shattered

He opened his eyes in a haze and saw a dark figure at the end of his bed packing his trunk. It was Reggie.

He tried to sit up but felt a sharp pain in his chest. He looked down to see bandages wrapped round his torso and his wrists to his shoulders.

His mind was suddenly in a panic what if Reggie had saw them. Reggie obviously knew he had self harmed from when he was 9 but he had gotten much better after his 2nd year in hogwarts it was only occasional when he felt the need to cut usually after his parents had sent a letter or he had gotten in a fight with one of the marauders none of them knew of course they didn't even know what his parents were like he didn't want to burden them with his shitty life.

Regulus must of noticed he was awake and his mind was racing "Siri you do know I already knew you relapsed I know you but why didn't you come to me when it started to get bad again?" Regulus questioned concern tinting his speach.

"I just didn't want to bother you more than I needed to you already worry about me enough because of my problems" his voice sounded hoarse.

His brother walked over to him and wrapped in a tight hug and made sure not to press on any of his injuries "awww Siri you could never bother me you have taken hundreds of my punishments just so I wouldn't get hurt so the least I can do is help you with your problems" his brothers voice was sad it sounded as if he could start crying at any moment.

"Also I have something to tell you" he sounded scared Sirius nodded motioning for him to continue "umm...I'm gay and uhh... I'm kinda dating James"

Sirius just hugged his brother "it's okay i am too"

Regulus just looked at him startled "no I mean the gay part not dating James he was like my brother I couldn't" 

Regulus just hugged him Sirius was thankful that he didn't notice or say anything him saying was like instead of is like because he knew Jame could never trust him again.

"now come get up and in your robes mother will be pissed if we are not downstairs in the next 20 minutes" regulus said while pulling out of the hug and grabbing Sirius robes.

"thanks" he said while pulling on his shirt he tried to do the buttons but it was too difficult with only one hand Reggie stepped forward and helped him with the buttons and the rest of his robes.

When they arrived to King's Cross it was near empty they were always one of the first to arrive.

where am I going to sit I obviously can't sit with James and the others 

He was pulled out his thoughts by Regulus pulling him by his good arm onto the train and into a compartment.

A few minutes passed he didn't know how long time kinda blended together for Sirius now. Evan and Barty entered the compartment sitting across from them Evan's head leaning on Barty's shoulder then came Pandora, Dorcas and Marlene, Dorcas arm wrapped round Marlene's waist and kissing her on the cheek they sat on the same side as barty and Evan. Then who he had least expected to walk into a slytherin compartment James,Peter and Remus walked in James sat next to regulus giving him a kiss before saying "hello love" 

Sirius moved closer to the window trying to be as far away from his ex friends as he could.

regulus moved over a bit so that Remus and Peter and Peter could sit down. 

Regulus leaned over to whisper into Sirius ear "are you okay you seem a bit off" Sirius just whispered back "just trying to make room" trying to sound as confident as he could. 

About 10 minutes passed before the girls left to go find Lily and Mary.

Everyone was chatting while Sirius was sitting trying to remember how to breathe he breathed in out in out just how Reggie had taught him it wasn't working he needed to get out and cut. 

He leaned over to Reggie and said "I'll be back in a few" as he got out his seat and made his way to the door .

when he finally made it to the bathroom he made sure to lock the door then slid down it pulling up his sleeves pulling his knife from his pocket.

He made a few cuts he felt better now. He felt like he could actually breathe he grabbed the roll of bandages he always kept on him now and wrapped his arm he unlocked the door and went back to the compartment.

He took his seat next to the window and Reg. He fell asleep soon after.

He woke up to his brother shaking him "Hurry up don't want to get the train back" 

he opened his eyes to Reg leaning over him " you okay" he tried to say in a casual tone " come on" and regulus pulled him out of his seat he pulled down his trunk for him. He could feel James and Remus eyes on them as they walked up to the carriages Regulus carrying his trunk. 

They sat in the same carriage. As soon as they arrived at the castle Sirius said bye to Reggie and grabbed his trunk wincing as he picked it up and sprinted up the stairs to his dorm.