Life Behind

August 25th 1995

“Hermione, love,” Remus nuzzled his nose into the crook of her neck, “Wake up, they all just got home.” As her eyes opened, Remus smiled down at her and she couldn’t help but grin back. Her scent permeated the room and Moony was happier than he’d been in years. 

“No, not yet.”

Remus laughed, “Unfortunately, yes.” He tore himself away from her and his bed and started to dress.

“Ugh,” Hermione groaned, throwing a pillow over her head. 

“Come on,” Remus grabbed the bottom of her foot and pulled her out of the bed, causing her to giggle. When she was standing, he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her deeply. “We need to get dressed and greet them. And you need another polyjuice.” Hermione’s face fell and she nodded, pulling her too-tall clothes on. “It’s really hard not looking like you, isn’t it?” Remus asked as he watched her dress. 

“Yes,” She sighed, pulling out a tablet. “The hardest part is that I have to be around Harry and Ron and Ginny and they don’t know who I am,” She winced as she transformed again into Hestia. 

“I can imagine that being difficult,” Remus took her hand and placed a gentle kiss to her forehead. “But I like you, in whichever body you’re in. I think your soul is beautiful.” Hermione blushed deeply and pulled him down to kiss her, though the distance was shorter in Hestia’s body. 

“Mmm,” Remus hummed as he pulled away from her. “I will go ask Sirius to talk. Do you want me to wait to tell him until you’re there?”

“Yes, please,” Hermione murmured, trailing her hand down his back. “Now go before we’re both stuck here,” She grinned, kissing him quickly and pushing him towards the door. 

August 27th, 1995

Hermione forced herself out of Remus’ arms and bed. He was snoring softly and grumbled at the sudden lack of contact. Hermione covered him quickly with the blanket and made her way to Remus’ bathroom, climbing into the shower. With a deep sigh, she let the hot water hit her back as she thought, once again, about their conversation with Sirius.

“You two fucked!” Sirius yelled as Hermione walked into the drawing room where he and Remus were sitting. 

“Remus! I thought you said you’d wait for me to tell him!” Hermione exclaimed, looking between the two men. 

“I haven’t said a word!” Remus insisted, glaring at Sirius. Hermione looked between them both skeptically. 

“He didn’t,” Sirius smiled, “Listen, I know when my best mate is well shagged,” He winked at Remus. “Besides, I am the one that made it happen.”

“You what?” Hermione asked, jaw clenching. 

“Well I knew you fancied each other and Remus needs something since he found-”

“His mate,” finished Hermione. 

“You told her?”

“She knew,” Remus shrugged. 

“Of course she did.” Sirius rolled his eyes, “I knew you both could benefit from each others company.”

Hermione sat next to Remus on the sofa and crossed her legs tightly. “Just because you told both of us to shag the other doesn’t mean-”

“Let’s just give Padfoot this one,” Remus said, nudging her knee with his. Hermione stared at him for several moments before she groaned, throwing her hands in the air. 

“Yes!” Sirius grinned. “Listen, you both deserve to have a good time.”

Hermione let the water run over her face, cringing as the too-hot water stung the sensitive skin. She couldn’t help feel like a burden that Sirius had successfully pushed off to someone else. She couldn’t deny that it had felt good to be with Remus. But her heart fucking ached for Sirius. Especially since he seemed so supportive and gung-ho about her and Remus being together. Maybe he didn’t really like her the way he said, if he was pushing her so hard to be with someone else. Maybe she wanted him too much, was ‘too much’ of a person for him, and he was trying to let her down easy. 

“I can hear you thinking all the way from bed,” Remus said, making Hermione jump. Remus chuckled and climbed into the shower behind her, wrapping his arms around her. 

“Mmm…” Hemione moaned softly as Remus gently caressed her breasts. 

“What were you thinking so hard about?”

“Mmm, doesn’t matter anymore,” Hermione’s hands moved to his thighs. 

“Hermione,” Remus’ hands stopped moving and he turned her to face him, “Is it about Sirius?” Hermione didn’t answer, face flushed from the heat and embarrassment. Remus sighed, “Not that I love you thinking about another man when you’re with me, but I get it. You… fancy him. And even though he feels the same way, he pushed us together. I can understand that that must be terribly hard. I don’t fault you for that.”

“Remus-” Hermione kissed him roughly, “I don’t want you to think I don’t love this, or that I want this is to stop, because I don’t.”

“I don’t want this to stop either,” Remus kissed her again. 

Hermione pulled back, “Even though I fancy another man?”

Remus laughed, “Hermione, I have a mate. No, I don’t care that you love another man.” Love. The word rang like a bell in Hermione’s mind. She’d never even thought the word. Remus grinned at her as he pulled her hips closer to his, “Besides, I bet you ten galleons I can make you forget about him.” He dropped to his knees slowly, silver eyes not leaving hers. 

August 28th 1995

Sirius opened the door to Harry’s room quietly, Kreacher trailing behind him with breakfast. 

“Thank you Kreacher,” Sirius said as the elf put the tray on Harry’s desk. They had given Harry his own room. And the day after he decided he would be making Grimmauld Place his home Hermione had helped him decorate the room to his liking. To Sirius’ great joy, there were large Gryffindor banners. Hermione had also taken several pictures of the group staying at Number 12 and had them plastered over Harry’s walls.  Miss Hestia Jones was now one of Harry’s favourite people. 

“Harry,” Sirius whispered softly. The boy was turned away from him, facing the wall, but Sirius could hear small whimpers coming from him. He hurried to Harry’s side, laying a hand on his cheek. 

“Mum please,” Harry whispered, “Don’t go,” Tears sprang to Sirius’ eyes immediately and he shook Harry slightly. “Cedric-”

“Harry, wake up!” Harry’s eyes opened, faster than Sirius had expected, and he shot away from Sirius, throwing himself against the wall. 

“Sirius!” Harry gasped, “I’m sorry!” He flushed. 

“It’s alright,” Sirius smiled at him, though he was concerned, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Harry shook his head swiftly, “No, no, I’m alright. It’s the same as always.”

“The graveyard?” Sirius asked. Harry nodded. “Every night?” Another nod. Sirius sighed, internally cursing himself. If only he had stopped Harry from touching that fucking cup. “Harry…” Sirius said tentatively, “How would you feel about seeing a Mind Healer?”

“Mind Healer?” Harry thought for a moment and then his eyes widened, “A shrink? I’m not crazy!”

Sirius sat down on the bed. “Harry, I don’t think you’re crazy. In fact, when you kids go back to school I am planning on seeing one myself.”

“Really?”

“Yes. We’ve both been through a lot,” Sirius put his hand on Harry’s shoulder, “You, especially, at far too young an age. Her-Hestia told me that a shrink is just a Muggle doctor that helps heal your mind. They help Muggles. Mind Healers can help us. And  it’s okay for us to need help.”

“You sound like Hestia,” Harry grumbled.

Sirius laughed, “Well, she has rubbed off on me a bit. She’s the one that convinced me to see one myself.” Sirius smiled, remembering that particular row. “ But!” Sirius clapped his hands together, “Today we aren’t worrying about that. I’ve got an entire day planned!”

Harry perked up, “Just us?”

“Just us,” Sirius nodded, “But, of course, it’s your day. We didn’t get to do much celebrating on your birthday, so we can do whatever you want. We can bring your friends if you’d like.”

“I-” Harry blushed, “I’d like it to be just us… if that’s okay? And maybe Remus and Hestia could meet us later for dinner? I mean, that’s if it’s okay for us to go out to eat? We can always come back her-”

“I think going to dinner with them is a wonderful idea, Harry,” Sirius said, cutting him off with a smile. Harry grinned back. 

Sirius was nervous. He had been in Diagon Alley a few days before to get school supplies, but he had been with everyone else and had felt safe, distracted. Now he felt exposed and vulnerable with just Harry. It didn’t help that he and Harry were arguably the two most famous people in the Wizarding World at the moment. Kreacher was walking with them, his face pulled into less of a scowl than usual. Both Hermione and her younger self had been aggressively kind to the elf, and he had become a much lovelier creature to be around. Of course, Sirius and Remus both hopped on that bandwagon when Hermione told them that Kreacher had been secretly meeting with the Death Eaters. 

Sirius wrapped an arm around his godson, soon to be more than godson, Sirius thought, though that was a surprise for Harry at the end of the day. Sirius had finally been able to access his vault where the single copy of the Potters’ will had been kept for the last fourteen years. Hermione had helped him submit all the paperwork with the Ministry… after screaming at Dumbledore for hours after he’d hesitantly admitted he’d known the will was there the whole time. 

“So, Harry,” Sirius tapped the brick wall behind the Leaky Cauldron, “Here’s my thought about what we should do today.”

“I’m ready,” Harry grinned as the bricks pulled away from each other. 

Sirius cleared his throat, “First, we need to go to Gringotts. After, I would love to get your friends some start-of-term gifts. Then, I would like to take you shopping.”

“But-”

“I know you’ve gotten all your school things, but I would like to get you lots of other things.”

“But I don’t have-”

“You’ll see when you see our vaults, Harry.” Sirius lead him towards Gringotts. 

“Our?” Harry asked as they stepped into the main part of the alley. As if on cue, heads turned and the whispers started. The witches and wizards of Diagon Alley didn’t even try to hide their pointing. Sirius kept his arm around Harry as they continued to their destination. 

The goblins at Gringotts greeted Sirius formally. Now that his status among them had returned, he was well respected. Having one of the largest vaults seemed to do that. 

“Good morning! I would love to take Harry here to see all the vaults under my name, including the Potter vault,” Sirius told the goblin he’d been directed to. 

“Potter vault?” Harry asked as they were led towards the carts. “I thought I already had the Potter vault?”

Sirius chuckled, “Oh, no, Harry. You have your trust that your parents set up when they found out they were going to have you. They had several different vaults before they died, but with no one to manage their estate but the goblins, they moved everything into the family vault besides yours.”

They headed to the Black vaults first, mostly driving by them, while Sirius explained their use to Harry. Once they reached the main Black family vault, even Sirius was overwhelmed when it opened. He was worried that Harry wouldn’t be able to handle the Potter vault, as it was even more crowded than this one. Sirius beelined for the large pile of gold while Harry walked around, staring at the artefacts the Black family kept holed up inside. 

“Don’t touch anything!” Sirius called as he filled his money bag with only shining gold galleons. Sirius quickly ushered Harry out and away from the probable dark objects that Sirius needed to have studied before it was safe to move them. “We are going to Muggle London and starting you a Muggle bank account, so we’re going to need a lot of money. This one,” Sirius lifted the much smaller, but quite full, bag, “Is for our purchases in the Alley today.”

“Vault Number Seven next!” The goblin said as they clamoured back into the cart. It didn’t take long, only a few vaults away from the Black’s main vault at No. 13.

The goblin opened the vault and Harry let out an audible gasp. The vault Harry had been using for the last four years was absolutely minuscule in comparison to the mountains appearing in front of him now. Sirius watched as his green eyes grew wide, trying to take in everything. 

Sirius stepped inside and beckoned Harry towards several large trunks. 

“There are all things from your parent’s house. Kreacher is going to bring them home for us so we can go through them when you’re ready.”

Harry just stared at him, nodding slightly. Sirius opened a small, hidden compartment on the smallest trunk. In the compartment was a small, golden ring. The last time Sirius has seen it was on his best friend’s limp fingers. 

“The Head of the House of Potter wears this ring. Your dad wore it when his dad died. The ‘P’ is framed by the Potter house crest, the Griffin. You should have it now,” Sirius said, voice catching. He held the ring out to Harry who took it and slid it on his right middle finger. The ring glowed bright gold and shrunk to the size of Harry’s finger. Small gold sparks flashed off the top as Harry looked up at Sirius, his eyes a mix of joy and deep grief. Sirius knew he must look much the same.

“This vault is technically under my control until you’re of age, but I’ve given you access to all of our vaults until then,” Sirius said as Kreacher apparated the trunks over to Grimmauld Place. “So if you ever need anything, you can come here at any time. 

“Where did all of this come from?” Harry asked, turning to look again at the immense wealth he hadn’t even known he had. 

“Back in the 12th century, the House of Potter was founded by Linfred of Stinchcombe, who invented both Skele-Gro and the Pepper-Up potion. And on top of that, your grandfather Fleamont invented Sleekeazy’s Hair Potion, which increased this vault’s gold significantly,” Sirius explained as they headed back up to the lobby of Gringotts, “The Potter’s often mingled with Muggles, unlike the Blacks, so they weren’t part of pureblood society the way my family was. They did a lot of good with the money they made for themselves.”

Harry stood back as Sirius exchanged the galleons for thousands in Muggle money.

“So,” Harry said as they walked out of the bank, nodding at the goblins, “We can give some of it away?” Sirius turned to look at him, noting the deep blush. 

“Of course! In fact, you already do give a lot of it away, and we can give as much of it away as you’d like,” Sirius smiled, hooking his arm around Harry’s neck again. “In fact, I think we should start with buying both our friends a ridiculous amount of gifts.”

Harry frowned, “I try to get Ron things sometimes but he doesn’t like it… I just don’t want them to be angry with me.”

“Remus used to get mad at James and me for buying him things. When we refused to stop, he eventually got over it,” Sirius laughed, “So let’s spoil your friends. We need to get something for all of the Weasleys, for Hermione-”

“Remus and Hestia?”

Sirius smiled, “Yeah, something for them too.”

After shopping for several hours, Harry sat with Sirius at a Muggle cafe. He was exhausted. Harry had never shopped this much in his life. He’d never even owned this many things before. He pushed his new glasses up his nose as the food was sat in front of them. His old glasses had been repaired so many times that they had been permanently skewed. These sat perfectly on his face. He had decided to keep the round, dark frames almost exactly the same as his first pair. 

“You’ve been quiet,” Sirius noted, as Harry ate slowly, and silently. 

“Well-” Harry looked away, thoughtful. He didn’t want to make Sirius upset at him. 

“What is it? You can talk with me about anything,” Sirius smiled over his coffee. 

“I’ve just…” Harry stared down at the bags surrounding their table, “I’ve never bought this much all at once.”

Sirius frowned, “Ah.”

“Or really, I mean, I’ve never even had this much all at once,” Harry flushed deeply and ducked his head.

“Harry-” Sirius paused and sat back, holding his coffee close to his chest, “I’m sorry.” Harry’s eyes widened and he shook his head quickly, shaming bubbling up. 

“No-”

“Harry,” Sirius cut him off,  “I should have asked you what you would be comfortable with. But I want you to know, really know, that you will never want for anything ever again.”

“Sirius-”

“Harry, please,” Sirius' eyes turned pleading, “I wasn’t able to give you the last 13 years of your life that you deserved. I would really like to give you as much of that as I can… so I will need a little grace when it comes to spoiling you,” Sirius grinned. 

Harry took a deep breath, “I’ve never been spoiled.”

“I know,” Sirius murmured, “I am working hard to not… blame myself for you being stuck with the Dursleys.”

“You shouldn’t!” Harry insisted. He was appalled that the thought had even crossed Sirius’ mind.

“I know, I know,” Sirius nodded, “But it drives me mad that I couldn’t be there for you. So I worry that I am doing too much, but this is all yours, Harry. You should allow yourself to get used to having and using all of it.”

“Won’t it… run out? I don’t want us to go overboard.”

“No,” Sirius laughed, “You make money on the things your grandfather made.”

“How?”

“Well, when the first war was getting worse, James wanted to ensure you would be taken care of if anything happened. He worked out an arrangement with the folks making Pepper-up, Skele-gro,  and Sleekezeys, so that all of the upkeep would come out of profits, including salaries, yearly raises, bonuses, emergency maintenance, etc. The rest of the profits, whatever was left, went into that vault we saw today. James even set it up to take out 50% of what was to go in the vault, and sent to charities that your grandfather had supported.”

Harry didn’t know what to say. His dad had been taking care of him, even after death. Harry had never had much, living with the Durselys, but he’d never minded. When he did see his school vault, which was nothing in comparison to his family’s vault, he always tried to be frugal, as he never knew if the Durselys would somehow get their hands on it and take it from him. 

“You…” Harry blushed, not knowing if anything he was doing was right, “You can spoil me.”

Sirius beamed at him, “Well, I’m glad you said that because I was planning to. There’s a surprise for you when we head back to Diagon Alley.”

“A surprise?”

“A few, actually.”

Arms free after giving their Muggle parcels to Kreacher, Harry followed Sirius into Quality Quidditch Supplies. It was their last stop. They were going to get Ron and Ginny new brooms. 

“Mr Black,” The shop owner, Grayson Giggle, smiled, “Come on back.” They followed him into the back of the shop. On display in the darkroom was the most beautiful broom Harry had ever seen.

The Starsweeper Blast was inscribed on the plaque. 

“Here you are, Mr Black,” Giggle said, gesturing to the broom. Sirius stared at Harry.

“What?” Harry asked, staring at his godfather. Sirius just smiled. “Wait- this ?” Harry gasped, “This is the surprise?”

“Yes. It’s an American broom. Not available here yet. I’ve been talking with Mr Giggle here about it for a long time, though it was through Remus for a while. We were trying to get it to you for your birthday, but it didn’t get here in time.”

“Sirius, I-” Harry’s eyes unwillingly filled with tears, “This is too much- I- I can’t.”

“Harry, you said I could spoil you, and I couldn’t get you something great for your birthday- any of your birthdays.” Sirius waited. Harry didn’t say anything. “You don’t like it….”

“No! No, that’s not it! I love it,” Harry’s voice broke, “You’ve already done so much for me- you’re giving me too much, I don’t deserve- ”

“Oh, Harry, no. You are so deserving. You deserve this and so much more.”

Harry sucked in a breath, staring around the room. He noticed that the shopkeeper had left them. He also noticed that tears had started streaming down his face. 

He had never felt so loved. Not because Sirius had bought him something expensive, but that Sirius had spent the whole day taking care of him, buying things for his friends, focusing on what Harry wanted and needed. The whole day he’d been focused on Harry. A family member had never done that before. He’d never had real family before. Sirius was holding Harry to his chest now, as he blubbered his thoughts out loud. 

“Harry, I love you,” Sirius pulled Harry back, placing his hands on either side of Harry’s face, so he had no choice but to look into Sirius’ grey eyes, alight with emotion. “I want you to hear me. I love you. You deserve to be loved. I am sorry that you have never felt that, but I want you to know that. So loved. Not just by me, but by Remus and Hermione,” Sirius’ eyes flashed and Harry felt his hands tense against his cheeks, “And, uh, Hestia, and Ron… Merlin, all the Weasleys. We all love you. And we believe you deserve the fucking world. You were dealt a horrible card, and I am truly trying to make up for it as best as I know how. And it might  not be enough, or right, but it’s the best I know.”

“No one,” Harry gasped out, “No one has ever loved me this way.”

“Oh, Harry,” Sirius pulled him close again, “That’s where you are wrong. You have always been loved this way. Your parents loved you more than any person has ever loved another. And even when they were gone, Remus and I loved you so completely, even if we couldn’t be with you. Now we’re trying to show you.” Sirius fell silent, maybe because Harry was crying too hard to do anything but be held. 

Sirius let him cry, rubbing gentle circles on his back, soothing words flowing from his mouth. 

“I’m sorry,” Harry finally murmured once he could catch his breath, “I’ve cried so much since…” Harry trailed off and buried his face deeper into Sirius’ chest.

“It’s alright, Harry.” Sirius kissed the top of his head. Harry sniffed and pulled back from his godfather, wiping his face. Sirius pulled out his wand and cleaned them both up. 

“Thanks,” Harry smiled tentatively. Sirius smiled back as he stowed his wand. 

“I’m going to have Mr Giggle wrap up your new broom. I thought you could gift Ron your Firebolt and we can get Ginny the new Cleansweep?” 

“That sounds perfect,” Harry breathed a sigh of relief as they changed the subject with ease. “Uh… Is it okay if  I buy some-”

“Harry,” Sirius said firmly, “You don’t have to ask. I won’t get mad if you go get whatever you want from the shop,” Sirius said, his voice endowed with promise. 

Harry took a deep breath and nodded, “Okay.” Harry followed Sirius out to the floor, with a new sense of confidence.