You're all caught up inside
Shauna’s fingers are trembling, she’s staring at the phone in her hand like it’s some kind of compass, trying to figure out which direction she’s supposed to go in. The screen’s glowing, and the glow is like a lie. Everything about it feels unreal.
She’s been reading the messages over and over, tasting Jackie’s words like a song on repeat.
Thanks, that means a lot.
Shauna almost laughs. It’s nothing, really. Barely a conversation. But it’s everything. It’s like Jackie reached across some invisible line that Shauna didn’t even know existed, and now—now Shauna can’t stop thinking about the space between them, how close they are but how far.
Tai’s voice breaks through the haze, sharp like glass. “Still obsessed, huh?”
Shauna flinches, like she’s been caught doing something wrong. Like she is doing something wrong. “I’m not obsessed,” she says, but she knows Tai’s already got her figured out. She’s a little older, a little smarter, a little quicker. Shauna’s a mess of feeling, all tangled up in something she doesn’t understand.
Tai leans back, pulling at the strap of her backpack like it’s a tether, like she’s anchored to something real while Shauna’s out here floating in space. Tai’s eyes flicker over her, like she’s reading the whole damn book with one glance. “Yeah, you are,” she says, voice dry but not unkind. “It’s written all over your face. You’ve been staring at that thing for hours. How does it feel? Realising that she’s... not the center of the universe?”
Shauna clenches her jaw.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Tai shrugs like the answer is obvious. “You’ve built her up, you know. Jackie Taylor. You’ve put her up on this pedestal, and now you’re looking up at her like she’s perfect.”
Shauna's breath catches, a sharp intake like she’s been slapped. “I’m not—” But the words catch in her throat, and for a second, she thinks Tai’s right. “She’s just... different,” Shauna says, voice soft. She wants to believe it, needs to believe it. Because what if she doesn’t? What if it’s just another crush? What if it’s nothing?
“Different, huh?” Tai’s voice is amused, but there’s something else behind it—something that makes Shauna look away. “Yeah, she’s different. But everyone’s different. You know what the difference is? Jackie’s got that thing. That magnetism. She’s made for this. She knows how to make everyone feel like they’re special. Like they matter.”
Shauna swallows, and there’s something bitter about it. “She does make me feel like that. Like I’m... not invisible.”
Tai rolls her eyes, sharp and quick. “Oh, trust me, I know the feeling."
Shauna’s heart drops a little, like a stone in water. There’s an ache, a tightness in her chest. Tai doesn’t get it, not really. Tai doesn’t get what it’s like to want to be seen. She’s always been seen. People like her. People notice her. People want her. Shauna? Shauna is the girl who sits quietly in the back, who holds her words close, too afraid to let them escape.
But Jackie? Jackie notices.
She sees things. And for a moment, Shauna almost believes that maybe—just maybe—Jackie sees her.
Tai interrupts her thoughts. “You can’t build someone up like that, Shauna. You’re just gonna disappoint yourself. You really think she’s gonna take you out of the shadows and put you in the spotlight? What if she’s just like... everyone else?”
Shauna’s jaw tightens, but she can’t stop the words that come spilling out. “You don’t know her. You don’t know what it’s like.”
Tai’s eyes flicker with something soft but not kind. “I know exactly what it’s like. You’re falling for the idea of her, not who she actually is. She’s got that charm, that easy smile. You think it’s something real, but it’s not. You’re just another person in a line of people trying to get her attention.”
Shauna's pulse quickens. She knows Tai’s right, even if she doesn’t want to admit it. But she doesn’t want to hear it, either. “I’m not just trying to get her attention,” Shauna mutters. “She... she talked to me. She saw me.”
Tai doesn’t blink. “And? You want a medal for sending a DM?”
Shauna stares at her, like she’s looking at a stranger, but the words are there, sharp and biting, like they’ve been sitting in her chest for months, maybe longer. “I don’t know what I want, Tai. Maybe I just... want to not feel invisible for once. I want to matter to someone.”
For a moment, there’s nothing but silence. Tai’s gaze softens, but only just. Shauna doesn’t know what it means—she doesn’t know if it’s pity or understanding, or something else entirely.
“You do matter,” Tai says finally, and her voice is quieter, almost like she’s telling herself that too. “But you don’t need Jackie Taylor to make you feel that way. You have to learn to feel it for yourself. Not by breathing and living some vapid sorority girl who doesn't care if you live or die”
Shauna bites the inside of her cheek, nodding slowly, like she’s hearing words she’s heard a thousand times but never really believed. “I’m trying,” she says, but it sounds like a lie even to her.
Tai stands up, pulling her bag over her shoulder. “You’ve got time, Shauna. You’ve got plenty of time. Don’t waste it waiting for someone to save you. Because no one’s gonna do that. Not Jackie. Not anyone.”
Shauna watches her leave, feeling like she’s been handed some kind of truth she wasn’t ready for. Her heart’s still hammering, still caught in the image of Jackie’s face, the way Jackie had looked at her—like she was real, like she mattered. But now... now the words Tai said are rattling in her head, and they feel heavy, almost suffocating.
You can’t build someone up like that.
Shauna looks down at her phone again, her thumb hovering over the screen.
She types: “Thanks. That means a lot.”
She deletes her message.
Then, she closes the app.
She’s not sure if she’s talking to Tai, or Jackie, or maybe herself. Maybe she’s talking to all of them.