Summer
Summer of ‘78
Dear Regulus,
Hi.
It’s a normal summer day in Beaulieu-sur-Dordogne, France.
With a cup of coffee in one hand and a cigarette in the other, Regulus sits by his bedroom window, basking in the sun’s warmth and allowing the golden arrows to leave little freckles on his nose.
Not many people know this, but summer is actually his favourite season. It could be because of the monotonous, cold life in dreary–old London or simply because of who he is and how ‘comfort’ has always felt foreign at 12 Grimmauld Place; so being able to feel the Sun’s warm embrace is like being caressed in a way he was never used to.
Or maybe it’s the way the sunlight dances through the leaves, creating little shadows that pull him away from his worries, even if just for a moment.
That’s why he’s always loved spending his summer holidays here. It’s his place of solace, like warming yourself up in a nice, cosy bed after suffering a cold winter day.
Regulus feels like he can start breathing again, for the first time since Sirius left. He's allowing himself to do so, to let his heart beat without fearing who might hear it. It’s strange, though— he’s not sure why his mother is staying in London this summer. But he knows that her absence is part of the reason why he feels lighter, blissfully enjoying this fleeting moment of freedom he rarely gets to experience.
Thankfully, it’s just Regulus and his imbecile of a father.
In his opinion, Orion is as low as a man can get. His parents' marriage was one of convenience and for political advantage so to speak, for the house of Black must always protect its integrity and nobility, and that, apparently, means marrying your own cousin.
Walburga was born and bred to carry on the family line and she never cared for Orion more than anyone would for a rug on the floor.
On the contrary, Orion has always admired her and would be at her beck and call, following her around like a shadow. As the years passed by, Regulus thinks Orion has learned to fear Walburga almost as much as he and Sirius did, and by consequence, has made himself smaller.
He’s the kind of father that would acknowledge your existence only when you were being an inconvenience. There were times where he would show acts of paternal love (or he would try to at least), but slowly those gestures vanished as his blood ran colder.
She, however, never showed much love or compassion for anything or anyone, least of all to her sons.
Is it terrible to think that Regulus almost feels sorry for her? She’s the least qualified person on this earth to take up the role of being a mother, but he supposes she never asked for it, as it was forced upon her. He likes to think that his mother wasn’t always like this, that she wasn’t born cruel and cold, that under those layers of skin and bone, a heart lays, still and forever frozen.
He wonders if he still would’ve been this fucked up if his parents actually loved him, or if it’s all their fault and their “Toujours Pur” bullshit.
Regulus takes another drag of his cigarette and watches the smoke drift out in the air, the sunlight combining itself with it creating a show of light and shadows. He puts it out on the corner of his window and throws it in the nearly-full jar of cigarette butts.
He takes the letters from his desk and slumps in his bed. In the span of two weeks, James has sent him a total of five letters. Regulus is pretty sure this is now classified as stalking and is wondering if by answering he will only make matters worse.
Plus, he never told James he would respond, just that he would be ‘able to’. He’s not even writing anything contextual for Salazar’s sake; actually it’s rather insulting to even be calling them letters, they’re more like telegrams if he’s honest.
“Hi.” What even is that? Who writes just that in a bloody letter? The others aren’t any better either, they all consist of “It’s warm here, how’s the weather in France?” (leave it to an englishman to talk about climate) or “Have you ever eaten a Jacket potato? If I could marry a dish, that’s what I would tie myself to for the rest of my life.” Like, What????
Regulus lets his arms fall to his side, the letters scattering above him. Should he really trust James? What if he really is just pranking him? The last thing Regulus needs is to be made a fool of.
He decides to not waste his time pondering about it and to do something productive instead. Quickly grabbing some clothes and his bag, he heads out.
It’s a quiet Tuesday morning, you can smell fresh bread coming from the bakery across the street, the postman is doing his rounds of the houses, tipping his hat off to Regulus as they cross paths.
He decides to stop by the new cafè that just opened.
Regulus has no way of describing it other than saying it’s funny looking: all the chairs are different, as if each one was picked out individually from different places, instead of delicate flowers as centerpieces there’s weird-shaped cacti and replacing the spot where one would usually place curtains, there’s a line of strings decorated with different coloured beans that jingle at the slightest change of wind.
He quickly scans the room for a place to sit down and opts for the window seat.
“Good choice.” says the girl standing beside him.
“What-” Regulus turns around and is almost startled to death. He’s usually pretty good at sensing if there’s someone standing close, but he had no idea this girl was right next to him. “Merlin’s beard” he mumbles, “make a noise would you?”
“Oh, sorry. I didn’t think it would work on wizards as well.” the girl says.
She’s a very peculiar looking thing, Regulus thinks, very pale but not so much to think that she’s unwell; it matches her light blonde hair which she’s pinned in two buns behind her ears, although they might not be completely even. Her miss-matched coloured tights don’t seem to be an accident, but the black edges on her sleeve that Regulus assumes were caused by a fire, are enough reason to think this girl is used to mishaps.
“I go to Hogwarts as well, I’ve seen you around the hallways. We also have herbology together.” She explains, offering a smile.
“Oh.” because what else is he supposed to say? Regulus prides himself for being an observing person so he’s surprisingly trying to hide how ashamed he is for having no clue who this girl is.
“And I was trying out my new somber slippers.” she continues,
“Hm?” he hums as confusion takes over his face.
“As long as I’m not talking, the slippers make it so that no one notices me. I’m right in front of you but you can’t see me, like hiding in plain sight.” she says, clicking her heels together to show them off.
“That’s... quite brilliant.” Regulus replies, impressed by her.
“Thank you Regulus!” She beamed.
And here comes the statement that makes Regulus want to bury himself,
“Ah. I’m sorry I didn’t catch your name.”
“My name is Pandora, Pandora Lovegood.” She states while holding out her hand,
“Nice to meet you Pandora.” He counters, shaking her hand.
Regulus is not one to make friends easily, safe to say that his current friends simply forced themselves into his life without so much as a warning, but he with Pandora, he feels a weirdly at ease; she’s a bit odd, but there’s something sort of comforting in that, so he asks her if she would like to join him.
“Yes! It’ll be much easier to tell you everything you need to know about Nargles!” She cheers, while dragging Regulus to the table he spotted earlier.
“What..?” Dumbfounded and reluctant, Regulus allows himself to be led by his new peculiar acquaintance.
Apart from the fact that Pandora has a weird obsession for magical creatures which Regulus has never heard of (she does make a lot of fascinating points though), he learns that the new oddly-decorated cafè actually belongs to her grandmother who she’s very close to. This new information allows them to continue their conversation in French, switching from one subject to another: they talk about school (he deducts that she’s a Ravenclaw), their passions, Regulus’s favourite books, Pandora’s Bowtruckle which she adopted a week after school finished.
"The Bowtruckle, which eats insects, is a peaceable and intensely shy creature but if the tree in which it lives is threatened, it has been known to leap down upon the woodcutter or tree-surgeon attempting to harm its home and gouge at their eyes with its long, sharp fingers.” She says with a giggle in her voice, “An offering of woodlice will placate the Bowtruckle long enough to let a witch or wizard remove wand-wood from its tree. And that’s how I got the little guy! I’ll bring him next time so you can meet him.”
“Brilliant.”
They talk for another hour or so. They part ways when Regulus notices he needs to get back and feed Flea before he starves, Regulus cannot be the reason for the death of James Potter’s owl. They agree to meet up later that week and Regulus leaves with a small smile threatening to show upon his face.
###
These days, the nights and mornings have a tendency to bleed into one another.
It’s currently 05:20 am on a humid Sunday morning and James is watching as the sun rises from the side mirror of his cab as he returns home from another stranger’s flat in London.
Not a stranger exactly, a Daily Prophet intern called Marie or Marla, or something like that, whom he had met that night at the pub he, Sirius, Remus and Peter had gone to. Nice chatty girl, very enthusiastic to be taking him to her house.
This isn’t really a common occurrence for James, but it has happened once or twice since joining the Red Lions’ team. After every match, win or lose, they all go out for a drink and then James would go and meet up with the others.
He really likes his team. He hasn’t really managed to bond with everyone yet, but everyone seems to be really sound and hard working. And just like him, they all share an unmatched love for quidditch.
He’s made the team, but he still has a long way to go. His dream is to be the team’s main chaser. For now, he’s just a backup player which means that sometimes he doesn’t get to play in official matches at all. But this doesn’t bother him at all, he knows his place and that he has to earn the spot that he wants.
He has so much respect for his peers. He’s honestly just happy to have been given this opportunity to live his life-long dream.
As he arrives home, he pays the driver and thanks him, watching him leave with a tired expression on his face.
He makes sure to be as quiet as possible, though he suspects his mum is already awake and reading the newspaper while his dad is still asleep next to her, the thought bringing a small smile to his face.
He creeps up the stairs and goes to check Sirius’s room. He and Remus are both sound asleep, Sirius’s hair being everywhere, including Remus’s mouth. He gently closes the door and walks to the opposite side of the hallway to his own room.
He’s absolutely knackered and can’t wait for his head to hit his pillow. In Fact he’s so tired, he doesn’t even notice the owl sleeping on his bed.
He quickly strips himself of the clothes of the night before to change into something more comfortable before giving in to gravity and allowing himself to fall on his bed.
Safe to say he realized it then.
He doesn’t scream, but he does fall off his bed and hiss while holding his stomach, particularly where Flea’s beak stabbed him. James then immediately goes to see if the owl’s okay and releases a sigh of relief when he sees that he didn’t accidentally kill his own bird.
Then, James being James, goes to snuggle up against him and dozes off to sleep. He doesn't register or even question what his owl is doing here after going missing for the past week, until…
James’s heart beats outside of his chest as he works out the situation.
He’s frantically looking around his bed, a surge of hope growing within him. He then stops completely as he notices an envelope on the other edge of the bed. He continues to sit still for a moment, the sound of his breathing filling up the room. His heart is beating so hard he’s scared it’s going to get stuck in his throat.
This is the first time Regulus has replied to his letters.
Mind you, James was almost completely settled with the idea of giving up on this little mission of his, seeing as he couldn’t very well force Regulus to write him back.
In the past few years, James has gotten pretty good at getting a hint, though he usually does push more than he should, but with Regulus he feels like he can only go so far, sort of like juggling, but with glass instead.
He slowly reaches down to grab the envelope and sure enough, the writing reads R.A.B., Beaulieu-sur-Dordogne, France. His heart skips another beat. He’s actually kind of nervous to read it.
Nevertheless, he opens it up.
To one James Potter,
How are you? Now I'm not asking because I actually care, but out of politeness. That’s how you usually start a letter, not that you'd know anything about how to write one seeing your previous examples.
To calm your curiosity I’m enjoying my summer holidays , it’s nice to be away from everything and everyone. The weather here is perfectly warm. I don’t know what a jacket potato is, nor do I think I’ll ever have one seeing as it’s something you like. As for tying myself in a life-long relationship with a dish, I’d go for Tiramisù.
You were in the newspaper a while back, well not you specifically, the Red Lions. Congratulations on making the team. (Of course you picked them, they’re probably your favourite team right? You’re so predictable). Don’t let the fame get to your head, your ego is annoying enough as it is, it doesn’t need any more stroking.
Hogwarts is starting again soon. I don’t know how I feel about it being my last year, it’s kind of weird actually… can’t imagine myself not going there one day. Anyways, that’s all you need to know. You were so hellbent on exchanging letters yet you can’t even be bothered to write one, it really pisses me off. Oh also, I made a new friend.
Cordially,
R.A.B.
“Is it a letter from the girl you keep writing to?” A voice appears in James’s doorway. That beautiful voice belonging to Euphemia Potter, more commonly known as Effie, his mum. “Is it Lily? Merlin, she has you smiling like a madman.” she says, you can hear the cheekiness in her voice.
“How long have you been standing there?” James asks embarrassed.
“Enough to see how positively smitten you are. Is she coming over anytime soon? You know she’s always welcome.”
“She’s coming over to celebrate Pete’s birthday with everyone else. Oh and um..actually these letters aren’t from Lily.”
“Oh?” Effie replies, a single eyebrow arching up.
“They’re from… a friend.” James says, trying to be as nonchalant as possible. He can’t lie to his mum, mostly because he’s never had to. But this thing with Regulus, it’s an extremely delicate matter and if it goes wrong and Sirius finds out, it could hurt everyone. He just needs Regulus to trust him enough to try and save him.
“Do I know this ‘friend’? ” His mum asks, obviously curious.
“Not yet, soon though.” James hopes.
He offers her a smile hoping to satisfy her for now. She walks over to James and stares him down, her hand goes to caress his cheek and James welcomes it, “Alright. But whoever this person is, I’m glad they’re making you smile like that.” She gives him one last forehead kiss before leaving the room.
There’s truly no one in this world he trusts and admires more than his mum. Sirius is a close second though. He’s always been close with his mum and has never been ashamed of it, he doesn’t have to. Yeah he used to get teased a bit, but as soon as the others met Effie, they understood. She’s like a breath of fresh air, always understanding, always there for comfort and safety. She’s the pillar on which his world stands on.
He looks down at the letter, his fingers gently tracing the dried up ink, and can’t help but smile.
He’s imagining Regulus writing this on a ridiculously expensive and sacred desk, frustration taking over him at some point (fair enough) and calling James out for the notes he’s been sending.
Apart from the first one where James just panicked and sent him a “Hi”, he was testing out the waters after not getting a reply, fairly so, he thinks.
He’s doing something good here, really good, and it’s going to work. He’s never failed at anything he put his mind to, almost. But this time it’s different, he has to succeed. For Regulus. For Sirius.
At this point James forgets about all the exhaustion that was taking over his body just a moment ago and goes to write a letter back, a real one.
——————
Today Regulus goes back to school.
The train station is as noisy and chaotic as ever, Regulus is currently receiving Walburga’s daily rant when he spots his friend with the corner of his eye. Krecher, their family’s house-elf, returns from loading his trunk on the train, pointing out that there are 5 minutes left until departure.
“Remember who you are. Don’t be an embarrassment.” Walburga warns him for the last time.
“I know maman.”
“Good. We’ll see each other for Christmas.”
And with a polite kiss on the cheek, Walburga turns her back, leaving Regulus at the station.
“Is it getting warmer here?” Says Evan, wrapping an arm around Regulus’s shoulders while he fans his face with his other hand.
“I do believe chills have stopped going down my spine.” Adds Barty, comically trying to touch his back.
“Die.” Is the only response Regulus offers them.
They all get on the train, finding a cabin for themselves. They catch up on things, sharing the ups and downs and lulls of their holidays.
Both Evan and Barty managed to meet up with Dorcas at least once, apparently she travelled up north to Scotland to visit her cousins.
”She mentioned something about going into fashion,”
“which honestly makes so much sense.”
Regulus nods in agreement, most of his jewellery was gifted to him by Dorcas, including his favourite ring, a silver snake that wraps itself around his right middle finger, emerald eyes to match his own.
She also moved in with that blonde girlfriend of hers.
It’s only been a few weeks since they last saw each other but Regulus feels like he’s missed so much, and he’s not the type to be sentimental about these things, but it feels like Dorcas is making a life for herself so far away from him.
Maybe it’s for the best, Regulus thinks. He’s not exactly surrounded my luck, and he’s not the best company to keep around. He’s cynical and pessimistic, not the type of person you go looking for if you want to have a good time, that was always Sirius.
His thoughts consume him entirely, so much so that he gets startled by the nock on their cabinet door.
“Ah Regulus! found you” Pandora exclaims.
“Hello Panda” Regulus greets back with a smile.
“Who is this?” Evan asks, puzzled,
“I think we‘ve missed a few chapters,” Barth concludes, offering his hand up “Hello blondie, Barty Crouch, nice to meet you. This over here is Evan.”
“Yes, Regulus’s friends, he spoke lots about you.” She miles, shaking Barty’s hand with impressive firmness.
“Mind catching us up Black?” Evan turns towards Regulus,
“This is Pandora. We met this summer.” Regulus replies, “Are you joining us?” He looks up at her,
“Obviously, why would I be here otherwise?” She scoffs with a smile. She goes to sit by the window, opposite Regulus.
Regulus is instantly aware of the very annoying conversation that he’s going to have to go through tonight the moment Barty and Evan exchange a look between them.
For now though he ignores them, keeping his attention on Pandora and her lovely little rant about this fascinating fella she met yesterday.
The train ride went by quickly, they moved routinely as a group but then got separated when they went to sit down for the inauguration. After dinner, Regulus finally told them about Pandora and they all established that they’re going to adopt her in their little family.
“She’s going to fit right in, I can feel it.” Barty announces,
“That’s something she would say too.” Regulus chuckles.
They continue messing around in their dorm for a while before retiring to bed. Regulus tries to fall asleep, but once again his mind wanders away and refuses to give him peace. He also can’t shake off this not-so-subtle anxious feeling that’s been following him around all day. It’s like a heavy weight, a looming shadow.
He tosses and turns until his body finally gives in and he falls asleep. Though it doesn’t last long.
Suddenly, hands start to shake him awake. He opens his eyes to find Evan. There’s something wrong with his face, his eyes are wide open and his eyebrows furrowed in worry. He closes his eyes again.
“Regulus you have to wake up!” He tries again.
Regulus outright refuses to open his eyes again and prays he’ll be able to fall back asleep in an instant, “Salazar help you Evan. If this is your idea of a good joke I’m going to-“
“Regulus it’s about your father.”
Regulus’s heart stops for a second, just a split second.
His eyes finally open and he sits up, looking Evan straight in the eyes. Barty is standing right next to him with a blank expression.
“What about him?” His voice cold.
Evan looks down, not meeting his gaze, “He… this morning he…”
“He what, Evan? Spit it out.” Regulus’s voice starts to rise.
Evan looks up at Barty, a silent agreement passing between them.
Barty walks over to Regulus, laying a hand on his shoulder,
“Your father was found dead this morning.”
The words don’t immediately register in his brain. He understands what Barty said, he heard his voice clearly. But the meaning doesn't sink in right away. It’s like a slap to the face, in the moment you know what’s happening to you, but the pain doesn’t hit you until the adrenaline wears off.
The door opens and his mother stands there like a haunting ghost. A black net covers her face, hiding her away. Although her figure is slim, she holds a terrifying, yet grand, presence to her person, like death impersonated.
“Regulus.” Her voice as commanding as ever, “Dress quickly, there is much to be discussed.” Her gaze turns to the two boys standing next to him.
“Nos condoléances, tante.” Evan says, his voice ever so delicate.
Walburga just nods before leaving the room.
A few moments of uncomfortable silence surrounds the three boys before Regulus stands up to get dressed.
“Regulus.” Barty tries,
“Not now.”
“Okay.”
They stand out of his way, looking at him in awkward silence when they’re interrupted again, this time by Krecher.
“Master, do you need any help?”
“I’m perfectly capable of getting dressed on my own, Krecher.” Regulus can’t help the anger that comes out with his words.
“Of course, of course. Krecher only meant to aid his master.” He frets while lowering his head. He then proceeds to startle everyone when he starts banging his head against the bed’s wooden frame as he mumbles, stupid Krecher, stupid, stupid Krecher.
“Krecher stop.” Regulus says firmly, “you didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Oh but Krecher did. Krecher addressed Regulus as his master.” He says before going back to mumbling and hitting himself.
“What does that mean?” Evan whispers to Barty,
“Haven’t you realised yet? Our Regulus is the new Lord of the most ancient and noble house of Black.” Barty states, an undertone of sarcasm intertwining with his words.
Regulus freezes. This is why it hasn’t sunk in until now. This is why the announcement of his father’s death felt so alien. It was never about his passing, but of his authority. Orion’s title was never meant for him, he was always the spare.
Sirius should be bearing this right now, not him. Sirius should feel this family’s curse on his shoulders, not him. It was always Sirius. Never Regulus.
In this very moment of realisation, part of Regulus’s core turns to stone, untouchable and unbreakable. He now not only mourns the death of his father, but his brother’s too, for the only thing that remains of him is his memory and the life he left behind.
They’ll be lowering down one single coffin at the graveyard, but for Regulus two lives were lost alongside his own.
In his mind, three new headstones bear the name Black.
###
James is sitting at the breakfast table, laid back on his chair listening to Monty, his dad, talking about his new gardening project. To be honest James isn’t paying much attention to what his dad is saying, he loves him to death but he has absolutely no interest whatsoever in the fascinating growing methods of various plants.
The conversation gets interrupted by the loud presence of none other than Sirius Black himself.
“Good morning princess, why are you up so early?” James jokes.
Sirius sits down next to him and steals his spoon to eat some of James’s cereal. With his mouth still full, he says something along the lines of I don’t know what you’re talking about, this is a perfectly normal time for me to be awake.
James raises an eyebrow, knowing very well that Sirius never wakes up before the very last possible moment. “It’s six o’clock Sirius.” James deadpans,
“So?” Sirius counters, still eating the cereal.
“So…” James’s stone suggesting Sirius to fess up already,
“Okay, fine.” Sirius gives up, “I had a little nightmare and couldn’t go back to sleep. Nothing tragic, just woke up in a bit of a panic.”
To his response, worry takes over James’s face.
“Oh stop it, I’m fine. It was nothing.”
James still doesn’t believe him, but he decides not to push. They continue on with their breakfast when Effie walks down the stairs and over to them with a weird face.
“Mama?” James calls, “what is it?”
She looks at them and hands over the newspaper to Sirius. In an instant, his eyes widen and his hand covers his mouth. He tries to hold down something in his throat, like he’s regurgitating.
Confused and even more worried, James takes the newspaper in his hands, and right there in the front page is Regulus. Only it’s not him, but the new Lord of House Black. His face is stone cold, eyes dull and lifeless. He looks just like a painting, beautiful and unreachable.
So many thoughts crowd up in his mind, for both Sirius and Regulus.
He drops the papers and goes to hold his brother who falls instantly in his arms. He holds tight. Reassurance and love emanating from him. He doesn’t speak, neither of them do. He leads Sirius up to his bedroom for comfort, but not before mouthing to his mum call Remus and Pete.
When they reach Sirius’s room, James helps him down on the bed. Sirius is quiet, too quiet, James can see him dissociating, completely lost in his own mind.
“Sirius?” James tries, but he doesn’t seem to have heard him. “Sirius?” He tries again, cupping Sirius’s cheek. Their eyes finally meet one another but the look on Sirius's face makes James want to break down and cry by the sheer amount of sadness he finds in his friend’s eyes.
He’s utterly distraught, but not in a hysterical way that James would honestly prefer. He’s used to comforting an angry and crying Sirius, and he’s stayed by his side on the many times he’s dissociated, but there’s not much he can do when he’s like this but stay by his side.
He doesn’t know how to help him so it makes him feel completely useless, what kind of friend is he if he can’t help the people he loves when they need him most?
Remus gets there first. He opens the bedroom door to see James stroking Sirius’s hair, his head laying on his chest, both in silence. Sirius doesn’t turn to look at Remus. James thinks he hasn’t even noticed him.
Remus walks over and lays down on the bed, hugging Sirius from behind. Sirius starts to cry again, hiding his face in James’s chest while holding onto the arm that’s wrapped around him. Not long after that, Peter shows up.
They’re all there, holding him and loving him. They don’t speak, but then again they don’t have to. They understand each other so well that words are unnecessary. They remain this way until Sirius exhausts himself from crying so much that he falls asleep.
James feels horrible. He can’t pinpoint the exact reason for why Sirius reacted this way, whether it’s for his father or his brother. The latter makes James feel twice as bad because every part of him wants to stay here next to Sirius, cemented by his side. But then, there’s a small part of him that just wants to run to Regulus.
Over the last few weeks, Regulus has sent him letter after letter, humouring James and allowing him to take apart his walls, one brick at a time. James hates to admit that he waited for the letters with more and more anticipation each time. He also hates how much he’s grown to care for Regulus.
He doesn’t know what Regulus is thinking or feeling at this moment. All James knows is that it shouldn’t be like this, he and Sirius should be together.
Later that night, he tells Remus that he has a quick errand to run.
“Where are you going?” Remus asks confused,
“I just need to speak with someone.”
“Who?” Peter adds,
“Just- I need to go, okay? I’ll be back in the morning.”
Although his friends exchange confused looks they give up their curious question and James bolts down the stairs, grabbing his invisibility cloak on the way. He still has the school map that he and his friends created in their school days to check if Regulus is there.
He lets out a sigh of relief when he sees his name pop up on the parchment paper. He wastes no time getting in the fireplace, floo powder in his hand.
There’s only one thought in his mind when the green fire takes him away.