Chapter 4
Regulus -
Professor McGonagall was stood at the end of Regulus’ bed when he woke up. He sat up slowly, his vision blurry with sleep. He rubbed his eyes and looked up at the woman in front of him.
“Hello, Regulus,” she said softly.
“Hi.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Never been better,” Regulus responded. She squinted her eyes at him.
“I need not inform you of what happened to you yesterday, correct?”
Regulus shook his head and winced when the dull pain in the back of his head returned. McGonagall looked at him with an expression of pity and concern. Regulus had gotten more than his fair share of looks like that from her.
“Are you here to just stare at me or are you going to say something?” Regulus asked, raising an eyebrow.
“I’m worried about you, Regulus.”
Normally, Regulus would say he’s fine, he’s got everything under control, and there’s no need to worry. There was no point in lying now. He looked away from her, focusing on the light that flooded the room through the sheer curtains. Three days ago there was a storm, now there’s sunlight. Regulus thought about James.
“Where’s James?” He asked, partly because he was curious and partly to change the subject.
“Let’s focus on you right now,” she said, quietly rejecting him. “We need to discuss your future at this school.”
Regulus’ head snapped back to look at her. “Am I getting expelled?”
“Of course not.” She said simply. “Your safety is my biggest concern, and we both know there is not much of that in your home.”
“No,” he agreed.
“I’ve put in place a strict curfew for you for the time being.” Regulus rolled his eyes. “You leave your dorm to eat and go to class, perhaps attend the occasional Quidditch game. Other than that, you stay in your dorm.”
“I can escape through the window.”
“No, you can’t. All windows and openings above the first floor are enchanted to stop you from any escape attempts.”
“What, so I’m a prisoner now?” Regulus asked, scoffing.
“You nearly died, Regulus,” McGonagall snapped. “Twice. I am doing what I must to keep you safe.”
“Right. Sorry.”
“I’ve asked Pandora Rosier to make sure you get to all of your classes and to every meal.”
Regulus had never spoken to Evan’s sister. Why would she ask her to look after him? Why would she ask anyone to look after him?
“I don’t need anyone to babysit me. I’m not a child.”
“Safety precautions, Regulus.” She said simply. “And I believe you’ll enjoy her presence. She’s the kindest student I’ve ever had.”
“I doubt it.”
McGonagall smiled softly. “I just want you to be safe, Regulus.”
“I know,” he whispered. “You’re the only person who’s ever wanted that for me.”
She sighed heavily and nodded. “Yes, I understand that. I must ask that you come to my office once a week so we can discuss how you’re feeling, alright?”
Regulus nodded in understanding. There was no point in arguing against her. Even if he tried to act like he was bothered, he appreciated someone finally looking out for him.
“Where’s James?”
If McGonagall was shocked by his question, she didn’t show it. “In the dining hall, why do you ask?”
“Can I see him?”
-
James and Regulus sat in silence. James was at the foot of his bed, and Regulus had his knees under his chin. Regulus didn’t know what to say. He knew he needed to apologize but those words had never come out of his mouth before, nor has he ever heard them before.
“James,” Regulus started.
“I am so sorry Regulus I didn’t mean to hurt you I didn’t know how much you were hurting I know you hate me and I know you wish I would’ve left you but I couldn’t I had to save you and I know you hate me for it but I couldn’t just watch you die I’m so so sorry-“
Regulus didn’t know what spirit possessed him to lunge forward and wrap his arms around James, but that’s exactly what he did. He was hugging James and James stopped running his mouth and hugged him back. Regulus wasn’t the kind of person who enjoys hugs, or any physical contact, but hugging James just felt…right. Maybe he was overthinking it because he hadn’t hugged someone in years, but he liked hugging James. His grip was hard on Regulus’ back, his hands fisted the black sweater he was wearing. He only pulled away when he heard James sniff.
Regulus sat back and James stared at him with his big brown eyes. There was a ring of dark green in the midst of brown that circled his pupils and when James blinked, Regulus swore his eyes got even bigger.
“Why did you do that?” James asked, not breaking eye contact.
Regulus forced himself to look away. He stared at James' shoes, his beaten up red Converse he’s had for two years. With the exception of his Quidditch uniform, Regulus had never seen him wear different shoes.
“You wouldn’t shut up,” Regulus shrugged.
James laughed quietly and Regulus wanted to run far, far, far away. “I never shut up.”
“James, you have nothing to apologize for. I was the one hurting myself. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“You’re not mad at me?”
“Is that all you care about? People’s feelings towards you?” James shrugged, waiting for his actual answer. “I was. Maybe I still am. I don’t know.”
“Well, that’s reassuring.”
“Shut up.”
James laughed again and Regulus’ stomach churned. “You don’t know me. You don’t know anything about me and I don’t understand why you would save me. I thought you hated me.”
“I could never hate you.” Oh. Well, that’s new.
“What about Sirius?”
“What about him?”
“I assume he talks about how much of a horrible brother I am.”
“What?” James asked in disbelief. He turned to face Regulus, lifting a leg up onto the bed. “Sirius loves you, Regulus.”
Regulus felt sick. The close proximity between him and James and the knowledge his brother didn’t actually despise him was overwhelming.
“When he left, he wouldn’t talk about it for a month. One day during breakfast he saw you laugh and he broke down sobbing. He told me everything after that.”
Regulus didn’t understand. Why would his brother cry over him?
“He wanted to take you with him, but you wouldn’t go.”
Regulus kicked into defense mode. “You don’t understand what it’s like in that house.”
“I never said I did, Regulus. I’m telling you that Sirius doesn’t hate you.”
“Why doesn’t he talk to me?”
James shook his head. “You have to ask him that yourself. He thinks you hate him, Regulus. He’s convinced you hate him.”
Regulus didn’t hate Sirius. How could he? His older brother, who came into his room and distracted him with books about astronomy he borrowed from Hogwarts when his parents were fighting. Sirius, who stood in front of him when their father got aggressive and absorbed all of his anger. Sirius, who begged Regulus to leave with him that night in December. Sirius, who promised Regulus a life of freedom and happiness if he would just get up and go with him. Of course he didn’t hate Sirius. Sirius was his brother. His stomach churned with guilt. He wished he could explain to Sirius why he didn’t leave with him, but he didn’t think he had an actual reason. He was just scared. He didn’t know how to do things for himself, unlike Sirius. Regulus missed Sirius more than he thought he would. He missed his brother.