Soul Love

~REGULUS~

Regulus Black supposes he is excited to be going back to Hogwarts. It's certainly a more exciting prospect than staying at Grimmauld place, where he couldn't do anything without feeling suffocated. He and Sirius stand now on the platform, side by side. They're nearly the same height now, Regulus hadn't noticed that before, when did that happen? He'd been trying not to notice Sirius at all the last few days, though. He hadn't wanted to go soft when their mother lashed out. But he did. And he was reminded of it in the slight limp his brother had when he walked due to a lack of proper medical attention, or the fraction of the usual energy he presented, which was so much unlike him.

It killed Regulus a little that the only reason they were standing next to each other was their mother, who was behind them, staring them down like a hawk. They weren't to leave the family until the train was ready to board. The Blacks had a reputation to uphold. They had been standing there for over ten minutes now. Regulus was fine, but he could tell by Sirius’s fidgeting that he was struggling a little. He had since spotted all of his friends: the Crouch family standing in a similar formation to the Blacks, Barty looking extremely impatient and nervous around his father, Pandora and Evan sitting together on the ground by one of the pillars, Evan putting charms in Pandora's braids and Pandora sketching something, probably another magical creature, and Dorcas, talking to some of the Gryffindor girls, Marlene Mckinnon, Mary Macdonald and Lily Evans. And of course, not far off were Sirius' friends. Potter, Lupin and Pettigrew were in a tight circle, and Potter was very excitedly explaining something to Lupin, who kept glancing over at Sirius.

The train whistled a five minute warning, and people started filing onto the train until the Blacks were the only people still on the platform. Regulus held still. He knew better than to leave without permission.

His mother rested a hand on each of her son's shoulders, and it took everything in Regulus not to flinch at the sensation, "You will behave this year. You will make this family proud. Toujours pur."

"Toujours pur," Sirius and Regulus both muttered back.

"Very well. You may go."

They didn't run, but, in Regulus's opinion, both of them moved as fast as possible as without doing so, scrabbling to grab their trunks and climb onto the train. Sirius set off straight down the corridor. Regulus looked back to see his parents already leaving and felt a pang in his stomach. He shook it off. It was childish. They didn't need to wait for the train to leave, they probably had more important things to do.

Eventually, Regulus found the compartment his friends were in, or more accurately, where two of his friends were, yelling at each other, with Pandora standing awkwardly outside. He came up to her side and stared out at the rolling countryside out of the opposite window.

"Hey Panda," he said, trying to ignore what was obviously happening on the other side of the door, "How was summer?" 

Something inside crashed and she flinched, but answered casually, "Evan and Barty should probably be careful, any more of this and they'll end up flying off the side of the train."

Regulus smiled, there was no beating around the bush when it came to Pandora Rosier. It was one of the reasons he liked her so much.

"So er... what happened?" He asked carefully.

"I'm not totally sure, to be honest. They were happily reuniting one moment and arguing about something the next. Parents again, I think, and something about toothpaste? I don't know, I'm just waiting for Dorcas to get back so she can sort this out." Right on cue, there was another crash from inside the compartment, followed by cursing. Regulus felt very pleased that he hadn't had the time to put his own trunk in there yet. Pandora's was absent from the corridor, meaning it was in there, probably being smashed to bits. He hoped she hadn't packed anything too fragile in there, but then again, knowing her, she probably had.

"Where is Dorcas, by the way? I saw her talking to some Gryffindors but surely she wouldn't stoop so low as to join them?" he asked. Her absence was borderline suspicious.

Pandora laughed, "Oh heavens, no! Haven't you heard? She's Quidditch captain now, there's some meeting she has to attend and then she'll be back."

"Of course, how could I forget?" Nobody had bothered told Regulus this fact.

They stayed by the door in silence. Comfortable silence. The kind that's soft and tender and can break so easily, but you could stay in forever. Those were Regulus-Pandora silences. The shouting continued, as did the crashes, but at some point they sat down, Pandora laying her head on his shoulder after receiving his approval. They scared the hell out of the trolley lady when she came by. They must have dozed off because next thing Regulus knew-

"What the fuck are you losers doing out here?"

"What the-" Regulus shot up, nearly toppling Pandora in the process, then dragging her up to a standing position, "Dorcas, what took you so long?"

"Nothing. Annoying Gryffindors, it's whatever, what is important is what you are doing on the floor of the corridor?"

"We're not on the floor anymore, I'll have you know," said Pandora, brushing off her clothes.

"I can see that. What's going on?"

Regulus sighed, "Evan and Barty are yelling at each other again. We thought we'd give them some space." Which wasn't entirely true. Really, Regulus had just wanted some peace, and as much as he loved them, it wasn't a common occurrence when Barty and Evan were involved. Also when they were arguing, they scared the shit out of him.

"It's been ages! I'm tired and hungry, so I'm going in. The idiots can work out their problems like civilised people for once."

She slammed to door open and Regulus peeked around the corner to see-

Evan in Bartys lap, chests pressed together, snogging each other's faces off.

"Oh what the fuck," Dorcas whispered, possibly as a prayer, Regulus wasn't sure, "Aren't you two meant to be arguing right now?"

Regulus held in a laugh and said, "I guess they worked it out like civilised people, Cas."

Pandora appeared in the doorframe, "I wouldn't exactly call this civilised, but you do you."

Evan rolled off Barty and scowled, before sitting himself and Barty in the corner by the window.

"You cockblockers gonna come in or not?" Asked Barty, raising an eyebrow. The three of them filed in, trying not to laugh at the absurdity of their friends’ relationship. Regulus settled himself in the other corner by the window, and Pandora happily seated herself next to him. Dorcas glanced at Evan and Barty, considering them, before sitting next to Pandora, despite there being more space on the other side, due to Evan practically still being in Bartys lap.

"So," Pandora started just as Regulus had comfortably unfocused his eyes on the landscape outside of the window, "how were your summers?"

"I was with you every day, Panda, I think you know," said Evan.

"You're my brother, you don't count," Pandora snipped.

"Okay, ouch."

"I was talking to the rest of you," Pandora said sweetly.

"You know mine was crap. It's always crap," said Barty, "Nothing new, just dad telling me how much of a fucking failure I am and mum not doing shit to stop him."

"Sounds lovely," said Regulus, "My mother only cursed me twice, and they weren't the worst she's done, so I'd consider it a win. Got Sirius pretty badly towards the end, though."

"Yeah, but Sirius is a git, so he probably deserved it," Barty waved it off. Regulus begged to differ, but didn't say anything. 

Sirius was a git, but still didn’t deserve this, not that Barty would understand.

"You know, my Summer was actually pretty pleasant," chimed Dorcas, "Unlike you miserable sods with daddy issues,” she nodded to Regulus, “Mummy issues. My parents took me on holiday."

"YOUR parents?" Evan exclaimed, "I'll have you know that OUR parents," he pointed a finger between him and Pandora, "Were the ones who organised and planned the whole trip. And we were there! We spent the whole time together!"

"Ev, organised and planned mean the same thing in this context."

"Shh, Dorcas, cut him some slack, you know he isn't very bright," Pandora stage whispered in her ear, and Evan looked like he was about to hit something.

"Evan, calm down," Regulus called.

"Please, for the love of Merlin, do not," said Barty, "You're sexy when you're mad." which earned him a hard kick to the shins from both Regulus and Pandora, and a yell of disapproval from Dorcas.

"Hey, I'm just speaking the facts!" exclaimed Barty.

"And you're only doing that because of your raging daddy issues," Dorcas barked right back, causing Barty to recoil, "What, it's just the facts!"

"Okay, I think everyone needs to calm down a little," said Pandora, always the mediator, while reaching into one of her many pockets, "exploding snap, anyone?" This managed to calm everyone down a little, until Evan was yelling at Barty for cheating and nobody was sure if he was talking about the game or not.

Regulus sighed, making eye contact with Dorcas. This was going to be a really long trip.

~REMUS~

Remus was trying very hard to stay calm, but it was a losing battle when not only were his friends clearly extremely excited to show him something, but one of them (Sirius) was being awfully distracting. He had changed over summer. Not dramatically, but enough. Something about the lines of his jaw and the width of his shoulders and the look in his eye told Remus that part of the boy who left Hogwarts three months ago wasn't coming back. He could see more of the boy in the toilet cubicle, making him lose his mind more than anything else. But it was fine. They were mates. Everything was fine.

He was almost grateful as he walked down the hall to the prefect's carriage, because he didn't have to sit in that compartment with him. Not for long, anyway. He didn't even have to think about it much, because the moment he stepped through the door, Lily was on him, asking about his summer and complaining about her sister. Mostly he just listened to her, because, as usual, his summer hadn't consisted of much.

He'd been at home for most of it. In his room, specifically, either with a book or a record or both. Sometimes he'd do something with his mother, but she was often too overworked to do anything particularly exciting. On the rare occasion that his father was home, he didn't do much. Just slept or worked more. Remus didn't think he'd had more than three full conversations with him all summer.

He did go to the Potter's a few times, though, who always made him feel welcome. James and Peter showed him around their town, and sometimes they'd take Marlene with them. But ultimately, Remus had spent the summer alone. Being at Hogwarts, though always hectic, would be a pleasant change.

"And then, after all that she decided she needed to introduce me to her new boyfriend! And his name is Vernon of all things! I mean, who honestly looks at a baby and says, 'oh yeah, that looks like a Vernon.'?" Lily was ranting, "Honestly, as dumb a name as it is, it fits him."

"Lils, I absolutely understand your vendetta against this man, but having a dumb name is hardly his fault," Remus said, touching his fingers to her shoulder.

"You're right, but you know what is his fault? Some of the shit he says. I hope for their poor kid's sake that it ends up a boy because jesus."

Remus had no idea what to say to that. He probably should have said something. He didn't. It was alright though, he had a way with Lily and comfortable silences.

Finally, he was able to return to the compartment (after a long detour to the bathroom), where he was eagerly awaited by the other three Marauders, who must have been bored out of their minds, because they were on him the moment he opened the door.

“Moooooonyyyyy!” James cried, “Where have you been?” Remus was about to reply that he had, in fact, been at the prefect meeting that they were all made much aware of (and had been making fun of him relentlessly for) when Sirius butted in.

“Yeah Moons, cheating on us with Evans? How could you break poor Rudolph’s heart like that?”

“Shut up, you dickhead,” James snapped.

“Never.”

“Excuse me, who the fuck is Rudolph?” asked Remus, lost. Peter pointed at James, looking like he was trying very hard not to say something. Remus turned his head to face his friend. “Last time I checked, your name was James, so either you’ve gone and had a bloody name change, which I honestly wouldn’t put past you, or there’s something going on here that I don’t know about.”

The three of them exchanged a look and Remus suddenly felt very out of his depth. “What did you do?” He asked suspiciously. Peter slapped a hand over his mouth while James and Sirius had what could only be described as telepathic conversation.

“Promise you won’t be mad,” said Sirius slowly, as if he was talking to a scared animal. Remus was about to explode.

“Spit it out, Black.”

“Erm, we sort of err-”

“We possibly maybe could have sort of become animaguses for you!” Peter said, like a dam releasing a whole ocean's worth of water at once.

The whole compartment froze.

“You what?” Remus needed to hear it again.

This time, Sirius spoke. “We wanted to help you out during full moons, and obviously we can’t go as ourselves, so we thought maybe if we were animals…”

“...You could be with me when I transform,” Remus finished.

“Yeah.”

“Lads, I really appreciate it, believe me, but are you sure it would work? I mean, what if I- what if the wolf knows you’re not really… whatever it is you are.”

“Nothing in our research said it wouldn’t work,” said James, “it’ll be fine.”

Remus was conflicted. Of course he wanted company on the worst night of every month, but at the same time… they would think of him differently. Sure, they knew he was a werewolf, but to actually see it? Not to mention the countless risks they would be taking, and laws they had no doubt already broken, because Remus knew for sure that they were not registered. Still, his curiosity got the better of him.

“Alright, what are they?”

James cocked his head, “What are what?”

“What sort of animals are you, dickheads?”

Sirius beamed, “How about we show you?”

James and Peter squeezed up against the door side of the compartment, where Remus was still standing. He shut the small curtain on the window of the door and wished it had a lock. 

“Ready, Moony?” Sirius said with a wink.

“Er-”

Too late. Sirius was already transforming. Getting smaller, darker, furrier, until it wasn’t Sirius who was standing in the middle of the compartment, but a huge black dog. It barked and wagged its tail, trying to turn around in a circle and failing due to a sore lack of space. Someone in the next compartment exclaimed a muffled “What the fuck! Who brought a dog?”

But of course Sirius was a fucking dog. He was the most dog- like person Remus had ever met. At least now he wasn’t the only one in the group with a painfully ironic name anymore. Sirius, the dog star. It was absurd, really, and yet, all Remus could think, was beautiful. The dog who was also Sirius was so beautiful, in the elegant and majestic way that dogs often are. Remus wouldn’t even consider himself a dog person, but oh.

The dog tilted his head at Remus’ fairly obvious brain short-circuit and jumped up onto a seat to stare him in the face as he transformed back. Now Sirius, the human, was casually lounging on the seat as though nothing had happened, with a smile so wide that looked borderline painful. “Whaddaya think?”

“I think… I might need some time to get used to that, and also that the whole train thinks that somebody brought a dog to Hogwarts,” was all Remus trusted himself to say. Sirius was his best mate, for fuck’s sake.

Sirius cringed, “Yeah, maybe I should have thought that bit out a little further.”

“You think?”

“Oookay, my turn,” James said, barging past and into the middle of the compartment, ungracefully shoving Sirius into Remus as he did. Remus caught him and steadied him out of instanct, but almost toppled him over again jumping away, trying to ignore the spike in his heartbeat. Sirius gave him an unreadable look that was gone a moment later.

“You are so not ready for this, Lupin,” James said, oblivious to the minor breakdown happening at the other end of the compartment, readying himself.

“I never said I wa- Oh for fuck’s sake.” James had already transformed. Seriously? A fucking stag? How much more of a show off and a prick could he possibly be? James’ antlers were scraping the ceiling, and, unlike Sirius, he was trying his best to stay perfectly still.

“Honestly, now I’m going to seem so boring,” Peter moaned.

“I’m sure, you’re amazing, Pete,” Remus said. Sirius snickered, which earned him a hard glare from everyone, even James, which only caused him to laugh more, because a giant stag glaring at you in the middle of a train compartment is far from something to be taken seriously.

Of course, because Sirius was laughing, so was James, and that truly was an odd sound. Before anyone could fall into total hysterics, James transformed back, still laughing. Finally, he calmed down enough to speak. “Phew, that was stressful,” he said, wiping a tear that Remus wasn’t totally sure was actually there, “Thought I was gonna have to learn some repairing spells pretty quickly.”

“‘Oh no! I’m so big and strong, how terrible, my life is so difficult! I might have to learn to be useful!’” Sirius mocked, fake fainting. James muttered something that sounded a lot like ‘dickhead’.

“Okay Pete, you’re up,” Remus said, hoping to get back on track. He still wasn’t sure how he felt about this whole thing, but maybe if he kept things moving he could delay thinking about it for a little longer.

Peter was clearly a little nervous and embarrassed, but James encouraged him to go up and take his previous spot. Instead, Peter took the seat and looked away, “Please don’t laugh,” he muttered. Honestly, Remus couldn’t see a reason he would laugh. Whatever animal it was, Peter still went through the whole complicated process of becoming an animagus to achieve it, and that could be nothing short of impressive.

When Remus returned his focus to reality, Peter was gone. His eyes darted around for a second before finally falling on the seat, where a rat was staring up at him. Remus could feel a laugh crawling up his throat, not at Peter, not even at the absurdity of the whole situation. Actually, he didn’t really know why, exactly, but he held it down with great effort for Peter’s sake. He looked around at his friends, feeling a surge of affection for them and the lengths they had just proved they would go for him. Those who could gave him smiles, and Peter squeaked happily. 

Remus sat down heavily on the seat. This was a lot. Of course he loved them for doing this, for the sentiment, but there was this feeling of… wrongness underneath, like something bad would happen or something could happen that would lead to something bad happening. He could easily hurt someone or worse, not even to mention the fact that he would be keeping them up all night trying to tame a beast. It really was a stupid idea, they could have died in the process, or been arrested, and they might still die or be arrested because this sort of thing is probably illegal for a reason.

“Remus?” something about Sirius’ tone told Remus that this was not the first time he had called his name. Maybe not even the second. “Moony, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I'm fine,” Remus smiled, “No need to worry,” at least not for Sirius. Remus was very worried.

“Okay,” Sirius gave him a funny look but didn't push.

After that, Peter had them too invested in a competitive game of I Spy, so Remus could forget about things for a moment, and instead focus on trying to guess James’ increasingly confusing things he ‘sees’.

“James, how the hell do you expect us to believe that you can see a muggle ‘ee-lec-tric’ kettle?” Peter asked incredulously.

“Mind's eye, Pete, not my fault your imagination may be lacking.” James grinned (he was far ahead of everyone else score-wise, though the scoring system was so complicated and confusing that Remus was shocked that the others were able to keep up. He'd lost track of his own points about half an hour ago.)

“That is not how the game works!” Peter complained, “It has to be something you can actually see!”

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder Petey-boy,” said Sirius, who was in a close second place and not letting anyone forget about it.

“That doesn't even make any sense!”

“It isn't my fault that you, foolish mortal, do not understand my wise wisdoms. I’m making perfect sense!”

“Pete's right, it really doesn't make sense, Black,” Remus butted in, “You never really make sense anyway, but this one's gotta take the cake,” Sirius was about to argue, but James beat him to it.

“You don't actually have to be able to see the thing to play I Spy,” said James, “My dad taught me that way.”

“Well my dad taught me that, to make it fair, it should only be something you can actually see! Hence the name I Spy. You know, I Spy with my little eye?” Peter cried.

“I'm really sorry to break it to you, mate, but your dad is a bit boring. What's the fun in only talking about what you can see? All I see is you three knuckleheads and Scotland.”

“My dad is not boring! And you can see so much more than that and you know it, pull your head out of your ass,” he turned to Sirius, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, right?”

“That doesn't make any sense either!” Sirius complained.

Peter pointed at him eagerly, “Aha! So you admit you didn't make any sense!”

“I think we all need to learn what things mean before we say them,” Remus said, trying to maintain some semblance of calm.

“Knowing what things mean is for boring people, Moony,” Sirius whined, “I mean, honestly, who actually knows what ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’ means?”

Remus refrained from mentioning that he did, in fact, know what it meant, because that would just rile everyone up even more. Really, this was like trying to mother three toddlers. Trying to keep them calm was futile.

“I know what it means,” said James.

“You do not.”

“Do too!”

“Do not!”

“Do too!”

Remus turned to Peter to laugh at the absurdity of the two of them as they argued, only to find that Peter was no longer there. Again, Remus's eyes darted around the compartment until falling on a rat curled up in a corner, covering its ears. “I absolutely get you,” Remus said in his direction. Peter squeaked and climbed up to sit next to him. Remus looked down at the rat more closely. It was surreal, knowing that it was his friend. Because his friend was a rat. What the fuck.

Luckily, he was saved from this downward spiral by the sound of the door slamming open and Marlene bounding in, followed by Mary. Wait, no, Peter was a rat. Remus scrambled to hide him, throwing a spare jumper on top of him.

“There you are!” said Marlene, “We thought you must have dropped out this year, we've been searching for ages!”

“I was in the prefect's carriage, didn't Lily tell you that?” 

“Wait, that was actually true? I thought she lied about you being a prefect!” Mary exclaimed, more upset than Remus thought absolutely necessary.

“And why, exactly, would Lily lie about me being a prefect?” 

“She was covering for you, of course! You were hooking up with someone or selling drugs or, I don't know, hosting a study group!” Remus flashed his badge at her, “Huh. You think you know someone…”

“Where's Peter?” Marlene asked, looking around. James and Sirius made frantic eye contact and Remus's eyes widened.

“Er- he's in the loo, just left, so don't expect him back for- er- a bit,” James rambled.

“Bowel problems,” Sirius said solemnly. The rat squeaked angrily from under Remus's jumper.

“The fuck was that?” Mary asked.

“Oh, nothing,” Remus was really trying to play it cool.

“No, I heard it too. A squeak,” Marlene said.

“No you didn't,” Sirius said.

“Remus, what's under your jumper?” Mary asked suspiciously.

“...My body?”

“Ooh Macdonald, trying to get a piece of our Moony, I respect that,” said James as Sirius wolf whistled.

“The other jumper, you know what I meant, don't be smartasses.”

“Can't help it, Macdonald, it's in my nature. Unfourtunately, this ass is smart,” Remus smirked. 

“For fuck’s sake! Why is your jumper squeaking, Remus?” Marlene interjected.

“It isn’t.” Remus gave the jumper (and Peter underneath) a light shove, which only caused him to squeak again.

“This is ridiculous,” Mary muttered before marching over and yanking the jumper up herself, revealing in the process a very nervous looking rat. “The fuck is this?”

“It’s a rat,” Remus stated.

“Yes, I can see that, what is it doing here?”

Remus looked to Sirius frantically. He was usually the one with a smooth enough tongue to get them out of these sorts of situations. Sirius shot him a near imperceptible wink before turning to look at Mary. “Well now you’ve gone and ruined it, Macdonald! Moony and I met up over summer and decided to do something nice for Jamesey-boy over here. He’s been moping about not having a pet, so we thought we’d get him a rat. We were going to give it to him when we got to the castle, but I guess that plan’s ruined now.” Then he made a big show of picking Peter up and handing him to James, who looked a little like he was struggling to keep up with all of this.

The girls stood there, surprise all over their faces. James accepted the rat and, rather unconvincingly, said, “Wow! Thanks guys, I don’t know what to say!”

A glint of mischief flashed in Sirius’s eyes, “How about you name it, pets need a name.”

The same look appeared in James’s eyes, “Yeah, it does. Ladies? Would you do me the honour?”

“Of what, naming a rat?” Asked Marlene, she looked at Mary, and they burst out laughing, “Yeah,” she said between giggles, “Yeah, sure, we’ll get back to you on that. This rat is going to be the best named rat in all of history!” and with that, they left, already muttering ideas to each other.

The moment they were out of sight, Peter transformed back into Peter, looking absolutely livid. Remus, Sirius, and James, however, were barely containing giggles. “What the hell? Why would you let them name me?”

“Because it’s funny, Pete!” Sirius giggled, tears in his eyes from restraint.

“We’ll have you know, whatever it is they come up with is what we call you from now on,” James said, in equal hysterics.

Peter turned to Remus, “Come on, Lupin, You wouldn’t let them do that, would you?”

Remus tried to hold it in, but then burst out laughing, “Sorry Pete, but they definitely have a point, imagine if they name you, I dunno, Snufflebum or something!”

Peter’s eyes widened, “They wouldn’t.”

“I certainly wouldn’t put it past them.”

“You guys suck.” Peter mutters before very pointedly looking out the window.

The rest of the train ride is normal, or as normal as it can be where James and Sirius are involved. Remus reads a book for most of it, but is pulled out a few times when Sirius or James need him to settle a debate for them. (Including, but not limited to: ‘Who would win in a fight? Unicorn or centaur?’, ‘Is Snuffles a good nickname for Sirius?’, and ‘Will James finally win Lily over this year? Yes, no, definitely no, or she ends up killing him?’)

Everyone was incredibly relieved when the train pulled into Hogsmeade station and they could finally stretch their legs. Remus had been going slightly mad in there. Sirius leaned in and whispered, “What do you say we try to charm the boats into throwing the first-years overboard?”

“I'd say that's an absurd idea and that the charms on them are damn near impenetrable, but if we can figure something out for next year, I'm totally in,” Remus whispered back.

The feast was amazing, as usual, but Remus found it difficult to focus when Sirius was sitting right across from him, talking and laughing and occasionally knocking their feet together and Remus couldn't figure out why. What had changed over summer to make him feel like this? He couldn't think of anything. Had he changed or was it just that Sirius looked… like that now?

He shook his head. Sirius was his best friend, nothing had to be different.

“So,” said James, pulling Remus's attention to something else, “what's our first prank gonna be?”