by adoration mere moments ago, his voice completely composed as if he hasn’t been on and off singing for the last half an hour, he is impressively under control.
“This is a joint tour,” this gets a laugh from the audience that Regulus as no reaction to at all, seemingly completely unbothered by the lights blinding his face, people finding him funny, to Regulus the music, the lyrics, is simply a passion, James knows this, the whole entertaining people is a mere side effect.
“And as such, we split the stage, you have now heard both of our sets.”
“However,” at this, Remus takes over and James hears Sirius take a sharp intake of breath from next to him as the spotlight moves to sandy brown hair, the tall slender form, and the sharp eyes that they can’t quite see from how the body is angled, “we aren’t done just yet, we have two more songs, one song each.”
At the nearing announcement of James’ song coming, he can almost hear the nerves creeping up again, clambering their way up his spine to bury into his shoulders, but Remus continues, “ This is our Communication tour, a weird name I know.” he laughs, but then Pandora speaks up from where she is stood slightly off to his side, further from James than the other two, still clutching onto her guitar.
“But a fitting name nonetheless, this tour is about letting you into our minds, our souls, through our music. Due to this both band will be debuting one new song each every show that was written after the previous show and before the current.”
“Which is ridiculously difficult.” Comes the laughing voice of Barty, “but as I am not a songwriter, I don’t quite care.”
“Yes, quite.” Pandora cuts in, “we get to run off, exploring your lovely city of Paris,” she yells the city name eliciting another series of screams from the audience before they eventually cut out again after one last whoop, whiping through the crowd, “While the idiots,” she nods towards Remus and Regulus, “have to write.”
“However,” and here is Regulus cutting in again, making James’ heart immediately skip a beat from the mere sound of his voice filling James’ ears, you think he would be used to it by now, but no, every song, every note and lyric, will never be able to dull his reaction to the pure melody that is Regulus, “We are not going first, so lets introduce back to the stage, the Marauders.” He talks slightly louder on the last word, but with no extra energy filling his tone, no unnecessary personality, but the audience erupts yet again, and Pandora, Barty, Regulus and Remus swiftly move away from their instruments and spots on the stage until they are in the front corner- still in view of the audience, but out of the way enough that Marauders still gain most of the attention.
It's a good marketing move really, James has to give credit where it’s due, the tour is about communications- between the bands, it wouldn’t be half as interesting if the audience didn’t get a live viewing of the initial reaction to the other bands song.
“We’re backkkkk!” Sirius yells, sprinting onto stage again as the lights swiftly change from the multicolour beams that were covering the skittles, into four searching spotlights quickly flittering across the stage, chasing the boys around, waiting for them to slow down enough so that the lights can finally settle down on them.
James chases behind Sirius quickly, watching as Peter and Evan run on from the other side.
“Yes, Helllooooo!” Evan adds joining into the interaction as Peter jumps on Sirius and as a result gets quickly spun around until James is sure he is incredibly dizzy, and James finds himself rushing over to Evan quickly so he can bump their shoulders before Peters voice fills the stage.
“So as the others just beautifully explained,” he starts, sending an overdramatic wink towards the other group, resulting in an eyeroll from Regulus, and if James isn’t mistaken a blush from Barty, “we have a new song for you guys tonight.”
“Yes, yes,” Sirius yells again, before fully releasing Peter and slinging and arm around James’ shoulder, “and this one was written by our Jamsie here!” he announces, before pressing a sloppy kiss to the side of James’ face, eliciting even more screams from the audience, “although I am clearly the superior, hotter, awesomer-“
“Awesomer isn’t a word.” Evan interrupts with a laugh that James returns full heartedly, the audience joining in, as if collectively they are simply the 5th member of the group, rather than merely being along for the ride, and it just feels right.
“It is if I say it is, anyway” Sirius drags out the last word, swinging himself off of James until he does a 180, landing beside Evan and nudging him in the arm, “Despite me clearly being the best, I have given our Jamsie here, the honour of writing our first new song for the tour!”
A series of cheers elicit yet again here, and James cant help but think that everyone in the audience will simply cheer at anything they say or do at this point, and he is tempted to test that point out when Evan nudges his arm, clearly asking him to speak up and introduce the song.
“Ah ha, so todays song is going to be called….” He pauses, aiming to raise anticipation, before his own desperation to get this over with, just so he can gets his heart and words off his chest quickly takes over and he finishes his introduction, “Shooting star.”
Another load of cheers.
“And it is about my shooting star, I have always been fascinated by them, someone once told me when you see a shooting star it is in their last moments, before they burn out forever, well I don’t want my shooting star to disappear, I want to immortalise it, so I wrote a song, because when you love a star, you need to show them.,” He spares a darting glance towards Regulus, who at his attention, pointedly holds his gaze, unwilling to break away first, “Always.”
“So here it is,” Sirius’ voice cuts in again, loud, “Written this morning, SHOOTING STAR!!” the chorus of cheers at this is the loudest they have been, and James can see the lights in the audience from phones filming, eager to get footage of this brand new song, but he puts it all to the back of his mind and steps forward to start his song.
It’s been two months
Not that I’m counting
I’m barely something
Without you
He can hear the chords humming in his mind, thrumming through his fingers as he strums his guitar singing in a loop off C,Em,G6,G and Dm,Am,Em,G6.
He lets the notes wash over him, soothing his mind with the newly familiar repetitive motion, the tune he has been strumming and learning all day, and instead allows himself to focus on the lyrics, the audience, and attempting subtle glances towards Regulus, not too much that he is being revealing, but enough that he can garner the other boys reaction.
He tries to stare into the audience, perform for them- with them, but with merely the mention of the 2 months they’ve been apart, he can’t help but allow himself a glance over at the other boy, who is sat in the corner shamelessly staring at James, his eyes unmoving, but his face a careful blank mask, and the look just knots up all the swirling feelings in James’ chest, he wants a reaction, anything from the beautiful boy he used to be able to read so well.
Now it’s been a while
And I’m barely breathing
I’m barely sleeping
Without you
He manages to keep his eyes on the audience for this one, it feels less of a confession to Regulus, and more an admission of his loss, of his dependency, his need for this boy.
It isn’t begging for him back, it is simply a vulnerable fact, and James is scared to look at him.
You swept me off my feet like an astral plane
I know it wasn’t your intention that day
But you came back into my arms
Now honey, you’re about to be alarmed
James remembers the first time he saw the other boy, perfect in a way Sirius wasn’t.
Not that Sirius wasn’t perfect, but it was different, James felt glued to Sirius, a part of him, Regulus was an enigma, something he desperately needed to know, couldn’t live without, even if it took him years to figure this out.
Regulus really did captivate him from the first day, completely unintentionally, his mask made to scare people away acted as if it was a magnet to James, completely unintentional on Regulus’ part, but it happened anyway.
You will never be a regret
Loving you till the very end
I know I said I wouldn’t walk away
A mistake that haunts me still today
Cuz darling,
it’s been a while
Since you’ve been in my arms
Since I’ve seen you smile
Because he did walk away, and it eats at him daily, guilt and regret.
You swept me of my feet like an astral plane
I know it wasn’t your intention that day
But you came back into my arms
Now honey, you’re about to be alarmed
Because yes, I pushed you away
Biggest mistake right down to the day
But back in my arms last night
And finally everything is alright
Because it was perfect, last night was the first time in months he felt whole, even with the Don’t ruin it, running through his head on a loop, all he knows, all he can know, is that a part of Regulus is better than anyone, anything else.
He thinks he has always known this, subconsciously, deep down.
He thinks it’s why he didn’t even try move on these last few months, let alone heal, he would rather be broken, the pieces of Regulus lodged in his heart, splitting it open, stopping it from stitching itself back together, than have no Regulus at all and a heart that beats, keeps him alive, only for him to live in a world devoid of the most beautifully perfect man to exist. Because at least the pain is a sign it was real, a sign it was alive.
Cuz I love you so
I was a fool to let you go
But you came back to me
Humming a melody and it goes like
Hmmmmm hmmmmmm
Hmmmmm hmmmmmm
And it goes like
Hmmmmmm hmmmmm
Hmmmmm hmmmmmm
And you moan like
Hmmmmm hmmmmm
Hmmmm hmmmmmm
In my mind like
Hmmmmmm hmmmmm
Hmmmm hmmmmmm
You swept me off my feet like a shooting star
I know it wasn’t your intention today
But you came back into my arms
Now honey, you’re about to be alarmed
When last night’s homecoming didn’t feel like a homecoming at all, it felt like being with someone you love, in an arms reach of them, but something is holding you back.
Something so familiar it couldn’t feel like a homecoming, because coming home implies you left, when James knows his heart never left that boys hand, never strayed for a second.
Even when he did walk away, his heart didn’t, he left it behind when he ran.
So he couldn’t help but note how last night felt like first meeting Regulus.
Yet again he had a mask to push people, to push James away, and yet again it had the opposite effect.
Regulus has seemingly never had the intention of drawing James in, but he does it anyway, like a moth to a flame, like an instinct.
Regulus can’t keep James away, he is a light, a star in the sky, his shooting star, and a moth will always be drawn to a flame, and if the flame goes out the moth with leave, but it will never forget where it once found warmth.
Because no matter what, the moth will always find the flame again, it’s a honing signal.
The light has many purposes, the moths only purpose is to find its flame.
And James is fine with that, he has found his flame.
He doesn’t want another purpose.
When I’m humming like
Hmmmmmm hmmmmm
Hmmmmmmm hmmmmmm
When you moan like
Hmmmmmm hmmmmmmm
Hmmmmmmmm hmmmmmmmm
In my mind like
Hmmmmmm hmmmmm
Hmmmmmmm hmmmm
You’re humming like
Hmmmmmmm hmmmm
Hmmmmmmmmm hmmmmmm
Bartys Pov.
The show was essentially done, except for one song left.
Remus’ new one.
And it was certainly a statement.
Luckily the fans all already figured out the whole Sirius/Remus drama.
The drama being that they broke up.
Because no one knows why they did, at this point even Barty is doubting that they know why they broke up.
Regardless, if there was any doubt to their relationship before, this will most certainly remove it.
And Barty needs to get his head in the game for it, James’ song has come to its end and now the other band are focused are concluding their section of the show and introducing the Skittles.
But Barty hasn’t been able to get it out of his head, Sirius’ song.
Yes it was at the beginning of the show, but the entire length of the Marauders set, with no distractions, his mind has been running wild.
Of course he had already heard the song, he heard it when it was first published.
When both bands blew up because of the song in question, the Skittles couldn’t avoid listening to it, not when everything they heard about it suggested it was why their band had gained popularity as well as the Marauders.
Apparently Sirius had written it about his childhood, his brother.
About the abuse.
The only problem with that was, Barty didn’t know what abuse he was talking about.
When they were younger, when he first met the brothers and they were all becoming friends in school, across the year groups, through the brothers, he had known the Blacks weren’t a good family, that they didn’t have good parents.
And yet, although he was friends with all of them, friends with Sirius, most of the time the groups were split in two.
The lower year, Regulus’ group.
And the upper year, Sirius’.
And of course Barty was closer to Regulus, so he got most of his information from him. He was closer to the more private brother, and although Barty was always happy to needle and poke, although he knew he could simply ask Sirius, he never wanted to break the trust with something so important.
So when it came to Regulus’ parents, Barty never pushed, and Regulus never spoke.
And now, well, all that toeing the line, all the holding back, led to him, Regulus, Pandora and Remus sat around listening to the new song from the other band, and being completely caught off guard.
When the song blew up initially Remus hadn’t wanted to listen to it alone, Sirius’ new song, his ex-boyfriend, recent ex, so he avoided it.
But with the Marauders fame, came the skittles, and he soon knew, as they all did, that with their new found publicity, with the links between the bands, they couldn’t be caught off guard.
They had to know what Sirius was singing about.
And Pandora and Barty weren’t going to let him go through it alone.
So they made them all listen together, bought Regulus in to comfort Remus too.
Regulus was reluctant at first but once he couldn’t supply a sufficient reason to not listen to the song, he came along anyway.
It didn’t take long after that for them to find out why Regulus was reluctant.
And soon after, it turned into everyone trying to look out for Regulus instead of Remus.
“I don’t understand why we have to listen to it together.” Regulus grumbled, as Barty pulled on his arm, dragging him downstairs and to the living room where Pandora and Remus where waiting.
“Because Pandora thinks we should all be there for Remus, what with it being your brothers song, and him being a prick and-“
“Don’t.” Regulus said sharply, pulling his arm out of Bartys grasp.
“We don’t know what happened, don’t shit talk my brother.”
“But you have been?” Barty asks, genuinely confused. Ever since the breakup, Remus has been a withdrawn shell of himself, and that has left Regulus begrudging his brother at every turn.
“Yes, I have been. In front of Remus, who needs it. You however have no clue what happened and therefore I am not going to listen to you insult him, not about this at least.” Regulus drifts off at the end, his eyes going distant.
“Do you know what happened?” Barty asks quietly, he hasn’t heard anything from anyone about why the break up ever took place, it had seemed completely out of the ordinary, one day the two boys were being sickly sweet, the next neither were talking, nor acknowledging what had happened.
“No I don’t,” Regulus admits, before glaring at Barty, “But despite what everyone likes to suggest, I do know my brother, and I know he doesn’t deserve this” And with that he turns on his heel and stalks off down the stairs towards where Pandora and Remus are waiting with an open laptop.
“Ready?” Pandora asks with a soft smile as Regulus walks in the room, her eyes soft but firmly placed on Regulus, tracking his face as he settles in next to her and Remus, leaving Barty to sit on Pandoras other side away from him.
“Theres not much to be ready for.” He replies, a roll to his eyes that somehow manages to be more gentle compared to his normal eyerolls, probably due to the existence of Pandora. Nonetheless, he softens even more as Barty sees Remus visible tense next to the other boy, and he continues, “But lets get this over with anyway.”
At the approval Pandora flicks on the screen which had apparently turned off from all the waiting and clicks play.
As the screen zooms in on the band, Barty feels his eyes naturally draw to the Bassist and Drummer, bantering in a candid kind of way before Sirius strums his guitar bringing the song into play and the band into focus.
Barty tears his eyes away from the other two and focuses them instead so that they are bouncing between Sirius on the screen and Remus on the couch who has seemingly tensed even more after Sirius’ face had actually filled up the screen, his voice beginning to waft into all of their ears.
As the first verse goes on Barty breathes a slight sigh of relief.
The realisation that this is 100% about Sirius and Regulus’ childhood rather than Remus removes the possibility of extra damage control after the song is over, and he settles back slightly to listen and learn, find out where their fame truly came from.
That’s when things truly went bad.
The song switched from simple begrudging of his mother for the way the brothers were raised to essentially calling out on abuse.
He was talking about cleaning blood from clothes and Regulus screaming, and quicker than the peace had settled in his chest, bile was rising in his throat.
It wasn’t just the lyrics, Sirius could be a drama king, and although Barty would never accuse him of lying about such abuse, the idea that Sirius could be using metaphors and telling the story as a feeling rather than fact did cross his mind.
But the line ‘Brother screaming in the hall’ truly caused the feeling of sick to settle in his stomach.
Barty has never heard Regulus yell in his entire life, he has raised his voice, insulted, lost his temper.
But never screamed, never yelled.
Regulus isn’t the kind of person to fly of the handle and scream out of frustration, out of fear.
Regulus only ever screams if he trusts the person he is screaming at, and therefore it happens very rarely.
To Regulus, Barty knows screaming isn’t a matter of power or release, as Barty or Remus may view it, but rather a sign of vulnerability.
Screaming is a way to let someone know they have affected him, that they got him, it gives them access to his Achilles.
As a result, he only ever screams if he trusts the person he is yelling at.
And no matter the lack of information Barty apparently had about his best friends childhood, he knows for a fact he neither felt safe with, nor trusted his parents.
So why was he screaming.
How many ways can one scream.
How many things can cause it.
Pain? ‘Cleaning blood off clothes’ starts to play on a loop in his mind.
The sickness that had settled in his stomach turns into a sea, rocking about and shaking him from the insides, trying to turn him around as the song continues to play through the speakers.
Sirius not wanting to live.
Sirius running away to his friends.
Blood and threats.
Only surviving for his brother.
The song is a song about abuse, about being physically and emotionally scared to the point of not wanting to live
About Regulus screaming in the hall.
About Sirius running away and leaving Regulus behind.
Blind fury is suddenly joining the sickness in his gut, he doesn’t know when it showed up, but it’s making a deadly potion, and he no longer knows who it is aimed at.
But as the song draws to a close, he turns his head to finally look to Regulus and sees that he is gone, Remus too.
He leans forward to get up, to find them, confront, comfort, he doesn’t know, when a palm grabs his knees, keeping him rooted to the spot.
Pandora.
“Don’t, just give them a minute.” She supplies kindly, but her eyes are sad.
And for the first time ever, Barty pushes her away, watches as her hand falls from his leg, and makes his way up the stairs to find Regulus.
When Barty finally comes back to himself, it’s to find a hand on his arm as Regulus drags him onto the stage to perform their song.
He quickly takes his place behind the drums, shaking his head to try to get into focus as he watches Remus begin to speak.
He needs to stay in his head, needs to focus, to play as best as he can so Remus can finally give his big fuck you performance to the sitting and waiting Sirius Black.
Remus rarely sings, he prefers to leave that up to Pandora, Barty and Regulus, instead focusing on his guitar and songwriting with Regulus, but for this one song, he is taking over, and Barty wants to help him give it justice.
The song to Sirius.
The Sirius who Barty never knows how to feel about, purely out of loyalty to two of his friends.
Two friends who have never once asked for his hatred towards the other boy but he cant help but feel he needs to give it for them anyway.
The other boy who he sees so much of himself in.
But maybe that’s why he feels such a need to hate him in the first place.
It would allow him to hate himself without ever having to actually do it.
“So here is our new song ‘Fuck you.’”
And Barty having not played attention so far despite saying he would quickly drags his head back into the game to help start the beginning of the song.
They have worked hard with the set team all day to make it a big final perfromance, pulling out the works- all the tricks- all the fire in honour of Pandora and Barty.
So Barty clears his mind as the first line comes in.
Add fuel to the fire
And love to the flame
Add hate to the passion
Add you to the blame
As the song comes in, it immediately feels different to their other songs, whereas their usual songs tend to be collaborative, this one is guitar based, putting all the feeling into one singer, one feeling, one voice. Remus usually plays base, but he switched with Regulus for this one song, playing on his guitar instead, bringing it all together on the electric guitar, making it clear who wrote this, who is talking, as if Remus singing the song isn’t enough.
In the first verse, Barty allows himself a moment to watch in awe as bursts of fire erupt all over the stage on each emphasised word, pure bright white flaring on ‘fuel’, red on ‘love’, black on ‘hate’ and black and green on ‘you’.
Each blare of the heat ripples over Bartys body, warming him to an almost uncomfortable point, as he feels the strength of Remus words rock the stage, the anger in his voice, the fuck you in his message.
It’s power, he is owning the stage, and he doesn’t need any of them for it.
He never did.
Now I see you and what you are
All your venom, all my scars
As the bridge comes in, short and sweet unlike the message, Barty lets a shiver run over his body as the gravelly whisper of Remus’ voice takes over the stage, and the first time that night he hears the audience go quiet, as they strain to hear every note. He listens to his own voice along with Regulus and Pandoras come over the speakers, whispering the same lyrics into the stadium, a joint ominous disembodied voice as they move their mouths so small you can barely tell they are there supporting Remus.
The lights have gone dim, spare one spotlight that is slightly brighter than the rest of the stage to bring even more focus to Remus, further hiding where the whispering has spawned from. As the last word comes in, Barty listens as Remus full on drags it out, letting anticipation for the chorus filter into the room, to swirl around the audience, taking them into a chokehold.
So fuck you and the role you played
Fuck me and the memories we made
Fuck you and the lies on your tongue
Fuck me, I’ll finish what I’ve begun
At the chorus, instead of fire, this time sparklers and flashes of light are consuming the stage, pouring high into the air, at the end of each line, coming to life with every bang that shakes the stage.
It’s a war song, it’s Remus’ war song, he is controlling the fire and storming the stage. The whispers from before having faded out for the chorus and letting him take control of the stage again.
At the end of the chorus a blackout floods the stage, leaving only a few notes ringing out to signal that the song is far from done.
So come over
On the first line the Blackout remains.
I’ll set you right
On the second a spotlight begins to search the stage, lighting them all up sporadically, searching for its end target, it’s light so blinding Barty almost winces.
You can fuck me
As the third line ends it finds it’s target, latching onto Remus as the rest of them stay in the dark, so used to their instruments their fingers are flying across the strings, drums and symbols of their own accord, landing perfectly on every note.
All night
But be quiet
On the first line, Pandoras voice joins the storm, along with her spotlight.
Bite your tongue
Then Regulus joins the fray, a spotlight on him too.
You wont finish
And finally Barty, before Remus’ voice takes the last line, gaining control of the stage again, a sergeant controlling his officers in the way of a song.
What I’ve begun
The second bridge comes in, and this time instead of the whispering voices, it is simply Remus, and the instruments working their way up to a crescendo as he drags out the last word yet again.
Now I see you and what you are
all your venom, all my scars
They use their last chorus yet again to show a team. To show Remus’ side of the fight, as for the first time all song it is no longer guitar lead, but it is all instruments playing together, just as strong, just as loud in perfect synch and harmony, making it a band, not a backup, a team, not an individual, an army not a soldier.
So fuck you and the role that you played
Regulus comes in on the first line, Remus’ base that he has for this one song joining him in.
Fuck me and the memories we made
Pandora follows suit with her own guitar and voice on the next line joining the other two.
Fuck you and the lies on your tongue
Followed by Barty and his drums on the third, finally allowing the whole bands sound to come together.
Fuck me, I’ll finish what I’ve begun.
Remus lone sings the last two words,
and Blackout.