beginning
Flowers were always a big part of James' life. He loved gardening and taking care of flowers with his mom. But he never thought that he'd have them like this in his lungs.
It was normal at first—well, well as normal as having a crush on your best friend's brother can be, that is.
It started in my 6th year, that's when that tingly filling started in my heart while looking at Regulus. It reminded me of the one I felt when I saw Lily years ago, but a bit warmer with a different undertone.
First, I tried to ignore it. I thought that maybe it'd go away, but if I know anything about myself, it's that I fall in love fast and love unconditionally even when it hurts me.
I couldn't just confess my fillings, either. Because if I could deal with Sirius being mad at me for a bit, I just simply couldn't make the younger Black love me. I know that he doesn't. Regulus makes sure to tell me how he hates me all the time. It honestly breaks my heart every time he says it.
And with time, it started to get even worse. I loved the boy harder every day. After about 6 months, I woke up with a sharp pain in my chest. It was suffocating. I ran to the bathroom and started coughing. The sink I was leaning on was full of flowers mixed with blood now. They were beautiful, really.
They matched Regulus in that.
I couldn't really do anything about the illness. It comes from unrequired or one-sided love. Of course, I knew that. I heard this story about a million times, but it never occurred to me that it could happen to someone I knew.
Hell, I didn't even know it was real. But it happened not to someone I know but to me.
And that's how I got here. Today takes place in a quidditch mach.
A quidditch mach against Slytherin. Against Regulus. I don't know how I'll survive that, but there is no going back. I will do it for my team.
I'm a captain for a reason, after all.
☼☼☼
One of the players is falling off the broom, you can hear screams. Scarred screams from the crowd.
James Potter, the captain... the best player... is falling.
He's Unconscious.
He's getting close to the ground, oh so close. In the last minute, McGonagall casts a charm to stop him from falling. At that time, Madam Pomfrey gets on the pitch. She sets Potter on the ground. That's when everybody sees that in boy's mouth is bloody.
His body is very still.
Too still.
He is not breathing.
Some of the younger students start crying, the whispers are getting louder.
Madam Pomfrey rushes the boy to the hospital wing.
☼☼☼
3 days ago James Potter almost died.
Today, he woke up.
Today, Madam Pomfrey told him he only has a month to live.
Well, if he doesn't get rid of the flowers in his lungs and, in consequence, forgets the one he loves so much.
And he can't do that.
He won't do that.
It's also the first day his friends can see him
☼☼☼
"JAMES," I heard from a worried Sirius. "What happened? Pomfrey didn't want to tell us anything. Is everything alright?"
I hesitated if I should tell them, but I don't want to lie to my friends, especially since I only have a month left with them.
"I have hanahaki"
Remus lost his previous calmness, he looked as if he saw a ghost. "Are you serious?" He asked.
"No, I'm James; this is Sirius." I tried to make a joke, but nobody laughed—not even Sirius himself.
"Prongs, it's not a time for jokes; you can die from it I've read about it before."
"I know"
"Wait, but everything will be fine, right? You can get the surgery," said Pete, a little unsure, but who wouldn't be in that situation?
I gave them a small smile. I think it was the moment they understood I'm not getting the surgery. I still added, "I'm not going to do it, I don't want to go under the procedure"
"What do you mean? You're not going to do it. Why!?" Sirius said he looked very frustrated, almost helpless.
"You won't change my mind, I don't want to forget them, even if it means dying."
"Who even is that? Is it Lily? James, please tell me it's not her."
"It's not"
"Then who is it that you deem worthy dying for?" He said with desperation.
"Regulus"
"Regulus, as in Reggie my little brother?" Sirius said, not believing what I just said.
"I'm sorry"
"Prongs, you have nothing to be sorry about, we aren't mad at you for loving someone," said Remus calmly.
Sirius nodded his head, still a little conflicted but overall agreeing with Remus.
"You'll tell him, right?"
"No."
The moment I said those words, I started coughing. Really hard. Madam Pomfrey ran to me.
The last thing I heard was her telling the boys to get out before I fainted.
☼☼☼
My parents were devastated when they found out. They let me stay at Hogwarts, but only after I begged them to do so. It's Christmas in a week anyway, so I'll see them then.
Today, I am also coming back to lessons. It's not like I will have to do it for long anyway.
I'm planning on inviting marauders and the girls for Christmas. I want to spend my last holiday with my friends. The boys already agreed, so there is at least that. I still need to ask girls. They don't know that I'm dying yet.
I know I have to tell them very soon. I just want them to treat me normally during my last month.
☼☼☼
2 days later
I just finished potions. My classes haven't been going well. I'm more tired. I cough so much that I sometimes have to leave class. I left two times today.
I think the girls catched on that not everything is fine. They look progressively more worried every day. I will tell them this evening.
"HEY!" suddenly I hear a voice. It's not one I recognize immediately.
Heading towards me was Barty Crouch Jr.; He wasn't alone with him was Regulus and Evan Rosier. They didn't look like they had a nice talk in mind. "What do you want"
"Why so aggressive? You have no friends to protect you"
I just stared at him in response.
"The golden boy isn't looking too bright lately." I saw Regulus and the blonde boy look uneasy. They clearly weren't too proud of their friend right now.
"What is it to you"
"Stop being so dramatic, it's not like you will die from it" My face fell a bit when he said that.
That was the moment they knew that he hit a sore spot. Bartys expression changed, but not to a cruel one like I expected.
He was shocked, but most of all, he looked like he regretted everything he said.
I quickly looked at the other boys. Evan looked sad and shocked. But Regulus, My Regulus, looked horrified.
Before any of them had time to say anything, I ran.
☼☼☼
When I got to the common room, I couldn't breathe properly. The girls sitting by the fire place got startled when the portrait swung open to let me in.
Lily even stood up to ask me if everything was fine, but I quickly ran upstairs to the bathroom.
That's where my coughing fit really started. It wasn't long until I was standing bend over the toilet, flowers and blood.
I don't know when, but suddenly someone was holding my hair up for me. It was Sirius. Of course, it was.
☼☼☼
I woke up with a coughing fit. I don't even remember going to bed, and my lungs are burning.
It's 4 a.m., and I can't sleep. I am looking at my sleeping friends. I feel sad that I don't have more time with them.
I feel nostalgic. I get up to go for a walk. I want to look at the school at night. It always seems so much more peaceful.
I really need to tell girls after today, well, no, yesterday, they sure know something is going on. I'll worry about it in the morning
Before I really noticed where I was going, I was almost at the top of the stairs
I entered through the door, and I saw a familiar figure sitting near the railing. He looked so peaceful, so… beautiful.
Remembering him feels worth dying for