Entranced

You finally found Jinx, she and Ran were in the back of her room tinkering away with Janna knows what explosives. Ran hears you before Jinx does, looking up and seeing your attempt to mask your emotionally distraught expression, they decide to draw Jinx’s attention to some random tool she forgot to grab. The blue braids swung past you, giving you a quick hug as she goes to fetch the, probably not necessary, tool. Ran climbs to their feet, approaching you softly. “I take it you ran into her?” Your lack of response tells them all they need to know. “You know that you did what you had to right? You did what most of us wouldn’t have been brave enough to do”. They pull you into a much needed hug.

“I can’t stop hearing her scream. I can’t stop seeing all that blood, I don’t know how someone can survive with the majority of their blood being splattered across the floor” You weren’t aware you were shaking until you heard the quiver in your voice. “I know I should be over it by now but what if I never forget? I haven’t slept a full night since” Ran chuckled at that - drawing you out of your self-induced spiral. “Yeah no shit - have you seen yourself recently? Those circles under your eyes are starting to look like someone beat you up, don’t want to give people the impression you're easy to take down right?” You find yourself smiling, they always know what to say to pull you out of your spirals. “The fucked up thoughts will leave eventually - there’s no rush for healing from this, you may still have both arms but the trauma is real even if you can’t see it. You’ll be okay”

“What if they never do? What if I’m fucked up forever?” you ask, hoping they will lie to you but knowing they won’t. “You keep going anyways” They give you another squeeze, then motion their head to the ball of blue energy that’s returned. “Perfect timing kid - you ready to show this slacker over here how to blow shit up?” This made you chuckle, anyone else calling you a slacker would’ve been on the floor by now but Ran was different, they knew you, they respected you, they cared. “I’ll see you later kid, you” their head turned to you as they walked out the door “if you can’t sleep tonight swing by my room - ok?” you nodded and they left.

“What were you and Ran talking about?” “nothing important kiddo - show me what you were doing with them, maybe I can help”. That got her energy going “So you connect this wire here and voila” Jinx pulls the pin on the freshly made explosive before dropping it into the abyss below. “Pow” you and jinx say in unison, smiling at each other. “Good job kid, it’s getting late though, let's get you ready for bed”. Jinx pouts but knows it’s pointless to fight you on this, she didn’t want to hear the speech about how she’s a growing girl who needs her sleep for the millionth time. She makes her way over to her bed and you sit next to her, trying to find a book to read her that she hasn’t already memorized or grown bored of - this kid really was a genius.

“Was it about Sevika?” Your breath caught in your throat, turning to look at her you attempt to push down your emotions. God what was wrong with you, even hearing her name starts to send you into one of your ‘episodes’ - how are you supposed to do your job? Will Silco fire you if you don’t get over this quick enough? Will you still be allowed to see Jinx? The thought of losing Jinx is scarier than any and is enough to send your mind spinning and quicken your breathing almost to the point of hyperventilation. As soon as it started it was gone. An icy cool hand on your shoulder drew you out of a potential episode. “You know I see them too right? My … my family. That night. I see their bodies, and hear their screams too” Clearly she’d heard part of your conversation with Ran, parroting your exact words back to you. She spoke with unnerving ease - recalling a memory that would usually send her over the edge is now being used to comfort you. “Oh Jinx, I’m sorry please don’t worry about me it’s ok. It’s not the same, you went through something I can’t begin to understand kid don’t compare my bullshit to that” Your rambles were cut off “BUT IT’S NOT BULLSHIT” She sat up and grabbed you by the shoulders quicker than you could react. “I know what you’re feeling. You help me - I help you. We’re friends right?” She looked at you with the puppy-dog eyes you saw her give to Silco whenever she wanted a new gadget or toy. Damn this kid knew how to wrap adults around her little finger without them even knowing. You shake your head and a smile starts to appear. “Of course we’re friends. Best friends. Forever, ok?” She sticks her pinky out to you “Promise?” “Promise” you took her finger in yours - you’d told her you never broke a pinky promise, so here you were, friends for life with this kid. “We don’t have to talk about it, but I overheard … her and Silco talking earlier” She didn’t want to trigger you by saying her name, so far only Jinx, Silco, and Ran knew about your episodes and issues, you did a pretty good job of masking them for the most part - hoping to keep the number of people privy to that part of your life limited. “He gave her a good talking to after you left his office - haven’t heard him use that tone since I stole his notebook to decorate it” She seemed quite pleased with herself, for both stealing his book and for Silco telling off Sevika - you knew she wasn’t the biggest fan of her, that sentiment was clearly returned. “I didn’t hear what they were saying, but she didn’t look mad if that’s what you’re worried about. She seemed confused but I think she understood whatever he told her” Jinx didn’t know this but she’d just eased your worries more than you can explain. “Wait - how did you see this? You were with Ran weren’t you?” “I just went to grab my drawings from his office, Ran was busy admiring my work. Don’t worry, no one saw me” Humble and sneaky as always kid. Sensing your relaxed state, she turned over - wrapping her little arm around your midsection. “Stay til I fall asleep? Please?” “Of course”. That’s all that needed to be said. Soon you heard the tell tale snores signalling she was out for the night. Waiting a bit longer to make sure no nightmares disturbed her rest, you got to work untangling her limbs from your waist. Kissing her forehead and whispering that you loved her, you slowly and silently made your way out of her room - making sure to leave her nightlights on.

You stepped on to the roof of the Last Drop. You’d stopped by Silco’s office, letting him know she was asleep, and figured you owed it to yourself to clear your head. The night air was thick with smog but the cool breeze felt amazing. So amazing in fact that you didn’t hear the footsteps approaching. You noticed her shadow, cast by the neon eye that adorned the building’s entrance. “Didn’t hear me coming huh?” She smirked, not her cruel one, but a more gentle one you’d never had the pleasure of seeing before. “Clearly I’m not cut out for this line of work if I get caught off guard this easily” You let out an airy chuckle, decide humor is how you’ll cope - considering this … exposure therapy of sorts. Her voice dropped an octave as she mumbled “Sorry for being a bitch earlier” you stilled, a million thoughts running through your head - great, now I’m crazy, what kind of a person hallucinates an apology of all things. Is she even really here right now? You were pulled back to reality as you felt the metal underneath you jolt as she planted herself a few feet away from you. This helped ground you, at least you knew she was real now - you still had your doubts about the reality of her out-of-character apology though. Her gaze follows yours out to the neon lights that cloud the dark night. “I used to sit here and watch all the idiots funnel into this place back when, well back then.” Clearly not wanting to dwell on the old management of the place, you shift the conversation’s direction. Ultimately you decide to push past her apology, half because you don’t believe you’re mind wasn’t playing tricks on you, half because you assume she doesn’t want one of her few apologies focused on. You didn’t want to make her feel weaker or more vulnerable than you clearly already had just by being there when she awoke after the explosion. “Silco’s already got me fitted up with this bad boy” She flexes the shimmer fueled mechanical arm, almost as if to tell you see? I’m fine. Forget about what you saw, it's done now. You appreciated the gesture, but nothing will erase what you saw, what you heard, and what you did. Your silence clearly wasn’t what she expected, nor is it what she wanted right now - you knew this but you didn’t know what to say.

Sensing that you weren’t going to respond any time soon she continued talking for the both of you. “I remember you, you know?” You raise your eyebrows at her, not sure where she’s going with this. “From the Garden” She clarified. “Didn’t seem like it” you mumbled under your breath, not meeting her gaze, keeping your eyes straight ahead - you refused to break down right now, knowing that all it would take is once glance in her direction and you’d be done. “I guess I deserved that” Shit, while you’d meant to say it you didn’t mean for her to actually acknowledge or hear it. “You were the only girl who could hold a conversation there, rare quality from what I gathered”. You chuckled at this, feeling strong enough to meet her gaze; you looked to your side, surprised to see she was already staring at you. “Yeah well hard to be a great conversationalist when you’re fucking them into the mattress right?” There was a bit of bite to your words, clearly you weren’t over the fact that she never approached you for more than your words even though you were ready and willing (even if it wasn’t your job, you still would have been ready and willing for anything this goddess of a woman would have given you).

She snapped her gaze away from you. “Yeah well doesn’t matter now, you’re here and we’re on the same team. I’m …” She hesitated, clearly not wanting to apologize for a second time tonight especially when her first had gone unacknowledged. “I won’t make you feel like we aren’t again. After all, clearly Silco sees something in you, and that little shit-” “-quit that!” The increase in your volume shocked you both, but riding this sudden wave of confidence (or stupidity? Guess you’ll have to wait and see) “Feel however you want, think whatever you want, but you talk shit about Jinx to me again and I won’t be here when you finish your sentence”. Clearly she wasn’t expecting this from you. She let out a small chuckle “Damn, guess you do have some spirit after all. What took so long? Was beginning to think you’d chickened out on me after seeing me all fucked up”. You were surprised she was the first of you two to broach the topic of the explosion, but not wanting it to go to waste you decide it’s now or never. “Yeah well when you watch someone you care about almost die that shakes you a bit, well me at least, guess it’s all those emotions the guys are always talking about”. Shit, had you really just admitted you care about her? To her face? Fuck.