Myself and my way.
I stand, or rather I lay, before a dark and empty void, I can't move my limbs ...yet I can feel them this time.
My vision is dark, I can't see anything ..but I can feel my eyes, they are open and looking.. into the darkness but they are open.
Is this really the same place? ..yes most definitely it is.
Why you ask? Because of the creepy voice in my head!
"...hey creepy is a bit rude you know?"
Oh wow and kinnaping my mind to this place is fine?
"Well it's the only way to get you to talk to me ..for now at least."
...what do you mean?
"I will tell you later, because right now? I called you for a reason already."
I hear giggles ..it's kinda creepy because I have no idea of the voice's gender, it literally just doesn't register in my head.
"..hm that's because the time of my reveal has not yet come, so you won't be able to know that much about me for now."
...they are playing with my mind, and i hate it.
"Sorry, but it's better this way, so for now I will keep on playing the part of the mysterious God in your head."
...God?
"..hehehe, yes, you had assumed I was one had you not? Well you were correct."
This is starting to anger me, I have no idea who this person is and why they are doing this.. they know what happened to me yet they won't just tell me, I am scared of them ..but I am angry too.
"..it's.. not the time for that yet.."
...they sound almost sorry but I don't care.
"..look, I know I haven't been the friendliest but you will come to understand that-"
Oh shush, you talk like a wannabe God that controls people to play their games, I don't get why you expect me to be nice to you!
Frankly I see no reason to see you as nothing more than a monster that plays with people's lives!
"..."
They are silent for a few moments.
....
....
...still silent?
...
...were they really affected by what I said? But why would-
"Three questions.."
Huh?
"...I have been cruel, I admit it, I do believe everything I am doing will pay off one day however ..but still, it won't erase your pain, I won't expect you to forgive me either.."
...I.. what?
"..you will suffer in this world, more than you should, and I truly feel for that ..but I really can't help it right now, I need to stay silent or else things might get worse."
....did, I misunderstand something? I was sure that you were-
"..so I will give you a gift, that is three questions."
...
"..you may ask them and I will answer no matter what, but you're not allowed to ask about who I am."
This... I didn't expect this, I.. well an opportunity like this.. I need..
"..take your time."
...
...ok, I will.
...
...
...
Three questions.
This is much more than what I expected.
Honestly I thought I was just going to be forced to listen to them talk and then be sent away with nothing but scraps again.
"..."
...but seems I will actually learn something, maybe not something about them but.. something.
Being honest, the way they are acting ...it really throws a rench at my vision of them, I am honestly more curious now than I was before ...but now it's not the time.
Ok I already have a good idea of what I want to ask..
"You're ready? ..alright, you can ask."
I can't help but notice they dropped the somewhat fancy and mysterious speech.. well it's none of my business.
The first question is obvious, it's something I am sure they are expecting me to ask... Either way here we go.
...are you the one who brought me to this world?
"...yes."
...they sounded hesitant but answered.. so it was them who did it.
This.. does give me mixed feelings, I mean this means they are responsible for all the pain I felt! ...but also that they saved me in a way, gave me another chance at life, but even if this is true it brings me to the second question.
"..the act itself had to be done, you will understand later."
Again with saying that huh? ..I shouldn't push it and waste a question.
...why alter my memories?
"...that wasn't fully me, and I thought it would make it less painful in the future if you slowly forgot your past."
....not fully them? There are more people involved? ..ok that raises some questions but first.
...I don't get why you think this is the best for me, but I really don't appreciate you altering my memories without my consent.
"..I understand, if you don't forgive me it's fine but.. I still believe this is right."
...
I don't forgive you ...for now.
"..huh?"
...look, I thought you were pure evil, but it seems I was wrong, I mean I could still be getting played ...even so, as foolish and naive as it is.. I will choose to believe in good.
"...why?"
....because I am an idiot.
"..."
...
"..pff"
D-don't laugh at me!
"..thank you."
Mm! ...I still won't forgive you until you have proven yourself.
"I understand.. I wouldn't forgive myself in the first place."
...?
"...now for your final question."
They cut me off before I can ask, maybe it's for the best ...for now.
"...so?"
It's time to ask it..
...and yet I stagger before I do.
This question scares me.. because a no would destroy me..
"..are you ready?"
..y-yes.
"..go ahead."
....
Will.. will I ever.. be able to go back home?
...
"..it won't be easy, but.. if you follow your own path it's not impossible."
...I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.. I feel my stress and tension fade somewhat.
..it won't be for nothing, I will be able to see them again, I will be able to.. to actually properly say goodbye, to.. to apologize.. to thank them for everything I..
"..let it out it's fine.."
My emotions flow through me.. if I could I would be crying, yet I can't cry in this place ..or at least I didn't think I could, but tears slowly fall from my eyes.
I am not quite breaking down, but having hope like this, a promise that it's not just a random delusion ...tears of happiness and relief escape me.
...I will be able to do it, it won't be easy but, the knowledge I can is all I need to strengthen myself with new resolve.
...
...
...
"Feeling better?"
It's been a little bit since I cried, the voice of the god kept silent until I got a hold of myself.
..and yes I am better, thank you.
"It's fine."
....they are way uh.. nicer than I thought, being honest, I thought this would be a D situation you know? An evil god watching and playing with you, but I am starting to think they are not like that.
"..I am still not a good person, just because I have been nicer doesn't mean you should think differently."
....what?
"...you shouldn't.."
They stop.. what are they saying..?
"..nevermind, I lost all composure, got away from the point I was trying to make and broke character a lot.."
I hear a tired sigh, I almost ..no I think I straight up feel bad, which is insane considering who I am talking about.
"...let's cut to the chase, your questions are over and now it's time to listen."
...alright.
"...you're going to meet the Queen of spirits right? That's a good choice, you're on your way to save yourself."
...ok so you approve of how I am going for now.
"..however, I advise you to get stronger, as strong as you can in the travel, don't stagnate because you will need this power latter on."
...I.. what? I mean.. sure I was planning on doing so but..
"Don't think that because you are somewhat strong it means you will be able to live well, you can't settle for being strong, you need to become one of the strongest in this world if you wish to survive."
...what exactly do you have planned for me?
"..I can't tell you yet, I don't want to put pressure on you, but know that you are special, you can grow and do this I am planning and when you do it.. you will get to go home."
They sound so sure of themselves like they are making a vow.
"..I will help you personally."
...
...count me in then.
I will do It, I will make it home.
"..I will count on you, and when we are done, you will go home."
With that I have a promise and a way back, this talk was incredibly useful for me, but I feel like it's not over yet.
"You're right.. I have one last thing to tell you."
...alright, what is it?
"...when you finish this, when you save yourself, I will come and talk to you again."
Another meeting then? Well I-
"Personally I mean."
...you mean it?
"..yes, I will meet you, you will see the real me, and I will explain everything, in the mean time I wish you good luck, and I will be watching."
...I am happy about finally knowing that I will have an explanation ...but you just admitted to stalking me.
"..."
...
"..I am not seeing all the time, it's more like.. a rapid import parts compilation?"
..how is that supposed to make me feel better!? You're watching me like I am some kind of anime or book character!
"...anyway, a last warning."
Changing the subject like this.. so shamelessly too.
"... you're not the only one that will be going to the Dwelling of spirits."
...eh?
Uh.. what? That.. sounded super ominous.
"..I won't say who right now, but be ready for a fight."
...of course you won't, still I.. guess I am thankful for the warning.
"..your body will be able to handle your soul for more than a year after the evolution, you will have more than enough time, so use it, and get stronger, be prepared for it."
...wow, my timer got increased by that much?
"..but know that if you train your soul too much with your attacks ..it might go down."
...what!?
"Those attacks that use your soul also train it, making it get stronger and grow, so you should only use them when you need it, otherwise.. well you will have less time."
...
...great.
Just fantastic!
My best attacks are now unusable.. I will have to find a different way to fight.
"...our time is over."
Eh.!?
So suddenly?
"..yes, like I said we will meet again."
...when I arrive at the dwelling of spirits?
"..when you complete this objective, until then though."
I hear their giggles again.. I can almost feel them smiling.
"..good luck and take care "Karia""
....tch, you didn't have to say it like that..!
"Like you said, it's who you are from now on, you are and will always be Karia ...but that doesn't mean you aren't yourself."
...
"I look forward to your future Karia"
...thank you.
...
...
...
My eyes slowly open, I am back at the cave, the stone ceiling above me is hard to miss but.. I feel nice to be back at the normal world.
"Oh? You woke up?"
....Veldora, of course.
"...how long was I.. huh.!?"
I stop abruptly.. my voice. It doesn't feel.. well childish anymore, but like that of a young woman, being honest it startled me.
"Hmm! Merely 3 hours ..though your sleep seemed complicated, you grumbled and murmured, nevertheless the evolution is complete! And you look as magnificent as expected!"
I feel myself blush ..I.. I need to look at myself.
"...um I.. I need a moment."
"Oh? Very well then go ahead, take a look at your new self."
I slowly get up.. I am taller I can feel that, once more it's a bit weird to be thrown from a smaller body to a bigger one.
I take a few clumsy steps towards the water not too far away and look at my reflection.
My eyes widen a bit at the sight of my new body, this is who I am now, Karia.
...my past life, I made comments thinking about what would happen if I had been a girl, I always have had this mentality that complains about all, while not doing anything about it ..heh.
In my previous life I complained about being a man, and in this one I complained about being turned into a girl.
..but it's like I.. and that god said, it's who I am and who I will be from now on.
I doubt I will be able to just accept this easily, accept this new me, however I can't do it if I don't try.. and to do so.. it will have to be from the inside, from my own mentality.
My life will never be the same, as sad and scary as it is.. that's something I need to understand, I am not ready to accept this body, to fully just.. be a girl, but I can't be who I was before either.
I will have to prepare myself.. get accustomed as I live my life, from the inside I will try to match my outside, I will still be me, but this will also be me.
Questions flood my head.
Is this really me?
Will I ever me able to live with this?
Is it even right to do so?
I am scared of thi, I truly am, I feel myself shaking slightly but at the same time.. "it will always be you." ...it reminds me of a quote I love so much.. if a game I love so much.
"..they said intentionally didn't they?"
...it's what I needed, it's what I always believed in, and yet I let these worries overwhelm me.
But now I know what to do, even if I don't fully believe in it.. I will be this, I will try to accept myself and live like this, I won't cower from my reflection anymore and, hopefully one day I can.. I can truly be this.. this me I want to be so badly, the me that accepts all of themselves with confidence and can say those words with conviction.
So from now on, I will be the best I can to get there.. starting with.. this.
....I take another look at the water.
I see a girl, she seems to a Ogre, she seems 16-18 in age, her height is around 5'6, a bit short for an ogre.
She has long very dark night sky blue hair, with somewhat sharp silver almost platinum eyes, in her head are black horns but unlike other ogres her horns are segmented into two parts, the base goes a bit foward, and the second part goes up and towards the back of my head.
Her hands and part of her legs are different from the rest of her body, a darker shade, almost black from what used to be burns became part of her body.
The girl is undoubtedly beautiful, even if she only wears a long brown leather mantle.
I use my analysis on her.. it says she is an [Ogre?] ..I know why it sounds unsure now.
The girl has a complicated expression in her face, as if trying to accept something ..or someone.
This someone is herself.
And this girl ...she is me.
She is Karia.
"...I am Karia."
...
...
After a while of staring, I slowly walk back towards Veldora.
"I see you have finished, have you gotten accustomed with your new body?"
"..not quite yet."
But it's not for the reasons you think though..
"Hmm, I see.. then take your time."
Yeah I will do that.. it will take some time, but this is the new me.. Karia.
"..that being said, once more you have shown anomalies in your body, when compared to the average of your species."
...hmm? Oh yeah.
"..I know, my horns.."
Yeah I am not complaining though.. I like them.
"...hmm? Well yes, but I was referring to the more striking one."
...eh?
More striking..? Like what?
"Um.. could you please give me an example?"
"...well if you wish, then the tail in your back will suffice as one, no?"
...
...WHA-!?
As if on command when he says it, I feel it moving and look to see it.
Somewhat long, slim and sharp silver like tail with a razor edge.
...I..I.. W-why? Or.. uh..
...
My journey of self acceptance will be a long one.. won't it?