Life Behind

August 31st, 1995

The attitude of the house was suffering. Whenever Hermione, Sirius, or Remus entered a room that Molly was in, she left, even in the middle of a conversation. Hermione was tired of having to tiptoe around the Weasleys in what she now considered her home. Sirius wasn’t afraid to take up space and time with Harry, though it seemed the Molly was near boiling over. Soon the kids would leave, and Grimmauld would become solely Headquarters. There would be Order members in and out. They wouldn’t have to hide many of their conversations and meetings. And Remus would see Tonks consistently over the next several months. Hermione smiled at the thought and then chuckled.

“What’s funny?” Remus asked as he sat down in the kitchen next to her. The rest of the house had mostly gone to their beds. Tomorrow was the first of September and they would all be leaving.

“Mmm, nothing, just thinking,” Hermione smiled at him and sighed inwardly. She really needed to figure out how to make sure that he and Tonks got together and how to get the three of them through Harry leaving. She glanced swiftly at Arthur who had sat at the other side of the table.

“How’s Molly?” Remus asked politely, his hand on Hermione’s knee.

“She’s…” Arthur sighed, “She’s angry. I am sorry she is treating you all this way, especially you, Hestia. I think she feels a certain responsibility towards Harry-”

“We all do,” Hermione said cooly. Arthur nodded at her.

“You’re right, of course. I think she is frustrated that we don’t have… the means to look after him in the way she wants to. I know deep down she’s happy he has Sirius.”

Hermione softened. She knew money had always been an issue for the Weasleys, but she never imagined this could be behind the bitterness she felt for Sirius. Nevertheless, it wasn’t an excuse to treat Sirius the way she had.

Hermione sighed, “Maybe I should try and talk to her.” She stood, banishing the parchment she was writing on.

“She’s upstairs, last I saw she was dusting in the writing room.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” Remus asked. She shook her head and conjured a bottle of firewhisky.

“Molly?” Hemione called, once she was out of earshot of Mrs Black. In answer, there were several sobbing breaths. “Molly!” Hermione ran into the room. Molly was on the floor, Ron dead at her feet.

But it couldn’t be. She had just seen Ron in the library a few hours ago.

“Molly, what-”

The image shifted. Ginny dead. Her hair splayed just as Hermione remembered. Eyes wide and vacant. The bottle shattering on the floor snapped Hermione back to reality. Grimmauld Place. Writing room. The writing desk was open. Boggart.

“R-R-Riddikulus-” A crack, dead Percy.

“Molly!” Hermione gently grabbed her shoulders, pulling her toward the door.

“R-Riddikulus!”

Dead Harry.

Just as Hermione pulled Molly out of the door, Sirius rounded the corner.

“Harry!” He gasped.

“It’s a boggart! It’s a boggart!” Hermione cried, quickly. “Molly, go upstairs, go!” Molly backed away, nodding her head. The boggart started to shift again, its focus on Hermione. Another Hermione appeared, this one not disguised.

“Oh, fuck,” Sirius and Hermione swore together. He rushed into the room, slamming the door behind him and locking it with a flick of his wand. She looked back to herself.

“Oh, Hermione…” Sirius whispered.

This Hermione was standing in a pool of blood, the bodies of everyone she knew and loved dead around her feet. Remus, Sirius, Harry, Ginny, her parents, Tonks…

“You failed,” Boggart Hermione whispered. Hermione looked at her now, really looked. Her eyes were hollow, sunken. She looked emaciated, shattered. She expected to be scared, to feel fear. But there was nothing. The reality this boggart was showing her had already happened.

“I will not fail,” she growled, “Riddikulus!” She said clearly, confidently. The scene transformed into the group dancing silly dances. Sirius was doing the worm, Remus the “thriller” claws.

Beside her, Sirius barked out a laugh. Hermione couldn’t hold it in as boggart Harry tried to breakdance. Their laughs broke free, filling the small room. The boggart vanished suddenly with a small “ poof! ”.

“Poor Molly…” Hermione said softly when their laughter had died down.

“Is that really your worst fear? Failure?”

“Of course,” Hermione turned to stare at him, “Failure means you all die.”

“I don’t want to ever see you like that again.”

“Again?”

“That’s how you looked when you first came here…”

Hermione stared at him for a long time. Like that? But she’d been living in London, had a job, friends, a life. She shook her head.

“You were still beautiful,” Sirius whispered.

Tears sprang to Hermione’s eyes, “Sirius, don’t. You can’t just say that shit to be and expect everything to stay the same.”

“Hermione, I-”

“Either get over whatever is holding you back or stay away from me!” She pushed past him, smacking his hand away as he reached out to her. She found herself in Remus’ room, tears trickling down her face. She didn’t have to wait long before Remus joined her. He silently pulled her down onto the bed, wrapping his arms around her. She buried her face in his chest and let herself cry freely. It wasn’t the usual way she cried. It wasn’t filled with panic or fear. It was calm, cathartic, and she felt safer than she had in a long time.

“What happened?” Remus murmured once her tears had slowed.

“Sirius…”

“Well, I gathered,” Remus chuckled, his chest vibrating, “He didn’t look very happy when he came back downstairs.”

“Molly tried to handle the boggart in the writing desk… and I ended up getting rid of it, and it just led to Sirius saying things to me he shouldn’t be saying. Trying to touch me.”

“Well, would it be helpful if I…” He trailed his fingers down her hip, “Touched you?” His fingers made their way to her front and found their goal.

Hermione gasped, “Merlin, yes.” Even at his torturous place, she wasn’t prepared for his fingers to push harshly against her core through her trousers. Her head bowed against his shoulder as she panted while he rubbed her.

“Should I make you come like this?” Remus growled. Hermione nodded frantically and he laughed, removing his hand, “I don’t think so…” With a swipe of his hand, she was naked. Hermione groaned as Remus pulled himself down, his face finding her wet centre. “Always so wet and ready…”

“Remus,” Hermione moaned while Remus blew on her, chuckling. His mouth moved closer and he placed teasing kisses on her thighs. “Remus!”

“All in good time, love,” Remis kissed down her thigh, to her calf and back. Hermione fell back on the bed, her hands fisting in the duvet as he reached the place she wanted him most. His tongue lightly stroked her slit and he chuckled once more as she groaned loudly. He moved her thighs to his shoulders and dug his fingers in sharply. She writhed beneath him, pushing herself into his face. Before she could reach her finish, Remus pulled away, hands moving down her legs as she whimpered at the lack of contact.

Remus pulled his trousers down and ripped his shirt over his head, eyes hooded as he stared at her, spread out.

“Gods you’re perfect,” He growled before he grabbed her waist and flipped her over. Hermione pulled herself up, chest on the bed, bum in the air. Remus slid a finger inside her and moved it in a circle while she groaned and pushed back against him.

“Remus for fuck’s sake,” Hermione gasped, breathless. He laughed and she felt him line himself up behind her for a brief moment before he plunged into her, taking what little breath she had away. This time he was not gentle, he took her roughly, quickly, pumping in and out with a fervor she had never experienced. His unrelenting pace was too much for Hermione and her climax shattered around her. She yelled into the bed, gasping. Remus thrust three, four more times before he came, calling out her name. They collapsed together on the bed, Hermione murmuring a contraceptive charm before falling into sated silence.

“I’m going to get some of that leftover chocolate cake from the kitchen,” Remus murmured into the silence. Hermione giggled. “Thought I would check in on Sirius.”

“You go,” Hermione murmured, “I don’t want to talk to him right now. Or take another polyjuice.” Hermione stretched, moaning as her thoroughly used muscles ached in protest.

“You can’t stretch like that and expect me to leave,” Remus rolled on top of her, burning his face in the swell between her breasts, placing kisses there.

“Insatiable!” Hermione giggled again, “Go, he probably needs you.” She pushed him away and he climbed out of the bed reluctantly.

“I want to make sure you don’t need me,” Remus muttered as he shoved his head through his shirt.

Hermione sighed, “I’m not going to make you choose between Sirius and me. He’s your best friend. Go to him.” Remus smiled at her serenely, leaning in to kiss the top of her head.

Remus found Sirius prone on the sofa, a firewhisky bottle on his chest.

“Hi, Padfoot,” Remus lifted Sirius’ legs and sat next to him, putting his feet on his lap. They had been in this position many times. “You need to pull it together.”

“You sound like Hermione,” Sirius slurred.

“Yeah, well, she’s usually right.”

Sirius groaned, laying back down and covering his face.

“Speaking of Hermione, you have got to stop messing with her, Pads.”

“I know.”

“Well, if you know, then why do you keep pulling stupid shit?”

“Because I-” Sirius stopped.

“Love her?”

Sirius moved his hands away from his face and stared at Remus. “Fuck, Moony, yeah. How can I not?” Remus didn’t say anything. “I can’t be with her. I’m not ready. It’s all too much.”

“I get that,” Remus nodded, thinking of Tonks. “So, focus on getting Harry through this school year. That’s what Hermione is doing. If she’s right, and we know she is, this Umbridge woman will make this year hell for him. She’s a horrid woman. He needs you to help him through it all. Hermione needs your help to get him through.”

“Well I assume she’s waiting for you in your bed,” Sirius grumbled darkly.

“This is your doing, you know,” Remus shot back.

“I know,” Sirius sat up and pulled his legs to his chest. “If I can’t share a bed with either of you, I am glad you have each other.” He pulled the top off his bottle and took a long swig.

Remus sighed, searching his best friend’s face. “Let’s get you to bed.” Sirius nodded and they both stood. Without warning, Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus and held him close into a fierce hug. Remus held him as he took several deep breaths. “Come on, Pads.”

Remus led him to bed.