Chapter 1
Lily didn't know how things got to this point, but she had never been one to complain. She would certainly not start now. Not when the most coveted desire she harboured whitin the depths of her heart was coming true. Quite literally.
One moment she had stumbled upon Potter and his gang harassing Snape, and the next she was being hauled by Snape towards a random room within the castle, all the while she just followed her ex best friend in bewilderment.
"Why did you do that? Do you know how much trouble I'll be in once Potter tells the headmaster?" Severus yelled at her once the door to the room was locked and a silencing spell was in place. "You casted an unforgivable on them! Do you know how bad that is? I will be blamed for it!" and that seemed to snap Lily out of her stupor, indignation and anger replacing her bewilderment.
"Well, you're welcome." she replied sarcastically. "Need I remind you that they were holding you down and Black was literally stripping you naked?" she asked, sneering towards Severus, annoyed now that she started pacing. Suddenly she stopped.
"Well it's not like you've done something before!" She yelled. Severus took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of her nose in an attempt to calm herself, interrupting when Lily tried to speak. "Don't you think that I've wanted to Crucio them just as bad for all the things they've done to me? But even I know that is off limits! I could be expelled or even sent to Azkaban!! Do you honestly not realise how bad this is?"
Lily snapped her mouth shut at that last question, but mostly because Severus's voice broke. The short girl was really in distress, Lily had never seen her like that, not even the first time Black tried to strip her naked, or after, when she lashed out at Lily and called her a mudblood.
"I'm the pariah of this school… Do you honestly believe that Potter will not use this to get me in major trouble? Dumbledore will not care if they started it or what they tried to do to me, all he will see is that there are four Griffyndors, his favourite no less, with after effects of an unforgivable and he'll come after me!" Lily had never seen Severus so desperate before.
"It was me who casted it, they won't blame you." replied Lily, trying to calm Severus down, but her words only fuelled the other girl's anger.
"And do you think he'll believe that? Seven years of your boyfriend and his gang harassing me, of teachers looking the other way and you've learnt nothing? They are capable of twisting the truth to make me see like the culprit and they and you will walk off free while I rot in Azkaban!" Severus yelled. It broke Lily's heart seeing the tears roll down the other girl's cheeks. Severus never cried, not even when things were bad… Then all the alarms in Lily's brain went off.
"And why wouldn't he believe that I casted the curse?" asked Lily, curious this time. She knew that with a simple spell the headmaster could check her wand and know that Lily was the caster. Severus' words echoed in her mind: ' They are capable of twisting the truth to make me see like the culprit…' Had that already happen? Had Potter and his friends done something so terrible to Severus that the headmaster had chosen to put the blame on her? Was the headmaster really capable of revictimizing Severus that way?
"Oh for fuck's sake! Who would believe that perfect, morally correct Lily Evans would ever use an unforgivable?" Severus spat with all the vitriol she was capable of.
Severus was hiding something, Lily could tell by the way Severus reacted: she was coiling around herself, like a serpent ready to strike. She had always hated that Severus hid things from her. First, her home life, then the time some older guys at their elementary school chased after her and cornered her in an alley and threw stones at her, then some incidents with Potter's gang during the years… the ones she wasn't witness to but more often than not left Severus in the infirmary, like the one last year, where no one knew anything about but everybody knew that it was Sev's fault and Potter had saved her… Lily was fed up with not knowing. Yes, their friendship ended two years ago, but that didn't mean that everything Lily had wanted to get rid of was gone…
She had been always so desperate to fit in, always fooling herself into believing that she enjoyed when people called her pretty, when they told her how good she looked with her skirts and her makeup and her long red hair, how pretty her green eyes were. How intelligent and, as Severus just called her, how morally correct she was… She had even been scouted to become a model in her fifth year after she went home for the summer. She had almost accepted the offer just to spite whoever it was she was proving something to.
It turned out that the person she needed to prove something to was herself.
Not her mother that always found something to criticize, be it the way she walked, or how masculine she sometimes was, or how much time she used to spend with that Snape girl. Not Tuney with her neverending malicious coments. Not James Potter with his unrequited lust towards her… Not even Severus Snape, with her stupidly large, vulnerable, dark eyes looking at her with shame and pain from humiliation. Oh it had hurt when she called her that stupid word, but back then she had wanted an excuse, any excuse, to just get rid of her and everything she provoked in Lily.
It hadn't worked.
And now, Lily was here, in front of Severus, of a very distressed, very much slipping into a panick attack, Severus. Lily managed to raise her wand at her and before the other girl could defend herself, she casted a Legilimens.
She saw everything.
She saw how Tobias raped Eileen in front of a five year old Severus, and how after he came for the little girl and threw her out of the house into the dirty snow of Cokeworth. Saw how Tobias beat Eileen to a pulp and then, when he got tired of her, came and hit Severus the same… a Severus of six, seven, eight, nine, ten… and the memory repeated itself… Saw how those boys took the biggest stones they could find and cornered an eight year old Severus, throwing the stones at her and one of them hit so hard that it opened her right eyebrow… Then she saw how, when Severus came home, Tobias beat her for being so weak that she couldn't defend herself…
Lily saw how a man almost rapes her, saw how Eileen took her own life in front of a fourteen year old Severus… How Tobias blamed the girl for his wife's death… She witnessed a fifteen year old Severus living on the streets, finding refugee wherever she could… Lily had stopped talking to her by then. She saw Severus being chased from her dormitory by Narcissa Black after the dark haired girl found her with her… clit? fake penis? buried deep into Emily Greengrass' vagina.
She saw that day at the lake, how Severus was minding her business studying for her OWLs when Potter came and burned the book in her hands not caring that she'd get hurt, saw how he took her by surprise and suspended her in the air by the ankle, exposing her old knickers to the onlookers. Lily saw herself in the periphery of Severus' memory, looking hypnotized at those shapely legs and how she wetted her lips with want… Memory Lily was walking towards them in a trance, not really registering what was going on until Black cut to shreds the worn-thin robes Severus was trying to cover herself with, and then, when he was about to go for her knickers, something in memory Lily snapped and she made them lose their concentration, making Potter release Severus into the black lake and Black casting a washing spell against her almost making her drown.
Lily felt shame build in the pit of her stomach as she saw herself flirt back with Potter, forgetting that Severus needed her, only remembering the girl after Remus saw McGonagall come. When she went to help Severus, the other girl, in her humiliation, lashed out at her and called her a mudblood. Lily saw herself stand and throw Severus' things back into the lake and stomp away. She saw how McGonagall deducted points from Severus and sent her to detention for the use of the slur, but noticed that no punishment befell Potter or his friends…
There was a memory, hazy at best that was just out of her reach. Lily chased after it. It was what Severus was hiding from her, she was sure, and when she finally forced herself into it, her blood froze in her veins.
Lily saw Black and Pettigrew drop hints of a passage in the whomping willow, then it changed to Severus walking towards the tree and entering a dark tunnel, then it shifted again and there was Severus in front of a very frightened Remus who was contorting painfuly, then Severus looked at the window and froze… the next thing Lily saw was a pair of angry, golden eyes and teeth so big that they could tear her to shreds… then a deer fighting the wolf and gently pushing Severus out of the room… She saw Potter shift into his human form and cast spell after spell on the door, but Severus remained frozen in place, her large scared eyes glued to the door. She saw Potter carry Severus out of there and the next thing she saw was the headmaster making her take a vow that she would never disclose what had just happened… "If you do, I'll make sure you never step foot in this school again. Am I understood? You should have known better, Miss Snape. It's your fault for being out after curfew."
Lily lost the concentration of her spell and fell to the ground when Severus pushed her away.
'They are capable of twisting the truth to make me see like the culprit…' Lily focused her eyes on Severus. She was scared and was backing away from her.
'They are capable of twisting the truth to make me see like the culprit…' Severus turned around and was disposing of the locking charm and the wards around the room, her movements frantic and desperate.
'They are capable of twisting the truth to make me see like the culprit…' Lily felt her anger grow hot, but not at Severus, but at those people that made her become this mess of a person. Lily managed to stand and blocked the door before Severus could open it and leave.
She wrapped her arms around the thin waist of the girl and carried her to the desk without effort even though Severus struggled against her. She managed to take Severus' wand from her and muttered a sleeping charm on the girl, then put her on top of the desk and made sure to cast a warming charm on ler, placing her wand next to her head. Lily went out of the room and casted every locking spell and ward she knew, making sure that it couldn't be easily opened, then walked calmly towards the hall where Potter and his gang were still writhing with the aftershocks of the curse.
"Figures you'd still be here…" said Lily in a bored tone, circling around them. During her trek there, she almost managed to feel sorry for Remus. The Remus in Severus' memory clearly didn't know what was going on, didn't know that one of his best friends was going to set him loose on a student, to weaponize him. She almost managed to feel sorry for him, but he had stayed friends with people that didn't mind turning him into a murderer. "Look at what you made me do… It's your fault that I had to recur to such a curse to make you leave Severus alone." she casted some spells around the five of them. Pettigrew was trembling the most, and next to him was Black. She noticed that he was the one recovering faster, so she sent a stingin hex his way. It landed on his chest. "For years you've abused Severus one way or another, why? I don't really know. I used to tell her to be nicer, docile, that maybe if she kept out of your way you'd leave her alone… You," she went to stand directly in front of James, "promised that if I dated you, you'd all leave her alone… but I just found out the most interesting bit of information…" then she turned to look at Remus, "Last year you almost killed her." The four boys tensed and their trembling turned to heavy spasms. "And the worst of all is that the headmaster blamed her for it…"
"How… how do you know?" Black managed to ask, Remus looked as pale as a ghost.
"Oh, don't worry, Severus didn't say a word. That vow made it impossible for her to speak about it. I just looked into her memories. It was really difficult to reach that memory, but a bit of brute force allowed me to access it." Potter looked at her in bewilderment and pain. "Oh don't look at me like that. I'm not the white princess everyone paints me as… I never said I was one to begin with. I'll tell you what, we will all take a vow. Neither of you will say a peep about me casting the unforgivable on you or twist the situation to try to blame Severus, and I will keep dear Remus' werewolf status a secret…" she saw all of them look at each other with worried glances, but she could see hesitation on Pettigrew's eyes… what a coward. "Tell you what, I'll also keep the fact that three of you are unregistered animaguses a secret too… If word goes out, all of us could be landing in Azkaban, and we're too young and naive to spend the rest of our lives there, aren't we?" she said.
"Snivellus manipulated you into this, didn't she?" spoke Potter, a little bit composed, but his voice still retained that edge it always had when talking about Severus. Lily casted an expeliarmus just in case he tried something.
"Stop calling her that awful name, four eyes." she replied, kicking him in the shin for good measure. "I told you before. I'm not some naive little girl that people can manipulate at will. I'm tired of standing by and pretending I'm a good person when all I've done is allow scum like you to abuse the person I love." she loved Potter's shocked face. "I'm tired of pretending I don't love Severus like she's the air that I breathe, I'm tired of pretending that I don't want to pin her down and fuck her till she's screaming my name…" Lily stopped and took a deep breath. She didn't want any other person to even imagine what Severus would look like in the throes of passion… Severus was hers and hers alone.
"Now, take that vow or I swear the five of us will spend the rest of our lives in Azkaban, and not even the headmaster will be able to save your sorry behinds this time. I'm sure Malfoy would love to just have this knowledge in his hands…" The four of them looked at her in bewilderment. She was bluffing, of course, but they didn't need to know that. "What, you don't think that I'm capable of delivering this information to Malfoy? I may be just a mudblood to him, but at least he has proven that he cares for Severus and I'm sure that if I give him any information useful to his cause, he can keep her safe." When they just looked at her like she was mad, she raised an eyebrow in her best impersonation of Sirius's craziest cousin and started to walk away. "No? Well… Maybe Narcissa can help me deliver these news to her fiancé."
"NO! We will do it! We will take the vow." Yelled James, defeated. The four boys raised as best as they could, and Lily approached them, still with James' wand in her hand. She started chanting the binding spell that started enveloping all of them and a few moments later all of them felt something snap into place right into their magical cores. Sirius looked up in alarm to her.
"You said it was just a vow! You just bind our magic to kill us if someone lets something slip, even by accident!!" He was panting and there was a terrified look on his face.
"You wouldn't expect me to play with Severus' wellbeing after all you did to her, would you? It's either Azkaban or death for all of us, so mind your tongues." With that, she tossed Potter his wand and left towards the room she left Severus in.
Lily couldn't continue lying to herself. She remembers that, back when they were little, she had promised to Severus that she would always protect her. She made good on her promise until they started Hogwarts. Back then, everything was easier. She had always been taller than her, and stronger too. Genetics and different backgrounds always made sure that people sneered down on Severus while those same people praised Lily.
Severus tended to favor her mother: thin and rather on the short side; pale, almost transluscent skin; big, dark eyes framed by long eyelashes; thin pink lips and high cheekbones. Severus could very well be a carbon copy of her mother except for the Snape nose and eyebrows. That, paired with the poverty of her family always made the contrast with Lily more pronounced. She was the perfect little girl of the perfect little family of the perfect side of Cokeworth, while Severus was the unwanted, dirty child that Lily only hung around with out of pity and the goodness of her heart.
But that was just what people wanted to believe. Lily had always been intrigues by this feral child, and later as they grew and the pressures of society befell upon them, that intrigue became an obsession, and then her obsession became shame, and that shame became so unbearable that she ended up hurting the only person she ever wanted to protect.
It had been hard living without Severus for almost two years, but now she was determined to do things right by her. To hell with whatever expectations people had of her, all she wanted was Severus and that was all that mattered. If Lily's parents didn't support them, well, Lily didn't really need them anymore, she had secured a job in one of the most prestigious apothecaries of London, she would be working as a junior brewer under one of the best potions masters in Britain. They offered her good pay and she managed to rent a small flat near Diagon Alley. All that was left to do was bind Severus to her and they'll be set.
Lily knew that Severus didn't wun with her same luck. Despite being a genius, no one wanted Severus as an apprentice, and Lily knew because she had hearr her talk to Malfoy about it. Apparently, her disciplinary record was common knowledge and no one wanted to employ a problematic person. It was unfair, of course, since most of the times Severus had ended doing something bad was to defend herself. Lily didn't want Severine to en up in the Dark Lord's clutches, but it was either that, or en up in the streets in the Muggle world.
When she finally made it to the room she left Severus in, she carefully disarmed the wards around the door and slipped inside, blocking the door once again. Severus was still on the desk, sleeping fitfully if the tears rolling down her closed eyes were any indication.
She transfigured some broken chairs and cusions into a bed, and the torn courtains of the windows into bedsheets, then, carefully lifted Severus and carried her towards the bed, but the girl woke up with the movement. Disoriented, Severus tried to push away from Lily, but both ended up falling on the mattress, with Lily above her.
"I fixed it." she whispered near Severus' ear. "You don't have to worry about Potter and his gang, I fixed it." She felt Severus tense beneath her and it saddened her that she didn't believe her. "I promise I won't let anyone hurt you anymore." she said, looking straight at Severus' eyes.
"How can I trust you…" she whispered back, and Lily couldn't hold back anymore. She swept in and placed a kiss on Severu's lips. Those dark eyes that she loved opened like saucers in surprise and, when she gasped, Lily slipped her tongue in, relishing in the naivety of Severus and the soft moans she let out.
Lily kept the kiss going, allowing her hands to wander above Severus' clothes. Delicate hands pushed her softly away and Lily could see the tears renew in Severus' eyes.
"Stop playing with me…" the smaller girl said in a broken whisper. Lily's heart ached for her love, but she wasted no time in reassuring het that this was not a joke.
"You have no idea how log I've restrained myself… how stupid I've been trying to fool myself into believing this is wrong… that wanting you this way is wrong… but the truth is that I have always wanted you, Severus. I was just stupid enough to let others tell me I didn't and idiot enough to believe them." so Lily dived in once again to bask in the softness of Severus' mouth. Her knickers were damp with the arousal that Severus' little moans and gasps provoked in her and soon enough Lily's wandering hands were lifting her lover's skirt and pulling down the soft fabric of Severus' cotton knickers… were those new?
She managed to pull them down to her knees, and her mouth travelled to Severus' throat where she started to kiss and nip, tearing sighs and moans from the dark haired girl while her hand caressed soft skin and inched closer to that perfect mound that Lily so coveted. Her other hand undid the buttons on Severus' shirt and she buried her head in the other's chest at the same time that one of her fingers slipped into Severus' tight, wet heat.
As Lily's mouth nipped and kissed on Severus's breasts, her hand worked away between her thighs, rubbing agains the girl's pink clit and moving in and out of her. Soon enough, Severus was twitching beneath her and asking for more, and Lily was all too happy to comply, testing her and adjusting herself to introduce another finger. The pistoning motion soon wasn't enough, and Lily started scissoring her fingers and rubbing her palm against her lover while her mouth sucked the small mounds of Severus' chest. Severus lifted one leg and wrapped it around Lily's waist… it drove her mad and her hand started moving faster, harder… Severus came with Lily's name in her lips… her walls clenching around her fingers and Lily followed shortly after, clenching against nothing but wishing that she could use her juices to slick a cock and pump it within Severus… Oh how she wanted to have a cock right now and shove it in, riding Severus' orgasm until she came again and Lily came inside of her…
Lily kissed her again, noticing how Severus was falling asleep. She withdrew her fingers and charmed her hand and Severus' nether regions clean, then dressed her up again and cuddled behind her, spooning her against her chest. Lily always knew it, Severus was the perfect little spoon…
With one last lazy kiss to Severus' lips, both girls allowed sleep to claim them.