TWENTY-ONE
JULY 13th 1995
Hermione gently applied more scar paste on Remus’ chest as he dozed. He’d been in and out all day. Awake long enough for Sirius and Hermione to force some broth and chocolate down his throat and then out again to sleep for several more hours while the two took shifts staying with him.
They often spoke in hushed whispers when they were together, always stopping when Remus stirred. They were both worried. The next moon would be just as bad if they didn’t get their hands on the Wolfsbane. Hermione wanted to ask Snape, but Sirius was outright refusing to ask for his help.
“I don’t want to give Snivellus the satisfaction,” Sirius growled under his breath, grabbing the Witch Weekly he’d brought upstairs.
“Sirius-”
“Absolutely not!”
“Shhh!” Hermione shushed as Remus moved in his sleep. She took a step back, setting the jar of paste down. “Stop, just fucking listen to me, Black.”
Sirius sighed, covering his face with the magazine, “Hermione, come on.”
“I mean it. Shut the fuck up,” She snarled, hair sparking, “Remus might die next time. Look at me.” Hermione ripped the magazine from his face and grabbed his face roughly with her hand, pinching his cheeks together and forcing him to lock eyes with her. “Remus might fucking die.” Sirius glared at her for several moments before turning his eyes on the sleeping man.
“Fuck,” He whispered, voice gruff. “I thought I was losing him,”
“I know,” Hermione murmured, moving her hand to the side of his face, “I know. Which is why this can’t happen again. I will talk to Snape and get us the Wolfsbane for the next moon. I can’t go through that again either. And I don’t know if he would survive it. If it was any worse…” Hermione shook her head and closed her eyes briefly.
“Okay,” Sirius conceded, nodding. “Fine.” Hermione smiled at him and took her hand from his face.
“Thank you. I’m going to write to him now and see if Molly has some dinner for us and Remus,” Hermione stood and kissed Sirius gently on the cheek before leaving the room. She didn’t particularly want to talk with Snape either, and more than that, she didn’t want to ask him the favour of teaching her the Wolfsbane. She never wanted Remus to be without it again, so she needed to be able to make it for him. And hopefully, once she knew how to do it, they could stockpile it to save in case she wasn’t able to make fresh batches. The kitchen was full to the brim when Hermione walked in. It seemed every person in the house was sat down for dinner, along with several other Order members. Tonks was showing off her noses to Ginny and Hermione’s younger self, she noticed with a small smile.
“Oh, Hestia!” Molly stood from the table and pulled her into a hug, “How is dear Remus? I’ve made a plate for the three of you and set them aside,” She pointed to the three plates.
“Thank you, Molly. He is doing alright. It wasn’t an easy moon, so he will be recovering for a few days,” Molly’s eyes were soft as Hermione spoke about Remus’ condition. Hermione couldn’t stand the way she was looking at her. “Okay, I will just take this upstairs. I’ll see you all soon,” Hermione said as she floated the plates in front of her with her wand. On her way back to Remus’ room she stopped to grab her quills and parchment.
Remus was sitting up and chatting with Sirius when she came in and he greeted her with a smile.
“Remus, you’re awake,” She grinned at him and pulled up a chair next to Sirius’.
“Yes,” He slowly pulled the plate Hermione sent over to him down onto his lap. “I’m sorry I scared you both,” His voice was hoarse. From screaming, Hermione knew.
“It’s not your fault,” Hermione said to him as he tucked in, “But I want you to know that we’re going to get you the Wolfsbane potion for next moon, okay?”
“How?” Remus looked between them both as Sirius swore under his breath. “Severus?”
“Yes,” Hermione said, not looking at Sirius.
Remus frowned, “You think you can convince him?”
“What?” Sirius growled, “To be on our side?”
“He is on our side,” Hermione and Remus said together. Both Remus and Sirius turned to look at Hermione and she blushed.
“Oh, fuck,” She covered her face with her hands, “It’s not my secret to tell.” She glanced at the two men between her fingers. They continued to stare at her. “Merlin’s soggy fucking pants, fine.”
“Fuck, what happened to Merlin’s pants?” Sirius laughed as she uncovered her face. She rolled her eyes and looked at Remus.
“Severus is on our side. Ultimately. But there will be a lot of… events so that he becomes Voldemort’s right-hand-man. But he is, and always will be, on our side, no matter what happens. It’s fucked, honestly. He’s just another one of Dumbledore’s pawns.” Hermione’s hair sparked at the mention of the older wizard.
“Why?” Sirius asked, angrily, his eyes flailing, “Why is he on our side? When did he turn? Why keep up the charade?”
Hermione thought back to Snape’s dying eyes staring deeply into Harry’s but ignored the questions for now. “In my time, he died during the final battle at Hogwarts. Voldemort killed him with Nagini and we were there, hiding. We tried to help him, but it was too late. He gave Harry his memories. After Harry… died,” Hermione flinched hard and Sirius reached out and took her hand. “After that, I took the memories in the Pensieve and watched them myself.”
“And what… was in them?” Remus asked softly.
“I…” Hermione couldn’t decide what to say, “Severus loved Lily.” Both men swore and she flinched again, “And after Harry’s parents died, I think he realized that he was on the wrong side.” She decided to not tell them that he’d been the one that had reported the prophecy to Voldemort. It would just upset them, and make it harder to work with Snape and learn the Wolfsbane, which was her current mission. “So when Voldemort rose to power again, Severus resumed his role as a Death Eater and a double agent and is actually on the Order’s side. Of course, Voldemort thinks that we only think he’s a double agent and is actually just on Voldemort’s side. But we can trust him, mostly,” Hermione shrugged, “Even if he is the most unpleasant man I have ever met, and you all have a long history, I have to do this. Because we need the Wolfsbane potion for you, Remus. And hopefully, he will teach me the potion and then I will know it and we won’t have to ask him for it every month.”
Remus thought for a long time, while Sirius shook his leg in frustration. Remus finally nodded slowly, though the worry lines between his brows stayed furrowed.
“Alright. But if he treats you unkindly, Hermione, you should not continue,” Remus implored her. With a small smile, she relented and they all turned back to their dinner.
JULY 15, 1995
“I just want to thank you again, Severus,” Hermione tried smiling at the scowling wizard in front of her. She’d travelled by floo to Dumbledore’s office, as Snape had insisted that they work in the Hogwarts dungeons. At her thanks, Snape rolled his dark eyes at her and beckoned her over. They had reached an agreement. Snape would brew this month’s batch while Hermione observed. He had refused to speak on the months in the future, but Hermione was just thankful for this start.
They spoke only in his instructions, and her follow up questions. He seemed to get more and more agitated as she spoke and asked questions, so eventually, she just took her notes and listened as intently as she could. When the day’s work was done (they would come back after the current mixture stewed for a week), Snape simply left the room without so much of a dismissal.
“Well,” Hermione said as she slumped into the soft chair across from Remus in the upstairs drawing room, “It wasn’t horrible, but he barely even acknowledged me. I think I’ll get everything right, but I’m just so worried I’ll mess it up. If I get it wrong…” Hermione sucked in a breath.
“Oh, stop, of course, you’ll get it right. You’re absolutely brilliant. You’re going to be amazing.” Remus smiled gently at her.
“But-”
“Why are you doubting yourself?”
“If I get it wrong I could kill you,” Hermione cried, “And if I-”
“Hermione,” Remus leant forward in his seat, setting his book aside, “You’re not going to hurt me. You’re so self-assured about so many other things. Why not this?”
Hemione looked down, embarrassed, “Everything else about magic came back to me so easily, but potions have been so much harder for me to jump back into and I am so scared that spending so many years away from it will make it so I mess up and… and if I mess up, I could kill you .”
“You know that both Sirius and I have a long past with Severus, but I do trust him to teach you. He wouldn’t let you brew anything subpar.”
“You think?”
“I do.”
They stared at one another for a long moment before Hermione let out a long breath and sat back in her chair, crossing both her arms and legs. Remus smiled and grabbed his book once more.
“Don’t look so smug,” Hermione said, glaring at him while she tried to stop her smile.
“Hestia!” A call of her other name filled the upstairs rooms and she sighed, opening the drawing room door with a flick of her wand. Sirius and Harry noticed the door and came into the room, sitting on the sofa together across from her and Remus.
“Hestia,” Sirius said as they all sat down, “We needed to talk to you. Harry, well, do you want?” Sirius and Harry exchanged a look and seemed to have a silent conversation. Sirius nodded and turned back to Hermione, “Harry has been having dreams. Of Voldemort.”
“Oh!” Hermione gasped and clapped a hand to her face, “Harry, I am so sorry. I knew-I suspected this would happen and I completely forgot to mention it to you, I apologize.”
“That’s okay,” Harry blushed, “I just thought I should tell Sirius…”
“You were right to,” Hermione reassured him, “You should always tell Sirius, or Remus, or me if you have any type of dream or vision.”
“So,” Sirius put a hand on Harry’s shoulder, “Are you going to teach Harry Occlumency?” Hermione paused for a long moment before shaking her head. “What?”
“Well, I have done a lot of research, and I don’t think it will work.”
Remus sat forward, intrigued, “Why?”
“Well, Harry, your… connection to Voldemort is more than that of the mind. I told you that he unknowingly created a Horcrux inside of you. It’s a soul connection. Something that I believe Occlumency will not be able to control.”
“So, our… souls are connected?” Harry made a face and Hermione smiled while nodding.
“Yes, unfortunately, I think so. Usually, Horcruxes are confined to some sort of inanimate object. The bit of soul connects to the object and they mix and one cannot be without the other. I think the same happened with you, Harry, and your soul.” Remus and Sirius both looked grim.
“How are we going to… 'unconnect' our souls then?” Harry asked shakily.
“Well, I don’t know yet,” Hermione frowned deeply, “But I have been working on it, I promise. And thankfully, we have some time. We still have to deal with the other Horcruxes as well, though those are a much simpler affair. I-we-are going to figure it out, Harry. Dumbledore has given me access to the full Hogwarts library and all of his personal collection as well. Remus and I are still making our way through all of the books here at Grimmauld Place,” Hermione gestured to the book on Remus’ lap. “There’s an answer somewhere. I believe it.”
“And if you don’t find an answer?” Harry asked, cautiously.
“She will,” Sirius said before Hermione could answer, “And we’re not going to worry about that until we absolutely have to.” Sirius wrapped his arm around Harry, pulling him close. “We’re not going to let anything happen to you, Harry,”
“I know,” Harry smiled at all of them, “Is it okay if I go flying?”
“Of course,” Sirius ruffled his already messy hair, “Just stay low!” He called as Harry bounded down the stairs, calling for Ron. Sirius turned back to his friends, a proud smile on his face.
“You’re doing a wonderful job with him, Sirius,” Hermione couldn’t stop the tears from springing to her eyes, “He never got to have this in my time, and I’m just so grateful.” Remus reached out and took her hand, squeezing it gently.
“I’m happy to get this too,” Sirius said, sincerely.
“Come on,” Remus stood and pulled Hermione with him, “Let’s go watch the kids fly.”