Burnt hair and a love affair
“What do you mean he is missing?“ Peter asked in shock on the other end of the line. The clang of whatever project he was working on in the background echoing down the line as he dropped it in shock.
“Oh, I’m sorry? Was that not clear enough for you? Cameron has vanished, unable to be seen, disappeared without a trace. Does that help?” Buck replied as he paced the firehouse bathrooms. He could feel the heat already building as he got more and more worked up. He wasn’t calm enough to think rationally or break it to Peter gently. They were already one sibling down and they had barely been back for a week.
He had gotten back to the firehouse after their last call and ran straight up to his laptop to continue his search for Cameron. He had been hopeful he could find Cameron and try and protect him, he had had it so hard, but Buck had been devastated when he saw the search history results. He prayed and prayed it was the wrong Cameron Devlin, but knew deep down in the pit of his stomach that it was him. Life had never been that easy. He sat staring at the screen for what felt like hours before the callings of the team finally made him move. He couldn't avoid the others in the house much longer.
As they sat down to their first meal on shift he felt a constant wave of sad and worried energy take over as he tried to act normal and composed through the meal. He tried to calm his breathing as he walked over to the table and took his seat. Tried to sneakily wipe away the tears as he rang his fingers up his face and through his hair. Had even dropped a fork so he could take a second under the table to collect himself, but he knew he was doing a lousy job. He wasn’t ok, and everyone in the firehouse knew it. That’s why they didn’t question when he had run off as soon as the table began to clear and had been locked in the station bathrooms for the last 20 minutes.
“Alright I get the point,” Peter stressed as he let out a large sigh. “What else did the poster say?”
“Nothing. The poster didn’t say much at all. Just his picture and a little extra info about his appearance so people could identify him. I found some articles though. He was last seen at his school leaving the grounds when the school let out, except he never arrived home. Cameron was from a much smaller town than me and you, you know. The whole town was out searching for days, but nothing. No sign of him. There were a few videos of his mum, asking for him to come home, it was heartbreaking. I could only watch a minute before I had to turn it off. My mum and dad would have been throwing a party and begging for me to stay gone.” Buck said with a humourless laugh. “It’s been the biggest event in the local paper since he disappeared 2 months ago. They are all still regularly searching for him. The investigations are still ongoing on his disappearance, but I don't think they are going to find anything. Father’s too good.”
“Do you think …” Peter started as he tried to not think about the reality staring them both in the face.
“Yeah, I do.” Buck sighed as he ran his fingers through his curls. The smell of burnt hair followed. Buck quickly glanced down at his hands and with a pale face, saw the light flickering building and building on the end of his fingertips. “There were reports of an unknown range rover leaving town on the same day. The town suspected it had something to do with it. Small town and all, they know who is a stranger and who isn’t. Who belongs. That kind of town, everyone knows everything about everyone. But the police could never trace the licence back to anyone.”
“Yeah sounds about right,” Peter mumbled as he thought about the cars lined up one by one back outside the compound. They all had matching licence plates except for the last number at the end. All fake. But all looking so real, no one would suspect a thing. That’s what they were good at, making sure there was nothing to suspect. “So they already have Cameron?” Peter asked, causing the rock inside Buck’s stomach to shift and a tear to take another run down his face. The flickers on his fingers slowly rolling down to his knuckles.
“Yeah,” Buck sobbed as he slowly sank to the floor. The orange of his eyes getting brighter and more vibrant. He rushed to place his phone down on the floor in front of him and put it on speaker. He didn’t want the others to hear Peter on the other line if they were outside the door waiting for him to come out, but he was seconds from turning the device into a puddle of melted plastic on the firehouse floor. He didn’t have any other option.
“What do we do, Ev?” Peter sobbed in desperation, the phone beginning to crackle as Peter’s powers took hold to. It was one thing they had never fully learnt at the compound, how to handle your emotions. How to blank them out, they had been told that was the only option, they had trained to do that in a heartbeat. They had never learnt how to truly deal with them though. And the pain, the hurtful emotions, they were building. Mental health was never a top priority. Being dangerous, being powerful, listening to orders, they were the priorities.
“We need to find him. We need to help him. If he is in that place he … he … he’s alone.” Buck sobbed as he bundled himself into the corner of the bathroom on the floor. He had known Cameron was the first to arrive at the compound, but had never realised how long he had spent alone. The realisation was causing Buck to unravel and not think things through at all. Rationality was completely going out the window.
His back rested on the cold, grubby wall as he tried to calm himself down. Several years of tracking mud and ash into the room had given it its fair share of wear and tear, but it had always been looked after as good as it can get. Buck still remembers the gruelling sessions he had spent cleaning the room when he and the team hadn’t been on speaking terms during the investigation. When he had been benched and put on man behind duty only.
“I spent two years in that place Petey and I nearly lost my way … lost my mind … but I had you guys to bring me back. Cameron had no one. We can’t leave him there.” Buck finished as tried his best to keep his hands in front of him and not touch anywhere around him. He wouldn’t be able to explain the scorch marks. He had never been so scared of his control, of his powers until that moment. Until that moment he hadn’t realised, as he started sobbing looking at the bathroom door, thinking how close he was to his family, just how dangerous he could be and how close he was able to bring the whole station down with him.
“You need to calm down, Ev … it isn’t safe. Please!” Peter pleaded as his voiced cracked with smaller sobs on the other line.Peter had always been one of the best at going from 100 back down to 0. Buck had always been best at going from 0 to 100. Buck tried. He tried to breathe in and out slowly as he tried to remember their lessons. How they had gotten some form of control on their powers the first time. His powers now might not be used to him telling them what to do, but he was used to controlling them. That was what he had been training for.
He didn’t like to think of Donnie. He terrified him. But he had trained him. He thought of everytime the shock of the collar ripped across his neck, circling and heading down his spine like a thousand tiny needles ,everytime, until he eventually stopped having uncontrolled bouts of power outside of the training room. When he wasn’t allowed to use them. He thought of Donnie whispering “Take hold , take control.” Their father used to tell all of Buck’s siblings to think of their powers as strings. Invisible strings that wrapped around every inch of their body. Strings that held them tight until the physical bodies off their fear and anxiety came and pulled on them until they were loose and free to swing around their bodies as they wished. The strings needed to be kept tight. They could decide whether they wanted to release them and wrap them around others, but couldn’t allow them to become loose, because then they would trip and trap others that Buck and the others didn’t want them to touch.
Buck used to imagine such orange vibrant strings. Like the most beautiful sunrise at his highest peak. When it looked like the sky was ablaze. When he would lose control, he would close his eyes and imagine taking a hold of the string dangling in front of him. Imagine taking hold of it and slowly wrapping it around his hand methodically until he thought, if he made a fist, he would be able to feel the tight pull of the string hugging the skin across his knuckles. As he opened his eyes and took one last breath, as he imagined that string wrapped so tight, he looked down and saw the flickers flow like lava down his knuckles and back to his fingertips, before they finally puttered out. His father had done many things to them, such awful things, but at least he had taught Buck one useful thing in his life.
“Ok … Ok … I’m back I’m back,” Buck said between staggered breaths, the extreme use of power slightly taking it out of him.
You can’t lose control like that Buck, you know how Bobbygerous it is, Buck said to himself. He was meant to be the big brother. He was meant to fix this and comfort Peter, not the other way around
“I’m sorry Petey,” Buck sighed.
“So what do we do now?” Peter asked with a dejected tone.
“We can‘t do anything right now,” Buck replied after taking a few minutes to think now his rational thinking was starting to return. As much as he wanted to get Cameron home as soon as possible and make sure he was safe, there was nothing Peter or he could do on their own. “We focus on finding everyone else, then we focus on getting Cameron back. We can’t go jumping in right now as much as we want to. We don’t even know for sure he is there as much as we are sure he is. Maybe we should find a way to get into their system. Make sure he is there. Get a hold of the others, and then make a plan,” Buck suggested as began to feel his heart rate begin to come down as he thought things through. He hated that he couldn’t do anything, but after the initial panic and shock, he knew it was the right decision.
He spent a couple more minutes with Peter, comforting each other and confirming they were going to be ok with their thoughts before finally saying goodbye. Buck spent another minute staring at the bathroom floor before finally clambering to his feet and resting against the wall. He had calmed down considerably since his outburst, but he still didn’t feel steady on his feet and was still concerned he was going to go back to a walking bonfire. The bell finally forced him to leave the safety of the bathroom and join his team in the truck on the way to a pool accident at one of the penthouses a couple of minutes from the station. Buck avoided making eye contact with any of his team as they rode to the call, he knew the red eyes and blotchy face gave away that he hadn’t had the best time since he had left the table, but no one seemed to think it was a good idea to talk about it either. Luckily they arrived at the apartment block relatively quickly and the focus was finally pulled away from him and the team’s focus turned to the caller and Buck was able to avoid Eddie’s worried gaze for a little longer.
It was only when he got to the station that the questioning looks returned and Buck had to try and think of an excuse for his previous behaviour. He managed to distract the team from their worrying with a passing comment on a rabbit hole research binge turned dark and the request for a districation in the form of a gaming tournament across the station during their down time. Eddie didn’t seem as easily distracted as the others though and ensured he sat within inches of Buck’s reach during every match to ensure he was ready incase Buck broke down again. The tingle Buck felt being so close to Eddie again definitely didn’t help Buck stay focused on keeping up the ruse though, but the love sick look on his face just encouraged extra eye rolls from his team. It was times like this that reminded Buck just how much he wanted Eddie again as his boyfriend. That feeling of having someone always knowing just what you need, sometimes before you even knew, was something he truly missed over the last few years.
Their shift ended a few hours later in relative silence after its busy start and Buck and Eddie waved goodbye to their teammates before clambering into Eddie’s car ready to head to Chris’ school to collect him. Tonight was pizza and games night. They had a night for everything. Movie night, game night, even a lego building night. It seemed that Eddie, Buck and Chris had managed to find every excuse they could to spend as much time as possible together. Buck didn’t know how it had taken Buck and Eddie so long to actually begin dating, seeing as they had spent so long in a relationship without even realising it. Buck supposed he would have to decide eventually if he did want to pursue a relationship with Eddie again. He had gone back and forth on the idea ever since he woke up. One moment he wanted nothing more and then another, he was worried Eddie would end up leaving him again and Buck didn’t think he could go through that twice. Now he and Peter were working on clearing his name, his biggest obstacle was Shannon when she eventually appeared wanting her family back. He needed to find a way to broach the subject with Eddie so he could finally make a decision to push ahead with their relationship or not. There were too many variables right not for Buck to consider, to fully enjoy being home. And the only thing he could focus on more than anything, was his fear of being alone.
Being alone had always been something Buck hated, something that made him want to scream into the silence so at least something was filling it. He had been alone his whole life. His parents had been so busy with being the high society, philanthropic power couple they wanted everyone else to see, they often forgot about being parents. They were good people on the outside, but crap parents. It hurt Buck a lot, to see his parents doing so much for everyone else, while he sat down to dinner on his own.A big house, with so little inside.
The older he got, the less he saw them. When he did see them, it was for them to tell him what he was doing wrong. What he needed to do better. To uphold the family name.So he tried. Tried to be the best son and follow in their footsteps, but that didn’t ever seem to be good enough. He supposed that was why he was always so scared of being abandoned now. He had been left behind too many times to count. Maddie had always managed to live up to expectations, had exceeded them, so while Buck sat at home not enjoying his own company, Maddie accompanied their parents to be shown around like the prized doll she was to them. When Buck had finally left after years of silence and neglect, Maddie had tried to convince him to come home at first, but when it was a choice between their parents and him, he always knew who she was going to choose. He tried to keep in touch, sending postcards and letters of his travels, but not a single one ever warranted a response.That was why he was so surprised to see her standing on his doorstep years later, designer luggage delicately placed in a straight line beside her, smiling like it had been days since they had seen eachother last, not years.
The knock at the front door finally raised Buck from his musings as he slowly began to fall asleep. The three of them had bundled onto the sofa after round 10 of uno where Buck had once again lost spectactually to the Diaz’s, and had all begun to nod off within minutes of the disney opening credits flashing on screen. He left Eddie and Chris curled up asleep on the sofa enjoying a nap he would love to be a part of right now, and hobbled half awake towards the door. He half expected Peter to be on the other side, or Bobby, or in his horror maybe even Donnie had finally decided to cut in early. What he never expected was to see a pair of red bottoms on the feet of someone he hadn’t seen in years. He didn’t realise she was going to appear this early this time around.
“What are you doing here?” Buck asked as he looked her up and down in disbelief. Not quite believing she was actually here.
“Good to see you too baby brother,” she smirked back, leaning slightly to the side to get a view of the inside of his apartment from her current position. Appearing to lean a little too far in her heels to get a glimpse and anything interesting inside.
“Again, what are you doing here?” Buck asked again, taking a step to the right to block her view. He didn’t care if it seemed rude, but this was Buck’s home now, Buck’s family, she had made it clear long ago she wanted no part of it. He didn’t remember being so harsh with her last time.
“Eurgh fine,” Maddie sighed as she rolled her eyes and looked on in disappointment that she couldn’t see into Buck’s apartment. She had always been that way, too nosy for her own good and was never happy if someone knew something she didn’t, even if it was about your own life. Although Maddie had chosen to cut off ties with her younger brother, she seemed to still expect open arms and access to all answers she wanted, something Buck didn’t agree with. “I need your help,” Maddie sighed.
Buck didn’t know why he was surprised, or why he wasn’t slamming the door in her face. He knew what she was after. But seeing his other siblings suffer for so long, he was finding it hard to turn Maddie away no matter what she had done. Everyone deserves a second chance, right?