Karia
For a moment it feels like everything stopped, almost like time itself didn't have a meaning to me, like all my thoughts stop for a single second.
And to be honest, it takes me that second to be able to understand what he said or better to process it.
But when I do everything that comes into my mind is..
WHAT?!?
EXCUSE ME?!?
DID YOU JUST SAY I WILL DIE?!
I wasn't expecting that at all! I mean, I was asking to know about my race not a death sentence!
Probably reading my expression Veldora says.
"Oh? So you didn't know.. very well if you wish i shall explain it."
Yes please do!!
"..yes please I.. I would really appreciate it."
I don't care about not stuttering anymore! Just how exactly do I have a death sentence already!? It's like what.. my fourth or so week in this world!"
"Then so be it, you see, in truth, your case is even more special than a human from another world reincarnated into a monster body."
Eh? Then.. what..?
"..you are also a spirit of this world, that has reincarnated into the same body."
...what?
"..what?"
My thoughts slip to my mind, but can you blame me? A spirit from this world.. is also in my body?
Am I possessed or something? I.. don't get it still.
"..allow me explain It, you are something rare I have only seen once before, a spirit.. more specifically an elemental, reincarnated into the body of a monster after having died in this world, and for a lack of luck or another circumstance, failing to returning to the spirit world."
...ok I would have found this cool ..but-
"..I-I understand but what does this have to do with my.. ..my death."
What he is saying is something I find interesting, and normally? I would love to hear more about! but I am way too shook to care right now.
"Because of your soul."
"my ..soul?"
"Yes, it is far more powerful than others ...but also too unstable for its own good, and the longer it exists for the more it grows because of the power of the elemental that once existed and was fused withit."
"...wait it's growing?!"
"..indeed, just during the time of this conversation I saw it grow ever so slightly."
..an ever growing soul, that.. what could that do..?
"..in this rhythm, it would take at maximum a month before your soul becomes too powerful for your body succumbs to it.. as it cannot hold its power anymore and it falls apart."
....what.. that's.. I..
That's.. h-horrible I.. wait then.. what would become of me..?
"I.. w-what would.. would happen to my soul then.?"
"Hm.. if I were to guess it would be sent back to wander the world of nothingness as it was before with the soul of the elemental."
Oh..
Ohh.. that sounds-
Before I can think or say anything my body stops, and a powerful storm of feelings overwhelmed me, feelings I had no idea I had or ...if are even mine, but feelings powerful enough to make me feel like I want to break down, and let it all consume me.
"NO!!"
I scream it with full strength, I can't quite understand myself right now, everything feels so overwhelming..
Veldora looks surprised, he clearly wasn't expecting the scream and says.
"...I see you have strong feelings about this, I won't judge you but you don't have to-"
"I WILL NOT FEEL THAT PAIN AGAIN!"
..I can't! I can't fell it.. I can't be that lonely anymore I.. I can't! I will not..! not a.. ..again?
...again.
...why.. again? I have.. no I have never felt like that before! Yet right now it feels like I would rather die than to experience that.
"..gah.."
..what is happening to me? Why do I feel this way?? It's like I am drowning in feelings that aren't mine!
I use all my strength to get myself together.. the feelings are slowly getting weaker.. but now my own feelings are growing, what the Hell was that??
Veldora seems to have been taken aback.. his tail moved a bit too, not to mention that he took a step back.
But now it's not the time to look at him, right now I don't care, I am too busy trying to understand whatever the hell is going on with me.. but I can't! I am losing it again.
I.. no.. no!
I.. can't be overwhelmed further right now! I am already dealing with a lot here!
I have so much going on with me right now, and this experience.. it feels like its making a dawn inside me break! I can't help but let it out! Even if I am only screaming in my mind.
I died.. painfully too, I got reincarnated into a world I thought was an anime, my body's gender is different than my original one!
Then the first enemy I fight is my god damn trauma! Then I travel through this damned cave, being all alone and feeling awful because I feel like I am losing my humanity.
And now out of nowhere I am under a death clock!? To be thrown into eternal wandering nothingness alone after death with no rest or peace.
If that wasn't bad enough before I can even finish processing it.. suddenly it feels like my body gets hijacked by someone else's feelings??!!
"..I have had enough."
My aura flares almost murderously, I have nowhere to direct my anger to however.. but somehow just letting it lose like this is better than just keeping it in right now, I can't help but give a full glare at anything in my way.
"H-hey now, don't glare at me! It is not my fault! And stop with that face!"
....
...Veldora..?
..What am I doing? ..he has nothing to do with this.. why.. no I lost control I.. ok! I had enough of this too.
My glare fades, my aura slowly goes back in my body..
..I need to get a hold of myself, Veldora I won't admit it but.. being able to become friends with you was literally so good for me, I was so alone in this place ..even back at the goblin village the only person I could talk to was mother, the others all tried to stay out of my way or treat me like a god.
So being able to talk to someone like this.. I really needed that.
And this is how I repay you? ..I.. no others felt worse and didn't do this, I can't take out my anger on him.
I look at him, he is silently staring at me, still taken aback from my little show..
..I messed up huh? I mean I was being all nice and respectful and then that, obviously it would be a shock, oh yeah and it's most likely that nobody ever talked with him like that before l, aside from.. his sister, yeah I have some ideas about their relationship.
I didn't want to startle him either.. urg.. I feel awful..
"..um.. I..I am sorry, I don't know what came over me, I didn't mean to scream ..thanks for telling me these things."
I feel so embarrassed right now... And Veldora seems a bit surprised at my sudden second tone shift.. urg, he might think I am bipolar.
Veldora quickly moved to go back to the tough act though.
"Hmmf! If ..if you're apologizing so honestly very well, I shall forgive you, it's what a friend does after all."
...he said it in such an embarrassing way, I.. I deserve it to be honest, and I am kinda happy too.
"..thank you."
I say completely honest, the Dragon seems almost taken aback by the gratitude, honestly I can almost imagine him blushing as he says.
"I.. T-theres no thank me further! I already forgave you! It's all in the past! ...but if you wish to say it again I suppose I don't mind.. not that I like it of course! I am just giving you a way for you to express your gratitude, that's how great I am! Ahhh-Haa-haa-haa-haa!!"
....
..so this is what it feels, to meet the rare breed of real life tsunderes.
Normally I would have teased him for this but.. let's play along because I am grateful.
"..seriously though, I shouldn't act like that over.. this.."
The gets Veldora to stop, he is quiet for a moment and then says.
"Hm? You are forgiven but.. what is it that mean by "something like this?" ..what you had was a reasonable reaction to a fate like this.."
Eh?
I.. well maybe yes but..
"..I mean maybe but.. isn't it a bit.. entitled though..? ..I took it out on you who is suffering more for longer.."
..so many people have it so much worse, and here I am beings bother to others, I am terrified of my fate ..and will do almost anything to stop it but..
"..I mean ..I.. so ..so many others pass through worse and.. and don't.."
I.. can't finish that phrase.. why can't I finish that phrase? I.. it's always like this when.. when I let it go..
Veldora is silent for a moment, it feels like he is both analysing what I said and feeling awkward.
"..My friend, I don't understand why you think in such a foolish way but just because others may have had it worse in the past ...it doesn't undermine your suffering."
...what?
"..but.."
..it's.. it's the conversation I had with myself in the forest, I can't be crying over nothing..
"...from what you have told me, you have been given a difficult fate, I won't judge you for thinking that your life is hard"
"...I.. my life is hard? No I.."
My death.
"...I just.."
The loneliness.
"-Can't be crying.."
The fear.
"-Over.."
The Hopelessness.
-Nothing..?"
All the pain, all the small and big suffering and frustrations I had in these couple of weeks flood my mind, and I can't help but rethink that phrase.
....crying over nothing?
"..Do you truly believe that you-"
..do I really think that i-
"Have nothing to cry about?"
...
...
... Silent tears, I just cry ever so silently and after a few moments I can't take it, I sit down in the cave's floor.
...I am such an idiot.
I can't just..
"...H-hey now, you shouldn't.. no you should.."
Seems that Veldora got a bit lost.. I mean I am.. suddenly breaking down.
"...urg what I meant to say is, value your suffering and pain! If you dare compare yourself like that again I will teach you a lesson! No friend of mine puts themselves down like that!"
..is he trying to help me in his own way..?
That's.. kinda cute..
...
...comparisons huh?
...I always hated being compared to others, but thinking about it ..I did that pretty often didn't I?
School.
Sports.
Games.
....Pain.
I always compared myself to others in these things.. I never felt I was enough, because I wasn't.. I couldn't be, and I couldn't talk about it because bringing on these things to others.. bringing on how I felt was such a challenge.. because I didn't want to bother them with my problems ..so I did what I do best, I suffered alone.
...and here I am, in a completely different world doing the same things.
...sure I can't be entitled ..but Veldora is right.
I look at my hands, burned by the hornets acid.
"..I suffered."
I did suffer, I.. shouldn't leave that behind ..but how am I supposed to feel then? ...I know the right answer even if I feel it is so hard to do it.
Infact I always knew the right answer, in this life and the other, but.. even so believing in it, and doing it are very different from just knowing it.
But I can't just ignore it now can I?
...I need to regulate myself, I need to make sure I don't grow neglect myself or lose myself in these feelings..
It's going to be hard doing it alone.. I don't have anyone that can travel with me, but I will find a way, because I can't.. keep going like this.
I look up at Veldora and smile slightly though a bit pained.
".. Veldora, you are right I..I will try to be better, I will.. try not to think this way.. you helped me.."
Saying these things isn't easy.. it's hard ..but doing will be harder, yet I.. I feel like I have to try, as hard as this will be, even when my body can't fully accept the message that I am trying to send to myself.
So this will be what I do, even i myself don't accept it yet.
"..huh? I mean yes! Of course I am, what kind of friend would I be if I wasn't there when they needed me?"
He seems a bit surprised yet incredibly triumphant about it and then of course he lets out his victory laugh.
"Ahhh-Haa-haa-haa-haa!!"
My mood is getting a bit better by the second.
...I mean, I can't stay down with someone like this, who can?
"..pff hehe.. ok! Thank you Veldora, you're a great friend!"
Smiles, a pure thankful and honest smile.
"Ah- Arg.!"
loud Dragon coughing
I said while he was still laughing, and he stopped.. or well it almost looks like he is having a stroke for a while, when he finally stops he says.
"...you're welcome."
..he says as he looks away and scratches the scales behind his none existing ear.
...
Cute.
It almost makes me forget he is a giant dragon of death ...well storm actually, but you get the point.
It would be even better in human form though, expect less funny, anyhow at take this time to calm down.. I am feeling better now.
...
...wait.
What the hell am I thinking about?? I don't have time for this!
I need to learn more about my situation!!
"..Veldora about this whole thing.."
"Hm? Oh yes, your situation.. indeed it's complicated."
Complicated is an understatement!! I am on a death clock here!!
"..yes um.. is there any way to stop it?"
I am silent for a moment, tense, waiting for him to tell me what to do, but I assure myself.. whatever it is I will try my hardest to do it, I can't give up I must see my family again, not to mention dying sucks, so I wait and when he finally speaks he says..
"I don't know."
...huh!?
"..eh!?"
This time my thoughts and what I said didn't even aline when I let them out! That's how shocked I was!
"...what do you mean you don't know..?"
"What? I don't know everything!! You can't expect me to know about everything in the world! I mean why would I know something like that??"
Veldora says, clearly trying to excuse himself, and to be honest he is right, why would he know? I mean it's so rare and specific.. But that just means..
..oh so I am just doomed? How.. terrifyingly great! I can't even be fully sarcastic about it!
But as my expression was starting to fall into misery Veldora interrupts saying.
"...But fear not, I do believe I know someone that might know a way."
Oh you do?
Why didn't you say it immediately then!?
Good thing I am too relieved to be angry, I mean I was absolutely terrified there, thinking I had an inevitable death clock of one month, but now? I have hope!
Thank god!! Uh well.. thank Veldora actually.
"..I.. really? Then who?"
"Well obviously to know of the spirit and souls, you should ask the queen of spirits no?"
the Queen of spirits ...Ramiris right? Yes.. that does make sense.
"..I.. see.."
Well at least I have a way forward now.
"Unfortunately I do not know where she resides in, I have been sealed here for far too long to know."
..that's fine, I know we're to find her ...kind of? I know someone who knows, the elf lady in Dwargon that is.
"..it's ok, thank you a lot."
I smile at him.. he just saved my life after all, but I don't have much time, I need to get going I don't have the time, maybe even nameless but I still need to go-
"Wait!"
Hmm?
"..you aren't planning on leaving are you?"
Uhh..
"..not immediately I would still say goodbye but I don't have much time, I need to hurry!"
That's true, as abrupt as it is ...I only have one month! Is it even enough time? ...wait actually.. is it? The roads are long and.. just to get to Dwargon and back it's six days if travel.. not to mention that it will be more because I am on foot!
"...Veldora, do you think I have enough time to.."
I can't bring myself to complete the phrase, a sense of dread is creeping in as I wait a response..
"...no, you do not."
...
...I..
...w-well yes it makes sense, it's a large distance and.. I.. I can't..
...I.. am I.. really doomed to die..?
"..However do not fall into despair!"
..huh? ..but-
Veldora almost grins.. he would grins if he could as he says.
"For I have a solution for you!"
...what?
"...a.. a solution but.."
How? If I don't have time then..
"Hmf! Don't act like a fool, remember that the reason for your coming death."
...the reason?
"...my soul is too strong and.. it will overwhelm and destroy my body from the inside.."
...a terrifying death, that would force me into nothingness.
"Hm.. then if the problem is your weak body, everything that you need to do is get you a stronger body no?"
..my eyes widen at those words.
..he is right, of course.. evolution could.. maybe prolong my time? ..no it would definitely!
"..you're right, evolution would.. would help but.."
How would I evolve so quickly?
"Of course I am! And what's with that worry face? have you forgotten who you're talking to?"
...huh?
"..don't look surprised! Do you really believe I would let you die so easily? No, you still have much to do."
Veldora almost grins again and takes a step closer before he just-
"Ahhh-Haa-haa-haa-haa!!! Your coming here was fate! For I the Storm Dragon Veldora will grant you-"
He leans down looking at me in the eyes.
"A name."
...
I...huh.? Just like that?
"..heh! Do not act so surprised.. I already planned on doing so when you and I became friends, it would make things easier for all of us, and could be a gift to pay you back for telling me the future."
...oh.. oh I.. wow.
I thought this would be harder ...then again he did the same to Rimuru didn't he..?
..yeah I.. I guess this makes sense.
...he just saved my life by doing this..
"...thank you, thank you so much I.. will be forever grateful I promise!"
..I feel like I have never been more honest in my life, and I think he can feel that.
"..! W-well.. yes!! Of course you're welcome.. hahaha!"
He says looking away, he's totally flustered though I don't even need to see him blushing because he physically can't right now.
It's cute..
"..But enough of that! Now I'll grant you a name and maybe when we meet again I might share the special name I will have with you.. we'll see.."
..eh?
Uh.. I didn't expect that... Well I'm not sure if I would mind.. but that's the future right now I need to worry about.. well a ton of things.
...wait I just realized something.
Isn't Veldora kind of bad with names? Like.. didn't he just make up the name "Rimuru" because it sounded nice in his head?
..what kind of name am I about to-?
"You shall hereby be known as Karia! This is the name this world will know you by!"
....
....Ka.. ryah.? ..no it's Karia.. but sounds it sounds slightly different? I.. well.
I don't hate It, I mean.. i do like K and A after all.. and R is cool ..I can survive an I too.
"...I am.. Karia."
...it feels weird ...it's a girl's name after all.
Not even gender neutral, but ...I can't deny it anymore right? ..this.. is who I am now.
...I am Kaira and ..even when I get my memories back I will still be Karia, ..I look at my own hands.. my burned troubled hands.. this is who I am..
...I will.. have to come to terms with it ...or have I already done it? I.. I am not sure, I need to think about it.. but for now I.. I will have to accept that I am Kaira.. and will continue to be Kaira.
But.. that's for later when I see my reflection again.. I won't run.
...I feel like the name was marked into me, with my power I can feel it in my soul, something did change.
"With this, you will explore the world and unravel the mysteries of your arrival here."
He grins or tries to and says.
"..and I expect to be told all about it when we meet again, is that understood?"
...heh.
Hehehehe.. is that all? ..all he wants back is that? ..well thinking about it, he is very curious so I guess.. he got really invested in this huh? It's.. a bit funny.
"...heh, of course! What kind of friend would I be if I didn't tell you and left you hanging?"
I grin a bit.
"By my name as Karia, I promise I will come back one day and tell you all about the mysteries."
"Heh.. Ahhh-Haa-haa-haa-haa!!! Now that's how you should speak! You will go fourth and win this challenge."
..as he finishes saying that I.. I start to get sleepy..
"...hm? Seems your evolution is starting.. close your eyes and later awake a new, my friend Karia."
..I can't do much but do what he says, the energy from my body drains and I just stumble back.. against a wall and quickly fall asleep.
So that's what will happen I will sleep while knowing that when I wake up.. I will fully be this new me.
I am Karia, and that's who I will be for now on.
...as I drift off to sleep I find myself in a familiar terrifying dark place and hear a voice in my ear or.. perhaps in my mind itself saying.
"..yes you will be, hm i am sooo happy to see you doing well "Karia" ...hehehe."
....
...I.. want to go back to the cave now..