Plane rides.
Remus Pov
At 3am when they’re all boarding their private jet, Remus is nervous.
Usually he would be feel appreciative for a private jet, it has privacy, it’s literally in the name.
After all, privacy was always something he seeked, something he could appreciate, he always felt somewhat of a snob in that regard.
He never had much money, but he didn’t like people, avoided them at all costs.
He didn’t like them in his space, their incessant chatting when out in public, a stranger telling you all about their life, their kids, all things they should know no one but them cares about.
In retrospect, he probably chose the wrong career path.
After all, it’s only been three months, but his lack of privacy has severely increased since fame hit, even though he loves the music, the expression of it all, wouldn’t give it up for anything, the fame part is just… something else.
Before, when he wanted peace and quiet, he would go out for a walk, bring a book, find a tree and he was comfortable, free.
But then fame hit, and public space became…
Well a public space.
He was recognised, harassed, asked for pictures.
He is not looking forward to the day he is a big enough name to stalk- although he’s been told both bands already are.
He remembers the first time he came back after his first proper series of fan interactions.
He was all flushed and scowling after seeing fan after fan after fan, his face was beet red and he had stormed through the front door of his and Regulus’ place.
He wondered into the kitchen, and the second he made eye contact with the other boy, Regulus took in his state and laughed.
He just laughed!
He said if you could see your face you would understand.
Which was immediately proceeded by Barty, who was sat staring at his phone at the time, quickly holding it up on camera setting and shoving it in his face saying so pretty moons, as if that would help his mood, all he really did was just make Regulus laugh harder.
And Remus scowled, he scowled whilst Regulus bustled around the kitchen grabbing him some chocolate and a tea, and he scowled as he sat down to eat it, determined to keep his lack of amusement at the whole situation clear.
Well he tried to at least, but he couldn’t help thinking all his discomfort was worth it if it made Reg laugh.
His eyes lit up, and his smile was wide- a true smile.
He was exchanging glances with Barty, his laughter increasing every time until he was in full blown hysterics.
So in the end, Remus laughed a little at himself too.
If there was anything Sirius taught him it was that it is ok to laugh at yourself and-
No. He’s not going there.
Either way, he loved seeing his best friend laugh- smile, it was a rare sight.
Way too rare.
So, no matter how far into his slump he got, no matter how shit he felt after Sirius left, Regulus laughing still managed to make itself a priority in his life, anything for his friend to actually be happy.
When Remus was down and upset, and essentially just a wreck after Sirius left, Regulus was there for him, he comforted him, and he clung onto his dying heart before it could stop and made it beat again, he hasn’t let it go since.
It wasn’t the first time Regulus had saved him, and he doesn’t think it’ll be the last.
So, Regulus is the reason he got up again. Not for himself, not for anyone else, but for Regulus.
The person who had made his life a priority, who had got him through his lowest lows, he pulled himself out of the shitty state he was in, yet again, for Regulus.
After all, it wasn’t entirely about him.
He won’t admit it, and Regulus would deny it if he asked,
But Regulus wasn’t doing well when he was looking after Remus.
He knows something happened, around the time he and Sirius split, Regulus- shifted, for lack of a better word.
He folded in on himself more than usual, removed himself from spaces revolving around the other band, more specifically Sirius and James.
He never smiled much before, but the rare true smiles he gave became even rarer.
He hardly left the house, and the only reason he ever did was to go and comfort Remus.
So Remus pulled himself together, he could see his friend deteriorating, pulling away from his brother, leaning into Remus more under the guise of holding him up.
And he decided to repay the favour, to bring his friend back from the brink he had been on and saved from so many times before.
So he sucked it up, he got over himself.
His problems were never his priority anyway, no matter how unhealthy all his friends tell him that is, so he got over it- got over himself.
Outwardly at least, he got over Sirius outwardly, he is fully aware he will never get over Sirius properly, but he doesn’t need to be pitied.
So he made a big show, got better, got up, out of bed and went back to life.
He fixed himself, and by extension, he fixed Regulus.
At least that’s what he hoped would happen.
When it didn’t, when Remus was well and truly stable and happy again (at least within the perspective of other people) and Regulus was still leaning on him, his concern rose.
Regulus was still cutting Sirius out, avoiding the other band like the plague, he stopped calling James.
He had thought it had all linked back to Sirius, to the break up.
That the distance growing between the brothers, between Regulus and James, between the bands, was because of the break up.
He thought that if he showed the world, if he showed Regulus, that he was ok, he could fix it.
If people saw the break up wasn’t hurting him nearly as much as it actually was, everything would be ok.
Regulus would be ok.
He thought he was the reason his friend was deteriorating.
But that if he acted, and if he lied, if he pulled a mask into place.
If he told the world he was fine, that he was over Sirius, Reg would be ok again.
But he did all that, and Regulus was still helping him.
At first he thought Regulus simply saw through his mask, after all he seemed to be the expert behind wearing them, so he thought maybe Regulus could see through him and he wasn’t letting him off the hook, they knew each other too well, and he was trying to take care of him.
But then he pulled his mask into place further, was even more careful with what he let slip.
And Regulus was still shutting down.
And he was still helping Remus, using him to hide, helping him as a guise to hide his own pain.
It was at this point that Remus learned he and his problems were merely a distraction for his friend, a way to cope with whatever it is he needed to cope with.
He doesn’t doubt that whether or not Regulus was in need of a distraction he would help Remus, but it was clear that in this case, a distraction was what was needed.
And so, he let himself become one- a distraction that is.
He didn’t want to be pitied by the world, but he could be pitied by Regulus.
He could be pitied by his best friend who was struggling, who needed a distraction from his own shitty life ( though he still didn’t know what happened) and he could use that time to cope himself.
They both needed a breather, a break, a distraction from themselves and a way to get out of their own heads.
And each of them focusing on the other could do that.
Regulus would be focused on helping Remus cope, and Remus could focus on letting Regulus help him.
And usually Remus wouldn’t condone this stuff, this distraction from their pains, their using of the other- but what are best friends for?
And in truth, in his own selfish way, he needed someone he could break in front of.
Someone who he could fall down and mope with, someone he could bare his soul to.
He was hurting and the one person he was willing to let see him break, was the one person who needed a distraction.
After all, he wasn’t conditioned to let the world watch him feel, to let the world in.
But he could let Regulus watch, a person he trusted, even more than himself, even when it came to his own life, Regulus was someone who would care enough to save him, when he was finally ready to give up.
So, letting Regulus watch, letting him help, it was a way to build himself back up.
He could break into a million tiny pieces and then Regulus would be a voice guiding him home, helping him build his walls again when he was ready.
And then, when he was back, truly back.
He would put an end to this bullshit, make Regulus face himself, face him, and help him get through whatever he was going through.
He usually wouldn’t condone avoidance, but in this situation, allowing someone else to avoid their problems, allowed him to fix himself.
And he couldn’t help Regulus when he wasn’t himself, and even if he never got himself fully back- he was missing his other half, the love of his life, one of the few reasons his heart beat.
He could still be Remus again, and then he could save Regulus.
So yeah, getting harassed by fans, losing his privacy, seeing Regulus laugh, even at his expense?
Worth it.
Even if it means dealing with people.
Everything for Regulus is worth it.
So, he can get on the plane- for Regiulus.
He is as back to himself as he can be without Sirius, and now there is a tour to perform and a best friend to be there for, so he will get on this bloody private Jet, that houses the one person who could tear him back down again with a smile.
He will do it all for his friend.
He will keep the peace.
And they don’t have to talk to the others, quiet can be good- it’s nearly 3am after all.
So he can sit with Regulus, be quiet with him, and focus on his friend now that his problems are back to the proper size he can bottle up and bury deep within his chest.
He says he is against avoidance. He also admits that he is an extreme hypocrite.
So, either way, private jet, should be good.
If he just ignores the severe problem of one dark haired, sharp jawed, piercing eyed Sirius black.
Looking at him is so much like looking at Regulus, yet so different.
For every brutal similarity they have a sharp difference.
For every similarly soft secret, they have a more pained difference.
And they look different, to Remus they look different.
It’s in the fall of their hair, the gait of their steps, the order the colour in their eye takes, the 1inch height between them, the style of their clothes.
But he is aware everyone else sees them one in the same.
So how did he see different.
How did he break the mold into such specific pieces they could never be put together with their partner piece again.
How is it one he loves like a best friend and one he loves like a boyfriend.
How was it such a stark difference in feelings for the two of them, even when he hardly knew them both.
Maybe it was because he met Sirius first, so that when he met Regulus only the best friend roles was left, the appreciation and lust for his features gone, immediately zoning in on all their similarities that could inspire friendship instead.
Whereas Sirius was left to fluster him, an immediate whirlwind, of desire and want.
And once he got to know him, the boyish grin and charming smile was nothing on the eager to please, yet fuck you attitude, chaotic and wild, yet elegant movements.
He was a poetry of contradictions, and Remus wanted to get lost in it.
But why did he have to get lost in it.
The comparisons between the two were wild, and he fell for the person he was less alike.
He wouldn’t say this out loud, Regulus hated being compared to his brother, probably due to usual younger sibling feelings that Remus doesn’t understand, or more likely due to Walburga and Orion, of which Remus completely understands the overwhelming hatred and utter disgust towards.
So yes, two sets of sharp cheekbones, two sets of raven black hair and yet one has the power to destroy him with a look, one has the power to make this journey- this tour, a shit show.
And he does not want to look at him.
But he can’t help it, so when he hears a laugh from behind him and turns around slowly to see Evan heading over to the jet, three people in tow, he can't look away, because he knows who one of them is.
So instead he takes in the sight before him.
And oh, do they look a mess.
Evan is walking forward seemingly laughing at, nothing?
None of the people he is with seem in a state to say anything, let alone anything funny.
He is probably laughing at the state they’re all in.
And it is a pretty amusing sight.
Peter is clinging to is boyfriends arm, essentially leaning off of him, as if to let go is to slip out of life.
And his face doesn’t look much better, he’s pale, and his eyes are squinting hard whilst he stares firmly at the ground, as if trying to remove any shred of moonlight from hitting his retinas without loosing the ability to walk and navigate.
Pandora is behind him, seemingly in a slightly better state- only slightly though, she has one boy hanging off each arm, apparently using her to hold themselves up.
Which says a lot about how bad they look, considering Pandora is also leaning slightly over as if she can’t stand up straight.
Although he can’t tell if she is squinting due to the massive sunglasses covering her eyes, sunglasses of which Barty and Sirius seem to have replicating ones, however, it is clear she is in a similar state to Peter even if she is holding herself slightly better.
His gaze then shifts to Barty who is shuffling his feet, tripping over himself every couple of steps. He has sunglasses on too, one hand clinging to them to keep them pressed against his face until they leave marks, as if terrified that when they enter the jet the bright light will destroy what’s left of his eyes ability to see.
And then, his gaze finally settles on Sirius, who is hunched over, a baseball cap pulled low over his eyes as well as the biggest pair of sunglasses he owns.
His shoulders are almost caving in on him, as if trying to make shield out of himself, and his jackets collar is lifted up to cover his neck. He isn’t tripping every few steps, but his gaze is firmly planted downwards, and based on the way he’s walking, Remus doesn’t think he is avoiding eye contact because of whatever hungover, drunken state the group seems to have gotten themselves into since this morning, but because he is hiding.
But hiding from what?
They walk over slowly, and the closer they get the funnier it is to watch their misplaced steps.
Once the misshapen, hilariously drunk group reach him and Regulus, both of whom are waiting around 20feet from the plane that is finishing being set up for them, Evan speaks up.
“Hi.”
All the new bodies now surrounding them visibly flinch at his words, and Evan laughs.
“Sorry,” though the laughter and amusement twinkling his eyes tells a different story to his words, “they are all slightly hungover.” he informs them, as if they couldn’t tell as much.
Peter lifts his head slightly as if to greet him and Regulus, when he sees Evans face and the big grin plastered across it.
“Oi, why are you smiling at my pain?”
“Our pain!” Barty interrupts glaring at the ground- or at least Remus assumes he’s glaring based on the lines crossing his forehead- he really did seem to put on the biggest pair of sunglasses he could find.
“He’s laughing because my brother, ever the act of innocence, is a bloody sadist.” Pandora interrupts, wincing at the words leaving her own mouth.
“I’m not a sadist, I just had to deal with you lot drunken off your asses for 4hours, so excuse me if I’m enjoying watching you suffering the consequences.”
“Like I said, bloody sadist.” Pandora mutters before disentangling herself from Barty and Sirius’ arms to head over and wrap Remus in a hug, “How are you love?” she asks, muttering softly so only he, and Regulus who is stood nearly attached to his side can hear.
“I’m fine thanks Panda, how’s your head?” he asks, smiling down as he wraps his arms back around her in a firm embrace.
“Better when your not yelling.” She scowls wincing away from him, before going to wrap herself around Regulus and settling herself into him, her head staying on his shoulder, “I’m going to stay with Regulus he can be quiet.”
In lieu of a response, Regulus mutters softly into her shoulder, so soft that Remus can only tell he’s talking by the way his mouth moves. It’s nice seeing the two of them together, Pandora is one of the only people he is ever soft with, the other person being Remus, and Barty when it gets really bad.
He used to have Sirius and James too…
But he is only ever publicly soft and affectionate when it comes to Pandora, and she seems to take full advantage of that.
Especially right now, when it is unclear whether she has fallen asleep onto his shoulder or is just amazingly content.
He smiles slightly before his gaze shifts back over to Sirius who is staring intently at the ground.
“Where’s James and Lily?” Evan asks, acknowledging the missing two people from their group.
Remus jerks his head over his shoulder, “Setting up the plane and talking to the pilot, Lily was getting a bit stressed so James offered to help.”
“Ah, alright then.” Evan replies, before slowly looking around.
An uncomfortable silence settles between the group, which says a lot since Remus usually finds silences quite comfortable, the ones battling a hangover don’t seem to notice it, but Remus, Evan and Regulus do.
Regulus keeps trying to catch his eye, but he is diverting his gaze all over the place, slowly, taking it in, as if deeply invested in the surroundings and how scenic they are- it’s just a stretch of tarmac.
But inevitably, accidentally, stupidly, his gaze falls onto Sirius.
Sirius who is still staring resolutely at the ground, and for some reason this pisses him off, he hasn’t properly looked at Remus since the break-up and now he can’t tear his eyes off of the ground.
“And you Sirius?” when he still doesn’t look up, only jerks his head slightly in recognition Remus continues, “Why are you here?”
“What?” Sirius continues staring resolutely at the ground, but his voice comes out all scratchy as if he had been crying, Remus can feel a slither of warmth, or sympathy, land heavy on his chest, but he quickly banishes it away when Sirius continues to refuse to look at him, “There’s a tour Remus what are you on about?”
“I mean,” Remus starts, bristling slightly as Regulus places a hand carefully on his arm, providing comfort without jostling Pandora, who at this point he is sure is asleep, “this is a joint tour, it’s going to be a bit hard if you intend to spend the whole tour not looking at us, at me.” He finishes slightly quieter but with no less strength in his tone.
He wont be pitied, he won’t, if people think he cares he can be pitied, if they think he doesn’t then he’s safe.
So he cant let his voice break- wont let his voice break. He is not going to show weakness.
“I’m not avoiding-“
“Yes you are!” he cuts him off quickly, anger rising before he schools it under control, but it’s still evident in the undertones of his voice, he’s never been good at reigning himself in- controlling his emotions, well, never as good as Regulus at least.
“No mate he’s not.” Evan cuts into the conversation quickly, shifting Peter to his other arm so he can look unobstructed at Remus, “He had a-“
“Don’t!” Sirius cuts him off, looking up slightly, before seeming to realise his gaze has left the floor and quickly staring down again like a knee jerk reaction.
“Fine.” Evan reaches out to touch on Sirius’ back, hand moving up and down in a soothing gesture, “We had an interesting night, that’s all, he’ll be himself again later tonight.”
The vagueness of it all pisses Remus off.
He should know, he should know what’s going on with Sirius, he should be in the loop.
He’s always been in the loop. He hates that he’s out of it now, but he refuses to beg to be let back in, into his life, into his mind, in anything.
He won’t beg anymore.
So instead, he rolls his eyes, turns his head, and walks up to the jet after he sees Lily poking her head out the window and beckoning them all over to board.
James pov.
Once they've all settled onto the plane James' anxiety peaks.
He's not usually an anxious person, or at least that's what he allows people to think.
It's a good thing really, his knee is bouncing like mad and no one is giving him a second glance because he's James.
James who's chaotic and full or energy, James who goes too far without realising like an excitable puppy, James who's excited for the tour.
So of course his knee is bouncing with adrenalin, of course everyone thinks he is stocked full with energy.
But no, he's nervous.
Bricking it really.
Sirius, Regulus, Remus and him all on the same plane.
Trapped in the air.
It’s a very anxiety inducing situation.
And he is glad no one can see through him to how bad he is really feeling towards it all.
He's sat in his seat next to Sirius facing the front of the plane, trying to temporarily zone out from the problems at hand, but he can’t- he cant because the problems are facing him.
Pandora and Lily are sat directly across from him, in direct eyeline of the back of the plane, able to see Peter and Evan perched on the couch with Barty across from them draped over the armchair.
And to their left are his problems, quite literally facing him- Regulus and Remus are sat huddled over the arms of their chairs separating them, seemingly in deep conversation.
He lets his eyes drift slowly drift across everyone in the plane once the pilot has spoken to them all and headed back to the cock pit.
And ( per usual) his eyes eventually (inevitably) land on Regulus.
Regulus who seems to clock the exact moment James starts looking at him as he slowly let's his eyes drift to the side to make eye contact all the while Remus continues to whisper in his ear, seemingly unaware of the staring contest currently at hand.
When their eyes lock, Regulus’ face immediately blanks, almost like a new found reflex.
When before he used to smile, find himself fighting an inescapable grin he couldn’t seem to avoid every time he saw James, now his face loosing emotion, dropping to a blank, seems to be his new knee jerk reaction.
Well that is at least until his gaze slowly drops to James' bouncing knee.
He watched intently for a second, his gaze so strong James' leg stills apparently out of nerves, before he raises his eyes back to James' face quirking one brow slightly his face still blank but having softened substantially since they initially caught eyes.
And James stills, his heart and body following lead from his leg, how did he know?
Does he know?
No, there's no way he knows, James is bubbly and fine, he doesn't have anxiety, someone once quite literally told him they thought he had never been anxious in his life before.
It was the dumbest thing he's ever heard-not that he'd say that-but how could anyone think a singular person could go throughout their entire lives without a sliver of anxiety.
But that's beside the point, Regulus can't know that James feels like his knees are about to buckle despite the fact he's sitting down, he can’t know that his heart has picked back up and is now racing a mile a minute.
Except when he locks eyes with Regulus again, the other boy is now frowning, his eyes steadily locked on his for a second before flitting across his face as if searching for an answer.
They keep staring at each other for another second before Remus turns his head up next to Regulus and the other boy immediately tears his eyes away from James to reengage with conversation before Remus can realise who he was staring it.
For some reason James feels disappointed, well not for some reason he knows why.
He misses those eyes staring at him.
So like his best friends but so different, the grey so overwhelming it loses any traces of the blue Sirius has.
Regulus’ eyes are storms you can get lost it, they pick you up and throw you about, except when you come out the other side, looking down at your body all battered and beaten, bloodied and blue, you don’t curse out the storm.
No.
You thank it for ever having looked at you in the first place. For giving you a second glance, for allowing you to be the one to get swept up in its destruction.
You thank the storm for dancing through the skies with you, for wrapping you up in its tunnels of air- a warm embrace, giving you whiplash you’re too enamoured to notice until you are safe on the ground again.
Neglected once more by the storm, the storm that had taught you to dance.
So no matter what happens, no matter what will happen, James will thank Regulus for the destruction granted every time, as long as he's looking at him, and now that he's looked away, it feels so irrational, but it's almost as if his entire world is crumbling down.
The eyes leave his face, the rest of the world floods back into focus and reality is punching him in the face repeatedly: Reg hasn't talked to him in months, Remus and Sirius haven’t talked in months, Reg and Sirius haven’t talked in months.
Two of the most important people in his life aren't talking, and he would feel like a middle man except he knows he is involved in this mess.
Regulus wouldn't ignore him just because Remus and Sirius broke up, they were close, as close as him and Remus-almost, he wouldn't jeopardise that.
He's ignoring him because of this, fling-hookup- relationship-unknown dynamic.
And James regrets every second, because every second they spent together in a way more than friends led to their downfall and them being separated now.
But every second he regrets, he is simultaneously filled with appreciation for having had that time together, having had even a second with this other man.
So now, in this moment he makes a wonderfully stupid decision.
And decides to talk to him.
Or more accurately, to him and Remus, seeing as they seem to be clinging off of each other for the past few months.
He'd say it's petti, but he knows them both, and it's most likely self-preservation methods. Hiding out with the other, using the others presence as a shield, and offering themselves up as a form of protection to the other in return.
He quickly gets to his feet, as soon as the seatbelts off sign has disappeared, and walks the gruelling 6 steps over towards Remus and Reg.
His Reg, he just wants him to be his Reg again- if he ever even was.
So yes, 6 gruelling steps- 6 gruelling steps away from Regulus, a distance that never should have been created but was all the same.
“Hey” he starts when he reaches them, sitting down and crossing his legs, leaning back against the back of his chair so that he can look up at them.
“Hey James.” Remus starts- because there is no real animosity between them, Sirius doesn’t want anyone turning against Remus for him- not that James would, and Remus wouldn’t hate someone for what Sirius did or didn’t do ( he still doesn’t know what happened with the break up), which makes it all the more clear- for no one except James- that this divide between Reg and Sirius and James, is because of the ‘split’ he had with Regulus unbeknownst to the group- none of which knew they were together to begin with.
“James,” Regulus starts, his face a careful blank mask again that is paining James to look at despite the beauty of the man before him, “what do you want?”
James looks towards Regulus- as if his eyes had ever properly strayed from his face, and sees Remus elbowing the other boy out of his periphery.
“I wanted to talk?” James asks, a bubbly tone to his voice, but his eyebrows furrow slightly in question- he doesn’t know how this will go, there is nowhere for any of them to escape to, but that is both reassuring and exceedingly worrying.
He’s sure, if given the chance, Regulus would jump off of this Plane to avoid a conversation he doesn’t want.
“Well maybe I don’t want to talk to you.” Regulus bites out, his face betraying nothing unlike his tone.
But his sentence still fills James with a little hope, he said “maybe” maybe maybe maybe, if Reg doesn’t want to talk he makes it explicitly clear, no holding back- unless it’s towards someone he cares about.
Which either means he wants to talk, or he doesn’t and he still care about James.
Maybe maybe maybe.
“Well maybe I do.” Remus interrupts before James can get another sentence out, and both boys dart their gazes to look at him, Regulus looking affronted and James sure he is looking confused yet delighted.
“Well then I’ll just-“ Regulus starts.
“Where?” Remus cuts the other boy off again, seemingly knowing how that sentence ended without needing to hear it. “We’re on a plane in the middle of the sky, where will you go?”
“Maybe they have-“
“I checked,” he cuts the other boy off again as James proceeds to watch their conversation, his eyes following the two like he’s at a tennis match and Remus seems to be two steps ahead of everything Regulus is about to say, “ they don’t have any parachutes on the plane.”
Called it, James thinks.
“Well that’s stupid what if we crash.”
“Then it’ll be too late for a parachute.”
“What if there’s a murder.”
“Won’t be.”
“Might be.” Regulus counters, glaring at Remus, seemingly ignoring James sat watching them bewildered at the two friends quick sparring match.
“I could sit with Peter and Evan.”
“They’re being disgustingly romantic.”
“Barty.”
“Is being disgustingly enraptured in the disgusting display of romance.”
“You sound like you hate love moony?” James interjects, a frown on his face before the other two boys whips their heads around glaring at him, he quickly zips his mouth shut, as they go back to their sparing match, acting as if they forgot James exists.
He acts like it doesn’t hurt.
“Pandora and Lily?” Regulus counters yet again, seemingly adamant in refusing his loss in attractive alternatives for conversations and seating arrangement.
“Frustrating oblivious about their disgustingly romantic feelings. “ James helpfully supplies, as Remus cuts him a grin.
Regulus glares at him, but he is looking at James, and there is an emotion on his face that isn’t bored indifference, James counts it as a win.
“And Sirius isn’t an option.” Remus continues, a satisfactory winning grin on his face, despite the hurt lingering behind his eyes.
“He’s as bad as James.” Regulus counters quickly.
Ouch.
“But with James you have me.” Remus adds with a grin, as if he knows he’s winning.
“Not sure that’s the win you think it is Remus.” Regulus replies, his scowl never faltering.
“Oh sure, by all means.” Remus gestures around at the plane, clearly signalling that Regulus can wander off and find somewhere else, and when Regulus stays put in his seat, although reluctantly, he whispers “Thought so.” under his breath- just loud enough so that only James can hear.
“What do you want James?” Regulus asks, shifting his gaze away from his friend in apparent betrayal and letting his eyes linger on James instead.
A win.
James smiles, “Well as much as I would love to talk to you,” Regulus rolls his eyes, and James’ smile falls slightly, only for a second before he lifts it back up again, but Regulus seems to notice and immediately pins him with a stare- not happy, not mad, but full undivided attention, it’s an olive branch, “ I really would love to talk to you Reg, I really think we should, but it’s not a conversation for a plane, I don’t want you to feel trapped when we’re talking, ” he finishes quickly before he makes Regulus shift away again. “but I was rather hoping- I could talk with Remus, if that’s ok with you?”
He narrows his eyes, in a nervous gesture, a slight smile playing on his lips, trying to show friendship, comfort, as he waits for a response.
“What do you want to talk about Prongs?” Remus asks, his voice wary, his eyes darting away for a second towards where James assumes he can see the back of Sirius’ head.
“Sirius.”
“No.”
“Rem-“
“No.”
“Please?” James asks, his smile completely fallen, his face morphing into some display of unfamiliar sadness that doesn’t quite match his features, as he begs his friend to listen.
But that shift, in his face, his voice, whatever, that vulnerability, seems to spur Regulus on.
“Rem-“
“No Reg.”
“Remus.” James looks to see Regulus staring intently at his best friend as Remus, seemingly uncomfortable under the pressure, shifts in his seat.
“Fine.”
James’ smile falls back onto his face, and coincidentally- he hopes not coincidentally, Regulus’ shoulders relax slightly in exact tandem with James relaxing.
Remus seems to clock it, an eyebrow quirking in curiosity, but he doesn’t comment.
“But I’m not going to just talk, you tell me what you want to know, you ask, and I’ll answer, I’m not just going to spew my guts to you.” Remus levels James with his own piercing gaze as James nods quickly in response.
“What happened?”
“Pretty broad question prongs.”
“Pretty relevant question moons, I have nothing to go off of, Sirius has-“ he cuts himself off, he cant betray Sirius’ confidence, even if he never asked for it, he still cant tell them Sirius has shut down, that he doesn’t really know how to fix it, that it’s killing him being out of the loop, unable to help, he needs to help, that’s what James does- he helps.
“We broke up- simple.” But Remus’ gaze shifts again, this time lingering on the back of Sirius’ seat for a much more noticeable period of time, until Regulus coughs slightly, jostling Remus’ shoulder and he jolts, seemingly coming back into himself.
“Sirius was distancing himself-“ Remus continues " eventually we weren’t talking, it felt like everyone knew him better than me, he shut down every time I bought it up, so I broke up with him.”
“Oh.” James responds, admittedly rather lamely, but he wasn’t expecting that, he really wasn’t lying when he says he knew nothing, and by the look on Regulus’ face he didn’t know much either.
“I wanted us to stay friends, figured we could sort ourselves out, and if we were ok again, and still wanted to, we could get together again, but we broke up, and Sirius just- stopped talking to me completely,” he says his voice low, clearly very conscious of the person in discussion sitting mere feet away from them, “I mean- it’s not like he was putting in effort beforehand, but after we split, he just, left. Ghosted me almost. I think he probably would’ve if it weren’t for all the people linking our lives together.”
“He wouldn’t have cut you out-“ James tries, because really, he wouldn’t have, he has been a mess since the breakup, James is sure he would break completely if Remus left, the fact that he sees Remus every few days at the studio being the only thing keeping him going, even if it is also the very thing tearing him apart.
“No, really James,” Remus continues, “you didn’t see what it was like, what we were like, it was all very ‘behind closed doors’” he says with a pained roll of his eyes, “I think he would have cut me out.”
He finishes with a shuddered exhale, his eyes having drifted back over James’ shoulder to Sirius’ seat whilst he was talking, his eyes pulled like magnets towards the other boy.
Unwillingly, unconsciously, inevitably, with no power to stop it.
James understands that.
Remus goes to get up, muttering under his breath, but Regulus reaches up and grabs his arm.
“James can you go back to your seat?” Reg asks.
“Uh-“ James starts, because it’s clear Remus needs a minute, a minute without James in his space, a minute with Reg.
But James still really needs to talk to Reg, this has been his first chance in months, it may be cornering, but at this point he’s desperate, he doesn’t want to lose his shot.
Screw what he said earlier, they need to talk.
There is only so much more time he can spend focusing on Sirius and Remus’ problems before he buckles under his own
Seemingly hearing his thoughts, Regulus softens his face slightly, pleading.
“Please James, we can talk later if you really need to, just give me the flight?”
And at that James nods and gets up.
He can give Reg the flight.
Give him a break.
Because he thinks he’s learning that Reg is hurting too.
That Reg needs this conversation with James as much as James does.
Because Reg might be missing him too.
He’s so used to missing people he didn’t realise he could be missed back.
Peter pov.
The plane is about to land, and it has been an- interesting flight to say the least.
He is still feeling severely hungover, and has spent the flight envying the others who were responsible enough not to drink themselves into oblivion before the flight.
His head is pounding, his mind is a mess, but he is curled up with Evan and that is probably as content as he is going to get.
He looks up slightly, from where he is perched under Evans arm to find Barty watching them both curiously, so he pokes his fingers into Evans side quickly to gain his attention before subtly looking to Barty with just his eyes so Evan can see the other boy watching them.
Evan looks directly at Barty- no subtilty, and winks.
Barty immediately flushes slightly before looking away and Peter regards him with a questioning glance.
Barty has been confusing him today, especially earlier, earlier was, interesting…
Barty seemed very intent with flirting with the two of them at any given opportunity.
Normally people flirting with Evan makes Peter… nervous.
It’s not that he doesn’t trust Evan, he does, but all these people seeing his boyfriend as this amazingly viable option, to date, to fuck, to whatever, it makes Peter feel shit.
He knows he probably isn’t a lot of peoples first option, but he was Evans, and he doesn’t think Evan would leave him, well- at least not cruelly, he wouldn’t cheat, that’s not who Evan is, he wouldn’t destroy Peter, he wouldn’t let it all fizzle out.
He would be a perfect gentleman, but Peter doesn’t want a gentlemanly break up at all, he doesn’t want a break-up.
And he can never seem to get over the fear that it will happen.
So yeah, people flirting with his boyfriend makes him nervous.
But for some reason, it isn’t right now, and he cant quite pinpoint exactly why.
Maybe its because its Barty, maybe its because he is being flirted with too.
He doesn’t know.
He trusts Barty, that’s the thing.
He grew up with Barty, he was in the year below him at school, with Panda, Evan and Reg, and he was an utter ball of chaos, in a different way to James and Sirius, he didn’t seem to do things just for the fun of it, just for the adrenaline, he seemed to like the destruction.
But that never applied to people, he liked watching things break, watching the world burn.
But he didn’t hurt people.
Well, not unless they hurt someone else first.
Someone had hurt Reg once, when they were nothing but first years, and Regulus was so freaked out, and embarrassed he forbade anyone from telling Sirius.
Barty and Pandora had teamed up, and the boy in question was beaten to a pulp and had laxatives added to his drinks every day for a week, until he would only ever eat food if he purchased it himself from the shops.
Sirius still doesn’t know this happened- no one does, Peter only knows because Evan told him, and he also knows that it wasn’t a fair fight, not at all.
The boy was a second year, and Barty was still a skinny little first year, but he made a fucking dent in the other boy.
Evan talks about watching the fight with such admiration, Peter can't help but love that the group has Barty, such a loyal friend. A fierce one too.
Everyone in their little group is so defensive of each other, it's safe- it feels safe.
Safe is nice.
So yeah, maybe he’s fine with the flirting because its Barty and Barty is safe.
Or maybe he’s fine with the flirting because he is being flirted with too.
Maybe he isn’t feeling left out, maybe it doesn’t feel like a threat because it isn’t just Evan being looked at.
All the power isn’t being given to one of the side of the relationship.
Its equal, and just now-
Just now, Barty was looking at them, not with lust- not with greed like earlier in the day when they were all drunk.
No he looked, like he was admiring a beautiful landscape, like he saw this picture perfect reality and was jealous, not the green envy type of Jealous.
Jealous, because their was a space between his and Evans legs, a free lap, a empty hand, a perfect space for him to slot into.
A jealousy that Peter and Evan could fill those gaps and he couldn’t.
Could he?
He pushes that thought out of his mind, he is hungover, maybe still drunk, not in the right headspace, not in a headspace Evan would feel welcome in- he wouldn’t agree with what Peter is thinking, would he?
He can’t lose Evan, he can’t, but still he cant help his gaze wandering back over to Barty, his hand feeling empty, like there’s another hand he could be holding, another link to their chain.
Maybe…
He lets his gaze wander over to Remus and Regulus, Remus is ranting rapidly, his hands moving in quick gestures as he talks, and Regulus is listening attentively, but If you look long enough, hard enough, careful enough, you can see the occasional flit of his eyes over towards where Sirius and James sit.
He follows Regulus’ gaze over to the two boys to find James staring unblinking back at Regulus, Sirius unaware and asleep next to him whilst Lily sleeps across from them her head rested on Pandoras shoulder who seems to be rifling through her tarot cards.
James’ expression is blank, pained almost, except for the occasional twitch of his lips upwards when Regulus accidentally allows himself to be caught looking back at him a second too long.
Idiots, Peter thinks.
He knows James has been pining after Regulus for years, it all came together in Peters mind back in school, James had gotten drunk and had climbed onto the table singing as loud and proud as he could with Sirius, until Remus wrangled the latter under control and Peter the former.
He had taken James off and down to the kitchen to try and help him to sober up slightly, to at least get him slightly more in control of his faculties as Remus had said- it seemed like a meaningless task considering serenading a room is something James and Sirius would do on a usual day, but whatever- he was still going to try to help.
“He’s so beautiful” James whined in a wistful voice, his eyes completely unfocused, but Peter was sure his mind was zoned in on something plain as day.
“Who is Prongs?”
“Reggg” James slurs, a smile growing steadily on his face.
Peter stills slightly.
“Regulus?” he asks, hoping on hope that he’s wrong.
“Mhmmmm” James sighs, his eyes fluttering closed, a smile still etched on his face.
“He’s pretty… sure.” Peter conceded, because you would have to be blind not to notice that, but still why is it on James’ mind?
“No!” James glares, eyes snapping open to stare right at Peter, “He is fucking Beautiful,” he emphasises, his words still coming out incredibly slurred, “don’t undersell it, he has been undersold by those bloody parents his whole life, he is fricken beautiful, I see that.”
“Uh huh.” Peter replies unsure what to say at this point.
James reaches over and grabs Peters hand, unsteady on his feet, he lifts Peters hand using his own and places it on his chest, right over his heart, “I see that,” he continues, his eyes crossing but he is clearly trying his hardest to maintain the conversation, “ I see that Peter, I do, me, why doesn’t he see that I see that?” he asks, his voice taking back on the previous whiny quality it had had.
“I don’t know.” Peter responds, still stumped with this whole conversation… but he is starting to understand.
“He is beautiful,” James replied wistfully, sinking into the chair Peter found him earlier, and he is definitely drunk, more gone than Peter has ever seen him, but this is also the most true Peter thinks he has ever seen him.
James doesn’t lie, he isn’t a liar, he is kind and honest and caring, always putting others first, but still right now- without a filter, he thinks this is the most honest he has ever seen James, so unsure what else to say so he just find himself agreeing over and over again.
“Yeah James,” he starts, “he is beautiful.”
And James fucking wilts, “He is isn’t he? Are you interested in him? Ooh I don’t stand a chance.”
And before Peter can say anything else tears start to fall rapidly over James’ cheeks, leaving tear stains behind before he promptly falls asleep on his chair.
It all forgotten the next morning.
So yeah, peter knows James is smitten, but Regulus- glancing back, that’s a whole new puzzle piece he needs to put together.
He should ask Barty- he might know what’s going on in Regs head.
Fuck….
Barty.
And his eyes immediately flit back over to the other boy before he can catch himself.
He looks up and over at Evan and finds him staring at the other boy too.
Hmm… interesting.